Interlude: What If…They Didn’t Meet in the Gym Loft?

Interlude:
What If…They Didn’t Meet in the Gym Loft?

 

THE DAY I started taking the train was the first day it felt like I’d truly grown up. Not that I felt more mature or anything as impressive as that; I could just feel myself moving up the escalator to adulthood against my will. Mental growth wasn’t easily measured, so the only real benchmark was age. The world saw me as an adult, and I was required to behave accordingly. Nothing more.

I took the train to the neighboring prefecture, then joined the flow of the crowd and walked to the subway entrance. I didn’t have time to admire the glamorous golden clock that so often served as a meetup spot. Instead, I headed straight down the stairs, where the smell of people grew stronger—mostly perfume and hairspray. Down here, the noise offered me no peace.

From there, I took the subway to the next station, where I walked up and down yet more stairs to make yet another transfer. It wasn’t far, but I sighed nonetheless. The dust seemed to cling to my skin, weighing me down.

Ever since I graduated and got a job, there was always a lingering sense of fatigue in the back of my mind that never went away.

As I stood on the platform waiting for the next train, my gaze wandered, and I spotted a woman standing three away with a lethargic look on her face. We meet again, I thought to myself. Her hair fell nearly to her waist, with a smattering of brown highlights that suggested she had bleached it quite some time ago, but it was her eyes that left an impression—deep mahogany and perpetually drowsy. She seemed like she was my age, and her schedule often overlapped with mine…but of course, she was still just a stranger. I didn’t know her name. I’d never even spoken to her.

Then again, I didn’t know a single other person here. Every day, we all boarded a train full of strangers and rode it to our distant destination. The longer I thought about it, the more it felt like a prison with no bars…or was it just because we were too far down to see the sky?

Then the train rolled into the station, and Ms. Sleepy and I boarded two different train cars. I was ever so faintly hoping I might score an empty seat today, but they all filled up in a blink. With a sigh, I leaned myself against the closed train doors on the opposite side of the car. Then I pressed my head against the window and sighed again. The day hadn’t even started yet and I was already exhausted. Was this how it felt for everyone?

Desperate for a shred of motivation, I checked the date on my phone, but sure enough, it was only Thursday. Still another workday after this one. With no silver lining to keep me upright, my head slumped even farther.

Then, at last, the train started to move through the darkness, carrying me off to my own personal hell.

 

***

 

At my age, I had spent the majority of my life attending school, so perhaps that would explain why I was a student again in so many of my dreams—including the one from last night.

For some reason, we were all at school in the middle of the night, and the teachers were making us study, like some kind of detention all-nighter. It was awful. I found myself wishing I could go home and sleep, but then I realized: nothing was stopping me from doing just that. In a blink, I packed up my stuff and left the classroom (which was on the first floor and also the size of the entire gym for some reason). Then I jogged off into the night, breathing in the crisp air, and no one tried to stop me.

No surprise there, of course. After all, I wasn’t a student anymore.

Right when this realization sank in, my alarm clock started ringing, and as my mind stirred awake, my real job filtered into the dream. Kinda funny.

I was always so sleepy. No matter how much sleep I got, the drowsiness lingered behind my eyeballs. But since I couldn’t feel any fatigue anywhere else, evidently my body was getting enough rest. As I glared down at the villain who woke me, I slowly pushed myself up and started getting ready. While students had the luxury of skipping class if they felt like it, I wasn’t so lucky. The dream was only a dream.

Before she left for school, my bratty sister told me to get my act together. Then my mother came in and shouted at me to quit dragging my feet. In that sense, nothing much had changed.

Once I washed my face, I started to feel a little more awake. In the mirror, I could see my own lifeless reflection. No color, I thought to myself as I touched my cheek. My skin was moisturized, but it still seemed pallid. At least this way, I fit in with the rest of my coworkers, I thought to myself with a dry laugh, averting my eyes.

I took a bus to the train station, then caught the train to the subway. I was starting to regret accepting a job so far away from home. Thus far, I had made all my decisions on a whim, and only now could I see my own mistakes. That’s life, I guess. Biting back a yawn, I lined up and waited to board the train.

Just then, I noticed a familiar face. For whatever reason—maybe we both had the same schedule, or maybe she lived in my neighborhood—I saw a lot of this girl. She was hunched over slightly, her dark hair hanging like a veil of gloom over her eyes. She looked to be my age, though she was slightly taller. Other than that, she was a stranger.

Another yawn crept up on me, bringing tears to my eyes. I wiped them away and faced forward. The train would be here soon. Then it would take me to my destination, where I would spend eight miserable hours wishing I could leave.

Sure enough, the train arrived, and Miss Gloomy and I boarded two different train cars. There was an empty seat, but I chose not to take it. If I sat down, chances were high that I’d fall asleep and miss my stop, so I could only afford to sit on the evening train. But of course, the evening train was even more packed, so I rarely ever got a seat.

Instead, I walked to the pole grip near the seats and held onto it while my mind wandered. If I wasn’t careful, I was in danger of falling asleep standing upright. So as the train paused at each station along the way, I looked up at the route map and thought to myself: Was the rest of my life going to be this boring? Would anything ever rock this boat?

I wasn’t going to dive into the water unless there was something worth diving for. So if the ocean floor was empty, then all I wanted was to spend the rest of my time sleeping. That way I could minimize my suffering.

 

***

 

People often told me I was boring. Sometimes they were joking, and other times they really, really weren’t. Either way, I never argued. Even I could see how boring my life was. And if my life was boring, then surely I was boring, too.

I spent every day going from my house to my job and back, with no real interest in anything and a tightly sealed lid on my numbed emotions. But I was used to it. It was exhausting and a total drag, but I could tolerate it.

When I thought about it, it wasn’t much different from my time as a student. No close friends, no one to care about… The feeling was suffocating, like trying to talk with a parched throat. But the days ahead would offer no release from this misery. As long as I kept that in mind, I could endure it.

After I finished my mind-numbing work, I arrived at the subway station and headed down the stairs. Whenever I was on my way home, my sighs of exasperation turned into sighs of relief. Then the train arrived, and I shuffled on board, all the while listening to the frenzied footsteps of students racing down the stairs.

I walked quickly, straight to the vacant seat locked in my sights. Today, I wasn’t letting anyone else take it. With a heavy sigh, I filled the vacancy…and right at the same moment, as if in perfect sync, someone else sat down beside me.

I looked over and froze, hovering halfway over the seat. It was the sleepy woman from this morning, sitting right next to me. Crouching forward, she looked back at me; apparently, she recognized me as one of the familiar faces on her commute.

We gazed at each other, each of us recoiling slightly to make room for the other. Then the train started moving, and she grinned bashfully. Unlike her usual soporific stare, her gentle smile tickled my skin. I shook my head politely, then faced forward.

For the first time in a long time, something had breathed life into my numbed senses. Why did I feel so self-conscious? I kept glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. She was looking at me, too; her big, soft eyes peered at me curiously. Then our eyes met, and I felt my cheeks burn. Hastily, I faced forward once more.

I could feel the heat melting off all those layers of dust.

Why, though? We were just two strangers who took the same train, now sitting next to each other in the same train car. We still had yet to exchange a single word between us. So why was my heart racing so fast? My usual slumped posture was now suddenly as straight as a pin.

I knew how far I was going; the same could be said for her. We didn’t have anything to talk about. We were just sitting together… Together? Did it really count as “sitting together”? We sat down next to each other purely by chance. It was a coincidence at best.

But then again, maybe that was just how it worked. Nobody decided we would meet one day, but for some reason, our lives intersected at this one tiny point. Maybe I didn’t control these things as much as I thought I did.

The train slowed to a stop. Soon this moment would come to an end. So before I missed my chance altogether, I offered her my interest.

“Hey, um…what’s your name?”

Even if we had missed the chance to meet somewhere before, destiny had brought us together again. And it was that single destiny that flipped the whole script.

~Today’s Adachi Forecast~

 

I had a dream. It was so awesome, I couldn’t even remember what happened. But whatever it was, it was awesome.