Chapter 4: Courage and Friendship

Chapter 4:
Courage and Friendship

H OW LONG HAD IT BEEN since I last heard Adachi’s voice? This was quite possibly the first time she’d spoken aloud in the classroom since we moved up a grade.

At the sound of my name, I looked up to find her standing next to me, her nose and lips looking tense and rigid. As usual, she moved like a rusty robot in need of grease, to the point that I wondered whether her joints creaked. Just looking at her made me uncomfortable.

So you WERE at school today. I’ll bet you were in the loft, like I suspected.

Next to me, the Trio all stopped eating and stared up in confusion at the intruder.

“Can I sit next to you?” she asked me.

I didn’t mind, of course, but what about the others? I looked around at them. They looked back at me blankly, their eyes wandering timidly. No one spoke. Then again, the question was posed to me, so perhaps it was my call to make.

“Go for it,” I answered.

That said, we didn’t exactly have an empty chair ready for her. As I craned my neck, scanning the room for one I could borrow, Adachi knelt down beside me. Problem solved, I guess. Then she set a to-go bag from the school store on my desk with a loud thud that caught my attention.

“Isn’t that kind of a lot?”

She had three…no, four different sandwiches? Who are you, Yashiro? You sure you can eat all that?

“You can have some if you want.”

She opened the bag to show me its contents. Granted, I already had a sandwich of my own, but hey—free food is free food, right? So I figured I’d take a look. Honestly, it was a pretty generous gesture, coming from the same girl who used to make me buy her lunch for her all the time. Of the items inside, the jam bun appealed to me the most, but…I hesitated to take it.

“Hmmm…”

I stared down at my stomach. Obviously I couldn’t exactly pinch it in front of everyone… That said, I knew for a fact that Adachi wasn’t going to be able to eat all this on her own. Thus, I ultimately decided to help myself to the jam bun.

“If you want a second one, go for it.”

“No, that’s okay. I can’t eat three. Thanks, though.”

At this, her expression finally softened, and her lips curled in a faint smile. The tip of her nose was red, possibly from all the effort it took to hold her face in that position.

Once she started unwrapping a sandwich, the rest of us took that as our cue to go back to our food. But while all of us kept looking at Adachi, she only ever looked at me. She didn’t acknowledge the Trio at all, as if they didn’t exist to her. Uncomfortable with her presence, the three of them ate their food in total silence.

She was a meteor that had broken through our tepid, laid-back atmosphere, tearing a hole in the ozone layer, letting all the air escape. And I couldn’t think of a single way to patch things up again.

Meanwhile, she sat at my feet like a guard dog. Looking at her made me restless. Are there really no empty chairs? I glanced around again, and this time I spotted one, so I rose to my feet and walked over. Then, with permission from the other people nearby, I dragged it back over and offered it to Adachi.

“Oh, thanks.”

She got up and sat down on it. Satisfied with my solution, I returned to my seat.

But, as it turned out, this fixed nothing. Her focus was still entirely on me, to the point that I could practically feel her gaze. Our eyes met; she looked up at me with her usual puppy-dog eyes as she took tiny, unenthusiastic bites of her sandwich. With her eyes so full of emotion, she was utterly unlike her robotic classroom persona, and it felt like she was probing me for something… I gazed back, trying to figure her out.

I could sense the Trio giving us weird looks, but it didn’t bother me much. Honestly, maybe it was for the best that Adachi came back before I managed to get too emotionally invested.

The silence lingered. And it would continue to do so unless Adachi took a different stance. But I knew she wouldn’t, and so nothing would change. She had zero intention of fitting in with everyone; as far as I could tell, she literally didn’t care about anything except being with me. She came back to the classroom with the express purpose of sitting here.

While part of me had reservations about this “no one else matters” attitude of hers, another part of me shrugged it off as just Adachi being Adachi. Nothing she did fazed me anymore. And while I didn’t know exactly what influenced her to come back, I understood what kind of person she was, and therefore I understood that it must have taken her a great deal of courage and willpower. This was probably why my reaction to her was so different compared to the Trio’s.

Out went the warm spring air, and in came chilly tension. Couldn’t she feel their pointed stares? Didn’t it bother her? Honestly, if I’d been in her shoes, I would have kept my distance. Not to say that she made the wrong choice. To each their own, I thought to myself, knowing full well it was a convenient shield for my own cowardice.

For some people, it was impossible to have too many friends; for others, one was enough. Everyone had their own individual needs, and…well…at the risk of sounding totally full of myself, Adachi seemed to have decided that I was the only one she needed. But if that was what made her happy, then there was nothing wrong with that.

As for me, I sometimes wondered whether I needed any friends at all. And I had yet to find my answer. All I knew for sure was that the hole in the ozone would come at a price…and at this rate, my friendship with the Trio most likely wouldn’t even hold out until the next seating shuffle.

***

After school, Adachi sped over to my desk like it was lunchtime all over again. Maybe she wanted to make sure she was the first person to get there this time.

“Let’s, uh, walk home together!”

I looked up at her wordlessly. After a beat, she blinked and furrowed her brow anxiously, which made me laugh.

“Sure,” I grinned. At this, Adachi realized I was being a bully.

“Were you being mean on purpose?” she asked, pouting slightly.

“Nahhhh, of course not!”

Dismissing her concern, I grabbed my bookbag and rose from my chair. I could feel someone looking at us, but I decided not to find out who it was. Not like that knowledge would really change anything.

That said, we couldn’t really “walk home together” when we lived in two different directions. We’d only get as far as the front gates before we’d be forced to part ways. Of course, there was that one time on the day of the opening ceremony where she came with me all the way to my house, then walked home from there, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t make that same mistake again anytime soon. Hopefully.

As we left the classroom, I gazed at her face in profile. Sure enough, her gaze was flickering to and fro, just as I’d anticipated. For some reason her eyes were always damp and emotional, like the protagonist of some vintage shoujo manga. Then we headed down the stairs, and she caught sight of the bear strap hanging from my bag. Her eyes moved back and forth in time with its movements.

Since she seemed so captivated by it, I held it up for her to see.

“Is… Is that bear trendy right now?” she mumbled awkwardly.

“I don’t know about trendy, but he’s definitely popular,” I replied.

As far as I was aware, he was one of those classic cartoon characters everybody knew about, on par with Anpanman. At the very least, they were literally hanging on the same rack at that one store. And considering those two guys were looking to buy one, he clearly appealed to a wide demographic.

“Pretty cute, don’t you think?”

I’d promised Tarumi I would take good care of the little guy, and I liked to think I’d kept my word thus far. Incidentally, my little sister must’ve been really envious, because she took one look at him and immediately made plans with Yashiro to get matching straps of their own. At one point Yashiro said, “I didn’t realize such a creature inhabited this planet.” Ha, I wish.

“Where did you buy it?”

“You want to get one?”

“Uh, y-yeah…I wouldn’t mind having a bag strap, I guess.”

“Interesting.” Honestly, it’s not that hard to find a store that sells bag straps, I thought to myself. But maybe Adachi really liked this particular character.

“Th-then we…we could…match… Ha ha heh…” A clumsy laugh left her lips. Kinda like an airplane that failed to achieve liftoff.

So THAT’S what she wants, huh? I didn’t see the appeal of it myself, but oh well. Classic Adachi. Oh, but if she bought the same bear as Tarumi and I, wouldn’t that make the three of us a matching trio?

Okay, maybe not.

Once we left the school building, I figured I’d walk with her to the bike parking area…but then she reached out and took my index finger in hers. Hanging her head, she looked up at me.

“Can… can we hold hands?”

As she spoke, she clenched her hand into a fist around my finger, and at that point, my answer didn’t really matter.

“Sure, go for it,” I shrugged, and a split second later, she engulfed my entire hand. Whereas Tarumi had consistently gone for my left hand, Adachi always went for my right.

Come to think of it, Adachi didn’t know about Tarumi at all. No surprise there, since their paths never crossed. But if they ever did…somehow I had a feeling that things would get complicated . After all, Adachi didn’t really seem like the type who was good at sharing her toys.

As we held hands, she used her free hand to unlock her bike and pull it out of the rack. From my perspective, it seemed a lot more efficient to hold hands after she retrieved her bike, but she had different priorities, apparently. She dragged both me and her bike all the way to the front gates.

This was as far as we could go together.

“See you later, Adachi.”

“Right.”

As we said our goodbyes, she looked at me longingly.

“Oh, come on. We’ll see each other again tomorrow, won’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re coming to school, right?”

“Yeah…”

She muttered something else under her breath; I couldn’t quite catch it, but I thought I heard my name somewhere in there. Something about coming to see me? If I was her whole reason for going to school, well…that’d be flattering.

Anyway.

“Uh, hello? Earth to Adachi-san?”

“Huh?”

“I kinda need you to let go now? So I can go home?”

I raised our joined hands to eye level. After all, I couldn’t exactly pull myself free when she had the added weight of a bicycle on her side.

“Oh, right!”

Hastily, she moved to let go of me…then stopped short. Her cheeks and nose flushed pink as the corner of her lips twitched.

“I…I won’t let you go.”

“What?”

She blushed even redder, and her lower lip started to quiver. Uh, you okay there?

“I won’t let you go!”

“Yes, you said that.”

“Go…go…go…” She wilted rapidly.

Evidently she was trying to make a joke and it fell spectacularly flat. She stared at the ground with a look that I remember previously referring to as her “pathetic puppy-dog look.” Her hair drooped down her shoulders like dog ears.

Not to be a total jerk or anything, but…this was a lot funnier than her actual joke.

As I stood there grinning at her, she looked up, blushing. “Uh…c-come with me real quick.”

“Huh?”

She started to drag me away, and sure enough, I didn’t stand a chance against her added weight. As she led me in the opposite direction of my house, I found myself passively hoping we weren’t going too far, but otherwise didn’t protest. Thankfully, however, she came to a stop just around the corner from the school—out back, across the street from the farm fields.

Then I remembered: Adachi was technically a delinquent. Maybe she’s about to show her true colors and steal my lunch money, I joked to myself. But then she stepped right up to me—

“Wh-whoa.”

—and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. One arm around my back, one around my neck. She pressed her slender frame against mine.

“I… You see, I…!”

Don’t shout in my ear! It was so sudden and loud, I reflexively recoiled.

“I…I like you…”

It was just like Adachi to start off at full volume only to immediately peter out. Apparently she liked me, but didn’t say how much or in what way, so I wasn’t really sure if I should be flattered or overjoyed or what. There was no further explanation; all she did was squirm nervously against me.

Her face was buried against my shoulder, and I could feel its heat. If I waited a few minutes, would smoke pour out of her ears? The girl was so flammable, she was practically made of straw. Maybe it’s safe to start asking questions now.

“So, uh, why did you…hug me all of a sudden?”

I started to say “pounce on me,” but it felt a little too critical in my head, so I went with something else. I couldn’t see her expression, but I could feel her breath against my neck.

“Because…it’s been forever since…”

“Since we hung out?”

“Since anything . You’re always with those…those other girls.”

I felt her fingers dig into my back. At the surface level, her answer didn’t make sense, and yet…amid the forlorn sadness, there was a tiny barb mixed in. And once it fully wedged itself into my ear, it all clicked.

“Ohhhh.” I patted her lightly on the back as vague understanding settled in. “So basically, you were jealous?”

Her neck stiffened, and that was all the answer I needed. I shook my head and smiled.

“You hopeless dork,” I sighed, my breath gently ruffling the hair near her ear. Then I reached out and smoothed the strands back into place.

Evidently Adachi saw me not as a big sister, but as a mom. Thinking back to the one encounter I had with Mrs. Adachi, it made sense why her daughter might look for that kind of affection elsewhere. That said, it was a lot to ask of a fellow teenager.

Smiling stiffly, I averted my gaze. If the Trio or someone else from our class were to see us right now, they’d totally think something else was happening, and there’d be all kinds of rumors flying by tomorrow morning. It was hard to say whether Adachi ever took those sorts of concerns into consideration, though. Maybe she simply didn’t care.

As I pondered this, I continued to rub her back. Then, once it felt like enough time had passed, I asked, “Are you better now?”

Slowly, Adachi pulled away—so gradually, it almost looked like she was floating away in a zero-gravity zone. Her face was so flushed, you’d think it was wintertime all over again. Like we’d gone back in time.

But that’s just Adachi for you.

Here on the soil of our second year, we had built for ourselves a flimsy straw house. Now it had burned to the ground, leaving only an empty meadow…and Adachi was the one who struck the match.

“Alright, kiddo, it’s time for everybody to go home! That includes you, Sakura-chan!” I told her, patting her head.

“Why are you talking to me like I’m five?” she protested, looking up at me, her ears pink.

I think you’ll find the answer if you pause to reflect on the way you’ve been acting.

“I’m gonna need you to let go of my hand now, okay?”

Shoulders shaking and eyes narrowed, she slowly let go. We were both so slick with sweat, I half-expected our hands to pull apart like half-dried glue. I gazed down at my now empty palm. I could still feel her warmth… What are we doing?

“Okay then, can I…call you later?” Adachi asked, as if in exchange for my freedom. Evidently she still needed more attention.

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

Although I had to wonder if there was really anything worth talking about. Would we just sit there in silence, like always? Awkward phone calls were already hard enough for me as it was. Add in Adachi as the other participant, and the onus would fall on me to keep the conversation going. That was what I hated more than anything. Maybe someday I would have enough social graces to be able to simply enjoy the silence, but today was not that day.

Still, my response had made Adachi smile…and maybe that was all that mattered.

“Okay, I’ll call you at like…seven-ish, so…yeah.” With that, she leapt onto her bike and sped off down the street like a madwoman.

Seven?

“But that’s dinnertime…”

Guess she can’t hear me, I thought to myself with a shrug. So I gave up on trying to reschedule and decided to head home. As I walked, I smoothed my uniform back into place and scratched my itchy neck.

I had kind of assumed most people ate dinner somewhere between 6 and 7 PM, but evidently Adachi’s household operated differently. Admittedly, I couldn’t really picture her eating dinner at a set time each day.

She and I were the same age, but our different childhood environments—the homes we grew up in, the people who raised us, the things we experienced, the things that stayed with us—had made us into two very different people. And I found that sort of thing really interesting.

***

“Can we have dinner early tonight? I’m starving,” I lied to my mother, so I wouldn’t have to go to the effort of explaining to her the real reason.

“I beg your pardon?” Annoyed, she turned back to look at me. “I’m making it right now,” she shot back flatly. Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t answer my question.

“Would you like some egg bolo cookies?” Yashiro asked, offering me the whole bag. Lately it felt like she’d become something of a regular here at the Shimamura house… Nevertheless, I took one, and was relieved to find that they still tasted the same way they used to when I was a kid.

“How about I serve you first?” my mother asked me. Evidently she hadn’t ignored her daughter’s request after all.

“Yes, please,” I answered, and took a seat at the dinner table. Something told me my little sister was going to throw a fit about it later, but oh well. “What are we having?”

“Store-bought roast chicken.”

If it’s already cooked, then what are you hacking it up for, lady?

“I’m looking forward to it,” the little blue gremlin announced as she sat down next to me. I looked at her dubiously, and in response, she…held up the cookie bag again. “Want another bolo?”

No thank you.

And so I ate my dinner ahead of the others, then returned to my room. Knowing Adachi, I figured she might lose patience and call me a good thirty minutes early, but then 6:30 rolled around and there was still no sign of her. So I switched on the TV, set my phone down next to me, and waited.

Thinking about it, I’d dedicated basically the entire second half of my day to Adachi. The dam had burst, and her feelings had rushed out in a mighty torrent that swept me off my feet. Not only that, but it had washed away the past two weeks of lead-up into the new semester at school. Starting tomorrow, I anticipated that my daily routine would look completely different… Yeah, it’s gonna get busy.

Was Adachi sitting by the phone, counting down the minutes until 7 PM? I could picture her sitting cross-legged on her bed, hunched forward, peering down at her phone. I adopted a similar position; yep, this feels about right.

Then my sister came in to complain about me eating dinner without her, and Yashiro came in to deliver me more bolos, and before I knew it, my phone rang at exactly 7:00 on the dot. Her timing was so accurate, she was like a human cuckoo clock. I switched off the TV and answered the phone.

“…Shimamura?”

She didn’t even bother to say hello first. Why would you need to make sure it’s me? You’re the one who called!

“It’s me, alright! Good evening!”

“Oh, uh…g-good evening…”

“Are your legs going numb?”

“Huh?! Wait, what? How did you know?!”

I’ll take that as a yes. I burst out laughing. And as I laughed, Adachi’s panic intensified. I could hear her moving on the other end of the line, like she was glancing around… What, did she think I installed some hidden cameras in her room or something?

“Just thought I’d ask. So anyway, what’s up?”

“What do you mean, what’s up?”

“I thought you wanted to talk about something,” I pressed, though my hopes weren’t too high.

“Uhh…not really.”

Knew it.

“It’s just been a long time since we talked on the phone, that’s all.”

She made it sound as though we used to have regular phone conversations, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. We had no interests or club activities in common, so what were we supposed to talk about? We didn’t even have any independent hobbies—nothing . Honestly, it was a miracle that a pair of oddballs like us had managed to stay friends for six whole months now.

“Don’t you want to have friends, Adachi?” I asked, thinking back to earlier at lunch. Once again, I ended up in charge of picking the topic.

“Huh? Uh…not really. I’m not super interested,” she replied curtly. Talking to her on the phone always seemed to bring out her more introverted side. It was hard to believe this was the same girl who would aggressively hug me or try to hold my hand.

“I mean, I…” she began, tripping over her own words. Then she fell silent.

“You what?” I asked, helping her up.

“I have you, so…yeah.”

What does THAT have to do with anything?

It took me a minute to realize that this was her excuse for not needing friends.

Honestly, this wasn’t quite the answer I was expecting to get. I had anticipated something more along the lines of “You’re my friend, Shimamura.” And sure, she had essentially said the same thing using different words, but…man, Adachi was subverting my expectations like crazy today. Looks like I might be in it for the long haul with this one, I thought, and adjusted my sitting position. Using my folded futon as a cushion, I stretched my legs out.

“Do you talk on the phone with other people, too?” Adachi asked suddenly. Or maybe it wasn’t really that sudden, but it certainly felt that way. I just didn’t really get why she was asking.

“Sure, sometimes,” I replied, thinking of Tarumi. If she’s Taru-chan, and I’m Shima-chan, what would that make Adachi? “Ada-chan”? Nah, that’d be weird.

“You do?”

Her voice was as hard as diamonds. Either she was actively upset about this, or she was simply matter-of-factly confirming my statement. Zero enthusiasm.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Well, I was kinda hoping it was just a you-and-me thing…since I don’t talk to anyone but you…”

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

I could, actually, but it didn’t really feel like I was supposed to. If you want to mutter to yourself, then save it for after the call, please.

“…It’s nothing.”

Didn’t really seem like nothing, but okay. I didn’t really want to press her on it, so I decided to drop the subject. “If you say so.”

“Yeah.”

Once again, the conversation died. I checked the time. Not even five minutes had passed. Bored, I rubbed my big toes together and contemplated what to do. Adachi was the last person to ask a question, so maybe it was my turn… Yeah, that seemed about right. Not sure why I felt so honor-bound to “take my turn,” but at the very least, it seemed like a fair solution.

To skirt around the awkward tension, I decided to offer my belated gratitude:

“Oh, right. Thanks for the jam bun, by the way.”

“Oh… Sure, no problem.”

Should’ve known better than to expect a conversation out of that, I thought to myself with a wry grin. But believe it or not, Adachi actually did have a follow-up.

“So you like sweets?”

This was such a normal question, it actually caught me off guard. I thought back over our days in the gym loft. Had the topic never come up before? Apparently not. Back then we weren’t trying to build anything with each other; all we did was exist.

“Yeah, I love sweets. Is there anyone in the world who doesn’t?”

Granted, I didn’t love them quite as much as my kid sister. Seriously, if you saw how much she ate, you’d think she was the Princess of Candyland.

“Then…would you want to go out for sweets sometime…?”

“Huh? Sure.”

Donuts? Soufflés? Maybe crêpes this time?

“Okay, uh…c-cool.”

If she was trying to sound excited, she failed completely. Her voice was so stiff, I could picture her shoulders hunched up around her ears.

Once again, we had descended into the valley of silence, and it was getting to be a real hassle hauling both of us out each and every time. Or maybe I was just out of shape, so to speak.

“Alright, well, should we hang up now?”

“What?!” Her voice was so panicked, I could practically hear a dramatic echo behind it.

“I mean, we’re running up your phone bill just sitting here.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got plenty of money for it.”

“Isn’t it kind of a waste to spend money on silence ?”

Especially since she earned that money by running around in a China dress. It was the kind of thing a girl like me could never wear; only a pretty girl like Adachi could make it work. But I digress.

“Not at all! I mean, if you think about it, uh…this way I get to…”

“Get to what?”

I heard a restless tapping sound on the other end of the line, like a sugar addict waiting on their next fix. Then the sound stopped, and there was a pause…and then…

“As long as I have you on the phone, I…get to have you all to myself…so yeah,” she finished clumsily.

For a minute, I was rendered speechless. It was just so…intense . But looking back over the course of our friendship thus far, it wasn’t really a surprise.

“You know, Adachi…”

“…Yeah?”

“You can be pretty possessive sometimes, you know that?”

Considering what went down at lunch, she really seemed like a little kid who couldn’t share her toys.

“Uhh…I mean, just a normal amount, I’d say…”

“That’s a bit of an understatement, if you ask me!”

“No, really! I’m… I’m completely normal!”

Judging from the way she repeated the word “normal” over and over, it sounded like she was fairly flustered. I could picture her eyes darting nervously in all directions…and the mental image spurred me to continue.

“Oh, just relax. It’s nice to know you love me, regardless of how you choose to express it.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, the embarrassment kicked in, and I started laughing to play it off.

Oh god, what if she can tell that I’m embarrassed? Kill me now!

I listened with bated breath, trying to gauge her reaction…but I couldn’t hear anything. Usually I could at least hear her breathing on the other end, but this time there was actual genuine silence . I checked my phone; the call was still connected. Confused, I froze.

Then, out of nowhere, Adachi started gasping and coughing, like she’d come up for air after holding her breath. (For her sake, I won’t describe the exact sounds she was making.) Anyway, once she collected herself, I could tell she was going through some kind of teary-eyed self-loathing, so I spent a good chunk of time cheering her up, or smoothing things over, or whatever you want to call it. But at least it gave us something to talk about, so in a way, I kind of…appreciated it, I guess?

Once the call started to wind down, I checked the time to find that approximately thirty minutes had passed. Granted, most of it was silence, but still, it was one of the most successful phone calls I’d ever had.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at school. Don’t skip, okay?”

“You…”

“I what?” Why is it that she can never finish her sentences?

“You…you better not skip either…so there!”

Her weird mid-sentence pauses made me laugh. For some reason, she and Tarumi both kept defaulting to some cheerful persona with me, and it never really worked out for either of them.

Wait…does that make it MY fault?

After that, Adachi seemed reluctant to actually hang up, so I counted down from three and hit the End Call button.

Whenever we were together, I always ended up having to take charge, and honestly, it was exhausting. I just wasn’t the leader type… Now that the call was over, I drew my knees up and hugged them to my chest.

“Nnnngh…”

A low groan escaped my throat. Was tomorrow going to be like this, too? Or did Adachi get it all out of her system today? Maybe she’d be a little more relaxed by tomorrow. But then again…relaxed or not, I was pretty sure she’d still make a repeat attempt. She’d approach me, and everyone else would withdraw, creating an isolated bubble with just me and her.

Being with Adachi limited my possibilities. After all, the fewer people in my life, the fewer opportunities I would have. As I examined this fact without weighing its relative pros and cons, I thought to myself: well, obviously I should choose what’s best for me.

Adachi had committed herself to a path without other people. Well, okay—maybe “committed herself” was a bit of an exaggeration. For a teenager, though, it was a pretty significant move.

“But the path I choose is…”

I slowly closed my eyes, hoping someday I’d find the words to finish that sentence.