A Childhood Scene

As she recalled, Chihiro Hashima had first wished for a big brother even before she started elementary school. Her mother had taken her to a department store—she needed to buy clothing for her job. Chihiro didn’t expect Mom to buy anything for her, but just getting to go out on the town together was fun in itself.

The two of them browsed around the store for a bit, and then her mother sat her down on a bench in the store’s waiting area—she needed a little time of her own to shop, she said. Chihiro was used to waiting by herself. She watched the people passing by—it was the weekend, so there were a lot of parents with their children. It didn’t particularly stir her as she patiently waited for her mother.

Then she heard a child crying nearby. Turning her head, she found a girl about her age sitting on the floor and bawling. Next to her was a boy maybe a few years older than her, looking concerned. To Chihiro, they looked like a pair of siblings who had gotten lost in the store.

The sister, screaming for Mommy and Daddy at the top of her lungs, irritated Chihiro a little. Can’t she be quiet? She’s practically my age. It’s so childish, thought little kindergartener Chihiro as she watched.

Suddenly, the brother sat himself down on the floor, brought his head up to his sister’s, and made a goofy face at her. The sister watched blankly for a moment, then started crying again. The brother tried another silly face—no effect. Still, he kept trying, patiently talking to her with a big smile on his face to make her stop.

After some more time, the little sister gradually grew quiet. She took her brother’s outstretched hand and stood up, still looking discouraged as the two of them began to walk off.

Suddenly, they both began beaming. The sister let go of her brother’s hand and started running. Ahead of them were a kindly looking husband and wife, presumably their parents. The mother held on tight to the girl as she burst into tears all over again. The boy took his time coming over, looking a bit bashful; his father patted his head, and then tears began coming out of the brother’s eyes. He must’ve been aching to cry, too, but he’d held it in, smiling the whole time to keep his sister’s spirits high.

Something about the whole scene seemed so sublime, so beautiful to Chihiro. That was what a big brother was. Here was a sister, a mother, a brother, and a father—a true family—and Chihiro watched them closely as they left in happiness, never even realizing that she was starting to cry herself.

Waking up in the morning, Chihiro noticed the remains of tears across her face.

Oh. Right.

Now she realized what she had been thinking back then. “I want a big brother.” “I want a normal, happy family.”

When she’d heard that Keisuke Hashima might call off the marriage with her mother, Natsume, she wanted to stop him. She even made a suggestion that she knew, despite her childish age, was questionable at best. But why? Why did she yearn so hard for a family, for a big brother?

Recalling that early memory in her life, Chihiro smiled. It was a tiny vignette of a scene—too tiny, really, to be called a traumatic or formative experience. It was nothing more, really, than a typical scene from a typical family. And she wanted it so bad. But for all her life, it just seemed that little bit out of reach.