The Novelist Was a Little-Sister-Obsessed F■■k
The Novelist Was a Little-Sister-Obsessed F
k
It was the year 794 in Godstar reckoning, the nineteenth day of the month of Kelnunnus the Ruinbeast. A Varandian Empire force of 32,000, led by General Valmadeth, known as the “Dark Protector,” was situated on the Great Slope, facing off against the 22,000 Granvarea Republic troops commanded by “Thunder God Fang” Vaxido.
After several days spent staring one another down, it was ultimately Granvarea’s 4th Division, led by the brave general “Dark Lightning” Honda [TEMP. WILL THINK OF NAME LATER], that triggered the battle.
“Our enemy may outrank us, but if we fight our own battle, I think we have a chance at victory.”
Ignoring Commander Vaxido’s plan to focus on defense until reinforcements arrived from neighboring lands, Honda led his own force in the attack on the twenty-fourth day, launching a surprise ambush on the Varandian force in a 3-2-5 attack formation.
“Yaksashiiiin! (Move up!)”
Honda’s trusted friends, Commander A [WILL THINK OF A NAME LATER] leading the 2nd Division and Commander B [NAME TK] of the 5th, followed soon after him. The attack temporarily threw the Varandian Empire into chaos, but Imperial Staff Officer Yasushi [TEMP NAME] promptly put an end to the confusion, fighting off the Granvarean advance with well-ordered precision.
Following a pitched skirmish, the momentum of the battle teetered toward the Empire and its superior numbers. But morale remained high among the Granvareans, soldiers and officers alike rousing one another as they struggled to fight their own war. “Keep your voices high!” “And your morale!” “Other side, other side! The other side of the V formation is open!” “It’s open! The right wing’s open!” “Clear, clear!” “Nice trap! Lure the tiger off its mountain lair!” “Stay onside!”
The fight extended on for several hours. While Vaxido stood by at first—“No need to rescue those who defied orders,” he’d said—he finally decided to deploy the supporter, the so-called 12th Division of the force, into the fray.
“Ohhh, oh, OH-OH-OH, ohhhh, ohhhhhh!!” [CHANGE THIS A BIT IF TOO CLOSE TO COPYRIGHTED LYRICS]
The oratorio provided by the supporters rocketed the morale of the Granvareans to yet-unseen heights, their soldiers turning into azure samurai with the strength of a thousand. Soon, they laid waste to the Varandian Empire’s force. “Those guys are crazy!” General Valmadeth kept repeating to himself as he fled back to his home nation.
Thus the decisive battle at the Great Slope ended with the Republic of Granvarea victorious—and General Honda, the leader who had engineered this grand feat, was heralded by the people as the savior of his nation. But this merely set the stage for a new conflict looming on the horizon…
One late October day in Itsuki’s apartment:
“Mmmmnnnnngnggggghhh…”
Kenjiro Toki placed the printout on the low kotatsu table and groaned ominously. Facing him, Itsuki frowned and gauged his expression.
Ten days ago, after hearing Miyako’s bright idea, Toki immediately called Itsuki and said, “Anything is fine, so just write something that’s not a little-sister novel.” Itsuki wasn’t too enthusiastic about this (“I don’t have the time to write something new when All About Volume 7 is on hold!”), but later reconsidered, figuring it better to write something instead of nothing. He didn’t have the time or the means to write a full project proposal or plotline, so he reused a fantasy-battle plot pitch that had been shelved around the same time as Crimson Jägers (tent.).
He had gotten started on the novel before—but it had been nearly four months since he discovered that his brother was actually his sister, and he hadn’t written a thing in that time. His very ability to piece sentences together had atrophied, or at least it felt that way. It took him ten whole days, in fact, to write the twenty-ish pages that composed the prologue.
And as for the content…
“…How should I put this…? It’s certainly unique.”
Normally Toki would immediately dash Itsuki’s hopes with a verbal rejection, but given the slump his writer was in, he chose his words rather carefully.
“…I turned on the TV and there happened to be a soccer game on, so…”
Itsuki made the awkward admission, knowing how dumb it sounded as he said it. That, apparently, was the reason the battle description veered into Premier League territory.
But that wasn’t the only strange part about the sample. When one knight dueled another, it took the form of a boxing match for some reason—and the scene where the protagonist’s father, Johann, fell in love with his mother, Rosaria, was taken straight from a recent TV drama. At one point, Rosaria (a Euro-style fantasy-world noblewoman) even called Johann (a muscly knight captain) “Hiramasa” by accident.
In twenty short pages, there was so much to riff on—and judging by how clearly “inspired” the text was by whatever Itsuki had on TV, one could see how much he must’ve suffered as he strayed way off course from his intentions. This was still better than his previous failure to write down a single word…but one could hardly call it a return to professional form.
“Haahh…”
Toki hadn’t meant to sigh, but Itsuki grimaced and hung his head.
“Oh, uh, no,” Toki said, trying to make up for it with too-bright cheeriness. “B-but, hey, at least you can write novels again! And this is just fine for now, so let’s keep this going until you find your voice again, okay?”
“…………Right, yeah…” Itsuki nodded, smiling weakly.
Toki saw fit to give him another boost. “I know! Now that we’re making some real forward progress, how ’bout I take you to a sex shop? Nothing like a quickie to get your blood pumping again!”
“I already got enough of that, thanks,” Itsuki replied flatly.
“Aww, don’t be that way. Here, I’ll introduce you to the best girl I know! She’s the one who got Hoshiimo all fixed up when the anime project leak crushed him.”
“Oh, hell no! I don’t wanna share a prostitute with Hoshiimo!” Itsuki shouted despite himself.
“Well,” replied Toki, hiding his internal anxieties with a smile, “if you ever wanna make the connection, just lemme know.”
