◆Chapter 14: Apparently, This Is What Happens When You Cram Meat Together
◆Chapter 14: Apparently, This Is What Happens When You Cram Meat Together
I move through the castle at a quick march with a group of twenty. Everyone is holding vases and buckets of various shapes and sizes. Inside each swirls water I have purified.
“Hard labor is outside my area of expertise…so why am I stuck partaking in this?” Pino grumbles as he walks beside me.
“No complaining. Look, even Cia is helping out.”
“One, two, one, two.” Cia is teetering unstably a few feet behind us.
“…What must be done must be done.” Pino relents, unable to complain when he’s compared with his country’s young princess. Unwilling as he is, he ups his pace to a brisk trot. Striding alongside him, I peer into the bucket I’m holding against my chest with both hands.
“I wonder if the water will work.”
“Didn’t the zombie squirm from it?”
“Yeah, kinda cried out with an ‘Ugyaaah’ too.”
“…In other words, we can assume that, while it has a higher resistance than normal zombies, holy water unmistakably affects it. No reason not to use it.”
When I discussed my idea of how to defeat the Boneless Ham with Pino, he came up with a strategy based on it. The reason everyone is carrying around a large volume of water is to dump it on Boneless Ham.
At last, we arrive in the corridor facing the courtyard. All of a sudden, a bone-shuddering noise shakes the passage. Quickly, I look to see what happened outside the oriel window. Even now Lex is taking on Boneless Ham in the courtyard. He evades blows by rolling on the ground and springing to his feet. His movements no longer have the same composure and grace they did earlier.
“He’s close to his limit,” Pino warns.
“We have to hurry.”
From the corridor just above the inner gate, an eaves-like scaffold protrudes over the courtyard. I step out onto that scaffolding with the others.
“Rosso, it’s your turn!” I wave both hands at a corner of the courtyard. Rosso, who is on standby there, waves back.
He breaks into a run when he sees an opening in Boneless Ham’s movement. He’s as quick on his feet as ever. In the blink of an eye, he arrives in front of the inner gate.
Rosso quickly uses a shovel to dig a hole in the ground, plant the seed, and fill it with soil. He thrusts the shovel into the ground and grabs the wooden flask dangling from his waist.
“All set!”
With that signal, I lean over the scaffold and shout, “Lex, draw it toward Rosso!”
“You’ve got it, m’lady!”
Lex shouldn’t know what it is we’re trying to do, but he follows my command without questioning it. He slowly makes his way toward the inner gate while luring Boneless Ham and dodging its attacks.
“Rosso, I’ve brought you a friend!”
“Leave the rest to me, bro!”
Lex runs by Rosso with Boneless Ham hot on his tail. That hulking mass of muscle steps on the spot where the seed is buried, where Rosso had previously poured the holy water from his flask. Boneless Ham unleashes unsparing attacks without pause. Rosso nimbly evades them by diving to the side.
“Suck Boss Lady’s enriching spit! Grow up big and strong, dear apples!”
Enriching spit? How the heck did he come up with that one? I’d love to lecture him on it for a whole day, but for now the entire area under Rosso’s feet is brightly glowing. A sprout bursts from the ground, immediately flourishes into a full-grown apple tree, and powerfully lifts Boneless Ham off the ground.
“HELL YEAH! That did the job!” Rosso exclaims, rejoicing.
Caught in the branches, Boneless Ham is having trouble moving. However, with its strength, the overpowered zombie breaks branch after branch. We don’t have much time.
“Your Highness!” Pino instructs.
“Yes! Do it, everyone!”
At Cia’s signal, everyone tosses the water on top of Boneless Ham. Each bucket didn’t have that much water on its own, but combined, it’s a fair amount. Soaked with no spot on its enormous body left untouched, Boneless Ham writhes in agony.
“GWRAAHHH…!”
“It’s working!”
Sadly, the apple tree can’t withstand Boneless Ham’s excessive weight. Creaking, it finally snaps. Boneless Ham rolls onto the ground. Affected by the water, it lies there limp.
“Miss Priestess,” Pino bellows as if he was waiting for this moment, “purify it now!”
“All right! Leave it to me! …Uh, hold on! How exactly am I supposed to get down from here?”
“The answer is obvious. Jump.”
“…Excuse me?”
Pino, the boy who had been stone-faced until now, flashes a killer smirk—the kind that literally kills, because he just shoved me off the freaking ledge. My hands dog-paddle through the air to grab hold of the scaffolding ledge in vain. My whole body is plummeting toward the courtyard.
“NO! You little jerk! Is this some kinda sick joke?!” I scream as I fall.
“Do your job, Miss Priestess.”
“Big Sister!” Cia, unlike the ruthless jerk Pino, reaches for me. But I’ll drag her down with me if I take her hand.
You’d better remember what you did here, Pino, because I’m coming for you later! Resentfully cursing him, I prepare myself for the inevitable.
“Sir Lex, a lady is falling from the sky!”
“L-Lady Mizuha?!”
“I-I’M COUNTING ON YOUUUUUU!”
My flight time is brief. Lex catches me. He’s holding me princess-style, but there’s not even a molecule of a sweet, romantic mood in the air. On the contrary, Lex’s face is so strained the veins are popping from his face.
“NNGHHH!”
“I’m not heavy, am I?”
“O-Of course you are light, m’lady!”
“You pass with flying colors. Anyway, thanks!”
I wrap up that conversation with Lex within a few seconds and leap from his arms. When I get closer to the weakened Boneless Ham, its excessively protruding muscles and bloody veins are graphically defined. Frankly, it’s so disgusting it’s making me physically sick. Having to touch this thing makes me want to cry, but doing that is the only option.
I’m finally close enough that my hand should reach it. Enduring the rancid stench, I stretch out my arm as far as it can go, but before I make contact, Boneless Ham’s pure-muscle left arm swells. Regaining its agility, it sends a left-hand thrust my way.
Uh, is this really happening?! I’ll break—bones and all—if that boulder-sized fist hits me. It’ll be end of story. End of the line.
Just as I’m preparing for my last moments, Boneless Ham’s fist is flung upward as if repelled by something. What in the world just happened? The answer is right in front of me: the bloodied knight who leaped in front of me—Sir Oden—deflected the punch with that big shield of his.
“Sir Oden!”
“Do it now, Lady Mizuha!”
Spurred on by his desperate cry, I kick off and slap the staggering Boneless Ham’s belly.
“YICK,” I can’t help whimpering at the sticky, jellylike feeling under my hand as Boneless Ham’s body begins emitting light.
Puzzle piece–like seams emerge on the figure, and from there, the body falls apart like droplets of water. By the time the light fades, Boneless Ham is gone. In its place is a large number of—
“A-Animals?”
Cows, deer, and pigs have fallen out of the seams onto the ground. Though they seem to be unconscious, every animal is alive and breathing. I know I was calling that thing Boneless Ham like the meat…but to think it really was made up of animals. I don’t think I can eat another ham… On the other hand, I’m personally more surprised to see animals I recognize. It’s probably because we already defeated it, but a part of me wishes Boneless Ham had actually been more of a horror creature.
“Vianta!” Lex pushes his way into the herd of fallen animals. It sounds like his beloved horse is in the mix. Vianta, the chestnut horse lying on her side, opens her big brown eyes as Lex strokes her muzzle. She nuzzles his face, rejoicing in their reunion.
“So Vianta was in there too. I’m glad you found her.”
“Me too! I have you to thank for that, Lady Mizuha. Truly, I can never thank you enough…!”
She must be like family to Lex. I’m enjoying the happy moment, except it’s ruined by the chorus of “Bwahhh bwahhh” around us. I was so caught up in defeating Boneless Ham that I’d forgotten about the town’s worth of zombies still ensnared in the ropes.
“Their purification can be saved for another day. As the Goddess’s blessing has it, continuing to douse them with water renders them containable,” Sir Oden suggests, standing at my side.
Holding off until another day takes a big load off my shoulders. I’m pretty positive I’ll pass out if I tried to purify now. But we have other things to be more concerned about at the moment. Such as the blood spurting from Sir Oden’s head.
“Sir Oden, thank you for saving me. Are you all right? You are bleeding—”
“Ha! I wouldn’t be the captain of the knights if I collapsed from this puny blood loss— Blurgh!”
“Hey?! Sir Oden?! You look like you’ve sustained some serious injuries, though!” I cry out, flustered.
“Just kidding,” he guffaws, giving me thumbs-up.
Is he really okay? Chances are high he’s just pretending to be fine, so I want him seen by a doctor as soon as possible.
I take another look around the destroyed courtyard. Unfortunately, not everyone got by unscathed. If nothing else, though, we will see the morning alive and unzombified.