Chapter Five - The [Jester]
"Do you know what that [Jester] is in the pillory for?" Rosario asked.
Olivia glanced up from her knitting work. The [Waitress] seemed a little bored, what with the inn being empty at that time of day, so she was sitting on one of the more plush seats and knitting together what looked like a blanket. "Cricket?"
"That's the one," Rosario said.
"Is she in the stands again?"
"Again?" Rosario asked.
"Usually it's being a public nuisance," Olivia replied. "Honestly, that woman can't keep her little bug antennae out of trouble. You'd think someone of her sort would know better."
"Her sort?" Rosario pressed.
Olivia blushed, then waved her arms in denial. "Not that I have anything against her sort. Some of my best friends are insectile. We accept clients of every species here, of course." Rosario only raised an eyebrow in reply to that, which set the young [Waitress] to blushing. "Anyway! Cricket's nice enough? We had her here a few times as entertainment? She can play the harmonica pretty well. And she juggles? Ah, but she's... trouble."
"How so?" Rosario asked.
"Well, she doesn't really do respect? A couple of weeks ago she composed a ballad about the mayor and his, ah, rather private affair with the [Miller]'s wife. Some of her pranks are funny? She forged a notice from the Adventurer's Guild that said that all adventurers had to wear hats with their Job title on them? There was a whole colour-coding scheme? That was fun. Ah, but then she poisoned the Guildmaster; but that was an accident!"
"An accident?"
"She put dye in his wine. It made his mouth blue. It wasn't edible dye. I think if his Constitution wasn't as high, he might have gotten sick." Olivia tried to look contrite, but she still giggled a little. "The adventurers really hate her, but she's a full member, even if she's on probation. They're not giving her jobs anymore."
"That's awful. How did she end up here? In Riverbend, I mean?"
Olivia shrugged. "I don't know? She just showed up here a few months ago riding along on a long-strider. She's been causing trouble since."
Rosario nodded along. "Interesting. I happen to have to go to Alpta. I was thinking of hiring an adventurer to guide me there."
Olivia winced, then made a vague gesture with her hand. "She's probably looking for work. Heck, if you pay to have her released, that might be enough. And I guess she's strong enough. She's a tier two, after all. But I don't know. This area is considered pretty dangerous. It's why we have a guild presence here. You might run into something she can't handle on the way back. Or bandits."
"Are those a common issue?" she asked.
"So-so?"
Rosario considered it for a while, then decided that the least she could do was look into how much it would even cost to begin with. So, she departed the inn again, this time looking for what passed as a constable's office, or the guardhouse.
She mostly needed someone to answer her many questions. Cricket seemed almost ideal for some of that. And she could act as a guide.
If the woman was too much trouble, then Rosario could simply run away from her; it looked like no one would miss the [Jester] at all, or believe her tall tales if she discovered anything about Rosario.
The guards had a small station not too far from the centre of the city. Rosario walked up and put on a kindly smile as she addressed the local captain. As it turned out, Cricket had an outstanding debt that she owed to the city. Failure to pay had led to the guards arresting her.
The debt amounted to six bronze bits. Two meal's worth.
"And if I pay this outstanding balance," Rosario said. "Would that set her free?"
The guard captain shrugged a shoulder. "Honestly? Between you and me? If she hadn't been such a pain when we went to confront her about it, she wouldn't even be in the pillory right now. I mean, it's six bits. We've all drunk more than that away. But when we went to talk to her about it, she... made defamatory remarks and acted in an unwise fashion."
"I see," she said.
"Why would you cover her debt?" he asked.
"I need a guide. She's a second tier adventurer in need of work. I have limited funds, but..."
"Huh... yeah, I can see that working out. I wouldn't want to be caught with her for too long, but if you're afraid of travelling on your own, then it makes sense." He sniffed. "Might want to be careful, though. She's made some enemies in town."
"Noted," Rosario replied. "I'm sure I can manage."
***
Boring! Boring! Booooring!
Cricket wiggled in place, but the pillory held, and all she did was press her bruises into the sharp-edged wood. Would it kill them to add some padding to these things?
Her back hurt too! And she was wet! She hated being wet! Her clothes were heavy enough when they were dry, when wet it felt like she was getting smacked by wet towels whenever she moved.
Her socks were wet too! Unforgivable!
Death! Death and destruction for all!
She looked up, the bells on her hat jiggling pleasantly with the motion. Ah, nice, trustworthy bells, always tinkling happily. There were some people moving by. Some of the same people that had flung vegetables at her.
Oh, how she wished they'd do that again. She was starving!
"Oi, you! Brattish little human child," she called out to one of the village kids. "Your face resembles the rear-end of a donkey, and your stubby little legs are like those of a land-crawler!"
The boy laughed, then scooped something off the street and flung it at her.
She tried to dodge, but the pillory made that useless. Instead, she ate a faceful of manure. "Bastard child of three mothers and a bull!" she shouted.
Someone gasped and she squinted over at them. Oh! The local [Milk Maid]!
"A milkmaid so lazy and slow,
Churned butter for less than a crow,
Her cows gave more sass
Than milk from her glass,
And her cheese tasted mostly like dough!"
"Oh, shut up, Cricket," the girl said, but she had a smile on.
Cricket did love a woman that could take some insult. And ladies with long legs. And ladies who smiled and laughed. And ladies that could handle their milk!
Ah, but then the pretty lady left, and she remained hanging here, like a frumpy sweater caught in the rain and hung out to dry.
This was all... well, someone's fault. Probably a noble's. They were always the most dastardly, and she did love hating them. They were the constant patrons of her kind, and the constant foe. She existed to make them laugh, and they existed to bleed her dry.
She flicked her antennae as she sensed someone, no, someones, approaching from behind.
If someone touched her rear, she was going to plant her three-inch heels somewhere interesting. One ought not underestimate the flexibility of a [Jester]. It was a combat Job, strange as that may seem to some.
She twisted around and was relieved to see the captain of the guard approaching with a large ring. "Your lucky day, Cricket," he said as he came around and fiddled with the keys. "Someone paid your outstanding debt."
"Oh? And to whom do I owe my gratitude?" she asked, ready to flick a few insults at the man.
Then someone else stepped around, and she stowed the insults for a moment. It was the [Maid]! The pretty elven maid, with the long legs and the pointy ears.
Cricket had no choice but to look up to her, not that being out of the pillory would help her there, the elven woman was half a head taller than the guard captain, and he wasn't exactly short himself.
A pureblooded elf, then, not one of the half-elves that pranced around this part of the world. Strange. They rarely left their home.
More strange was that the woman was a [Maid]. It was an uncommonly... common line of work for an Elf.
Cricket fired off an [Inspect] just in case.
Rosario Thorn
[Scullery Maid] - Level 1
Ah, so someone was playing silly-buggers!
The pillory was lifted, and for a moment she just stayed there before carefully, slowly, she unfolded herself.
Her back was in pain. "Ahh! My many thanks, most beautiful elven maidenly maid," she said. "I would bow, but if I did so, my back might finally snap apart."
She flicked her wings, making sure to keep it subtle, then slowly reached to her hip and straightened. A few things popped, and she groaned.
"A pleasure, Miss Cricket," the woman said.
"Behave," the guard captain said sternly. "I don't want to see you back in there." He let the top half of the pillory go, and it slammed down into place with a clatter.
"Next time, you shall not catch me!" she declared.
He rolled his eyes, then turned to the [Scullery Maid]. "Keep an eye on her, would you?"
"Certainly," she replied before returning her attention onto Cricket.
Cricket hesitated. This woman was strong.
It was a base instinct in her. Maybe something bugged her (heh!) about the woman's stance and casual grace, but there was no way that this woman was merely a level one [Scullery Maid]. That was a tier one Job. So, it had to be new, obviously.
Which begged the question, what was she before?
The casual grace, the good looks, the healthy sheen on her skin.
Cricket would eat her soggy left sock if this woman didn't have another Job that was at least third tier. Maybe even fourth... which would make her Titled.
Though a Titled craftswoman wasn't so impossible, not amongst the long-lived elves. She didn't seem quite that old, however.
"Ah, so, thou paid for my freedom? No doubt you wish for me to serve? Or shall I repay you with a jest? How many dwarves does it take to light a torch?"
The woman was about to speak, then paused. "I don't know."
"One! They're a crafty sort, the dwarves. Ah, but how many merfolk does it take to light a torch?"
"One, I suppose?" Rosario said.
Cricket grinned. "Haha! Tricked! I hath tricked thou! For the merfolk live beneath the waves, and so no number of them would suffice!"
The woman sighed. "I need a guide to Alpta, someone... moderately knowledgeable. I'll pay you in a warm meal and company on your route."
Cricket blinked. That was terrible pay for a multi-day job. But... "What sort of company?" she asked with a wiggle of her brow.
"I'll add in a warm bath at the Bend Inn as well. You reek."
"Deal!"
***