Chapter 26: The Duke’s Daughter Settles Things

Chapter 26:
The Duke’s Daughter Settles Things

 

“ED’S DEAD…?” I blurted out, shell-shocked. Ed had lost the war for succession, and I’d assumed he would be executed eventually, but I couldn’t hide my surprise at the sudden news. For a moment, memories I’d shared with him flashed through my mind. I wondered why, since any positive feeling I’d had toward him had long since been replaced with hatred and contempt. “Why, after all this, am I remembering the good times we shared?”

Merida smiled gently at my self-deprecating wonder. “Most likely because people are more inclined to think charitably of the dead.”

I was out on the terrace, having taken a break from work. Well, to put it more accurately, Sebastian had practically dragged me away from my desk and forced me to take a break. Merida came up shortly after to give me a new dessert she’d just developed, and that was when Tanya delivered the news.

“Even if the person was someone you absolutely despised, it’s difficult to feel hatred for them when they die. You start to

remember the good instead of focusing on the reasons you disliked them. It’s the best way for those left behind to cope.”

Merida’s words rang true in my confused heart. “Hm… I suppose you’re right.”

It was a simple fact that at one time, I had loved Edward, so much so that I barely saw the world around me. That was also why I hated him so much. He was the reason I’d felt so empty when everything had slipped from my grasp. I hadn’t wanted to care about him anymore. While the memory hurt, I wrapped myself up in my own business so thoroughly that I didn’t have time to dwell. By the time I had the presence of mind to really look at the world around me again, Edward was nothing more than a nuisance to me. I viewed him as an enemy, a threat who kept attacking me unprovoked. I was angry, but at the same time, I no longer cared about him as a person. I even pitied him at times.

I had indeed considered him an enemy, but the reason I didn’t care about him as a person wasn’t because my past hatred had faded—it was because he had looked like nothing but a puppet being pulled in all directions.

It was all ancient history. Perhaps Merida was right, that it was natural to want to look fondly on the past. Those emotions were no longer fresh, and all that remained was a feeling of nostalgia.

“My lady, I have another announcement, if I may.” Tanya’s hesitant voice pulled me from my reverie.

“Y-yes, I’m sorry. Go on.”

“You have received a letter from Princess Leticia.”

“Oh, really?” I took the letter and quickly read it. She had neat, beautiful handwriting. I remembered when I met her by coincidence that day in town. She looked so much like Alfred, with those brilliant peridot-colored eyes and gorgeous golden hair. She was beautiful in the sunlight and reminded me of the perfect fairy tale princess. But the contents of the letter were harshly realistic, contrasting greatly with that mental image. I frowned as I continued reading.

“Is something the matter?”

“She says they’re leaving the matter with Acacia completely in my hands.” Both Merida and Tanya looked shocked. I couldn’t blame them. This was far too significant an issue for an acting governor to deal with alone. It was an international incident, after all. “That means she already reached a consensus with the other governors and established it as the kingdom’s policy. I’d heard that Princess Leticia was involved in the government as Prince Alfred’s assistant, but this goes beyond something an assistant could accomplish. She’s completely taken over his duties.”

“That must mean she’s highly capable, or the other governors wouldn’t obey her.”

“You’re right. It seems she really has a great deal of control over the nobles…and the government.”

“Perhaps that’s for the best? Khadir is the one we’re engaging, so no one is more qualified to negotiate with him than you, my lady.”

“You think too highly of me.”

After we defeated the Royal Acacian Army’s vanguard, Tanya had reported that the Acacian king had suddenly passed away and Khadir was running the government in his place. I’d expected this was his plan, it had just happened a bit quicker than I was anticipating. The official announcement from Acacia was that the king had died suddenly from an illness. It wasn’t a coincidence that it happened with such impeccable timing, because in fact, Khadir had waited until the first prince was captured to kill the king. I had to laugh to myself. Truly there was discord in every kingdom. Our cultures and traditions differed, but at the root, people were all the same.

“Yes, I shall do my best for Armelia, now that the matter has been left in my hands.”

“You’re so steadfast, my lady. Are you sure it’s only for the duchy?” Merida asked with an amused smile.

“Yes, that’s right. Everything I do is for the good of Armelia. Not the kingdom. And it seems the kingdom—well, Princess Leticia, at least—understands that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everything I do for Armelia benefits the kingdom in a roundabout way. In her letter, she told me to do as I pleased for that very reason.”

“Hm? So they’re recognizing your power, then?”

“Who knows? Isn’t my power Armelia itself?” It sounded very much like Leticia was saying “We’ll give you the freedom to do as you please, so long as you don’t start entertaining any truly strange notions.”

“Well, at any rate, has everything been arranged for my meeting with Prince Khadir?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you. Let me know if anything else comes up.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Speaking of news…how is the battle going with Tweil?”

“After Prince Alfred reached the battlefield, there was a dramatic change, especially with the people in the former Lord Monroe’s domain.”

“Oh? Have they realigned with Tasmeria, then?”

“Yes. They were impressed with a number of things, including the prince’s speeches, his ability to supply goods and resources, and his elaborate strategies against the Tweil army. All of that combined perfectly to touch the people’s hearts and make them understand the necessity of the war.”

“That’s a glowing review.”

“I’m only repeating what my agents on the ground are telling me. In fact, their reports extol him to the point that I wondered for a moment if they had double-crossed me and gone to work for him, what with all those positive remarks!”

“Goodness! Ha ha ha. Of course they’re still loyal to you, though.”

“That’s right. The war has just turned in our favor.”

“I see. So not only is he a gifted politician, but he’s a genius tactician too? Now I’m curious about just what kind of speeches he gave!”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t ask about the particulars.”

“It’s all right, I was just curious. But, hm… I hope this means we’ll claim victory over Tweil soon.”

“Certainly.”

“Well, thank you, Tanya.”

“You’re most welcome.”

Just then, another servant called for Tanya, and she excused herself. Now that that was settled, I turned to Merida’s dessert. “Ooh, these are delicious.” A gentle, sweet flavor spread throughout my mouth.

“I’m glad you like it. I was thinking about sending these to the troops who fought on the front line and the volunteers in the east.”

“Oh?”

“I kept the costs down and came up with a recipe that won’t spoil right away. People can live with the bare necessities, but that doesn’t always mean a good quality of life. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to treat yourself sometimes, so you can have something to look forward to the next day.”

“You’re right. So you came up with this?”

“Well, I came up with the recipe by myself, but Sei and I worked together on the concept.”

“I like it. I want you to use money from the Azuta Corporation to fund it.”

“I’m surprised… I didn’t expect you to approve the idea so quickly!”

“Well, not only do I think it’s a good idea from the standpoint of my position as acting governor but as a businesswoman too. Sales are stable, so we should be thinking about how we can benefit society as a company. It’ll improve our image, and even if there are no direct profits to be had, I think it’ll end up turning profits for us in the long run.”

“In the long run… Yes, I think you’re right,” Merida murmured to herself, then gave me a bright smile. It was so contagious that I couldn’t help but smile too.

“I’ll let you take care of this matter, Merida. Do whatever you please.”

“Yes, my lady.”

Even though we were talking business, I enjoyed a peaceful afternoon. I had a lot to do, from supporting the casualties’ families, to caring for the injured, to making sure we had enough money and supplies for all of that, but I’d finally gotten most of it taken care of. I used reports from the ministries to sort through plans, make decisions, and give orders. I’d accomplished all that already. Now all there was left to do was enact the plans and make any necessary adjustments based on the results. However, I thought it would be wise to recharge my batteries for a bit before tending to the very serious responsibility of negotiations with Acacia.

So while Sebastian had forced me to take this break, in the end I was grateful to him.

Just then, Tanya came back into the room looking shaken. “I’m so sorry to interrupt your break, my lady. We just received urgent news.”

I had a bad feeling about her expression. Had Acacia attacked again? Or perhaps something terrible had befallen our people in the war with Tweil. “Yes? What is it?”

“We have secured victory against the kingdom of Tweil.”

“Oh, my! Well, isn’t that wonderful!” It was the best news I could have received, but for some reason, Tanya didn’t look happy. In fact, she looked downright distraught.

“Yes, but… But… Dean… Dean has…!” Tanya whispered the words as if she couldn’t bear to say them. The fact that she called him Dean and not Prince Alfred meant she was quite shaken indeed. “Along with the news of our victory…came the news that Dean was killed in battle.”

My entire world went dark.

“What?”

I didn’t understand what she had said. Dean was killed… As in, he was dead? Was that what she meant? My brain and heart refused to comprehend. I repeated Tanya’s words over and over in my head. “Tanya, I don’t understand. What happened to Dean?”

For a moment her face twisted, but she swiftly regained her composure. “He was struck by a stray arrow and died.”

“Are you absolutely certain?” My heart pounded violently and painfully inside my chest. I was afraid of her answer.

“Yes. I received the same message from all of my agents, who were stationed in different regions.”

Then my heart broke into a million pieces.

“Is this some kind of joke? We won! Didn’t you say Tasmeria won?! So then why?!” I lost my senses and rose to my feet, screaming. “Why?!”

My violent outburst didn’t last long.

I wanted Tanya to say it was a lie. I wanted her to say the reports must have been wrong. But I could tell by the look on her face that it was true, because I’d never seen her like this before. Her mouth was trembling, and her eyes were red. That told me it was the undeniable truth. I was overcome by grief, by emptiness. My strength left my body, and I thought I would collapse on the spot. I clung desperately to the edge of the desk, curling over at the waist. The impact sent the documents I had stacked on my desk flying into the air.

“My lady!” Tanya started slowly toward me as I froze with shock.

No, don’t come closer. I don’t want to hear another thing. My heart was screaming, and I tried to back away from her. But it was like I was rooted to the spot. I couldn’t move. “I’m sorry… Please…leave me alone.” I forced the words from my mouth.

Tanya and Merida’s expressions crumbled.

No, please don’t make those faces. I’m fine. I wanted to say that, but I just couldn’t.

I silently stood and started walking, determined to return to my room. My vision was hazy. It was so clouded over and warped, I had no idea if I was even going down the right hallway. Everything had lost its color. Even though I saw clearly, I didn’t recognize any of it. I didn’t know up from down. It felt like I was floating. I walked close to the wall, somehow making it back to my room. The instant I opened the door and went inside, I went weak and collapsed on the spot.

“Dean…” I whispered his name as tears flowed from my eyes.

I’m not sure how long I stayed there. I simply sat on the floor in shock for a long, long time. Before I knew it, the sun was setting outside the window. I’d only meant to stay there for a while.

I should get back to work, I thought. My body wouldn’t move. I tried to stand, but I lacked the energy, so I sank back down.

Come to think of it, the first time I collapsed, the next thing I’d worried about was work. …And Dean had dropped everything to come to my rescue.

“Hey… Come help me again, Dean… Like you did back then.”

I was in the same straits. A glimmer of hope within me whispered that he would suddenly appear out of nowhere like he had before, but my rational mind extinguished the thought. It was the same situation, but Dean wouldn’t come. Tanya had said so. She said Dean was dead. He was hit by a stray arrow and had died. He was dead. He wasn’t in this world any longer, no matter where I searched or how hard I tried to find him. I would neither see nor talk to him ever again.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I opened my mouth and let out a wail as if I were releasing all the dark emotions filling my heart. “Waaaaaaaaaahhh!”

Tears streamed down my face again. No, no, no! I can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t want to believe he’s gone! Because we won! We beat Ed, we beat Tweil! So then why?!

I grabbed fistfuls of my hair and screamed as loud as I could.

I can’t believe I’ll never hear his voice again.

I can’t believe I’ll never see his smile again.

I can’t believe he’s gone!

My entire world went black. I felt sadness, grief, pain. Those emotions came in waves, tormenting me. My heart hurt. No matter how much I pulled at my hair, those feelings seemed rooted in the depths of my heart, and there was nothing I could do.

The pocket watch I wore on a chain around my neck swayed. I took it out and caressed it. “They put a lot of thought into this design. I know it may be forward of me, but I dearly want you to keep the other half of it.” I remembered what Dean said when he gave it to me. It was a tender, beautiful memory.

“Why… Why?!” I was overcome with an immense despair, as if I had lost half of my being. I squeezed my hand over the watch. It was painful, and I didn’t want to accept it. I reached my other hand out in vain, searching for what I’d lost. Of course, there was nothing to grasp. Nothing but empty air. The reality of it just made everything more painful. All I could do was sink in my feelings, and cry, and scream.

Eventually, my strength gave out, and I realized I was sitting there, cowering on the floor. As soon as I got up, I started crying again. It wasn’t a dream. When I looked around, everything was still the same.

“Dean…where are you?” Why had I been reborn into this world, where I had to endure this suffering? Dark thoughts overtook my heart, making me cry that much harder.

The next time I lifted my gaze, it was dark outside. Just like my heart. The sky was cloudy, allowing light from neither the stars nor the moon. I wished morning would never come. I hoped tomorrow wouldn’t reach me. Because he wouldn’t be there. I couldn’t bear to go on without him here.

Yet despite that grief, I had to go on.

I cried and screamed, then collapsed again.

 

***

 

“Tanya. How is Iris?” Merellis asked, but Tanya shook her head. Her expression was still filled with sorrow and pain. “I see…” Merellis had a similar look.

“I can’t bear to see her like this, in so much pain…screaming and crying,” said Tanya. “She’s sleeping, but I think it’s because she simply passes out. She’s barely eating… If she keeps this up, she’ll make herself sick.”

“I know… I thought it would be best to leave her be, but I’m frightened to let it go on any longer.”

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have told her that Dean died. I can’t express how much I regret it.”

Merellis shook her head. “No… She would’ve learned eventually. After all, he’s the kingdom’s first prince.” She let out a sigh.

“I at least should have timed it better. I brought her the news that she lost someone very close to her when she was already exhausted. And now I can’t even comfort her because she’s so distraught…”

“I’m sure that’s terribly painful. I can’t even imagine, and I’ve no idea what to do either. How do you comfort someone who’s lost someone they love?”

“Love?” Tanya’s eyes widened with surprise.

Merellis looked surprised by this reaction in turn. A sad smile crossed her face. “Goodness, you didn’t realize? Iris was clearly in love with Dean.”

“Really? Ah, yes, I suppose you’re right…”

“Tanya, you need to rest.”

Tanya shook her head. “No! How could I possibly rest when Lady Iris is in such a state?!”

“That’s exactly why you should rest, Tanya. Who will take care of Iris when she finally recovers her senses if you’ve collapsed from exhaustion as well?”

“But…”

“You look like you could crumple on the spot. This is an order. Go rest, now.” Merellis said firmly.

Finally, Tanya nodded reluctantly.

“The children from the orphanage are here,” Merellis told her in an especially tender voice.

“You mean Mina’s orphanage?”

“Yes, that’s right. I asked them to come back another time due to the present…situation, but they’re worried for Iris too. So many people are waiting for her to recover…including you.” Merellis chuckled softly, finally bringing a smile to Tanya’s face, strained though it was. “When she wakes up, I’ll try talking to her. It’s time she stopped drowning herself in her sadness.”

Tanya breathed a sigh of relief.

 

***

 

How long had I been like this? I had no idea. I felt like I had seen the sun rise and set many times in the corner of my mind. My memory was hazy, and I wasn’t sure if I moved through reality or a dream. Memories of him popped into my head, then disappeared, over and over again. Like when we had gone to the orphanage together, or all the days we worked side by side, or when he had saved me during my excommunication, or when we had traveled to the east together…

So many memories. So many that we shared. I remembered each and every one, immersing myself, and cried. It felt both like an eternity and a brief moment at the same time. Or perhaps it was the reverse. Either way, we’d spent so much time together. Looking back on it now, I cherished each and every memory.

“Just keep doing what you’ve been doing, my lady. I will protect you from anyone. So please…entrust your body to me.”

I suddenly remembered those words he’d spoken in east Armelia.

“You liar. I hate you,” I whispered but immediately regretted it. “I lied. I love you.”

The words “I love you” were shaky because I was crying. They fell heavy upon my heart. They were why I didn’t care anymore, not about anything. The world carried on around me as if nothing had happened even though I suffered. It was leaving him behind. In the end, were our existences really so trivial? If they were, what was the point of existing? What was the meaning?

I thought all my tears had dried up, but they sprang forth anew.

Suddenly, I stood and went out onto the balcony. The place where he and I had talked so often before. We had spoken of our feelings about our families, the future of Armelia, and the past. The view from the balcony of my own room was different from that of my study, but it still held nostalgia. The sun was so bright I had to shield my eyes. It burned them, tender as they were from all the crying.

“Iris!”

I heard the voices of young children. I chuckled to myself, thinking I had really lost it now, if I was hearing things. Then I realized I really had heard them and squinted toward the garden. There I saw Mina and the children from the orphanage. They were so small in the distance that I couldn’t be sure, but I just knew it was them.

What are they doing here? I wondered. “Are they worried about me?” I murmured, but there was no one beside me to answer.

It didn’t take long to find out, because the children called to me.

“Lady Iris! Get better soon!”

However, they were soon scolded by Mina, and they stopped yelling. I saw her with her hand on her hips gesturing wildly, and I had to laugh.

“I…I can still laugh.” I was shocked. I was in so much pain and so sad. I hated Tweil, I cursed this kingdom, I despised everything. Yet I had laughed. A warm feeling resurfaced inside of me.

“You’re a cog in the wheel of this kingdom. And so am I. We aren’t meant to collide. Even if we travel down different paths, we’ll continue looking in the same direction. So, knowing that, I can go anywhere and do anything.”

I remembered his words to me in the palace gardens.

At the same time, I asked myself, Have I really lost everything? Have I? Is my existence really meaningless? Is it really?

I denied it. All of it.

The shell I had erected between me and the world shattered. I didn’t care if my existence was meaningless, because the result of the path I walked down was right here. I had taken care of, protected, and built a future for those children, and the people who lived in the duchy. That had been my goal when I started down this path, and the people of Armelia had believed in me and followed me to this moment. Yet in my darkest hour, I had rejected them.

It was true that I had lost someone very dear to me. My heart was yet broken. But I hadn’t lost everything. There was a path I needed to continue following, and the lives of the Armelian people, who had walked with me and supported me, waited there.

“Excuse me, Iris.” Just as I went back into my room, my mother entered. “Oh my. By the looks of it, you don’t need my help at all!” she said with a smile.

“Yes, I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“It’s all right. You must have truly loved him if you’ve been so very shaken.”

For a moment, heat rushed to my cheeks. Then I regained my composure. “Yes…I did. I’m a fool, Mother.”

“Oh? Whatever do you mean?”

“Because I didn’t realize how much I cared until I lost him.”

She listened to me with a serious expression.

“We had decided to go our separate ways. That didn’t mean we stopped caring for each other. Even though he walked down a different path, I thought it would be bearable so long as he was still out there somewhere.”

“Isn’t that what love is?”

I gave my mother a confused look.

“When you love someone, you continue trusting in them and caring about them even if they don’t walk beside you. You cherish their existence. Right?”

I smiled bitterly. “I suppose so. I love him.” I was sad that I hadn’t been able to tell him that. I would probably always regret it. “But there are other things I love too.”

Now it was my mother’s turn to give me a puzzled look. “What’s that?”

“I love this duchy and the people who live in it. When I was in the darkest days of my grief and had lost myself in it, I thought I didn’t care about anything anymore. I overlooked the things I loved. Now I know that if I lost them too, then I really would be filled with nothing but regret.” They were all so important to me, I couldn’t choose between them. If I lost any of them, my world would be consumed by a void. “More than anything, he wouldn’t want me to turn my back on the people. I want to live my life so that he would be proud of me.”

“That’s wonderful,” my mother murmured. “You’re so wonderful, Iris. If you must know the truth, I came to scold you for letting your grief take over and make you turn your back on the things that are yet important to you.”

A shiver ran down my spine. My mother was so intimidating that even imagining such a scolding made me tremble.

“It seems like that was a needless worry, wasn’t it? You already know. You know what’s important to you, and that you’re important to others as well.”

“Thank you.”

“There will be more times in your life when you feel pain and sadness. But don’t forget that even though it’s vital to let yourself grieve, you can’t lose yourself in it. Because you’re still alive.” Mother reached out and gently clasped my hand. “Remember how I told you that I lost my mother to bandits?”

I nodded. I could never forget a story like that. She had shared her painful past with me when I was struggling with my own issues. That story had given me the courage to regain my footing.

“After that, I was lost in the pain and grief of losing my mother. I couldn’t see a future. The only thing I lived for was training, so that I could get my vengeance on the bandits who killed her. I was obsessed with my grief and utterly forgot what was important. As a result, I worried so many people who were dear to me. My brother lost his temper with me and yelled, ‘Have you forgotten that you’re still alive?!’”

Those words were an echo of what my mother had come to tell me just now.

“I wasn’t alone with my sadness and pain, yet I thought I was the only one in the whole world who felt that way. I was wrong.”

“Mother…”

“You can’t regain what you’ve lost. So it’s only natural to be sad. But you must not let it hold you prisoner to the point that you despise the world. You can’t turn your back on the present and lose yourself in the past. It won’t bring anyone back. If you keep giving in to your grief, you’ll be consumed by regret. You’ll wish you’d done things differently and learn nothing from the lessons that grief can teach you. Everyone loses someone precious to them eventually. Everyone has to die at some point. It’s an inevitable part of life, that our time with our loved ones is limited. That’s what makes it so special. And that’s why you should make the most out of the time you have with them. Do just as you said—live your life in a way that makes the person you lost proud of you.”

My mother’s words resonated deeply within my heart. “Thank you, Mother.”

The moment I said it, she wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace. “You’ve had such a tough time, Iris. You did the very best you could. And you remembered what is important.”

I tensed. My mother’s words and her warmth were so reassuring that I burst into tears.

 

***

 

The following day, I returned to work. Tanya tearfully told me how much she had worried about me, and Merida said the same. The other people in the mansion didn’t know the particulars of the situation, so they assumed that I had fallen sick from exhaustion, but they were similarly worried about me. The officials from the various ministries tearfully, but happily, welcomed me back to work. I was both guilty and a little embarrassed as I returned to my regular duties. The wounds on my heart hadn’t healed, and I hadn’t forgotten about Dean, no matter how I buried myself in my work—or perhaps because I buried myself in my work. After all, we had spent so much time in this mansion working together. Buried in our work, dreaming about the future.

Every time we came up with a new idea, we were happy for each other. Every time we hit a wall, we helped each other work through it. There were too many memories with him in this mansion for me to get over him there. But what else could I do? There was nothing. I still loved him.

I kept those thoughts in the back of my mind as I tackled the work that had piled up in my absence. The days passed like this, until I had gradually returned to my normal self. That was good, because soon I had a vitally important responsibility to carry out—my meeting with the kingdom of Acacia.

Tanya stood behind me, and beside her, my mother. Even though they were dressed the same as usual, they were both secretly armed. They wanted to be able to act instantly, should the need arise. Since they were by my side, I had tasked Lyle and Dida with guarding the mansion. This was supposed to be a peaceful negotiation, and I thought it would be unwise to have obvious bodyguards by my side.

I clenched my hands into fists and murmured to myself. “It’s all right. There’s nothing to worry about. You can do this.”

“What’s wrong, Iris?” Mother asked.

I gave her a tight smile. “Just trying to give myself courage.”

Tanya came up to my side. “My lady, he’s here.”

Tension filled me. “Welcome, Prince Khadir,” I greeted him with a smile.

Khadir was wearing the formal garments of the Acacian royal family, and he had a soft smile. To be honest, his smile seemed a bit shady, but I suspected he likely thought the same about me.

“I’m overjoyed to meet you.” He took my hand and kissed it.

Khadir’s dramatic gesture put a wry smile on my face. “It’s so nice to meet you for the first time, Your Highness,” I said with extra emphasis.

Now it was his turn to smile wryly at me. I was subtly telling him that I’d play along with his story, but he had to give a little too. I was sure he didn’t want anyone else knowing that the last time he’d come here, he posed as “Hafiz.”

“Please come in and have a seat, my lord.” I motioned toward a chair, then sat across from him. I studied the prince. He wore a confident smile on his handsome face, and he had a refined aura reserved for nobility. His very presence suggested true royalty.

“This is a very nice territory. The people are wealthy, and the government is stable.”

“Yes, thank you.” How absolutely shameless, I thought to myself angrily. Of course I didn’t dare show it. Instead, I lowered my gaze and said sadly, “However, an awfully frightening thing did happen in our duchy recently.”

“Oh?” I thought I saw his eyes glint.

“Yes. Another kingdom attacked us.”

“My, that is a shame.”

“Yes, a dreadful shame. I could hardly believe that the kingdom of the man who proposed marriage to me would do such a thing.”

For a moment, a heavy silence fell over the room. I was testing Khadir, seeing what he would say next.

“Please allow me to explain,” he said. “I’m afraid the former king secretly conspired with the kingdom of Tweil to attack your territory. It was not my wish to do so.”

I let out a sigh. “It wasn’t your wish? Still, it’s an undeniable fact that the kingdom of Acacia invaded. So, how will you take responsibility for that?”

Khadir smiled. Here, when I was questioning how he’d take responsibility for war. For a moment, that sent shivers down my spine. “Pardon me. I explained my own personal feelings. I don’t want you to hate me, after all. Regardless of whether it was my wish to attack you, as the king, I need to explain our perspective. This tragedy was the result of reckless behavior on the part of the former king and a select group of people. The kingdom at large had no wish to do injury to your domain.”

“You may have altered the description, but the meaning is the same.”

“My, my. That’s rather harsh,” Khadir said with an amused chuckle.

“Can you blame me? My people, who I hold dear, were attacked.”

“How intimidating you are.”

“Goodness. Do I really seem that frightening?”

“No, you aren’t showing it on your face at all, and that’s what makes it frightening. You don’t allow yourself to be swayed by emotions. That’s the most dangerous sort of person to deal with, because they can take hold of a situation in the blink of an eye, if you let down your guard.”

I inwardly clicked my tongue. What a difficult man.

“Now, I have come on behalf of my kingdom bearing an appropriate sum as reparations for the victims who suffered during this disturbance,” he said. “The details are in the documents here. All you have to do is sign on the dotted line.”

An elderly man who waited behind the prince stepped forward and reverently handed me a document.

I took it and looked it over. “This isn’t nearly enough,” I declared as soon as I read it.

“Oh?” Khadir’s eyes sharpened. Suddenly, I felt more tension in the air than I ever had at any other meeting I’d conducted.

“Of course not. You see, we have custody of your kingdom’s first prince, Jalaal. He’s under our protection.”

The tension emanating from Khadir grew positively overwhelming. Deep down within, I was sweating like a pig.

“You took someone who attacked your domain under your protection?”

“We took him as a prisoner of war, of course. He attacked us. When you became king, I shared that news with him. I’m not certain whether it was because he’d had a bit of a rough time after his capture or because he finally realized the position he was in, but afterward, he apologized from the bottom of his heart and pledged to rely on us completely.”

“He merely feared your power.”

“No, no, not at all! Before, you referred to yourself as Acacia’s king. But under what grounds did you become king? The rightful heir is still alive, after all. In my custody.”

With that, Khadir’s expression finally changed. “…I suggest you stop right there. I won’t hesitate to mobilize my kingdom against someone who interferes with our government.”

“Goodness.” I laughed out loud. Khadir was finally showing his true colors, and things were getting interesting. “Now you’re the one who’s frightening! It doesn’t take long for you to threaten someone with force, does it? I suppose that means the things you said before…” I trailed off meaningfully because I knew he would get my point.

“That means the things you said before can’t be trusted.”

I didn’t speak the words out loud, so as not to belabor the point. “I was merely asking a question. Yes, to be honest, I don’t care who’s king of Acacia. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or the first prince who now feels he owes me a debt on his honor. It doesn’t matter to me what happens to some kingdom across the sea. It would be wonderfully easy for me to immobilize your army before they even have a chance to strike. Because, you see, I’ve already laid the groundwork for such an outcome.”

The old man behind Khadir moved slightly. I saw Tanya’s expression tense. My mother still wore her beautiful smile, however. I studied Khadir, wondering how he would respond.

All of a sudden, he laughed out loud, invigorated. “You really are frightening.” He lifted a hand, and the old man froze. “How about I ask you this: Are you satisfied with me being king? What is it that you want?”

“Half again the amount of money specified in this document, plus a treaty of nonaggression against Tasmeria as well as a treaty of commerce.”

“I’ll agree to the sum. You’ve done your homework.”

When we looked into the people who had taken over the harbor in the east, we’d found that they were from families resembling the second prince’s faction in Tasmeria, right down to their ultimate fates. In other words, after their families were identified as having taken part in the attack and their other misdeeds exposed, their assets were seized. Khadir had that money on hand, of course, and he was trying to use those funds to pay me off. Since our agents knew the sum he had confiscated, I instantly recognized that the sum he offered was only about forty percent of the total assets he had acquired. So I guessed that he would easily be able to pay me at least one hundred and fifty percent of that amount. Judging by his reaction, I was correct.

“Now, as for the treaty of nonaggression and treaty of commerce… Pardon me for asking, but as a territorial governor, do you have the authority to ask for such things on behalf of Tasmeria?”

“I’m actually the acting governor.”

“Pardon me. Well? Do you have that authority?”

“If I do, will you agree to my terms right now?”

“Well, I have no wish to fight you. I have no objections to the terms, so yes.”

“In that case, you may look these over to confirm the answer to your question.” I signaled to Tanya, who gave him three documents.

The first was an official signed document from Princess Leticia acting on behalf of Dean, stating that she left total authority in my hands regarding negotiations with Acacia. The second and the third were the same, but these were signed documents for both the treaty of nonaggression and treaty of commerce, giving me full authority to enact those as well.

“I’m surprised. You even have the proper paperwork in order.” Khadir chuckled. Despite what he said, he didn’t look very surprised at all.

“Yes, of course. This is a negotiation with Prince Khadir of Acacia, after all. I didn’t want to run the risk of offending you.”

“Ha ha ha. Well, you got me. But I want you to know that I meant what I said. I’ll read through the treaties, and if I have no objections, then I’ll sign them right here and now.”

So, he thoroughly read each and every document and signed them. It seemed he had no objections.

“That was quick.”

“But appropriate. If I had found anything objectionable, I wouldn’t have signed. As I said, you did your homework.”

“Thank you.”

I took the signed documents and added my signature. Then I gave a copy of each document to Prince Khadir and handed the other copy to Tanya for our records.

“Now, I shall have you return Jalaal.”

“Hm? Oh, but I haven’t told you the rest of my conditions.”

For a moment Khadir stared blankly at me. Then he let out a sigh. “You’re awfully shrewd, aren’t you? Fine, then. What else do you want?”

“Just one more thing. I want you to lower the tariffs between Armelia and Acacia by five percent for these items. Here’s a list.”

“My, my. You sure are demanding.”

“Am I? If you agree to lower the tariffs, then we shall also lower the tariffs on these items for Acacia.”

He closed his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. For a moment the room was completely silent. No one dared to make a sound so as not to interfere with his thoughts. “Fine. Think of it as part of our reparations,” he finally said with a sigh.

I nearly let out a sigh of relief myself, but I managed to hold it in. Tanya handed him two more pieces of paper, and we signed each one. “I think that these agreements will be beneficial for both our kingdoms in the long run.”

“Yes. But isn’t setting tariffs in this manner also restricting exports?”

“That wouldn’t necessarily be a problem for Acacia, would it?”

“I suppose not. You really got me this time. I thought that if I married you, that would remove all export restrictions. I suppose that’s your answer, then?”

“Yes. Thank you so much for the offer, but I will have to respectfully decline.”

“May I ask why?”

“First of all, the burden of being a queen is too great for me. I’m sure you understand that more than anyone.”

Khadir might have gotten his hands on the throne, but it wasn’t a done deal. He didn’t have a definitive claim like the first prince of our kingdom had, or the base of support. Of course it would be beneficial to the development of his kingdom to take a bride from Armelia, but the thing he needed most was to unite his own kingdom. That was just a guess on my part, based on the information from Tanya’s agents, but it seemed I was right. Of course I didn’t say so out loud; it would interfere with the negotiations.

“Yes, I do. I do, but even still, I want you. I would do anything to have you.” Khadir gave me a piercing look. I could tell that he meant every word. I didn’t know if it was because he thought he loved me or that I would simply be a convenient woman to have by his side. Either way, he meant it when he said he wanted me. I had a feeling that when he proposed, he had already planned on trying to get the throne. Perhaps he had even envisioned this meeting. Still, the fact that he had officially proposed marriage meant that he truly wanted me. For that reason, I had been afraid to meet him here today.

“In any case, due to the agreements that we have signed today, a marriage would no longer provide much benefit to either of our kingdoms. These conditions are all we can spare. Of course, it would be a different story altogether if there was some other kind of benefit to Armelia if I married you.”

Khadir gave me a keen grin. I was sure he was wondering just how much harsher I could be. “Very well, then. Now the kingdoms of Acacia and Tasmeria have successfully been joined in a peace treaty.”

“Yes. And I shall return Prince Jalaal to you. Would you like me to show you to him?”

“No. Just take him directly to my men who are waiting outside.”

“All right, then.”

“Lady Iris. I feel this has been a most personal meeting that has deepened our bonds of friendship. Is that a correct characterization?”

“Yes, it is. Friendship between your kingdom and my domain—and my kingdom—is a very good thing for all of us.”

“Since this has been a personal meeting, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course. I can’t guarantee an answer, though.”

“What is the real reason you won’t marry me?” Khadir asked this in such a breezy tone that, for a moment, I was shocked. Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to ask that. It was too difficult for me to speak freely about, so I said nothing.

That made him smile even more. “I just confirmed that this was a personal meeting, no? I promise I won’t be angry, no matter your answer. Think of it as the last request of a man who has a hard time giving up on the woman he hoped to marry.”

“It’s a terrible question.” I let out a sigh. My mother was still smiling cheerfully by my side.

“You have to marry someone, don’t you? It’s the same in every kingdom. It’s part of the responsibility of being a noble. It’s expected. Who could possibly be a better match for you than me?”

“I won’t deny it. There are very few noblewomen my age who are unmarried. I didn’t turn down your proposal because there was someone more suitable. But one day, I shall leave the Armelia family and go somewhere else to run a business. Oh, or perhaps I shall help at the orphanage.”

“Iris…” my mother said in a concerned voice, but I smiled at her. This was something that I’d been prepared for ever since Ed broke off our engagement and I came home to Armelia. I knew that I most likely wouldn’t be able to marry anyone at all.

The situation had changed a bit, but eventually, I had decided that if I didn’t marry anyone, I would have to leave the family. I wouldn’t become head of House Armelia anyway, so when the time came that Berne married and became governor, I would just be in the way.

“Either way, I won’t marry you. You put my people in danger, with the incident before the attack.”

“I’m surprised you figured it out.”

I had to smile. It was purely a guess based on the information received from questioning Jalaal and reports gathered by Tanya’s agents. I had no definitive proof. Just a hunch that he’d been the one behind the attack on city hall and the garrison in the east before the military strike in the harbor. His answer confirmed that I was right—he was the one who had ordered it.

“How could I marry someone who hurt the people and land I love so dearly? Even if I remain unmarried and I leave House Armelia to become an ordinary woman, just Iris, I will still devote the rest of my life to working for Armelia.”

I stared at him, and he stared back at me, neither of us saying a word. It was as if we were trying to read each other’s minds.

“All right, I admit defeat. I look forward to continuing a friendly relationship with you as your neighbor,” he said with a sigh and stood.

“Yes, of course. I’m looking forward to doing the same.” I rose to my feet to see him to the door.

“I’ll return to my home for now, but just so you know, I’m not giving up on you. I’ll be ready to steal you away the moment you let down your guard.” Khadir took my hand again.

“Ooh, how frightening. That’s encouraging to hear. I’ll do my very best to stay right here in Armelia, then.”

He gave another wry chuckle, then left the room.

 

***

 

“It’s finally over.” After I made sure that the first prince of Acacia was safely escorted to the guards outside with the rest of the prisoners of war, I let out a sigh and flopped down onto the sofa.

“Yes, Iris. That must be how you conduct your business meetings all the time. I’m so very impressed. You did such a wonderful job!”

My mother gushed over me so much, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You were so calm the whole time, Mother. You didn’t stop smiling even once. I’m the one who’s impressed.”

“Oh, really? Well, I knew that you would be able to handle the negotiation, Iris. And I knew that no matter what that old man standing behind him tried to pull, I would be able to take care of him instantly.”

A wry smile formed on my face. Nerves of steel, that was my mother through and through.

“A treaty of nonaggression and a treaty of commerce. Securing both of those with such a large kingdom is nothing but a boon for ours. Not only that, but you had him remove export restrictions and lowered the tariffs for Armelia. All in all, it was a tremendous victory.”

“I would have lost, had we gone to war. And if there had been no fighting to begin with, no one would have lost their lives or gotten hurt. I did everything I could to keep Armelia safe, but I failed. I had to do something to make up for it, or I would never be able to face our people again.”

“You’re so hard on yourself, Iris.”

“I’m not. As someone who holds the lives of many people in her hands, I have an equal number of responsibilities, so it’s only natural. I made a mistake, and saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough.”

“That’s true… But that’s precisely why the people follow you, dear. Because you’re that kind of person.”

I smiled. Tanya made us some tea, and we sat there together enjoying it. The meeting had been so nerve-racking that the hot herbal tea really did soothe me from the inside out.

“I’ll stay for another week, and if nothing else arises, then I shall take the House Anderson guard and return home.”

“Yes, that sounds fine. I’ve been thinking that I want to thank you in some way. It won’t be extravagant, but I’ll be holding a party for you all before you return home.”

“That would be wonderful. I’m sure they’ll love that. They’ve been going on and on about how delicious the food is here in Armelia.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’ll have Merida go all out for the party, then.”

“Oh! Well, in that case, I’ll be looking forward to it too!”

When I saw my mother giggling softly, it really felt like things had gone back to normal. That made the tea taste even better as we sat there, chatting and enjoying our teatime together as we once had.

Sebastian came into the room and handed me a letter. “My lady, you’ve received word from Princess Leticia.”

I had no idea what it could possibly be about, so I hesitantly took and opened it. I read every word carefully.

I finished reading just as my mother asked, “What is it, Iris?”

I folded the paper and set it on the table as I answered. “She wants me to come to the capital and meet with Yuri.”

“Whatever for?” Mother looked positively baffled.

Honestly, I shared her bewilderment. “It seems Yuri is keeping her mouth shut and won’t respond to questioning. Recently, she’s claimed that she’ll speak so long as she can see me first. I have no idea why she would want to see me, though.”

“Yes… You never know what’s going on in that head of hers.”

I had to chuckle. “You can say that again.”

“Will you be going to the capital, my lady?”

“Yes, I suppose. My negotiations were successful, and everything’s going smoothly here. Besides, I’m very curious to see what Yuri has to say to me. The princess asked me to come as soon as possible, so I should leave tomorrow.”

“Goodness!”

“I’m sorry that I’ll have to leave before the party…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there on Armelia’s behalf.”

I wondered if the guard would be happier that way. I’d met with them once with my mother to express my thanks. The way they looked at and respected my mother was something very close to reverence. It had shocked me then, but looking back on it now, it was a good memory. If they had such deep devotion to her, then I was sure they would be happy to have Mother see them off in my stead. In fact, it would surprise me if they didn’t want to stay by her side.

“I’ll be counting on you to take care of things here, Mother. Tanya, please get everything ready.”

They both nodded.

“Yes, of course.”

“Right away, my lady.”

The next day, Tanya, Lyle, Dida, and a handful of other guards accompanied me to the capital. We arrived without incident, and I headed straight to the castle after a brief stop at the mansion. I’d hoped to talk to Father or Berne before going to see Yuri, but both of them were already at the castle. There was probably a lot to take care of in the aftermath of the war, so it couldn’t be helped. Although, I was worried about my father’s health, since Mother had said he wasn’t yet fully recovered.

I arrived at the castle, which wasn’t as quiet and refined as it usually was but instead filled with hustle and bustle.

Berne was there to greet me at the door. “We’ve been waiting for you, Sister.”

“Goodness, I wasn’t expecting you to go out of your way to greet someone as insignificant as me, Berne,” I said as I signaled my guards to wait here.

“This is a matter of utmost importance. …Also, I can assure you that no one in this kingdom thinks you insignificant, Sister.”

“You certainly know how to flatter someone.”

I let Berne guide me down the corridor. “I heard what happened in Armelia. I’d expect nothing less of you.”

“Thank you.”

“I’d love to talk more in depth with you later, but first let me ask you this: Is it true that you turned down Prince Khadir’s proposal?”

“Yes, that’s right. But don’t worry. I’ll leave House Armelia when you marry and take over as governor.” I said this in as cheerful a voice as I could muster, but for some reason, he gave me a sheepish grin.

“I want to talk to you about that too, actually… Would you take over as head of House Armelia in my stead?”

“Huh?” I stopped in my tracks. “What in the world are you talking about? You’re the rightful heir, Berne.”

“On what grounds, though? You’re the eldest, and based on your accomplishments alone, anyone would say you’re much better suited for the job than I am.”

“But…”

“As a member of House Armelia, I want you to be the heir.”

“What will you do?”

“I don’t really care, as long as I can remain involved with the government of the kingdom. I’ll buy a house somewhere here in the capital and live there. I’ll think about the rest when the time comes. At any rate, we’ll have to discuss it later. We’re here.”

I looked up and saw that we had arrived before an ornate door. My head was so busy thinking about what Berne had just told me, I could barely pull myself together to speak to Princess Leticia.

“Excuse us, Your Highness,” Berne knocked on the door and opened it. So I had no choice but to switch gears mentally and follow him.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Lady Iris.”

“And you, my liege. Please excuse my rudeness—I had no idea about your true identity at the time.”

Berne gave us a confused look. “Pardon me for interrupting, but is this not your first meeting?”

“No. I snuck into town one day and ran into Lady Iris.”

I smiled wryly. I’d forgotten that Berne didn’t know that I had worked with Prince Alfred, as Dean.

“At any rate, thank you so much for coming here so quickly even though I’m sure you’re exhausted, Lady Iris. Without further ado, I’d like you to accompany me to the tower where she’s being held, if that’s all right.”

“Yes, of course.”

So Leticia, Berne, Tanya, and I made our way to the tower. The farther we got, the fewer people we saw. Finally, we reached our destination. It was away from the palace and had a dreary, depressing aura. We climbed a set of stairs and came to a room enclosed by iron bars.

“Here she is, Lady Iris.” Leticia pointed to a cell with a girl inside of it.

My breath caught in my throat as soon as I saw her. She looked absolutely nothing like she had when I saw her last. She was rail thin. Her hair was messy and matted, her skin was in rough shape, and her eyes were bright red as if she had been crying. She stared absently into space.

“It’s been a long time, Lady Yuri.” I did my best to speak evenly so as not to reveal my shock.

“Yes, it has, Lady Iris.” Yuri laughed sarcastically as she turned toward me.

“Why did you want to see me?”

“No particular reason. I just wanted to see you before I died.” Her eyes and smile were ice-cold. Before, she would have never dared to show that in public, but strangely it didn’t surprise me. This more accurately reflected the person she had been all along. “Are you satisfied?”

Now it was my time to let out a sarcastic laugh. “I don’t know. I thought I would be, but I don’t feel anything.”

“Well, well.”

I wondered why in the world she had made me travel so far to see her if this was all she wanted, but I didn’t say that out loud. “May I ask you something else, then?” Yuri didn’t respond. I took that as a yes, so I continued. “Did you ever truly love Edward?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Pure curiosity.”

Yuri laughed. She did it loudly, with her mouth open wide as if she were scorning me. The sight was so terrible that it sent a shiver down my spine.

“Why? Because you don’t want to admit that the man you loved was stolen by someone who only wanted to use him for her own ends?” Yuri’s voice suddenly sharpened. “I know you’ve already heard I was working for Tweil. It was my job to seduce the highest-ranking noble I could to cause chaos in this kingdom.”

“Yes, I know.”

“So? How does it feel to know that he died protecting me? Protecting the woman he loved? He loved me. You desperately wanted him to love you, yet he never did, despite being forced into your engagement. How does that make you feel? Angry? Hateful?” Every word she uttered was an attack. But I wasn’t the one who her words had hurt. It seemed to me that she was hurting herself.

“Tell me you’re angry! Tell me you hate me!” Yuri lunged toward me, grabbing the iron bars. We were close enough to touch.

“So you did love him.”

Yuri lifted her face. “Huh? What in the world are you talking about?” She sounded so insulted that I had to laugh.

“Oh, am I wrong? Everything you just said made it sound like you were besotted.”

Yuri didn’t answer. I thought she would get defensive and deny it, no matter the truth, but she said nothing. As I studied her face, her eyes filled with tears that then streamed down her cheeks. She had loved him. The sight of her in that instant gave me more confirmation than a hundred words ever could.

“I-I don’t understand,” she said, looking back down.

I stared at her for a while longer, but she seemed frozen in place.

“I’m not angry,” I said firmly. “He and I were engaged a long time ago, then we went down two very different paths. What he did afterward is no concern of mine.”

Yuri looked up once again and glared at me, her eyes overflowing with hatred.

“Besides, you’re the one who Edward chose to love. No matter what you think, he was able to protect you. That’s all he wanted, right? Even though I think it’s a shame that he died, I would never hate anyone for those reasons.”

“I can’t stand the peaceful look on your face!”

I had to let out a chuckle. “Well, there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“You were born with everything! Status, money, and a bright future! Surrounded by people who loved you! I hate people like you!” Yuri screamed at me as she shook the iron bars. The sound of them clanging was as shrill as her screams.

“That’s why you tortured me?”

“Hmph. Served you right.” Yuri laughed with amusement. A dark laugh.

“I see.” It annoyed me to learn that she had put me through hell for such a ridiculous reason. I supposed you never knew what could set someone off. That didn’t make me feel any better, as the target of her petty harassment.

“What’s so different about you and me, anyway?! I’m much prettier and more charismatic than you! The fact that Ed chose me is proof of that! So why did I end up here?!” she screamed at me.

Something inside of me snapped. I raised my hand high to slap her as hard as I could across the face. Unfortunately, the iron bars stood in the way of my ability to make contact with her. Instead, my hand hit the bars, and it was quite painful. The metal let out a shrill shriek in place of her skin.

I knew that everyone around me wondered what in the world I thought I was doing, and even Yuri looked bewildered for a moment. My heart hurt more than my hand. “Pardon me for saying it, but you and I are incredibly different!”

“How? Our birthright? Don’t tell me it comes down to luck!”

“Please, no one would say that! What good is charisma if all you do with it is use people for your own selfish desires? I trust the people around me and depend on them!” I blurted out, raising my voice without meaning to.

“Wh-what’s so different about that?!” It seemed I had touched a sore spot. Yuri glared at me even more intensely than before.

“Do you even understand what I’m saying? All you do is use people. Once you’re finished with them or they become inconvenient to you, you throw them away like so much refuse. No one would ever trust someone like you! If someone did get close, it would only be to use you in return!”

Yuri gasped and fell silent. I had hit the nail on the head.

“Trust is the belief that someone is dependable and good. Depending on someone means you put your trust in them. You can’t have one without the other. When I can trust someone, that means I need them. If something happens, I would protect them with my life! So don’t you dare compare yourself to me!” I screamed so loud my throat went dry. I took a few deep breaths to compose myself.

“How…” Yuri said something so quietly that I couldn’t hear it over my ragged breaths. “How can you trust people? How could anyone ever trust someone again after what happened to you?”

“What, you mean when Ed broke off our engagement? Or when you stole my employees? Or when—”

“All of it. Especially your engagement. The person you loved rejected you. Your own brother joined him in that.”

Honestly, I had asked myself that same question, over and over again. So it was funny to hear her asking the same. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well…to tell you the truth, I was afraid to trust people, and that made me build a wall around myself. But the people who had served me all along remained. They told me they would follow me always, no matter what, and gradually they broke down the wall I’d made.”

I had been terrified of trusting again only to have that trust betrayed. My heart had been too deeply wounded. I was afraid of showing vulnerability, so I pretended that everything was all right. The ones who had broken through my stubbornness were my childhood friends—and Dean.

“Sometimes I still get scared, but now I realize that trusting people isn’t so bad after all. If you’re too afraid to trust, then you forget how wonderful it is to share both the good and the bad with other people. If you just summon a little courage to try, the world can be a truly wonderful place.” I looked toward Tanya, and she smiled proudly at me.

“They might betray you,” said Yuri.

“They might. But if I sit around being afraid all the time, I’ll never get anywhere. If you lose yourself in fear, you turn your back on all the wonderful things in life. It’s your loss. This world isn’t a kind place. It’s impossible to live in without getting hurt from time to time. So when you get hurt, you just have to dust yourself off and keep living.”

“I see.” Yuri smiled. It made her look possessed. “I was right. I hate you.”

I smiled back. “I hate you too.”

“Oh. It would be sickening if you said you liked me at this point.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

We both laughed.

“Lady Iris. What do you think it means to love someone?”

“I don’t know. It’s not the sort of thing one can explain. It means you think that person is more special than anyone else. I think that’s probably what love is.”

“Special… Yes…” Yuri smiled again, this time looking like she might cry. “I’m a fool. I only realized how important he was to me when I was grieving him.”

“Yes. You’re a fool.”

I smiled at her. I was also on the verge of tears because of her words. “I had so many chances to tell him. Now I can’t. I’m a fool too. We’re both complete fools.”

Yuri’s eyes widened.

“Ah, I’m not talking about Ed. Of course I do mourn his death, though.”

“You do?” Her voice trembled.

“Who, Ed?” I asked, and she nodded. “Yes. Someone close to me said, ‘Even if the person was someone you absolutely despised, it’s difficult to feel hatred for them when they die. You start to remember the good times instead of focusing on the reasons you disliked them. It’s the best way for those left behind to cope.’ It’s true that before he died, I despised him from the bottom of my heart. But we did share good memories. So, I mourn his death.”

Tears streamed freely down Yuri’s face. “I thought no one would mourn him. The only people who truly loved him were Queen Ellia and Lord Marea, but they’re dead too… And I…”

“Well, at the very least, I do grieve for him. I’m sure there are a lot of other people who do too. You’re just not aware of it. People are complicated and have many facets.”

“I see… I’m glad, then, that his name isn’t only associated with bad things.” Yuri let out a relieved sigh through her tears, almost making me cry again.

I could tell how much she loved Edward now. She was afraid of people saying he was evil and that idea taking root in the people’s minds. What else could you call it but love, if she was more concerned with his reputation than hers?

Finally, Yuri stopped crying, and her expression was clear. “Lady Iris… Go home. I’ll tell the princess everything.”

“Is that right? Well then, do take care, Lady Yuri.” We had nothing more to say to each other.

“Do take care, Lady Iris.” Yuri smiled at me. It was just how she used to smile.

Then I left.

“Princess Leticia would like you to wait in her study, Sister.”

“All right. Don’t you want to hear what Yuri has to say?”

“She wishes to speak to the princess alone.”

“I see. Yes, please show me to her study, in that case.”

We left the tower and went back the way we came. “Sister, about what—”

“If you’re going to apologize again for what happened back then, there’s no need. You already did.”

“True enough.”

“And that’s why I’ll tell you my answer as to whether I should become head of House Armelia. If the apology you gave me then came from the bottom of your heart, then I can’t become the heir.”

“Those are two separate matters. I truly believe you would be the more appropriate governor of Armelia. I’ve already brought it up to Father, and he’s approved. We have all the necessary documents prepared.”

“What?!”

“To be honest, I’m glad that nothing came of Acacia’s proposal. As someone who works for the kingdom, it would be a great loss for Tasmeria if we were to lose someone with your talents.”

“You’re overestimating me.”

“I’m not. Why are you being so stubborn about not becoming governor?” Berne asked. “You’re the firstborn, and you have numerous achievements to show for your work. Is it because you’re a woman? Why would being a woman have any negative effect on your being head of house?”

He had hit the nail on the head. My greatest hesitation in this was the fact of my womanhood. I had thought all along it would be best for me to withdraw. Now that someone pointed out my doubt, I was speechless. I should withdraw from governance because I was a woman? Why? The more I thought, the less I could reason my way around it. The only thing that came to mind was the phrase: “That’s what’s expected of you.”

“If the position of head of house would be too heavy for you to bear and you wish to be free, then I won’t force you. But…”

“Aren’t you contradicting yourself?”

“I was going to say, but you’ve already shouldered the burden and carried out your responsibilities wonderfully. Even so, as your family…as your brother, I wouldn’t want you to suffer under a burden you could no longer bear.”

“I see.”

I took a deep breath. I asked myself how I felt in my heart. What did I want my future to be? Two paths stretched before me. I could either continue being the governor, or not. The latter road forked in countless directions.

“Let me ask you one more thing,” I said. “You honestly don’t mind what I choose?”

“Correct. I won’t object no matter your decision.”

“All right. Then Berne, I shall take you up on your offer and become head of House Armelia.”

Berne beamed. “I see. I’m most pleased to hear that.”

We had reached Leticia’s study. Berne, Tanya, and I went inside.

“Please wait here,” Berne said. “I have a bit of business to attend to. I’ll have the servants bring you something, so Tanya, you may also wait here.”

“Thank you, Berne.”

After my brother left the room, I sank into my seat with a sigh.

“Are you sure about this, my lady?” Tanya asked with concern.

“About what?”

“Becoming head of house.”

“I’m sure. I have no regrets. I’m actually thrilled—I’ll get to stay with everyone now.”

“Is that right?” Tanya wore a relieved smile.

“Heh heh. Looks like we’ll be staying put, Tanya! I’ll be counting on you.”

“Please count on me for as long as you want, my lady. I shall stay by your side until I wither.”

“Goodness! I certainly don’t want you to wither!”

We laughed.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and a castle servant entered the room. She made us some tea then left us to ourselves. Honestly, Tanya’s tea was much better, but beggars can’t be choosers. I sat there quietly for a while, enjoying the warmth. So much had happened today. I let the hot tea wash away all the stress I had gathered within.

“Excuse me. I’m so sorry I kept you waiting, Lady Iris.”

“Your Highness! Thank you so much for allowing me to relax in here.”

“I’m pleased that you were able to do so!” Leticia walked over and sat in front of me. “Thanks to you, Yuri gave her testimony. Now we will be able to proceed with censuring the nobles whom we previously lacked sufficient evidence against. Thank you.”

“Of course. I’m just glad I could be a bit of help.”

“A bit of help? You’ve already brought us the best possible outcome here, not to mention your successful negotiation with the kingdom of Acacia! I really can’t thank you enough.”

“I’m honored.”

“Lady Iris… Will you become head of House Armelia?”

“Yes. Has Berne told you?”

“Yes and no. It came up in conversation, so I heard a bit. It seems as though he broached the subject with you today?”

“He did.”

“You’ve agreed?”

“Yes, I will officially become Armelia’s governor.”

Happiness spread across Leticia’s face. “I see! Just between you and me…I’m going to succeed the throne.”

I’d had a feeling that would happen; after all, now that both Edward and Alfred were gone, she was the only one left in the line of succession.

“Things will be different from how they were when my grandmother was queen. I won’t merely be a link to the next generation. I’ve secured all rights and authority as ruler.”

“Oh my! That’s amazing!” Now I was surprised. I’d always had a feeling Leticia would be able to accomplish such a thing, but to hear she had succeeded was something else.

Her grandmother Iria had reigned as queen, but once someone of royal blood married into the next generation, she ceded her power. It left the strong impression that her reign had been primarily a stopgap until the next bloodline heir.

Leticia’s reign would be different. She would be the very first true queen in Tasmeria’s history. I was certain that this hadn’t been an easy path for her; she’d had to confront the preconceived notions of what a monarch should be and continuously break them down.

“I’m ready for it,” said Leticia. “And I’ve already started my journey. I’m looking forward to your continued support, Lady Iris.”

“As I look forward to yours.”

“There’s something else. I suppose you could call it an expression of my gratitude for the matter with Acacia, or perhaps a reward. I’m thinking of designating Armelia a special territory and giving you freedom of discretion, to a certain extent.”

“What does that mean, exactly?”

“Well, you know that my brother enacted a centralized system of government during his reign?”

“Yes, of course.”

“To put it plainly, I want to exempt you and Armelia from that. You may govern Armelia how you see fit.”

The moment this really sunk in, it took my breath away. Leticia’s tone was lighthearted, but she was offering me something incredibly serious. “Are you sure?”

Leticia giggled. “You’re asking me that too? My personal feelings on the matter are of no consequence—this is best for the kingdom. I notified the nobility, and there were no complaints. That doesn’t surprise me; they did Ellia’s bidding when she tried to interfere with Armelia and turned a blind eye to all the harassment Edward inflicted upon you, all while trying to profit from those grievances. Moreover, they were powerless to help you in your recent crisis.”

I couldn’t agree or do anything else but give a vague nod. I couldn’t believe Leticia had already notified the other nobles and gotten their approval. Everything was happening so fast. If that was how much faith they had in Armelia, then I had nothing else to say. I would accept this amazing opportunity.

“Thank you, my liege. I will continue to work tirelessly for Armelia. Nothing would make me happier than being able to help the kingdom.”

“I’m so pleased to hear you say that.”

And so my meeting with Leticia ended on a happy note.

 

***

 

After I finished my business at the castle, I returned to the Armelia mansion in the capital.

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” My father had finally returned from the castle himself, so I was able to see him. His complexion looked better than the last time we met, when he was bedridden, but he still seemed pale. He hadn’t regained the weight he lost either. Despite all that, he was going to work every day, so I understood why Mother worried about him.

“Yes, thanks to everyone’s help.”

“There’s no need to be humble. I truly am so, so glad you’re safe.” Father gently took me in his arms. His warmth was so comforting that it seemed to go right through me, all the way to my heart.

“Thank…you…!”

We stayed like that for a while, then pulled apart.

“Berne told me everything,” he said. “You’ll take over, then?”

“You’re not against it, Father?”

“Why would I be? Who in their right mind could be, considering everything you’ve done? Especially seeing how things are in Armelia now.”

My heart ached with pride and joy. “I see…”

“What’s more, Berne found his own path. At any rate, no one has any objections. By the way, I’ve already told Berne, but I would like to proceed at once and formally instate you as governor as soon as tomorrow.”

“Ah, that’s awfully sudden, isn’t it?”

“I’ve been considering it for some time. It would be difficult for me physically speaking to undertake the same amount of work I used to. All the necessary documents are in order, and I know you’re already comfortable with your duties, so there are no concerns there.”

“Is it really that bad, Father?”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m fine as long as I don’t overexert myself.” He smiled softly and quietly to ease my fears.

“All right…” Truthfully, that smile made me worry about his condition even more, but I couldn’t press him any further at present.

“So? Are you prepared, then?”

“Yes. I was ready to bear the responsibility for Armelia a long time ago.”

“I see. Well, I won’t give you any further advice but for this: If things ever get difficult, speak up any time. You have me, Merry, and many others ready by your side.”

The next day, I officially became the governor of Armelia—and thus, head of House Armelia. My father and Berne had already arranged the necessary documents; all I had to do was sign. I thought there would be some manner of formal ceremony, but with the kingdom preoccupied with cleaning up the aftermath of the war, there was no time for such things.

Thus, there was no big emotional to-do; it was done with the single stroke of my pen. Not that I had a problem with that, mind you.

The following day, I took a carriage back to Armelia.

“Are you sure you want to go home so soon, my lady?” Even Tanya seemed bewildered by my whirlwind of a trip.

“Yes. Although my connections in the capital are important, it would only be a waste of time to remain there with how things are during recovery from the war effort. It’s best if I return to Armelia.”

“I see.”

“We’ll be even busier now, Tanya,” I said with a smile. My mind felt as clear as the sunny blue skies outside the carriage window. The warm breeze caressed my cheek as the scenery flew past us.

So much had happened. So many roadblocks and tears along the way. So much pain. At the same time, so many smiles and so much laughter. I’d received boundless warmth. I knew there would be more pain, tears, and hesitations in the future. I was prepared for all of it. I wanted to see what lay beyond this path—the bright, shining future. So I would keep going, with everyone at my side.