Let’s Think Up a Present!

“So I’m thinking about throwing a surprise party.”

Three days after Itsuki and Haruto met in Akihabara, Nayuta blurted the statement out of nowhere as she sat by the low kotatsu table of Itsuki’s apartment, messing around with her tablet.

Nayuta Kani, the silver-haired and blue-eyed beauty, was a genius writer, the number-one novelist working for the publisher Itsuki and the others contributed to. In recent days, she had requested a “lockdown” (a hotel spot or office inside the publisher where writers or artists could fully concentrate on their work) and was rewarded with a long-term stay at a hotel ten or so minutes’ walk away from here. This made her physically closer to Itsuki now, which meant she was hanging out in his apartment more often than ever.

“Huh? A surprise…?”

Itsuki, lazing at his computer and “ego-searching” (i.e., checking the Internet for people talking about you or your work), gave her a quizzical look. There wasn’t much energy in his face; his eyelids were half-closed out of fatigue.

After their newest book comes out, most authors are too busy fretting over sales and reviews to worry much about writing. They stake out the new-release sections of bookstores for days in a row to see if customers are actually buying the thing, engage in ego-searching day and night, or just waste the day holding drinking parties, playing games, watching TV, sleeping, waking up just in time to score the login bonus on whatever mobile game has their attention, falling asleep again, and so forth.

It’s a phase, and one that lasts unpredictable amounts of time before the novelist feels ready to work again. Even with the same author, it can be long or short at any time. It depends on things like the amount of work spent on the book, the author’s dedication or confidence, the initial reaction, whether it’s the first or last book of a series, whether the franchise is in danger of being cut unless it starts selling, and how close other deadlines are. There are some superhumans who can get back to work right on launch day, while other authors shamble around like zombies for several months or more.

The only thing for sure is that there’s (probably) no such thing as a novelist who doesn’t care about the response to their work. Even Nayuta Kani, driven by nothing except true love for Itsuki, once grew so overexcited after one of her books went on sale that her self-pleasure sessions became notably longer and more frequent.

As has frequently been said, a novel is like the child of its author. And no would-be parent simply abandons their child.

Given the fairly fast pace of his releases, Itsuki Hashima was the sort to return to work relatively quickly. The newly launched Volume 5 of Sisterly Combat, however, was his most strenuous project yet—one that, thanks to all the pain and torment he dealt with during its production, he was sure was his greatest work. He had more love for it than any of his previous novels, and it filled him with a great sense of relief to have finally gotten it out. That and total exhaustion. And a level of sensitivity to sales figures and reviews that he had never before experienced.

“A surprise party.”

“It’s kind of surprising to hear you use such a normal-sounding word,” Itsuki dully replied. “A surprise for what?”

“For Myaa’s birthday, of course.”

“Miyako’s birthday… When was it?”

“April twenty-ninth.”

“…Oh.”

Itsuki had known Miyako for about two years and was completely clueless about her birthday. April 29 was about a week away.

“…Well, let’s do it. A surprise party, or whatever. We’ll just plan a party and keep it a secret from her, right?”

After several days of lazing around his apartment, Itsuki had begun to have the sneaking suspicion that he’d better get his ass in gear, or else he’d be in trouble. This seemed like the perfect kick start for him.

Nayuta, for her part, gave him a cheerful nod. “Is it all right if we hold it in this apartment?”

“Sure. You, me, Haruto, and Chihiro?”

“Hmm… Do me and Myaa have any other friends in common?”

“Well, kind of a stretch to call ’em ‘friends,’ but there’s my editor and my tax accountant.”

“Okay, Prince Manwhore and Chihiro, then.”

“Sure. I’ll let ’em know.”

“That…and presents.”

“We can all bring our own, can’t we?”

“Yeah… In that case, can you give me some present-shopping advice, Itsuki?”

Nayuta looked deadly serious about this. Itsuki flashed her a dubious look.

“Why are you asking me? You’re a girl. You’d probably know more about what she’d like than I ever would.”

Nayuta lowered her voice. “I… I’ve never had the kind of friend I’d give a present to, so…”

“Oh. Yeah?” Itsuki awkwardly averted his eyes. “…Well, I’ve never given someone a birthday present, either. I always thought my friends’ birthday parties were kind of like urban legends or something.”

“But you write all these hilarious romantic comedies, too, right, Itsuki? Don’t you know a lot about what girls like as presents?”

“Ha-ha-ha! Don’t be stupid! The heroines of my rom-coms are handy plot devices that’ll be happy with whatever the main character gives them. It could be a box of dog shit, as long as he makes a real serious effort at picking it! I don’t have the slightest idea what actual women like!”

Itsuki took clear pride in this for some reason.

“Oh! I, um, I’d be happy if you gave me dog shit, too, Itsuki, as long as you thought really hard about what I wanted!”

Itsuki gave the blushing Nayuta a withering look. “…Hey, if I thought long and hard about it and decided to give you a box of dog shit, it’d be about time for you to realize that I pretty much hated your guts, okay?”

“Wouldn’t you think more like ‘Ohh, this wonderful girl, so giddy over receiving a box of dog shit as long as it’s from me… Eeeeeee! ♥’ or something?”

“No. I’d think you’re a total .”

“Even if I was your little sister?”

“How dare you even insinuate I’d give dog shit as a present to my sister! I’d rather she give me dog shit for my birthday!”

“That makes you sound like a total , too, Itsuki…”

“N-now look—”

Itsuki was about to fire back but instead took a moment to calm himself.

“…Why are we talking about dog shit again?”

“You started it.”

“And you’re the one who ran with it. It’s your fault.” Itsuki sighed. “…Well, do you have any idea what Miyako might like?”

Nayuta thought for a moment. A figurative lightbulb turned on over her head.

“Ooh! I do!”

“What?”

“She told me a bit ago she wanted a driver’s license!”

“So what? …Think of something that someone else can actually give her.”

“…Sadly, I can’t.”

“…It’d probably be quickest to ask her, then.”

“No!” Nayuta thundered as Itsuki reached for his phone.

“Why not?”

“If you ask her what she wants, she’ll totally realize you’re talking about a birthday present!”

“Oh. Yeah… It’s a surprise party, too…”

“Exactly! So we need to think up the perfect present all by ourselves…!”

Itsuki grinned a little at Nayuta’s earnestness about this.

“…You must really love Miyako, don’cha?”

“Huh?” Nayuta froze for a moment. “Um, yeah, I do love Myaa. Hee-hee-hee!” She bashfully looked down to the floor, cheeks red. It was such a cute-looking act, it made Itsuki tense up despite himself.

“…You know, I’ve been wondering for a while, but why are you so friendly with Miyako anyway?”

“Well, I mean… She’s kind, she indulges me, she teaches me about all kinds of things, she gets mad for me and cries for me… I dunno… She’s like a big sister to me. I really look up to her… Nyaaah.”

She showed only the slightest hint of embarrassment as she made the last cutesy noise and smiled broadly. It was enough to strike an arrow straight through Itsuki’s heart.

—She… She’s got the little-sister act down cold…!

There is a novel series in Japan known as Maria-sama ga Miteru, or Maria Watches Over Us. It tells the tale of students attending the Catholic Lillian Girls’ Academy, where there exists a so-called sœur system. In this system, devised to promote clean, honest living among future generations of students, a first-year is paired with a girl from one of the later years, forming a special one-on-one relationship. These sœurs affect each other in assorted ways, guiding and influencing each other as they live out their glorious youthful years, the bonds often stronger than those forged by actual sisters.

Many readers found themselves deeply enthralled by this sœur concept, and Itsuki was one of them. Among other things, it presented the opportunity for anyone, regardless of how their family was configured, to become a little sister—this was what Itsuki, at least, took home from the series. If you could find someone that you could truly adore, honor, nestle up to, and chase after, then you could adopt the role of their little sister, regardless of blood relation.

The way Nayuta acted toward Miyako, her idol, felt a bit to him like the pure, beautiful sœurs of the Marimite world. He already knew she was cute, but now that he associated her with the little-sister attribute, she was invincible. It astonished Itsuki.

“Um… Yeah. Yeah…”

He gave this a bit of serious thought, making sure she wouldn’t notice his surging heartbeat. If a little sister had a problem, he needed to do whatever he could to solve it. This was the duty and obligation of the entire human race.

“…Well, what would you like to get?”

“! I’ve got it!” Nayuta’s eyes burst open. “I want your dick, Itsuki!”

“Shut up.”

This was exactly the reply he expected, so he didn’t even bother raising an eyebrow. It didn’t dissuade Nayuta at all.

“Also, I’d like to have your underpants, or your socks, or your sweaty T-shirt, or your used tissues, or your fingernails, or your body hair, or lots of other things, actually, but what I’d like to have most of all is your love, Itsuki!”

“…And what is Miyako supposed to do with any of that? You trying to play a prank on her?”

“Mmmhh… I suppose out of all the things I could give Myaa, the one thing I could never part with is you, Itsuki…”

Nayuta frowned at the thought as she gazed up at Itsuki.

“…Really, all I want is you, so…”

“Oof…”

Her words were so pure and cute that they finally moved Itsuki, and in an attempt to cover it up, he started speaking very quickly. “Okay! Let’s lower the stakes a bit!”

“Lower the stakes?”

“I mean, if you think about it, if she really wanted something deep down, she’d buy it or get it herself. We should look for something that’s not quite so high on her want list… Like, if it came down to ‘have’ or ‘not have,’ she’d like to have it, but not enough to buy it herself.”

“Ooh, I see! Yeah, definitely. If I got something I wouldn’t bother buying myself but still thought was kinda neat, I’d like that!”

“Yeah, exactly. So let’s think up something like that, Kanikou. You got any ideas? Something kind of, like, on the fence like that?”

“Hmmm… I think…”

Nayuta thought for a few moments.

“…A Virtual Boy, maybe?”

“…Yeah, you did like retro games, didn’t you?”

The Virtual Boy was a 3-D game system released by Nintendo in 1995. It used a special display shaped like a pair of goggles that showed different screen images to the player’s left and right eyes to give the impression of 3-D graphics.

“It was a masterpiece before its time! The futuristic red-and-black hardware design is so sleek, too. You can play classic NES games on the Virtual Console or elsewhere these days, but thanks to the 3-D display, you can only play Virtual Boy games on the real thing. I heard a lot of the lineup is really top-notch, so I’ve always wanted a chance to try it out for myself!” Nayuta stood up, eyes sparkling.

Suddenly, she grew more serious.

“…But if you asked me whether I wanted to buy one, I dunno. There’s only twenty games or so in the entire library, and there are lots of 3-D games out these days, and head-mounted units are cheap enough for home use now, too…”

Nayuta’s love for classic games began with Spelunker and just ballooned from there. But she was a gamer, not a collector.

“…Well,” Itsuki concluded, “either way, that wouldn’t work for Miyako. I don’t think she’s even aware it exists.”

“Yeah,” Nayuta said with a nod. “But what about you? What’s something that you’d be happy to get but don’t wanna bother getting yourself?”

“Me…?” Itsuki thought over this. “…A Sdertone,” he blurted out.

“A Slendere? What’s that?”

“Um, it’s this thing you wrap around your stomach. It gives mild electric shocks to your abs. It’s supposed to give you a six-pack and stuff.”

“Ohhh, yeah, I think I saw that on the home-shopping network before. You want a six-pack, Itsuki?”

Itsuki gave a reluctant nod.

“Why is that?”

“…I went to this hot spring together with Setsuna a little while ago and…you know.”

“?!”

Nayuta’s response to the words “went to this hot spring together with” was instantaneous.

“Setsuna? You mean Puriketsu, the artist for Genesis Sisters of the New World?”

“Yeah.”

“…He is a guy, right?”

“Nope! Setsuna’s a thirteen-year-old, silver-haired, blue-eyed, hyper-beautiful illustrator, like Sagiri from Eromanga Sensei thrown straight into the 3-D world, and she calls me ‘big bro’ and spoils me by walking around in the nude……in some of my daydreams, but really Setsuna’s just your average chatty, easily-distracted guy. Yep, definitely a guy.”

He had meant it as kind of a teasing joke, but Nayuta’s wide eyes and dilated pupils were starting to scare him, so he reverted back to the truth midway.

“Ah, good. That’s a relief.”

“Y-yeah… Same here. So, like, if you look at Setsuna, he has kind of the same frame I do, but when he took off his clothes at the hot spring, you could actually see his individual abs. It was amazing.”

“Ahh. So that’s why you want to get abs, too?”

“Right. I’d like to work out, but I don’t feel like exercising or going to the gym all the time, so I’d rather get my physique the easy way. It’s just… You know, buying something like the Slentone from one of those TV advertisements is kind of embarrassing. If I got it as a present, though, I’d get to shock my abs into shape without feeling any shame at all.”

“…I’m kind of hoping you don’t turn into a bodybuilder or anything, Itsuki. But you would need some muscle for the kind of sex I’m into…”

“…? What did you say?”

“Nothing. I’ll get you a Stone for your birthday. Have fun getting buff.”

“Sure,” Itsuki distractedly replied to Nayuta’s deadly serious offer. “And I’ll give you a Virtual Boy for your birthday, too.”

“Oh goody,” Nayuta droned.

“But even if it’s not a Slene, do you think a girl would like something for her health, or for weight training or something?”

“Hmm…” A doubtful look crept on to her face. “Myaa’s already got a great figure, so I don’t think she would need it. She’s really beautiful when she’s naked, you know. Her skin’s all smooth, and it feels great against your body.”

“…And what are you accomplishing by telling me that?” Itsuki shook off the image that rapidly formed itself in his mind. “Right. Something else, then…?”

“Why don’t we take a second and step away from the realm of things you want but don’t care enough to buy?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s a good idea, I think, but…like, I think it needs to feel more special than that. Something that fits her, not just something you could buy for anyone.”

“That’s asking a lot. I get what you mean, though.”

“Hee-hee-hee.” Nayuta gave a bashful laugh.

“How about an autograph book? With signatures from authors Miyako likes?”

“Oooh! That might be good.”

The light novel scene is a small world. Most authors are no more than two degrees of separation away from each other, so even if you don’t know someone, it’s generally easy enough to get their autograph, whether they work for your publisher or not. That doesn’t mean the average person can easily collect them, though, making it a great present for someone like Miyako who has a few writer friends.

“Do you know which authors she likes, Itsuki?”

“She mentioned she liked Index when we were playing that RPG. That and The Irregular at Magic High School. And Oreimo and Marimite and No Game No Life and Chivalry of a Failed Knight and Date A Live and My Youth Romantic Comedy and SAO and Haganai and Eromanga and Seishun Buta Yarou and Strike the Blood and Dog & Scissors and Magika and Sakurasou and World Break and Kurorekishi and Chaika and Bahamut—most of the ones I recommended to her, she likes…but when it comes to favorite authors, I’m not sure.”

One’s favorite books and one’s favorite authors aren’t necessarily one and the same thing. For light novels in particular, fans can often recall the names of titles and characters while totally forgetting the author’s name. It isn’t uncommon at all for an author with one hit series to completely fail with their next one, or another to work in the trenches for years before scoring a major success out of nowhere. A fan who follows an author across whatever they publish is a valuable asset indeed, the kind of person authors practically consider a saint.

Itsuki Hashima, who had a sizable enough dedicated fan base (despite the lack of any anime adaptation so far) and books that sold steadily upon every release, was a rare case, although people like him weren’t unheard of.

“…I suppose there’s no reason for me to point out that every series you recommended to her has cute little-sister characters in it, huh?”

Nayuta took out her phone and launched the LINE app. Figuring a question like this wasn’t likely to spoil the surprise, she decided to contact Miyako.

“I think we’re really gonna have to ask Myaa after all.”

Myaa, who’s your favorite author?

“Huh?!”

The message from Nayuta, received in the middle of a university lecture, made Miyako shiver.

My favorite author?

The first name that reflexively came to mind was Itsuki Hashima. She hurriedly shook the idea off… Calm down, girl. She’s not asking who you like personally. She wants your favorite author. This is just idle chitchat, probably.

My favorite author… Who would it be, actually? Miyako thought deeply about the question. She could think of several books she enjoyed, but “favorite author” didn’t produce any very strong candidates. Even if she liked a series, it wasn’t like she would seek out other titles from the same guy. The only author she had read the complete works of, debut to latest release, was Itsuki Hashima. This would seem to imply that Itsuki was her favorite. But…

—It’s not like she’s asking who I like or anything. It shouldn’t be a problem. I’m not a fan of everything Itsuki writes about, but I do think he’s engaging, so…

Her mind made up, Miyako took pains to ensure the professor didn’t notice her using the phone as she wrote a reply.

If I had to pick one, I guess it’d be Itsuki. I’ve read all his stuff, so. That’s just if I had to pick one, though!

“Sounds like her favorite author is you, Itsuki.”

“What?!”

Nayuta showed him her phone, a slightly pained look on her face. Reading it, his face relaxed into an unattractive, slack-jawed smile.

“Heh-heh-heh… Well, look at that. Really? I mean, really? Heh-heh-heh…hee-hee-hee-hee… She’s been a huge fan of me this whole time, heh-heh-heh… She coulda told me, heh-heh-heh… That sure is mean of her, ee-hee-hee… Deh-heh-heh…”

This blissful epiphany did not impress Nayuta. She seethed at him.

“…That’s just if she had to pick one. I think she meant more ‘I don’t have a favorite author, but I’ve read all Itsuki’s stuff, so by process of elimination’ kind of thing.”

“Heh-heh-heh… Oh, you getting jealous, Kanikou?”

“…Course not.” She pouted. It made Itsuki laugh even harder.

“Dah-ha-ha… Hey, it happens, right? Don’t let it get you down, Kanikou… Pfft! Heh… Ha-ha-ha-ha! Right! I think it’s time for me, the faaaaavorite author in Miyako’s life, to write a special autograph you can give her for her birthday present!” he crowed joyfully.

“…Nah.”

“Huh?”

“It’s okay. I’ll think up something else for her. You should give her that special autograph yourself, shouldn’t you? Hmph!”

With that, Nayuta turned her back to him.

For Nayuta Kani, it was the first time she had felt anything but blind love for Itsuki. She realized, at that moment, that he was a rival in the same field as her—although she wouldn’t fully realize it until much later.