Chapter 3.2

Translator’s Note: This novel is fully translated and available for read at the Kofi shop

The two sat facing each other. He remained silent, his large hand fiddling with the teacup, as if pondering how to begin.

She suddenly felt nervous, afraid he might say something she did not want to hear. She took the initiative to break the silence. “Actually, there’s something I want to ask for your agreement on.” She said hesitantly.

“What is it?” He sipped the fruit tea, which was perfectly brewed with just the right sour and sweet balance, and once again marveled at her culinary skills. What was going on with this miraculous change?

“Does Yangyang have to be taken care of by a nanny during the day? You’ve seen it yourself. My body has fully recovered now. I can take care of Yangyang completely on my own.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “Don’t you feel tired?”

“Tired?” She was stunned for a moment, then shook her head. “No.”

He set down the teacup. “But I feel tired for you.”

“Ah?” She became even more confused.

“Why force yourself like this?” He asked directly.

She blinked, her expression somewhat bewildered.

“You’ve never been used to doing housework, and you didn’t know how before. Why are you doing all this now?” He looked straight at her, his gaze clear and sharp.

She felt flustered under his stare, her heart skipping several beats.

“Is it… bad that I’m doing this? Don’t you want me to?”

Men all want their wives to be frugal and manage the home well, right? Deng Ruofan used to always say that he worked hard outside, struggling to provide, just so he could come home to a clean and warm house. That was why he never allowed her to go out and find work.

“Behind every successful man is a woman. Your most important job is to manage this home well for me.”

Deng Ruofan always demanded this of her.

The man works outside, the woman manages inside. She had always shouldered all the housework, while Deng Ruofan would not even pour his own cup of tea.

“If you are doing it willingly, I have nothing to say, but you do not need to force yourself.” Du Lingyun’s expression was serious.

She stared at him blankly.

“Think about it yourself. Since you came back from the hospital to this home, which day have you not been busy like a spinning top all day long? Have you ever stopped to catch your breath and truly rest?”

“You are forcing yourself, Jian Lanxi. Why?”

Why? Did that even need to be asked?

Cheng Yu hooked her lips in self-mockery. “This is what I should do…”

“No, this is not what you should do. What you should do is be a good mommy to Yangyang. As for housework, leave it to the hourly housekeeper. You do not need to push yourself to do it.”

“I am not pushing myself.” She became unhappy. Somehow, his rational and seemingly considerate words hurt her. “I want to do these things. I want to make this home feel like a home. I want to turn this place into a real home. I want…”

She suddenly stopped, her voice choking in her throat.

“Want what?” He asked faintly.

She could not say it.

But he said it for her. “You want to prove yourself, right? You want to prove that you are not the old Jian Lanxi anymore. You want to prove that you can be a good mommy and a good wife, right?”

“Yes… so what if it is?” His accusatory tone inexplicably hurt her. “Is there anything wrong with me doing this?”

He looked at her, raising her defenses like a hedgehog with spikes. His brows twisted, his tone becoming sharper. “Are you afraid? Afraid that if you do not do something well, I will not let you stay? Afraid of being driven out of this home?”

Cheng Yu suddenly drew in a sharp breath.

She was shocked. In this moment, she suddenly understood her own fear.

Just like long ago, when the social welfare agency sent her to a foster family, she had also desperately done everything, spinning like a top all day, urgently wanting to prove her usefulness to them, that she could contribute to the family and truly belong.

So, do not abandon her, do not drive her away. She wanted a home.

Because she had once lost it, she longed even more to have one…

Why could this man always easily see through her weakest side? Why could a few casual words from him make her feel so wretched?

Cheng Yu bit her lip hard, desperately holding back the surging waves in her heart, but her slightly trembling lips betrayed her agitation.

Du Lingyun looked at her. A faint trace of pity rose in his heart. He had never thought he would one day feel this emotion toward this woman, but now, he indeed felt a kind of reluctance to hurt her.

For some reason, he felt that she seemed very lonely, very isolated, and had already grown used to such loneliness and isolation.

But how could that be?

She was clearly a girl raised with pampering and indulgence.

Could it be that he had never truly understood her before?

“Do not be afraid.” Unknowingly, he softened his voice. “This home is also yours. As long as you do not give up yourself, you have the right to stay.”

Cheng Yu’s heartstrings tightened. She suddenly raised her eyes to look at him. “I… can I?”

He nodded solemnly.

A teardrop silently fell. She startled, realizing her lapse, and hurriedly reached to wipe it away. Her pink lips bloomed into a beautiful smile.

“Thank you! Thank you…”

She thanked him again, as if he had granted her some great favor.

Du Lingyun did not understand why, but he knew it made his heart ache.

But soon he forced himself to withdraw such emotions, his expression returning to its usual calm. “About the matter of Yangyang’s nanny, next week I will take you to report back at your company. Think about it then! You told me before that you hoped to find a sense of achievement in the workplace. Maybe you will want to go back to work.”

Is the workplace more important than accompanying the child as he grows? Cheng Yu did not think so, but she did not voice any rebuttal, quietly accepting his arrangement.

That night, Cheng Yu did not sleep peacefully. Past midnight, she heard a soft sound at the door, then someone walked in.

It was Du Lingyun!

Cheng Yu tensed her nerves. Her hands hidden under the blanket quietly clenched. She closed her eyes pretending to sleep, yet she could clearly feel him standing by the bed, silently gazing at her.

That gaze was somewhat gentle, somewhat probing.

What did he want to do?

Cheng Yu’s heart was in chaos. She held her breath waiting, but he only stood quietly by the bedside. After a long while, several suppressed coughs suddenly sounded in the room.

What was wrong with him? Did he catch a cold?

Another uncontrollable cough, then the man quietly turned and left, just as he had quietly come.

Only then did Cheng Yu let out a breath.

Although she really wanted Yangyang as her child, wanted to be good to him, pamper him, love him, make him truly her own, toward the child’s father, she did not know how to treat him.

After that marriage with Deng Ruofan, she no longer had expectations for so-called marital affection. She did not feel her future life needed a man.

But the reality was that this man was Yangyang’s daddy.

Could she have only the child and not the child’s daddy?

Or perhaps, when she could control everything better, she could persuade him to divorce her and give her custody of the child…

Would that be too selfish? Cheng Yu, you are simply like a wicked witch wanting to steal the child!

Cheng Yu felt ashamed. A scene slowly emerged in her mind: that man holding an umbrella over her as she cried bitterly in the rain, shielding her from the relentless storm beating down on her.

“Miss, no matter what has happened to you, think about the people around you who care for you. For them… no, even more for yourself, you must live well.”

Because of his words “live well for yourself,” she finally gathered the courage to propose divorce to Deng Ruofan. Even if only a few months of life remained, she hoped to live without regrets, without remorse.

It was him who pulled her back when she was at her most desperate.

If possible, she hoped to repay him, at least to make the tired shadows under his eyes disappear, to let him laugh refreshingly.

Cheng Yu softly murmured this name in her heart, her eyes wide open staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep for a long time.

After drinking a full glass of warm water, Du Lingyun finally felt the faint pain in his throat somewhat suppressed.

He returned to the study and lay on the sofa bed, discovering that the bedding had been changed again. The sheets and quilt smelled fragrant, with the scent of having been sun-dried.

He slightly turned his body, half-burying his face in the pillow, allowing himself to fully enjoy this fresh aroma.

Toward this marriage, he had originally held some expectations. Back then, he had also been moved by that woman. It was just that his innate rationality told him the two were not suitable.

If not for one night when both had drunk too much and spent a night entangled, resulting in a baby in her belly, he might not have married her so quickly.

At that time, upon learning she was pregnant, how happy she was, urging him to show sincerity by marrying her. Yet unexpectedly, after marriage, the one who regretted it was also her.

She found him dull, found him lacking in romance, disliked how married life was not as interesting as she had imagined, extremely boring.

She could not stay at home, always running out all day. After starting work, she was like a kite set free, her heart drifting far away.

He did not blame her, nor did he force her to stay home playing the role of a virtuous wife and good mother. Everyone has the life they want to pursue; he understood.

He just could not understand how, no matter how much dissatisfaction she had in her heart, she could take it out on their own child.

Yangyang was innocent.

She could blame him, resent him, but no matter what, she should not hurt Yangyang.

She had touched his bottom line. For the first time, he had the thought of divorcing her.

But now, after a car accident, she has changed.

Changed to the point of being nothing like her former self.

Could losing memory also change a person’s personality?

Du Lingyun remembered tonight when he privately asked his son what Mommy had done. Yangyang’s excited and eager expression to share with him softened his heart.

In Yangyang’s mouth, Mommy was simply like an angel: she would hug him, kiss him, sing to coax him, and play with him.

“She also said she would never do that to Yangyang again, never make me hurt anymore!” When his son said this, his innocent and happy smile warmed him yet pained him.

He thought she had truly changed.

This gentle and considerate her, who would happily play with their son, who would thoughtfully lay out sun-dried bedding for him—this was not like Jian Lanxi.

Du Lingyun thought this as his consciousness gradually grew hazy. In the half-dream half-awake state, he saw a delicate face smiling so faintly and clearly. Her bright eyes were like the clearest lake water, gently rippling.

And so he also smiled, in the dream.

Translator’s Note: This novel is fully translated and available for read at the Kofi shop