Chapter 1: Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 1:
Bittersweet Memories

 

“WHENEVER YOU CHALLENGE yourself, you must always try your hardest. Otherwise you’ll never discover what you’re truly capable of.”

Wise words from a junior high school teacher whose name I couldn’t quite remember. I just wish someone would have told me a little sooner. By junior high, all traces of the old me had vanished. I was a carefully polished stone flowing through the river of time. Put nicely, you could say I was free from all restraint. Alternatively, from a less-than-generous perspective, there was nothing keeping me grounded.

That was the kind of girl I had become.

There wasn’t any sort of major event that caused it either. After I transitioned from elementary school to junior high, a lot of the people around me simply started being very specific about the way they treated others. If you ask me, I merely adapted to that change.

Kindness approached the heart by knocking on the front door, whereas malice crept in through the windows. And when you were innocent and trusting, you generally left your windows wide open. But when it was your own naivete that made everything worse, no one felt sorry for you and no one came to your rescue.

Thankfully, I managed to realize these things before anyone ever hurt me. So I got out my hammer and nails and boarded up every last one of those openings. That way no malice could ever get in…and I could never get out.

Admittedly, when I closed off the door, I seemed to lose my ability to express interest in anything, but at the same time, I never had to expend any energy caring about anything either. It was easier to simply exist in the background. I didn’t think of it as good or bad—it was just the way of the world, like the warmth of summer and the chill of winter.

In that sense, I was still the same naive little girl who took everything at face value. Hence I never questioned myself. Instead, I believed that this was how I would always be…and so far, I was still waiting to be proven wrong.

 

***

 

I was complacent. No matter who I met, or how badly I screwed up, or how far my dreams seemed to slip away from me, it didn’t feel right to get all clingy about it. As long as I kept my eyes averted, the pain and regret would fade away eventually, and I could go back to my regular self. That was what always worked for me in the past.

But after I met Shimamura, I could no longer avert my eyes. I could no longer afford to be complacent. There was no safe refuge where I could stop and set up camp, so instead, I had to stay on my toes at all times. It felt like I was swimming upstream with the whole current against me…but I could see something beautiful just up ahead.

So in the spirit of pure spontaneity, I invited her to hang out.

“Hang out? Nope, not happening!” Shimamura waved a dismissive hand, yanking the rug out from under me. Then, as I struggled to recover, she explained: “See, my family always spends the Bon Festival at my grandparents’ house.”

This was a perfectly sensible explanation, and I was faintly relieved to learn she wasn’t rejecting me specifically. As someone with minimal family connections, I’d forgotten that most people generally spent this time of year with their relatives.

“Oh.”

I should have called ahead of time, but…after that fight we had a while ago, phone calls were kind of scary for me now. Plus, part of me was satisfied just getting to see her face in person. Ugh, I’m so easily placated.

“And as it happens, today’s the day we leave.”

“Right, yeah. I mean, it’s the Bon Festival and all.”

This was the best response I could think of, and it still came out pointless and vapid. Entirely unrelated, Shimamura was wearing a shirt covered with cartoon eggs, or rather, bizarre creatures hatching out of cracked chicken eggs. Where would she even get a shirt like that? Because I was pretty sure they didn’t sell it at the Shimamura Company.

“How long are you staying?” I asked, wiping my sweaty palms.

“Four days and three nights, my lady,” she answered, gesturing with her palm up, almost like she was a butler.

“Th-then…could I come back four days from now?” I mumbled shyly, sneaking a peek at her expression.

“Sure, that works,” she nodded. As she spoke, she gazed at my face. Then she seemed to sense something and added: “Umm…I’ll call you when I get home?”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Truth be told, I would have given anything to spend those four days camping out in her room.

Just then, I noticed her scrutinizing my neck and forehead. I froze and looked back at her in confusion. Then she walked off down the hallway. Baffled, I waited anxiously until she returned a few seconds later with a bottle of mineral water and an ice cream bar.

“Since you already came all this way, consider this your…hmm… Would it be rude to call it a consolation prize?” She tilted her head. “Your ‘come back later’ prize? Doesn’t have a great ring to it… Your ‘pr-ize cream’? Ugh, now it doesn’t make any sense…”

Just like that, she was suddenly overanalyzing it. Normally, she never cared about anything, so it was really weird to encounter something she actually dug her heels in about. But to an extent, it was that enigmatic side of her that drew me in.

“Eh, I guess it doesn’t matter. Here you go.”

With a smile, she tossed her entire train of thought into the trash and handed me my, uh, prizes. Instantly, my eyes burned hot. I always reacted dramatically to the smallest things, enigmatic or not… To put it bluntly, I was drawn to everything about Shimamura.

Before she could question why I was so enraptured, I quickly ran a hand over my face to compose myself, then took the water and the ice cream bar. Both were cold to the touch, soothing my sweaty palms.

“Don’t grip it too tightly or it’ll melt,” she chided me, and I got so flustered, I nearly dropped the ice cream. Fortunately, I managed to hold onto it—firmly but not tightly. I raised it and the water bottle to eye level.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, no worries!” Another dismissive wave.

Then her parents showed up, so I bowed politely, then hurried out of their house. The second I stepped outside, however, reality came crashing down on me, and the warmth I felt from Shimamura’s presence was replaced by the intense heat of the sun. But her kind gesture remained securely in hand, nice and cold.

I raised the bottle and gazed at the sky through the lens of the mineral water. Then I thought back to the gym loft. That was where it all began—where this brand-new me was born. Not that I was particularly attached to the old me; for that matter, I couldn’t even remember what I was like yesterday. All that mattered was that today’s version of me—and tomorrow’s, and the next day’s—yearned for Shimamura.

So I twisted off the cap and began to drink—not to wash away the old memories, but to water this small sapling.

Gulp by gulp, I chugged down the waterfall.

 

***

 

As I watched her go, it occurred to me that Adachi probably didn’t have any family traditions regarding the Bon Festival. If I had to choose, I’d say she was more of a city girl, surrounded on all sides by hard steel. Clean and cold, like she’d never touched dirt in all her life. That was the kind of vibe I got.

And the steel thing explains why she gets overheated so easily, I nodded to myself, even though it didn’t entirely make sense.

“We’re about to head out, so go get ready,” my mother told me.

“Okaaaay…”

When I returned to my room, I found Yashiro lying on my blanket, slowly savoring an ice cream bar. Whether she got it from our freezer or brought it in from somewhere, I couldn’t tell. For a moment, I mused to myself idly that her hair looked even more refreshing than the ice cream… Then I belatedly realized she was going to drip it all over my dang blanket.

I reached out and grabbed her by the neck. Despite being a total weakling, I managed to lift her whole body with one arm. She looked back at me, flailing her limbs in mid-air. “What is the meaning of this, Shimamura-san?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t eat food on my blanket! Remember?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh, was that my sister…? Whatever. From now on, it applies to you too!”

I carried her safely away from my blanket, then set her down. She walked up to me and leaned her weight against my legs; I knelt down into a sitting position, and she plopped onto my lap. She liked to do this all the time, but oddly enough, she never made me feel overheated. With her color scheme, she looked like a cool breeze.

Grinning, she offered me her half-eaten ice cream. “Would you like a bite?”

“Nom.” Yes, I would. Sure enough, as I expected from the color, it was strawberry flavor. “Mmm, that’s good.”

“I know, right?” she replied smugly, as if she’d made it herself.

Come to think of it, the one I gave Adachi was strawberry too. Adachi and Shimamura: Strawberry Flavor… Eh, I guess it wouldn’t be noticeably different. All that aside, I started pinching Yashiro’s cheeks.

“Hmmm…”

As I kneaded and stretched her soft, flabby skin, I gazed down at her. She was quite possibly the least complicated person in my life. I didn’t feel like I had to manage our relationship; even if I messed up, I wasn’t worried about doing any real damage. For better or for worse, she didn’t take things too seriously. That was probably why people thought she and I were alike: she was always friendly and happy-go-lucky, but there was no real depth to it, like she was just trying it out to see what would happen.

That being said, this laid-back attitude most likely wasn’t part of the act.

“Aihheeb!”

She was trying to say something, though I couldn’t tell what. Man, she’s so stretchy. Does she even have any bones in here? I could practically feel the chill of the ice cream through her skin.

“Wha?! Yachi, when’d you get here?!”

“Hello there, Little.”

My little sister walked in, and I could see she was sweating, which didn’t surprise me since she just went to take her fish tank over to the house next door. My sister was a big-time animal lover, and whenever we went on long trips, she always asked the neighbor lady to feed her fish. Plus, now she has this new pet to take care of, I thought to myself as I pinched a strand of Yashiro’s hair. It was so sparkly and soft, you could probably make ribbons out of it.

“Would you like some?” Yashiro asked, offering the ice cream to my sister next. She took a small bite from the edge, then looked at me.

“Oh, yeah, Dad said we’re gonna leave soon.”

“Ah, okay. Be right there.”

I rolled Yashiro away—“Oh noooo!”—and grabbed the suitcase I’d packed in advance. If we were going abroad for this vacation, like Hino, then this thing would probably be stuffed to bursting. But we were just going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, so I didn’t need that much.

Once we made sure we had everything, my sister and I headed for the front door. Our parents were already outside waiting for us.

“Hurry the hell up, you punks!” my mother snapped, like a small-time thug. But this was nothing out of the ordinary, so I ignored her and put my shoes on.

Now then… “Time for all of us to head out. Hint, hint.”

We turned and looked at Yashiro, innocently licking her ice cream. She ignored us and kept on licking.

“Uh, hello?” I demanded. She toddled over at a leisurely pace.

“Yes? How can I help you?”

“Don’t play dumb, missy!”

Only then did she recognize the entire Shimamura family’s imminent departure. When her bright blue eyes widened, they looked like a pair of miniature globes. “Are you all going on an outing together?”

“I’m afraid so,” my sister replied, mocking Yashiro’s usual tone. I nodded in agreement. Run along, child.

“Oh, I see.”

Apparently, she sincerely hadn’t realized until now. You’d think she would have noticed our entire family scrambling around the house, but I guess not.

“Not to worry. I shall protect your humble abode in your absence,” she declared, her chest thrust out, her nose raised high in the air.

Evidently, she had arrived at the complete opposite conclusion. Not happening, kiddo. With no other choice, I escorted her bodily from the building.

“Why not?!”

“I know it’s easy to forget, but you don’t actually live here!”

To us, Yashiro was a pet at most. Not that I expected her to do anything more than lay around and sleep, but even then, no sane person would let this child have the run of the house while we were gone. She was lucky we didn’t dump her at the neighbor’s place with the fish.

“Be a good girl and I’ll bring you a souvenir,” my sister chided, like a little mom.

“I am always a good girl, for the record!” Yashiro scoffed, oddly offended.

You sure you wanna make that promise? You know they don’t even have corner stores out there, right? They don’t even have stoplights. Or cars. Or people… God, what do they have?

“……”

The answer: an old friend I had known for ten years now. When was the last time my heart filled with pure, unadulterated joy when I saw him? These days, that joy was mitigated with sadness in equal measure, blanketing my heart in small, hard cobblestones.

“I shall await my souvenir!”

“Be back soon!”

As Yashiro waved us off, we piled into the car. Frankly, it was kind of surreal. As soon as I buckled my seatbelt, however, I felt my phone buzz. It was an email from Adachi. Curious, I opened it.

“What the…?”

The body of the message was a single heart emoji. Did she send it by mistake? No, that couldn’t be it. The heart was bright red, like a strawberry… Whatever it signified, it probably meant more than a simple bon voyage.

“Welllll…”

Couldn’t hurt to accept it, I figured. So I sent a heart back. Then I leaned against the backseat and settled in to enjoy the long car ride.

Like a giant eyelid, the summer sun left me blinded.

~Today’s Adachi Forecast~

 

I debated whether to add a heart emoji at the end of my message. I put one just to see what it looked like—Ugh, it’s so obvious! She’ll totally notice!

But when I tried to delete it, I accidentally deleted my message instead…and sent her just the heart by itself!