Chapter 139: The Letter

The age of this stationery was likely older than Bao Ning herself. Where on earth did she get it?

Pei Yuan’s initial instinct was to put it back. He didn’t suspect her of keeping secrets or doing anything behind his back; perhaps it was just a commentary on some ancient text, or maybe she had simply found the paper somewhere, thought it was interesting, and brought it home. Besides, it belonged to her. If he meddled without permission and Bao Ning found out, she would inevitably throw a tantrum.

He was already preparing to stuff the papers back into her clothes, but a lingering itch of curiosity nudged at him from the depths of his mind. Why not just take a quick look?

After a moment of hesitation, Pei Yuan openly pulled the papers out, walked over to the lamp, and smoothed them open.

He rationalized it to himself: at worst, he could just bring all the books and correspondence from his study later and let Bao Ning flip through them however she pleased. They would be even—fair and square, right?

What exactly was written on this?

The smile on Pei Yuan’s face instantly froze the moment he read the very first line.

He recognized the handwriting. It was his mother’s. It read:

To Mingshan, Personal and Confidential.

Something snapped in his brain like a taut string suddenly breaking. His eyelids twitched as his mind flashed back to a year ago—to the night he and Qiu Mingshan had completely broken ties. The reason for their fallout was deeply private; even with Wei Meng, Pei Yuan had only glossed over it vaguely because it was simply unspeakable.

How could he tell anyone else that General Qiu Mingshan, a man he had always respected and viewed as an elder, had lifted his robes in a deserted place and masturbated in a state of sheer, intoxicated ecstasy before the portrait of his Imperial Mother?

It disgusted him. It was utterly unacceptable.

And this letter before him…

Suppressing the rising agitation in his chest, Pei Yuan read it through, meticulously, word by word.

Those black ink strokes felt like countless sharp blades raining down on him, ripping everything he had ever believed in and desperately clung to into shreds. For a fleeting moment, as Pei Yuan stared at the text, the characters were all familiar, yet he couldn’t comprehend a single one. He even wanted to ask: Who is he? What does he even amount to in this world?

It was chaotic, filthy, and degrading.

He couldn’t bring himself to judge his mother with such vile words, so he could only judge himself instead. He felt like a piece of filth dragged out of a swamp—utterly repulsive.

The letter was both shameful and ridiculous. Rage boiled within him, yet he had no target to unleash it upon. All at once, he felt the very ground beneath his feet give way; he had lost all his leverage.

In what capacity was he supposed to stand in this imperial city? How was he supposed to face Emperor Zhou? And how was he supposed to face Bao Ning?

It was truly sickening to the core.

Pei Yuan’s fingers tightened unconsciously. The already brittle stationery crackled under his grip, tearing open a large rip.

His chest heaved. Finally unable to contain it any longer, he abruptly slammed his hand across the table, sweeping the teacups and dishes onto the floor in a violent crash.

Plump, ruby-red pomegranate seeds scattered everywhere. Blood welled from Pei Yuan’s palm, dripping down his fingertips and onto the floor, sliced by a blade left on the table.

As if completely numb to the pain, he expressionlessly folded the letter back up, returned it to its original place, and then knelt down to pick up the broken shards of porcelain.

Bao Ning was sitting by the courtyard gate peeling garlic with Nanny Liu, their chatter and laughter filling the air, when the violent crash from inside the room brought everything to a grinding halt.

Bao Ning’s heart dropped instantly, a faint, ominous premonition washing over her.

“What happened?” Nanny Liu stood up anxiously, looking to Bao Ning. “Should I go in and check?”

Bao Ning suddenly snapped to her senses. The letter! Where did she leave it?

After returning from the palace last night, she had been too exhausted and completely pushed it to the back of her mind. She was only remembering it just now.

Cold sweat broke out across Bao Ning’s forehead. She hadn’t even decided whether or not to show Pei Yuan, and if she did, how she would even bring it up. She couldn’t begin to imagine how he would react upon seeing it.

He respected his mother so deeply…

“Don’t go over there!” Seeing Nanny Liu moving toward the house, Bao Ning called out in a sharp, startled voice. Nanny Liu gasped, freezing in her tracks.

Realizing she had overreacted, Bao Ning forced a strained smile. “The garlic isn’t finished yet. The noodles are almost done, right? You watch over that, I’ll go in and check myself.”

Nanny Liu nodded in assent.

Her heart pounding against her ribs, Bao Ning took a deep breath and walked toward the door.

The letter should still be hidden in the clothes she wore yesterday. She had caught a glimpse of them when she went out earlier—they were folded right at the head of the bed.

Standing at the threshold, Bao Ning saw Pei Yuan looking perfectly normal, placing the last piece of broken porcelain into the spittoon. She let out a sigh of relief, but her eyes immediately snagged on his injured hand. The gash was long, and the blood hadn’t stopped, welling out and mixing with the pomegranate flesh on the floor. It was a gruesome sight.

Bao Ning gasped, rushing over to grab his wrist. “How did you do this?!”

Pei Yuan tapped the spittoon, his voice flat. “That broken bowl cut me.”

“Stop moving, I’ll have someone clean this up in a bit.” Bao Ning pushed him down into a chair and turned to look for the medicine box. “Let me wrap it for you.”

Pei Yuan leaned back, casually crossing his legs. “No need to make a fuss. It’s just a scratch, it doesn’t even hurt that much. I’ll make up for the blood loss by eating an extra piece of meat at dinner.”

Bao Ning gave him a suspicious look. Pei Yuan seemed no different than usual, yet something felt subtly off.

Bringing over the gauze and medicinal powder, she sat down beside him, resting his hand on her lap. As she began to bandage it, she asked, “What caused such a loud racket just now?”

“Just an accident,” Pei Yuan countered. “Was it that loud? I’ll be more careful next time.”

“All done.” Bao Ning placed his wrapped hand back onto his knee and instructed, “Keep it out of water for the next few days. Call me when you need to wash up.”

“I’m not that fragile.” Pei Yuan arched an eyebrow. Using his uninjured hand, he pulled Bao Ning into his lap, leaning down to nip at her lips. He murmured, “What’s this about? Running back in such a hurry just now—were you worried about me? Weren’t you just angry a moment ago, giving me the cold shoulder? I haven’t even coaxed you yet, and you’re already over it?”

“What are you talking about? You really don’t understand anything.” Bao Ning leaned against his chest and said softly, “I wasn’t actually mad. I was just teasing you. How could you take it seriously?”

Pei Yuan replied, “I did take it seriously, and my feelings were deeply hurt. How are you going to make it up to me? Say something sweet to comfort me.”

Bao Ning looked up at him, her cheeks flushing crimson. She turned her head away and said, “I won’t. I can’t bring myself to say it.”

Pei Yuan’s eyes darkened.

Right now, it felt as though a piece of his heart was missing—hollow and empty. Only when he held Bao Ning did he feel whole. He knew she must have read that letter too; she knew everything. Even though he knew she was as pure and innocent as white jade, that she wouldn’t care whether he was the real Fourth Prince or a fake one, that she didn’t care about empty titles and wouldn’t look down on him because of the sordid past of his elders—he still felt plagued by insecurity.

Bao Ning’s refusal only made him panic more.

“You have to say it.” Suppressing the restlessness in his chest, Pei Yuan avoided scaring her. He merely kissed her forehead gently, his voice carrying a note of pleading. “Bao Bao, I want to hear it.”

“Mm…” Bao Ning’s heart softened. She thought about it for a moment, then sighed. “I really can’t say it.”

Pei Yuan’s breath hitched for a fraction of a second. Testing the waters, he asked, “Why?”

Bao Ning said, “I was too playful when I was little and didn’t read many books. You only regret not studying when you actually need to use it. Right now, my mind is completely blank, and I can’t think of any pretty words at all!”

She tugged at his pinky finger, trying to negotiate. “Can I just kiss you instead?”

Pei Yuan shook his head. “No.”

Bao Ning dropped her head in frustration. A moment later, she looked back up, wrapping her arms around his neck and saying in a sweet, pampered voice, “A-Yuan, I like you the most. If I don’t see you for even a moment, I miss you terribly. You are the most handsome man I have ever seen, just like an immortal who dropped down from the heavens. Just looking at you fills me up without even needing to eat dinner—I suppose that’s what they mean by ‘a feast for the eyes.’ How can I possibly like you this much? Your eyes, your brows, and your lips are all perfectly etched onto my heart. Oh goodness, I just like you too much. I can’t live without you for the rest of my days.”

Pei Yuan remained silent for a long while before casually remarking, “It turns out the tutors were right when they said people should read more books.”

Bao Ning pushed him away crossly and hopped off his lap onto the floor. “I already told you I haven’t read much! You were the one who insisted on hearing it, and now you’re criticizing me. You’re so annoying.”

Pei Yuan burst out laughing.

Seeing him laugh, Bao Ning’s heart finally settled.

He definitely didn’t see the letter. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be this calm.

The savory aroma of meat sauce drifted in through the window. Nanny Liu knocked on the door and called out, “Your Highness, Your Ladyship, dinner is ready. Shall I bring it in now?”

Bao Ning answered, “Bring it in.”

They finished their meal peacefully, and just like any other day, Bao Ning went to take a bath. Pei Yuan sat on the threshold, holding an old comb Bao Ning no longer used, deliberately grooming the two dogs. His mind was elsewhere, and his grip was clumsy. He pulled too hard on A-Huang, who let out a sharp yelp and bolted, dropping the comb onto the floor.

Pei Yuan silently picked it up, cleared away the fur, and asked Jixiang, “Your turn. Coming?”

Jixiang gave him a sharp bark, tucked his tail, and ran away too.

Soaking in the wooden tub, Bao Ning wondered how on earth she was going to tell Pei Yuan about the letter. She had no right to hide it from him. Yet, she didn’t want him to be hurt because of it either. If she brought it up gently when he was in a wonderful mood, would that be better?

When was he at his happiest?

As she pondered the question, her face gradually flushed crimson.

She splashed a handful of warm water onto her face, steeling her resolve.

Pei Yuan stood out in the yard, letting the cold night wind blow against him for half an hour. Only when he was certain his emotions had entirely settled—that he was no longer agitated and free from any impulsive urges—did he stand up and walk back into the house.

The room was scented with incense. It was a very faint, sweet, and cloying aroma. Pei Yuan frowned slightly.

He sensed something was amiss.

Bao Ning’s voice drifted out from the inner chamber, soft and sultry. “Remember to lock the door.”

Pei Yuan turned back, bolted the door shut, and walked hesitantly toward the sound of her voice.

Bao Ning was reclining on the soft daybed. She wasn’t wearing her undergarments, covered only by a sheer layer of dusty-rose gauze. Propping her head up with one hand, her long hair fell loosely around her as she looked at him with an intensely loaded, inviting gaze.

Pei Yuan’s body, chilled by the night air, instantly flared back to life, burning hotter than it ever had before.

He heard his own throat click as he swallowed hard.

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