Chapter 48: Realization

Chapter 48: Realization

Kouya’s POV

AZUSA was straddling my stomach as she ran a box cutter along her wrist and glared down at me. Her usual innocence took a backseat to a serious, challenging voice.

Azusa made this aggressive move the moment we got back to the mansion. Once I dropped her off at her room, I returned to my room to change as I usually do. I removed the dreadful contact lenses and pulled off my coat, when a reserved knock came from the door. I concentrated my awareness to sense she was in front of my room and found myself tackled the moment I opened the door to see what was up. She pushed me against the ground and straddled my stomach to keep me from getting back up.

Then she pulled out a box cutter and presented me with this ultimatum, “Please decide whether you prefer me to force my blood on you or if you are going to take a drink for yourself.”

At the time, I didn’t even try to comprehend what she was saying as her erratic, impulsive actions took me by complete surprise. My brain gradually shifted from her presence on top of me to decoding what she said. Put simply, she found out. Either Tsukiharu or Youta pointed out my need for blood, resulting in her apprehension I might die.

If I put my real thoughts into words, it would have been, “You should just leave me be.”

Instead, I said, “I don’t understand your desperation.”

“I don’t want you to die, obviously!”

I didn’t know how to react to her instant reply.

I’m on the side that abducted her and locked her in this town. While she may have come to trust me somewhat for her survival, I can only see everything going in a positive direction for her if I die. With me gone, the extent I observe and report back on her will disappear with me, and she’ll be free of my nagging. Most of all, I’m sure she would enjoy her life more if the person she was stuck with all the time was better with words. I believe she has more perseverance than most people considering how she doesn’t complain about having her actions limited or being watched 24/7 by a man who can’t even crack a joke.

My heart ached at the thought. I couldn’t breathe when I realized I just logically explained how she could never wish for me to stay alive. Many people find my existence a nuisance. She is simply one of many. Even so, it deeply pains me. Despite her not fearing my eyes, despite her happily approaching me, I am just a nuisance to her in the end. I’m nothing more than a nuisance in her life. If that is the case, what reason could she have to not wish me dead?

I pondered what benefit my living could have for her. And then it instantly hit me. Our contract. She gained a lot more freedom than before due to our contract. Maybe she thinks she would lose all her newfound freedom if I die.

The thought darkens my mood, making my words come out deeper and sharper than usual, “Even if that were to happen, it has nothing to do with you. You can just switch over to Ichi as your contractor.”

For some reason, I couldn’t say, “Ichi or Subaru”. Naturally, I have no intentions of dying any time soon, but I thought if anything were to happen to me, another woman would be best to take over the contract with Azusa. It’s not something I brought up out of consideration of Azusa’s feelings, but to satisfy my own ego.

My response must have rubbed Azusa the wrong way, because she snapped at me, a little red in the face.

“It does have something to do with me! I will be sad if you die, Kouya! I will cry! My eyes will turn bright-red with all the tears! Did you know rabbit eyes are red because they cried a lot from being lonely?”

“……”

“You never change,” I said aloud what I meant as an internal thought. I heard those words once before. The memory of the days she has likely forgotten crossed my mind, slightly soothing my mood. I felt like her words finally reached me. She said she was sad. She said she would be sad and lonely if I die.

“Will you be lonely if I die?” I questioned to ascertain the truth.

She pursed her lips as if to prove how obvious it was with not just her words, but also her actions. “Of course I would be lonely and sad if the person I love dies! Ah, um, by love I mean I love you as a person I know!”

“The person I love.”

I felt as if a rock had just fallen in my stomach.

So that’s it. I love Azusa, I suddenly understood. Regardless of how desperately I rejected acknowledging her as a woman a short while ago, I was quickly convinced I loved her now. Thinking back, I had long since started viewing her as a woman, but I put a lid over those feelings. That lid just shattered.

Wanting to protect her and be with her wasn’t because of my orders. I just wanted to protect and be with her. About eighty percent of my wariness against Tsukiharu was out of jealousy. I just despised him for having her to himself for hours on end while she attended school. It’s an undeniable fact I kept a wary eye on him as the dangerous entity who abducted Azusa and blew a gigantic hole in my gut, but I believe my jealousy ran rampant beyond that.

Coming to that understanding left me laughing. Just what had I been worrying for? What was I thinking? Azusa must have taken my laughter the wrong way, because she angrily pounded her fists against my chest.

“Kouya!”

“Sorry, sorry. Is that why you were crying?” I asked, partly to change the topic and partly in anticipation.

Her shoulders slumped and her face twisted with indescribable sadness.

“That is definitely one of the reasons, but I’m mortified you won’t rely on me when you are in such a bad state… You are always saving me, but I haven’t been able to return the favor even once yet. Moreover, I am the reason you are this desperately in need of blood, right? You may have just contracted with me to keep tabs on me, but we did contract, and yet you won’t rely on me when things are critical. I started thinking I really am useless...”

By the time she finished talking, her voice dropped to a carrying whisper and she hung her head like the wind had been taken out of her wings. Despite that, her prior anger still lingered enough for her to turn away and only glare at me with her eyes.

“You were thinking all that?” I asked, surprised by her unexpected response. She slowly nodded. It made me happy. I thought I misheard her say the reason she cried was because she wanted me to rely on her more. I ran what she said through my head several times, leading to the same answer every time.

I’m way too happy about this.

Before I realized it, I extended my hand out to stroke her pouting cheek. Her eyes suddenly turned misty. She tried to hide her tears by rubbing at her eyes with her sleeves, so I came up with the random excuse it would make her eyes swell to move her hands out of the way. I wanted to see what she looked like when she cried. My eyes met with hers, which held a look of offense. My lips curled into a half-smile. She really is a girl of a hundred faces.

“Sorry.”

“You should be!”

“I really am sorry.”

“We wouldn’t need the police if apologies solved all problems!”

“Forgive me.”

“I will not!”

“What must I do for you to forgive me?” I asked.

I’ll do anything for you.

I looked up to see she was still displeased. There was nothing scary about being glared at with puffy eyes, but I bit my tongue to keep from saying what would further incite her wrath and waited for her to speak instead.

“…I want you to rely on me more.”

After hearing her say that, I thought, Aah, it’s no use. I don’t think I’ll be able to let go of her after this.

I always thought I would help her with all my strength should she someday want to leave this town. I would even go up against the Patriarch and bring her somewhere safe. But now that she had to go and say something like that, I wanted to keep her with me. Even though I could never bring her happiness.

Right now, even her averted gaze is dear to me. I put both my hands on her face and turned it toward me.

“Will you let me have your blood?”

“Wrong.”

“…Please let me have a drink?”

“What am I—some bartender you don’t know?”

“Let me drink your blood.”

“…Okay, go ahead,” Azusa said with a brilliant smile. Her infectious smile got a smile out of me too, which seemed to only make her smile more.

I got her to put away the box cutter and held out my arms to invite her in, but she turned bright-red with embarrassment. I wanted to tell her to think about the position she was already sitting in, but decided not to. She was likely unaware of the fact she was currently straddling a man’s stomach. It would be a waste if I pointed it out and she ran away. Somehow, thinking about stuff like this isn’t like me.

Elated, I asked, “Aren’t you coming?”

But she refused several times, saying how hard it would be for her to do, so I decided to be the one on top. I reversed our positions and placed her below me this time. I brought my face near her neck. Her scent numbed my rational thought. Perhaps it’s because I was in such dire need of blood my heart thudded against my chest, and I started breathing heavily.

It was then I felt her hands trembling against where she grabbed a clump of my shirt. I slowly pulled back and examined her face. She pinched her lips in a straight line and turned her neck to the side to expose it to me. I frowned with a guilty conscience thinking I scared her again.

“Want to stop? You’re scared, aren’t you?” I asked. She looked at me in shock.

“You were scared the last time too. Want to save it for another time? Nothing bad will happen to me anytime soon.”

“I’m not scared! I’m embarrassed is all! Also, I just hate the pain… I will be fine, so please continue!”

She said it’s fine, right? Not my fault if she regrets this later.

“Want to bite down on me then? I can’t do anything for your embarrassment, but won’t this help alleviate the pain a little?” I suggested, undoing my shirt button and pointing to my neck. I leaned toward her, positioning my neck next to her mouth. As my fangs pierced her flesh, a sweet sting tickled my neck.