Volume 4, Chapter 33 – Joy and Melancholy

“Ugh…”

The dull pain and ringing in her brain made it impossible for Erin Slate to speak for a moment. She could hear Fia’s words and understand their meaning, but she couldn’t respond. This was both a brief side effect of the [Mental Shock] and a sign of her decreased physical control after being eroded by the Darkborn Disease.

Fia, having read the princess’s notes, was also aware of this. She extended a hand to Erin Slate, pulling her up from her prone position on the floor.

However, because the treatment had required Fia to tear the back of Erin Slate’s dress, it was one thing for her to be lying face down, but now that she was standing, the fabric on her chest naturally sagged with gravity. Her magnificent, unrestrained bosom bounced out like jelly poured from a cup. The dazzling expanse of snow-white skin almost instantly captivated one’s gaze. By the time Fia realized this was impolite and averted her eyes, it was already too late.

Both her stunning chest and her slender, flawless waist were deeply imprinted in her mind.

Fia swore that this was absolutely a subconscious act of the body, not driven by some impure thought. It was all an accident.

But such an excuse was obviously pale. She was the one who had torn the clothes, and she was the one who had pulled Erin Slate up. Not to mention, the act of accidentally peeking was in itself very impolite. Because she had looked away, she couldn’t see Erin Slate’s expression. She could only awkwardly rub her nose and bring up a new topic to ease the atmosphere.

“You should change your clothes first… preferably to the same color.”

“My deepest apologies, Lord Thanatos. I only have one night-colored formal dress with me…”

“Night-colored” referred to a deep purple, somewhere between purple and black. Although not completely black, it looked no different in the darkness of night.

“Night-colored is fine. Hurry and change.”

“Yes.”

Keeping her face turned to the side, Fia tried her best to ignore the sound of clothes rubbing against skin.

—That being said, the image of the vast expanse of white she had accidentally glimpsed still inevitably appeared in her mind. That volume was probably on par with Claire’s, only slightly inferior to Anastasia’s. Combined with Erin Slate’s title of Sword Saint and her approachable personality, she was a perfect “older sister” type character, inside and out. She had a premonition that it would be difficult for her to forget what she had seen tonight for a long time to come.

I must keep this a secret. At least, Claire must not find out. This is definitely not infidelity, definitely not.

While Fia was thinking this, Erin Slate, on the other hand, was having a novel experience.

The reason she had lost her sanity just now was, one, due to the extreme emotional fluctuation and the indignation she felt towards Anastasia, and two, due to the erosion of the Darkborn Disease.

Two months was enough time for the patterns of the disease to cover most of the skin on her back. The disease did not only act up when it covered the entire body. At Erin Slate’s previous stage, it was already at a point where it would infinitely amplify her emotions, making her impulsive and irritable.

With her emotions already in turmoil, and driven by the disease, she had had the impulse to settle the score with Anastasia, her body becoming uncontrollable.

However, Fia had already used the nanomachines to eliminate the disease’s patterns on her body. Now that she had regained her sanity, she began to notice some unusual things.

Namely, Fia’s attitude.

If it had been the former princess, even if she had seen her appear naked, her expression would not have fluctuated in the slightest, as if it were a common sight, or as if she were looking at a stray cat or dog. In any case, she would not have done what Fia was doing now—turning her head away.

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—It was as if she were shy.

If this had been before, Erin Slate would have thought this was just an act Fia was putting on to fit the setting of having lost her memory. But now she knew that Fia had truly lost her memory, which meant this was a genuine reaction. Shyness meant that her master no longer saw her as a stray cat or dog, but as an elf, just like her. In other words, the thought of “it’s impolite to keep looking” had occurred to her.

A leap forward in progress.

If she could, Erin Slate would have run back to her residence right now, hugged a pillow, and screamed with excitement. Although she also liked the former princess’s cold demeanor, so unmoved even when seeing her naked—such a cold personality was captivating—if she had to say, she was happier being seen as a woman by the princess.

To be upgraded from a tool to a woman meant… it meant that her feelings might…

—No, no, no, it’s still too early for that.

Erin Slate quickly negated the thought.

However, since she was being treated as a woman, she had to have the self-awareness of a woman. In the future, if she were to encounter a situation where her clothes were taken off and she was bare before her master, she could no longer be as expressionless as before, as if nothing had happened. She had to show the shyness and modesty a woman should have. That would be in line with the current “special treatment,” and would probably capture her master’s heart even more.

Of course, it wasn’t just excitement in Erin Slate’s heart. Besides happiness, she also felt sadness. Although they were two contradictory emotions, at this moment, they were perfectly fused together. She was both joyful that her master saw her as a woman because of her memory loss, and wistful that her master had forgotten the time they had spent together.

Although the time they had spent together was only one-sidedly warm for her, and was just a trivial matter for her master, this did not affect the sense of loss in her heart. To be remembered but not mentioned, and to be completely forgotten, were two different things.

No, being wistful now is useless. As long as she is alive, that’s all that matters.

Erin Slate, who was tying the bow at her neck, took a deep breath, regulating her breathing.

Although she didn’t know what her master had encountered in the Milcandis Holy Kingdom, as long as she was alive, she could tell her about the past, little by little. In any case, what she had to do would not change—to follow by her master’s side as always, and to do her best to ease the burdens of this god who had been the only one to extend a hand to her when she had been abandoned by the world.

Her golden eyes gradually brightened, and the aura around her slowly stabilized. As if nothing had happened, she stood before Fia.

“I have finished changing, Lord Thanatos.”

“Mhm.”

Seeing Fia turn to face her, Erin Slate dropped to one knee with a look of shame, her head bowed deeply.

“My deepest apologies. I lost my composure. Even if I was controlled by the Darkborn Disease, it is an unforgivable crime. I await your punishment, Lord Thanatos!”

“It is not your fault. If anyone is to blame, it is me, or the former princess.”

“How can you be blamed! The only one at fault is me! If I had told you about the patterns on my body sooner, or if I had been able to control my emotions, the scene just now would not have happened. I… I actually defied your orders. As the manager of the organization, I am truly ashamed!”

Looking at Erin Slate, whose shoulders were trembling with shame, Fia couldn’t help but feel a little troubled. She raised an eyebrow and said.

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“I didn’t ask you either, did I? You didn’t know I had lost my memory, and we were always talking about business. The fault does not lie with you. Rather, it is I who, knowing that the patterns on your bodies needed to be cleansed, did not find you in the first place. Let’s leave the idle talk at that. You know I’ve lost my memory. First, answer a few of my questions. First, what do we do? Second, how did I get in touch with each of the thirty-four people in the organization? This is very important.”

As she spoke, Fia walked back around the desk and sat in the only chair. In fact, she didn’t like to speak to people from a high and mighty position; she preferred an equal relationship. But for some reason, just now she had felt that she had to sit in this one and only chair to speak, as if only this way would fit the personality of Thanatos.

Could this be a habit of the princess? She had heard the same thing from different people. Whether it was Anastasia, Liti, or even Estelle, they had all said that she was exactly like the former princess in some ways. But she had never felt it herself. It wasn’t until just now, when she subconsciously felt that it was appropriate to sit in the chair to speak, that she finally got a sense of it. This was something the princess had left her.

As Fia hadn’t told her to look up, Erin Slate remained in her posture of kneeling on one knee with her head bowed deeply. Otherwise, if she had seen Fia’s action of sitting back in the chair, she would have thought she was joking with her, that Fia hadn’t lost her memory at all.

At that moment, both her expression and her posture were exactly the same as in the past—clean, sharp, and full of a king’s majesty.

“This is a long story. It would be difficult to finish it in a day and a night. In my opinion, it is best to keep the matter of Your Highness truly losing your memory a secret for now. After the incident with Becky, although I have strictly screened the people in the organization, so many years have passed. I worry that they may have been corrupted by the secular world and will have second thoughts after learning of your memory loss.”

“Alright. You have more authority in this matter than I do. We’ll do as you say.”

To be so trusted by her amnesiac master, Erin Slate’s heart burned with passion, but she couldn’t help but feel a little puzzled.

“Uh… Lord Thanatos, I have a question.”

“Speak.”

“You’ve lost your memory, so how do you remember our existence? It’s not strange that Renee knows about me and Loca, but it’s impossible for her to know that there are thirty-four people in the organization, let alone that the raw material for curing the Darkborn Disease is your blood.”

“I learned it from a note left by the former princess. Don’t ask me where it is; it’s already been burned. The princess had placed a restriction on it. As soon as I finished reading it, it would self-destruct. Also, look up when you speak. In the future, you do not need to kneel before me in private.”

“Thank you, Lord Thanatos.”

With Fia’s permission, Erin Slate finally stood up. What came into her vision was Fia, sitting in her chair with the Holy Tree as a backdrop. If it had been a princess like Liti, she would have looked holy at this moment. However, Fia was dressed in black hair and a silver cloak. Her eyes, in particular, which revealed a restrained red glow in the night, only made her look cold and bewitching.

A natural-born queen.

Marveling internally, Erin Slate discreetly glanced at Fia’s index finger (the saliva on it had already been wiped dry by Fia). Just a moment ago, that finger had been on her tongue—at this thought, a sense of pride immediately rose in her heart. Anastasia had only had a finger pressed to her lips. Without a doubt, she had gone a step further than Anastasia.

Of course, Erin Slate was not the type to let private matters interfere with business. She had not forgotten that she was still talking to Fia.

“I wanted to ask where Lord Thanatos got the note.”

“Right on this desk. And I only got it after I came back yesterday. There wasn’t much written on it, only how to contact you and the method for curing the Darkborn Disease.”

With her photographic memory, Fia recited the contents of the note to Erin Slate.

“Mmm…” Erin Slate frowned, her fine brows furrowed as she fell into thought. “That is to say, the former Lord Thanatos knew before she set out that she might lose her memory, so she left a message for the current you. But if she knew she would lose her memory, why didn’t she just tell me directly, or leave some arrangements? This is very unusual.”

“I don’t know.”

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Fia shrugged lightly. She found it just as strange as Erin Slate did. If the princess was worried that Erin would stop her if she knew, she should have at least left a clue for her successor, such as a note on her person, rather than leaving a strange notebook in the capital.

“Perhaps the former princess didn’t expect things to get so bad, to lose all her memories, or perhaps something unexpected happened. The only thing we can do now is to search this palace for any other possible clues. If there is more than one note, we might be able to make some progress. This is also what I wanted to tell you when I asked Anastasia to find you this afternoon. There are too many books in the library. I don’t know how long it would take me to go through them all by myself.”

“Please leave it to me. I will select suitable candidates.”

“Mhm. And tell me how we met. If we are to keep this a secret from the remaining thirty-three people, then I need to know what happened in the past. The patterns of the disease on them should be similar to yours. I must see them during this time.”

“Yes. Then let me start with myself.” A hint of urgency entered Erin Slate’s voice. “At that time, I had just arrived in the Land of Exile—”

Erin Slate had just started to speak when a knock came from the library door.

“Your Highness, the bath is ready.”

Erin Slate immediately closed her mouth. Although Anastasia had never entered the library without permission, the current situation was different. She had to be cautious.

“I know. I’ll be there now,” Fia answered, standing up. She then looked back at Erin Slate in her night-colored dress. “That’s all for today. Contact me with [Remote Message] after you go back. Use 100.5.”

“With [Remote Message]?” A hint of confusion appeared in Erin Slate’s expression. “To talk about these things with [Remote Message], even at a close distance, the mana consumption would be unimaginable…”

“It’s fine. You saw my battle with Greyan during the day. I am not the same as before. I have as much mana as I need.”

How much is ‘as much as I need’?

Although she didn’t understand, Erin Slate quickly nodded. Even if her master had lost her memory, she would not say something she was not sure of.

“I understand.”

After their brief exchange, the two of them came to the library door. Erin Slate opened the door for Fia as usual, and then her gaze met Anastasia’s, who was waiting outside.

Erin Slate couldn’t help but raise a fine eyebrow. It wasn’t that she still hated Anastasia; all the current signs indicated that Fia’s memory loss had nothing to do with her negligence. The reason she acted this way was simply out of jealousy.

Jealousy that Anastasia could take care of Fia after she had lost her memory, and could even bathe her, enjoying her master’s scent on her personal clothes at any time.

The more she thought about it, the more annoyed she became, yet there was nothing she could do. She could only watch as Fia and Anastasia went to the bath together. She was the Captain of the Imperial Guard, not a maid like Anastasia. If she did something like helping Fia bathe, it would easily attract criticism.

However, the first to speak was not her, but Anastasia. The latter’s azure pupils visibly widened as she looked at Erin Slate’s chest in surprise.

“Lady Erin Slate, why did you change your clothes?”

“Uh.”

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Damn.

The fire of jealousy in her heart receded like a tide. Erin Slate quickly screamed “oh no” in her mind.

The shock of her master losing her memory was so great that she had forgotten she had changed her clothes.

Should she use the excuse that “the sparring was too intense, and my original clothes were damaged”? But that was too far-fetched. Anastasia would surely be suspicious.

She tried to make her expression as natural as possible and, in her capacity as the Captain of the Guard, answered with a smile.

“Captain Anastasia must have remembered incorrectly. I have been wearing this dress all along.”

Fia, at her side, quickly chimed in.

“Erin Slate has been wearing this dress the whole time. You must have seen wrong, Anastasia, right?”

“Seen wrong?” A look of suspicion appeared on Anastasia’s face, but it quickly dissipated. Erin Slate was a friend who had helped her in the past; she would not deceive her. She answered shyly, “I am no longer a captain, Lady Erin Slate.”

“Ah… I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. To be able to continue to be by Your Highness’s side like this, I am already very satisfied.”

If this were a manga, an anger mark would surely appear on the smiling Erin Slate’s head. She knew Anastasia had no intention of showing off, but her innocent, wry smile only made Erin clench her fists and grit her teeth in anger.

She suppressed the feelings in her chest and, with the elegance befitting a noble, gave Anastasia a light wave of her hand.

“You should thank Her Highness properly. Then I won’t disturb you any longer. You don’t need to see me out, Anastasia. Your Highness Dofilia, I will see you at the morning meeting tomorrow.”

“Please take care, Lady Erin Slate.”

Watching Erin Slate’s figure gradually recede into the distance, Anastasia looked at the seemingly relieved Fia. Holding a bath towel, she asked with a hint of anticipation and a touch of caution.

“Does Your Highness want Colita to help, or me? Of course, we can also serve you together as usual.”

“Serve? What kind of service?”

Faced with Fia’s confusion, Anastasia blinked, then she understood. She hadn’t yet told Fia that nobles needed maids to serve them when they bathed. She said directly.

“I mean, to wash the dirt from your body.”

“Huh?!”

Fia, upon hearing the answer, was as if struck by lightning, her whole body stiffening.