Volume 1, Chapter 180 – Regret and Letting Go

When Liu Ruyan opened her eyes again, she found herself on a street in Qingyang City.

Not far away stood her thirteen-year-old self, her hair arranged in two simple buns and her body clad in a red ruqun.

She was holding the hand of her six-year-old sister, Liu Ruxue, as they browsed the beaded hair ornaments at a roadside stall.

Liu Ruxue tipped up her little face and pointed at a pink velvet flower, her eyes sparkling.

“Big Sister, this one is pretty!”

“All right. I’ll buy it for you.”

Everything was so familiar, exactly as she remembered it.

Then, without warning, three black-robed figures appeared at the mouth of the alley. The leader’s gaze instantly locked on Liu Ruxue.

“An Extreme Yin Body… To think I’d encounter such a physique in a backwater like the Southern Region.”

Thirteen-year-old Liu Ruyan’s expression changed abruptly. She yanked her sister behind her and demanded,

“Who are you? What do you want?”

There was no answer.

Only a withered hand shooting toward Liu Ruxue with lightning speed.

“No!”

Her thirteen-year-old self threw herself forward in a frenzy, unleashing every last trace of spiritual power she possessed at the third layer of Qi Refinement, but it was like an ant trying to shake a tree.

A casual wave sent her crashing into the wall, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth.

Back then, she could only watch helplessly as that hand seized her sister. Liu Ruxue’s terrified cries pierced her heart like knives.

“Big Sister! Big Sister, save me!”

“Xue’er!”

She struggled to rise, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not.

Her vision blurred with agony and despair. All she could see was her sister’s tiny figure being carried away until it vanished at the end of the alley.

Her thirteen-year-old self lay on the freezing ground, pounding it again and again as she sobbed her heart out.

Liu Ruyan stood a short distance away, watching in silence.

This was her first life.

It was the deepest wound in her heart, one that had never truly healed.

She had thought she had already made peace with it.

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In this life, she had entered the Immortal Palace, found an excellent Master, and advanced by leaps and bounds in her cultivation. Her sister was safe and sound, and her family’s status had risen along with her success.

But when the scene was laid bare before her once more,

that crushing helplessness, the guilt carved into her bones, and the thirst for power that followed still engulfed her like a raging tide.

The illusion seemed to sense the violent surge of her emotions and began to twist and shift.

The scene changed to her second life, when her sister’s Dao foundation had been utterly ruined after she cultivated a technique that conflicted with her physique, leaving her gravely ill and bedridden.

Little Xue’er’s face was as pale as paper. She held Liu Ruyan’s hand, her breath faint and faltering.

“Big Sister… don’t be sad… Xue’er is fine…”

Then came the sight of Liu Ruyan searching for medicinal pills that could rebuild her sister’s Dao foundation, only to eventually fall to the demonic path, her hands drenched in blood.

Liu Ruyan trembled slightly.

Without strength, she could not even protect those dearest to her.

Without strength, gentleness and kindness were nothing but laughable luxuries.

Without strength, she could only watch tragedy unfold before her eyes, then be trapped in an endless cycle of reincarnation.

She slowly clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms and bringing a sharp, undeniable pain.

The scene before her shifted once more.

It was this life, inside the main hall of Yaochi Immortal Palace.

Master placed the jade slip containing the Lunar Profound Canon into her sister’s hands, her gaze gentle yet assured.

“This is the Lunar Profound Canon, a profound-rank high-grade cultivation technique. Its nature is one of extreme yin and cold, making it the technique best suited to you.”

Liu Ruxue’s eyes widened in delight. She hugged the jade slip tightly, her little face glowing as never before.

Master…

That figure, cool and distant as the moon, who nevertheless guided them whenever they were lost and sheltered them whenever danger struck.

“Cultivation techniques and divine abilities are neither righteous nor evil.”

“They are righteous when used for righteous ends and evil when used for evil ones. What matters is not the art, but the heart, and the purpose for which it is used.”

Master’s words rang in Liu Ruyan’s heart once more, clear and calm, yet seemingly imbued with the power to cut through every delusion.

Liu Ruyan slowly relaxed her clenched fists.

She looked at her thirteen-year-old self within the illusion, her face streaked with blood as she wept in despair, and her gaze gradually softened.

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She walked over, crouched beside that illusory version of herself, and reached out to gently stroke “her” head.

Though all her fingers touched was insubstantial light and shadow.

“Don’t cry.”

She spoke softly, her voice carrying the hard-won acceptance of one who had endured lifetimes of reincarnation.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Xue’er is doing well in this life. So is the family… You can rest easy now.”

As her words faded, the weeping girl in the illusion gradually melted away like snow beneath the sunlight.

At that moment, her Dao heart grew firmer still.

The golden mist dispersed completely.

She found herself still standing on the martial practice ground, surrounded by other disciples whose eyes remained closed as they underwent the assessment.

On the raised platform, Elder Die Wu was watching her with a smile in her seven-colored eyes. She gave Liu Ruyan a slight nod.

Liu Ruyan drew a deep breath, then solemnly bowed toward Elder Die Wu.

Meanwhile, when Gu Luoli opened her eyes again,

she found herself back in her meditation chamber at Qingyun Sacred Land.

The air was thick with the fragrance of medicinal herbs and the faint tang of blood.

Creak.

The door was shoved open.

Several men and women dressed in inner disciple robes walked in.

The one in the lead was Zhao Wuji, who had once gone to every length to curry favor with her but now wore an openly mocking expression.

“Well, if it isn’t our Holy Maiden. Why are you sitting on the floor? It must be awfully cold down there!”

Zhao Wuji folded his arms and looked down at her double pupils, his eyes brimming with greed.

“I heard your Dao foundation… is ruined?”

“Tsk, tsk. Those double pupils of yours truly are enviable…”

A sharp-faced female disciple beside him glanced at Gu Luoli and warned,

“Senior Brother Zhao, the Sacred Lord has issued an order. You’d better not get any ideas about her.”

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“We should hurry up and leave…”

“What are you afraid of?”

Another short, plump disciple snickered.

“The Holy Maiden used to ignore us completely. Now that she’s finally become approachable, shouldn’t we show her a little more concern?”

“Concern?”

Senior Brother Zhao sneered.

“What is there to care about in a cripple with a damaged Dao foundation?”

“I think you’re just lusting after her.”

The short, plump disciple smiled sheepishly.

“I won’t hide it from you, Senior Brother. I’ve liked her ever since I first entered the sacred land. Now that I finally have a chance…”

“Heh-heh… I can’t exactly let it slip away, can I?”

A female disciple beside them seemed unable to stomach any more. She glared at him and snapped,

“She may no longer be the Holy Maiden, but the Sacred Lord once treated her like a daughter. Even if she’s a cripple now, she still isn’t someone you can touch.”

“I suggest you put those thoughts out of your mind…”

Each grating word cut into Gu Luoli’s dignity like a knife, slicing away at it piece by piece.

Once, she had been the brightest rising star of Qingyun Sacred Land. Blessed with the ancient double pupils, she had even been regarded as a candidate to become the next Sacred Lord.

Countless fellow disciples had looked up to her, and countless elders had placed high hopes in her.

Then a single calamity had turned her world upside down.

She possessed double pupils capable of seeing through everything, yet the one thing she had failed to see through was the human heart.

How tragic… How bitterly ironic.

Just then,

the illusion suddenly rippled!

An entirely different scene intruded upon it, overlapping and merging with the meditation chamber at Qingyun Sacred Land!

It was the main hall of Yaochi Immortal Palace.

It was shortly after Master had brought her back.

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She raised her head and saw a sweep of silver hair, cool as moonlight, and a pair of eyes as placid as a deep pool.

“Now that you have entered Yaochi Immortal Palace, from this day forward, you are simply Gu Luoli, my Third Disciple.”

Master’s voice was not impassioned, yet it carried a power that could soothe all turmoil and despair.

Then more scenes flashed past in fragments:

Master bestowed the Three-Light Divine Water upon her to help restore her Dao foundation, then taught her the cultivation technique Lingxu Heavenly Eye, which surpassed even heaven rank.

On Cloudmist Peak, Deputy Palace Master Yun Yun patiently guided her in swordsmanship and told her,

“The path of the sword reflects the person who walks it. What matters most is purity and conviction. Since you have been granted a new life, you should forge a new sword heart.”

Within the secret realm, she fought side by side with Second Senior Sister Liu Ruyan. Her double pupils pierced through all falsehoods, while the radiance of the Dragon Abyss Sword cleaved through powerful enemies.

And there was First Senior Sister A-Yao, who would always gaze at her with wide, innocent eyes and offer her a spirit fruit.

“Third Junior Sister, try this one. It’s really sweet.”

…

The two utterly different lives collided violently within her mind!

On one side were the taunts of her former fellow disciples at Qingyun Sacred Land and the humiliation of being treated as “worthless.”

On the other were the warmth and acceptance of Yaochi Immortal Palace, and the precious feeling of being cherished as “family.”

Now, she was simply Gu Luoli of Yaochi Immortal Palace.

She was no longer the “cripple” whose Dao foundation had been damaged.

Everything she had persisted in had always sprung from her true heart and her own will.

And… from the new life and recognition Master had given her!

She looked into the void as though seeing through the illusion to that sweep of silver hair.

“My double pupils are a gift, but they do not define the whole of me. Even if these eyes truly were ruined…”

She paused. Within her double pupils, that spark of golden light suddenly flared with searing brilliance!

“I, Gu Luoli, would still be Gu Luoli!”

The instant her words fell, every scene before her cracked apart piece by piece like shattered glass, then vanished!