All for the Sake of My Novels

It was late March, and Itsuki was nude in front of his bathroom mirror. One might expect this to be because he was about to take a shower or soak in the bath for a bit, but this was not the case. Instead, the naked Itsuki had his member tucked between his legs, wriggling his body like Frieza’s final form and giving himself bedroom eyes in the mirror as he said, in a wooden falsetto:

“Ooh, big brother… Go right ahead… ”

……

…

Then he stared at the mirror for a moment.

“…No…”

He shook his head. Then, still in Frieza form, he put his arms in a cross in front of him, bunching what breasts he had closer to each other.

“Ooh, my brother, I’m not a child anymore… ”

Another few seconds of staring into the mirror. Then, a dead serious look. “No, no, no,” he grumbled.

Itsuki’s mind was no stranger than usual. This was all part of his manuscript work.

He was still toiling away on Sisterly Combat, Volume 5, and Hilde, the heroine of the tale and the main character’s little sister, was confessing her love to Sieg, as naked as the day she was born. Sieg had not really thought of Hilde as anything besides his “dear younger sister” before this point, but now, he would truly be looking at her as a member of the opposite sex.

It was a huge, important scene, far more serious than even the “Sieg’s first encounter with the fear of death” bit Itsuki finally wrapped up the other day. Sieg the Dark Knight was a coldhearted warrior, spurning the love (or lust) of countless charming girls who had approached him before now, and now he would recognize his own sister…as a woman. It was a big deal.

If a kinda-cute girl confessed her love to you at first sight, that’d make most young men (including Itsuki) fade into unconsciousness. But Sieg was different. He was a sharp, hardheaded man, and for plot reasons, this scene had to shake him to the very core of his being. Your run-of-the-mill love confession wasn’t gonna cut it.

How could Itsuki make this scene as convincing as possible? To answer that question, he was trying to portray Hilde in real life—hence his current bizarre behavior.

“Ooh, big bro… You can do whatever you want with my body… ”

—No. Hilde was a more proper girl than that.

“Ooh, big bro, I’m so embarrassed… Don’t look too much… ”

—That was seriously cute, but he had a feeling it’d be more fitting to make Hilde’s core strength the focus, not her shyness.

“I just want to wrap my entire body around you, big brother…”

—That didn’t seem right.

So Itsuki continued wriggling around Frieza-style as he laid out his best cutesy-girl lines in his falsetto. It is worth noting, again, that he hadn’t gone insane. He was being deadly serious about this.

Novelists have to use themselves like this all the time when working with certain plot situations. In order to correctly describe the bounciness of a beautiful girl’s boobs, (male) authors will jiggle their gut fat in front of the mirror; to figure out how to depict a kiss, authors (again, male) will aggressively smooch their upper arms over and over again. They might call out the names of magic spells or finisher strikes while writing action scenes, or start panting in a high-pitched voice when detailing the sexier parts.

This was all totally common, and Itsuki was sure all other novelists across the world did the same thing. The way this or that author described in such vivid, sensual ways what a breast or a rear end looked like, or how seductive someone’s nipples were, or how meltingly hot a kiss was—it was all just some dude poking at himself.

Thus, nothing about Itsuki in Frieza mode was out of the ordinary.

“I want you to be my first, big bro… …No!”

“My breasts are pretty big… …No!”

“Big bro… Let’s have sex… …No!”

“I want to do something for you too, big bro… No!”

“Brother… I’m a woman, too, you know… No!!”

“Maybe I should take a straightforward approach… I love you, big bro!!”

Frieza spread her arms out wide and latched on to her pretend big brother.

“Smooooch…”

And just when he was about to kiss himself in the mirror, he saw someone who wasn’t him in one corner of it.

“Kyaaaaaaa!!!”

Screaming in a cracking voice (since he was still in Hilde mode), he turned around to find Nayuta Kani pointing a smartphone straight at him.

“Wh-why are you here?!” he shouted, his face a vivid shade of red as he reflexively covered his crotch with his right hand and his chest with his left arm…then put both hands down there, realizing he didn’t need to hide anything around his upper body, and went from Frieza to normal mode.

Looking concerned, Nayuta said, “Umm… I rang the doorbell and nobody answered, but I could hear someone speaking in a weird voice inside, so I tried opening the door, and I realized it was unlocked. So I went in, and I heard the voice coming from the bathroom, so I checked it out, and you were hiding your dick in your legs and wriggling around naked cooing at yourself, so I thought I should probably get it on video.”

“Erase that video right now! And get out of here, too!”

Kicking Nayuta out of the bathroom, Itsuki hurriedly threw on a pair of underpants. I’ve never had a girl see me naked before. Now we’ll have to get married…Wait, there’s no way that’s gonna happen!

Shooing the ridiculous thoughts away from his mind, he clothed himself and sped for the living room. Nayuta was already by the kotatsu, and he felt she deserved an explanation.

“Um… All right. Look, Kanikou, what you saw was…”

“Oh, don’t worry! You were just trying to reenact a scene from your novel, right?”

This was absolutely normal and completely understandable behavior for all writers, so Nayuta, being part of the fold, required no further guidance.

“Oh…um. Yeah. It was that.”

Now Itsuki was relieved. Good thing it was Nayuta who spotted him. If it was Miyako or Chihiro, it would’ve driven deep cracks into their relationships. He breathed a sigh of relief as he joined her by the table—an action that resulted in a sudden bout of blushing on Nayuta’s part.

“Uh, what, Kanikou?”

“The memory of seeing you naked made me kind of excited.”

“Well, forget it right now! And did you delete that video?”

Nayuta shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“Well, do it! If that gets out, I’ll be dead to society!”

“Oh, it’s all right. I’m just gonna enjoy it all by myself.”

“Don’t! I want it off your phone and out of your brain, too, if you can!”

“Huh? I can’t do that!”

“Well, just erase the video, then!”

“Is that the tone of voice you use when asking a favor of someone?”

“Ugh… P-please erase the file for me…if you could…!”

He sounded near tears as he made the pleading request.

“Hmmm,” Nayuta purred, lips pouting. “Well, can you do one favor for me?”

“Yes! Yes, anything!”

She let out a soft sigh.

“…You know, you really shouldn’t say yes so readily to questions like that. You’ll make me get all carried away.”

“Oh… Yeah? Yeah, I’ll bet…”

Itsuki regretted the error, although he didn’t really feel like he deserved that chilly analysis.

“…So what do you want?”

“Please let me stay here for a while.”

“Huh?!”

As Itsuki yelped stupidly, she continued. “Starting today, they’re doing some remodeling work on the kitchen and bathroom in my place. I want you to let me stay here for around two weeks.”

“T-two weeks?! How do you expect me to do that?!”

Nayuta had stayed over several times before, either due to missing the last train or the weather making it too iffy to be outside. But those were strictly overnighters.

“You’re the only person I can turn to,” Nayuta pleaded, eyes turned upward to the flinching Itsuki.

“Wh-why can’t you stay at some friend’s house?!”

“I don’t have many friends.”

“But you have some, then, right? Like, you know, Miyako?”

“Aw, but Myaa lives with her parents. I’d be such a bother to them if I stuck around that long…”

“And you aren’t a bother to me?!”

“Well, you know, we’re gonna be married soon anyway, so…”

“We are not! …Wait, what about your parents?!”

“They’re staying at a hotel during the remodeling, just the two of them… Looks like I might have a little sister next year, huh?”

“…Let’s keep away from the dirty talk, okay?” Itsuki winced as he recalled his own family. “I mean, are your parents okay with that? Like, their daughter staying in some guy’s room for days on end?”

“Oh, um, yeah. I said I’m staying at my boyfriend’s place, and they said okay.”

“So go to your boyfriend’s place!”

“Aw, c’mon, Itsuki, I’m talking about you.”

“Stop making stuff up! Wait… You’re saying that your parents are okay with me?!”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Don’t give me ‘mm-hmm’!”

“I was hoping I could introduce you to them sometime soon.”

“Absolutely not!”

Itsuki shuddered. It started to sound like Nayuta was slowly removing all obstacles in her way.

“Well, ignoring that for the time being, it’s really true that I’ve got nowhere to go right now.”

“Can’t you just find a hotel like your mom and dad?”

“With you? In a hotel? Oh, that’d be great!”

“Dumbass! I’m saying, just go hole up in a hotel by yourself somewhere.”

“But staying in a hotel for two weeks would cost a lot of money, wouldn’t it?”

“Dude, you could afford to stay in a suite for two weeks! Hell, if you asked the guys at Editorial, they’d probably set up a room for you.”

Nayuta Kani was currently the biggest profit driver for her publisher. It was to the point where the presence, or lack thereof, of a new novel in her Landscape series had a major impact on the company’s end-of-year financial figures. If she wanted to lock herself in a room somewhere to focus on writing, her editors would no doubt start loading hotel websites that very instant.

“Yeah, but if I have my publisher pay for a hotel and all, that means I’ll have to start working and stuff, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t think so? It’s not like they’ll have a surveillance camera on you. Just say, like, ‘Well, I tried, but nothing really panned out’ or whatever.”

“Ahh, I see… Quite the sneaky one, aren’t you? But I don’t want to stay in a hotel by myself. It’s boring.”

“So just hang out at a twenty-four-hour manga café or—well, a girl spending multiple nights at a place like that probably isn’t a great idea, no…”

“Aww! You’re so kind to worry about me like that! I love you!”

“Shut up… I really think you should ask your editor for a room. If you get bored, just have ’em get some books or games for you.”

“Ugghh!” Now it was Nayuta who was about ready to lose her temper. “Look, I just want to have some reason for staying at your place! Get the picture already!”

“I have! That’s why I’m trying to find some kind of reason to turn you down!”

“…And you said you’d do any favor I asked, too.” Nayuta puffed out her cheeks.

“Mngh…” It might have been spur-of-the-moment, but Itsuki had said it. It made him hesitate.

“You realize I could’ve said ‘please marry me’ instead, right? But instead I’ll just be satisfied with staying at your place a little while. You see? I don’t think that’s such a bad deal for you, is it, Itsuki?”

“…Mmmh…”

“Plus, who said anything about staying for free?”

“What…?”

Nayuta smiled at the dubious-looking Itsuki.

“If you let me stay here, I’ll let you do anything you want with me. You can join me while I’m taking a bath all you like, or come into the bathroom when I’m taking a dump, or do dirty things to me while I’m sleeping. Or even when I’m not sleeping! It’s all welcome, and I live my life strictly in the unrated director’s-cut version! I don’t care what you do, and I’ll follow all of your orders, too. For example, I could take your cock and—”

“All right! Just two weeks, right?! Stay here for free, for all I care!”

“No, not free, I’m staying you can do dirty things to—”

“For free!” Itsuki sounded desperate as he raised his voice, cutting off the harried Nayuta. “Stay for free! I won’t take a single thing from you!”

Not right now, he added internally to himself.

“Aw, you don’t have to reject me like that… (´▪ ω ▪`)” The look on Nayuta’s face seemed to indicate some slight disappointment, but she quickly smiled again. “Ee-hee-hee! I’m finally moving in with my boyfriend…”

“You’re not ‘moving in’! You’re just staying for a bit!”

He knew there was no point shooting her down, but he still shouted the reply back, his face bright crimson.