I Wanna Be the Protagonist

“Yeaaahhhhh! I’m dooonnnnnnneeeee!!”

Several days after the aquarium trip, on a dark evening, Itsuki wrapped up the manuscript for Volume 4 of All About My Little Sister. He leaned back in his chair and spread his arms out wide.

This time, unlike with Volume 5 of Sisterly Combat, he didn’t go through the hell of flirting with the Real Deadline. He had only broken three pseudo-deadlines here, and the tension from completing this work made it hard for him to think straight about what he had just written, but overall, he was satisfied with it… Yes, having characters visit an amusement park, a zoo, and an aquarium in the same volume wasn’t demonstrating particularly good balance, but with all these tasty events to read through, he was offering a hell of a lot for readers to digest.

“Oooh, nice one.”

“Congratulations!”

Haruto and Nayuta, lounging by the kotatsu table, gave him a round of applause as Itsuki promptly sent the document over to Toki for editing.

“Heh-heh-heh… I got this thing done a whole month before release! Talk about incredible progress! I’m the best!”

Haruto blinked. “Uh, that’s still cutting it close, dude…”

“Well, it sure beats all the crap I had to go through last time, doesn’t it? I mean, in a way, I’m shocked Volume 5 of Sisterly Combat even came out at all…”

It’s worth noting that Volume 13 of Haruto’s Chevalier of the Absolute World (which came out on the same day as Sisterly 5) was submitted to his editor three months before the release date. That fact didn’t stop Itsuki from giving an emboldened grin.

“Ha! Bring me any ridiculous deadline you got! I’ll break all of ’em, I promise you!”

“Oooh, yeah, you’re sooo cool, Itsuki.” Nayuta smirked.

“You really gotta stop breaking deadlines,” Haruto warned.

“Either way, though, good job! I’ll let you do whatever you like with my body as a reward.”

“Screw that! I want some food and beer!”

“‘Screw that’ is exactly what I wanted… (´• ω •`)”

Already on his feet, Itsuki opened the refrigerator door. “Want me to help?” Haruto asked, joining him. The fridge had a heaping amount of Haruto’s beer and snacks, to the point that Haruto knew more about what was inside than Itsuki did.

“Hey, what’s this bowl? Did Chihiro leave this for you to eat?”

“Yeah, it’s potato salad. I got some croquettes and hamburger, too.”

“What’s in this box?”

“Uhh… I think some of the sausage selection I got from the hometown-tax offer I took.”

“Ooh, nice. Can I have some?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. Potato salad, croquettes… Hey, if we’re eating potatoes and sausage, you gotta pair that with German beer.”

“Whoa, yeah! The perfect duo!”

“I’ll cook the sausage, so can you microwave the hamburger and croquettes for me?”

“Got it!”

Nayuta pouted at the two men as they raided the refrigerator.

“…What’re they going on about? Like only they’re allowed to share in the spoils…”

With the drinks and food laid out on the kotatsu, the feast quickly began. Potato salad flavored with anchovies; breaded croquettes with pollock roe inside them; hamburger cutlets made from fish; five different types of sausage.

“Well, here’s to Volume 4 of All About. Cheers!”

“Cheers.”

“Nyaaah!”

They all clinked their identical glasses against one another—Itsuki and Haruto enjoying beer, Nayuta orange juice.

Tonight, they were having Franziskaner Hefe-Weissbier, featuring unfiltered yeast for a white, cloudy pour and a beautiful head of tiny bubbles. They had Franziskaner-specific tall glasses for it, which made it look even more attractive. It had a fruity bouquet, reminiscent of bananas, and as that aroma suggested, it wasn’t heavily carbonated or bitter. It featured a gentle sweetness instead, making it refreshing and very easy to drink. Many people who claimed not to like beer enjoyed this one.

Given its status as a beer from the land of sausage, the two of them paired perfectly with each other. Snap off a piece of sausage, take a swig while the juices were still in your mouth, and the two tastes would amplify each other to create a powerful combo.

“Yeahhhhh! Gerrrrrmany! I have become Gerrrrrmany!”

Itsuki was so revved up from his achievement that he was already failing to make any sense.

“This potato salad and the croquettes are awesome. Chihiro is so talented,” noted Haruto, drinking at the same pace but still savoring the food.

“Argh, I wish I could become Germany soon,” Nayuta said as she filled her mouth with sausage, potato salad, and croquettes at the same time. “Mphh, Itsuki’s sausage is so yummy… Mmph, rph, oonh… Hee-hee! It’s spurting this thick juice from the tip! Everything is getting soaked! What a lewd sausage this is! Hee-hee-hee!”

“Hey, that’s a good idea. Kinda like German potatoes. Lemme try mixing them up, too… Pahh! Nice!”

“(´• ω •`)”

Itsuki kept eating his way right through Nayuta’s dirty jokes. Whenever he was in serious deadline trouble, he deliberately cut down his food intake—to stay hungry, as he put it, so a full stomach didn’t put him to sleep—so this was his first serious meal in a while. He moved through everything Chihiro had prepared, including some mussels cooked in wine and a can of sardines in oil. It was all so supremely satisfying.

“Haaaaappphhhhhh…”

They still had some sausage, beer, and snacks left, but now his pace was dwindling.

“Right…,” Haruto offered. “Now that we got that outta our system, you wanna play a game?”

“Nice,” agreed Itsuki. He and Haruto loved playing board games over beer; it made them feel like they were regulars at a pub somewhere in Europe, even though they were using a Japanese kotatsu table for it.

“I’m fine with anything,” said Nayuta. “I can’t wait to beat you drunkards into the ground.”

“Right. We got three novelists here… How about this one?”

Haruto rose up and took a box reading Once Upon a Time from the shelf.

“Hmm…”

“Ohh…”

Itsuki’s and Nayuta’s faces turned deadly serious.

As the name suggests, Once Upon a Time is a game where players become the narrators of a story. Each player receives a number of cards, comprising the five elements of a story—characters, places, items, aspects, and events—along with a single ending card with text like “They all lived happily ever after” or “And then everybody was gone.” The player who uses up all their story cards first and can use the text on their ending card to bring the story to a reasonable close is the winner.

While someone is acting as the narrator, whenever something pops up in their tale that relates to an element in their story cards—for example, if a ghost or dragon appears in the story, and you have a “monster” card—other players can “take over” and become the new narrator. Thus, players spend the game stealing narration rights from each other, bringing the tale toward the conclusion they want. That’s the basic idea.

If a narrator runs out of ideas for a long enough time, contradicts themselves with past events, or just goes too crazy with their plot, the other players can protest. A successful protest forces the narrator to give up their turn and take another story card. The standards for a good protest, of course, aren’t very strict and change a lot depending on the situation.

Basically then, Once Upon a Time is a party game where people laugh at each other as they attempt to craft a story. It is a peaceful enough game, one that grade schools in the US have used as a way to develop the creative mind, and people of all ages and genders can enjoy it.

…Unless you’re a professional novelist, that is. Just like with Turtle Soup and Cat & Chocolate, when novelists play against one another, it turns into a game of life and death, with the players’ pride riding on every twist and turn.

“Okay, I’ll deal.”

Haruto passed out seven story cards and one ending card to everyone around the table.

“Hmm…”

“Rrrrgh…”

Neither Itsuki nor Nayuta looked too satisfied.

“I have to reach this ending…? This is gonna be a pretty stupid story…”

“Hmm… I don’t know how I’m gonna use a lot of these cards…”

The two stared at their cards, attempting to work out a plotline.

“Right. Let’s begin. Who’ll narrate first?”

“Why not Itsuki? He’s probably on fire after completing his manuscript.”

“Heh… All right.”

Itsuki nodded at the idea, and Haruto had no objections. Off he went.

“Ummm, once upon a tiiiiiime…”

He played a place card that depicted a town.

“…there was a small town.”

“Right.”

“Hmm.”

“The town was surrounded by a very high wall,” Itsuki said as he played the second card—an item card showing a wall.

“I think I’ve heard this one before,” Haruto observed.

“Why was it surrounded by a high wall, you ask? Well, for many, many years—”

Already breaking into a cold sweat, Itsuki plunked down a character card featuring a classic fairy-tale giant.

“—this town has suffered because of attacks from giants.”

“This is just Attack on Tn!” Haruto protested.

“I—I don’t know what you mean, Haruto. Attack on what was that? Never heard of it.”

Haruto glared as Itsuki played dumb.

“Heh. Well, ripping off other people’s stories isn’t against the rules…but are you willing to do that? As a professional?”

“Oh, wait, I can butt in now,” Nayuta interjected as she played a “monster” character card. “Giants count as monsters, don’t they?”

It was safe to interrupt the narrator as long as you did so with something pretty close to the current subject, even if it wasn’t the exact same thing.

“…Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay.”

Itsuki took one penalty story card from the deck and listened on.

“As the town lived in fear of the giants attacking them, there was a young child who lived within the walls. An orphan”—out came an “orphan” card—“named Itsuki.”

“What? Why?”

Itsuki could protest all he wanted, but the narrator had the exclusive right to name characters.

“This orphan, Itsuki, was known as one of the meanest bros in town. He liked whining at people all the time, but one day, he was cursed by someone who disliked him, and his penis grew to over three feet long. Even bigger, you know, if he thought about anything sexy.”

“What?!” Itsuki howled as Haruto cracked up, and Nayuta played an “enemy” character card and “cursed” aspect card.

“In fact, his dick was so enormous that even his parents were afraid of him.”

“Whoa.”

“Wait up.”

Just as she had her “parent” and “scared” cards out, Itsuki and Haruto both swooped in to stop her.

“Itsuki’s supposed to be an orphan, isn’t he? Why’s he got parents?”

“!” Nayuta reared back a bit after Haruto’s observation. “Um, that… I mean, Itsuki’s dick is huge now, and his parents were so scared of it that they abandoned him. Right?”

“No, no,” Itsuki said. “The way you put it, its—um…Itsuki was an orphan from the beginning, and he got cursed because he was so mean to everybody. Your time line isn’t matching up.”

“Yeah,” Haruto agreed.

“Mmngh…”

Nayuta groaned and took back her “parent” and “scared” cards, taking a third penalty card from the deck as well. With that protest accepted, the narrator became the person to her left—Haruto.

“Umm… So Itsuki, this snot-nosed, long-schlonged bastard, had something that was really precious to him.”

“A little sister?!”

“His dick, right?”

“No. It was a ring he was said to have clutched in his hand when he was picked up by the orphanage.”

Out came Haruto’s “ring” card.

“Itsuki took tender care of that ring, always keeping it in his pants pocket.”

“Objection!”

“Wh-what?”

“…I told you, Itsuki’s dick is over three feet long. There’s no such thing as a pair of pants that can hide it when it’s that long! You have to picture Itsuki living with his dick out the entire time!”

“Oof…yeah…”

Itsuki yelled at the two of them. “You don’t have to picture anything! Like… I’m sure he can hide it somehow! With overalls or something!”

“Hmm… Maybe so, if you put it that way, but it’s fine. I’ll accept Nayu’s protest if it means we get to say Itsuki is living his life naked.”

“Wh-wha?!”

Haruto laughed at Itsuki’s profound shock as he drew another story card.

“This is ridiculous…”

It was ridiculous, but it still meant Itsuki was the narrator again. He studied his cards carefully.

“Oh, well… Um, so Itsuki valued this ring a lot, wearing it at all times. He was always naked, except for the ring.”

“What a pervert.”

“Totally.”

“You’re the one who came up with that! …So Itsuki was a naked, cursed orphan, but he still lived as strong a life as he could. But one day, a wicked old man tricked Itsuki into giving up all the money he had.”

Itsuki brought out two cards—“wicked” and “old man.”

“The old man said to Itsuki, ‘If you want some money back, sell me that ring of yours.’ Itsuki said no to him. Instead, he decided to take on the most dangerous job in the entire town. That’s right—he fought against the giants.”

“So Attack on Tn, then.”

“I’m telling you, I never heard of that… So just when Itsuki was volunteering to become a Yeager and fight the giants, they received a report that one of those giants was just beyond the wall. All available soldiers were ordered to take position, and Itsuki wound up joining them. He hadn’t undergone any battle training, but…”

Itsuki took one final good look at a card before resolving to play it.

“Sword.”

“…he was able to wield his enormous penis like a sword in combat.”

He didn’t sound very enthused about this, but it elicited simultaneous guffaws from Nayuta and Haruto. Face thoroughly red, he continued.

“So Itsuki went beyond the wall with the other soldiers and fought against the giant. However, the giant was so overwhelmingly powerful that his comrades were killed one after the other. Finally, Itsuki was the last one standing. Quivering in fear, he took the sword between his legs in hand—”

“Let me butt in,” Nayuta said, bringing out the “scared” card she had tried to play earlier.

“Ahhh, crap!”

“Heh-heh-heh…”

Chagrined by his mistake, Itsuki had to let Nayuta take over.

“Quivering in fear, Itsuki faced the full brunt of the giant’s attack. But his dick was a really amazing weapon. In normal mode, it was just a regular sword, three or so feet long—but it could also become a whip that expanded and shrank, and when erect, it was an enormous weapon like Guts’s Dragon Slayer or Cloud’s Buster Sword. It could even be divided into two swords for dual-wielding purposes. Isn’t that great, Itsuki?”

“I’m not some kind of monster!”

“So Itsuki wrapped his dick around a tree like a whip and soared into the air like a gibbon, toying with the giant. Then, leaping high into the air, he got erect right above the giant’s head. With a quick downward slash, he dealt a devastating blow to the monster. Then, with his second sword, he unleashed a strike worthy of Miyamoto Musashi. Soon, the giant was roaring and falling to the ground. As Itsuki approached the hulking mass to deliver the final blow, the giant opened its mouth and spoke to him in human speech.”

Nayuta played the “talking” aspect card.

“‘That ring,’ he said, much to Itsuki’s surprise. ‘You know this ring?’ Itsuki asked. The giant continued, ‘I am sure of it. I gave this ring to my child, the moment he was born. I am your father!’”

She placed the “parent” card on the table.

“Whaaa?!” Itsuki and Haruto both gasped at this sudden reveal, unable to wait for whatever might come next.

“……………Um, pass.”

Nayuta’s creativity had run out on her. She took a card from the deck and stepped down from the narrator’s role.

“Boy, this won’t be easy…”

Haruto examined his cards, then all the other ones played on the kotatsu, his face twisted in thought.

“Um… Right… So the giant said, ‘I used to be a human being, but I was turned into a giant by a heinous curse.’ Itsuki gasped at that word. ‘Maybe it was the same person who gave me this massive cock,’ he said. ‘If they could make a person’s dick this big, maybe they could do the same to an entire person. It had to be the same culprit!’”

“I’m not sure I buy that logic. Though maybe I do…” Itsuki didn’t seem convinced.

“Yes!” Haruto said, pressing on. “The one who had cursed Itsuki into having a large penis was a beautiful princess.”

He laid out “beautiful” and “princess” on the table.

“Back when Itsuki was mouthing off to everyone, he stole the princess’s beloved horse as she snuck into town, earning him her ire.”

Haruto then played “horse” and “stolen” from his hand.

Itsuki interjected, “Who ever heard of a princess who curses people just because she hates them? Her heart must be really ugly, huh?”

“Hmm? Yeah, maybe…”

“Cool, I’ll take over.” Itsuki immediately played his “ugly” card. “Okay, um… The giant, his father, said, ‘I’m sorry, Son…,’ before breathing his last. It was the sad final moment spent between the two of them.”

His voice was forlorn as he played his “separation” event card.

“…So Itsuki decided to defeat the evil princess who made his dad huge and his dick really long and to destroy the entire kingdom for giving him such an unfair lot in life. Thus, Itsuki’s quest for revenge began.”

“I’m coming in,” Nayuta said, playing her “journey” card. “…So Itsuki was on a journey to defeat the princess, but he didn’t have any money, so he wound up collapsing on the side of the road midway. He was saved by a kind villager who passed by. ‘Maybe the world isn’t full of bad people after all,’ Itsuki thought. Thus, he pressed on in his journey, encountering kind people wherever he went, and before long, he could tell his heart was no longer driven by anger and hatred.”

Itsuki frowned as he listened. “Kanikou…are you trying to make this into a happy ending?”

Nayuta shot a glare at him. “It sounds like you’re trying to turn it into a sad one.”

The ending cards each player owned all had standard fairy tale–style conclusions on them. These ran the gamut from “They both lived happily ever after” to sadder tales like “The village was destroyed.” These ending cards were handed out at random, so you often found yourself pursuing an ending that went in a totally opposite direction from your opponents’.

Itsuki’s ending card, by the way, was “The fire burned, completely destroying this wicked place.” Nayuta’s, meanwhile, was “So he forgave her, and soon, the two were united.” Itsuki needed a story that ended in annihilation for all; Nayuta, one where the princess (her name was also Nayuta, she decided) made up with the hero. There wasn’t much room for compromise.

Haruto’s, on the other hand, was more of a moral than an ending—“And all of you, too, should be careful when selecting your friends.” Trying to figure out how to keep his opponents from ending the tale, while somehow pointing the story in his own direction, had been giving him a headache this whole match.

“…Suddenly, an arrow shot out from behind. Remarkably, it was the villager who had helped Itsuki when he collapsed. He had thought the villager was a nice guy, but that wasn’t the case at all! I’m never gonna trust in anyone again! Itsuki thought. And so his drive to destroy the kingdom became even deeper than before.”

“…With that misunderstanding cleared up, Itsuki resolved to trust in the villager for good this time. Then he thought, Maybe I got the wrong idea about Princess Nayuta due to some unfortunate encounter, too. Maybe she’s really a kind, gentle princess after all.”

“…He was almost tricked by the conceit, but alas, nobody willing to turn someone’s penis into a giant, deformed tube could ever be kind and gentle. She was an accursed princess.”

“…Perhaps the brave, pure-hearted Princess Nayuta simply didn’t want any other women to take Itsuki’s dick away from him.”

“…And that’s a good reason for why she’d make it three feet long? That’s bullshit! …Itsuki thought.”

Itsuki kept taking what looked like a good princess and plunging her into the darkness. Every time he did, Nayuta prepared an out for her, giving the hero some hope. The process repeated itself over and over again. That’s the scary thing about this game—the longer the story wears on, the more it gets bogged down and out of control. Longer tales mean more characters, more backdrop, and more players losing track of where they are. Contradictions and massive new twists become commonplace, with one narrator having to come up with ridiculous developments to explain the previous narrator’s leaps of logic.

It was getting crazier and crazier, until someone put a final period on the downward spiral.

“—And all of you, too, should be careful when selecting your friends.”

After over two hours stuck in this morass, it was Haruto who somehow forced this story to end.

Princess Nayuta’s soul had been transferred into Itsuki’s penis. The Over-Soul version of Nayuta in his wiener let her become a trustworthy companion as they rampaged over an entire army of giants—but then the princess grew jealous after Itsuki’s attention turned toward a beautiful young girl. So she extended it out like a snake and choked Itsuki to death with his own penis. Not a good scene. But at least it was an ending.

“Whew… It’s finally over…”

“Man, that was awful…”

“…Like, why do I have to work so hard on a story right after I just finished a manuscript…?”

Haruto was less than elated by his victory. Itsuki and Nayuta were less than sad they had lost. All they shared between them was a loose sense of achievement that they had put an end to it.

“That was a stupidly epic tale,” Haruto said. “We probably had enough for a paperback right there.”

“We did address all the things we foreshadowed, we had that whole scene where he learned the ‘Yamata no Orochi’ finisher move, all the characters figured in the conclusion…,” Itsuki mused. “Maybe we should publish it, just so we don’t waste all the effort. We could have it made into an anime.”

“I like that!”

Haruto laughed at the idea before letting out a self-deprecating sigh.

“…A whatever story like this, that none of us really cared about… Now if that got turned into a shitty anime, at least I could laugh at it. Better make sure there’s at least one battle scene where he whirls his weapon around like a helicopter.”

“You sure that’ll make it past the censors?” Nayuta asked. “It’s his dick.”

“Ha-ha-ha! Probably not.”

“And who’s the girl who made his weapon a penis in the first place, huh? How would they handle that in an anime?”

Nayuta turned to Itsuki. “Aren’t you the one who first said he could fight with it like a sword?”

“…Oh. Right. Well, it’s that of a princess’s fault for cursing him like that in the first place.”

“No, Itsuki, it’s your fault for refusing to meekly accept my love.”

“I’m not interested in the kind of love that makes my cock three feet long…”

“If it’s your cock, Itsuki, I’m ready to accept all of it.”

“I’m gonna have to disappoint you there.”

“Nnnh,” Nayuta whined despondently before letting out an unexpected yawn. “Fwaaaah,” she groaned, her eyes sleepy. “Guys, I…didn’t actually sleep at all last night, so I’m getting really tired…”

“…Were you gaming all night?”

She shook her head. “I actually pulled an all-nighter writing.”

“Whoa! That’s rare.”

Nayuta grinned at the wide-eyed Itsuki. “Weeell, I kind of abandoned my publisher while I was writing Miyako’s gift novel. Plus, my editor found out I’ve been hanging here at your place all the time, since it was right by my hotel. He said they couldn’t keep me in there unless I gave them at least half my current project by this morning, so I stretched myself a little bit. Nyaaah, I can’t believe how scary my editor is when he’s honestly angry at me…”

“…If you’re living in a fancy hotel on editorial’s dime without doing any work, I don’t think even you could get away with that, Kanikou.”

Nayuta replied with an enormous yawn and a wobble of the head.

“…So I’m done… I don’ feel like going back to th’ hotel, so I’m just gonna…”

“Use the bed,” Itsuki said. She really did look out of it.

“Yehhhs sirrrr…”

She staggered to her feet, then fell face-first on Itsuki’s bed. “Hyahh…” Then, within three seconds, she was fast asleep, snoring a little.

“Playing and playing until she finally passes out. What a kid…,” Itsuki lamented as he looked down at Nayuta, putting a blanket over her.

Haruto smiled warmly at the scene.

“Well! Wanna have a drink?”

The glasses washed, the sausages reheated, Haruto and Itsuki began cracking open beers again.

“Ahhh, this is nice…”

Itsuki was taking deep breaths in between the bites of sausage and swigs of beer. He was having a Weihenstephaner Vitus, another light-colored beer like the Franziskaner before. The two were similar, from the fruity aroma to the sweetness, weak bitterness, and refreshing finish, but this one had 7.7 percent alcohol by volume for a thicker, richer mouth feel. If you wanted something that tasted smooth but packed a punch, this beer was made for you.

So Itsuki and Haruto drank amid a nice, mellow atmosphere, and then:

“Hey, Itsuki?” Haruto asked out of nowhere, voice low.

“Hmmm?”

“…Why don’t you and Nayu just be a couple?”

Itsuki looked perplexed.

“Where’d that come from?”

“She’s a nice girl, you know? Nayu. She’s cute, she’s got big tits, she’s fun to be around, she’s got a sick mind…”

As Haruto ran down the list, Itsuki flatly said, “…I turned her down long ago. Did I forget to tell you that?”

“I know.”

“…So why are you rehashing this topic?”

Haruto downed his beer, looking a little uncomfortable. “…Well, I got my own stuff to deal with,” he murmured.

“Stuff?”

“You know. Stuff.”

“…I don’t. But why do I have to be with Kanikou for the sake of your stuff?” Itsuki began to look a bit irritated.

“But you really like Nayu, don’t you?”

“………………”

Itsuki fell silent for several seconds.

“………Not particularly.”

Haruto sighed. His friend still wasn’t being honest with himself; he could tell.

“…What’s the big deal with liking her? Just go out with her. I mean, the way she throws herself at you all the time, and you just brush her off? That’s kind of mean to her, isn’t it? If you really can’t stand the thought of a relationship, you could at least make that clearer to her, so she can be rid of you.”

“…Man, shut up. I got my own stuff, too, you know.”

“Stuff?” Haruto asked this time.

“…You know. Stuff.” Itsuki threw Haruto’s own words back at him.

“Oh, come on, just tell me. What stuff?”

“…Don’t wanna. It’s not like there’s anything between me and Kanikou in the—”

“Aw, lay off that line already.”

“Mnh…” Itsuki grasped for words. “…What’s gotten into you today? You’re being really stubborn about this topic.”

“…Yeah, maybe.”

“………………”

Itsuki squinted his eyes at him, irritation giving way to concern. Haruto matched his gaze. It was too much for Itsuki to handle. With a heavy sigh, he put his glass down and leaned back, lying on the floor.

“………All right, all right, I’ll admit it. I like Kanikou.”

“So, in that case—”

“—I like her,” Itsuki interrupted, “and I wanna be in a relationship with her. It’d kill me if she ever got in a relationship with some other guy. Honestly, to tell you the truth, it kinda pisses me off when you get overfamiliar with her, calling her Nayu and stuff.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And while I’m at it, lemme just say, I think I wanna marry her someday… But I can’t. Not yet.”

“Not yet?” Haruto wondered.

Itsuki continued, his face red. “…Let’s say I married Kanikou tomorrow. What would happen then?”

“Well, congratulations.”

“Shut up… Her getting married would be a big news story, wouldn’t it?”

“…Yeah, if you announced it publicly, I guess it’d get picked up. She’s a super-popular novelist, and she’s still just eighteen. She hasn’t shown her face to the media, but it’d generate a lot of buzz.”

Itsuki nodded lightly at this, still lying on his back. “And here’s what they’ll say in the news article: ‘Nayuta Kani, Eighteen-Year-Old Megahit Writer, Marrying a Fellow Novelist Two Years Her Elder!’”

“……Yeah, maybe.”

“I wouldn’t be Itsuki Hashima anymore. I’d be a ‘fellow novelist two years her elder.’ So not yet. Maybe they’d use the name Itsuki Hashima in passing on the light novel news blogs, but that wouldn’t be any different. Right now, I’d just become some anonymous guy who was Nayuta Kani’s husband. The news stories would paint her as the protagonist of the story, the beautiful writing prodigy Nayuta Kani, and I’d just be a minor part. And I can’t deal with that.”

He gritted his teeth.

“…I wanna be the protagonist.”

His voice was as raspy as it was sincere. He had never revealed his feelings on this to anyone before, but now he finally was.

“…I’m not really anything yet, but when I become a protagonist on an even level with Kanikou…then I’m gonna tell her that I love her. And I know it’s not fair to her, but I need her to wait until then.”

“…All right.” Haruto sighed after Itsuki had finished baring his soul. “Well, so be it.”

In his mind, Haruto wanted a solid conclusion between them—either form a relationship already or break off everything. Miyako wasn’t going to change at all otherwise—and since he had a thing for Miyako, neither could he. But “Well, so be it” still had an oddly convincing effect in his mind.

So he went with it. He went with it because he knew his feelings would keep burning in his heart for as long as he could foresee.

He knew a lot of people did away with feelings like these as they grew and matured—but if they could toss emotions like that in the garbage so quickly, neither he nor Itsuki would ever have become professional novelists.

“I wanna be the protagonist”—if you understood what those words meant, nothing could have rung truer. If you didn’t, you’d never get it. You’d have no need to. It was too strong a yearning for that, one that went far beyond the desire to occasionally mess around with a cute girl.

“…Y’know, though, Itsuki…”

“…Yeah.”

“…Bringing yourself to be on the same level as Nayu… I gotta be honest; that’s gonna be really tough. You could struggle all your life, and I’m not sure you’d reach that.”

“…I know,” replied Itsuki as he stared at the ceiling light.

Haruto sighed in response. “…It’s kinda hard to define what being ‘on the same level’ as another writer even is. Or beating them. I bet there’re a lot of readers out there who like your series more than Nayu’s. They’d put you on top of Nayu right now, wouldn’t they? I’m sure you aren’t trying to compete through sales or dumb things like that, but you gotta build a yardstick for yourself, or else you’ll probably turn old and gray before you’re sure.”

“…I know,” Itsuki whispered through gritted teeth. Then he sat up. “…So I wanna at least get up to the level where, when I marry Kanikou, I don’t have people telling me I’m a ‘fellow novelist two years her elder.’ One milestone I can think of for now is scoring an anime adaptation. Nothing beats anime in terms of PR, really. Once you’re up that high, things start looking a lot different to you, right? And when that happens, I’ll reconsider how I wanna approach Kanikou.”

“So getting an anime version is your ‘milestone’ ‘for now.’ Should I be offended?”

Haruto smiled weakly, recalling the ecstasy he had experienced when he first heard the news. He wanted to tell his old self what Itsuki had just said.

His friend didn’t see an anime as the final goal at all. Maybe Haruto was a little bit ahead of him now, but in terms of the heights they were both trying to reach, it was well within the margin of error.

Hope he doesn’t beat me, he thought as he gauged his friend and rival. Then he emptied his glass. Itsuki matched him gulp for gulp but couldn’t quite drain it in one go, resulting in a fairly comical, almost cute little belch.

…And, of course, neither of them noticed that Nayuta, lying facedown on the bed, was blushing intensely from ear to ear.

Late the next morning, long after Haruto and Nayuta had left, Kenjiro Toki paid a visit to the sleeping Itsuki.

“Mngh,” he said to greet his editor.

Toki calmly replied, “The manuscript for Volume 4 was good. No problems with it. I’ll get it over to the presses pretty soon.”

“Yeahhh…g’luck…”

“……”

For Toki, who had spent all last night working, the sight of a more-than-half-asleep Itsuki yawning in his direction was a tad irritating. He took a breath to calm himself down.

“…Also, I got some news for you.”

“Mmgg?”

Toki struggled to retain his composure.

“…Congratulations, Itsuki. It’s been decided that All About My Little Sister will be getting an anime adaptation.”

(The End)