Chapter 136: Golden Beans

Pei Yuan brought Bao Ning back to the Empress’s Changqiu Palace. New clothes were already waiting. Declining the Empress’s offer to help, Pei Yuan insisted on changing Bao Ning’s clothes himself.

Once the attendants were dismissed, the two of them were alone in the side hall.

Bao Ning seemed to be in high spirits. As she sat on the edge of the bed, Pei Yuan brought over warm water to wash her feet. She chatted with him cheerfully, even giggling when she described how Zhao Qian had dressed up as a ghost to scare people.

She recounted everything that had happened in Suoyang Palace from start to finish—only glossing over the palace maid whose throat she had slit. With a smile, she asked him, “Was I impressive?”

Pei Yuan crouched on the floor, ladling water over her ankles and rubbing them gently to warm her up. He looked up and said, “Impressive. As impressive as a little mother hen.”

Bao Ning asked, puzzled, “Why a hen?”

“Think about how you were just laughing,” Pei Yuan teased, mimicking her. “Cluck, cluck, cluck.”

“You are so annoying!” Bao Ning put on a pout, reaching out to pinch his nose.

Pei Yuan laughed and caught her hand. But the moment their fingertips met, he realized how icy her hands were. His heart sank.

Bao Ning knew her hands were cold too. She stiffened for a second, then pulled her hand back as if nothing was wrong, resting her chin in her palms to continue her story. “Did you see Pei Xiao’s face? He was stunned! Haha. He probably never imagined I was capable of lying. I knew exactly what he was trying to do, and I wasn’t about to let him have his way. Now he’s stuck with no way to explain himself. A-Yuan, tell me—wasn’t I incredibly smart back there?”

Pei Yuan used a cloth to dry her feet, then sat across from her. He said seriously, “Smart, impressive… and very brave. My Ningning was very brave.”

His sudden earnestness made Bao Ning feel a bit shy. She pulled her knees to her chest, swaying slightly as she murmured, “I mean, it wasn’t that big a deal…”

She remained curled up, and though she was still smiling, she didn’t dare look him in the eye.

Pei Yuan felt a sharp pang of heartache.

His Bao Ning was never like this. She was shy and modest, yes, but she was someone who knew how to lean on him. After what happened tonight, she should have thrown herself into his arms, told him she was scared, and cried out all her grievances. She should have wept openly, not acted like a little turtle retreating into its shell. She knew her behavior was abnormal, which was why she was chattering so much—trying to cover it up, trying to pretend she was happy.

What had she truly gone through?

Pei Yuan thought of the blood-stained garment—the one Bao Ning had just taken off, which had been soaked through with blood.

Whose blood?

“A-Yuan, I feel like I smell a bit… gross,” Bao Ning said, frowning. “Could you go to the Empress and ask for some scented powder?”

“How could my Ningning ever smell gross?” Pei Yuan took her by the wrist and pulled her into his arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling deeply. “You smell wonderful. Who said you smelled? Tell me, and I’ll go give them a beating for you.”

As he leaned in, Bao Ning’s body stiffened for a fleeting moment. Pei Yuan noticed.

“What is it, baby?” Pei Yuan coaxed in a low, soothing voice. He shifted his position, leaning against the headboard and pulling Bao Ning onto his lap so they were closer.

He asked softly, “Can I kiss you?”

Bao Ning slowly rested her head against his chest. She realized he had seen through her. The forced smile faded, and suddenly, she didn’t know what to say.

Pei Yuan gave her a gentle kiss on her eyelid. “Why did you want the powder?”

Bao Ning’s lips moved, but no sound came out. Her fingers just gripped his clothes tighter. Pei Yuan watched her hands, gently prying her fingers loose one by one. As he released the last one, a short, broken sob escaped her throat.

Pei Yuan paused, then interlaced his fingers with hers and held on tight.

He lifted their joined hands in front of her eyes and whispered, “Baby, look. I’m right here with you.”

Bao Ning’s mouth wobbled, looking like a little girl who had been deeply wronged.

Pei Yuan kissed the corner of her mouth, coaxing her. “Is there something you can’t even tell me? Tell me what happened. What was that blood on your clothes? You know I’ll always stand by you, so what is there to worry about?”

“A-Yuan…” Bao Ning’s eyes began to redden. She held it in for a few more seconds before suddenly breaking into a wailing sob. “I killed someone!”

Pei Yuan kept his eyes on her, his palm slowly stroking her back. “I know. I’ve got you.”

Bao Ning choked out between sobs, “I know… I know I had to kill her. She wasn’t a good person. But just a moment before, she was alive right in front of me. She was moving, she was talking. My hand touched her neck… it was so warm, so thin, and so fragile. When the knife cut in, her blood sprayed out. It was so metallic, so hot… She looked at me right before she fell. A-Yuan, I can’t describe that look. In that moment, I felt like… like I wasn’t clean anymore…”

She was crying so hard that Pei Yuan’s own eyes began to sting. But hearing that last part, he couldn’t help but give a small, sad smile. “What nonsense are you talking?”

Bao Ning’s shoulders shook violently. “How can one person have so much blood in their neck? It just kept gushing out. My clothes were soaked. It was so sticky… I feel like the smell of blood is everywhere. Even after changing, the smell is still there. It’s stuck in my nose.”

“It’s not your fault,” Pei Yuan said, wiping away her tears. “She was trying to hurt you. She deserved what she got.”

Bao Ning nodded tearfully. “I know, but I’m scared. Every time I close my eyes now, that’s all I see. In the darkness, she’s staring at me, and the blood from her neck is about to drown me.”

Pei Yuan was dying of heartache. He didn’t know what words could possibly comfort her, so he simply kept kissing her eyes, kissing away every tear that fell.

He understood how she felt. Even in the frontier army, soldiers who went into battle for the first time would have nightmares for days. Watching someone be killed is entirely different from doing it yourself. Even if you know the person is an enemy, there is a primal fear in the moment the blade sinks in. After all, it’s a human being.

Bao Ning was just a girl who had been raised in a sheltered environment. She should never have had to experience this.

It was him. He was the one who had pushed her into the eye of the storm.

Pei Yuan felt a crushing weight of guilt, self-reproach, and regret. He asked himself: what was he doing all this for? If it was for money or power, he wasn’t that greedy. If it was for revenge or to clear the names of those from years ago—he had almost lost Bao Ning because of it. The price was too high; he couldn’t pay it. Was it to uncover the truth behind his mother’s death? She had been gone for over a decade. Was it worth torturing the living for the sake of the dead?

His Bao Ning should be carefree and happy, raising her dogs and sheep, running her little shop.

Instead, she was here, in the middle of a death trap with him. Even with all his power and foresight, he had failed to keep her safe.

Like today—he thought he had planned everything perfectly, yet he had still pushed her into such danger. Pei Yuan thought that if she blamed him, he might feel a bit better. But she didn’t.

Watching her cry like this… it truly felt like a knife was twisting in his heart.

Bao Ning’s crying eventually slowed. She struggled to open her tear-soaked lashes, reaching out dazed to brush a tear from the corner of Pei Yuan’s eye. “Why are you crying too…?”

Pei Yuan let out a soft, self-deprecating laugh. “What, your eyes are allowed to drop golden beans, but mine aren’t?”

He reached out to tweak her ear, teasing her gently. “You little liar. You little troublemaker.”

It tickled, and Bao Ning rubbed her eyes, finally letting out a small laugh.

The room fell quiet. Pei Yuan stopped talking, and Bao Ning leaned against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat and the distant sound of the night watchman’s clapper.

Bao Ning whispered, “It’s the third watch.”

Pei Yuan gave a lazy “Mm.”

Bao Ning nudged his shoulder. “You should go to Taiji Hall. The Emperor will be getting impatient.”

“If he’s really in a hurry, he’ll send someone to nag me.” Despite saying that, Pei Yuan allowed himself to be pushed up.

He looked down at Bao Ning, brushing away the hair clinging to her cheek.

“Go on,” Bao Ning said, lying down and looking at him from her side. “I’ll sleep for a bit, then you come pick me up. I’m picky about my bed; no matter how nice the Empress’s palace is, I won’t be able to settle. I want to go home to sleep.”

Pei Yuan promised he would. He leaned over to tuck her in and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”

Bao Ning smiled. She watched as Pei Yuan blew out the lamp and walked out, his tall silhouette disappearing behind the door curtain. Her smile faded instantly. She reached into her sleeve and pulled out the letter.

Consort Xian’s letter.

She hesitated, torn over whether she should tell him.

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