Side Story: Weapon Shopping

Side Story:
Weapon Shopping

YOI WAS ALL SMILES as she pulled me along the road by the collar around my neck, wagons and carts passing us by. Suddenly, though, we changed course and turned down an alleyway.

A cramped shopping district awaited us, located in the shadows of the other tall, imposing buildings lining the main road. Although the entrances to the shops were all tiny and narrow, they led to long, snaking passages that stretched back deep into the stores. There were all sorts of weapons and armor on display, and the stores were cramped enough that some of the products jutted out into the road.

“All these weapons and junk in a narrow side street…weird,” I mumbled. “I thought for sure we would’ve hit up a shop on the main road.”

Yoi turned around at that. “This is where all new adventurers get what they need to get started!”

“Oh, I see!” I turned to Mari. “So these shops are all geared to novice adventurers, then?”

Mari seemed annoyed that I asked her, but she still answered. “They have some new equipment here, but most of it is secondhand. It’s not a problem—polish it up and it works well enough, so it’s perfect for newbie adventurers. I went here too when I started out,” she added, folding her arms.

With such a flat chest, folding her arms did nothing to emphasize what little Mari had to work with. Mari glared back at me as I marveled at her sheer boobless cliff-face.

“Where the hell do you think you’re looking?” she snapped.

“Sorry, I was, uh. Just dumbfounded by all the new sights.”

“You’re not some country yokel on vacation, so stop looking like one! It’s embarrassing!” Mari landed an open-handed slap on my bare ass with all her might, and I tried very hard not to let out a little shriek. (Unsuccessfully.)

Yoi turned to me with a smile. “Now that we’re here, let’s go get all the stuff you’ll need to be an adventurer, Mr. Slave!”

“Yes, that sounds great, Miss Yoi!”

It was hard not to smile back when she was so damn chipper.

Wasting no time, we scoured the first shop to find a good weapon for me. While we searched, Mari told me that I needed something fairly general purpose if I was going to tackle a dungeon with it.

“Swords are always useful, sure, but there are times you’ll be up against something with skin too tough to pierce with a blade.”

Yoi nodded. “That’s when you’ll need a blunt weapon to get the job done, Mr. Slave!”

“A blunt weapon, huh?” And wouldn’t you know it, here was a corner of the store filled with just that type. They had everything, from sticks with hunks of metal fastened to the end of the handles, to more traditional armaments like morning stars.

I picked one out and hoisted it up. Yeah, a mace had to be the most basic of your basic blunt weapons.

Maces were an evolution of crude clubs and cudgels, and you could use them without worrying about upkeep—also, any lack of sharpness was more than balanced out by their ability to deal impact damage through even the toughest armor.

“You ever use one of those?” Mari asked.

“No, but I did get used to swinging a bat around back when I was playing a two-bit thug for this TV show I worked on.”

I hadn’t been given a gun since I was just an extra, so they handed me and the other “gang members” a metal bat for our scene. Together we trashed an office belonging to a rival gang. That particular role ended with me getting shot by the rival gang leader.

Swinging the bat to deal damage was different from swinging it to play baseball. You needed both hands and you needed to really put your everything into it. I think maces were one-handed, though.

“What’s a ‘tee-vee show’?” Yoi asked.

“It’s a type of play. He was an actor,” Mari explained.

“Oh, I getcha!”

A perfect explanation. It had been beyond me to explain. Mari pushed up her glasses with her finger and turned to me. “Right, you said you hopped between part-time jobs back on Earth.”

“I guess that’s one way to put it. Think of me more as a ‘part-time warrior,’ wandering from job to job.”

“Because you couldn’t hold a job.”

Mari’s barbed words almost knocked me flat onto the ground. Just talking to her was throwing me off my game, so I decided to Not Do That as much as possible.

“Which weapon do you think would be a good fit for you, Mr. Slave?”

“It’s hard to choose with so many options, but I think for me, simple works best. I would be honored if I could have this one, Miss Yoi.” I picked one that felt good to hold and bowed over and over to my little master as I made my request.

“’Kay! Go and get this paid for, partner-in-crime!” she said to Mari.

The mace I picked out cost a whopping three silver pieces, but Yoi paid for it like it was nothing at all. Well, if she was willing to pay that much for me, I’d be sure to put in the sort of work she deserved!

“Then we’re done here,” said Mari. “Yoi and I have everything we need for camping outdoors, so we’re good on that front.”

“Um, aren’t we still forgetting something?”

Mari sighed. “What?”

We’d just gone back out into the narrow alleyway after purchasing my mace, and Yoi had already run on ahead of us. “If we’re going to be camping outdoors, shouldn’t I have something to wear?”

“No. You’re a slave. What do you expect? Slaves are supposed to be naked, idiot. We’ll take your chains off, though. Can’t have you work as an adventurer for us while you’re all tied up.”

With another haughty snort, she gave my chain a suffocating yank.

If this was where I ended up, I had to make the best of it. The harder I worked, the better I’d be rewarded, right? Well, I was gonna become the kind of slave to earn his own shiny pair of underwear!