Volume 2, Chapter 38 – What Is Hoped For and What Is Not

As it turned out, Estelle did not wake up until the sun set.

After dinner, Fia came to the door. Noreen was still guarding the door, but unlike the times before when Fia came and she would be motionless, the current Noreen seemed very anxious. She kept reaching out to push the door open, but her hand would suddenly stop midway. Especially when she saw Fia approaching, Noreen instantly ran to Fia in three steps, as if she had found a savior, and tried to grab Fia’s hand.

Fia knew what had happened without Noreen needing to say it—Estelle had woken up.

“Shh, leave it to me. Don’t reveal yourself.”

After making a shushing gesture to Noreen, Fia went to the door. She first gently knocked on the door, then pushed it open. To prevent Estelle from seeing Noreen, Fia deliberately used her body to block the gap in the door and closed the door after she entered.

Estelle was sitting alone by the tea table. The water in the teacup was more than half gone. It was clear that Estelle had been awake for some time.

Her face was extremely haggard. Upon hearing the clicking sound of the lock, Estelle came back from her daze. She looked at Fia and gave a forced smile.

“I’m still alive… Does that mean the Despair Demon General failed? Or is this the Land of the Dead, and we are both souls?”

“It’s the former, of course,” Fia sat down opposite Estelle. “The Despair Demon General is dead. I sent him to hell in the way he liked the most. It’s a pity you fainted and couldn’t hear his last words.”

“Is that so? That’s good.”

Even though the Despair Demon General was dead, there was no emotional fluctuation on Estelle’s face. It was as if she had just heard some commonplace news. She calmly picked up the teacup.

Fia couldn’t help but hesitate for a moment.

Estelle’s reaction was too calm. It was not normal. However, Fia could not say anything about it, because she could guess what Estelle was thinking—Estelle was probably completely heartbroken and had given up on herself. With this kind of attitude, things that happened to others and things that concerned her own interests would no longer matter to her. Perhaps even if death was right in front of Estelle, she would not dodge it. She felt that anything was fine.

…You’re not giving up on yourself, are you? Although she wanted to say this, Fia could not lecture Estelle from an elder’s point of view. To have personally destroyed everything she cherished, including her relatives, she had already suffered enough.

After a moment of deliberation, Fia picked up an empty teacup from the side and poured water into it.

“Not only is the Despair Demon General dead, but I’ve also cleared out the chaos in the city. The soldiers told me this afternoon that a third of the buildings in the western district are still intact. The other three areas are probably about the same. The chaos did not lay its hands on the precious jewelry. Selling them and trading them for clothes and food should be enough to get you through the winter. All that’s left is—”

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“That’s enough.”

Before Fia could finish, Estelle, in a voice mixed with a hint of impatience yet still calm, stopped her. Her gaze was still on the teacup in her hand, as if her soul had been entrusted to this thing.

“I’m no longer a noble, Fia. What you’re saying is useless to me now.”

“What do you mean you’re no longer a noble?”

Fia frowned.

The hand Estelle was holding the teacup with trembled. She raised her face and gave a half-bitter, half-lonely smile.

“The bloodline of the House of Oro does not flow through my body. Didn’t the Despair Demon General reveal the truth? I was an item that my father… that Count Oro adopted to comfort my mother. My mother had no ability to procreate and could only rely on adopting a child to fulfill her wish to raise a child. The nobles were right. I’m nothing but an imitation. I should have realized it long ago. The fact that I only have half a wing already told me the answer, yet I insisted on seeing myself as a member of the House of Oro.”

At this, Estelle’s sharp fangs bit her lips, and her words became hard to understand.

“If-if I hadn’t wanted to prove something that never existed, none of this would have happened. No, if I hadn’t existed in the first place, my father, my sister Noreen, and Norton, and everyone in the city would have all been alive. It’s all because of me… I caused all of this…”

By the end of her sentence, a hint of a choked sob was added to Estelle’s voice. As if punishing herself, she crushed the teacup with a bang. The shards pierced her palm, and blood dripped onto the carpet. However, Estelle did not seem to feel the pain. She just bowed her head deeply, and her voice and expression became twisted at the same time.

“I killed everyone… Everyone is dead. I said something about noble honor and becoming the person my sister hoped I would be, but wasn’t I unqualified for all of that from the very beginning? How ridiculous. The effort and feelings I put in, and the things I hoped for, were all destined to be unreachable from the start! Why did I have to appear in the House of Oro? If I hadn’t been here, none of this would have happened—”

Her eyes widened in an instant. As if she had remembered something, Estelle showed a frightening, mad smile. She stood up. As if she hadn’t seen the blood continuously flowing from her fingers, she took out her golden long scissors and held her single wing in front of her.

“That’s right, it’s because of this… It’s because of this wing that I was given away. If I didn’t have it… if I didn’t have it, this disaster wouldn’t have happened. Neither my own family nor my sister’s family would have ended up like this. It’s all because of it! And me, for being shameless enough to have it! We all deserve to die! A defective product should go to where it belongs!”

“Stop!”

Estelle, with a fierce smile, swung the long scissors at her black wing, but before she could, Fia grabbed Estelle’s wrist.

The table overturned as Fia moved forward. The sound of teacups and a teapot shattering echoed across the floor.

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Fia held Estelle’s wrist and glared fiercely into Estelle’s eyes.

“Are you crazy?!”

But Estelle was not intimidated. She glared back at Fia.

“I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do! Let me go, Fia! Or don’t blame me if I get nasty with you!”

“Heh,” Fia, angered, laughed instead. “Not only did you kill your sister and father, but now you won’t even recognize me either? You are truly the Despair Demon General’s perfect puppet, Estelle.”

“You… bas—tard—”

Fia’s words clearly enraged Estelle. The latter tried to attack, but because the hand holding the weapon was being held by Fia, she could only use her other hand to punch Fia’s face.

But Fia did not give Estelle the chance. She used her brute force to push Estelle to the ground. She took the opportunity to knock the long scissors out of Estelle’s hand. She then knelt on Estelle’s hands with her knees and pressed Estelle’s head with her right hand, making Estelle’s cheek press against the floor.

“Listen to me! The culprit who caused all of this is the Despair Demon General, and it has nothing to do with you, Estelle! To take all the responsibility on yourself… I’m only holding back because you’re a woman. Your pathetic state makes me furious just looking at it. How far do you plan to fall into ruin?! Is your so-called noble pride nothing more than a lie you tell to others?!”

“Get away from me!”

“You need to face reality!”

With anger surging in her heart, Fia pressed her hand against Estelle’s head, so hard that a “crack” sounded from the wooden floor.

Fia’s heart skipped a beat. She quickly released Estelle, wanting to help her up. But to Fia’s surprise, Estelle was fine. And with that, Estelle turned and swung a fist at Fia.

A fist of that speed could not escape Fia’s grasp. Fia simply raised her hand and caught Estelle’s punch.

“You bastard—”

Estelle did not give up. After Fia caught one of her fists, she used all her strength to swing her other fist, but as expected, Fia caught that one as well.

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“Are you still not listening to me?! You are no match for me! You need to pull yourself together! First, you pretend to be pitiful, and then you harm yourself in front of me. If you don’t want me to misunderstand that you’re deliberately trying to get my sympathy, then don’t give up on yourself in front of me!”

Fia’s gaze glanced at Estelle’s forehead. Blood was slowly seeping out from a wound caused by her rough treatment. The sympathy in her heart grew uncontrollably. Fia couldn’t help but purse her lips. She felt the struggle in Estelle’s hands gradually soften and weaken. Then, a low, hard-to-ignore sob entered her ears.

“Why… why can’t you be a little gentle with me even at a time like this…” Estelle had already lowered her head. Her shoulders trembled uncontrollably. As if all her strength had been sucked out of her, Estelle’s knees went weak, and she knelt on the ground with a thud. “I’ve lost everything… Why can’t you be a little more lenient with me? Why won’t you spare me even a little warmth…?”

Fia felt a lump in her throat. She knelt down in silence. She put her hands on Estelle’s shoulders, looked her in the eyes, and softened her voice.

“The person who truly killed Noreen and your father is the Despair Demon General, not you. You, Estelle, are a victim, just like all the other dead people.”

“But the Despair Demon General is dead.”

Estelle’s voice still held a sob. She was holding the hand that had been pierced by the shards of porcelain with her uninjured hand.

Fia placed her fingers on Estelle’s injured palm. With [Elementary Hydration Spell], she healed the wound. She said calmly.

“Yes, he’s dead. I killed him. But are you going to resent me because I killed your enemy? If you really think that, then go ahead and resent me. I welcome your revenge anytime. But I won’t lose my mind like you. No matter what you do, I will not use force against you.”

“You…” Estelle looked up. Her blood-colored eyes first showed anger, then gradually softened, turning into a look of bitter laughter. “First it was the Despair Demon General, and now it’s you…? How long are you going to toy with me? Seeing me in such a pathetic state, does that make you happy? Weren’t we… weren’t we close friends, Fia? You said that yourself, ‘close friends.’ Were you lying to me? Or was it just a joke, and I was the only one who took it seriously?”

By the end of her sentence, Estelle had already grabbed Fia’s arms and was shaking her, as if she were questioning her.

Her eyes were like those of slaves and refugees who had lost all hope of survival. If she were to just leave now, Estelle would probably choose to end her own life. Looking at Estelle, who had a face full of despair, Fia couldn’t help but think this.

She hesitated for a moment. A different kind of emotion welled up in her chest. Then, in Estelle’s wide, astonished eyes, she hugged Estelle.

The beating of their hearts, the warmth of their skin, the sound of their breathing, and the fragrance that surrounded their noses. All these sensory stimulations entered their minds at the same time, mixing together.

With her fingers clenched on Estelle’s shoulders and her cheek pressed against the side of Estelle’s face, Fia bit her lips, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

“I wasn’t lying to you. I just didn’t want to see you give up on yourself, Estelle. I wanted you to pull yourself together. I didn’t know how to convey my feelings to you, so I could only use this clumsy, seemingly bullying way… Now, no one but you and I know that you are not Count Oro’s biological child. And no one knows that the disaster was caused by the Despair Demon General planting the Seed of Despair in you. You can continue to be the third daughter of the House of Oro.”

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“…Stop it,” Although she was arguing against Fia’s words, Estelle’s voice did not hold the same hostility as before. She was just speaking weakly and dejectedly. “The blood of my father and mother doesn’t flow through my body…”

“But didn’t you also say that both Count Oro and your mother acknowledged you as their child? That’s enough. Even Count Oro, who had the most authority, acknowledged you as his daughter. What more could you possibly care about, Estelle?”

“And your sister. If you give up here, what was Noreen’s teaching for? ‘As a noble, you should stand up in a time of disaster. That’s the duty of a noble of the House of Oro.’ You said that yourself. That’s the way of a noble that Noreen taught you. If you still acknowledge your sister and your identity as a member of the House of Oro, you should stand up and become the new Count Oro, now that the territory is in ruins. That would be fulfilling your duty to the House of Oro. Being a noble is not something you are born with. Count Oro also only became a noble after he was granted the title by the founding emperor.”

With only sincerity left in her voice, Fia hugged Estelle a little tighter.

“If you give up here, you will have nothing left. The will that Count Oro and Noreen left on you will completely disappear. I don’t want to see you give up on yourself, and I don’t want to feel pity or sympathy for you. Because the Estelle I know is a strong friend whom I cannot help but admire. I want us to be equals, not me giving charity to you. If hugging you like this can make you feel what I feel, then I don’t care how long I hug you… Can you understand what I’m feeling, Estelle?”

There was no response.

But Fia could feel Estelle’s answer—because the latter’s body was trembling even more violently. Not only that, but Estelle seemed to be trying to hold back her tears. Fia could only hear a muffled, but very obvious, sob coming from her.

My feelings must have reached Estelle.

Feeling Estelle’s cries, which she could no longer hold back, Fia thought this.

Although all of this was cruel, Estelle had made it through. From now on, she would become even stronger, a Count Oro whom people would look up to.

Letting out a long sigh of relief in her heart, Fia gently stroked Estelle’s soft golden hair.

“There’s no one else here. Don’t worry. I will stay here and give you this little warmth until you feel it’s enough.”

A few seconds passed.

“Mmm…”

Finally, like a flood bursting a dam, Estelle could no longer hold back her sobs and whimpers. She hugged Fia and cried uncontrollably.

Her cries, along with the summer evening breeze, dissolved into the land covered in starlight.