A New Path to New Asses

The next morning, after a hotel breakfast and another dip in the hot spring, the trio hung out in their room for a bit, enjoyed soba noodles for lunch near Hakone-Yumoto Station, and headed for the Hakone Open-Air Museum. This is home to one of Japan’s largest collections of sculptures, and sculptures naturally meant nudes. Itsuki spotted it in a travel guide he leafed through in their room, suggesting a visit because “2-D porn is nice, but sometimes I want to see more artistic porn.” Haruto and Setsuna readily agreed, not having any other plans.

It wasn’t long before they stepped off the train at Chōkoku-no-Mori Station.

“Whoa. It’s colder than I thought.”

“It sure is!”

Itsuki and Setsuna, both in short sleeves, shivered a little. It was clear and sunny outside, but up in the mountains, the temperature had dropped considerably.

“I told you to bring something besides a T-shirt,” Haruto breezily admonished. He was wearing a jacket.

“Ahh, I’ll get used to it,” Setsuna replied just as breezily as he walked on.

The Hakone Open-Air Museum was the first of its kind in Japan; a large, lush park with views of the mountains around Hakone and loads of sculptures on display. According to the guide, being placed out in nature made the artwork present itself in numerous ways depending on the time, weather, and season.

“Wow, this guy has a pretty nice ass!”

Setsuna was having a good time near the ass of a statue of Hercules, naked with bow drawn. When it came to asses, he wasn’t picky. Young, old, male, female, 2-D, 3-D, organic, or not—if they were beautiful, he loved them. The entire place was ass heaven for him.

“Hmm… A lot of nice nudes around here. Beautiful women, shedding their clothes on this wonderfully sunny day… I could use this kind of scene in Sisterly Combat…”

Itsuki continued to mutter to himself as he took pictures. As someone who enjoyed the fully nude form more, there were a lot of works that spoke personally to him. Even a more symbolic sculpture, not heeding the laws of reality, was enjoyable to both Setsuna and Itsuki as long as they were nude and had an ass.

Haruto, meanwhile, was not as into either of these topics as Itsuki and Setsuna. 2-D clothed girls were more his thing, so normal sculptures didn’t capture his attention much. He wandered around, thinking, Huh, Hercules had a pretty normal-sized dick, and I wish there was a sculpture of a maid giving me a panty shot, and other nonsense. Then one of the more gigantic pieces caught his eye.

“…Wow. This looks like the last boss of a video game.”

This sculpture, called Rupture, featured a group of figures intertwined so they looked a bit like Neo Exdeath. For someone like Haruto without much artistic grounding, the piece was extremely stimulating, scratching an itch for the grandiose, nonsensical fantasy worlds a middle schooler might craft for himself.

Other pieces around the museum’s main meadow were also large, or flashy, or beautiful, or too avant-garde to fathom, or just kind of cool for reasons none of them could put into words. Haruto was enjoying himself just as much as his companions.

As they explored the park, the path eventually brought them to the Picasso Pavilion, which (as the name suggested) was filled with the works of the European master.

“Oh, I think I’ve heard of Picasso!” exclaimed Setsuna.

“Well, duh,” Itsuki replied.

Inside, they didn’t find Guernica or any of the other works that defined Pablo Picasso to the world, but it still boasted a large collection of sketches, ceramics, and more. Itsuki and Haruto browsed through the displays, not knowing much about either art or Picasso but still going “Huh” or “Ohhh” as if they maybe understood anything they were seeing.

“This one’s called Sausage and Egg… Yeah…”

“That’s sure what it is…”

They both kind of squinted a bit at the ceramic piece showing a black sausage, a sunny-side up egg, and a fork on a plate. They had trouble figuring out what was so amazing about it or any of the other similar pieces showing fish, bugs, and more on plates.

“…Did Picasso make these in arts and crafts with his grandson during summer vacation?”

“Pfft…!”

Itsuki’s joke made Haruto crack up. It really did seem that way to him.

There were other head-scratchers—a tree with some kind of artwork on it, some metal bars adjusted to create a sort of chaotic pattern, some kind of abstract human face. They looked at them all, question marks floating above their heads, before Itsuki finally came out and said it.

“Hey…do you think maybe Picasso didn’t know shit about art?”

“That’s a pretty bold statement!” Haruto quickly blurted out—even though he had been vaguely wondering the same thing. He couldn’t understand what was so great about these crafts he made in the shed with his grandson—not because he lacked the capacity to appreciate them, but because Pablo Picasso wasn’t actually all that special.

“Like, I think I could make half this stuff.”

Haruto nodded. “You’re totally right… The world of art makes no sense to me. But what does this stuff say to a pro illustrator like Setsuna—? Uh…”

He turned around, then realized Setsuna was nowhere near him. They looked for him around the museum, only to find him a distance away, peering intently at another artwork. His attention had been taken by the museum’s cubist section—abstract paintings that take apart their subjects and express them as sort of squared-off facets.

“Hey, Setsuna?”

“……”

“Puriketsuuu?”

Nothing Itsuki said could break Setsuna’s concentration or elicit any kind of response. So Itsuki finally slapped him on the shoulder.

“…Oh, hey, sir.”

“You look pretty into this painting. What do you like about it?”

“Sir,” he said, as if in a fever dream, “Picasso was, like, the greatest artist ever…!”

“Uh, he was?” Itsuki vaguely asked, a little remorseful for dissing the guy a moment ago.

“His sketching and sculptures are great,” Setsuna excitedly continued, “but this cubist stuff is awesome! I can’t believe this stuff exists! I’ve finally found, like, the most incredible art style out there!”

“R-really? Well, um…great…?”

“Yeah! Really great! I’m gonna paint cubism from now on!”

“Whaaaa—?!” “Huh?!”

This shocked Itsuki and Haruto.

“Cubism… You’re gonna change your art style to this?”

“Yup!”

“You can’t do that!”

Puriketsu’s career was mostly in illustration for light novels. He was successful at it, enjoying overwhelming popularity and skill. In a genre of art that emphasized cute characters and heart-pumping landscapes, cubism really had no place.

“Look, Setsuna, your style couldn’t be more attractive. There’s no need to change it up.”

“Yeah, Setsuna. You have legions of fans looking forward to your stuff. I need you to keep the nerds of the world squealing with joy at the works of Master Puriketsu.”

Puriketsu switching to cubism would come as a major blow to the industry. Itsuki and Haruto felt a serious need to talk him out of this blunder—but Setsuna sternly shook his head.

“But I’ve finally woken up to true art…! Not even you guys can stop me from feeling what’s in my heart!”

“Setsuna…”

The passion in his eyes quieted the two of them. As they silently stood there, Setsuna went back to poring over the Picassos before him.

“This is…really bad, right?” Haruto asked, breaking out in a cold sweat.

“N-nah, I mean, light novel illustration and cubism are just too far apart. He can’t change his style that easily… He’ll get bored of it sooner or later and go back to being Puriketsu, I’m sure…”

He knew it was overly optimistic, but that was all Itsuki had to offer.

…This marked the birth of an artistic genius who would later be hailed in some parts as the second coming of Pablo Picasso. Pablo Purikesso, if you will.