I Wanted to Be the Protagonist…

It was now mid-October, and that meant the month’s new GF Bunko releases were coming out today.

The big launch this month was undoubtedly Volume 7 of All About My Little Sister, whose anime ended its run a decent success. The first light novel volume after the anime’s ending was extremely vital in the effort to make any anime-driven boost a non-transient thing. To a publisher, the volume was literally more important than how well the anime reviewed or sold.

In a way, no matter how good the anime was, if the publisher didn’t put out a new volume right now, at this moment, then the whole project could be deemed a failure. To the novelist, as well, this was a key turning point, one that could affect their entire career. They couldn’t afford to waste that chance.

But Itsuki Hashima took that must-succeed volume…and failed to produce it.

So Volume 7 of All About My Little Sister was delayed—not just to next month, but to “TBD” instead of any solid date. Why? Because he hadn’t written a word of the Volume 7 manuscript yet. Nor had he written a single page for the new volume of Sisterly Combat, which he was writing in parallel.

Throughout Itsuki’s career, he had broken deadlines and fled from editors on many occasions, but he always submitted his work in time for the final, almighty Deadline. Thus, none of his releases had ever been delayed before—and now he had blown the one date he could least afford to blow.

And this wasn’t just a case of the manuscript not being in time. No, this was worse. He had become completely incapable of writing novels at all.

He could still write, of course. E-mails and texts weren’t an issue. But the moment he launched his word processor and tried to write a story, his mind turned blank, his fingers quivered, and he couldn’t move. It was the first time anything like this happened since he began writing novels.

Things had begun to go awry about four months ago—the day after Chihiro revealed she was actually a little sister all along. Itsuki intended to tackle Volume 7 while the excitement over anime Episode 1 was still fresh in his mind, but absolutely no ideas occurred to him for it. He was in good physical condition, so not being able to write struck him as weird—but hey, writer’s block wasn’t that uncommon, so instead he played video games, read books, and relaxed until Chihiro showed up.

The days continued similarly for a while after that, until Episode 1 was broadcast on TV. Toki asked him how the volume was going, and Itsuki offhandedly replied that it was going great. Internally, though, he was tormented. He knew just how imperative the next volume would be—he’d said so himself. Maybe, he thought, that was causing him pressure that led to this writer’s block…but deep down, he had a vague idea about the real reason.

And so time dragged on. He still had nothing by mid-July, and then he went with Ashley and Chihiro to the department store and bought a bunch of fancy clothing for his sister.

…She’s so cute, as sisters are meant to be.

…As her brother, I need to keep cherishing her.

Such was the feeling in Itsuki’s heart. He thought Chihiro was darling—as a little sister. And no matter how cute her clothing was—even if she went a little more daring with the skin she revealed—he never once looked at her from a sexual standpoint.

The slump continued into August, and now Itsuki was feeling the heat. He decided to read back through his novels, figuring they’d offer him some creative inspiration. He began with All About and Sisterly Combat, his current series, then went on in reverse chronological order—all the way to Genesis Sisters of the New World, his second series and the one he worked on with Setsuna. After that, he wrapped up his marathon reading session with Sister of the Apocalypse, his debut.

Every single book was written with the full force of body and spirit he could muster. Every one of them was a masterpiece, something he knew in his heart was spectacularly engaging. Or it should have been that way.

…But now, they seemed gross.

Disgust. That was emotion that constantly assailed him as he read his works. Because although the degree varied from book to book, each one featured the male protagonist having not-so-platonic feelings for his own little sister.

It’s gross. Why are all these protagonists acting so gross? I have no idea why I empathized with these guys. A man who views a member of his family as a potential partner… How could that be anything but gross?

Every chapter, every word he’d written—they all seemed so revolting now. Sister of the Apocalypse, his first novel, was particularly sickening. It was like a poisonous pit of slime, the condensed summary of a boy just out of middle school and his dark, disgusting desires.

You… You wrote this thing?

Now he understood what his father said back then and the emotions behind his pained expression. If someone knew their own son wrote something like this, of course it’d give them grave concerns. He understood, heart and soul, why his father wanted to protect Chihiro from him, even if it meant asking his stepdaughter to pretend to be a stepson for years on end.

The work of Itsuki Hashima—a truly eccentric talent, one recognized by Kasuka Sekigahara and Kenjiro Toki, one who inspired Nayuta Kani like nothing else in her life—was now gnawing at the core of his mind. His very identity, as a novelist who loved little sisters from the heart, was now crumbled.

So the slump got even worse. Just sitting in front of his computer would blank out his mind and make his fingers tremble. And then, finally, he confessed everything to Toki, his editor.

Toki had predicted that Chihiro’s unveiling of her secret would cause some kind of change in Itsuki. So despite knowing how much of a blow it was to have nothing All About to publish in October, he recommended that Itsuki take some time off. But that kindness only made Itsuki more stubborn.

“You don’t have to go that far! It’s just some writer’s block! The Taiwan convention’s coming up soon—an overseas trip is just the change of pace I need to dive right back into action! I promise I’ll get Volume 7 written up for you, so don’t any of you worry about a thing!”

Then the Taiwan trip came along. Interacting with a foreign culture was incredibly stimulating, and between that and the unforgettable food he stuffed himself with, it was the perfect mental change of pace. He met literally hundreds of his fans, all offering words of encouragement. He wanted to answer to them, and deep down, he swore to himself that he’d work hard from now on.

He arrived home at the peak of his motivation. It was time to face up to his manuscript…and then reality hit him. He just couldn’t write. Despair crashed upon him like a tidal wave.

Each episode of the anime was greeted with positive reviews. He’d search his name on the net and see the word great repeated over and over. Copies of All About were being stacked up high at bookstores, even into towers. At the voice recording sessions, Tarui the director, Oshima the producer, and the entire voice cast all told him, “I’m looking forward to the next volume.” Toki e-mailed him about the new printings they ordered—and the anime eventually tripled their circulation.

He’d wanted to be the protagonist. That single desire drove him to come this far. And as a result of that, he had masses of fans and friends expecting great things from him and supporting him. And that was wonderful; he never doubted that. But…

I… I became the protagonist. All by myself. Or so I thought.

But Chihiro, his little brother, turned out to be his little sister. Faced with that blockbuster twist, as comedic as it was non-fictional, his senses were burned to dust. He wanted to be the protagonist, but he also wanted to be a decent man, a decent human being. There was Itsuki Hashima, the dazzlingly talented, little-sister-obsessed novelist, and then there was Itsuki Hashima, the sensitive, decent young man troubled over his family and love life.

It was a miraculous balance, one that could only have been established because he lacked a sister, and now it had all toppled over.

You just told me I had a sister all along! What have I got to complain about? Ha-ha-ha! Today’s the happiest day of my life! C’mon, guys! Time to celebrate the occasion with another toast!

The day he learned about Chihiro, he shut away his internal panic with all his might. He held back tears that he didn’t know what they were about, tears that could flow if he let up for a single moment. He faked his excitement, disguising his unstable mind through sheer force of momentum.

Now he recalled the words he shouted out back on that night. And now he understood the tears that almost got the better of him.

And so GF Bunko’s October release date was today—a day that should’ve marked another chapter in his new and glorious advance, a day to remember. And now, helplessly looking at the still-blank page, Itsuki could feel his soul leaving him as he spoke out loud…

“I’m glad to have a sister? ………………What a goddamn lie.”