Volume 6, Chapter 9 – The Fire Cat Drowning Her Sorrows

The magnificent dining hall, with its large glass curtain walls and white vaulted ceiling, was silent. Just a few hours ago, this place had been filled with a lively atmosphere. People had raised their glasses in celebration, elegant string music had floated through the room, and the aroma of roasted animal fat and fine wine had overflowed on the taste buds.

But now, it was deserted. Only a few maids were cleaning up the dining tables and dishes. Even the magic chandeliers on the vaulted ceiling were only lit by two or three, the weak light insufficient to illuminate the entire dining hall. It seemed devoid of human presence, giving off the atmosphere of a lonely bar late at night.

At this moment, a young girl with long, fiery-red hair and cat ears, wearing a pure white formal gown, was sitting by the long dining table. Like someone drunk, she gently swirled the wine glass in her hand, holding the pink liquid up to the crystal chandelier overhead. Although her eyes were fixed on her reflection in the wine, her gaze seemed to transcend reality, traveling to a place far away.

“Nola, you’ve had too much.”

A mature maid who was clearing away white porcelain plates admonished her. Although Nola was a maid just like her, and even a junior newcomer, since Fia had given Nola the day off, the maids could tell that Nola was different. After all, just being a beastman introduced by Yulisha was enough to attract attention, not to mention she seemed to know Fia. Even if the maids didn’t understand the story behind it, they knew they couldn’t truly treat Nola as one of their own.

“It’s fine. I’ll go back by myself.”

Answering listlessly, Nola tilted her head back and downed the liquid in the glass in one gulp. However, the mature maid didn’t walk away. Instead, she frowned and walked up to Nola.

“Your face is already red from drinking, yet you continue. Anyone can tell you’re in a bad mood. What happened?”

“It has nothing to do with you. Leave me alone.”

Pouring herself another full glass under the dim light, Nola tilted her head back. As her throat worked, she downed the wine again. However, her movements were full of drunkenness, and even her eyes were becoming glazed.

“If you keep drinking like this, you won’t be able to get up tomorrow morning.”

“Talia, focus on your own work.”

Abruptly, Colita’s flat voice sounded from the dining hall entrance. The maids present immediately sped up their work, no longer glancing at Nola, intentionally or unintentionally. Colita, dressed in a short maid’s skirt, walked slowly toward the flustered Nola.

Seeing Nola intending to stand up and greet her, Colita relaxed her stern face, sighed helplessly, and sat down next to Nola.

“No need to bow to me. The day isn’t over yet. Your current status is that of a guest.”

“But…”

Nola, her cheeks flushed red from intoxication, opened her mouth, but Colita reached out a hand before she could finish, signaling Nola to be quiet.

“No ‘buts.’ Carrying out the master’s orders is a basic rule for a maid. Since Her Highness gave you a day off, you should enjoy it properly. Even facing me, you don’t need to stand and bow.” Colita paused, her gaze sweeping over the empty glass on the table. “May I sit here?”

“Of course… no problem…”

Clearly unaccustomed to interacting with a strict superior, Nola stammered even in her drunken state as she pushed an empty glass toward Colita, intending to pick up the bottle and pour wine for her.

“I’ll pour it myself.”

Colita shook her head gently and, with a bitter smile, took out her own private collection from a storage item.

“The wines laid out in the dining hall are all sweet fruit wines that Her Highness likes. The alcohol content isn’t high enough to really enjoy getting drunk. Use this.”

“How can I use your private collection…”

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Nola’s gaze lingered on the bottle in Colita’s hand for a moment. Even though she wasn’t in the habit of drinking, she could tell from the packaging that this was a very high-grade variety. Also, perhaps it was her illusion, but she seemed to see a trace of fellow feeling in Colita’s ice-blue eyes—a mix of melancholy and wistfulness, an emotion of unspeakable bitterness accumulated in the chest.

In response, Colita uncorked the bottle and filled glasses for both herself and Nola.

“Don’t worry about it so much. It’s on me.”

Saying this, Colita downed the pale blue, frothy liquor in one gulp.

With her superior going this far, Nola naturally couldn’t say anything more. She mimicked Colita’s action and drank the blue liquid. Just as Colita had said, the wine she brought was much stronger than the ones on the dining hall shelves. A fiery, choking sensation assaulted her entire mouth and throat, stimulating her so much she almost coughed. Her whole face felt as if it were being roasted by fire, a scalding heat rushing up.

But this was exactly what she needed right now. The drunkenness rushing to her brain made her forget her bitterness. The strong liquor was like fire, fiercely burning away the unhappiness in her heart.

“Cough, cough…”

“Not used to drinking? I heard beastmen can hold their liquor well. If you’re not used to it, it’s fine to go back to the fruit wine here.”

“No, I want this.”

As she spoke, Nola picked up Colita’s collection and filled her own glass, then downed it fiercely.

Colita couldn’t help but purse her lips in a smile. She propped her head on her right hand, looking sideways at Nola, whose eyes were lowered.

“You were fine this morning, but now look at you. You’re no different from those drunks on the roadside drowning their sorrows. Thinking about your identity and what happened during the day… Are you lovesick?”

“Wha—!”

Before Nola, whose eyes had gone wide, could argue, Colita first waved her hand at the nearby maids, signaling them to withdraw, and then sighed heavily.

“No need to be surprised. Not only do I know your identity, I also know your history. When Her Highness told Queen Yulisha about her experiences in Cold Night the other day, I was right there. Naturally, I heard the story of Nola, the Holy Son of the Fire Cat Tribe. Now that you’ve been brought here by Queen Yulisha, are also a Fire Cat Tribe member, and are called Nola, it would be too stupid not to guess your identity. Relax. I won’t tell anyone who you are, nor will I treat you differently just because you’re the Holy Son. I only obey the master’s orders.”

“Ugh.”

Seeing Nola calm down, Colita played with her golden hair, thoughtful.

“It’s not that I can’t understand your feelings. Seeing the person you like with someone else… anyone would feel bad in their heart—”

“I don’t!”

The numbness brought by the strong liquor made Nola momentarily forget the difference in rank. She refuted Colita with slurred, drunkard-like speech.

Colita didn’t get angry; instead, she let out a scoffing laugh.

“Isn’t this reaction obvious proof that you do?”

“You don’t understand at all!” Nola raised her eyebrows, her angry voice echoing in the empty dining hall. “Claire is just the older sister who adopted me…”

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“ Just the older sister who adopted you?”

Faced with Colita’s follow-up, Nola fell silent. She felt that if she admitted it here, she would lose something. So she started drinking in sullen silence again, feeling the burning sensation of the fire pouring down her throat and into her stomach.

After a long time, when the heavy intoxication rushed to her brain, dulling every nerve, she finally lowered her heavy head, annoyed as if confessing a sin.

“It’s all my fault… If I hadn’t insisted on leaving alone back then, or hadn’t made that promise with Claire, maybe it wouldn’t be like this…”

Doesn’t that still mean you like Claire?

This silly cat hasn’t even realized she actually likes Claire. She’s just endlessly troubling herself.

How pitiful.

Colita cast a pitying glance at Nola, who was holding her forehead.

It must be said, she hadn’t come today to laugh at Nola. Just as Nola was currently depressed over Claire’s engagement, she was also melancholic because her master had been beaten to the punch. She had worked under Fia for several years and had always secretly loved Fia. In the end, her master was snatched away by someone whose name she had never even heard of. Anyone would feel unwilling to accept this.

However, she also knew that a relationship between her and Fia was impossible. One was a servant, the other a future queen. She herself was plagued by Darkborn sickness, and the high-ranking elf nobles strongly opposed same-sex marriage. Therefore, there was an insurmountable chasm between them from birth.

Out of this feeling, she, like Anastasia, usually felt that just being able to work for Fia and watching Fia marry and have children from a distance was satisfying enough. She could even continue to serve Fia’s descendants, treating them as her own daughters and personally taking care of them as they grew up little by little. But now, seeing her master appearing in public hand-in-hand with another woman—and knowing this woman was the future queen consort—her heart inevitably felt clogged. The pent-up bitterness she had nowhere to vent drove her to take a walk in the garden, where she then saw Nola drinking alone in sorrow.

“Those in the same boat,” or something like that.

Although she had the option of drinking with Erin Slate, Colita didn’t want to be with that woman who would mock her afterward. In comparison, Nola was a more suitable person to confide in, even if she didn’t actually plan to say anything.

For the sake of our shared misery, I might as well help her poke through that last layer of paper.

She lowered her head and gently swirled the glass in her hand, pretending to speak casually.

“Since you don’t harbor romantic feelings for Miss Claire, why are you sitting here drinking alone in sorrow? A simple sisterly relationship wouldn’t warrant this just because the older sister got engaged.”

“You’re so noisy.”

“Just some advice. If you want something, you have to fight for it yourself. If you don’t speak your feelings properly, the other person will never know how you feel. This isn’t just for you…”

It’s the same for me.

Colita pursed her lips.

She took another sip of wine, then frowned slightly—the alcohol content was too high even for her. She really didn’t know how Nola dared to down so much in one go.

“Forget it. I was just passing by and stopped to take a look. If you don’t want to talk, my staying here will only add to your troubles.”

Colita stood up and patted Nola’s shoulder encouragingly.

“Don’t drink too much. Drunkenness makes people lose their reason. Besides, there’s work to do tomorrow. Don’t expect me to go easy on you just because of your identity. If you delay Her Highness’s schedule, I’ll make you stand in punishment with a bucket of water on your head for the whole day.”

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“…”

Without giving Colita a clear verbal answer, Nola merely made a vague sound in her throat. She had already drunk a lot, not to mention the liquor Colita had given her was frightfully strong. Having never touched alcohol before, she was already so drunk she couldn’t see straight, and her thoughts were a muddled mess.

As Colita left, the maids waiting outside the dining hall re-entered to clean up the mess inside. Nola, meanwhile, held her head in her hands, her fingers digging deep into her messy red hair as she tensed her body.

Colita’s words had reminded her, forcing her to think about something she had never seriously considered before: what exactly were her feelings for Claire?

The Nola of the past hadn’t thought deeply about this. First, she only vaguely remembered Claire as a person, having forgotten the details completely under the forgetting curse. Second, she hadn’t realized that the feelings she held for Claire were extremely complex. She only knew she felt incredibly happy when she was with Claire, living a fulfilling life, as if Claire belonged to her alone.

Precisely because she felt Claire was her sole possession, when Fia appeared in front of her with Claire, she had been furious at Fia. With her beastman mindset, she saw Claire as her property. Fia snatching away her possession naturally made her angry.

Even when Claire explicitly stated that she and Fia were truly in love, Nola only felt that Claire might have been deceived by Fia. After all, their statuses were worlds apart, and Claire wasn’t an elf; they were destined not to have a good outcome with Fia. Her attention was entirely focused on this, only thinking of quickly rescuing Claire, completely failing to notice what kind of feelings she held for Claire.

Then, she gradually discovered things weren’t as she had imagined. Fia wasn’t bad, and she was treating Claire seriously. This gave rise to a sense of competition in her. She wanted to snatch Claire back from Fia’s side, to make Claire pay more attention to her, to focus more on this fire cat she had once saved. She wanted their relationship to return to how it was in the past.

Even until just now, she hadn’t realized she held feelings for Claire that were both familial and romantic. She just intuitively felt that Fia’s existence was an obstacle between her and Claire.

As for sitting here drowning her sorrows, it was simply because she felt unhappy and bitter about seeing Fia and Claire’s engagement this morning. She hadn’t realized the true nature of this bitterness wasn’t because Claire wasn’t paying attention to her, but because she actually harbored romantic love for Claire. Even though beastmen discriminated against and mocked homosexual relationships, in the process of being taught and cared for by Claire in the past, she had quietly developed an intimacy and affection for Claire. Calling it a secret crush wouldn’t be an exaggeration.

If not for Colita’s guiding words just now, she, being dull and clumsy, might have needed quite some time to realize what exactly she was distressed about. Why she didn’t get along with Fia, and why she had run here alone to drink excessively like someone heartbroken over Claire, her “older sister,” getting engaged to Fia.

That’s right… If I didn’t like Claire, I wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t have been furious and yelled at Colita’s well-intentioned reminder. My current self is just like an injured wild dog, barking wildly to forbid others from approaching. It’s precisely because I’m injured and very weak that I act fierce, warning those around me that I’m dangerous, but in reality, I’m just tough on the outside and brittle on the inside.

—I like Claire. Not as a family member, but as a lover. She finally realized the true nature of this feeling.

All along, familial love had covered up a deeper emotion, preventing her from noticing her true heart. However, the subconscious hidden beneath the iceberg wouldn’t deceive itself. That was why, when she saw Claire get engaged to Fia, she felt dejected and heartbroken, feeling like a piece of her heart was missing, unable to calm down.

I must go find Claire right now.

Thinking this, Nola placed her right hand, which had been covering her head, on the table, trying to support her body to stand up. But before she could exert any force, the strength in her arm gradually vanished.

It’s too late now.

Claire is already engaged to Fia. Going to find Claire now would only add to her troubles. It was I who broke the promise first, forgetting Claire, arrogantly thinking I could defeat the forgetting curse with will alone, and finally losing so thoroughly.

If I hadn’t been so conceited back then, or if I had asked Claire to go to Cold Night with me, I wouldn’t have forgotten her. Maybe the feelings I hadn’t noticed would have surfaced during our long time together, and then I could have poured my heart out to Claire.

It’s my own fault that Claire left me. I had the chance back then, but I didn’t grasp it properly. Losing to Fia is just me spinning a cocoon around myself.

Feelings of grief spread through her chest. But in just an instant, she suddenly thought of what Colita had said before leaving: “If you want something, you have to fight for it yourself. If you don’t speak your feelings properly, the other person will never know how you feel.” Claire and Fia were only engaged now, which meant she wasn’t completely out of chances.

Although it was unfair to Fia, there was nothing wrong with being a little despicable when it came to love. Besides, she wasn’t going to use dirty methods; she was going to use her charm and sincerity to win Claire back fair and square.

As long as I seriously tell Claire my feelings, maybe she will consider me. Even taking a step back, if Claire accepted both me and Fia, allowing me to share this love with Fia, I could completely accept that—no, even if it’s a little less than what Fia gets, it doesn’t matter. After all, I have a bad record of breaking faith…

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The more she thought this way, the more the bitterness in Nola’s heart melted away like ice meeting the sun, replaced by nervousness, excitement, and intense desire.

Although there was a possibility of completely losing after confessing, having tried and never having taken a step forward were two different things. The latter would bring deep regret in the future. Even if one could say, “I just didn’t try back then, it doesn’t mean I lost,” it would only be self-deceiving comfort. Unrequited love is painful. Colita’s advice was exactly what she needed. If she didn’t speak her feelings properly, Claire would never know she loved her. Even if there was only a one in ten thousand chance, she had to try.

Ah, that’s it.

Courage swelled in her chest, and Nola’s face became scorching hot from her heightened emotions.

Right now, immediately, the sooner the better. I must explain my feelings to Claire.

Energy filled her entire body. Nola stood up instantly with considerable momentum, startling the senior maids around her who wanted to come up and show concern but didn’t know what to do.

However, she had barely stood up when intense dizziness rushed to her brain, followed by a churning stomach and trembling, weak legs. Under the combined effect of these three negative conditions, she immediately covered her mouth and slumped back down.

“Ugh—!”

“Nola, are you alright?!”

The maids in the dining hall gathered around with concern on their faces.

Intense nausea and the urge to vomit made Nola afraid to open her mouth to answer. She felt she wasn’t drunk, but the faces of the maids in front of her were blurry and distorted, blending into one another, seeming to spin like stars.

I seem to have drunk too much…

No, this can’t stop me from acting.

Nola took a deep breath, then stood up unsteadily. She gently pushed away the surrounding maids, forcefully suppressing the nausea, her tongue disobeying her as she spoke slurred, indistinct words.

“N… no need to worry about me…”

“You’re already drunk!”

“Better go back and sleep first.”

“Where are you going?”

Ignoring the maids’ attempts to detain her, Nola supported herself against the wall with both hands. She stumbled along, moving her legs that felt light and uncontrolled by her brain, while answering with high spirits full of anticipation and joy.

“I’m not drunk~ I’m not drunk~~~ I’m going to find Clai… hic … Clai-ya… Bathhouse… right, bathhouse… Wait for my good news… good news…”

Leaving the voices of her senior maids behind, Nola, her face flushed crimson, swayed and shuffled her steps toward the bathhouse.