There is No Country with a Tradition of Blazing Panjandrums

 

Astraea’s face went completely blank as she witnessed the flaming wheels.

「Explain. Eirene. Now」

Eirene, who had anticipated this reaction, immediately launched into a rapid explanation.

「We were asked to develop a weapon that prioritizes mass production capability and had a definite potential to become a Kryptos Mythology Weapon, and—voilà! That’s the result! That concludes my report! Bye!」

「Wait! You—! How dare you cut the transmission!」

A massive number of flaming spinning wheels trampled over the enemy Kakodaimons.

「Just what is that, anyway? There is no country in existence with a tradition of a blazing Panjandrum! Mythology Weapons are absurd as they can be, but this is too much!」

Astraea fumed. Mythology weapons were supposed to be derived from legends. She had never heard of spinning wheels engulfed in flames. The closest thing would be the divine chariot made by Hephaestus, however, this thing was too different to pass for it. In the first place, the number of wheels didn’t match.

「Um… Astraea-san? There is a being in Japan that is similar to it. It’s actually a fairly well-known yokai. It’s called a Kasha. And that is, without a doubt, a Kasha.」

The pilot of the Type-0 affirmed this with an apologetic expression.

「A yokai? Are you saying that such a monster exists in Japanese folklore?」

「That’s a Kasha. It’s also called a Hi no Kuruma—a fire chariot. It’s certainly well-known. In Japan, when household finances or the economy are in crisis, people say that they are like a chariot engulfed in flames. That phrase actually originates from this yokai.」

Kinukawa confidently identified the familiar yokai.

「Yes, that’s a Kasha. 」

Eri, of course, knew about it too. It was a well-known yokai, especially in video games and other media.

「It can only be a Kasha.」

Kurose responded with exasperation. Many of the pilots inside the Type-0s also murmured in recognition.

For Astraea, this was incomprehensible, but judging by everyone’s reaction, it was apparently a well-known entity.

「Querying the database… Found it. A yokai with two wheels.」

Astraea responded with what sounded like a somewhat defeated tone.

「Abel-san and I put a lot of work into this. Glad we made it in time.」

「Kou, I believe we need to have a discussion.」

「Why are you mad, Astraea?」

Kou had no idea why, but one thing was clear—Astraea was angry.

「The Kasha was originally a cat yokai.」

Kou muttered what barely even qualified as an excuse.

「Why a cat?!」

Nyanta pounced on Kou’s words, completely forgetting to add her usual ‘nya’ at the end of her sentences.

「How do you go from a cat to something that looks like a Panjandrum? Seriously, how?! Even as a word-association game, this wouldn’t make sense!」

Nyanta was relentless, utterly outraged by the sheer absurdity of it all.

「Don’t ask me!」

Kou had no idea either.

「It’s a legend that has been passed down across Japan. Some say it’s an ogre that serves as a jailer from hell, while others claim it’s a messenger from paradise. Originally, it was indeed a cat yokai, but over time, it became conflated with that wheel-like form.」

Kinukawa explained at a leisurely pace.

「If Rick saw this, he’d lose his mind. I’d bet on it, nya.」

「No one would vote against that. The bet doesn’t even hold, Nee-san.」

Meanwhile, the Kasha continued rolling forward, relentlessly ramming into the Kakodaimons and Teras.

「A sentient Panjandrum has finally been born. This is a grave situation. Eirene, respond immediately.」

Perhaps unable to ignore Astraea’s forceful demand, Eirene appeared on-screen, looking thoroughly displeased.

「It’s not a self-propelled mine! Sure, it has explosive capabilities and the Merlin System, but—」

「That just means you turned a Panjandrum into a Mythology weapon, doesn’t it?」

「It’s covered in flames, but it’s a good guy! It can even regulate its firepower!」

Kou jumped in to defend Eirene. He knew this wasn’t entirely her fault and couldn’t just leave her hanging.

「Kou, please be quiet for a moment.」

Astraea shut him down without the slightest hesitation.

「I’m on Planet Asia, so this isn’t on me! The cause is on Planet Libya!」

「Oh, that’s right. Asia?」

With that, the focus suddenly shifted to Asia, who was seated behind Kou.

「Calm down, Astraea. The fact that Unit 5 is riding a giant cat and that a giant Panjandrum-shaped yokai has come into existence… in some way, it was inevitable… Wait, that sounded like a total lie even to me. Sorry.」

「Even you, Asia?!」

Meanwhile, the Kashas continued to tear through the Kakodaimons, scattering them like dust.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

「Marl-chan! You handle the conventional weapons! We’ll take care of the cats, the dogs, and the Panjans!」

「Right. I’m a little too scared to touch them, so I’ll leave it to you.」

The two mechanic siblings—Marl and Flack—were busy with repairs. Flack’s Caledonia Crow rushed toward a massive cat, which had curled up and stopped moving.

「Hey, we’re gonna fix you up. Get us a translation.」

「Nya! Nyan-nyan!」

At the call of a feline-type Familia, the giant cat rolled over, exposing its damaged areas.

Beneath its fur, as expected, was machinery. Flack quickly applied a repair laser, patching up the worst of the damage as an emergency measure.

He moved on to check the joint mechanisms.

「It says it’s hungry.」

The Familia behind Flack relayed the message.

「What does it eat?」

「Water is fine. If possible, metallic hydrogen would be even better.」

Flack hurriedly opened a communication channel.

「Kou-niichan! Nyanta-san! The cats need fuel—water, or preferably metallic hydrogen!」

「Got it. If it’s for cats, a shallow container with some color would be best. Nyanta, can you prepare the metallic hydrogen immediately?」

Kou, who only perceived them as cats, instinctively drew on his past experience of owning one, suggesting the best way to serve it.

「Of course, nya!」

「I believe the dog-types require the same fuel, but… we may not have enough surplus metallic hydrogen for all of them.」

Aki voiced her concern—there was a limit to their reserves.

「Leave the dogs to me! I’ll handle it!」

Eri, a great dog lover, immediately volunteered.

「That Panjandrum… no, wait, the Kashas—can they talk? Nyanta, can you translate?」

Flack pondered for a moment before asking Nyanta.

「I am not a Panjandrum, nya.」

Nyanta flatly refused, as if deeply offended by the mere suggestion. And rightly so.

「I heard earlier that they’re cat yokai.」

「There’s not a single cat-like element in those wheels, though, is there?」

「Don’t worry, Flack. The Kashas can speak normally.」

Kou jumped in, still busy trying to smooth things over.

「Got it. —Kasha, do you need fuel?」

「Hell yeah! Metallic hydrogen or liquid hydrogen would be a big help! We’re always on fire, so our fuel efficiency is terrible!」

The Kashas seemed to have bold, straightforward personalities.

「Alright then, head over to where the Cait Sith or Cu Sith are.」

「Understood! I’ll let the others know!」

The Kashas rumbled away, rolling as they departed.

「I just… had a conversation with a Panjandrum.」

Flack stood there, overwhelmed by an odd sense of wonder.

 

AN:

Was this what you expected? Yes, it was a Kasha. Pretty obvious, wasn’t it? Saying that Mythology weapons were born for this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but honestly, Kashas were already third in line in the Mythology weapon concept phase. It was inevitable.

Some readers predicted it would be a cat, but as Nyanta complained—calling it feline is just wrong. How did a cat yokai end up as a flaming spinning wheel?

Kashas are artificial Kryptos, which is why they can communicate. What now?