◆Chapter 13: Boneless Ham
◆Chapter 13: Boneless Ham
THE evacuation of the people into the castle has been completed, and the knights are preparing to intercept a zombie attack. The black fog is still hanging overhead. Shifting my gaze slightly brings a darkening sky into view. Night is nigh.
“Big Sister…” Cia, escorted by two Royal Knights, comes to my side as I’m absently staring at the sky in front of the inner castle gate.
“What’s up? It’s dangerous for you to be outside.”
“But when I think of what happened last time…” Her thin voice trails off, her lower lip trembling.
I don’t blame her for being uneasy. Cia has seen firsthand the zombie horde lured by the black fog and the freakishly stronger night zombies. Smiling, I stroke her hair, brushing my finger along her chilled cheek.
“You’re the princess, right, Cia? Everyone will worry if they see you looking like that.”
“That is…a good point. A princess shouldn’t let her fears show on her face.”
“This time is different. We have lots of knights on our side. I’m sure it will work out.”
I was concerned those words wouldn’t be enough to ease her misgivings, but a commanding aura transforms her worried face to that of a princess. I’m always impressed by how mature she is at times like this.
“Please be careful, Big Sis.”
“Thanks. I’ll kick some zombie butt for you and the others.” I pose with both fists held up and turn to the Royal Knights behind me. “Take care of Cia.” They nod reassuringly and return inside the castle with the princess. Lex takes up position at my side as I watch her go.
“You are a truly brave young woman, Lady Mizuha.”
“Honestly, I want to run away at lightning speed… Not that there’s anywhere I can run to.”
“We, the proud knights of Grantz, shall protect you at all costs.” Lex raps his fist against his chest.
“I’m counting on you like my life depends on it…because it does.”
While I can handle the sluggish daytime zombies, the fact of the matter is that I can’t do a thing about the super night zombies alone. As pathetic as it is, I have little option but to rely on the knights.
“Well, let’s just hope that nothing happens.”
“Even if it does, we are fully prepared for it, m’lady. I don’t want to sound as if I am letting down my guard…but it will assuredly be all right.”
We have prepared two primary defense measures. One is the ropes we have pulled taut between the grooves in the merlon and the apple trees, creating a web of crisscrossing snares and nets. It’s constructed in such a way that zombies jumping from the outer walls into the wards will get caught in it. According to Pino, “with their rot-addled brains, they aren’t likely capable of the complicated thought necessary to navigate through the ropes without getting themselves snared like rabbits.”
I’ve played around in a rope jungle-gym used in an obstacle course before, and I clearly remember not making any forward progress when I relentlessly struggled to get out of it. This should work as long as they don’t chew their way through the ropes…
The buckets placed beside every knight are the second defense measure. Many more are stationed alongside the walls. Inside is water purified by my spit. Pino’s afternoon experiment taught us that the zombies are weakened by purified water. So this defense is putting that knowledge into practice.
Our preparations are as good as they’re going to get in the time we have. I don’t want a horde to show up, but if they do, we’re ready for them. Harboring mixed feelings of apprehension and boldness, I look at the black fog above. Instantly, the visible darkness deepens. Evidence that true night is upon us.
It’s quiet. Everyone is watching and waiting with bated breath. Nothing has happened yet. Had this been a groundless fear all along? I’m okay if that’s the case, but…
All of a sudden, the black fog slams down on us. The courtyard is caught in a whirlpool of confusion, but then a strong wind whooshes through, scattering the fog. What the heck was that? I sweep my eyes over the area, but the fog is gone. Maybe the danger has lifted?
I got my hopes up too soon.
Bone-chilling screeches can be heard in the distance, accompanied by the sound of shaking ground from all four directions. Before we knew it, countless silhouettes had appeared on top of the castle walls.
◆◆◆◆◆
“LIGHT the torches! They’re here!” Sir Oden’s orders thunder through the courtyard. We’d decided in advance to secure visibility by lighting the torches should they attack even when there was no light.
Flames burst to life all around, instantly brightening the darkness that shadowed our view. No sooner are the torches lit than we see a swarm of zombies on top of the ramparts. Even though an unimaginable number are already running along the walls, more and more keep joining their ranks by climbing up.
Zombies begin jumping off the walls into the castle grounds. The enemy is coming from all sides. We will be squashed under their sheer numbers if they come right at us, but…that’s not what happens. They get caught in our crisscrossed ropes, the myriad of snares hooking zombies as they find feet and hands entangled, all of these traps serving their purpose to reduce the swarm’s mobility.
But it’s too soon to relax. The zombies are violently struggling against the rope; some are even trying to chomp and rip their way through. Most damning of all, they’re plopping down off the castle walls faster than bubbles rising in roiling water. How long can rope last against these numbers?
“Men, use Lady Mizuha’s holy water!”
Per Lex’s orders, the knights throw the buckets of water onto the zombies. The rampaging zombies stop thrashing so vigorously, their movements slowing, becoming weaker. Their obnoxiously loud cries of “SKRIEEE!” die down to moans of “Bwahhh.”
“What a relief… It works even when they’re souped-up.”
The effect surpasses all expectations. I’m kind of torn to think they hate being doused in my spit that much, but it is what it is. Then again, someone who rejoices over being soaked in spit would be the wacky one, so their reaction isn’t all that strange.
As I’m thinking about completely worthless stuff like that, my thoughts are interrupted by Lex’s frantic shout.
“Lady Mizuha! May I ask you to purify them?!”
“You’ve got it!”
“I shall accompany you!”
The knights are using sasumatas—six-and-a-half-foot-long poles with wide U-shaped prongs on the end—to restrain the arms and torsos of the weakened zombies, pull them out of the rope, net, and snare traps, and hold them down on the ground. The scene is so brutal I nearly avert my eyes from it, but this is a necessary measure to bring the zombies back to the world of the living and to prevent others from becoming like them. Hardening my heart, I slap the restrained zombies as quickly as I can.
“Take this! And this! Hiyaah!”
“Well done!”
“Y-You think so? Ehehe.” I was getting cocky because of Lex’s praise, but I’m cruelly pulled back to reality when I see how many more zombies are still leaping down from the walls. “…Th-There are too many for me to purify.”
“We already took that into consideration!” Lex tells me before turning to give orders to the knights. “Once you’ve restrained the weakened zombies, chuck them all into the underground aqueducts and pickle them in holy water!”
The knights line up the captured zombies on top of the rope net, tie it up, and drag the load behind them inside the castle. It’s a creepy scene surpassing even surrealism.
“You can see what our plan is now. I apologize for the debased request, but I hope you can regularly provide us with saliva!”
“Start by doing something about the way you say it.”
Bantering away like we usually do, we continue intercepting the endless swarm of zombies. Preparing for these turbo-charged ones in advance has paid off—time flows by without incident.
Occasionally, zombies chomp their way through the ropes or climb their way over others caught in the various traps below them, but quick action on the part of the knights suppresses them before any major damage can be done. About an hour has passed now.
“Lady Mizuha, how is your body faring…?”
“Taking a break earlier gave me enough energy to keep going for now.”
Granted, I have much less energy than it sounds because of the fast speed and countless zombies I’m purifying nonstop. On the bright side, there’s no threat of our line of defense being breached even in the event I’m rendered incapable of purifying. Moreover, the zombies scaling the walls have become more sporadic.
“Things look like they’ll end well if we keep this up,” I say, catching my breath.
I spoke too soon.
KABOOM! A bone-rattling, explosive sound shakes the ground. I jump and shudder.
“Whoa! What was that?!”
“The castle gates!”
Right after Lex’s reply, the metal grates from the gate burst into the courtyard. A large figure looms in the gateway with nothing left to stop it.
“What the devil is that?!”
Torchlight reveals the massive figure to be a gigantic zombie! From top to bottom, it appears around fifteen feet tall, and abnormal muscle growth has given it enormous bulk! Between its swollen-beyond-recognition joints and protruding masses of flesh, it looks like a boneless ham. The complete lack of body hair is frankly revolting.
“GROAHHHHH!” Boneless Ham roars and charges. It’s not the most agile zombie, but each step covers a lot of ground. In an instant, the zombie is upon the two closest knights, and it sends them flying with a sweep of its meaty right hand. The knights tumble and bounce off the ground several times until they finally lose momentum. They’re barely moving—their injuries are serious.
“Get back!” Sir Oden orders, standing before the Boneless Ham with his trusty shield. “I’ll take this monstrosity—” The words are knocked right out of his mouth as the Boneless Ham easily sends him flying with the same blow. Sir Oden slams into the wall and limply slides down.
“Captain!”
“Th-This can’t be happening…!”
How could THAT Sir Oden be taken down in a single hit?! Reinfection is the least of our concerns now. Several of the knights are paralyzed in the face of certain death.
“Holy water! Hit it with holy water!”
One of the knights tosses a whole bucket of holy water on Boneless Ham. It squirms like a dog that’s been sprayed with a hose, but that’s it. It doesn’t slow like the normal zombies.
“I-It doesn’t work?!”
It’s taller and wider than some houses. Maybe it simply needs to be hit with a much larger amount of holy water… Even if that’s the case, it’s near impossible to get close to the hulking thing without being knocked out. Most of the knights can’t even get near the rampaging Boneless Ham.
“Hey…isn’t this, like, really bad?”
“Yes, it is. To borrow your words, Lady Mizuha, we are frickin’ doomed.”
With how aggressively it’s going berserk, I’ll be squished into a pancake the second I go near it. No way can I purify that thing.
Grinding his teeth, Lex glowers at Boneless Ham. “Someone bring Lady Mizuha inside the tower keep!”
“What are you going to do, Lex?!”
“I will draw its attention. There is a serious threat of the ropes being destroyed if it continues its frenzy unchecked.”
A sizeable army of zombies are still caught in the ropes beside the inner castle walls. If they get set loose, everyone, including the people sheltered inside the castle, will be devoured. But!
“It’s way too reckless for you to take that thing on alone!”
“Even if my enemy is so large I must crane my neck to see it, or reeks so bad my nose is going to fall off…I, Lex Irvine, will not cower in fear!”
“Lex!”
Lex tosses his shield aside and runs at it with his sword drawn. Even he seems to have determined it not to be human as he swings his sword without mercy. But its skin is much thicker than anticipated and repels his sword with a clang.
“I-It’s rock-solid!”
Boneless Ham is completely fixated on Lex now. After increasing the intensity of its growl, it begins dishing out repeated downward slams. Having tossed aside his shield in favor of lightness, Lex easily evades its attacks. At first glance, he seems to have a possibility of success, but the Boneless Ham’s destructive strength is powerful enough to blow large holes into the ground with a single strike. He stands no chance if he’s hit by that.
“Lex…!”
“Hurry, Lady Priestess, while Sir Lex is redirecting it.”
The knight rushes me into the castle. I’m so worried about Lex, I keep looking over my shoulder. He’s still dodging the attacks, but…I don’t think he can keep it up until morning. Besides, we don’t have any guarantee Boneless Ham will grow weaker in the sun.
Judging by its skin color and mutation, our opponent is definitely some form of zombie. Maybe defeating it is possible if I can just touch it, but that’s a death wish with my level of athleticism. On the contrary: a bad move on my part could put Lex’s life in danger too. Is there any way to stop it?
Clinging to the idea that I can do something, I sweep my eyes around the area until they land on an apple tree, and I’m struck with a thought. We might be able to injure the zombie if I can get a seed with my saliva on it to instantly mature into a full-grown tree right under its feet. Even if that doesn’t stop it, it should inflict some damage.
But something is still lacking with this plan. After all, it’s game over for me if I get hit once. I want to play any cards we have. First, we have to entrust planting the seed to someone agile—
“Oi! What’re you doing?! It’s dangerous out there! Get back inside!”
“Let go of me! Boss Lady is outside! Let go!”
I overhear a noisy argument the second I step into the castle. I quickly turn that way and see Rosso push his way past the knights.
“Rosso? What’re you doing here?”
“Boss Lady! I was worried about you when I heard that explosion— Whoa, Boss Lady? Why do you look like you’re about to make a life-changing gamble…?”
I was just thinking about how he had shown up at the perfect time. He’s nimble and quick enough to slip away from the knights. Nobody is more suitable for the job.
“Rosso, I have a favor to ask of you.”