Chapter VI

Chapter VI

 

“Please, Suema-san. Save Jin-niisan…”

I couldn’t get Kinukawa Kotoe’s earnest appeal out of my head. And Asukai Jin’s strange behavior at the cram school…that drawing of the girl who killed herself…

I couldn’t forget. Even if it wasn’t someone like me—a recovering abnormal psychological behavior addict—I don’t think anyone else would be able to distance themselves from the matter that easily.

Early in the morning the day after Kinukawa Kotoe had made her request, I went to the place where Minahoshi Suiko had killed herself. It was spring vacation, so I thought the place would be empty, but there was quite a crowd around the gates.

“What’s going on?” I wondered.

My friend Miyashita Touka had come with me. “New students getting fitted for uniforms, and handing out the ID cards—you know, orientation crap,” she said.

“Oh, yeah.” Come to think of it, two years before we had done the exact same thing. I had completely forgotten.

They all looked like they were having fun. That wouldn’t last long. Soon they would be back to the stress of exams, or job hunting, like we were.

“Not the mood for checking out a suicide, is it?” Touka said. “What do you think, Suema? You can go home if you like. I gotta swing by the library.”

The reason she’d come with me was something about a book she’d forgotten to return. Wanted to get it back early before we had to head to cram school.

“Nah, I’ll come with you.”

“Okay then. Ah…” Touka made a face as we reached the gates. “That girl’s here. Dang it!”

“Mm? Who?” This was unusual. Touka was not the kind of girl who disliked people easily or avoided them.

“Discipline committee president,” she muttered, glumly.

I was even more surprised. “Really? Niitoki-san? But she’s so nice!”

“Nah, it’s all me. This and that.” She put her palms together. “Sorry, gotta go!” she yelled, turning her back and darting off.

“B-but…?!” I stammered, abandoned.

Oh well, I thought, as I turned back towards the school.

The new first year students were all happily gathered around the gates which, as anyone who’s ever visited our school would know, are set up with gate checks like those found at a train station. You have to actually run your ID card through it just to get in. It’s completely useless! And here all the new kids were just oohing and aahing over it! If you looked really closely though, you could see only about half of them were actually excited about it—the rest seemed pretty darn alarmed.

“Excuse me, coming through,” I said, pushing my way towards the gates.

“Morning, Suema-san,” said the apparently problematic discipline committee president, Niitoki Kei. We’ve known each other since we were first year students.

“Morning. You get roped into this just because you’re president?” I asked.

She laughed. “I’m not president anymore. But even so…”

“Ah, right, your term’s over. It just seemed like something you’d do…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you know, the big sister thing.”

“Pot calling the kettle, Doctor.”

We looked at each other and laughed.

“So what brings you here, Suema-san?”

I couldn’t answer. It wasn’t something to tell just anyone about. “Um… Just, you know, stuff.”

“That Miyashita-san with you?” she said, suddenly.

I was taken aback. “Uh… Um, well…”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me, huh?”

“Yeah… What’s going on there? You two don’t seem like you’d rub each other the wrong way…”

“Nah, that’s not it. Just, uh… This and that,” Kei said, meaningfully and a little forlornly.

“Is this about a boy?” I asked, on a hunch.

Kei’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. She gave a nervous giggle. “…You’re scary sometimes, you know that? Like you can read my mind.”

“Oh… I didn’t mean to…” I scrambled for the right thing to say.

But it seemed like she hadn’t taken it that badly.“Bingo,” she said lightly. “Her boyfriend turned me down. No room for doubt—just clear and direct.”

“Oh, the designer guy?”

I’d met him. He was… Well, not a bad guy—but that was about the extent of my impression. I think there’s something about your friends’ boyfriends that makes them hard to get to know.

“Right, that one,” Kei said, somehow refreshed.

She was free now, I realized. She’d let him go. I was impressed. I doubt I would manage my heartbreak so neatly. I bet I’d be dragged around by it for ages, but here Kei had already put it behind her.

“If only Touka could be so relaxed about it,” I muttered.

Kei laughed. “If only that were all of it. If only that were all.”

“Eh? There’s more?”

“I know who that girl really is,” she said, naughtily.

“Uh… Wha—?” I asked, but the buzzer on the gate went off.

“Sorry,” Kei said, and turned towards the noise.

There was a boy standing in front of the gate, looking blank. He had forgotten to run his card through.

“What’s wrong?” Kei asked him.

“Ah… Nothing,” he said, like his eyes weren’t focusing.

The other kids were starting to cluster around.

“You all go on ahead, find your classrooms,” Kei said, loudly. Her manner brooked no questions, and everyone did exactly as they were told. She had more authority than most of the teachers.

Kei pulled the boy over to the side. One girl followed him. “What’s wrong, Anou-kun?” she asked, worriedly, putting her hand on his shoulder. They wore the same uniform. Looked like they were a couple moving up from the same junior high.

I don’t know why, but I thought to myself how nice it must be to be a carefree youth. I was a little jealous.

“N-no…just, um…” Anou-kun stuttered, apparently shaking his head.

“………”

I knew it was nosy, but I couldn’t stop watching them.

“…I just thought, why am I here?” Anou-kun said, like nothing made sense to him.

“What do you mean?” Kei asked, puzzled.

“I just… I feel like I lost something really, really important to come here. I don’t know what…” Anou-kun muttered.

“Are you okay?”

“Anou-kun had a rough time last year,” his girlfriend said.

But he just carried on, like he hadn’t even heard her. “I can’t figure out what it is. I haven’t lost anything. I know that. I know that, but… I don’t know what it was, but it was really important. The first time I’d found it…” It was like he was delirious.

Then tears started pouring down his cheeks.

I was surprised, and so were Kei and Anou-kun’s girlfriend.

“Wh-what? What’s wrong?”

“Anou-kun?”

“Huh?” He looked up, apparently surprised by his own tears.

He rubbed his cheeks, amazed. “Why am I crying?” he asked, bemused.

I moved away. I just couldn’t watch anymore without feeling guilty.

 

***

 

I went around the back of the school. It was quiet. There was no one else around.

Just to be on the safe side, I looked around, making sure that I couldn’t be seen.

“Okay…”

I clambered up and over the railings of the locked fire escape behind the school. This was the only route left to the roof these days. The door to the roof from the inside set of stairs was locked, and you couldn’t get outside. It was locked because Minahoshi Suiko had jumped off the roof, killing herself.

The fire escape made a racket as I climbed, surprising me, so I put my feet down as softly as possible.

It was windy on the roof. Keeping my hair out of my eyes, I headed towards the spot where Minahoshi Suiko had jumped.

I knew I would gain nothing by coming up here. I wasn’t Sherlock Holmes. I can’t claim that a simple visit to the scene will tell me everything, my dear Watson.

But I hoped I would at least catch a feeling.

To be honest, despite all the books I’d read on abnormal psychology, I didn’t know squat about suicides.

Of course, I had read interviews with the survivors of botched suicide attempts, but that was ultimately just the words of people who didn’t die. More than half of those people made no further attempt at suicide, and just went on with their lives.

But those who actually succeeded must be dramatically different. For example, I had read an essay by a writer who had been involved in a number of attempted suicides before finally managing to die. He wrote, “I myself do not particularly want to die, but I am pulled along by my obsession with the woman.” Then when he did manage to die, it was in a botched display of attempted suicide that had apparently succeeded.

But the real deal, the ones that intentionally die…even if they leave a note, it feels to me like they die without ever really communicating the true reason.

But what about Minahoshi Suiko?

Was she for real? Or was it a failure? Or had everyone misunderstood her, and it was only an accident? Or even worse, was it actually…

I shivered as I walked slowly forward. Then…as I reached the spot, I nearly shrieked. “————?!”

There was a girl standing there, hands on the railings, with a face so desperate she looked like she was about to jump right then and there.

 

***

 

Orihata Aya never asked Spooky E why she suddenly had to go to Shinyo Academy.

Even if she had, she could hardly have disobeyed, and as far as tests went, she had enough academic ability implanted in her to pass any test put in front of her, so that was no problem.

“…………”

She had come for the new students’ orientation, but there was still some time left before it started, so she had gone up to the roof. She wanted to see the sky. Why the gate was barred, she didn’t know, but she simply climbed right on over it.

Since she had met Taniguchi Masaki, she had begun to like looking up at the sky. When they were walking together, he would often say, “Gosh, the sky sure is beautiful.” And sure enough, she had begun to think it was.

“……………”

When she looked at the sky, she felt like her body was melting, like things would be easier.

She sometimes almost believed Masaki might forgive her…

“…………”

But that was impossible.

She was unforgivable.

When she thought of all the danger she had put him in, how she had deceived him, how she had kept him from the truth… Even if he killed her, she could hardly complain.

And somewhere deep inside, Aya wanted Masaki to kill her.

She thought, If that happened, what a weight off my shoulders that would be.

Before she knew it, she was gripping the railing around the roof tightly, shaking like a leaf.

“Uh… Um,” a voice stuttered from behind her.

She turned around, and a girl from this high school—her senpai—was coming hesitantly towards her.

Aya remembered her face. She had seen her before. Not directly, but in a file. Her name was Suema Kazuko.

“Yes?” Aya asked.

“No, um… I know I might have read things wrong and this may just sound stupid, but…” Suema Kazuko ventured. “But, um, if you’re thinking about jumping, then, uh, please don’t. Someone already jumped from there. And… And that’s not good…”

“………” Aya’s eyes widened.

“I… I know there’s no guarantee that things will get better if you live, so it’s too simple to say so. But, I mean, if you die, then the things you hate, and all those things you can’t tolerate…they won’t go away. So, uh, my point is…”

While Suema was rambling, she closed the gap between them, and suddenly grabbed ahold of Aya’s arm.

Aya looked at that powerful grip and then at the other girl’s face.

“Dying is useless. That’s all I can say,” Suema said forcefully, staring directly into Aya’s eyes. She showed no signs of letting go.

“…………” Aya had no idea of how to clear up the misunderstanding.

Was it really a misunderstanding?

Had she, deep down, really wanted to jump?

She wasn’t sure.

But either way, Suema Kazuko probably wouldn’t let go. She was sure of that.

“Useless…?” Aya said, quietly.

“Yep. Perhaps you think your life doesn’t have any meaning, but dying has even less.”

“…………”

Was that true? If she died here, then at least Masaki would be protected, indirectly.

Aya hung her head.

“I want to die,” she said, letting herself say it.

Suema frowned. “Really?”

Aya nodded weakly.

“I see. But you can’t now—because I found you.”

Suema pulled on her arm, dragging Aya to the center of the roof. She forced her to sit down.

“I’m sorry, Suema-san,” Aya whispered.

Mm? Suema looked at her, startled. “You know me?”

Oops, Aya thought, but her conditioned reflexes took over, and she said smoothly, “Yes, I know someone who goes here. They told me about you. You are Suema Kazuko-senpai, right?”

“Who…? What did you hear? Oh, nah—never mind. I can guess,” Kazuko said ruefully, a little exasperated.

“I’m sorry.”

In fact, her photograph had been in the follow-up subject data file. She had nearly lost her life in an incident six years before, but Suema herself had been unaware of that, so she was not even on the Towa Organization’s checklist.

“No need to apologize,” Suema gave her a gentle smile.

Aya was silent for a moment, then asked, “Um, Suema-senpai, can I ask you something?”

“What’s that?”

“What do you think about Boogiepop?”

“Er…” Suema looked confused. “What do I think? Don’t take this the wrong way, but that kind of rumor’s a little…”

“You don’t believe it?”

“Mmm… Yeah, basically. But more than that, I just don’t know anything about it.”

“Really? But all of the girls…”

“Yep, all of them. Except me,” Suema sighed. “They all think I’m morbid… Like, I know everything there is to know about murder. So nobody ever thinks to tell me about stuff like ‘Boogiepop’…”

“Oh…”

“But you know, like, that sort of killer, or shinigami or whatever… It’s so blah. Typical adolescent imagery. Everyone’s anxious about something, so part of them feels like it would be just great if everything around them were destroyed. Like they want to be killed.”

“………” Aya stiffened.

“And grown-ups are all irresponsibly saying crap like, ‘This period of anxiety is only a phase. Things will get better soon.’ Ha! Like that helps. Things just aren’t that easy, right?” Suema’s shoulders slumped. “That’s where he comes in.”

“Huh…?”

“Boogiepop. That’s why he exists. To protect an unstable heart and… And keep it like that. That’s all he is, I think. Course, you’re probably happier believing in him,” Suema added with a shrug, as if joking.

This unexpected answer confused Aya. “Protect?”

“Even though he’s a shinigami? But that kind of thing’s the product of romanticism, bred without much knowledge of actual assassins. Anyone who’s actually killed someone would never put on some goofy ass costume. I mean, seriously!”

“…………” Aya lowered her gaze. Whatever Boogiepop was, she didn’t think he would protect her. “Senpai, can I talk to you?” Her mouth moved before she thought. She had never before tried to talk to someone of her own accord like this.

“Sure,” Suema nodded, so readily that Aya’s little mouth opened.

“A boy…likes me,” she said. “I think.”

“Mm.”

“But I… I’m no good. I can’t do something…like that.”

“Mm.”

“I’m no good for him… But I don’t know what to do.”

“Mm.”

“I’d do anything for him… But there’s just nothing I can do. And instead, I’m just causing all sorts of problems for him. What can I do…?” As she talked, she found herself shaking again. Her hands clutched her own shoulders, but that couldn’t stop her trembling.

“Mm,” Suema nodded.

“I can’t be hated by anybody. That’s the way I am, but if this goes on, he’s going to hate me…”

“Mm.”

“But the only thing justifying my existence is that nobody hates me. But there’s nothing I can do…nothing left for me to do. I’d be better off if I wasn’t alive…”

“Impossible,” Suema spoke at last. “It’s impossible to live without someone hating you,” she declared.

“Eh…?” Aya looked up.

Suema stared at her, peering into her eyes. Not accusingly, though. No, it was like the gaze of a mother looking at a sleeping child. Yet Orihata Aya had never been looked at that way before, so she was quite flustered.

“Being alive means you have to come into contact with other people. No matter how hard you try, you will end up hurting some of those people. There’s nothing we can do about it. That’s just life,” Suema explained calmly. Her direct—yet gentle and soft—gaze made Aya feel like she was naked.

“B-but…”

“I’d bet good money that you’ve already made yourself several enemies. And not just any enemies. I’m talking people who hate you so much that they want to kill you,” Suema said, the softness of her tone contrasting with the harshness of her words.

“…………” Aya was floored. She could form no answer. Her mouth opened, but barely formed words. “Wh-what…do you…?”

“That’s the way things are,” Suema said, answering without really answering. Yet it sounded awfully convincing. She continued, “The very idea of living without being hated is detestable. You may not mean it that way, but trying to not be hated is like violating another’s right to hate you. See what I mean? You’re the one hurting them,” she said, heatedly.

“……………” Aya simply stared back at her. Suema’s gaze never wavered.

“Not to change the subject or anything, but have you ever heard of a writer named Kirima Seiichi?” Suema asked.

“Huh?” Aya snapped out of it.

Suema nodded, “Well, he’s a novelist--though, uh, I still haven’t gotten to actually reading any of his fiction stuff. Anyway, in one of his psychology books, he wrote: ‘There certainly is something out there. Something that makes people believe that they have to know their place in life. This knowledge gets in between people, and rocks the very foundations of this world.’” Suema spouted this quote off smoothly from memory. She thought it was perfectly normal, but her ability to produce things like this at the drop of a hat was one reason other people were so creeped out by her. She was pretty oblivious to that fact, though.

Going on, she said, “‘…If there is anything that gives value to human life, it is the struggle with that “something.” In the battle with the Imaginator that does your thinking for you, VS Imaginator is the starting line upon which all humans must stand.’ Which is pretty hard to grasp, I know. But the point is, humans are all bound by the chains of common sense far more than we realize—and this is what makes us suffer.”

“Chains…?”

“Right. If we’re bound by something, we’ve got to cut ourselves loose; that’s what he’s going on about.” Suema spoke of this writer like most people do when using a friend as an example.

“…………”

“I’m sure you have something you have to do, something that you can’t live without doing. I’m not gonna ask you what that is, but that boy who likes you…he doesn’t want you to be tying yourself into knots like this. That much I’m sure of.”

“Yes.” Aya nodded, hooked on Suema’s words.

Suema grinned. “This is gonna sound pretty pompous, but I really think you’re missing the concept of that ‘struggle.’ And you really need to get that.”

“Yes…” Aya said. But how could she get it? Despite her uncertainty, she grit her teeth—Aya knew this girl was right.

“You can die after you fight,” Suema said. “For now, let’s get down from here. You’re a new student, right?”

“Yes, I am…”

“Oh, no! The orientations have already started! We’d better hurry!”

 

***

 

I grabbed her hand and led her down from the roof.

When we reached the ground, she turned to me and bowed.

“Thank you. I don’t know if I can do anything, but I’m going to try,” she said.

I was a little flustered. I’m not really the best person to be dispensing life counseling. I’m more of the type to receive it. Yet it seemed like something I said must’ve sunken in.

“Yeah… Sorry for rambling on like that,” I said, honestly.

She shook her head. “No…um, senpai…?”

“Yes?”

“If the one I have to fight is Boogiepop, then should I still fight?” she asked, deadly serious.

Naturally, I replied, “Absolutely.” I knew nothing about her, but I was making sweeping declarations.

“Thank you,” she said again, and turned and ran.

Suddenly I realized something, and called after her, “What’s your name?”

“Orihata Aya,” she said, stopping, and bowing once more.

“Good luck, Orihata-san,” I waved.

And for some reason, I had the strangest feeling that I would meet her again. I don’t know how I knew this, but the sharp pain in my chest said I would.

 

Boogiepop Returns – “SIGNS” closed.

To be continued in Boogiepop VS Imaginator