Chapter 2: A Moment’s Respite

Chapter 2:
A Moment’s Respite

 

IT WAS THE MORNING of the entrance ceremony: the end of summer vacation and the start of lethargic depression.

I awoke from the heat but stubbornly lingered under the covers. Starting today, I would have to wake up at a certain time every morning, get dressed, and leave the house early enough to arrive in time for first period. This was going to be impossible for someone like me, whose muscles had atrophied over summer break. Drowsiness and laziness leaked from every pore, engulfing me. My eyelids were so heavy, they practically vacuum-sealed my eyes shut.

Then I noticed I couldn’t hear any cicadas crying through the window behind me. Summer was ending, each moment of it repurposed as a memory of a time long since passed, in order to make room for autumn. I could never go back to the past, nor could I remain here in the present. I had no choice but to flow with the seasons ever onward.

In other words, if I kept snoozing, maybe I’d end up in the same place regardless… Yeah, probably… Zzzzz…

“Geddup!”

Out of nowhere, someone kicked me in the butt. I rolled away with the blanket, but the foot chased after me.

“Take that! Take that!”

Are you having fun kicking your own daughter’s butt, Mom?

Once I hit the wall, I had no choice but to wake up. She grinned at me, flashing her pearly whites. “Good morning.”

I looked over at my little sister, a notorious early bird, but she was still sound asleep in bed. “Uh…what time is it?”

My organs groaned as my internal clock hitched. This was clearly not enough sleep for me. But my mother didn’t answer; instead, her eyes narrowed into slits. “Your friend’s outside.”

“Friend? What friend?” I asked, shaking my sleepy head. But once again, no answer came, and she left the room.

If they came to my house, then it’s Adachi or Tarumi…and since it’s the first day of school…probably Adachi. I’m gonna laugh if it’s Nagafuji, though.

I opened the curtains and peeked outside. “Aha.”

Sure enough, I could see Adachi standing out in front of my house, her forehead glistening with sweat beneath the first rays of the morning sun. Why was she hunching her shoulders like that? She was standing there all stiff like a robot, face and neck flushed bright red, unmoving. Idly, I wondered if she was holding her breath.

“Hmmm…I guess she’s waiting for me…?”

Of course she is. I stepped away from the window. Honestly, I would have liked to observe her in Robot Mode a little longer, but if she really was holding her breath, then I didn’t want her to suffocate. Thus, I decided to go fetch her.

I left my room without bothering to get dressed or brush my hair. Come to think of it, despite all our phone calls, I hadn’t seen Adachi in person in quite a while—not since the summer festival, in fact. I kept expecting her to show up at my house, but she never did. Maybe she needed to sort out her feelings…or maybe not.

While we’re on the subject, that festival night was hell on earth. Adachi turned into a soulless husk, so I had to practically carry her back home, and it was sweltering. Kinda made me wish she would’ve waited to confess her feelings until we got to her house… Selfish, I know. This was one of the things I probably needed to change about myself.

My mind reviewed all of the night’s events in order, and by the end, I was blushing faintly. “Eeee…!”

This was my first experience having a girlfriend…but then again, that was probably normal, since plenty of girls went their whole lives without ever having one. Or was it actually pretty common, and I just didn’t know about it? Like Hino and Nagafuji, for example. They seemed really close, so maybe something was going on there…

Meh, who cares. More importantly, I needed to figure out what to say when I opened the door. Our relationship had evolved from “friends” to “girlfriends,” so what else was going to change? Was I supposed to be different somehow? When she asked me out, I said yes under the assumption that Future Me would figure it all out…and now I was Future Me.

“Help me, Doraemon…”

I had finished all my homework, but there was just one big problem left. The same problem I’d procrastinated on.

Normally, girls didn’t get girlfriends—you know, generally speaking. But Adachi was different…and the fact that I agreed to date her probably meant I was too…

“Eeeeeee…!”

Unfortunately, the thirty seconds it took to arrive at the front door was nowhere near enough time for my sleepy brain to figure something out. In the end, I decided I would just act normal.

When I opened the door, I found she was still in Robot Mode. “Good morning,” I greeted her. She flinched in fear, eyes quavering in contrast with her otherwise perfect stillness. Since she was wearing her uniform, she was probably here to take me to school.

This year, she wasn’t planning to hide out in the gym loft. Plus, my hair was a different color, and now I wouldn’t have to walk to school alone. The days that came before all blurred together, and yet they had brought about a dozen tiny changes that added up to today. At last, I had arrived at the second semester of my second year of high school, and the only thing that had stayed the same was the miserable heat.

Then Adachi started toddling over to me, her shoulders still hunched. Her joints were so stiff, she looked like she was bunny-hopping.

“Hmmmm.” She reminds me of a bouncy ball. Boing, boing, boing. Looks like fun. Anyone would smile if they saw her, and I was no exception.

Then, with a whoosh, she landed right in front of me. She sure knows how to make an entrance, I guess. She still hadn’t said a single word, and yet her lower lip was now quivering along with her eyes. I was relieved to see she was the same girl I remembered—but just then, she whipped her head down into a deep bow.

“I…I’m really looking forward to this!”

I could practically hear her stiff joints creaking as she straightened up again. What was she even talking about? I paused to think.

“Ohhhh, I get it.”

She was talking about our new relationship. It kinda felt like today was officially our first day together… The thought made me a little bashful.

“Well, um, I am too.”

I bowed back to her. After all, I got the sense I was more exasperating to her than she was to me. Plus, I didn’t know how to date anyone. I thought back to the disclaimer I once muttered under my breath: Don’t blame me if it doesn’t work out. Looking back, maybe this was the moment I should have said it for real.

“So…what are you doing here at the crack of dawn?”

She recoiled sharply. “I…I thought maybe we could…go to school together…”

“Oh ho.” Clearly she was planning to turn me into an honor student.

“Because I…I mean, you’re my…g-girl…girlfriend now…” She was so visibly nervous, her teeth were chattering.

“Uh…” Technically we were both girlfriends, so how did that work? Eh, whatever.

“Aren’t you?” she pressed, taking a step forward, and I half-expected her to grab my hand. When she looked up, I realized our faces were inches apart.

She had asked me this same question over the phone. Was she really that insecure about it? Granted, she was practically unconscious for the latter half of that night, so maybe she just couldn’t remember for sure. Maybe she thought she dreamed the whole thing. Therefore…

“Yes, I am.”

It was a little embarrassing, but nevertheless, I took her hand in mine, lacing my fingers with hers with our palms pressed together. She flinched and looked at me like a deer in headlights. I slowly raised our joined hands for her to see.

“I love you, and you love me. Right?”

It’s just that simple.

Slowly, she wilted. Or maybe she had simply switched out of Robot Mode. In exchange, her cheeks lit up scarlet.

“…Right.”

Coming from her, this was actually a fairly confident response. Kind of anticlimactic, actually. Then I heard footsteps approaching from behind me and hastily pulled my hand away.

“Hello there!”

For some reason, my mother had decided to say hi to Adachi too. I gestured for her to get lost, but she grabbed me by the face and pushed me away.

“I see you’re here pretty early. Did you eat breakfast?”

Talking to my mom always made Adachi tense…or maybe that was my fault.

“Oh, no, I never eat breakfast…”

“Well, then, that works out perfectly. Come on in and eat something.”

“Huh?!”

Without waiting for her answer, my mother grabbed her by the arm and dragged her inside. “You come along too,” she added, beckoning to me.

“Yes, Mom,” I sighed. As the door swung shut, I glanced outside one last time. “You know we have plenty of time still, right?”

Why is everyone in such a rush all the time?

I followed them into the kitchen. My sister was still asleep, but Yashiro was present and accounted for, eating a plate of cabbage piled high with miso sauce at the ready nearby. “What a wonderful morning!” she announced as we entered.

“Really now?” I guess every morning’s a “wonderful morning” when you get to waltz into someone else’s house and eat their food free of charge.

“Ah, if it isn’t Shimamura-san and Adachi-san.” She was like a cow vigorously chewing her cud, and yet her voice wasn’t muffled at all. Almost like she didn’t use her mouth to talk… Pretty suspicious if you asked me. But then again, everything about her was suspicious, so it didn’t matter much.

“Good morning,” I greeted her as I sat down in the chair next to her.

She offered me her plate. “Would you like some?”

“No, that’s okay,” I declined. She promptly went back to chomping her cabbage.

Of course, I knew full well that she’d help herself to a serving of our breakfast too. Maybe she had the metabolism of a little mouse, so she needed to eat something at all hours of the day. That being said, how on earth did she convince my mother to serve her shredded cabbage for breakfast? Not that I expected either of them to pay any mind to societal conventions, but still. It was a total mystery.

Adachi’s gaze wandered around the table in search of a place to sit. “You can just sit there,” I told her, gesturing to my father’s usual spot. Like everyone else in my family, he was an early bird, so he was already at work.

Seriously, I keep trying to go to bed early… Where am I going wrong?

With her eyes locked on mine, Adachi slowly lowered herself into my father’s chair, perching at the very edge like a total awkward nerd. Not that anyone here really minded.

“It seems we’ve got a full house this morning!” Yashiro exclaimed cheerfully.

“You can say that again. Ha ha ha!” my mother responded as she set plates down in front of us. “Today’s a short day, so I figure you won’t need more than toast.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“Adachi-chan, which do you prefer: butter or strawberry jam?” my mother called from the fridge, holding up the two condiments in question.

Adachi looked from one to the other. “Oh, no, I… I mean, jam’s fine.”

She was totally going to decline both, but then decided it’d be rude and changed her answer. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.

My mother pulled a slice of bread from the bag and put it on Adachi’s plate, then set the jam jar down on the table nearby. “There you go.”

“Th-thank you, ma’am,” Adachi replied, avoiding eye contact. It was obvious she didn’t have much experience interacting with anyone’s mother, least of all mine. I could see her legs jiggling anxiously under the table; stiffly, she reached out and spread a paper-thin layer of jam onto the bread. Oh, come on.

“You can put as much as you want, you know. Like that,” my mother told her, pointing at Yashiro, who was pouring miso sauce on her cabbage.

“Condiments make food taste better,” Yashiro announced matter-of-factly, then started crunching like a cow again. Eh, forget about her.

Adachi picked up her toast and took a tiny bite, her eyes busily darting to and fro. Why was she eating breakfast with us anyway? It was so surreal—I was baffled. But of course, my mother didn’t care one bit. She dropped a slice of bread onto my plate too, almost as an afterthought. “Here, eat up.”

“Not gonna ask me if I want jam or butter?”

“Not like you care.”

That’s not true, you jerk!

I waffled for a moment, then settled on butter. Meanwhile, she sat at the table and watched Adachi eat. “Hmmm…”

Unsurprisingly, Adachi started to choke on her food like she’d forgotten how to swallow. Then it occurred to me that I’d never seen her actually enjoy anything she ate. She never had much of an appetite. Maybe that was why she didn’t really seem alive, except in the literal sense. How could I get her to eat with a smile…?

My mother, meanwhile, was still acting like a total weirdo, crouching low against the table so she could get a look at Adachi’s face from below. “Hmmmmmm…”

“Nnngh…”

“Uh, Mom, you’re really bothering us right now,” I snapped at her.

“Hah!”

She blew me off with a laugh. Seriously, who does that? I was both annoyed and impressed at the same time.

“So you came to pick up ol’ Sleeping Beauty?”

“What did you just call me…?”

“Uh, yes, ma’am…”

Hello?! Don’t just ignore me!

“Well, you sure showed up early. Were you that excited to see her?”

“Oh… Sorry, Shimamura. Did I wake you?” Her eyes drifted from my bedhead to my PJs as she donned a guilty frown.

“Meh, don’t feel bad about her. She would sleep 24/7 if we let her.”

“She was asking me, not you!”

By this point, I was too tired to argue. Not like my mother was going to listen… But just then, she smiled at me. “You’ve made a good friend for once.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Except she’s actually my girlfriend.

If I actually said that part out loud, would she have a heart attack? Or would she be cool with it? I rolled my eyes at myself. Ugh, who am I kidding? No way.

Then I noticed Yashiro staring pointedly at my hands, a cabbage shred dangling from her lips. A beat later, I realized she was actually staring at my toast. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what she wanted.

“Here.”

I tore off a piece of buttered bread and offered it to her. Sure enough, she leaned in and chomped. Am I crazy, or did she stretch her neck way farther than humanly possible? Eh, must’ve been seeing things. After she devoured the bread, she offered me her veggies. “In return, you may help yourself to my cabbage.”

“Pass.”

She ignored me and sprinkled her miso cabbage directly onto the rest of my bread. Now it was…uh…miso butter cabbage toast. Or a miso cutlet sandwich, minus the cutlet. I didn’t appreciate this, but decided to taste it anyway.

“Hmmm… Not that weird, I guess.” But I also wasn’t ten years old, so it wasn’t the kind of thing I would choose to eat on purpose. “Huh?”

Just then, I noticed Adachi staring at me from behind her toast, her expression less than favorable, and I had a feeling I knew why.

“Trade you a bite?”

“Sure.”

I could practically see the light bulb appear over her head. Evidently, I had guessed correctly. We each tore off a piece, then set it on the other’s plate.

Nom nom. “Hm.” I could barely taste the jam at all.

After we ate, there was still some time before we needed to leave. But my kid sister was asleep in our bedroom, so I left Yashiro the mouse to the rest of her cabbage and led Adachi upstairs.

“Sorry, but it’s gonna be hot up here.”

She nodded in understanding, her ears as pink as the thin layer of strawberry jam. But she seemed nervous for some reason, and I was mildly concerned she might switch back to Robot Mode. If only her social skills were as developed as her gross motor skills.

We walked into the study room, and Adachi promptly knelt down on the floor, her pointer finger restlessly tracing her knee. Now she looked like a little kid who got caught misbehaving. Oh, what am I gonna do with you? To combat the heat, I pulled out the electric fan and switched it on.

Just then, she bowed to me deeply. “I…I’m looking forward to this!”

I nearly bowed back, but caught myself. “We already did this part earlier.”

“Well, we have to do it again!”

She sounded so insistent, I ended up buying into it. “Uhh…okay…?” I guess these formalities are important, or something.

“It just…um…really means a lot, and…”

She stumbled over her words as the fan’s breeze tousled her hair. I could only imagine how hard she was fighting to express herself to me. “Yeah?” I asked, prompting her to continue.

Trembling, she hung her head like a sad puppy. If I had to guess, no amount of careful planning would help her speak coherently. She lacked experience in every category, and it was possibly too late to bridge that gap. But the words that did make it through her rigorous screening process always touched my heart. Perfection was by no means required.

“I…I’ll do my best!”

In the end, she skipped over all the careful agonizing and finished with a declaration that was just…so very Adachi. It really put a smile on my face. Somehow I knew more or less exactly what she was trying to say. This was an important relationship for the both of us.

So I knelt down, pressed my palms to the floor, and bowed humbly.

“I’m looking forward to this too.”

It felt weird to say, but also oddly fulfilling. Maybe it would be fun to let myself buy into the illusion of it all.

 

***

 

Before long, it came time to head to school.

“Are you gonna skip school again?” asked my sister.

“I shall await my souvenir in the form of donuts!” exclaimed Yashiro.

“No to both of you,” I replied.

Adachi had already bolted out of the house; I stepped outside and found her waiting dutifully with her bike, which she promptly dragged over. Sideways.

“Can I put my bag in the basket?”

“Oh, sure.” She hastily removed her own. We can both share, you know, I thought with a wry smirk as I placed both of our bookbags into the basket.

With nothing to carry, I started walking. Two steps later, however, I realized Adachi hadn’t started pedaling. Confused, I looked back at her.

She wiggled her rear tire. “Do you wanna…?”

“Ride on the back?”

“Uh, yeah… I-I’m gonna pedal real hard! Ha ha…” She was trying to make a joke, but her timing was off, and it didn’t land. Still, I didn’t really mind.

And so I dropped all pretense of being an honor student and hopped on the back of her bike. With my feet on her rear axle and my hands on her shoulders, it felt like I’d gone back in time…except her shoulders weren’t as stiff back then.

“You sure you’re not out of shape after that long vacation?”

“Well, uh… No, it’s okay! You’re not that heavy! Heh…heh heh…”

I could tell she was trying to be considerate, and I would have given her full marks if only she hadn’t stumbled at the start.

“Hee hee hee…”

“Heh heh heh…”

And so off we went, wind and sunshine in our faces. Today marked the start of the second semester, and the two of us were starting it together. The bike soared down the street, carrying twice its usual load. As long as we maintained our balance, it’d be smooth sailing all the way to the school building.

I could get used to this. Maybe she could pick me up every day… Then again, I couldn’t make Adachi be my chauffeur all the time. After all, she was my girlfriend. It just wasn’t right, you know?

“Hmmmm…”

So far, nothing between us felt very different at all. Surely something was supposed to change now that we were dating, right? As Adachi steered the bike, I zoned out and gave it some thought. It was a complicated question, to be sure, and it wasn’t easy to always be perfectly mindful of these things. Truth be told, very few of my relationships were ever more than superficial…so how was I meant to treat my girlfriend?

I mulled it over all the way to school. As a result, I forgot to hop off before we passed through the front gates, but luckily, we made it to the bike parking area without getting scolded by any teachers. Then we slowed to a stop, and I stepped off. But right as I straightened up, an idea occurred to me.

“Shimamura?”

I peeled Adachi’s slender fingers off the handlebar and gazed down at them. “Sakura,” I called experimentally.

Her eyes widened, and she froze. Then she recoiled so sharply, you’d think somebody hit her. Her shoulders shook, and I could hear her sputtering as she hid her face in her arms—was she coughing? Suppressing the desire to tickle her unguarded armpits, I waited for her to recover.

Good thing no other students came to park their bikes. An outside observer would totally think I punched her in the face.

“Uh…you okay, sweetie?”

She was coughing like her favorite mineral water had gone down the wrong pipe, and I was starting to feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have sprung it on her out of nowhere…but then again, if I asked in advance, it wouldn’t have any emotional impact. What was more important: romance or my girlfriend’s well-being?

Hm. This is complicated.

Meanwhile, she finally recovered. Tears had sprung to her eyes—from the pain, I had to assume—and those damp doe eyes made me flustered in return.

“I’m really sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she sniffled. Girl, if you’re dripping snot everywhere, then this is clearly not fine.

She reached out and timidly ran her finger over my palm, almost like she was practicing the alphabet. It was very tickly. Then she looked up at me and said…

“H-Hougetsu.”

“That’s me,” I answered with a bright smile. She hunched her shoulders and blushed. Like a shy little Adachi turtle.

“Doesn’t really roll off the tongue.”

“Tell me about it.”

Nobody named their kid Hougetsu these days. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like if she started calling me that all the time.

“Sorry, Shimamura, but I really think Shimamura fits the best.”

“Yeah, maybe so.” It was certainly what I was used to being called. And likewise—to me, she was just Adachi.

Obviously, we couldn’t stand around here forever, so I started walking, but our hands were still linked. Confused, I looked at her—but she blinked back at me too. Maybe she didn’t consciously realize she’d laced her fingers with mine.

For some reason, she always got so fidgety whenever I looked at her… Was I really that intimidating? No, that’s not it. Knowing her, it was probably the whole concept of dating that was intimidating.

“H-Hou-chan?” Adachi croaked stiffly, trying out a new nickname.

“Wow. No one’s ever called me that.”

“Then what about, like…Shima-chan, or something?”

“Urk…!”

At the very least, it was clear she was trying to be considerate of my comfort level, and I quietly applauded her efforts.

We had arrived at school early, so no one else was wandering the halls. As a result, we ended up holding hands all the way to the classroom door. But as one might expect, we couldn’t exactly waltz into the classroom hand in hand, so this was where I pulled away.

Of course, instead of kowtowing to cultural norms, I did have the option of taking a defiant stance in direct opposition to society. But I wasn’t sure we could survive with the whole world against us. Well, actually, we probably could, but… Hmm. It just doesn’t feel right. Eh, whatever.

Adachi smiled back at me longingly, then made a request in exchange: “Could you say it one more time?”

“Say what?”

“My name…”

She stared down at the floor, forgetting to even blink. Without even touching her, I could tell that her heart was pounding. Truth be told, I was a tiny bit jealous. I wished it felt real for me too, but it didn’t yet.

“Sakura,” I called, just as requested.

As if on cue, her cheeks flushed an apt shade of cherry-blossom pink. But she seemed to be adapting to it, because this time, she didn’t sputter.

 

***

 

After everything that had happened this morning, plus the mild sleep deprivation, I found myself nodding off during the entrance ceremony.

“Blegh…”

The next thing I knew, the day was over. I packed my bookbag and contemplated going home to take a nap. Come to think of it, Gon was always taking naps too… Maybe I’m a little old grandma already, I thought to myself with a chuckle.

Speaking of grandmothers, mine sent me emails every now and then, usually with photos of Gon attached. Sometimes they were normal and sometimes they were weird; nevertheless, every time I opened one, I felt emotions spiral in my heart. Not all of them were positive, but I could tell they were strong. This change scared me—a chill ran down my spine, and I could feel an incomprehensible sensation in my gut, like mild nausea.

“Blegh.”

Time to go home.

Just then, I noticed a shadow hovering over my desk. I looked up and found Adachi standing beside me. She tugged gently on my shirt sleeve, reminiscent of the way my little sister acted whenever we were in public. “Can…can we leave school together?”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” Though it’ll only last until we reach the front gates.

“Wh-what I mean is…I’ll take you home.”

“Oh…?”

“Well, because you’re m-my gir—”

“Right! Okay, then! Let’s go!” Planting my hands on her shoulders, I steered her out into the hall before she could make an accidental proclamation right there in the middle of the classroom. I swear, she’s such a handful.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Adachi looked a little flustered, but seemed to be enjoying our spontaneous two-person conga line. She was smiling, albeit stiffly.

Jeez, why is she so bad at smiling? I guess she hasn’t had much practice… Maybe I should try to make her smile…? I eyed the loose-fitting sleeves of her summer uniform and briefly contemplated tickling her armpits, but decided that wouldn’t count. Gosh, her arms sure are pale. It’s like she skipped summer altogether.

Outside the school building, I could see a petite girl and a curvy girl walking just up ahead. They heard us walk out and turned to look.

“Hey there, Shima-chee and Ada-chee!”

“Chee!”

Would it kill you to try a little harder, Nagafuji?

“Chee,” I replied, testing it out. Oddly enough, it was actually kind of perfect—just the right amount of friendliness without too much effort. It was a fun little in-joke.

Nagafuji hadn’t changed since the last time I saw her, but Hino was tanned to a crisp, just like my sister. Apparently, the sunshine in Hawaii was just as effective as ours.

“I see you don’t have much of a tan. What’d you do over summer break?”

“Eh, the usual. Homework.”

“Hah! Good one.”

Wow, Hino doesn’t even believe me.

If I looked them in the eye and told them I got myself a girlfriend, Hino would surely flip out. Nagafuji, though? She’d probably start clapping. Honestly, was there anything that could throw her for a loop? She was always as cool as a cucumber.

“Oh, that reminds me, Shimamura-cheechee.”

“Hold the ‘chees,’ Hino. What’s up?”

“Your mom came by Nagafuji’s store yesterday.”

“Yeah, I know.” Because she served their croquettes at dinner. “But how do you know that?” Not like it’s your house.

At this, Nagafuji chuckled smugly and adjusted her glasses. “Did you get potatoes stuck in your teeth?”

“…What exactly are you hoping I’ll say to that…?”

Weirdo. I smiled in spite of myself. Then I noticed Adachi hadn’t said anything, so I looked over, and our eyes met. Unsurprisingly—unsurprisingly?!—she wasn’t smiling even a little. I tried waving my hand in front of her face. She grabbed me by the wrist and started dragging me off.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Hino and Nagafuji stared after us in surprise but were otherwise understanding. “See you around!”

“Smell you later!”

Ah, a vintage pop culture reference. I waved goodbye, and we parted ways.

Adachi dragged me all the way to the bike parking area without looking back. When I timidly peered at her to find out if she was upset, I saw that her gaze was darting around awkwardly. She seemed to recognize that she was acting out of line but had committed herself to doing it anyway; I looked around at the bikes, then up at the sky. I think I might know what’s going on here.

“Uhhh… Are you jealous?” Because I was talking to other girls?

She shook her head vigorously.

“Ada-chee?”

“No I’m not-chee!”

The look on your face says you are-chee. I chuckled in mild exasperation, but then she whirled around to face me, her hands clenched into fists. Whoa. I recoiled slightly.

“I’m not jealous…but…” A streak of pink ran across her cheeks as she pouted her lips like a sulking child. “You’re not allowed to…to cheat on me.”

“What? That? That counts as cheating?”

She nodded slightly. “Because you’re…m-my girlfriend…”

“That’s true.” And Adachi was my girlfriend. So complicated. “Okay, well, I think your expectations might be a little too strict…”

“No, they’re not!” She shouted so firmly, she made the peeling paint on the bike rack flutter. I felt my smile harden. Then Adachi realized she had bared her fangs at me and slowly shrank into herself once more. “I…I respectfully disagree.”

Now she was back to being her usual “fearful squirrel” self. Again, her shoulders were so hunched, you’d think I punched her in the face. But there was no undoing what had happened, and I could feel people starting to stare. That, however, was something I was willing to set aside for now.

“Okay, then…” I trailed off awkwardly. Then I reached out and squished her cheeks.

“Whpphh?!”

She looked at me in alarm, but I kept on squishing. Her skin was nice and cool at first, but over time, it started to heat up. Next, I stretched her cheeks out as far as they would go.

“Hhhmmrra?!”

If I had to guess, she was probably calling my name. Maybe.

“Hmmmm…”

I pretended to think long and hard while I squished and squeezed. This was my way of wrecking the tension. And since I was making an effort to cheer her up, maybe I was acting like a proper boyfriend… Wait, why should I have to be a “boyfriend” at all?

This did nothing to solve the actual problem, but it achieved my short-term goal. It was the best I could do for today. Hopefully, Future Me could take it from here.

 

***

 

And so the second semester officially began. This marked the end of 24/7 bedtime (in other words, my escape from the daily alarm clock), and the fireworks had fizzled out. From now on, every Monday, I would embark on a long journey to the upcoming weekend.

That holy Saturday afternoon, I was eating a sandwich and watching TV when they aired an interview about a girl my age. I was only half-paying attention, so I missed some of the details, but apparently she performed extra well in her extracurricular activity. She eagerly explained to the camera that she viewed her time in high school as an opportunity to better herself, and she was excited to see her hard work paying off.

“I guess not all teenagers are as lazy as you,” my mother snarked as she walked by carrying the laundry.

Yes, Mother, I’m aware that I’m lazy. Hmph.

“But das okie, ’cuz I wuv my wazy wittle Hougetsu-chan!”

“Mom, you’re digging your chin into my scalp. It hurts.”

And so, stealing a quick bite of my sandwich, she walked off. Apparently, that was her primary target right from the start. I took another bite and went back to watching TV, but the interview had already ended.

“An opportunity to better myself, huh…?”

It certainly sounded empowering…but I was already at my limits just dragging my beaten carcass from one day to the next. How had I spent my time thus far, and what would I invest it in going forward? It was Adachi who held the answer to that, not me.

“My dear, jealous girlfriend… Ha ha ha…”

It wasn’t really anything to laugh about. Especially if things got any worse. Ha ha.

Adachi loved me and all, but what she wanted wasn’t touchy-feely kissy stuff. I got the sense that she just wanted to feel special. Probably because no one else in her life ever treated her that way. That much I understood…and yet…if she kept trying to tie me down so tightly, I was going to turn into a boneless ham. And she was going to gobble me up.

“Eeek… Scary…” Nom, nom.

“Oh, hello, Shimamura-san!”

Then Yashiro came toddling into the room. This carefree kid didn’t have a single thing holding her down—no worries, no gravity, and no ulterior motives. Lately, I was starting to envy her.

“Ooh! I see you’re eating something marvelous.” Her eyes went straight to my food. “And that was the day I learned about egg salad sandwiches…”

For some reason she was narrating aloud, all the while waiting beside me with a hopeful grin. But what I found funny—or rather, interesting—was the fact that if I chose not to share my sandwich, she wouldn’t get mad at me. The last time I turned her down for whatever reason, all she said to me was “What a crying shame indeed!” and then she skipped off somewhere. She didn’t hold it against me later either.

Maybe this was to be expected, considering she was just a mooch at our house, but to me, it was an impressive feat to take disappointment on the nose and shrug it off without complaint. Kids vented their anger outwardly, adults learned healthy coping mechanisms, and those of us caught in the middle simply bottled it up. But Yashiro didn’t fit in any of those boxes. She remained unaffected, like a glacier from the Ice Age.

“Here.” I offered her the rest of my sandwich.

“Woohoo!” She gleefully pounced and started chomping. Would Adachi count this as cheating too? I was basically just feeding a stray… Oh, so that’s why we can never get rid of her. I had made a careless mistake, and now it was too late.

“You really savor your food, don’t you?”

“Af crrsh ah ddh.”

“Settle down, now. Don’t bite my fingers off.”

She seemed too perfect to be real, both inside and out. Where on earth did this innocent little creature come from?

“Say, have you ever felt jealous?”

“Personally, I prefer jam to jelly.”

“Ha ha ha…” Of course.

In the end, she ate every last bite of my sandwich.

“Hmmm… Guess I’ll give it a try.”

“Huh?”

As she savored the aftertaste, I left her behind and went to fetch my phone. In the bedroom, I found my sister diligently working on her homework.

“You’re being so responsible! I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, well, not all of us are like you, Nee-chan.”

“Oh, really?”

“Gyaaah!”

After I tormented my bratty sister’s plump cheeks, I dialed Ada-chee’s number. It barely rang once before she answered, which was impressive. If she was a contestant on a game show, she’d probably be real good at buzzing in.

“Hello?!”

“You don’t have to run to the phone,” I scolded her. I could tell from her breathy voice that she had probably leapt all the way across the room. She was just so obvious.

“Well, it’s just… It’s not every day that you call me, so…”

Frankly, her ability to adapt to unexpected situations was nothing to sneeze at. “Is it really that uncommon?”

“Uh, yeah?” Her voice sounded ever so faintly pouty, and I quickly realized this was not a subject I should attempt to broach.

“Well, you see, Adachi-san…”

“Yeah?!”

I could hear the anticipation in her tone, like she was hoping I might ask her to hang out. I wasn’t opposed to it, of course, but that was hardly anything new for us, and I felt it was time we started taking baby steps into uncharted territory.

“Would you wanna make lunch for each other?”

“Huh?”

“I was thinking I could pack a lunch for you, and you could pack a lunch for me.”

See? Girlfriend stuff, am I right? Honestly, I considered just surprising her with it, but Adachi didn’t handle surprises too well. If she started sputtering in the classroom, we’d attract unwanted attention. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair if I was the only one who had to make something. We’re both girlfriends, after all.

“You’re…going to cook for me…?” she asked in a watery voice. “That sounds great… Yeah, really great.”

She seemed to like this suggestion even more than I expected. I was thinking it was maybe a bit too simplistic, but apparently not.

“So…you’re going to make something for me?” she pressed.

“I will. But don’t forget, you have to make something too, missy!”

“Yeah…yeah…” With a response like that, it was hard to say whether she was actually listening. “But…can you even cook, Shimamura?”

“Ha ha ha!” Sure, I can play it your way. “Can you?”

Granted, I knew she worked at a Chinese restaurant, but as far as I knew, she was just a waitress.

“Well, uh…I’ve made chocolate before…”

“Whoa.” Personally, I couldn’t say the same, and it sounded pretty impressive. Come to think of it, didn’t she send me pictures of chocolates last February? Was that what she was talking about?

“I…I’m sure it’ll be fine. For both of us. Even if your food doesn’t turn out perfect, I’ll still eat it, Shimamura.”

“Very reassuring, thank you.”

Frankly, I wasn’t planning to try too hard, so I wasn’t worried about anything catastrophic happening. Having successfully made plans with her, I ended the call.

“Now then…” I walked down the hall, thinking of things I could feasibly make, and peeked into the living room. “Ah, there we go.”

“I beg your pardon?”

I took one look at Yashiro lounging on the floor and immediately thought of sandwiches. Perfect. Rather than flying too close to the sun and getting burned, I was better off sticking to something simple that I could reasonably manage. If I had to guess, what mattered most to Adachi was that I made something for her by hand.

“Are you available, Shimamura-san?” Yashiro slithered over to my feet like a snake, her eyes sparkling hopefully up at me from the floor.

“Go play with my sister.”

“Little is busy with her homework.”

“Oh, that’s right… Okay, then, why not read some manga?”

I was free earlier, but now I was busy. Busy with Adachi. And for better or for worse, this was only going to happen more often from now on.

“You make a good point. It couldn’t hurt to brush up on my language skills,” she nodded. That wasn’t why I suggested it, but okay.

We had so much manga in this house, everything that couldn’t fit on the bookshelf was packed into a cardboard box. When I handed her a few volumes, she raised them over her head and ran off to find my sister in our bedroom. Such good friends, those two.

Was it Yashiro’s carefree personality that helped my shy sister open up? Part of me wanted to take a page out of her book, but at the same time, it felt like too little, too late. I wasn’t a kid anymore; I had already grown into a defective teenager. And with every passing year, it became harder and harder to follow my heart when there were so many rules, obligations, and expectations to follow instead.

“It’s important to review your textbooks, after all…”

Growing up, we were supposed to learn the importance of understanding others and doing for others. And right now, I wanted to test it out for myself.

 

***

 

The purpose of having days off was to give the body a chance to rest. People achieved this in a variety of ways; some rested physically, while others ran around freely and gave their minds a rest instead. So while other people saw me as a sleepy little sloth, in actuality, I was just a strong proponent of “self-care” or whatever. So I ignored the rising sun and sank deeply back to sleep. I wanted to lose myself to the passage of time.

“Geddup!”

“Guh!”

Just like that, the blanket was ripped—or peeled?—away, yanking me out of sleep’s embrace. I could understand if it was a weekday, but why, pray tell, couldn’t I sleep in on a weekend? I blinked at my mother in drowsy confusion. She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at the open door.

“Ugh…” I craned my neck to look out at the hallway. Nothing was there except bright sunshine.

“You’ve got a visitor.”

“A visitor…?”

I left the darkness afforded by my blackout curtains and staggered out into the hall, still in my PJs. The sunshine streamed into my eyes until I couldn’t see a thing. As I approached the front door, however, my mind sharpened enough to realize who this “visitor” probably was.

Sure enough, when I opened the door, Adachi was standing there, carrying a huge bag of stuff. On a Sunday.

“…Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.”

This was a sneak attack, and I was not prepared. I could guess why she was here, but…why was her bag so big?

“When I said ‘make lunches for each other,’ I meant, like…at school…on Monday or something.” Did she think I meant we were going on a picnic? Hmmm.

Incidentally, her shirt read LOVE BITES.

Indeed it does. And so does your sense of timing.

“I haven’t even made anything for you yet.”

“Oh, no, no! This is, uh, practice!”

“Practice?”

“And research. I wanna find out what you think about this stuff.”

The straps digging into her shoulders told me everything I needed to know. “Classic Adachi…” Cautious, yet proactive.

The lid of her thermos glinted dully in the sun as it peeked out from inside the overstuffed bag. What on earth had she made for me? I had already eaten breakfast, but I was still curious.

“Well, at least this way we’ll be able to eat in peace, I guess.” She would probably feel more comfortable in private, anyway. I bit back a yawn. “Come on in.”

Dating Adachi naturally meant more social activity. This applied to weekends as well as weekdays, steadily eroding my sleep time…and as someone who only felt at peace when I was asleep, I didn’t entirely approve. But as I gazed into Adachi’s giddy eyes, I found myself swayed. Eh, why not?

“Welcome,” my mother greeted as she swept the hallway. She glanced at Adachi’s giant bag and cocked her head. “Are you here for another bath?”

“Wha…?! No, I…”

“She packed a lunch and invited me to eat some.”

“Here? Why?”

Adachi turned pink.

Then my mother looked at me. “Interesting friendship you’ve got here.”

“Yeah, I guess.” That was certainly the most optimistic way of interpreting Adachi’s unpredictable behavior.

“Packed a lunch… Now that takes me back! I haven’t packed a lunch for you in like a year or something, huh?” My mother laughed cheerfully. Is that something you should be proud of, Mom?

“You could always start up again,” I suggested. Not like I asked her to stop.

“Noooo!” she pouted childishly. I ignored her and headed up the stairs.

“You really take after your mom, huh, Shimamura?” Adachi commented as she followed suit.

“I do?” I ran a hand over my cheekbones and nose. I guess so. “Well, at least I’m not as weird as her on the inside.”

“You sure?”

“What? What was that?”

“Nothing!” For once, her tone was firm.

And so I invited her into the study room. We ventilated this room all the time, so how did it always get so dusty overnight? Where did it all come from? I vaguely remembered learning about it in school, but then they said it wouldn’t be on the test, so I promptly forgot. Bad habit of mine.

We sat down at the kotatsu table, still draped in a heavy winter blanket in the middle of summer. Then Adachi lowered her big bag to the floor. How much food is even in there? I wondered, mildly concerned.

“Here.” Nervously, she pushed something in my direction.

“Okay…”

I took it. Admittedly, a single dish in a Tupperware container didn’t really feel like a “packed lunch” to me. Wait, but if this is the only food she made, then what else is in the bag…? Meh, whatever. I popped the lid. Inside was something flat and golden brown.

“Is this…an okonomiyaki pancake?” With my chopsticks, I pulled out a piece of green onion that was peeking out.

“I’ve made them at work before.”

“You made Japanese food…at the Chinese restaurant?”

“Yeah.”

NANI?!

I used my sticks to chop it up. Get it? Because they’re chopsti—never mind. Then I lifted it up—and found another pancake underneath. Well, okay. I can probably eat two.

“Did you want more than that?” She pulled her bag over, and I had a bad feeling I knew what was coming.

“No, no, I don’t think I could eat more than two!”

“Oh.” She pushed her bag away again. Good grief, how much is in there? Then she pulled out her thermos and poured us some tea.

With everything set up on the table, it reminded me of the days I used to play house as a kid. I would always get bored after five minutes and run off…so I guess I didn’t really “play house” at all.

“Here.”

“Okay.”

This was identical to our earlier exchange. I found myself rolling my sleeves up, even though they weren’t that long to begin with. It was my first time eating a classmate’s home cooking, and the thrill of the unknown made my heart race. I pressed my hands together to say grace. Then I reached out, plucked a piece with my chopsticks, and brought it to my mouth. Nom, nom.

Since Adachi was watching my every move, I wasn’t confident I’d be able to swallow, but managed it nonetheless. Then I met her fearful gaze. It felt like her anxiety was contagious.

“Do you want me to be honest, or should I just be nice?” Inadvertently, it sounded like I was calling the food gross.

“How about…s-somewhere in the middle…?”

Somewhere in the middle, hmm? “Well…it’s cold.”

“Oh, uh…!” Hastily, she grabbed her bag and pulled out a ton of identical Tupperware containers. Ugh, I knew it! I totally knew it! She felt all the containers in turn, then chose one. “Um, I think these ones are a little warmer.”

I opened its lid for a taste-test. “Yeah, this one’s good.”

Fried food just didn’t taste the same after it went cold, but this one was much better. Dang, she can really cook, I thought to myself, mildly impressed. My only critique was the, uh, portion size. Just when I was starting to wonder who was going to have to eat all the rest, she sidled over to me.

“Adachi?”

“Ahhh…”

She moaned sensually—just kidding. She opened her mouth. I had a feeling I knew what she was asking for, so I grabbed a piece of okonomiyaki in my chopsticks…but before I fed her, I peeked into her open mouth. It was a rare sight, after all. Ooh, her gums are bright pink. Or maybe it was just the contrast with her pearly white teeth.

“Um…can you hurry up…?”

“You’ve got green onion in your teeth.”

She clacked her teeth together, urging me to get on with it. I didn’t want her to bite me if I messed around too much, so I acquiesced. But where to put it? Onto her tongue? As I gingerly slid it into her mouth, her tongue curled around the bite of food. Mission successful! I pulled my chopsticks away.

“How is it?” Wait, but I didn’t cook this!

“Good.”

For some reason, she looked really satisfied. Though her gaze was averted, she couldn’t fully conceal her smile. Sure, it was an odd lunch, but if it made us both happy, then what was the harm?

“Now it’s my turn.”

As she spoke, she reached out to take my chopsticks—but just then, my phone started to ring from the corner of the table where I left it. But if Adachi was here, then who could be calling…?

Oh, right. Tarumi. I forgot.

“Whoops! I’m getting a call!” Casually, I grabbed my phone. Sure enough, it was Tarumi. “Just a sec, okay?”

But Adachi didn’t respond—she just stared at me intently. Good grief. I left the room and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hey there, Shima-chan!” I hadn’t heard Tarumi’s voice in ages—since I declined her festival invitation. “Uhhh, so…good morning.”

“Good morning!” I answered as I walked down the stairs.

“I’ll cut to the chase. Are you free right now?”

“Wellllll…” Then I heard a soft sound over my shoulder. “One sec, okay?”

“Huh?”

I headed back up the stairs and hissed, “Hey!”

There was a startled rustle, as if I’d tossed a rock into a still lake. After a moment, the door opened, and Adachi slowly revealed herself. Like a child caught misbehaving, she looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes. “But…”

“No buts, missy!” I lightly karate-chopped her on the head. The shadow of my hand fell across her side part. “Look, you don’t have to be all sneaky, you know.”

“Huh? You mean like…I should eavesdrop right next to you?”

“No, that’s not what I mean!” How do I explain it…? Maybe it’d be better to express it through actions… I get the general gist of what she wants, so… Okay, let’s do it.

I combed her bangs up and planted a kiss on her forehead. I could feel a slight depression against my lips. Sheesh, she’s so skinny.

When I pulled away, she remained frozen in place, kneeling and recoiling. As for her face… Well, it wasn’t much different from the usual. Bright red like a strawberry.

“You’re the only person I do these things with.” At the moment, anyway. When was the last time I kissed anybody’s forehead? I used to kiss my sister back when she was in diapers, and since she and Adachi were similar, I figured it would be effective.

In actuality, however, it was perhaps a little too effective.

“Believe me now?”

At my question, she shrank back and nodded, twice.

Good. I shooed her back into the study room. “This won’t take long.”

She nodded in understanding, then retreated back into the room like an injured bird scrambling to safety. It reminded me of that night at the festival.

“Shima-chan?”

I resumed the phone call. “Sorry. I’ve got a friend over at my house right now.”

“Oh…I see. Then I guess I should…call back later?”

“Uhhh…yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Sorry.” The apology felt dry and tasteless on my tongue.

“Okay, talk to you later…”

“Bye…”

One step forward, two steps back. As a faint hint of awkwardness returned to the air, I ended the call and quietly despised myself for, even briefly, thinking of a girl who was supposed to be my friend as annoying.

“Nope. I need to stop that.” I scratched my head, scolding myself. “Ugh, I hate this.” I hated feeling like I was an unfeeling monster. “But…I guess I am.”

With my muted emotions, perhaps “unfeeling” was the most apt way to describe me. With limited emotional range, my ability to care was shallow at most—pleasant and light-hearted at a surface level, but with absolutely no depth. That was why, every now and then when I did find myself full of emotion, it ripped a hole in me. My heart was as flimsy as a goldfish scoop.

In my grandma’s eyes, I was witty, beautiful, and fair-minded…or something like that. But when it came to Adachi, being impartial probably wasn’t the right move. She was my girlfriend, after all; I was allowed—no, expected—to be a little biased in her favor. But if I let myself do that, then my scant few emotions would all lean to one side. Someone would inevitably get hurt. Even if that imbalance made me uncomfortable, my only option was to overcome it.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure this new mindset was going to stick. I’d have to make a conscious effort.

The flow of power was dictated by position, and the relationship between two positions would inevitably create feelings. Take my mother, for example: if she wasn’t my mother, then I’d only think of her as an obnoxious adult woman. Therefore, now that Adachi was my girlfriend, something about my behavior needed to change. I just needed to figure out what that “something” was.

I went back into the study room, where Adachi sat cross-legged on the floor, gingerly rubbing her forehead. When she saw me walk in, she hastily lowered her hand. What, did I get some spit on you? I don’t have cooties, you know.

When I sat down, for some reason, she got up. I looked up at her in confusion. Then she inserted herself in the gap between me and the table. Unfortunately, this was not refreshing in the least. A mass of heat had now propped itself up against me. Experimentally, I touched a finger to her bicep. Yep, she was practically on fire.

“You’re such a needy little baby,” I sighed.

“Is that a problem?” she asked in a pouty voice.

She only ever acted like this on rare occasions. I didn’t mind it in theory, but in a closed-off space, it was sweltering… Of course, knowing her, she probably preferred it this way. Here between my legs, she had found a place to belong.

Using my chopsticks, I took a few more bites of okonomiyaki, pausing now and then to give some to Adachi. It wasn’t easy to eat in this position, but I found myself thinking it made for an interesting change of pace. It reminded me of the time I used to spend with Gon in my lap.

Oh, Adachi, you’re such a little puppy dog. Her eyes and mouth quivered, and the hand she had placed on my leg started to shake.

“Sh-Shimamura…I love you…!” she squeaked out shakily. Her struggle was heartwarming.

“Why, thank you.”

She was the first person outside of my own family to feel so strongly about me, and quite possibly, she would be the last. Someday, I would feel grateful that it was her.

Not today, but…someday.

I could only pray that I would soon learn to cherish every second with her…and that I wouldn’t need more than a moment’s respite in between.