Chapter 56 – Ancestor Mu!

【Kan Chaoyan once got so scared during a mission at twenty years old that he wet his pants, hahaha.】

Deng Xingchao and the others turned to stare wide-eyed at Kan Chaoyan.

“Is that true? You actually peed your pants?”

They simply couldn’t imagine it. Kan Chaoyan, the man who always handled everything with calm composure, being that cowardly?

Kan Chaoyan ground his teeth. “It’s fake.”

He would die before admitting to such a humiliating incident.

“That can’t be fake,” Deng Xingchao burst out laughing. “Her inner voice doesn’t lie! Kan Chaoyan, I always thought you were the steady one, nothing could shake you, but you actually wet yourself in fear? Hahaha!”

The others bit their lips hard, trying not to laugh and risk a beating.

Kan Chaoyan shot Deng Xingchao a look so dark it could kill. “If you laugh again, you won’t see tomorrow’s sun.”

Knowing full well he meant it, Deng Xingchao hurriedly backed away. “I don’t want to laugh, but I really can’t help it.”

After being suppressed by Kan Chaoyan for years, it finally felt good to have the upper hand.

【Haha, Comrade Old Kan wet his pants! Such a big man and still peeing himself. Shame, shame, shame!】

Kan Chaoyan’s face turned black.

He’d well and truly shot himself in the foot.

Deng Xingchao spread his hands. “This time, it’s not me laughing at you. If you want to hit someone, hit Mu Nanjin.”

Kan Chaoyan: “……”

【Ugh… the Grand Princess’s son has kidnapped another commoner girl. Outrageous! Let’s go wipe him out.】

Mu Nanjin shot to her feet.

Kan Chaoyan quickly grabbed her. “Mu girl, where are you going?”

“We’re going to catch the Grand Princess’s son.”

“I already sent people to capture him,” Kan Chaoyan lied smoothly. “You just stay here.”

“Oh.”

Mu Nanjin obediently sat back down.

【The Prefect of Wuzhou embezzled half the silver allocated by the court again. The embankments definitely won’t get repaired this year. The commoners will suffer again. Damn it, I’m going to Wuzhou to cut him down myself!】

She had barely warmed her seat before jumping up again in fury.

Kan Chaoyan pressed a hand to his forehead. “Where are you going now?”

“We’re going to chop off the Wuzhou Prefect’s head.”

“It’s already chopped.”

“Oh.”

Mu Nanjin sat back down again, then suddenly stood up.

Kan Chaoyan rubbed at his temples, feeling a migraine coming on. “What is it this time?”

【Hahahaha!】

Kan Chaoyan and Deng Xingchao exchanged a look.

“What’s she laughing at?”

【Hahahaha!】

The Jinyiwei drinking in the front hall froze mid-toast.

Captain Liu’s fellow officer, Captain Pan, took a sip of wine and asked, “How is her inner voice reaching this far?”

“This isn’t even far for her,” Captain Liu grumbled. “She can probably make the whole capital hear her.”

Chen Liangli’s earlier joke about jinxes had come true. Mu Nanjin’s inner voice had spread throughout the entire capital.

Officials eating dinner in their own mansions suddenly jumped to their feet, eyes darting warily around them.

At the Left Chancellor’s residence, the Left Chancellor stalked to the hall entrance and looked around nervously.

“Damn it! Why does her voice still haunt me? I can hear her even at home. Don’t tell me she’s nearby?”

His wife looked at him curiously. “Who are you talking about?”

“No one.”

He sat back down. But before he could take another bite, his wife twisted his ear sharply.

“Tell me! If you don’t, you’re sleeping outside tonight!”

“Ah, nothing! I really can’t say, it concerns our family’s lives!”

Tears streamed from his eyes as he winced in pain.

Hearing that, the Left Chancellor’s wife immediately released him, half-suspicious. “Really?”

“Would I dare lie to you?” he said miserably.

“Good. You wouldn’t dare.”

He rubbed his aching ear, silently cursing Mu Nanjin to high heaven.

And just then, another heart voice echoed.

【Last night, His Majesty bedded the Virtuous Consort. But before half a cup of tea’s time passed, it was all over! Hahaha! Your Majesty, your kidneys are failing. You’d better get the Imperial Physician to treat you. Keep this up, and in half a year, you won’t be ‘rising’ again.】

Every official in the capital: “……”

Inside the Tai Jin Hall, the Emperor’s hand trembled, his brush carving a thick black line through the memorial, ruining it.

“Mu Nan Jin!”

He slammed the table and stood up furiously. “Where is Mu Nanjin?”

Chief Eunuch Shou hurried forward. “Your Majesty, Guard Mu has not entered the palace.”

“She hasn’t entered the palace? Then why can I hear…”

He cut himself off, seething.

Taking a deep breath, he strode outside and shouted, “Young Master Tian Yuan, do you know where Mu Nanjin is?”

A calm voice drifted down from the rooftop. “She’s in Xiaoqing Tower in the inner city, having dinner.”

“The inner city?” The Emperor’s eyes widened. “That far from the palace, and I can still hear her?”

Even Tian Yuan was intrigued. How could inner voices carry that far?

Soon after, the Empress Dowager sent one of her palace maids to deliver the Emperor a steaming bowl of lotus seed and lamb bone tonic soup.

The Emperor looked at the hearty, “nourishing” soup, his face darkening to pitch black.

Meanwhile, in Xiaoqing Tower.

Kan Chaoyan and Deng Xingchao were nearly on their knees before Mu Nanjin.

Kan Chaoyan looked ready to cry. “Ancestor Mu, please, I beg you, stop letting your thoughts run wild!”

Deng Xingchao snapped, “This was all your stupid idea! We didn’t even get the answers we came for, and now you’ve exposed the Emperor’s bedroom secrets! Thank heaven His Majesty isn’t here, or we’d all be dead!”

Tang Jingrui frowned. “How about we tap her acupoint to stop her from thinking too much?”

“Good idea.”

Kan Chaoyan reached toward Mu Nanjin’s neck.

Mu Nanjin lifted her head. “Comrade Old Kan, what are you doing?”

“…Tapping your acupoint.”

“Acupoint?” Her eyes blinked with innocent confusion. “You mean my pressure point?”

“Mn.”

“This kind of skill doesn’t work on me.”

Kan Chaoyan: “……”

Deng Xingchao raised his hand and chopped toward the back of her neck.

Mu Nanjin turned her head. “Comrade Old Deng, what are you doing?”

He improvised on the spot. “You’re drunk. I’m just giving you a massage to clear your head.”

Kan Chaoyan snorted. Who would believe such a lousy excuse?

But the drunken Mu Nanjin was surprisingly gullible. She nodded solemnly. “Your strength is too weak. It’s just tickling.”

Deng Xingchao: “……”

【Hehe, assassins are coming.】

Kan Chaoyan and the others instantly stiffened, their eyes sharpening as they prepared an ambush.

A few moments later, the assassins slipped into Xiaoqing Tower’s back courtyard.

“Lord Mu, your dishes are here!” a server shouted loudly from the front.

Following the sound, the assassins saw a server push open a private room door and enter.

Through the open door, they spotted a woman in Jinyiwei uniform sitting at the table, surrounded by officials from the Ministry of Rites.

The leader whispered, “That’s her.”

Once the server left, they crept forward and kicked the door open, only to freeze.

The room was filled with high-ranking Jinyiwei, all of Colonel rank or higher.

Before they could react, a blade flashed, piercing the leader straight through the heart.

He fell dead on the spot.

“Ambush! Retreat!” shouted one assassin, dragging the body as they fled.

But outside, the courtyard was packed with Jinyiwei, no fewer than three hundred of them.

They covered every roof and alleyway.

If they hadn’t double-checked the signboard, they’d have thought they’d broken into the Command Office itself.

“Didn’t they say Mu Nanjin was just dining with the Ministry of Rites officials? Why are there so many Jinyiwei here?” one assassin muttered.

“She must have invited them too. I’ll clear the path, you all escape!”

The leader charged forward with his sword.

Kan Chaoyan barked, “You’re no match for him! Stand aside!”

The Jinyiwei immediately moved back, leaving an opening.

The assassins seized the chance and fled the tower.

Before leaving, they even glanced once more at the plaque above the gate, “Xiaoqing Tower,” just to be sure, before vanishing into the night.

In the courtyard, Deng Xingchao asked, “We’re not chasing them?”

Kan Chaoyan sheathed his sword. “We already know who they are. There’s no point in forcing a fight to the death. It’s not the right time to turn this into open conflict.”

Deng Xingchao turned to the others. “All right, everyone, eat and drink.”

【Hahaha!】

Kan Chaoyan and Deng Xingchao’s faces both changed. They bolted back into the room.

“Mu girl…”

Mu Nanjin, who was reading gossip in high spirits, looked up.

“You’ve eaten enough. We’ll send you home.”

She blinked, thinking hard. “But I don’t remember eating anything, only drinking wine.”

“You’ve eaten plenty! Just ask Tang Jingrui, he saw it.”

Tang Jingrui nodded stiffly.

“Now that you mention it, my stomach does feel full.”

Tang Jingrui: “……”

You drank half a jar of liquor. Of course you’re full.

“Let’s go. We’ll take you home.”

Fearing she might change her mind, Kan Chaoyan and Deng Xingchao each grabbed one of her arms and hustled her out of Xiaoqing Tower, escorting her all the way back to the Mu residence.

Mu Nanjin dozed off in the saddle as her horse clopped along. Once home, they carried her to bed before finally sighing in relief.

Outside, Kan Chaoyan wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Never again are we letting her drink.”

Deng Xingchao asked, “Do you think she’ll remember tonight and realize we can hear her thoughts?”

“She’s simple-minded. She never overthinks anything. When she wakes up, she probably won’t give tonight a second thought. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have dared get her drunk.”

“Then I’m relieved. Let’s go finish that drink.”

Mu Nanjin slept straight through to dawn. When she woke, she wasn’t hungover at all. In fact, she felt refreshed. The only problem was this.

She’d blacked out.

Her last memory was of Captain Liu leading a toast. Everything after that was a blank.

“Nothing weird happened after that… right? How did I get home? I don’t remember a thing.”

She sighed. “Drinking really is trouble.”

After breakfast, she mounted her horse and headed for the Command Office.

At the gate, the guards told her all the Jinyiwei who’d gone drinking last night had been summoned to the palace, and that she was to go too.

At the great plaza before Tai Jin Hall, Mu Nanjin arrived to find rows of Jinyiwei and Ministry of Rites officials standing stiffly under the sun, five lines deep, looking utterly miserable.

Passing eunuchs and maids all glanced their way curiously.

Mu Nanjin approached. “Why are you all standing here?”

Captain Liu gave a dry laugh. “The Censorate reported us to the Emperor. They said we went drinking together at Xiaoqing Tower.”

“The Censorate’s information travels that fast?”

Everyone: “……”

With over a thousand officials riding in full uniform through the streets, it would have been a miracle not to get reported.

The worst part was that they’d just gone for dinner, but the Censorate had described it as “visiting prostitutes,” insulting beyond words.

Mu Nanjin frowned. “What’s wrong with eating at Xiaoqing Tower?”

Captain Liu explained patiently, “Eating isn’t the issue. The issue is where. Xiaoqing Tower is considered a brothel. Going there in uniform tarnishes the court’s reputation.”

“So if we go without uniforms, it’s fine?”

Captain Liu said nothing. His silence was answer enough.

【No wonder those Censorate officials always change into casual clothes before visiting brothels, and even redeem the courtesans to keep as concubines at home.】

【Noted. Next time I invite people to dinner, I’ll tell them to change first.】

Jinyiwei and Ministry officials: “……”

Inside Tai Jin Hall, the Censorate officials who had been gleefully tattling turned crimson, unable to continue speaking.

The other officials all smirked at them.

You’ve always loved reporting on us. How does it feel now?

【If the Censorate can report people, why can’t the Jinyiwei?】

【Our Left Division’s duty is to gather intelligence and secretly monitor officials. Don’t tell me the Jinyiwei don’t know the Censorate’s little secrets.】

【Oh right, there’s that Censorate Inspector, Pu Mingzhe. He took twenty thousand taels in bribes to cover up the Wuzhou Prefect’s embezzlement of the flood-control funds. We should report that to the Emperor! Let’s see if they dare accuse us again after this!】

Jinyiwei and Ministry officials: “……”

There was no need to report it. The Emperor had already heard every word.

From within Tai Jin Hall came his furious voice.

“Left Censorate Minister! Right Deputy Minister! Do you know your crimes?”

Both men dropped to their knees with a thud.

Had they known Mu Nanjin would expose them, they would have never tattled this morning.

The Emperor trembled with anger, pacing before the throne.

“You don’t even know your own subordinates are corrupt. How can I expect you to supervise others? How dare you lecture me on discipline!”

The two officials dared not breathe a word.

“Effective immediately, you are stripped of office, but remain provisionally to investigate the Wuzhou matter within one month. Your futures depend on the results.”

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

They scrambled to their feet and retreated, not daring to linger another second.

With no one left to submit petitions, Chief Eunuch Shou declared court adjourned.

As the Emperor left for his study, Mu Nanjin stood in the plaza, sulking.

【Why did the old Emperor just leave like that? Doesn’t he remember we’re still standing here? Good thing I ate breakfast, or I’d be starving by now.】

Everyone: “……”

Just then, as the officials were leaving Tai Jin Hall, Mu Nanjin suddenly felt a powerful aura sweep toward them from behind.