Chapter 100: Is It Worth It?

In her panic, Bao Ning bit down hard on Pei Yuan’s lower lip. The metallic taste of blood welled up. Pei Yuan let out a sharp “hiss,” though he didn’t forget to sweep that piece of candy into his mouth.

Bao Ning was mortified to the point of desperation. Forcing herself to look calm, she said to Ji Xiangzhen, “Big Sister, he just said he had a toothache, so I…”

Ji Xiangzhen asked, “Eating candy with a toothache?”

“Yes… you eat a little candy when your tooth hurts. The more it hurts, the more you eat, and eventually, you get used to the pain.” Bao Ning scrambled out of the wardrobe, defending herself with incoherent ramblings that only made things worse, until she finally just shut her mouth.

Pei Yuan followed behind her. There was a large gash on his lip. He wiped the blood away with the back of his hand, thinking to himself that this little coward was actually quite fierce—her set of small white teeth was sharper than a dog’s.

Fortunately, Ji Xiangzhen didn’t press the matter. She pointed toward the inner chamber and whispered to Bao Ning, “More than half the bottle of incense spilled, and only a little is left. I don’t know if it’s enough to keep him asleep for two double-hours. I’m going to the study now to find the secret letter. Keep an eye on him in the courtyard; if he wakes up, keep him occupied.”

Bao Ning said, “I understand.”

Ji Xiangzhen straightened her hair and makeup in the mirror and then hurried away.

It was currently the end of the first period of the hot season; the weather was a bit sweltering but bearable. Bao Ning found a large, clean cattail fan in the small kitchen and sat beneath a large tree to enjoy the shade with Pei Yuan. There were many maids in Ji Xiangzhen’s courtyard, but they were well-disciplined; they didn’t stare or gossip, simply minding their own business.

Since Bao Ning was now a Prince’s Consort and Pei Yuan was acting as her guard, she sat while he had to stand behind her, slowly fanning her.

In the courtyard stood a foot-high jar planted with a chaotic mess of non-flowering grass, where a few white-winged butterflies fluttered aimlessly. Bao Ning stared at them for a while before suddenly asking, “Do you miss Yuanzi?”

“Hmm?” Pei Yuan was calculating the events of the coming days and hadn’t heard her clearly.

Bao Ning said, “I miss him. I wonder if he’s doing well at Pei Xiao’s place. If only he could come live with us—how wonderful that would be.”

“Wonderful my foot.” Pei Yuan shifted his stance as he fanned her. “Why raise someone else’s son? Especially Pei Xiao’s. Actually, that’s not right either—raising anyone’s child isn’t as good as us having our own.”

Bao Ning asked, “The person in the tree who threw the candy to him—have they been found?”

Pei Yuan replied, “Still investigating.”

Bao Ning hummed in response. The courtyard was quiet, and the sunlight turned the ground a brilliant white. Her heart grew peaceful as she thought about what was to come in a few days.

She had a general understanding of what was about to happen: Pei Xiao intended to rebel, Pei Yuan would confront him. Pei Xiao wanted to be Emperor himself, while Pei Yuan wanted to protect his Imperial Father and regain favor. But whether Pei Yuan would succeed, or what would happen after success, Bao Ning didn’t know. Would Pei Xiao be executed? Likely not; the Emperor’s offspring were so few that he cherished every one of them. Even with ironclad evidence, he wouldn’t kill Pei Xiao. Would Pei Yuan then become the Crown Prince? Or even, would he be the Emperor in the future?

Perhaps Bao Ning was overthinking or looking too far ahead, but she didn’t want Pei Yuan to hold a high position at all. She was somewhat selfish, and also insecure; she was afraid.

She had grown accustomed to this peaceful life. She didn’t want to deal with social obligations, nor did she want Pei Yuan to divert too much of his focus elsewhere. She didn’t even want to return to the capital. She was a common soul—she liked having money and liked the feeling of being looked up to, but she feared being sucked into these worldly conflicts and losing the happiness she currently possessed. Bao Ning was afraid of becoming a greedy, jealous, worldly woman; she would hate that. She also feared Pei Yuan becoming a man driven by utility, chasing power, and fond of taking many concubines.

If only time could stop at this moment. If they could just live in the manor at Lihu like this, living a wealthy, carefree life while cherishing one another—how wonderful that would be.

The future might be better, but she was timid; she didn’t dare look forward for fear things would get worse.

Behind Bao Ning, Pei Yuan noticed she hadn’t moved for a long time. Thinking she had fallen asleep, he gave the back of her neck a little squeeze. “There’s a breeze, don’t sleep. Otherwise, your face will get crooked, and I’ll have to get the needles out to fix you.”

Bao Ning was amused. She turned around and asked, “Have you been hit by the wind? Otherwise, how would you know so clearly?”

Pei Yuan said, “Not me, but Wei Meng was. Tsk, he was a pitiful sight back then.”

Bao Ning rested her chin on her hand and looked at him with a very gentle gaze. She had beautiful eyes. Pei Yuan looked back at her and found himself uncontrollably drawn in, drowning in them.

He crouched down, his tone becoming tender and doting. “Ning Ning, what’s wrong?”

Bao Ning suddenly said, “A-Yuan, am I worth it?”

A flash of emptiness passed through her eyes as she frowned. “I’m just a concubine-born daughter. My background isn’t good. Marrying you was a complete accident…”

Pei Yuan’s face darkened. He didn’t know why she was thinking about this. He interrupted her, “Have I failed to make you feel secure?”

Bao Ning had wanted to say: We haven’t even performed the wedding bows; do I even count as your true wife?

But she felt that saying this now would be too melodramatic and would hurt Pei Yuan’s heart, so she swallowed the words.

In truth, Pei Yuan did make her feel secure, but occasionally she couldn’t help but overthink. It was just as the Dowager Lady Tao had said at the beginning—marrying Pei Yuan was her climbing above her station, she had gotten a bargain. Bao Ning hadn’t thought that way at first; when Pei Yuan lived in that broken little courtyard and his health was poor, she felt they were equals. Her care for him came from the heart, and she was happy to receive his response, never feeling inferior.

But now, she knew Pei Yuan was a coiled dragon. If he so willed it, he would one day soar into the high clouds.

And when that time came, would she still be able to stand by his side?

“Are you tired?” Pei Yuan couldn’t bear to see Bao Ning looking so dejected. Feeling his tone had been too heavy just now, he softened his voice. “In a bit, we’ll find an inn, and I’ll let you rest for a while.”

“I’m not tired…” Bao Ning shook her head. She was about to say more when she was startled by a sound from the doorway.

Pei Yuan stood up straight to look. Jia Ling happened to look over as well, stretching his limbs. Before their eyes could meet, Pei Yuan quickly lowered his head.

Jia Ling’s eyes were misty with sleep, and he didn’t see Pei Yuan’s face clearly; he only saw a little beauty sitting under the tree. He didn’t know how he had fallen asleep and couldn’t quite remember the preceding events. After thinking for a moment, he let out a long “Oh—” and walked toward Bao Ning. “Is this Fifth Sister?”

He patted his own head and laughed. “Look at me, how rude. Fifth Sister is still here and I actually fell asleep. I’ve just been too tired lately. Are you back from Second Sister’s? Eh, where did your Big Sister go?” Jia Ling spun around looking for her.

Technically, he should have addressed her as the Fourth Prince’s Consort, but in his heart, he didn’t take Pei Yuan seriously. He ignored the title and used the seniority from Ji Xiangzhen’s side, calling her “sister” this and “sister” that.

Bao Ning thought to herself that things had gone wrong—how had he woken up so fast? Then she reconsidered; Jia Ling was a martial artist who had followed the Marquis of Chongyuan into a few minor battles. His physical constitution was good, so this wasn’t strange. But Big Sister wasn’t back yet… Bao Ning said, “Big Sister said her stomach hurt and she went out.”

Jia Ling believed her. He rubbed his forehead again and looked at Pei Yuan behind Bao Ning, asking, “Is this your guard?”

“Yes.” Bao Ning brushed him off, desperately wishing Jia Ling would just go back into the house.

“His physique looks quite good. I didn’t expect you to find such a talent,” Jia Ling laughed. “But why does he keep his head down? Lift it up, let me see what he looks like.”

Bao Ning’s palms were sweating; she absolutely could not let Jia Ling see Pei Yuan’s face. In a moment of desperate inspiration, she suddenly looked up and said, “Big Brother-in-law, look! What’s that in the sky?”

The effects of the drug hadn’t fully worn off, so Jia Ling followed her gaze upward in a daze. Bao Ning secretly nudged Pei Yuan’s arm. He caught on instantly, picked up a stone from the ground, and flicked it at the largest gardenia flower above Jia Ling’s head. With a thwack , the large petals hit Jia Ling in the face, and pollen rushed into his nose. Jia Ling blinked hard, then bent over, sneezing violently.

Bao Ning said, “How did Big Brother-in-law suddenly fall ill? Did you catch a chill?”

She beckoned a maid over. “Quickly, help your master into the room to rest!”

Jia Ling picked up the flower, clutching his nose. He wondered to himself: The flower isn’t even fully bloomed, why did it suddenly fall? But his head was groggy, and he didn’t have the energy to think too much. After an apologetic farewell to Bao Ning, he was led away by the maid.

Bao Ning breathed a sigh of relief.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Ji Xiangzhen hurried in from outside and walked up to Bao Ning. “It’s done!”

She continued, “I searched the hidden compartment for a long time and was nearly worried to death because I couldn’t find it. Then I realized Jia Ling had just tucked it into a stack of letter paper, placed quite openly on the desk. He is clever indeed—the best place to hide is in plain sight. The secret letter states that the day after tomorrow, the Emperor departs from the East Gate and will reach the canyon at Yandang Mountain about a quarter before noon. The Emperor will be in the third auxiliary carriage. The letter said ‘a total of three carriages.’ I added two strokes in front of the character for ‘three’ to change it to ‘thirteen.’ When Pei Xiao receives the letter, he will mistakenly think it’s the thirteenth carriage.”

Bao Ning and Pei Yuan exchanged a look. She said softly, “You’ve worked hard, Big Sister.”

“What hard work? It’s all for myself, so I can live better.” Ji Xiangzhen glanced toward the house. “Alright, you two should go. I’m going back to watch Jia Ling so he doesn’t get suspicious.”

The day was already late, and the sky looked overcast as if it were about to rain. It wasn’t convenient to travel the mountain roads, and given Pei Yuan’s poor health, they decided to stay at an inn for the night and leave the next morning.

They called the waiter to bring hot water. Pei Yuan and Bao Ning sat by the table. Bao Ning buried her head in a plate of fragrant melon seeds provided by the inn, while Pei Yuan watched her.

Seeing the pile of shells growing, Pei Yuan patted the back of her hand. “Stop eating. You’ll get an internal heat if you eat too many.”

Bao Ning stopped. She felt hungry, so she reached for some peanuts. Pei Yuan pinched her hand and asked, “Do you have nothing you want to say to me?”

“No.” Bao Ning looked at him in confusion. After staring for a moment, she realized Pei Yuan was referring to the wandering thoughts she’d had at the Marquis’s estate.

She wasn’t thinking about those things anymore. Those thoughts only surfaced occasionally; most of the time, she was quite enchanted by the present. Looking back, Bao Ning felt those few things she said to Pei Yuan were a bit embarrassing—both melodramatic and embarrassing. Eager to cover it up, she grabbed a handful of peanuts and asked, “Want some? I’ll peel them for you.”

Pei Yuan said, “Eat them yourself.”

Bao Ning pulled her hand back.

Pei Yuan gritted his teeth, truly wishing he could pry her head open to see what she thought about all day. She says those mysterious things out of nowhere and then refuses to mention them again, leaving him alone to ponder this and 그. He understood Bao Ning; he knew the insecurity and sensitivity deep in her heart, and he had been trying hard to make her feel at ease. He thought he had succeeded, but it seemed it was far from enough.

Pei Yuan then thought about Bao Ning mentioning Yuanzi.

Is it really necessary to have a child for her to be completely devoted? To tie her down with a child.

Pei Yuan rubbed his fingers together, just about to hook Bao Ning’s waistband, when he suddenly remembered—no, there was still business to attend to. There was one person he hadn’t dealt with yet.

A disgusting piece of work who played at being a ghost, clearly a man yet insisting on dressing as a woman.

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