S Vol. 4: Afterglow (Yaoi Novel)

Shiiba wouldn’t be surprised if Godou drank his own blood. He got goosebumps as the image of the man drinking blood flashed into his head.

“If you really want to know more about me,” Shiiba said, “then tell me about yourself first. I heard you were bullied by your cousins and your aunt at your uncle’s house.”

“Did Iwanaga tell you that?” Godou asked.

“Yeah,” said Shiiba, “he said you didn’t have a very happy childhood.”

It might be a topic he shouldn’t dwell on, but Shiiba brought it up anyway. He couldn’t avoid asking Godou about his past if he really wanted to expose the man.

“I wouldn’t say it was unhappy,” Godou replied. “My uncle loved me and my mother doted on me. I just had an equal amount of resentment poured on me.”

“But you had a falling out with your uncle, right?” Shiiba persisted.

“Yeah,” Godou answered. “Hatred isn’t the only thing that drives people. Sometimes blind devotion and love can be just as vicious.”

“How did your mom die?” Shiiba asked casually, holding his breath for the answer. “Was she sick?”

Godou smiled. It wasn’t his usual smile; it was a maniacal, creepy smile. “I killed my mother,” he answered in a sing-song voice.

Shiiba’s heart raced. He might have just opened Pandora’s Box. He felt fear rise up in his chest.     

“Why?” he asked in a hoarse voice. “Why would you kill your own mother?”

Godou handed him a glass full of alcohol. “Drink. This story is hard to hear when you’re sober.”

Shiiba took the glass and Godou slowly began to talk. “My mother gave birth to me when she was eighteen. She wasn’t married. She was a beautiful woman. She was so beautiful, she didn’t seem human. Sometimes her beauty gave me the chills.”

A woman so beautiful she gave you chills. Shiiba couldn’t imagine anyone being that beautiful.

“She was a beautiful woman, but she wasn’t right in the head. She wasn’t a psychopath or anything. She was normal except for one thing.”

Shiiba frowned, not understanding what Godou meant. “One thing? What was that?”

“My mother loved me, but her love wasn’t normal. Do you remember the first time you came?”

Shiiba was confused at the sudden change in topic. It must have been a rhetorical question, because Godou continued without waiting for his answer. “Normally it happens when you have a wet dream or when you’re touching yourself, right? But in my case, the first time I ejaculated was inside my mother’s mouth.”

At first Shiiba didn’t understand what Godou had said. But as soon as it sunk in, he felt sick. “You mean sexual abuse?” he asked.

“I suppose it would be called that nowadays,” Godou said. “But my mother wasn’t trying to abuse me and I didn’t think I was being abused. But I was afraid of my mother’s strange love. Her behavior escalated, and by the time I was in high school, she would be on top of me naked.”

The hair on Shiiba neck stood on end. A mother desired her son sexually. There was nothing more terrible for a child.

Godou went on. “Even though she was crazy, she was the only mother I had. So I put up with it, even though I felt like I would go mad. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I actually went crazy. I knew I had to leave that house. I decided to go to college and leave my uncle’s house. I thought my mother would be against it, but surprisingly she was happy for me. I was so relieved that I would finally be free. But that wasn’t to be. My mother needed someone else to give that love to. On the day I told her my decision, she put her hand on her stomach and smiled and said to me, ‘Make sure you come home often. I know our baby will want to see its Daddy’s face.’”

Godou’s words sent a tremor of shock through Shiiba. A mother had become pregnant with her son’s child. It was something that was never supposed to happen.

“I went to my uncle’s room and came back with a katana. I stabbed her in the stomach again and again and destroyed the child inside of her. My uncle covered up the incident. I’ve never been back to his house since.”

Shiiba was so shocked he couldn’t respond. He wondered what had gone through Godou’s mind while he killed his mother. Anger, disgust, fear? Or sadness?

“So how did you like my stripping?” Godou asked. “Now it’s your turn.”

“That’s a hard act to follow,” Shiiba murmured.

Godou laughed and sipped his brandy.

Shiiba left the living room, dazed. He returned to his own room and sat down on the bed, annoyed. Godou was a dangerous man. He realized that once more. It was not normal to be able to laugh and joke after a terrible story like that. It wasn’t a show of strength. Godou had admitted he was somewhat crazy. Even though he was crazy, he was also cunning. There was no way in. His fear was preventing him from getting inside of Godou.

He didn’t want to admit it, but Shiiba was afraid of Godou. Even though he didn’t think he would be brainwashed like Motoaki, there were moments when he felt swayed by Godou’s strange power.

It wasn’t his brain, but his instincts that warned him—warned him not to go any deeper into that man’s bottomless pit of a heart. He would be pulled down by its force and there would be no turning back.

He didn’t have the power to draw the truth out of Godou. His own incompetence made him angry and drove him crazy. The truth was right there, but he couldn’t grasp it. He could only dip his finger in and look at some bits of it. But he knew giving up wasn’t an option.

Just before dawn, the sound of strong rain woke Shiiba up.

He listened to the sound of the rain as he lay in bed for a while. But he wasn’t tired anymore. He left his room and headed for the living room.

Light poured through a slight crack in the door. He peeked inside to see if anyone was there.

It was Godou and Kiri. He was lying on the sofa with his head on her lap.

She still wore the dress he had given her and stroked Godou’s hair gently, over and over again. Godou looked peaceful and had a satisfied expression on his face.

“Want me to buy you a new bird?” he asked gently. “If you want me to, I’ll find a bird that looks exactly like the one that died.”

Kiri shook her head as if to say it was okay, and stroked Godou’s cheek.

Godou grasped Kiri’s hand. He put his hand over her small one and their fingers intertwined.

Godou stared at their hands for a while and then slowly brought them up to his mouth and kissed Kiri’s fingers.

The room was filled only with the sound of rain as the two spoke without words. They didn’t have to exchange words to get their feelings across. It was a gentle scene. It was a world that belonged only to the two of them. A world Shiiba couldn’t enter. He had seen something he wasn’t supposed to and felt a pang in his chest.

Godou was unexpectedly gentle to Kiri. Maybe he had let Kiri stay at his villa to give her a break.

Their bonds were deeper than Shiiba had imagined. If they truly loved each other, Shiiba would just be interfering by wanting to save her from him.

The more he thought about it, the more confused he became about what was right and what was wrong.

He had thought Godou was an inhuman demon. But now that he had learned of his past and caught a glimpse of the darkness in his heart, it was hard to look at him from a simple point of view.

Reality wasn’t like a fairytale where good and evil was black and white.

“Kiri and I are returning to Tokyo tomorrow, what do you want to do?” Godou asked as he was about to leave the next day.

“Did you tell the man after Munechika to stop?” Shiiba asked in return.

Godou smiled meaningfully and said provocatively, “If you want to continue the game with me, come to my condo in Ebisu. You’ll be welcomed there. We can’t end the game yet, right? So we have to keep playing. The best part is coming up.” And then he left.

Even after observing him up close and learning about his past, it was still hard to understand Godou. He had allowed a man who had tried to kill him stay in his house unsupervised. Shiiba knew Godou was a smart man, but he was so inconsistent that Shiiba couldn’t understand him.

Shiiba looked over at the sofa. Kiri was sleeping on it, curled up like a cat.

As he looked at her sleeping face, he wondered what he should do. Motoaki came in just then. He was wearing a suit with no necktie.

“Are you leaving?” Shiiba asked.

Motoaki held up his car keys. “Going on a drive. Come with me,” he ordered.

But Shiiba shook his head. “Don’t feel like it. Go by yourself.”

“Stop complaining,” Motoaki said in an irritated voice, and grabbed Shiiba’s arm. “Just shut up and come with me.”

He dragged Shiiba outside, under the rain, and over to the Fairlady Z. Shiiba gave up, going along with Motoaki’s childish whims and getting in the passenger seat.

Motoaki chewed on his gum as he put on his seat belt and stepped so hard on the gas that the tires squealed. It was so sudden that Shiiba’s body slammed against the seat.

“Hey, slow down,” he yelled.

“What, are you scared?” Motoaki taunted.

Motoaki drove recklessly, but his technique was good. As soon as Shiiba realized that Motoaki knew what he was doing, he just looked at the scenery through the window.

As he gazed at the Sagami Bay, hazy in the rain, they continued south. At first they listened to hard rock music, then Motoaki switched from CD to radio and quiet piano music filled the car.

“Should I stop the car so we can have sex?” Motoaki suddenly asked.

Shiiba couldn’t tell if he was serious or joking. “I thought you couldn’t get hard with me,” he said casually.

Motoaki smiled. “Maybe I could if I took a sex drug.”

“If you have to go to that much trouble, it’s not worth it,” Shiiba said lightly, now knowing that Motoaki was just teasing him. “Are you that pent up?”

“Yeah, I am,” Motoaki agreed. “I’m too pent up. I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

Shiiba knew Motoaki had meant to sound like he was joking, but his last sentence sounded serious. Maybe it was his heart that felt like it would explode. Maybe he felt overwhelmed by the pressure of being the boss of the Matsukura Group.

“Okay, let’s not have sex,” Motoaki suddenly said. “Let’s continue where we left off last time.”

Shiiba looked at him suspiciously, and Motoaki smiled and pointed to his ear. He played with his silver earring.

“Piercing,” Motoaki clarified. “I’ll pierce you all over. Your ears, nose, tongue. Your other nipple and your bellybutton. And your...special place, too.”

Shiiba remembered how painful it had been when Motoaki had pierced him with an ice pick. The wound on his left nipple still hadn’t healed completely.

“No, thanks,” he said coldly. “I don’t enjoy hurting myself like you do.”

Motoaki’s lips tightened. “When you act like that, it makes me want to stick needles all over you until your whole body bleeds.”

“Do you hate me because I’m close to Munechika?” Shiiba asked. “If he’s that important to you, why don’t you just face him? He’s worried about you. Why don’t you just—”

“Shut up!” Motoaki punched Shiiba in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. “I told you to keep your mouth shut about me and Keigo. What do you know about us?”

Shiiba coughed and held his chest. “Maybe nothing. But I do know how Munechika feels. He regrets hurting you. And he wants to fix his relationship with you. I know you were in pain, but so was Munechika. Please forgive him.” He almost felt like smiling after he was done speaking. Why was he being so self-important? He was the same as Munechika. He couldn’t run away from the past. He wanted to be free, but he was consumed with burning anger and hatred.

He knew how much Munechika was in pain, so he selfishly asked Motoaki to forgive Munechika. But if Godou was the one who killed Yukari and the man apologized for his past mistakes, would Shiiba be able to forgive him? Could he change his heart?

Punishment was necessary. Or was it atonement? Why did those who had had things taken from them forget their hatred, and why did those that had taken things away released from hatred?

The Fairlady Z kept its speed. Heavy silence continued as the car took a left and got onto the Miura Juken Road from the toll road and continued on to Yokohama Yokosuka Highway.

Shiiba had thought they were going back to Godou’s place, but this new turn made him suspicious. “Why didn’t you take that exit?”

“We’re not going back to the villa,” Motoaki answered seriously, still facing ahead.

“Why not? Where are we going?”

“We’re going back to Tokyo.”

Shiiba was shocked. “Then go back yourself! I can’t run away from Godou. I told you, I made a deal to keep Munechika—”

“Shut up! I’m tired of hearing it,” Motoaki interrupted him sharply. He bit his lips in annoyance. “If you really want to protect Keigo, you don’t have time to be Godou’s toy and play the tragic heroine. Why don’t you have the guts to stick by Keigo?”

“So you believe me?” Shiiba asked.

It sounded like Motoaki had accepted his story for the first time.

“I’m not saying I believe you,” Motoaki said. “But if by chance Godou is really trying to kill Keigo, I have an idea. But just come with me for now. Whenever you’re with Godou, I get so annoyed I want to kill you. He won’t think you’ve run away if I’m dragging you around.”

Shiiba wasn’t sure why, but Motoaki was evidently trying to disobey Godou.

The seeds of distrust that Shiiba had planted inside Motoaki had started to grow.

Chapter 6

Motoaki’s house, that is, the Matsukura mansion, was near Meijiro in the high-class residential district of Shimoochai. It was a traditional Japanese house surrounded by a high brick wall equipped with surveillance cameras.

Shiiba followed Motoaki inside just as a man rushed out from the back of the house.

“Motoaki-san! You’re finally home. You missed an important meeting yesterday.”

“Oh, is that so?” Motoaki said, playing dumb. “I totally forgot.”

The man sighed loudly. “Please take some responsibility. We can take care of the organization, but you’re the face of the Matsukura Group.”

“That’s enough, Tsuchii. It’s over, there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’m sick of your complaints. Come on.” Motoaki grasped Shiiba’s arm.

“Who is this?” Tsuchii asked.

“My friend. We’ll be in the west room. Don’t let anyone go there. We’re going in there to have some fun alone.”

Motoaki smiled as the man fell silent and tightened his lips. Shiiba saw contempt and resignation in the man’s eyes as he watched Motoaki take him away. Tsuchii probably didn’t know what to do with his willful boss.

Motoaki brought Shiiba to a spacious Western-style room and ordered him to sit down on an expensive-looking sofa. Motoaki picked up an extension phone and said, “Bring me the mahogany box from my room. The one on my desk.”

After a while there was a knock on the door and a young man came in holding a small wooden box.

“Leave it on the table,” Motoaki ordered.

The man left and Motoaki opened the box. Inside was a nylon bag filled with packages of various types of earrings.

Motoaki rummaged around in it and took out a piercing needle, a small hoop earring and antiseptic. “I’ll start with your ear. Stay still. Or if it excites you more to have someone hold you down like last time, just say so.”

Shiiba realized the young man was actually serious about piercing him and began to feel annoyed. But he didn’t try to resist.

Motoaki sat down next to him. He sterilized Shiiba’s ear, the needle, the earring and even his hand. Then he put some kind of ointment on the needle. It seemed like he wasn’t going to be reckless like he had been before.

He pushed the tip of the needle and started talking quietly, focusing his attention on Shiiba’s ear. “You told me to forgive Keigo. Did he tell you what happened?” It was the first time Motoaki had brought up the subject of his past.

“Yes, all of it.”

“Did Keigo really say he wanted to fix our relationship? I’m gonna pierce you now.”

A sharp pain raced through Shiiba’s earlobe that made him grit his teeth. Motoaki ran the needle all the way through then inserted the earring. He looked at Shiiba’s grimacing face, satisfied. Then he took out another earring.

“Only one is boring,” he said, “so I’ll do about three.”

He sterilized everything again and stuck the needle in next to the other earring.

“He feels very guilty about taking your mother away,” Shiiba said as casually as possible so as not to startle Motoaki.

Motoaki smiled sarcastically. “If he regrets it, why’d he run off with her in the first place? I remember it well. Our dad beat the shit out of him. I was afraid of my dad when I was little, but that made me even more scared.” After finishing with the second piercing, he continued on to the third one. “I was so scared because I didn’t know what had happened. When my mom left with Keigo, I asked everyone where they went, but no one would tell me the truth. My mom was scared of my dad and Keigo hated him, so I thought they had gone away to escape him. I didn’t understand why they left me behind and I cried every day. I believed in my heart that if I was a good boy, they’d come back to get me. But two months later, the only thing that came back was my mother’s dead body.”

The needle passed through Shiiba’s ear for the third time and Motoaki put another earring in. The ear throbbed painfully. But Motoaki was making a more painful face than Shiiba.

“I learned the truth at my mother’s funeral. I heard my father talking. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe my half-brother had run away with my mother and in the end only she had committed suicide.”

After finishing the third piercing, Motoaki fell back on the sofa as if he were exhausted. Shiiba touched the piercings and looked at Motoaki.

“Munechika didn’t come home?” Shiiba asked.

“Nope,” Motoaki replied. “I saw him once after the funeral when I made a delivery to Kaname. He apologized to me, but I didn’t want to hear it. I kept saying, ‘Give me back my mother, you murderer!’ Keigo severed all ties with the Matsukura Group and disappeared. He’d call occasionally. Every time he did I would tell him to stop running away and pay for his crimes.”

Motoaki had probably been in pain, but so had Munechika. But that was all Motoaki could have done.

“After Dad died, Keigo accepted my invitation to return to the Matsukura Group, but we still had a complicated relationship. He was in charge of our front company and made us a lot of money. But money as atonement didn’t make me happy. Ten years have passed since Mom died, but I still can’t forgive Keigo. I’m surprised at how stubborn I am.” Motoaki was speaking honestly about his feelings. Maybe after finding out that Shiiba knew the circumstances, it was easier for him to talk about it.

“Haven’t you already forgiven him?” Shiiba asked. “If you really hate him, you wouldn’t even want to see his face.”

“No,” Motoaki answered. “I’m twisted, so I want to torture him by being with him.”

Shiiba didn’t believe him. Motoaki wasn’t being willful towards Munechika because he was punishing his brother. It was the opposite. He wanted so badly for their relationship as brothers to be back, but he was frustrated when he couldn’t get what he wanted. It was like a child who would throw a tantrum to get his parents’ attention.

Motoaki grinned. “Where should I pierce you next? Your tongue? Nipple? Or your bellybutton?”

“Like I have a choice,” Shiiba said dryly.

“Then I’ll decide,” said Motoaki. “How about your bellybutton? Take off your shirt.”

Shiiba sighed and started to unbutton his shirt.

Motoaki suddenly looked towards the door suspiciously. “What is that?”

They heard quarreling voices out in the hallway. The door suddenly opened and a very unexpected person appeared.

“Keigo...” Motoaki whispered, shocked.

Munechika stood in the doorway.

Shiiba opened his eyes wide and froze.

Munechika stepped into the room. Kaname, wearing his usual Mao suit and with his hair tied back, was behind Munechika. 

“Wait, Keigo-san!” One of Motoaki’s men tried to keep him back, but Munechika roughly shook him off.

“Keigo!” Motoaki shouted. “Did you escape the hospital?”

Munechika didn’t answer Motoaki’s question. He grabbed Shiiba’s arm and forced him up. He glanced at the needles and earrings scattered on the table and reached out his hand to Shiiba’s right ear. “Is it just these? Nothing else?” he asked in a quick, low voice. Shiiba shook his head. “You’re not hurt? Did Godou do anything to you?”

“No, nothing, I’m fine,” Shiiba answered.

Munechika gave a sigh of relief, then said, “Let’s go. Come on.”

Motoaki jumped in front of Munechika. His face was pale and his eyes glittered dangerously. “Wait, Keigo! He’s my guest. You can’t just take him away.”

“I don’t need your permission,” Munechika said coldly. “He’s mine, Motoaki. I won’t forgive you if you do anything else to hurt Shiiba.”

Motoaki’s face changed. He glared back angrily. “Is he that important to you?”

“Yes,” Munechika answered quietly.

“He’s a detective!” Motoaki yelled. “Don’t you know choosing him means betraying the organization?”

“I know,” Munechika answered. “I’m prepared for that.”    

“Hey!” Motoaki called to one of his men. “Get Keigo out of here. And Kaname, too.”

His men looked at each other hesitantly, not moving right away.

“What are you waiting for? Do it!” Motoaki yelled, and one of his men stepped forward, but suddenly someone else appeared in the doorway.

It was Tsuchii.

“That’s enough,” Tsuchii ordered. “Get back. Motoaki-san, why don’t you grow up? If you keep this up, the Matsukura Group will be ruined. Your predecessors who trusted you are rolling around in their graves right now!”

Motoaki’s face went red. “Shut up!” he yelled. “Don’t tell me what to do! Stop making a fool out of me! You all look down on me anyway!”  He quickly took the butterfly knife out of his pocket. He flicked open the blade and thrust it at Shiiba. “Keigo, if you don’t want me to hurt him, get out of here. This is my house. I’m the master here. You’re the one who left this place. You have no right to be arrogant now.”

Motoaki was so agitated that his men didn’t know what to do. Shiiba carefully watched his movements.

“Leave!” Motoaki yelled. “Get out of my sight!”

Shiiba didn’t feel afraid of the knife pointed at him. It was more painful to watch Motoaki desperately threatening Munechika. The person the young man longed for the most had come all the way there, injured, and, right in front of Motoaki, had reached out to another man. To add insult to injury, this was Motoaki’s own house, but no one was taking his side.

Munechika gave Motoaki a stern look and slowly took a step closer to him. Even though it was Motoaki who was supposedly threatening Munechika, it started to feel like the opposite.

“Motoaki, put the knife down.”

Munechika got closer and closer. Motoaki shoved the tip of the knife to Shiiba’s cheek.

“MOTOAKI!!!” Munechika screamed in a thunderous voice.

Motoaki reflexively jumped. Taking that opportunity, Shiiba swung his body around so that the knife couldn’t reach him. He wasn’t sure what Motoaki was thinking, but the young man suddenly turned the knife on himself.

“Stop moving!” Motoaki shouted. “If you come near me, I’ll kill myself!”

He seemed more disturbed than ever, as if he had completely lost it. His hand was causing the knife to tremble against his throat.

Everyone froze except for Munechika, who kept walking towards Motoaki.

“Go away, Keigo! I’m serious! I’ll stab myself!”

Munechika didn’t take his eyes off of Motoaki. “Go ahead. If you really want to do it, do it.”

Motoaki was surprised by Munechika’s blunt words. He held his breath and stared at Munechika.

“But if you slit your throat,” Munechika continued, “I’ll slit mine, too.”

“What?” Motoaki couldn’t believe his ears.

“I feel the same pain you do.” Munechika’s voice was quiet but forceful. He kept staring intently at Motoaki. “We have the same blood running through our veins. If you want to spill yours, I’ll spill mine, too. That’s the only thing I can do for you now.”

Motoaki’s face screwed up as his emotions exploded. “Stop it. You’re just saying that. You can say whatever you want, but I know you don’t mean it.”

Munechika’s hand moved quickly to grab the knife away from Motoaki.

“Oof, let go!” Motoaki yelped.

Munechika pushed Motoaki back and pulled the knife towards himself. “Let me do it first. I’d spill all my blood for you.” He pushed the blade to his neck, which dug into his skin. Bright red blood dribbled out.

Motoaki was shocked. He tore the knife away from Munechika’s hands with all his might. “Stop it! What are you doing, Keigo?”

The knife fell to the floor. Motoaki jumped to pick it up, but one of his men was quicker and kicked it without a moment’s delay. Tsuchii picked it up. Motoaki collapsed on the sofa as if he was relieved. He stared into space for a while, and then held his head in his hands and started sobbing. His cries echoed in the quiet room.

Munechika sat down next to him and embraced his brother who was weeping so much he was trembling.

“Motoaki, you can hate me if you want,” Munechika murmured. “You don’t have to forgive me. I know I did something terrible. But please stop dwelling on the past, for your own sake.”

“Ever since Mom died, you’ve never seen me,” Motoaki accused him childishly in between sobs. “You’d turn to me, but your eyes never saw me. You allowed me to be willful, but you never accepted me. You don’t care about me at all, do you?”

“That’s not true, Motoaki,” Munechika denied. “I stole your mother from you. That was why I avoided you. I wanted to help you, but I was afraid to face you.”

“Afraid?” Motoaki looked confusedly up at Munechika.

“Yeah. Every time I looked at you, I blamed myself. I remembered the past and it was so painful. I know it was all my fault, so I couldn’t forget about it. But I wasn’t lying when I said you’re important to me. You’re my only brother. You’re the only family I have in this whole world.” Munechika stroked Motoaki’s wet cheek gently. “If you want me to, I’ll stay here by your side and help you in any way I can.”

“Really?” Motoaki asked.

Munechika nodded. “Yeah. But I won’t spoil you like I did before. Are you prepared to face me seriously?”

Motoaki frowned and turned his face away. “What do you mean, prepared? You’re the one who ran away, Keigo. I’ve been waiting for you to come back.”

“Motoaki, promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Cut off all ties with Godou,” Munechika said with a stern look on his face. Motoaki looked shocked. “If you’re going to take my hand, you need to let go of Godou’s.”

“But...” Motoaki seemed flustered. Godou’s presence was like a drug to him. He was probably instinctively afraid to lose someone he was that dependent on.

“You can’t?” Munechika prompted.

“T-that’s not it. But...”

Kaname, who was watching the whole situation from beside them, suddenly spoke up. “Motoaki-san, we found out who shot the president. It was a pro contracted by Godou. They had an agreement that would pay the man money every time he shot the president.”

Motoaki faced him with a look of absolute shock on his face. “What did you say?”

Kaname continued. “One of my men infiltrated Godou’s organization and reported that info back to us. Right now we’re trying to find the hitman.”

Motoaki clenched and opened his fist helplessly. He was afraid to lose Godou even though he knew Godou had betrayed him.

Munechika patiently waited for Motoaki to respond. Shiiba watched as well, praying for Motoaki to make the right decision.

“What will you do, Motoaki?” Munechika asked.

Motoaki moaned. “I...I...don’t know yet.”

“Motoaki,” Munechika said reproachfully.

Motoaki opened his bloodshot eyes wide. “S-shut up! It’s not that simple!” He suddenly stood up.

“If you choose Godou instead of me, then I can’t help you,” Munechika said mercilessly.

Motoaki felt like he was being driven more and more into a corner. He mulishly kicked the sofa. “I know! I know, just be quiet!” He chewed on his nails and glanced at Munechika. “It’s up to you, Keigo. I’ll decide depending on what you do next. If I can trust that you’ll never betray me again, I’ll cut Godou off completely.”

Shiiba figured that that was the best answer Motoaki could give. Munechika nodded silently and patted Motoaki on the shoulder.

“You can think about me later,” said Munechika. “Just carry out your responsibilities as the boss here. Clear your schedule for tomorrow night. We’re going to see Yashima.”

“Yashima?” Motoaki gasped. “The chairman of the Kantou Kyouwa Society?”

“Yes,” Munechika confirmed. “All the other bosses in the Association have agreed to exclude the Godou Syndicate from all deals. But if they think that the Matsukura Group is linked with the Godou Syndicate, they’ll become our enemies. Go see Yashima and tell him directly that you approve of the Association’s decision.”

“Okay,” Motoaki agreed.

“And give the president of the Koujin Association a call,” Munechika added. “He’s waiting for a move from you.”

“Okay,” said Motoaki. “I’ll call him.”

Motoaki didn’t look at Munechika in the face as he spoke. But that night, a little bit of his selfishness seemed to disappear. Shiiba was sure Motoaki’s rebellion against Munechika would gradually decline as well.

Munechika stood up from the sofa and looked at Shiiba. “You come with me. I have a lot of things to ask you.”

His tone was casual, but Shiiba could tell he was very angry. And with good reason. Shiiba had broken his promise to Munechika. Munechika had told him not to leave him no matter what happened, but Shiiba had run off by himself.

That night Munechika and Motoaki had overcome their long years of strife. Shiiba knew he had to seriously confront his own feelings towards Munechika and settle things once and for all.

“President, please sit in the front,” Kaname requested. “I’ll put the seat down and you can lie down...”

“I’m fine,” Munechika said, refusing Kaname’s offer and sitting down next to Shiiba.

Kaname looked worried, but didn’t say anything more and just shut the door. He drove the Mercedes out of the Matsukura compound and they disappeared into the city. Munechika crossed his arms and closed his eyes. His face looked pale. It hadn’t even been a week since he had been shot. Shiiba knew there hadn’t been any damage to his internal organs, but he also knew Munechika shouldn’t be moving around like this. He wanted to ask Munechika if he was okay, but he hesitated because he knew it was all his fault.

“How did you know I was with Motoaki?” he finally asked.

Munechika was silent for a bit, but then he spoke while looking straight ahead. “Tsuchii contacted me and told me Motoaki had come home and brought a friend with him. I had a good feeling Motoaki had been with Godou, so I figured his ‘friend’ was you. I came straight from the hospital.”

Suddenly Munechika grabbed Shiiba’s hand. Shiiba silently cried out because Munechika was squeezing so hard it hurt.

“Tell me why you went to Godou. What have you been doing all this time?” Munechika’s voice was hushed and low, but he was very angry.

“That’s—” Shiiba began, but Munechika interrupted him.

“Don’t hide things from me. Tell me everything about what happened since you left the hospital until now. If you don’t, I’ll never forgive you.” Munechika’s anger pierced through the air between them.

Shiiba reluctantly told Munechika the whole story about what he had been up to from the moment he left the hospital. That he had bought a gun. That he had mailed his letter of resignation. That he had followed Godou and pointed the gun at him.

After he was done with his story, Munechika finally let go of his hand. It left a red mark on him.

“So in other words,” said Munechika, “you went along with Godou to protect me?”

“Yes,” Shiiba whispered. “But that wasn’t just the reason. I wanted to find out if he was the one who killed my sister. I just couldn’t turn back.”

“You’ll ruin yourself being that stubborn,” Munechika muttered. “Don’t you remember what I told you?”

Shiiba thought a little bit and then nodded. It was what Munechika had said the first night they slept together. He had gotten into trouble chasing after a Chinese gun broker when Munechika had saved him in the nick of time. He had warned him, “Protecting me or trying to find out the truth about your sister’s murder isn’t an excuse. You betrayed me.”

“But I have a responsibility to protect you,” Shiiba pointed out.

“If you sacrifice yourself to do that,” Munechika snapped, “you’ll be playing right into Godou’s hands. Stop being so conceited!”

Shiiba couldn’t say anything back. He knew he had done something reckless. He knew any excuse he gave would just fan the flames of Munechika’s anger.

“Also, your resignation hasn’t been accepted yet,” Munechika added.

Shiiba couldn’t believe his ears. “What?”

“Your boss, what was his name, Takasaki?” said Munechika. “Your resignation stopped at him.”

“How do you know?” Shiiba whispered.

“After you disappeared, Shinozuka contacted me several times,” Munechika revealed. “Shinozuka asked Takasaki not to pass your resignation on to the higher-ups until they could confirm directly with you that that was what you wanted.”

Shiiba stared at Munechika’s face, astonished. “So then, I’m still...?”

“Yep. You’re still an active detective.”

An active detective.

Shiiba had thought he had lost his job as a detective, so he didn’t know how to take the news.

What should he do from now on? What was the best thing to do?

While he was thinking, the car arrived at Munechika’s condo in Roppongi. Kaname came up to the room with them and made sure Munechika took various kinds of medicines.

“If you don’t feel well, contact me at once,” Kaname suggested.

“I will,” Munechika answered. “Come again tomorrow morning.”

Kaname called Shiiba to the door as he was about to leave, wanting to talk privately. “Shiiba-san, are you sure Godou didn’t do anything to you?”

“He didn’t, why?” Shiiba asked.

Kaname let out a sigh. “That’s fine if he didn’t. But the president’s body isn’t healed yet, so please don’t tell him anything that will upset him.”

Shiiba figured Kaname was worried that Shiiba might do something to excite Munechika.

“After you disappeared,” Kaname revealed, “he tried to chase after you. I was barely able to stop him.”

Shiiba couldn’t reply. He bowed his head to Kaname silently.

“Well, I’m off now,” Kaname said.

After Kaname left, Shiiba returned to the living room. Munechika was sitting on the sofa staring up at the ceiling.

“Come here,” Munechika ordered in a low voice, and Shiiba obeyed. “Get on your knees.”

Shiiba knew he couldn’t disobey him, so he kneeled in front of Munechika like a loyal dog.

Munechika slapped Shiiba’s cheek. A stinging pain raced through him, but he gritted his teeth as he looked up. He didn’t feel angry. He also didn’t feel the need to resist. He wanted Munechika to punch him as many times as he wanted if that made him feel better. Munechika had a right to. The only man Shiiba wanted to control him was right in front of him.

“You’re awfully obedient today,” Munechika said in a cold voice. “You look like you don’t care how many times I hit you.”

“You’re right,” Shiiba answered staring into Munechika eyes. “Hit me as much as you want.”

They gazed at each other and an intense fire flickered in Munechika’s eyes. Shiiba couldn’t blink, as if he were in a trance. Suddenly Munechika reached his arms out to him and pulled him to his chest. Shiiba thought his heart would stop at the shock of his sudden embrace.

Munechika’s feelings exploded and he held onto Shiiba tightly. “Why did you leave me? I told you not to! Why do you always try to solve everything by yourself?” Shiiba thought his bones might break and he trembled. “You’re not alone anymore...”

“Munechika...” A feeling like joy raced up Shiiba’s spine.

It was so precious the way Munechika could confront his feelings. Even though Munechika was mad at him, Shiiba felt so happy.

“Munechika, I wasn’t serious about breaking up. Godou made me say it, and—”

“I know,” Munechika said immediately. “I’d never believe something like that.”

Shiiba gave a sigh of relief. “Munechika, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” He could barely speak. Love swelled in his chest, he thought he would go crazy. It became hard to breathe. “I didn’t betray you. I never meant to betray you. I-I would never betray you. You’re my S, and...”

“Shiiba, it doesn’t matter about S and detective anymore,” Munechika said sincerely. “No matter how we started out, we’re past that point. Am I right? Or am I the only one who thinks that?”

Shiiba had believed that if he put his feelings into words, he would become too dependent on Munechika and he would become weaker. He realized that he was wrong. That was not how it was.

“Munechika, I...I...” He didn’t know what to say. He shook his head, frustrated.

Munechika loosened his hold around Shiiba and said, “Swear to me. Not because I’m your S, but just as a man. Swear to me you’ll never betray me. Swear to me that you’ll always love me. I want to hear you say it. Stop making excuses.”

“Munechika.”

Shiiba felt a wave of emotions overcome him. So many different emotions came to him at once, he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling anymore.

The walls he had worked so hard to build up around him were crashing down. He was so scared. He wanted to cry like a newborn baby. He had no idea it was so frightening to show someone else your soul. But he wanted to say it. He wanted Munechika to know. He wanted to strip himself bare. He prayed that Munechika would accept him.

“I swear,” he said in a trembling voice. “I swear a million times. I love you, only you...”

He put into those words all the feelings he had hidden deep inside of him.

His position as a detective had protected Shiiba like an impenetrable armor, but it had also bound him. His true self had been shut away inside the hard armor. It had also hidden a gentle, wounded heart that was weak and fragile. He could take off his armor in front of Munechika. He could entrust his bare self to this man.

“I want you to let me love you,” he added. “And please...I want you to love me, too...” A tear dripped down from the corner of Shiiba’s eye.

Munechika tenderly wiped it away. “You don’t even have to ask. I already love you. I have for a while now.”

“Munechika...”

Shiiba pressed himself to Munechika’s chest. There was no turning back now. He couldn’t turn away from the feelings he felt for Munechika. He had thrown the promise he had made to Munechika as a detective to his S out the window. Now, he had made a new promise to him, as one man to another.

Because of their relationship as an S and detective, Shiiba had never allowed himself to acknowledge their relationship. But now that they had both admitted their strong love for each other, he couldn’t face Munechika like he had before.

His happiness won out over his uneasiness because he had finally allowed himself to surrender to Munechika. He was so happy he felt dizzy, wrapped up in Munechika’s strong embrace.

“You’re finally mine...” Munechika said with a dry smile.

That made Shiiba suddenly remember how desperate he had been to make Munechika his S.

Munechika. Be mine.

No. I’m not yours. You’re going to be mine.

They had been constantly trying to get a leverage over each other with their deals. They challenged and encouraged each other.

He had thought he would lose if he showed his true feelings, but he didn’t feel defeated now. As long as they shared their true feelings, it wasn’t a matter of winning or losing. Their hearts were now equal.

“That’s right.” Munechika held Shiiba’s head in his hands and dropped gentle kisses on it. “You’re mine. All of you...is mine.”

Shiiba opened his mouth. Munechika answered him with his hot tongue.

It was their first kiss not as a detective and his S, but as two men who loved each other. They weren’t doing it for compensation. There was no reason for that anymore.

They longed for each other because they wanted each other. That was all.

Shiiba indulged in Munechika’s lips and before he knew it Munechika was unbuttoning his shirt. Shiiba reluctantly pushed Munechika away. “Munechika, your wound hasn’t healed yet...”

“Don’t worry about it.” Munechika paid no attention to Shiiba’s hesitation and stroked his back.

Shiiba turned his head away and pushed back Munechika. “Idiot. Of course I’m gonna worry.”

“My desire to make love to you is much more painful than my wound,” said Munechika. “You know that, don’t you?”

Shiiba sighed at Munechika’s usual arrogant smile.

“What will you do if your wound reopens?” he asked.

“If I pass out, call an ambulance,” Munechika said teasingly.

“Yeah, right!” Shiiba snapped.

Munechika grabbed his arm. “Wanna do it here? Or should we do it on the bed?”

Shiiba knew it was useless to refuse Munechika when he was this determined. He stood up.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.”

Chapter 7

Munechika sat down on the bed and stared at Shiiba, who stood in front of him.

“What?” Shiiba asked.

“Take off your clothes and turn around in front of me,” said Munechika.

“What?” Shiiba squawked.

“Just do what I said,” Munechika said stubbornly.

Shiiba didn’t know what kind of game this was, but he did as Munechika said and took off all of his clothes and then turned around again.

“Is it really that fun to make me strip for you?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s fun. That’s fine. Come here now.” Munechika stretched out both arms and Shiiba ran into them.

Munechika stroked Shiiba’s shoulders and arms, but his caress wasn’t sexual but exploratory.

“Do you think Godou did something to me?” Shiiba asked.

“Because you’re not honest,” Munechika said, continuing his examination of Shiiba’s body to make sure there were no cuts or bruises on it. “I won’t be able to be convinced until I can tell with my own eyes.”

“I told you, I’m fine,” Shiiba said. “Nothing happened, really.”

When Munechika had examined Shiiba’s whole body, he was finally convinced. He pushed Shiiba to the bed and took off his own shirt. Shiiba couldn’t take his eyes off the white bandage covering Munechika’s strong chest.

“How should we do it?” Shiiba asked seriously. “It should be a way that won’t bother your wound.” 

Munechika grinned and kissed his nose. “I know you hate to lose, but just be still.”

“That’s how we always do—ah!”

A hot kiss interrupted Shiiba’s protests. Their tongues intertwined and he started breathing faster.

“Shiiba, don’t hold back,” Munechika whispered in between kisses. “Show me how much you want me. I want you, too. I want to savor every bit of you now that you’re mine.”

“Don’t provoke me,” Shiiba said. “I’ll get too excited and claw your wound.”

Munechika laughed lightly. “I don’t care. You can claw anywhere you want. Hang on to me as much as you want.” He nibbled at Shiiba.

Skin on skin. A pleasant heaviness. Complete happiness raced through Shiiba’s body.

Munechika licked his chest and a throbbing pleasure rose up from his core. Shiiba arched his back and clapped his hand over his mouth. If he didn’t, he knew he would scream out loud.

“You can’t hide your voice,” Munechika said teasingly. “I know everything you’re feeling right now.”

Shiiba couldn’t deny Munechika’s words. He felt everything. To a frightening degree. Just being next to Munechika made him more excited. His lust was overflowing.

Munechika grabbed Shiiba’s erection and Shiiba bit his own hand. Munechika pulled the hand away from Shiiba’s mouth.

“Why are you so shy today?” Munechika asked. “I guess that’s cute, once in a while...”

“S-shut up,” Shiiba said harshly. “Don’t talk, just focus on what we’re doing.” 

Munechika lightly bit Shiiba’s earlobe. “I am. I’m focusing on you so much I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Shiiba knew it was just Munechika’s usual teasing, but for some reason he felt so shy he couldn’t stand it. He blushed and bit his lips.

Munechika stared at him. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re like a virgin or something.”

“D-don’t talk anymore.” Shiiba got up and forced Munechika into a different position. Even though he thought it was bad of him, he went ahead and unbuttoned Munechika’s pants himself.

“Now, you’re being aggressive,” Munechika teased.

“Sit still like an injured person should,” Shiiba muttered.

Munechika’s desire had begun to harden, and as soon as Shiiba touched it, it grew fully erect. Shiiba lowered his head and took it in his mouth. A sense of relief he couldn’t describe filled him.

When Munechika had been shot, he could have died. Shiiba might not have ever seen him again. And if that had happened, Shiiba would have had so many regrets. He wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself for not telling Munechika his true feelings and for running away from them. But now, as they touched each other, it was like he was touching a tangible proof of Munechika’s life. He felt deep within his heart that Munechika was irreplaceable.

Shiiba teased and stroked Munechika’s hotness. The love he felt in his chest overflowed. Sex and love perfectly overlapped, and even his lust felt sacred.

He wanted to keep sucking on Munechika, but Munechika stopped him and Shiiba reluctantly looked up.

“Lay down on your stomach,” Munechika whispered. “It’s my turn.”

Shiiba obeyed. Munechika got off the bed and returned with some lotion. He rubbed Shiiba with his oily fingers, stroking between Shiiba’s cheeks. Shiiba automatically lifted his hips, trembling just from being touched that way.

“Hurry, Munechika.”

Munechika’s fingers entered him. Hard fingers pressed against his soft insides. Shiiba cried out. A throbbing pleasure rose up in him and he became restless.

“Enough with your fingers,” he moaned, “put it in...”

“Put it in? What in?” Munechika teased.

He was clearly enjoying Shiiba’s impatience. He wanted to hear what Shiiba wanted.

If Munechika wanted to hear it so badly, Shiiba would tell him. As Shiiba took Munechika’s fingers inside of him, he wriggled and looked behind him.

“I want your hard cock. I want your hot cock to thrust inside of me as deep as it can. I want you to thrust in and pull it out again and again, as rough as you can. You understand, right? I can’t take it anymore. My whole body is begging for you. So put it in, please. I’m going to jump on you if you don’t.”

Munechika smiled happily at Shiiba’s dirty talk. “You don’t care about my injury at all, do you? If you were really worried, you wouldn’t say something that would make me throw reason out of the window.”

Munechika pressed his long hard cock against Shiiba’s opening. Shiiba closed his eyes and pressed his cheek to the sheets while he waited for Munechika to enter him.

“Mmm...ahh...”    

Munechika’s heat slipped inside of him. He slammed it mercilessly in, as deeply as he could. Shiiba felt a red hot heat spread inside of him. Every time Munechika roughly thrust into him, a writhing pleasure raced through his entire body.

“Munechika...that feels so good...yes, right there...” he murmured as Munechika moved inside him. He spread his legs more and lifted his hips higher.

Munechika’s hand reached out and gripped Shiiba’s wet cock; his fingers firmly grasped its base. “I won’t let you come yet. Not until I’m satisfied.”

“No...I wanna come now...” Shiiba protested, shaking his head.

“No. This is punishment for worrying me to death.”

Munechika licked the nape of Shiiba’s neck and lifted his chin.

Shiiba’s whole body was so sensitive he felt every touch to a frightening degree. He felt as if he would go mad at the way Munechika thrust in and out of him while dropping kisses and love bites all over his body.

“Munechika, I can’t take it anymore. I’m gonna go crazy.”

“I’m already crazy. Come fall to the place I’m at now.”

Shiiba begged over and over again, but Munechika groped Shiiba however he pleased. Shiiba was overcome with emotion and began to cry, but Munechika still wouldn’t stop. His body and heart melted in the sweet pleasure and pain. Munechika ground into him harder and pushed him to his limits. He began to think he might actually break.

But he wasn’t afraid. The only one who could break him or fix him was Munechika. He could give Munechika anything.

He was loved by Munechika and he loved Munechika just as much. As if they were searching for each other. As if they were finding each other’s souls.

He felt love for himself in a strange way as he felt how satisfied his heart was becoming.

Munechika longed for him so much it drove him crazy. He filled Shiiba up with his love until it overflowed.

It felt as if Shiiba was being reborn.

Like a chrysalis getting its wings. Like a damaged soul being born anew. He found a new version of himself within Munechika’s arms.

For the first time in Shiiba’s life, he felt like he had become someone of worth.

“You’re doing it like Godou,” Munechika murmured provokingly as they lay on top of the disheveled bed. He was propped up on one elbow, naked. “He takes his time with those he’s fond of. He’s the type who waits with anticipation as the seed he’s sown grows into a flower.”

Shiiba turned over beside Munechika. Maybe it was because of how hot his skin was still, but even the feel of the sheets rubbing on his body made him sigh.

“What’s with that sexy face? You want to go again?” Munechika rubbed Shiiba’s nipple teasingly with his fingertip.

Shiiba pushed the hand away. “Stop.”

“This time you get on top. I’m too tired, and my wound’s hurting.”

“Idiot, I told you not to overdo it,” Shiiba said, exasperated.

Munechika raised one eyebrow. “It’s your fault, you were talking so dirty!”

“Don’t blame me. Anyway, going back to what we were talking about before, are you trying to say Godou invited me to his villa so he could capture me?”

“If he used me as bait, you’d do anything he’d say. He probably thought it wouldn’t be long before you’d fall into his hands. So how was it? Did your feelings change while you were with him?”    

Shiiba thought for a moment. He didn’t want to admit it, but, even though he hated Godou, he felt attracted to him. If he had stayed with Godou, those feelings might have gotten stronger.

“You said before that Godou was a frightening man,” he said. “But I finally realized that for myself. His heart is like a bottomless pit, and even if you only try to peek in, you don’t know how far you’ll fall down. To be honest, I was so scared I couldn’t face him straight on.”

“That was the right thing to do,” said Munechika. “He brings out the negative in everyone he’s with.”

“Was it the same with you? When you were with him, did you feel any sympathy for him?”

Munechika stroked Shiiba’s cheek and looked like he was deep in thought. “Yeah. We were both protected by yakuza and we both hated it. We were also deserted by a lot of people. We both ran away to the outside world. When we met, it was like I was looking at myself in the mirror. But he’s the kind of man who enjoys hate and anger. At first I trusted him as a friend and thought we could have a life together, but he was swallowed up by the deep darkness within him that I lost sight of him.”

Shiiba wondered if their relationship had been more connected than he had imagined.

Godou had his own organization, and when he became a yakuza he appeared before Munechika again and vowed to get revenge on the man who had betrayed him. It was probably because of his warped attachment to Munechika that he won over Motoaki and tried to keep Shiiba for himself. “I wonder what Godou wants to do?” Shiiba wondered aloud.

The man had money. He had connections. He could have anything he wanted, but he had put his hands in a risky business like illegal firearms, and it was obvious he wasn’t making much of a profit off of them.

“I don’t know. Normal people can’t understand the thoughts of the insane,” Munechika said as if to try to stop the conversation. He pulled the blanket up over Shiiba’s bare shoulders. “Go to sleep. Let’s think about what we’ll do next tomorrow.”

What we’ll do next...

Shiiba sighed.

His relationship with Munechika had finally gotten to this point. He didn’t regret it, but there would be a lot more problems for them from now on.

Would he return to being a detective? Or would he have them accept his resignation?

Munechika put his arm under Shiiba’s neck. Shiiba said, “What?” and opened his eyes in surprise.

Munechika said in a conceited way, “Use my arm as a pillow.”

“What’s this all of a sudden?” Shiiba asked with a dry smile.

Munechika kissed his temple. “Because you look so uneasy.”

“Munechika...”

“I’m sorry about before. I blamed you because I was annoyed at myself. I put the anger I had for myself on to you.”

“Don’t apologize. You were right.”

“I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if anything ever happened to you because of me,” Munechika said quietly.

Shiiba felt the same way. He had been caught up in protecting Munechika that he had neglected Munechika’s feelings. If he had been in Munechika’s shoes, he would have been even angrier.

“It was painful, wasn’t it?” Munechika murmured. “You don’t have to bear the pain by yourself.”

Shiiba nuzzled Munechika’s neck and put his hand on Munechika’s naked chest. Munechika’s heartbeat began to calm him and he slowly closed his eyes. Munechika stroked his head tenderly.

Shiiba was so happy to have returned to the warmth that lay beside him. He felt it from the bottom of his heart.

If he thought about what would happen next, he knew he would feel anxious and confused. But he wanted to feel satisfied just for that night. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to surrender himself to happiness.

The next morning, a very unexpected person showed up in Munechika’s house. Kaname showed the guest to the living room, and Shiiba saw his brother-in-law Hideyuki Shinozuka. Shinozuka had his trench coat draped over his arm as he approached Shiiba with a smile.

“Oniisan...”

Shinozuka’s eyes crinkled kindly. “Morning, Masaki. Everything the same?”

Shiiba was so happy to see Shinozuka. His chest felt warm seeing his brother-in-law’s usual smile.

“Yes,” he answered. “But why are you here?”

“I called him,” Munechika explained. Then he said to Shinozuka brusquely, “Sorry to have you come over so early in the morning,”

“Don’t worry about it,” Shinozuka replied. “The timing was perfect.”

Munechika sat down and motioned for Shinozuka to sit down as well. Still not completely understanding what was happening, Shiiba sat down next to Shinozuka.

What was going on? Shinozuka was a director of the Metropolitan Public Security Bureau’s Planning Division, a career track bureaucrat. Meanwhile, Munechika led a double life as a young businessman and a yakuza. What could these two opposites have to say to each other?

Kaname brought them some coffee.

Shinozuka took a sip and then turned towards Shiiba. “Masaki, you don’t have to worry about the investigation on you.”

“What?” Shiiba said, confused.

“Last night the manager of Human Resources was dismissed,” Shinozuka explained casually. “He had been suspected of accepting bribes from a member of Parliament, and we finally got enough proof to confirm it. He admitted during questioning that there was no basis for the investigation on you.”

But the manager of Human Resources was supposed to uphold the morals for the whole force. For someone in such a position of high authority to get dismissed was extremely unusual. Usually someone like him would voluntarily resign or be forced to resign.

“It was the proper punishment for someone who abused his power and took bribes,” Shinozuka said coolly.

Apparently, Shinozuka had heard of the incident between the manager of Human Resources and the politician through his best friend Asakawa. That must mean that Shinozuka’s power had had some influence in the decision to dismiss the manager.

“So the investigation on you is over,” Shinozuka concluded. “But now you need to get in touch with Takasaki. He’s very worried about you.”

“I will. Thank you...for everything.” Shiiba bowed his head, and once again admired how powerful Shinozuka was and how skilled he was at gathering intelligence.

Shinozuka nodded and then turned to Munechika. “Now, what about you? What move are you going to make?”

“The Matsukura Group will be anti-Godou,” Munechika revealed. “The boss’ mind has been made up. The Kantou Kyouwa Society is also moving to exclude the Godou Syndicate from all of its dealings. The Kantou Kyouwa Society is a mediating organization, but, during emergencies, the directors can mobilize their troops. And I will be the one commanding the troops. We’re going to completely drive Godou into a corner.”

Shiiba opened his eyes wide. He stared at Munechika with a stern look on his face.

Asakawa was very knowledgeable about yakuza, and he had heard a rumor that Munechika was working with Kantou Kyouwa Society’s intelligence department. So Munechika really did have deep connections with the Society.

“Gaining control of military force, hmm? I don’t really support that, but...” Shinozuka trailed off as he gazed at Munechika sharply. They glared at each other for a bit, but then Shinozuka laughed lightly. “I suppose I’ll just have to look the other way this time. We’ll keep our eyes on Godou. I’m sure we’ll get something on him. We also found out that the politician involved with the manager of Human Resources was taking illegal donations from a company Godou manages. If we pass along that information to the 2nd Investigation Unit at the station, I’m sure we can book him on bribery charges. We also have our eye on someone from a far-left group to see if we can question that person and make him a material witness against Godou.”

Munechika and Shinozuka exchanged glances again. The pressure between them felt so strong, Shiiba had to say something.

“So we’ll hit Godou from the front and behind,” he said. “We’re in agreement?”

“Seems like it,” Shinozuka said, smiling. He got up from his chair. As he put on his coat, he murmured, “It looks like we’re finally going to be able to choke the life out of him.”

Shiiba hurriedly chased after Shinozuka as he was about to leave the living room. “Oniisan, wait! Let me walk you out.”

He put on his shoes and they left the room together. Shinozuka called someone on his cell phone.

“It’s me,” he said. “I’m coming down now. Pull the car up.” Apparently one of his men was waiting.

They walked side by side, and Shiiba said hesitantly, his voice trembling, “Oniisan, do you think Godou...” He paused.

Do you think Godou was the one who killed Yukari? Are you sure of it?

That was what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t say it. Even if Shinozuka said yes or no, there would be too much meaning behind his answer, and Shiiba wasn’t sure if he would be able to accept it now.

Shinozuka looked at Shiiba comfortingly. “I’m not the great person you think I am. I’m not strong or right or gentle.”

“What do you mean? Oniisan, you’re a wonderful person.”

“I might seem that way in your eyes, but I’m weak and dirty,” Shinozuka said with a gentle smile. “More than most people. If you knew the kind of person I really am, you might be disappointed.”

Shiiba shook his head vehemently. “No, I wouldn’t.”

Then he whispered, “I’m not cut out to be a cop anymore.” He had crossed a dangerous line. He had fallen in love with his S, gotten a gun illegally, and even fired it. He should be punished for what he had done. “I can’t be a detective anymore. I need to put an end to it...”

Shinozuka patted him lightly on the shoulder. “Masaki, everyone makes mistakes. But there’s more than one way to take responsibility for those mistakes. The most important thing is that you don’t forget about your actions and you keep on going. Everyone lives with compromises.”

They got off the elevator and walked down the long hallway towards the entrance. Shinozuka added, “Inside my heart, I’m always apologizing to Yukari. I don’t think that will ever change. But I’m not unhappy. I’m lucky to have had someone I can keep thinking of like this.”

Even though his late wife lived on inside his heart, Shinozuka wasn’t weighed down by the past. He was able to accept as a part of life the sadness, pain, and anger he felt.

They went to the front of the building and the doorman opened the door for Shinozuka and Shiiba. The car hadn’t arrived yet.

A quiet rain was falling. It was cold enough for them to see their breaths.

Shinozuka stuffed both hands in his pockets and turned towards Shiiba again. “You and Yukari were like a pair to me. Not because you looked like each other. But because you were both equally important to me.”

Shiiba was shocked at those words.

Godou hadn’t plucked just one wing off of Shinozuka’s butterfly. Shinozuka hadn’t meant just Yukari or just Shiiba. Yukari and Shiiba together had made one whole butterfly.

And the one-winged butterfly was Shiiba, having lost Yukari.

“Oniisan...” Shiiba felt something warm blossom in his chest.

Shinozuka knew. He knew Godou was the one who had killed Yukari.

“It looks like we’re finally going to be able to choke the life out of him.”

He hadn’t meant that as the police finally driving a dangerous individual they had their eyes on into a corner. It meant he would be able to punish the man he hated; the man who had killed his wife.

“Looks like the car’s here.” A white sedan pulled up and a young man came out of the driver’s side carrying an umbrella. He must have been an investigator for Public Security.

The man bowed. “Director, I’m sorry I made you wait.”

Shinozuka bowed his head slightly and smiled at Shiiba. “Masaki, don’t do anything reckless,” he warned Shiiba gently. “You’re not alone, okay?” He stepped under the umbrella his man offered him, then got into the car.

Shiiba, standing there for a while, watched it pull away.

There was a deep darkness inside of Shinozuka, too. Behind that gentle smile, there was an impenetrable darkness. But he wasn’t being swallowed by it. He embraced it and walked alone with it.

After seeing Shinozuka’s strength, Shiiba made a decision.

He would put his mistakes and what had happened with his S, Munechika, behind him. It might be cowardly and unfair, but he couldn’t quit being a detective.

He wanted to focus only on Godou right now. What was he going to do? Would he be able to solve the illegal firearms case?

He had to continue being a detective until it was settled.

And he would chase Godou, as a detective, until the end.

Chapter 8

He returned to the living room and saw Kaname disinfecting Munechika’s wound. The gauze was stained with red blood. The wound had probably opened because of the sex they had the night before.

“I told you to rest,” Kaname said in an agitated voice. “You’re so impatient.”

“I couldn’t help it,” Munechika whined. “A nice meal was set out in front of me. What man passes up a good meal?”

A nice meal. Shiiba snorted. He must mean me.

“Don’t you know what the word ‘restraint’ means?” Kaname turned his sharp gaze on Shiiba, who jumped. “You, too, Shiiba-san, I told you not to excite him!”

“I-I’m sorry,” Shiiba apologized seriously. “I’ll be more careful.”

Munechika burst out laughing. Whose fault do you think it is that I’m being lectured? Shiiba thought as he glared at him. Munechika feigned ignorance, turning away.

After Kaname finished wrapping his wound again, Munechika stood up and put his shirt on.

“What are you going to do now?” Munechika asked.

“Go talk to my boss,” Shiiba answered. If he wanted to continue being a detective, he had to go see Takasaki and withdraw his resignation.

But, even though the investigation on him was settled, Shiiba had still acted selfishly so he had to be prepared for punishment.

“I’m going to work now,” said Munechika. “I’ll drop you off at the station.”

Shiiba accepted his offer and left the building with Munechika. “Munechika, what’s your connection to the Kantou Kyouwa Society?” he asked as they got into the Mercedes with Kaname driving. “How do you know what they’re doing?”

“I’m indebted to the director of the Society,” Munechika said, crossing his arms. “I do various things for them, and now I’m sort of an express man to them.”

“What kind of person is the director?” Shiiba continued to ask.

“He’s a big-shot yakuza named Kounosuke Yashima,” Munechika revealed. “He was the head boss of Shouwa. He’s retired now, but he still has a very strong influence in the yakuza world. He used to be my guardian.”

Shiiba was surprised. That must be the man who took care of Munechika after his mother had died.

“Is he your uncle on your mother’s side?” Shiiba asked.

“Yeah. He’s like a grandfather to me, though.”

Now Shiiba understood why the Kantou Kyouwa Society had cooperated with Munechika even though he was involved with the Matsukura Group. The director knew he could trust Munechika.

Shiiba got out of the car in Shibuya. Munechika told him to contact him as soon as he could.

“Don’t move on your own ever again,” Munechika said forcefully. “No matter what happens, report everything to me. Got it?”

Shiiba watched as the Mercedes sped off down the road and remembered what Shinozuka had said before.

“You’re not alone.”

His brother-in-law was right.

Shiiba had thought he was by himself this whole time. He thought no one was on his side.

But that wasn’t true. He had two strong men supporting him on either side.

He had been lonely and had lived by himself, so he had thought that strength was all about not depending on others. But that point of view had just been a sad sense of self-satisfaction.

People grew stronger when they were encouraged by others. There was a certain courage of strength you couldn’t attain on your own.

Shiiba called Takasaki from a phone booth. “It’s Shiiba. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you worry so much. Can I come see you right now? I’ll be waiting in Shibuya. Okay. Goodbye.”

When Shiiba met Takasaki at his condo in Shibuya, Takasaki tore up Shiiba’s letter of resignation right before his eyes. And he strongly reprimanded him for cutting off contact for a whole week without permission and for acting selfishly.

Shiiba received one week of house arrest and ten percent salary cut for three months.

Even though he had been a disgrace to the department and he had to endure punishment, he was thankful he hadn’t gotten a longer period of time for house arrest.

Shiiba reported that there was a strong possibility that Takanari Godou was involved in illegal guns. Takasaki told him that they didn’t have solid proof yet, but they had received tips that the president of Asahi Construction company, Yasuo Maruoka, who had been killed in a hit and run accident, had conspired to sell the firearms. Takasaki promised to give more information when it became available.

Shiiba didn’t mention Kiri Yoshizawa. Godou had gotten her involved in this, and Shiiba wanted to approach her and get her to turn herself in. She was still a minor. She could still start over if she wanted to.

While Shiiba was under house arrest, he ordered a new cell phone. He said he had lost his previous number, so now it was impossible to place a call to his old one.

Munechika came to Shiiba’s condo every day and relayed the daily information about Godou. Munechika told him something very strange four days into Shiiba’s house arrest.

“Godou disappeared?” Shiiba gasped.

“Yeah,” Munechika affirmed. “We’ve been trying to locate him, but we don’t know where he is.”

“What about his villa in Hayama?” Shiiba asked.

“Completely empty. He hasn’t been to his condo in Ebisu either. Motoaki told us about some of his regular places and we’ve had them staked out 24/7, but he hasn’t shown up in any of them.

“Maybe he found out that you and the police were after him and he escaped the country.”

“I don’t know. He just disappeared all of a sudden.” Munechika threw himself on Shiiba’s bed and looked up at the ceiling. “We caught a bunch of members of his syndicate, but all of them say they don’t know where he is. He hasn’t shown up at any of his companies, either.”

Shiiba was concerned about how exhausted Munechika looked as he sat down beside him. “What’s going on with the Godou Syndicate? How are they managing without their boss?”

“It’s like a crazy mob. Ever since Godou disappeared they’ve been wavering. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they split up. They’re all after money so they sucked up to Godou. But now that he’s gone, they won’t stick by him forever.”

The Kantou yakuza organizations had already received a notification from the Kantou Kyouwa Society about excluding the Godou Syndicate from any dealings. Most of his umbrella companies immediately cut ties with Godou so as not to suffer the same fate.

Shinozuka had told Shiiba that the 2nd Investigation Unit was pursuing Godou to arrest him. So how had Godou disappeared when both the yakuza and the police were working as a united front against him?

“I’ll try going to Kiri’s place tomorrow,” Shiiba announced.

Kiri might know where Godou was. Plus he was worried about her.

“Kiri Yoshizawa?” Munechika asked. “But you’re still under house arrest. Just wait.”

“I’ll just go to check it out a little,” Shiiba said stubbornly.

“You can never sit still can you?” Munechika raised his hand and stroked Shiiba’s cheek.

Shiiba squeezed his hand. His eyes widened with surprise.

“Do you have a fever?” he asked. “You’re warm.”

Munechika raised his eyebrow casually. “Just a little.”

“Munechika, you’re still not well. Don’t push yourself. Don’t be so impatient, I’m sure Godou will turn up somewhere.”

Munechika was usually the one telling Shiiba not to do anything reckless, but this time it was the other way around. But Shiiba could tell that Munechika was getting desperate.

“I know,” said Munechika.

“Hurry home and rest,” Shiiba ordered.

Munechika narrowed his eyes unsatisfactorily. “You want me out of here that badly?”

Shiiba scowled. “What are you talking about? I’m just worried about you—”   

Munechika suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him down.

“W-what are you...?” Shiiba stammered.

“If you’re worried about me, kiss me,” Munechika ordered arrogantly.

Shiiba was confused. “Why?”

“Because I’ll get better,” Munechika said seriously. “Your kisses are much more effective than any vitamins or medicines I take.”

Shiiba was amazed. “Where the hell did you get that cheesy line?”

“Come on,” Munechika coaxed. “I’ve been running out of you. I need to recharge.”

“We see each other every day,” Shiiba pointed out.

“We see each other, but we haven’t had sex. I bet that’s why I have a fever, because I’m so pent up.”

“What kind of logic is that?” Shiiba complained, but the love he had for Munechika grew inside of him as he listened to Munechika’s childish demands.

He lowered his face and pressed his lips softly to Munechika’s. Munechika slipped his hot tongue inside Shiiba’s mouth.

“Mmmm...” Shiiba moaned from the raw feeling of their tongues intertwined.

As they exchanged deep kisses, he felt Munechika’s hand slipping under his shirt. Shiiba suddenly grabbed the hand and sat up.

“We can’t,” he said firmly. “We can only kiss.”

“Stop being so stingy!” Munechika cried out. “You sound like a girl!”

Shiiba shook his head and pushed Munechika’s hand away. “You have a fever. We can’t. If you collapse, Kaname will yell at me again.”

“So let him,” Munechika said teasingly. “He just hates lovey-dovey stuff.”    

“No,” said Shiiba. “I’m not fearless like you.”

Munechika sulked like a child, falling silent. Shiiba smiled dryly and grabbed his hand to soothe him. Munechika squeezed his hand back.

Their feelings got across to each other just from that slight warmth.

But happiness wasn’t the only thing Shiiba felt. Now that their relationship had changed, he couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy.

Munechika had told Motoaki that he would stay by his side and support him.

And now that Munechika was officially managing the Matsukura Group, he would continue to be directly involved with Motoaki. He wouldn’t be on the sidelines like he had been before. He would be helping Motoaki from the inside.

If Munechika was just an ordinary S, Shiiba wouldn’t care. He would be able to get information easier if Munechika had a higher position within the Group.

But now that they had a personal relationship, things were different.

Shiiba realized they couldn’t continue their business relationship as a detective and an S. He didn’t want to put the man he loved in danger. And he didn’t want to feel that he was just using Munechika to get information for his job as a detective. Even if Munechika wanted to retain their professional relationship, Shiiba wouldn’t be able to give him orders anymore.

But if he erased the record of Munechika being an S, he would lose his cover for continuing their relationship.

Detective and yakuza. No matter how much he thought about it, it seemed impossible. And if Munechika’s ties to the yakuza world were going to get deeper, Shiiba would have to quit being a detective in order for their relationship to continue.

Would he choose Munechika or his job? He only had two choices.

“Shiiba, what are you thinking about?” Munechika asked quietly.

“Nothing, really,” Shiiba replied.

Munechika saw right through his lie. “You’re uneasy, aren’t you? Just put everything on hold for now. We can think about it after the thing with Godou is over. I’ve been thinking a lot, too. So you don’t have to give me an answer just yet.”

Munechika probably wanted to say not to worry about it.

Shiiba nodded and Munechika kissed his hand.

“Munechika, can I ask you something?” he said.

Munechika sat up on one elbow. “What?”

“How long have you had feelings for me...in...that way?”

“What?” Munechika raised his eyebrows at Shiiba’s vague question.

“H-how long? You know what I mean, right?” Shiiba was so embarrassed asking the questions, he sounded angry.

“Are you asking me how long I’ve wanted you?” Munechika asked.

“Y-yeah,” Shiiba answered.

“Why are you so embarrassed? I can’t believe you’re the guy who got naked and masturbated in front of a complete stranger so long ago.” Munechika grinned and Shiiba hit him with a pillow.

“It’s really not necessary to bring up things I’m trying to forget,” Shiiba said with a huff.

“You were the one who wanted to hear it,” Munechika said laughing. “If I had told you while you were masturbating that I wanted you, I think you would have killed me.”

Shiiba was shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Idiot, I’m joking.”

Shiiba turned away from Munechika. “Never mind! I never should have asked you.”

“Don’t get mad! That’s one of my favorite memories. I got so turned on by how frustrated you got since you hate to lose. I got chills when you looked at me with that challenging look in your eyes and asked me if I wanted you to lick my Beretta.”

“And then you said you weren’t a Beretta, but a Magnum.”

Shiiba remembered those words. He wondered what Munechika would think after finding out how he had almost killed himself. He wanted to tell him but decided he should keep that incident himself.

“Yeah, because it’s true,” Munechika declared with satisfaction.

Shiiba glanced at him coldly. “Aren’t you going to answer my question?”

“Yeah. But to be honest, I’m not really sure myself. I was interested in you from the moment I first saw you, though.”

“The first time? When you dropped by Andou’s place?”

Andou had been Shiiba’s previous S. He had been a member of the Matsukura Group and had been an excellent S. He had been killed the year before by the Taiwanese mafia. Because of that incident Shiiba came to know Munechika, who had been Andou’s friend.

“No, I knew about you before that. One summer day I saw you and Andou at Bernard’s in Shinjuku. I was interested in you so I did some digging around and found out you were a detective. I’ve been interested in you since then. I guess it was love at first sight.” Munechika laughed lightly and intertwined his fingers with Shiiba’s. “Every time I saw you I was more and more attracted to you. At first it was just out of curiosity, but the desire to make that nosy detective mine became so strong. The more I found out about your complicated nature, the more I fell for you. Before I realized it, there was no turning back.”

Once he heard Munechika’s story, Shiiba realized that it didn’t matter when he had started having feelings for him.

A reason would have eased his worries, but he didn’t care if Munechika didn’t have one.

They met and were attracted to each other, they had struggled together, and now they had come to this point.

Just that was everything to them.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when I started liking you?” Shiiba asked teasingly.

But Munechika just smirked arrogantly, saying, “I don’t need to ask. It was love at first sight.”

“Oh, please. Every time I saw you, you always totally pissed me off.”

“Oh, you loved to hate me. You were pissed at yourself for being attracted to me.”

Shiiba couldn’t deny it. He looked down at Munechika. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious. You were meant to be mine.”

“Okay, I give up.” Shiiba laughed, bent down and kissed Munechika on his forehead.

The next day, Shiiba dropped by Yoshizawa Iron Works.

It was a weekday, but no one was working in the shop. Shiiba passed through the quiet shop and headed towards Tokujuurou Yoshizawa’s house.

He rang the doorbell, but no one answered. He circled around the yard, thinking no one was home, but then he saw Yoshizawa sitting on the porch, staring out at the yard with a dazed look on his face.

His expression looked so vacant that it took a while for Shiiba to call out to him.

“Yoshizawa-san,” Shiiba called gently so as not to surprise the old man.

Yoshizawa slowly turned his head and looked up at Shiiba. “Oh, Shibano-san. Welcome.” He gave his usual gentle smile which relieved Shiiba.

Shiiba bent down his head slightly and approached Yoshizawa. “How are you feeling?”

“The same,” the old man replied softly.

There was a dog collar in Yoshizawa’s hand. Shiiba looked around the small yard. He had seen Kiri petting an old white dog, but he didn’t see it anywhere now.

“Where’s the dog?” he asked.

“Died three days ago,” Yoshizawa revealed. “He was old, though...”

Shiiba felt sad looking at Yoshizawa’s wrinkled, lonely face.

“He was a quiet dog and he passed away the same way,” Yoshizawa continued. “When I woke up in the morning I saw him lying in the doghouse, dead. He looked like he was just sleeping.”

“Is that right?” Shiiba said casually. “I’m sure Kiri-san is taking it hard, too.”

Yoshizawa frowned. “She doesn’t know, yet. She left about two weeks ago and she hasn’t come home, yet.”

That must mean Kiri had been with Godou this whole time.

“Did something happen?” Shiiba inquired. “Did you two have a fight?”

“No. She’s involved with a bad man. She’s being controlled by him and he’s using her. I’m so worried about her, I don’t feel like I can die peacefully.” Yoshizawa suddenly began to tremble. Tears dripped down to the dog collar he clutched in his hand. It was like those tears were the only moisture left in his exhausted body.

Shiiba couldn’t stay silent anymore. At this rate Kiri would be Godou’s accomplice and the police would be after her. He decided to ask Yoshizawa the truth if that would help Kiri get off a little easier.

He sat down in front of Yoshizawa. “Yoshizawa-san, Kiri-san’s being used by Godou to make guns, isn’t she?”

Yoshizawa’s eyes widened as he looked at Shiiba. He was so surprised his lips began to tremble. “How did you...”

Shiiba bowed his head in apology. “I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I’m a detective. I’ve been investigating you in connection with illegal firearms.”

Yoshizawa was surprised, but he seemed to understand. He looked up at Shiiba with his tear-stained face and nodded slightly. “Is that right...deep down I had always wondered if that was the case. I don’t blame you for hiding it from me.”

Shiiba was sure those words were genuine. Yoshizawa had been in jail twice for making illegal firearms. He grasped the old man’s hand and said, “Please tell me. How did Kiri start making the guns? I know you were involved in illegal firearms before. You called them Yoshitoku Guns and they had a very high reputation. Did you teach Kiri how to make them?”

Yoshizawa’s shoulders dropped shamefully. “It’s all my fault. I’m the one at fault here. Shibano-san, I was secretly making illegal guns even after I got out of prison. But not to sell to people. Just for my own enjoyment. I think I was obsessed with making guns. I didn’t tell anyone about it. But one day Kiri found a gun I had made. She was sixteen. She showed a strange interest in them. She took them apart and put them back together, and then took them apart and put them back together again. After she understood the construction, it seemed like she wanted to make them herself. It sounds strange, but maybe the obsession for guns is in our blood.” Yoshizawa smiled weakly and gave a small sigh. “I knew I had to stop her, but once I saw what beautiful workmanship her guns were, I couldn’t say anything. To me, guns aren’t fearful weapons, they’re pieces of art. I got so much joy out of making such beautiful and delicate designs. That was really my only goal. But then a man I knew from work asked if I would start making guns again. It was someone I knew from the past.”

“Maruoka, the president of Asahi Construction?”

“Yes. I turned him down, but he was very persistent. And one day, he brought Godou here.” Yoshizawa clutched the collar in his hand. His hand was trembling slightly. “From the moment he saw her, I could tell Godou was interested in Kiri. She’s usually so shy and she never opens up to strangers, but she became immediately attracted to him as well. Soon he started coming here to see her more and more often. I’m not sure how, but he found out that she made guns, too. I fell ill and couldn’t work anymore, and at some point Kiri began to make guns at Godou’s request.” Yoshizawa became agitated, breathing hard. He took deep breaths to calm himself. “Maruoka sold the finished guns. I tried to stop Kiri many times. I told her it was fine if she continued making them as a hobby because it wouldn’t cause trouble for anyone. But once you give them to someone else, people might use them to kill someone. I didn’t want to burden her with the sin of murder. So I...I told her to stop so many times, but she...but she...” Suddenly Yoshizawa made an anguished face and grasped his chest.

“Yoshizawa-san, calm down,” Shiiba said and rubbed his back gently. But Yoshizawa’s face wrenched painfully even more as he struggled to breathe. “Take deep breaths.”

“She’s completely under his control...and she wouldn’t listen to me anymore...” Yoshizawa’s face went pale and he collapsed, perhaps because of an angina attack.

“Yoshizawa-san, are you all right?” Shiiba quickly supported his body and laid Yoshizawa on the porch. “Medicine, where’s your medicine?”

“S-Shibano-san, please help Kiri...Please save...her...” Yoshizawa pleaded in a weak voice.

Shiiba raced inside the house and looked around. The medicine was on the tea table. He returned quickly with the medicine and some water, but Yoshizawa had already lost consciousness. Shiiba wasn’t sure if he should force the old man to take the medicine or not. Being so elderly he might choke on the medicine.

If it was just an angina attack, he would be fine in a while. But since he had fainted, it was possible he had had a heart attack. And if that was the case, there was no time to lose.

Shiiba quickly called an ambulance. He waited a few minutes talking to the unconscious Yoshizawa. The ambulance arrived more quickly than he thought it would.

A middle-aged woman in her fifties rushed over to Yoshizawa as he was being carried away on a stretcher. She kept calling out to Yoshizawa in a desperate voice. “Toku-san? Hey, Toku-san! What’s wrong? Toku-san, wake up!”

“Are you a family member?” one of the paramedics asked Shiiba, but he shook his head.

“No, I’m a friend of his granddaughter’s,” Shiiba replied.

“I see.”

The paramedic turned to the middle aged woman next, and after she had answered a few questions, they got in the ambulance together.

After Shiiba was alone he took off his shoes and went inside the house.

The house looked as if time had frozen it in the Showa era. Shiiba’s eyes stopped on a Japanese-style chest. An old picture frame was on it, containing a picture of a young couple and their small child. It was probably Kiri at about age five. She was smiling and the man who appeared to be her father was hugging her. Her mother cuddled them both and looked happy. Perhaps Yoshizawa had taken the picture.

Shiiba placed the picture frame back on top of the chest and went to the back of the room. He opened the sliding door and saw another room with a bed, desk, bookcase, and a chest. He figured it was Kiri’s room, but it was awfully plain for a teenager’s bedroom.

There were many books about lathes on the bookshelf. There wasn’t a single comic book or novel. Middle school textbooks were lined up on the top shelf, which looked like they had never been used.

Yoshizawa had told him that ever since Kiri had stopped speaking ten years ago, she hadn’t gone to school much. She probably hadn’t gone to middle school, either.

Shiiba sat down on Kiri’s bed and tried to imagine what was going through her mind.

She had been a small girl when she had witnessed her parents’ suicide. She had been in so much shock that she had become mute. She didn’t have any friends and lived with just her elderly grandfather. What did she think about when she lived that kind of life? She was driven just by her job working the lathe and didn’t have any other enjoyment.

There was darkness inside of Kiri which Godou had taken advantage of. He had pulled out the anger and sadness that had slept deep within her, and used it for his own goals.

Everyone had darkness deep in their hearts. It was a lonely place where no light could reach. Like the bottom of a deep ocean.

In the darkness, people could sympathize with each other. Search for each other. Mix with each other and fuse with each other. But then their union would produce an even deeper darkness.

Shiiba prayed that Kiri wouldn’t be completely swallowed up by Godou’s darkness and that he could help her somehow.

Not because he was a detective, but because he had fought the darkness inside of himself as well.

Hatred and resentment. Suspicion and distrust.

He had fought those negative feelings for so long so they wouldn’t swallow him up. Even though he knew his negative feelings had the power to pierce through him, he fought against them, knowing that those negative emotions did not encompass his whole being. That he was more than just the darkness that lived within him.

He hadn’t overcome the darkness, yet. He was still in the middle of the fight. But he prayed that he wouldn’t lose.

So he wanted Kiri to come back to a place where light could shine on her again.

How could he persuade her?

He searched some more in her room until he found a bag inside a box on top of her desk. A cell phone company logo was on the bag. He quickly ripped open the nylon bag to see what was inside. When he checked inside, there were cell phone accessories and an instruction manual, just as he had thought.

There was also a copy of the contract, which was dated a month before and bearing Godou’s name. So, Godou had bought a cell phone for Kiri.

Shiiba took out his own cell phone and prayed while he dialed the number listed on the contract.

The call went through. The phone rang for a while before someone picked the call up. But the person on the other line didn’t say anything.

“Is this Kiri? It’s me, Shiiba.” There was still no response, so Shiiba continued. “If it’s you, Kiri, tap on the phone so I know it’s you.”

There came a tap tap sound like she was tapping with her fingernails. There was no way to know if it was actually her, but Shiiba decided to push on.

“Are you with Godou right now? Tap twice for yes and once for no.”

Tap tap.

“Where are you? Tokyo?”

Tap tap.

“I’m at your house right now, Kiri. Your grandpa collapsed and he got taken away by an ambulance. It doesn’t look good. When I got here, your grandpa was sitting on the porch and he looked really sad. He told me that white dog had died.” Shiiba took a breath. “Kiri, come back. Get away from Godou. Your grandpa’s so worried about you. Go to the hospital with me.”

There was no response this time. Maybe she was torn or maybe she had no intention of coming home.

No, Shiiba thought firmly. Kiri cared for Yoshizawa. She had to be worried about him.

“If you can’t get out now, come at night when Godou leaves. I’ll be waiting here for you. I’ll wait here, okay? So come home. Got it?”

There was still no response. The phone line went dead.

Chapter 9

“Okay. I got it. I’ll call you back.” Shiiba hung up the phone after speaking to Munechika.

The lady neighbor who had gotten in the ambulance had come back a little while ago and told Shiiba the name of the hospital they had taken Yoshizawa to. The old man did have a heart attack and they weren’t sure if he was going to make it.

Shiiba informed the woman that he told Kiri he would wait for her there. She was a kind woman. She went back to her own house for a while, and reappeared a little while later saying, “Aren’t you hungry?” and handed him some tea and onigiri.

According to the woman, Yoshizawa didn’t have any relatives so if anything happened to him she didn’t think that there would be anyone to look after Kiri.

Shiiba sat down on the porch as Yoshizawa had done to wait for Kiri to come home.

As he sat still, many thoughts came to mind. Everything that had happened up to that point. What would happen from now on. Thoughts came and went like the ebb and flow of rushing waves. He was never good at waiting for things. He hated sitting still, so waiting there was torture for him.

After realizing how painful waiting was, he suddenly felt like apologizing to Munechika. He had left while Munechika was unable to move resulting to Munechika being worried sick and irritated at himself because he couldn’t do anything. The sense of helplessness Munechika must have felt at being able to do nothing but wait for Shiiba to return, if Shiiba had been Munechika, he wouldn’t have been able to handle that.

But he had to wait. He had decided to trust Kiri, so he had to wait.

He picked up the collar that had fallen to the ground and silently talked to Kiri.

Kiri, the person you care for the most is suffering right now. The person who loves you most in the entire world. Let’s go see him together. He’s worried about you. He’s praying for your happiness. So please, Kiri, come home.

Shiiba continued to wait for Kiri. But no matter how long he waited, she didn’t show up. He decided to call her again and just as he pulled out his cell phone, it rang in his hands. For a second, he thought it might be Kiri, but it was actually Munechika.

“Kiri isn’t home yet?” Munechika asked immediately.

“Nope,” Shiiba replied.

“Give up on it tonight and just go home. You’re still under house arrest, remember?”

“Just a little while longer. I’ll just stay here a little bit longer.”

Shiiba heard Munechika sigh on the other end.

“I’ll go there right now,” Munechika declared.

“Why?”

“I just want to see you.”

It sounded like Munechika wanted to say something else, but he hung up immediately. Shiiba smiled dryly and returned his cell phone to his pocket. Munechika was clearly worried about him. He sighed, feeling guilty again about what he had done to Munechika.

Suddenly he saw a car’s headlights. He looked over and saw that a taxi had pulled up in front of the ironworks.

As soon as he saw someone get out, he raced towards the entryway. He put on his shoes and threw the door open. Kiri stood before him.

“Kiri!”

She stared at him with her black eyes. She was wearing jeans and a black sweater with an army jacket over it.

“Welcome home,” said Shiiba.

She nodded and started to walk slowly. Shiiba followed her. She headed towards the yard and stopped in front of the doghouse. She crouched down and peeked inside and, as soon as she saw that there really was no dog inside, she stood up and clenched her fists.

“Your grandpa said the dog was already dead when he woke up,” Shiiba said quietly. “Probably because of old age.”

Kiri looked at Shiiba with sad eyes.

“Your grandpa had a heart attack. It doesn’t look good. Do you want to go to the hospital now?”

Kiri looked as if she was thinking about it. She then turned her gaze to the ironworks. She grabbed Shiiba’s hand and wrote, “I want to show you something.”

“What’s that?” he asked suspiciously.

Kiri cocked her head and just went inside the house. She came out holding a key ring. She then headed towards the ironworks. Shiiba wasn’t sure what she was up to, but he followed after her.

She opened the door to the ironworks and flicked on the light switch. Half of the lights turned on. She then made her way between the lathes and grinders and stood in front of a small room that was walled off. She turned around and beckoned Shiiba to come closer. He obeyed without any comments. She used one of the keys to unlock the door.

Inside was a large work table with various things on it. They were probably parts for prototypes.

Kiri slid a key into the lock of a steel locker and opened the doors. Shiiba peered inside and caught his breath.

There were dozens of glinting revolvers stuffed inside a cardboard box.

Kiri picked one up and then grabbed another small box, which contained bullets. She loaded the gun with skillful hands, and put five bullets in, fully loading it.

“Did you make all those guns?” Shiiba asked, still shocked.

Kiri nodded and held the gun out to him. He took it and spun the cylinder. It moved smoothly. It was a single-action revolver, and surprisingly it had what was called a ventilated rib, which kept the gun cool after firing. It was probably a copy of the Colt Python. But as he inspected the gun more closely, it looked like she had combined the best parts of a Colt Python and a Smith & Wesson M29.

He couldn’t know how accurate it was unless he fired it or took it apart, but just by looking at it he could see what wonderful workmanship it was.

“Kiri, were all these guns supposed to go to Godou?” he asked.

Kiri took a notepad off of a desk and started writing. She showed it to Shiiba. “Yes. But he doesn’t need all of them anymore. You can have these.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of—” Shiiba stopped. He had heard a strange sound. It was a splashing sound, like some kind of liquid that was being poured.

Kiri must have noticed it too, because she turned towards the door. Shiiba, still holding the gun in his hands, ran to the middle of the ironworks.

There was a man in a suit standing in the back of the dimly lit room. He was holding a plastic container while walking around and scattering a clear liquid all over the place. He was walking around casually, as if he was just watering plants.

“Godou, what are you doing?” Shiiba asked loudly.

Godou set down the plastic container by his feet and smiled gently at them. “Shiiba, I didn’t expect to see you here. I was worried about you since Motoaki took you and you didn’t return! I can’t get a hold of him. Bad boys.”