Chapter 10 - Kimochi: Emotion
1
Hate... Hate humans...
A thick, black, tar-like slime was swallowing Naoki’s heart.
Kill... Kill them all...
Prejudice, jealousy, resentment... A multitude of negative emotions, braided together like rope, bound his hands and feet.
Help me!
He screamed.
No... These aren’t my emotions. What I really wanted was— kill.
Pain shot through his temple.
Why are you hesitating? What did they ever do for you? Don’t be fooled by their excuses now. Hate. Hate them more and more. Make them regret all the suffering they put you through. Return it tenfold.
The girl Naoki was sharing his current body with realized his incertitude and relentlessly assaulted his mind, attempting to take it over completely. It took all his fortitude to resist, but he couldn’t let go just yet. No, not yet.
Naoki awoke to find himself back in the science lab. It was a complete mess, just like he’d left it. The shelves were tipped over, and shattered glass littered the floor. In the center of the room lay Mr. Inoue’s body.
Naoki kneeled down at his old homeroom teacher’s side and carefully lowered his eyelids. With his eyes closed, he almost looked at peace. Naoki then put his hands together in prayer over the body.
“What are you doing?!” a hysteric scream slipped from his lips. At the same time, pain shot through the temporal region of his brain. “That man was a coward who knew you were being bullied and pretended not to! He doesn’t deserve your mourning!”
“Shut up!” Naoki shouted so loudly his dry throat cracked, filling his mouth with the taste of blood. “I was so sure it would work this time. That I could finally be at peace, but... What’s going on? I hated Panzee so much, but when he died... Takeshi too. When they died, I didn’t feel better. I only felt worse.”
“That’s probably because you haven’t fully embraced your role as an avenger. An executioner. You’ll understand once you take a life yourself. It can be so much fun.”
Naoki rose to his feet. He tried to get his legs to stop moving, but couldn’t.
“Why don’t you try killing that uppity boy with the glasses first? Killing one is the same as killing a thousand. The first time is always the hardest. Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, I think you’ll see what I mean. It’ll be so much easier. Then I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for.”
Naoki’s heart wavered when he heard those words. She had a point. He’d tortured Takuro and the others over and over, but he’d never actually killed anyone himself. For all his rambling about vengeance, it seemed he was still too afraid to take a life. If he could summon the courage and take that final step—kill with his own hands—would he be released from his suffering? Naoki’s body moved slowly as he turned for the door. He’d ceased resisting and was following the girl’s lead.
“Wait...”
He heard a faint voice call out to him. Simultaneously, he felt a strong pressure on his chest. He turned around to see that the skeleton in the corner of the lab had reached out its boney arms and wrapped them around him.
“Don’t go.”
Its empty eye sockets stared right at him. Naoki quickly realized what was going on. He recalled Anna once telling him about the ghost of a girl who’d killed herself in the science lab.
“Vengeance didn’t bring me peace. It only made my suffering worse.” The chattering of the skull’s teeth was a strange, lonely sound. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
“Silence! Out of the way!”
Naoki felt his right leg move. Before he knew what was happening, he’d kicked the skeleton. It hit the floor, clattering to pieces around Mr. Inoue’s corpse.
“Vengeance didn’t bring me peace.”
The ghost’s words echoed in his brain. Would killing someone really bring him happiness? Or would it only bring more sorrow? Who was he supposed to believe?
Naoki fled the science lab and sprinted up the stairs without slowing.
“Where are you going?” the girl laughed. “Hurry up and grow a pair already. You know you can never escape me.”
Ignoring her, he ran through the third floor hallway. She seemed to be content just observing, and didn’t interfere for now. Perhaps she knew she could easily retake control anytime she wanted.
Before he realized it, Naoki was standing in front of the smoking room he’d locked Shun in. Why had he come here? Not knowing the answer, he threw open the door. Shocked, Shun looked up at him.
“Naoki...”
He could see that Shun had been trying everything possible to escape his bonds. The only thing of note in the room, the standing ashtray, had been overturned and was now stained with something red. Naoki walked over and grabbed Shun’s arm, pulling it toward him. His wrists were smeared with blood.
“It’s pointless to try and escape,” he spat, pushing Shun away.
He fell to the floor. His face twisted in pain, but he continued to look straight at Naoki.
“Is everyone okay?”
The pleading look in his eyes made Naoki hesitate. Shun was supposed to hate Takuro and Takeshi. Why did he care what happened to them? How could he make that face?
“Takeshi’s dead,” Naoki answered, pained.
“What?” Shun’s face stiffened. Tears welled in his eyes. “It can’t be...”
“Why?!” Naoki bellowed.
Something red-hot burned in his chest.
“Didn’t you want them all dead? Do I need to remind you just what they put you through?”
Naoki finally understood why he’d come here. He wanted to interrogate Shun.
“Why... Why don’t you hate them? Why?”
Shun paused for a moment. Then he opened his mouth, speaking with great care and deliberation.
“No one’s perfect. Everyone clashes and has their differences. But fighting over every little slight won’t change anything.”
“You’re just a patsy, then. An utter fool. People are going to use you for everything you’re worth and then leave you high and dry.”
“Given the choice, I’d rather be used than hateful. Even if I’m a fool, surely some other fool will eventually come along and extend the same kindness to me,” Shun answered with a smile, shockingly enough.
“How...?” Naoki asked, his voice shaking. “How can you smile?”
“Naoki, I know all too well why you’re angry. I’ve felt the same hate before.”
“I know! So why—”
“But working together with everyone to survive the Jailhouse changed me. And technically, that’s all thanks to you, Naoki. Because of you, I was saved. So... thank you.”
Shun bowed his head in a gesture of genuine gratitude. Seeing it, Naoki felt something pierce his heart.
“Now it’s my turn. Can’t I be the kind fool who helps you?”
Naoki staggered, stepping in the puddle at his feet. He was shocked to realize it was a puddle of his own tears.
2
Hiroshi held up the key he’d found in the principal’s office and scrutinized it. In the end, it was the only thing he’d managed to find after scouring this area of the school.
He and Kazuya had come to the storeroom in hopes the key would unlock the only door they hadn’t been able to open yet. But unfortunately, the key wouldn’t even fit in the keyhole. The key was badly rusted, and trying to force it would only snap it.
Giving up on the storeroom for now, the two boys headed back to the art room to meet up with Takuro and Mika. When they opened the door, they found Takuro sitting by the windows. He looked like he’d been through hell.
“What’s the matter?” Hiroshi asked.
“It’s Mika...”
Takuro’s gaze fell to his feet where Mika lay. She was clutching her chest, her body contorted in pain.
“I’m... fine...” she answered through labored breaths. She was conscious, but there wasn’t anything else positive to be said about her condition.
“What happened?”
“Right after you guys left, we were attacked by these amoeba monsters in the sewing workshop. I managed to pull them off of her after I transformed. Mika said she was okay at the time, so we kept up the search, but... She was really just putting up a brave front.”
Takuro’s face twisted in agony as he recounted what happened.
“Once we were done and came back here, she suddenly collapsed.”
He shook his head, his voice growing angry.
“It’s my fault. If I’d noticed sooner...”
Hiroshi kneeled by Mika’s side and lightly held her wrist. Unlike Takuro when he was in the nurse’s office, her pulse was incredibly erratic. The monsters’ biology was a complete mystery to Hiroshi. He had no idea whether he should simply leave her alone or try some kind of first aid.
“I suggest we put an end to this game as quickly as possible,” he said, turning to look at Takuro. “Were you able to find anything?”
“Yeah. We solved a puzzle in the conference room, which opened up a wall panel where we found a small key. After looking all over, we finally figured out that it went to a locked cabinet in the kitchen, but we didn’t find the red stone there...”
Takuro half-heartedly pulled a bottle out from his breast pocket. The label read “white vinegar.”
“Vinegar?” Kazuya asked, cocking his head to the side quizzically.
“I dunno what purpose it’ll serve, but since we got it from solving a puzzle, we must need it to escape somehow.”
“How are we... going to escape with one bottle of vinegar?” asked a skeptical Kazuya.
“I see. That must be it,” Hiroshi said with a nod.
He then borrowed the bottle from Takuro and dropped the key from the principal’s office inside.
“What are you doing?” Takuro and Kazuya asked in perfect harmony.
“We searched the entire school and only found a rusty key and a bottle of vinegar, so this must be the solution. Iron oxide-hydroxide, the compound responsible for the red color of rust, is easily melted by acetic acid. Therefore, if we place the rusty key in some vinegar...”
Hiroshi shook the bottle and then tipped it over to retrieve the key. To everyone else’s surprise, it was completely free of rust. In reality, however, it was impossible for rust to dissolve that quickly. Hiroshi could only assume the instant nature of the process was because that was the way the game was programmed.
“Mika, please hold on. We’re almost done,” he said.
Hiroshi then took the now-sparkling key and bolted out of the room. He flew down the stairs two at a time, making his way to the storeroom. When he slid the key into the knob this time, he could turn it with a satisfying click. He then threw open the door and jumped inside.
In the center of the storeroom, as if awaiting his arrival, was the red stone. It alone was illuminated, which almost made it look like it was projecting its own light.
The goal was so close now. Hiroshi was sure of it. Grabbing the stone, he hurried toward the sewing workshop. In the game, more and more enemies would appear as the player approached the climax. Fearing the amoeba monsters that attacked Mika might come back, he kept one eye on the ceiling as he ran. Fortunately, his path was protozoan-free.
Bursting into the workshop, he placed the stone into the mannequin’s left eye socket. It somehow triggered the mannequin’s head to pop off, revealing a new key. Snatching it up, Hiroshi sped back to the third floor where the others were waiting for him.
“I’ve found it! But I don’t know what to do now... What is this key for? We’ve already scoured the entire school,” he announced.
“Actually, no. There’s one place we haven’t checked yet,” Takuro replied. “The room right next door. No matter how hard I kicked the door, it wouldn’t break.”
“Even with your strength? I see... Then it must be the place.”
Hiroshi looked up at the clock on the wall. It was now just past 8:00 AM. They only had 20 minutes left.
“Let’s hurry,” Hiroshi said, pocketing the key again.
However, Takuro shook his head and said, “Sorry, but you go on ahead. I’m staying here. I can’t just leave Mika behind.”
“Thanks... Takuro...” Mika whispered, her voice weak.
She could barely even open her mouth anymore. It was all too obvious the end was upon her.
“Just hearing you say that makes me happy. So please... Go with Hiroshi.”
She stretched out her right hand, though it seemed she could no longer see anything. Her hand drifted aimlessly through the air.
“No. I promised, didn’t I?” Takuro grabbed her hand and held it tight. “Till death do us part.”
“Thank you... Thank you, Takuro... I’m so happy... And so, so sorry. I hoped we could be together forever, but... it looks like it’s time for me to go.”
“Don’t say that! Stay with me!”
“I’m sorry...”
“If you die, so will I!”
“No, Takuro. You can’t. You have to live on. If you don’t, then not even my memory will survive me. Just think of me from time to time... and that will be enough for me...”
“Mika...”
“Takuro, I’m sorry, but there’s no time to waste.”
Hiroshi pressed the suffering boy for a decision. He knew it was heartless, but something much greater was at stake. Someone had to be heartless or else they would never move forward.
“Fine.”
Takuro bit his lip and nodded.
“Once we’ve cleared the game, I’ll come right back. Just 15 more minutes. You can wait that long, can’t you?” he asked, rubbing Mika’s hand.
“You’ve made me wait my whole life. What’s 15 more minutes? Or so I’d like to say, but... I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”
Unable to bear the sight of her forced smile, Hiroshi silently made his exit. By the time he made it to the next room over, he could hear Takuro’s wails of agony.
3
Displayed on the computer monitor was Shun’s escape game. Naoki leaned forward and studied the screen. Takuro, who had been crying over Mika’s corpse, slowly stood and went after Hiroshi and Kazuya.
“I started this. I have to end it with my own hands.”
Takuro’s dialog flashed across the bottom of the screen. Even in text form, the nuance was crystal clear. Rather than hate for Naoki, Takuro was now overcome with deep sadness and regret over losing Mika.
“Why...?”
He slammed the desk and stood up. He then walked into the adjoining room and approached Shun, who was watching him from his spot by the window.
“Why? This isn’t Takuro! Even the smallest thing would set him off like a bomb! He’s a despicable bastard by nature... so what is this supposed to be? Why is this happening?!”
“The rust and vinegar,” Shun said calmly, sounding almost like a teacher instructing a student.
“Huh?”
“How do we know that vinegar removes rust? Because it’s a chemical reaction. Just as we learned in science class that hydrogen chloride and sodium hydroxide neutralize each other, creating sodium chloride and water... humans exchange what they’re missing by interacting with each other. That’s how we change. At least, that’s what I think. That’s how we become adults.”
“...Do you think I can change, too?” Naoki whispered, looking away in embarrassment.
“I think you’re already changing,” Shun answered with a gentle smile.
Those words shattered the wall Naoki had built around his heart, the wall he’d been hiding behind for so long.
Vengeance is so stupid. Let’s just end this farce.
“Thanks,” Naoki said, turning his back to Shun. “I’m glad I met you. If I hadn’t, I would’ve given in to the hate. I would’ve drowned in the suffering I made for myself—”
Suddenly, his head was racked with splitting pain. The whole world went dark. He tried to call out for help, but he was struck mute. His heart was throbbing. Something sinister was taking ahold of him from the inside.
“I let you do as you pleased as thanks for setting me free, but it looks like that was a waste of time.” The girl’s voice echoed in his ears. “You’re a hindrance now, so I’m going to have you disappear.”
He could feel his body expanding. His mind was fading. Most likely, he wouldn’t be coming back from this. He wasn’t scared of slipping into the void. No, in fact, if it meant an end to the pain and suffering, nothing would make him happier. But there was something he had to say before he vanished entirely. One last warning. An apology for what he’d done.
“Turn—” Fighting back the encroaching black mists, Naoki shouted, “Turn back time! If you do, you can save everyone!”
He couldn’t see anything. He couldn’t hear anything, either. He had no idea whether Shun heard him or not, but he still had to try. Naoki continued to scream with all his might.
“One more thing! Don’t go to the roof! She’s set up a trap there! Be careful—”
And then, just like that, Naoki’s consciousness flickered out.