Chapter Fourteen - Horrific Clown Crimes
Bounce, bounce, flounce!
Cricket made her way through the streets of Alpta with a merry spring in her step, each skip setting off the bells sewn into her [Jester's Outfit] to clinking pleasantly.
Today had been a day.
Not a particularly noteworthy one, but a day all the same. She booked a bed in the Adventurer's Guild barracks late last night and slept across from a [Bruiser] that snored and an [Alchemist] who vented poisonous gasses from his rear with great enthusiasm.
Still, it was a free bed, and she was grateful not to be sleeping upon the ground. That always did a number on her back.
In any case, she woke up this morning, had stale bread and lukewarm water, and then picked up a quest off the board. It was an internal one, which meant that she could stay in the guildhall itself to accomplish it. It paid only in bronze bits, but that was fine for a bit of menial work.
The task of the day was assisting a local pair of [Butchers] who were hired on by the guild to work through the bodies of some [Field Beetles] that a team of second tiers had killed the day prior.
The two [Butchers] were good chaps, even if she didn't take a liking to their work. It was a little bloody and gruesome. They didn't mind so much when she stripped down to only her shift and drawers and a thick leather apron to help. And they seemed to find her jokes funny, which made the morning pass, though she did run out of meat puns eventually. They even knew some that she didn't! The pun business was never as cut-throat as it was now. But she wasn't going to chicken out.
"Oh-hoho," she chuckled darkly, which made some street brats nearby step away from her. She skipped on past them.
The older of the two [Butchers] slipped her a bit of beetle meat at the end, wrapped up and preserved with a skill of his. It would make for a good meal roasted on a fire later. The twelve bits she was paid for the morning's work went into her inventory as well.
She had another job lined up for later this week already! A bit of actual [Jester] work. Some noble whelp's birthday or somesuch was coming up, and the noble lord wanted entertainment from the guild. That wasn't their usual fare, but sometimes there were people like Cricket around, or someone that knew someone, or at the very least an [Illusionist] or some such who could put on a show.
She'd have to spruce up her outfit for the big day, and maybe sharpen her favourite knives. Juggling them was always more fun with edges that could cut.
Anyway, that was for later-Cricket to worry about. That poor fool had to deal with so many things. Right-Now-Cricket truly didn't want to be in her shoes.
Ah, but what could she do?
Right-Now-Cricket was going on a date!
Well, something that had the approximate shape and velocity of a date, with a pretty elven maiden, no less! Truly, if [Jester]ing failed as a career, she ought to try her hands as a [Fisherwoman] because she had managed quite the catch!
Of course, the suspiciously suspicious elf was strange but really, Cricket had a home made of glass.
What did she know about Rosario Thorn? The woman was probably level 657, which placed her around twice the level of a very powerful Titled and probably close to the level she might expect from like, a world-ruler, cataclysm, or something like the legendary Heroes or Great Generals. Or maybe a bit beyond that.
Hot.
Ah, yes, she had nice legs as well, and a nice chest, and her rear really wasn't bad at all.
Good good. Truly, this made up for any deficits in terms of levels and such.
Rosario was probably in Alpta for a reason. Someone that strong was definitely after something, and it would be big and important.
Cricket sighed and did a little pirouette. Woe! Why wasn't the something her? Where was her overpowered boss lady to sweep her off her little bug feet?
Alas, life wasn't so easy or fair.
She stumbled to a stop before the inn that she'd left Rosario at the day prior. It was nice enough, not too far from the Crowns part of town, just a block over from a small park and perhaps four or five from the Adventurer's Guild. It was just the presence of so many other inns around that made the prices less-than-ridiculous.
Cricket wondered for a moment if she would have a difficult time finding the [Maid], but no, Rosario was sitting on a small porch at a small tea shop right next to the inn. There was a tea set and a small coin pouch on the table before her. The woman was sitting with a straight back, one leg folded over the other.
She had her eyes closed, and her elven ears were drooped very slightly, and she definitely had no idea of the impact she was having on people.
The [Maid] was the image of elven nobility. Her dress was pristine and soaked in the light of the early-evening sun. That same light caught on her grey-white hair and the pure white bonnet she wore.
Rosario raised her teacup to her lips and blew gently across the surface, sending little curls of steam fluttering away, then she took a delicate sip before lowering the cup.
A man across the street ran into a parked cart, stumbled, then caught himself before he could crash to the floor.
Cricket cleared her throat, then skipped over. It wasn't fair for someone to be that pretty. Not that she didn't understand it. There were plenty of people that said that levelling up made you... more.
It was true. A high Constitution practically guaranteed a longer, healthier life. A high Wisdom helped too, but mostly because wise people didn't pick [Jester] as their primary job. Cricket imagined that Rosario's was obscene.
"You know, the maid is supposed to serve the tea, not drink it all up herself. Tsk tsk, miss maid!" Cricket said.
Rosario didn't grin, but there was a faint upwards twist to her lips and at the corner of her eyes. "Hello, Cricket," she said before opening her eyes, which arrested Cricket's poor heart for a moment. Terribly unfair, that!
Pretty ladies with nice eyes? Crime! Deadly weapons, those! Straight to jail! Preferably in the same cell as Cricket.
"Her hair is white as snow, her eyes like coal's glow
Gods above, that waist, that face, no maid should have such grace!
She bends and my thoughts depart, her voice against the beat of my heart.
She turns, and gods, the legs, the rear. I've quite forgotten why I'm here!"
Rosario listened to Cricket's poetic attempt, then sighed. "Well, that started off quite sweet," she said. "I'm sure you could do a better job with... most of the rest."
Cricket grinned. Aloof the maid's words may be, but her ears were red and wiggly indeed.
"How are you doing?" she asked. "Found work yet?"
"As a matter of fact... maybe," Rosario said.
Cricket's brows shot up and her antennae wiggled in delight. "Oh?" she grabbed the railing around the patio and leapt over it, then she took a seat across from the maid. "What sort?"
"I should probably not say."
"Prostitution?"
"What? No!" Rosario said. She shook her head. "I found work with... a less-reputable guild. It'll cover my expenses for a while, at least, and give me opportunities to grind my [Scullery Maid].
Grind? Cricket shrugged. She understood the gist of the sentence. "That's good! I've got work too! Nothing great. Maybe I'll sneak out of the city with a subjugation team and kill some monsters. Good experience, that! Ah, but what did you want to do now?"
"Hm? Ah, well, I was meaning to walk past the bank, but I've no idea where it is. I also heard that there's a park near the castle? I'd like to take a look at it."
"Interested in architecture now, are you?" Cricket asked.
"Sure, let's call it that. I'm curious abou--"
"You!"
Cricket blinked slowly, then turned. There was a woman stomping their way. She had wild hair and a glare that felt warm even from far away. Cricket used [Insight] on her, since she seemed to be walking right towards them with intent.
Proud Numbra
[Thief Catcher] - Level 48
"Ah, hello," Rosario said. "I thought that we agreed to meet at night, in your rooms, was it?"
"We'll have to see if you're even still alive tonight," the woman growled. "You stole from me."
"Did I?"
The woman pointed at the table. "That's my coinpurse."
Cricket's head snapped between the two like the arm on a giant clock. Notably, when she looked towards Rosario, she caught the coinpurse from the corner of her eye... until it wasn't there. Had Rosario's arm moved? She was certain she felt a faint breeze and saw a blur but...
"Ah! No way," Proud Numbra replied. "Give that back. And the bell too! I stol--got that fair and square."
"Now now," Rosario said. "I'm sure we can resolve this like adults? Here, I suppose this is only fair." She tossed something back, and the woman caught it. The coinpurse that had disappeared.
"It's lighter!"
"Hm," Rosario said. She raised her teacup to her lips.
"Ah! Oh, you... hmph. No wonder the old man liked you so quickly," she said. She leaned up closer, and Cricket leaned back as the woman was very much in her space, she even put a hand on Cricket's shoulder to stabilize herself. "So, you're a little good at the game, huh? Do you think that makes you better than me?"
"No. Other factors lead me to that belief," Rosario said.
"Ohhhhh, snap!" Cricket said with a blossoming grin. So, this wasn't a lover's spat. Had Rosario really robbed this woman, a [Thief Catcher] of all things.
"Ah, yes, Cricket, this is... Miss Numbra. Dismiss her job and level, they're false."
"Hello, pretty angry lady. Have you considered being upset with me instead? I find it far more enjoyable than Rosario here!" Cricket said with her most winsome smile.
Miss Numbra stared at her, then scoffed before turning back to Rosario. "I wasn't just looking for you to give you an earful for the theft," she said. Her tail flicked behind her. "The old man found work for you. Starting tomorrow night. I was supposed to give you a disguise kit and tell you to find a maid outfit, but since you have a clown for a friend and the dress already, I think you're all set. Good luck."
The woman spun and stomped off, which Cricket found to be quite sudden.
"Well then... what was that about?" Cricket asked.
"A new... co-worker. Did you want to go on that walk? I have a few silver to spend. Oh, and your repayment, of course."
Cricket laughed then bounced to her feet with a jangle of he--
Cricket froze.
She bounced on her feet. She wiggled her hips. She waved her arms about and shook her head.
No jingles.
No jangles.
Reaching up, she pulled one of the spikes of her cap down and stared at the end, where a bell should have, by all rights, been hanging joyfully. Instead, there was a great lack of bells.
"Theft!" she shouted. "Crime! Perfidy! Scallywaggery! I have been robbed! Thou shalt pay, you two-faced kin of rodents!
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