◆Chapter 11: Hi, I’m Boss Lady
◆Chapter 11: Hi, I’m Boss Lady
FROM the morning until the afternoon, I’ve been doing nothing but touching zombies. At no point in my life did I ever imagine myself spending my days surrounded by a stench fouler than ten rotten eggs stuffed into gym socks and set in the sun to putrefy. The eventual result of pushing through the smelliness for a way home and to help out Cia is—
“That was the last of the zombies in the capital city.”
“It’s finally OVERRR…!” I fall back on my butt on top of the drawbridge.
No matter how many times I experience the exhaustion that comes from the purification process, I can’t get used to it. It’s similar to when your arms and legs feel like lead after a hard workout. Purification fatigue is like having exercise exhaustion spread from head to toe. Pressure weighs down on my entire body, making my chest hurt and triggering dizziness attacks. I’m doing okay today, but it’s a sensation I’d rather not go through multiple times if I can avoid it.
“You truly worked hard, m’lady. Thank you. Please take the rest of the day off.”
“Thanks. You and the knights did good work, Lex… Is no one else resting?”
The knights look ready to go on another zombie hunt. Knights from the outer ward joined the patrol numbers—a total of fifty knights altogether—before crossing the drawbridge.
Sending a sidelong glance to that scene, Lex explains what’s going on while holding up his two frying pans. “I said that was the last of the zombies, but only as far as what we could lure here through sound. We can’t ignore the possibility of zombies still lurking within buildings, so we are going on a mission to hunt down the stragglers.”
The castle is overcrowded with people after all the zombies I’ve purified thus far. Frankly, it’s getting cramped in there. But the problem will be solved if we can guarantee the city’s safety. I amble to my feet and pat the dirt off my skirt.
“I’ll come too.”
“You don’t have to. You have already helped us more than enough today—”
“It’s all good. I don’t mind. I still have strength left because I purified fewer zombies today. Besides, isn’t it more convenient to have me around to purify on the spot?” I flash a grin to show him I’ve still got energy. Wanting to do something about our situation applies to me too. I’m not fond of passing out, but I want to do what I can.
“…Thank you very much, Lady Mizuha. In that case, I shall take you up on your offer.”
“Mm-hm. Let’s wrap this up!”
◆◆◆◆◆
I haven’t been to the city since we first ran for our lives through it. The sea of zombies prevented me from looking around at the time, but now that I can, I see the buildings are in shambles.
“In this condition, it’s going to take a while before people can actually live here even after we liberate it from the zombies.”
“That is an inevitable factor we must contend with. We will just have to work together to make repairs,” Lex says as he watches our surroundings.
Canals run through the city, and what looks like flowerbeds are located beside many of the homes. I’m sure it was a beautiful cityscape before the apocalypse. If possible, I would love to see it regain its former glory someday.
“But it sure is a relief to have more living people around. The castle has come alive again.”
“That is because zombies were everywhere at first. Now, people being present is much more reassuring than it was before.” Despite that being a good thing, Lex doesn’t look too happy about it. “However, the presence of people is worrisome in its own right. Various problems arise with an influx of people during a disaster.”
“Like spreading the word about not using light and keeping quiet at night,” I supply.
“The continued existence of our kingdom hangs in the balance—forcing compliance is inevitable.”
“Then there’s the food problem.”
“People are fighting over apples as it is.”
Even if there is an apple shortage, I’d rather not partake in spitting on the ground with the same repetition it takes to pound mochi or knead bread. Well, sure, I’ll do it under dire circumstances, but I can’t shake the feeling I’m giving up an important part of what it means to be a person.
“I hope to get our hands on grains soon.”
“Can we eat bread after that?”
“Wheat and grain need vast plots of lands to grow, so it will have to come after we secure the area outside the city walls.”
“Is the bread here crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside?”
“Grantz’s bread is the best in the world… It’s not an exaggeration to say it’s the most supreme bread in the universe. I guarantee the taste and texture will blow the brain juices right out of your head.”
“I’ll do my best. I’ll work for the sake of bread.”
Something that blows the brain juices out of your head is a bizarre way to phrase it, but I’ll just assume that means it tastes delicious. Part of the reason why I chose to work at my part-time job back home was because of how delicious the owner’s homemade bread was. Just remembering it is making me drool, so I quickly clamp my mouth shut. That was close!
But I wonder what kind of bread I can eat here. Immersed in imagining all types of baked goods, a sudden crash startles me. The noise came from inside a two-story house to my right.
“…Is it a zombie?”
“Let’s check!”
I follow Lex into the house. As a matter of course, the inside is dusty, the walls have cobwebs, and the wooden floors are cracked and damaged. Tiptoeing so as not to make a sound that’d attract the zombie, we ascend the staircase.
What I see on the second story causes me to blink. It’s not a zombie, but a man. He’s noisily rummaging through the drawers, squatting on the floor with his butt pointed at us.
“What are you doing there…?”
Jumping at the sound of Lex’s voice, the man reluctantly looks over his shoulder. He pulls the kind of face I’d expect to see accompanied by a cry of “Geh!” He looks to be in his early twenties. His wild two-block hairstyle complements his charming facial features, but his looks are ruined by his raggedy clothes.
“We warned everyone not to go into the city because it’s dangerous.” Lex steps forward intimidatingly. The man scoots back on his butt to reopen the distance.
“Ah, um, well…y-you see! My kid sister has been worried sick about her stuff so much that she can’t sleep at night, so I came here to get it for her. This is my house! I ain’t doing nothin’ suspicious!”
A blatant lie. He’s stammering like crazy, and I can see shiny objects that look like they’re worth a pretty penny poking out of his pockets and clasped in the hand he’s hiding behind his back. Nobody will believe his story.
“I see… Then I’ll overlook it this once.”
“Holy zombie stench! You believe him?! He’s lying through his teeth!”
“H-He is lying?”
Lex seriously didn’t pick up on it. There’s a limit to how trusting a person can be!
“There’s no other way to see it. If he really isn’t doing anything wrong, he would have discussed it with you and the other knights first. He’s probably stealing that stuff. From the amount he’s got on him, I’d say he’s stolen from other houses too.” I turn a suspicious eye on the man. He scrunches up his face as if he knows the jig is up.
“Tch! And here I had him eatin’ the lies outta my hand… You just had to go and say somethin’ unnecessary!”
Whoa. He’s spewing typical villain lines. I never thought I’d run into someone like this in real life. As I’m enjoying this moment that seems straight out of a story, the man assesses me with his eyes.
“You’re the Holy Priestess of Spit, aren’t’cha?”
“Not me. You have the wrong person.”
“Nah, I know a face when I see—”
“I know no one by that name,” I reply emotionlessly. Who in their right mind would acknowledge being called the Holy Priestess of Spit? Even if I go down in history with such a name, I will firmly deny it until the day I die.
“Ruffian! Never use the word spit with her name! We will only hear you out after that!”
“I-I don’t really get ya, but sure…whatever ya say.” The man gives a big nod in response to Lex’s frantic persuasion. Good boys. I’m fine as long as they get it. “Anyhow, shiny things like these serve no purpose in a world overrun by zombos. Get the picture? Let me off the hook, Miss Priestess. Aren’t ya a big shot?”
“I’m no priestess, and I’m not a big shot. For that matter, I don’t have the right or power to do anything with you. I’ll leave your fate to Lex.”
“You heard her. Come back to the castle with me without resisting.” Lex shuffles closer to the man.
“Damn it!” the man spits and leaps out the open window beside him.
I quickly run over to look out the window with Lex. The man lands without a scratch and hits the ground running. He’s a fast one.
“Lex!”
“Yes, m’lady! I will commence pursuit!” Undaunted, Lex jumps down and gives chase after the man.
I take the less dangerous path by using the stairs before running after them. As you’d expect of two fit adult men, their backs are already a good distance away. The surprising thing is that muscleman Lex is being left in the dust.
“He-he! Nobody is faster than me— Whoaaaaaaaaa?!”
A zombie plops down on the ground in front of the man, coming from the two-story house beside the road. Just as Lex feared, some zombies are still around. The abrupt appearance of the monster makes the man’s legs buckle.
“G-Go away! D-Don’t come any closer!”
He’s chucking his stolen loot at the zombie, but it shows no signs of slowing. “Bwaaah,” it cries, drooling as it reaches for him. But that hand never touches the man. Lex repels it with his shield.
“Y-Ya saved me!”
A split second after the man’s relieved shout, a zombie appears from the house’s first story. Either it’s because this zombie isn’t going “Bwaah bwaah” or because the man’s so utterly relieved that he doesn’t realize it’s sidling up to him.
“Run away! Zombie to your right!”
My shout finally makes him aware of the zombie. His legs must still be Jell-O because he can’t seem to stand up. The zombie wraps its arms around him.
“GAAAAAAAAAH!”
The man’s body is rotting before my eyes. I arrive at his side by the time his face is beginning to turn bluish purple. I push the zombie away from him, then follow up with a strong right hand thrust at the man, canceling out his “Bwahhh.” My open-handed slap ripped a nonzombie moan from him, but that’s just part of the job. At least, that’s how I look at it.
“Lady Mizuha, please take care of this one too!”
“Roger that!” By purifying the zombie Lex has pinned, I’ve secured our safety for the moment. “I can’t believe there really are some still left inside.”
“Indeed. That was a dangerous spot.”
After finishing my conversation with Lex, I hold out my hand to the man who’s still sitting on the ground. “Are you okay?”
Just when I think he’s too dumbstruck to speak, he mutters, “…Boss Lady Priestess!”
“Huh? Boss Ladyyyy?!”
“The name’s Rosso. That was one numbin’ hit!”
The man—Rosso—hops to his feet and looks at me with sparkling eyes. The suspicious thug look has been washed clean off his face. It’s been replaced with the expression of a boy who’s met the girl of his dreams.
“Stop, stop, stop! Why are you suddenly acting like my underling in a gang?! You’re clearly older and stronger than me!”
“Age and brawns ain’t got a thing to do with it. I was moved by your soul, Boss Lady!”
His 180-degree change confuses me to no end.
“Hey, Lex, talk some sense into him for me!”
“I get it, I totally get it, Sir Rosso!”
“No way…”
Lex places his hands on Rosso’s shoulders and nods in strong agreement. “I’ve been deeply moved by Lady Mizuha’s way of life too. I completely, thoroughly understand how you feel…!”
“Lex, my bro!”
“Sir Rosso!”
They firmly cross arms in a brotherly salute. They’ve totally hit it off together.
Gazing up at the sky, I think, What the heck is wrong with these people?!