◆Chapter 6: The Holy Priestess of Spit
◆Chapter 6: The Holy Priestess of Spit
“SHEESH! You should have said so sooner! I was scared, wondering what you might say when you drew so close with a serious face, and then you go and ask for my saliva. You really aren’t in your right mind…!”
“My sincerest apologies… My actions lacked forethought.”
I had returned with Lex to the front courtyard, and we’re now standing in an open corner. Why are we in a place like this? To test Lex’s plan to “bury the seeds and see if they produce food by spitting on them.”
“That being said, your saliva is a sacred treasure, Lady Mizuha.”
“It’s not sacred, nor is it some treasure, so please talk about it normally next time.”
Anyone who overhears this is going to think it’s some sort of perverted foreplay. In my world at least, this conversation is outlandish enough to make most people recoil, thinking you’re a deviant.
“But we don’t know for sure if it’ll succeed or not.”
“True, but think back to the desert island I met you on. Grass and weeds grew luxuriously where it was previously arid, dead land after you purified it. If you take that into account, the chance these seeds will grow is high enough to merit trying it.”
“Hmm. Don’t get your hopes up.”
This world being overrun by zombies makes it a far cry from what I know to be the norm, but I haven’t even heard of produce being cultivated by saliva in fictional stories. For that matter, say it does work… Doesn’t that mean everyone will be eating food grown with my spit? Oh my gosh! Just imagining that makes me so embarrassed I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it.
“Lady Mizuha, everything is ready for you now. Please commence gracing the land with your holiness,” Lex says, patting the soil where he finished planting the seeds.
Don’t crops need a ton of prep work like fresh soil, fertilizer, and water to grow? Doubts cross my mind for a whole second before I decide to discard them and stop thinking. The moment we decided to grow crops with spit was the moment we strayed far from agricultural basics.
“Got it. Look the other way, then.”
“I would like to see you in the act once. May I?”
“Only if you’re okay with me not spitting.”
“I apologize for my foolish request! I shall look the other way!”
As I watch Lex quickly turn his back to me, my eyes lock with the other knights curiously looking my way. I flash a killer smile, then narrow my eyes, exuding an intimidating aura. The knights make a unified 180-degree turn.
They might be wondering why I’m making such a big deal over nothing, but what can I do when it’s embarrassing? I crouch down to make it easier to spit.
Surrounded by a strange tension in the air, I somehow manage to squeeze together some saliva in my dry mouth, then let it drip down my tongue. The droplet of spit hits the ground without a sound and soaks in. A bright light begins emitting from the courtyard. The arid land is rapidly being covered by lush lawn. Surprised cries of “Ooh!” erupt from the people in the area.
Up to this point has been no different from what happened on the desert island, but there is one drastic change. Green sprouts spring up from where the seeds were planted in the ground. Only a brief time passes between when the seeds sprout and when they grow into saplings and then rapidly grow bigger.
It takes only a second for branches to jut out and for adorable white-and-pink flowers to bloom from them. The flowers burst off the branches like fireworks, allowing green fruit, which quickly turns red, to take their places. This new fruit that’s slightly bigger than a fist has to be—
“A-Apples?”
“Yes, those are apples, Lady Mizuha.”
I don’t know if they’re the same as the ones on Earth, but at least this world has some form of apples.
“However, I am astonished to see that the seeds really grew to the point of bearing fruit.”
“I’m the most surprised. How the heck were they even pollinated?”
“Your unworthy servant Lex shall taste it first.” Lex plucks one of the many apples off the tree and sinks his teeth into it without a moment’s delay. His eyes fly wide open, and he begins trembling. “How can it be this sweet and juicy?!”
“Uh, so what’s your final verdict? Is it good?”
“They are the ultimate delicacy!” Lex exclaims, giving me a thumbs-up with a broad smile. From the bottom of my heart, I’m relieved. I was terrified about how bad apples grown from my spit would taste.
“Try one, too, Lady Mizuha.”
“Th-Thanks.”
Lex picks an apple for me too. I’m a little hesitant to try it since I’ve never bitten into an apple with the skin still on, but hunger has me sinking my teeth into it before I know it. It crisply crunches under my teeth. One of the sweetest juices I’ve ever tasted gushes into my mouth.
“Mm!” I instinctively moan.
“How is it? Delicious, isn’t it?”
“Yeah! I’ve never had an apple like this before!”
Starving, I tear another piece out of the fruit without a care about what others think. The apple is extremely sweet, but it has a slight sourness to it that only whets my appetite more.
“You can eat the apples!” Lex announces to the courtyard in a booming voice. “They are a tried-and-true delicacy!”
At Lex’s invitation, the people watching from afar partake in sampling the apples. They must’ve been starving, too, because everyone who grabs an apple smiles broadly.
“I don’t believe it… She actually succeeded in making apples grow in less than a minute!”
“But this definitely tastes like an apple. What’s more, it’s delicious!”
We only have apples, but everyone is celebrating like it’s a great big party. It’s not as if I went through much trouble to make it happen, but seeing them happy makes me happy.
“But how in the Goddess’s name did it grow with such a rich honey flavor?”
“The answer is obvious. It grew from Lady Mizuha’s holy saliva!”
“Hey, Lex! You’re embarrassing me! Stop saying random things!”
“I knew that was it!”
“Gah! Are you really okay with that answer?!”
Not a single person doubts Lex’s response. Worst yet, some people even begin to chant, “Thank the Goddess for the Holy Priestess of Spit!”
“NOOOOOOOO!”
It’s happened. I’ve been dubbed the two names I feared most. This is all stupid Lex’s fault! I turn a sharp glare on Lex, but he welcomes it with a sunny expression as if he’s attained enlightenment.
“You are not looking at this the right way, Lady Mizuha.”
“There’s a right way to look at it? Who in their right mind would rejoice over being given a title with the word spit in it?”
“Spit certainly does not have a very good image.”
“RIGHT?!”
“However, that only applies to commoners. Lady Mizuha, your spit is the holy power capable of saving the world… It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call it holy water at this point. When it comes down to it, there’s no problem at all.”
“Uh, even if you have no problem with it, I totally do!”
Dear Mother, your daughter is currently in the predicament of being given a nickname including the word spit in another world. Please save me from this embarrassment— I’m silently seeking help from my mother, when the sky starts to darken.
“It’s getting dark out. Is it almost nighttime?”
“An untold number of zombies still prowl the city, but…it appears we should save our purification patrol for the morrow.”
“It would be a real load off my back if we did. To be honest with you, I’m beat.”
Everything from my waist down hurts, but my calves are especially tight. I’ve never walked this much before in my life. My muscles are going to kill me tomorrow.
“You have truly gone above and beyond the call of duty today. Please leave securing the premises to us and sleep well tonight, m’lady.”
◆◆◆◆◆
“IS it really okay for me to sleep here too? Isn’t this one of the royal bedchambers?”
“You are Cia’s big sister. You can sleep here! I am actually the one who feels apologetic for not being able to prepare a better room for you…” Cia sadly trails off.
The castle interior is filthier than filthy because of being left in disrepair for however long the people have been zombified for. Cia’s bedchamber is usable now only because we cleaned and cleaned the horribly dusty mess we found it in.
More than half the furniture in the room was damaged beyond use, so we had it removed for now. With the rest of the furniture gone, all that remains is the bed and the wooden stool sitting beside it. The sheer size of the room without anything in it makes it bleak and stark.
“It’s the situation we’re in. Plus, when I think about the alternative—camping outdoors where zombies are prowling—I can put up with practically anything.”
“True. It is all thanks to you that I can sleep in this chamber again, Big Sis.”
“Meh, all I did was go around touching things,” I respond with a wry grin and settle on top of the stool.
Cia’s bed is right in front of me. It’s fitting that a bed for a princess is king-size. This bed was terribly filthy at first, too, but beating the dust out of the blanket that was the most intact made it decent enough to sleep in. It’s not the most hygienic thing, but we have little alternative.
“Anyway, it’s a real pain not having a change of clothes. My uniform is going to wrinkle if I sleep in it.”
Circumstances being what they are, I don’t have a change of clothes. Most of the spare clothing in the castle has been devoured by moths or is too caked with dust to use without thorough washing first. I want to avoid wrinkling and staining my shirt and skirt as much as possible. On the other hand, it’s too cold and unsanitary to sleep naked.
“I guess I could just remove my shirt and skirt.”
As soon as I strike upon the idea, I strip off my clothes down to my undergarments. My bra and underwear are both pink. If I had known this would happen, I would’ve gone with a color like dark blue so stains wouldn’t show as easily, but I would have done a lot of things differently if I had known about this in advance, so there’s no point regretting something I can do nothing about.
“B-Big Sister?!” Cia is shocked by my sudden strip show.
“Sorry, sorry. I thought it’s fine since it’s just you here.”
“I-I guess so. It is just me here… Um! Your skin is very pretty…!”
“You think so?”
“I do! Also, you’re so big I’m envious…” Cia is gawking at my chest. I’m not flat-chested, but I’m also not big enough to comment on. I was just above average among my classmates. That doesn’t change how big they come across to the young Cia, though.
“You will grow at least this big once you’re older, Cia.”
“Are you certain about that…?” Cia anxiously looks down at her chest.
It’d actually be more of a problem if she was big at this age. I’d worry about her balance. I’m biased, but Cia is best the way she is right now. I slip on my cardigan while I’m thinking about those things. I feel a draft from above and below, but I just have to put up with it.
“All right, I think we should get some sleep now. You must be tired, too, Cia.”
“I am. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I could fall asleep right now…” She bashfully nods before her face suddenly darkens. “But are the others all right?”
“You’re a kind girl, Cia. I don’t think our friendly neighborhood zombies can get in with the gates down, but…even if they manage to break in, they move slow, and the knights should be able to handle them just fine now that they know not to touch them or be touched by them.”
We don’t have just superman Lex on our side. Oden, the Reigning King of Charges, is here too. I just know he will send the zombies flying again if they rush into the castle.
“Besides,” I continue, trying to alleviate Cia’s worries, “I’ll purify any zombie that happens to get inside.”
“You will, won’t you? We will surely be all right with you on our side, Big Sis!”
“Yep, I’ll protect you, too, Cia. Come here.”
I move onto the bed and have Cia sit next to me. As I’m stroking her hair, she relaxes and leans against me. This inkling of maternal instinct isn’t just my imagination. I’m currently acting as an older sister. Little sister’s rule. Good riddance, Big Brother!
I’m amusing myself with such thoughts, when I suddenly hear a freaky cry from somewhere. The wail is a mix of “SKRIEEE” and “BWAHHH.” That’s definitely not the sound of someone in their right mind.
“What was that? Did you hear it, Cia?”
“I heard a creepy screech…”
I wrap my arms around Cia as she clenches my cardigan. Honestly, I’m terrified to death myself. Never did I think I’d hear an eerie noise like that from anything other than a horror movie.
Another shriek splits the air, ripping a small “Eek” from us both. The horror movie screeches are increasing in frequency.
“Pardon the intrusion, Your Highness, Lady Mizuha!”
The bedchamber door is thrown open with a loud bang. Lex barges into the room. I can tell he’s panicked from the sound of his voice and the look on his face, but that’s a separate matter from me forgiving his sudden entrance into our room. After all, I am currently dressed in little more than my undergarments and a cardigan. The second Lex notices, his face tenses into an expression that screams, “I’m so dead!”
“Hey! Why’d you suddenly barge in?!”
“M-My deepest apologies! I shall humbly accept a firm slap to the cheek!”
“Forget getting slapped and turn right around! Leave!”
“Yes, ma’am!”
The door slams shut. I might be overreacting, since it’s not like he saw me naked, but…don’t underestimate how a virgin feels. My entire body feels red hot. I re-dress as the scorching heat in my face wakes me up.
“Sheesh, Lex can be so dense sometimes. Besides, isn’t this your bedchamber, Cia? Isn’t it bad for him to barge in even if I’m not half-naked?”
“Ahaha… You could say it’s a part of his personality.”
“He’s got a few screws loose, huh?”
He’s not a bad person, but he really does a lot of things that could ruin his good-guy image. That’s exactly why he’s so easy to interact with, but still.
After I slip on my shoes, I open the door. Lex is standing perfectly straight in the corridor, his expression awkward.
“So? What happened? You seemed to be in a hurry.”
“I am! It’s an emergency!” Lex practically shouts after he remembers why he rushed here. “Zombies have come over the walls!”