Volume 7, Chapter 8 – A Night of Indecision

The head-to-toe examination lasted a full fifteen minutes before it finally concluded. Because Fia’s inspection was so thorough, she hadn’t even overlooked certain embarrassing areas—such as the armpits, the inner thighs, and the soles of the feet. By the end of the session, the freshly bathed Anastasia was so drenched in sweat from shame that her bath had been entirely in vain.

My entire body was seen…

Even though Fia was her most respected Princess, Anastasia felt as if she could no longer show her face to anyone; even lifting her head was a struggle.

Had Fia not been right beside her, Anastasia would have already let out a shameful groan like Nola’s. This was the kind of incident that would keep her awake all night after returning to her room, causing her embarrassment until dawn.

“Mm, the examination is finished.”

Fia, whose cheeks were also slightly flushed, took two steps back. Although she had deliberately used the dim candlelight to reduce their mutual awkwardness, she had inevitably seen every inch of Anastasia’s body. This had caused her body temperature to rise and her mind to wander. Especially the delicate sensation felt when her fingertips grazed that soft skin—if she didn’t focus with all her might, her brain would quickly descend into wild fantasies.

Sometimes, Fia couldn’t even help but think that perhaps she should simply take this opportunity to accept the views of the World Tree Continent. That way, she could accept Anastasia as her own, preventing her from falling into the hands of anyone else in the future.

That’s right, Anastasia is mine. I can’t give her to anyone else!

However, she only thought about it. Delusions didn’t violate the law, not even in the Shining Era.

Fia pointedly avoided looking at Anastasia, using the act of tidying up her books to hide her blush.

“Anastasia, you can put your clothes back on now.”

“Does Your Highness have any looser clothes? I’d like to wear something like that back.”

“Back? You mean back to your room?”

Because Anastasia was dressing with her head lowered, Fia couldn’t see her expression under the candlelight.

Anastasia nodded gently.

“Mm.”

“Uh… actually, it doesn’t matter if Anastasia stays the night here. Or rather, that’s what I intended when I asked you to come to my room today.”

Stay the night here?

Does she mean… sleeping with Her Highness?

As if attracted by a black hole, Anastasia’s gaze uncontrollably drifted toward Fia’s bed. The room Baron Yuraidon had prepared for the Eldest Princess was quite luxurious. Although the bed wasn’t as large as Fia’s own, it could still easily accommodate four people. Under the glow of the dim candlelight, the white sheets exuded a cozy atmosphere.

No—the farce of overthinkingly wearing a seductive nightgown to Dofi’s room had just happened. Anastasia, you cannot trip in the same place twice. Dofi surely doesn’t mean the “good thing” of sharing a bed and pillow.

To avoid becoming a laughingstock, Anastasia replied with a serious expression.

“Understood. I shall take responsibility for Your Highness’s safety.”

“Safety? What is Anastasia talking about?”

“This is Baron Yuraidon’s territory, after all. No one can be certain that the Baron isn’t a partisan of that rebel, Prince Schain. He might act against you while you sleep. It is only natural for your subordinate to guard your safety throughout the night.”

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Though that was a valid point—Anastasia, aren’t you being a bit too unromantic?

Fia placed a hand on her hip, feigning helplessness as she tidied her ancient texts.

“I didn’t ask you to protect my safety. Besides, doesn’t Anastasia have a constitution that makes her wake up the moment anything stirs? I’m not worried about safety at all. My meaning was… for Anastasia to stay with me and sleep in the bed.”

“Even if our relationship isn’t recognized by others—including my father—blood relations don’t cease to exist just because an outsider denies them. We are half-sisters. Thinking back to the previous Eldest Princess’s personality, she wouldn’t have asked Anastasia to sleep together, right? Isn’t it too strange for us to be sisters yet never have shared a bed?”

“Your Highness, are you serious?”

Because Fia’s words were far too explosive—especially since her expression was as natural as breathing—Anastasia couldn’t help but wonder if she had misheard.

Fia acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“Of course. If I were a bit younger, like Liti or Milu’s age, I’d surely be dragging Anastasia to sleep with me every single day.”

“His Majesty would view me as a thorn in his side…”

Muttering this, the Anastasia who had received a firm answer finally snapped out of it. She understood that Fia didn’t mean “sleeping together” in the ambiguous sense she had imagined, but rather out of pure familial affection. The reason was simple: she had never experienced it and wanted to try it once.

Perhaps there was also a reason of wanting to make her feel less restrained.

Even Anastasia could feel that Fia had been working hard all this time to eliminate the barrier between them—calling it a “barrier” wasn’t quite right; it was more like a “sense of distance.” Dofi wanted her to set aside her self-awareness as a servant and become more like Liti, interacting more naturally as Dofi’s older sister.

Even though she didn’t have to go to such lengths—since Anastasia had already decided to follow Dofi for her entire life—no, it would be ungrateful to say that. Dofi was working hard to eliminate the distance for her sake; she should cooperate properly and not let down her expectations.

Perhaps it was this silent, pervasive gentleness and sincerity that made it impossible for her to choose between the past Dofi and the current Dofi. Although they were the same person in her eyes, if she were forced to separate them, she truly wouldn’t know which to choose. These were two different directions of charm—one made people instinctively hold absolute loyalty, while the other was dreamlike and soul-stirring, making her feel happy just by looking at her.

If she truly viewed Dofi as a younger sister, it was almost as if she had gained two sisters at once.

“Anastasia, hurry up.”

Fia urged her. She had already crawled under the covers and was patting the empty space beside her. A pillow had already been set out for Anastasia there, and the half-lifted duvet was like a welcoming hand extended toward her. Coupled with Fia’s expectant expression, Anastasia’s mouth felt as if it were glued shut, unable to utter a single “no.”

She had to pour all the strength in her body into her mouth before she finally managed to lift her lips. Her lovely voice was filled with hesitation.

“Miss Claire might misunderstand…”

“I already told you we’re sisters. Claire won’t think of it so poorly. Aside from the times on the journey when we were forced to sleep in the carriage, this is our first time sleeping together, isn’t it? If you linger any longer, it’ll be dawn soon. We have to continue our journey tomorrow.”

“Oka—”

Before she could finish the word “okay,” Anastasia suddenly remembered something extremely important. She realized that her light green nightgown had been dampened by the sweat from her earlier tension and shame. If she crawled into Fia’s bed like this, there would surely be an embarrassing scent when they woke up the next day. Although Fia wouldn’t mock her, she cared about it immensely. Her cheeks turned red with a poof .

“I—I’m going to take a bath! I’ll be right back!”

“Didn’t Anastasia just wash? I don’t mind you washing again, but don’t use it as an excuse to slip back to your room and fall asleep on your own, or else I’ll be angry.”

“Your subordinate promises not to disappoint you..”

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“It’s not ‘your subordinate,’ it’s ‘I.’ Weren’t you just using informal speech? Ah, right. I forgot to tell Anastasia the result of the examination.”

Seeming heavy-hearted, Fia, who was sitting on the bed, glanced to the side. She twirled a strand of her black hair around her finger. Although her pale pink nightgown had a very “princess” feel to it, on the current Fia, it gave off the vibe of a princess imprisoned in a cage, making one feel inexplicably worried.

Her heart tightening, Anastasia subconsciously asked.

“Is there something wrong with my body?”

Fia still didn’t look at Anastasia. She gazed out the window, which was shrouded in moonlight.

“I didn’t find any problems. But it’s precisely because I didn’t find any that I’m exceptionally worried. When I first arrived on the World Tree Continent, I told Anastasia that I have memories in my head that don’t belong to this world. I am an external soul.”

“You did say that. At the time, your subordinate believed that after the Unsinkable Moon struck you, your soul became tainted by wandering spirits of the world, mixing the two memories and making you unable to distinguish yourself. But looking at it now, your subordinate believes that guess was utterly absurd. You are you; the extra memories are simply memories and have nothing to do with the soul.”

Anastasia really does still believe that I am the previous Eldest Princess.

I should just get straight to the point.

Fia looked directly into Anastasia’s azure eyes. The solemnity in her gaze caused Anastasia’s heart to sink. In that instant, she felt as if Fia were about to leave her, to the point where her body instinctively leaned forward—the moment Fia left, she would immediately pounce to hold her back.

“Earlier in the Weeping Mountains, I met an Eighth Rank undead. He came from another world and was the Holy Son chosen by the Corona God. He told me a secret: souls from other worlds disrupt the Order that maintains the World Tree Continent. Even if they do nothing and simply stay there, the people around them will be affected by the disruption of Order. This morning, Anastasia not only briefly lost consciousness but also forgot what we had said before. This might be due to Anastasia being affected by me.”

“Your Highness, what are you saying? I don’t understand.”

Anastasia wore a wry smile.

Fia continued to explain seriously.

“What I mean is, if external existences like me and Claire continue to stay by Anastasia’s side, it might lead to even more unpredictable consequences. If Anastasia loses consciousness like she did today again, I will temporarily leave Anastasia and Liti’s side with Claire, and return only once the Order around Anastasia has returned to normal. I don’t know how long we’d have to be apart to allow the disrupted Order to recover, but as long as there’s a possibility, it’s worth trying. I cannot gamble with your lives.”

“You’re going to leave us? To go where?!”

Anastasia’s voice suddenly spiked. Her brow furrowed as she took a step forward. Fia smiled to comfort her.

“I won’t leave without a word. I’ll stay in a place you know about; Anastasia doesn’t need to worry. Besides, this is just a hypothesis. If we practice it for a while and find that it isn’t a problem with me and Claire, we’ll find another way. After all, we still have a last resort. Though it’s a bit violent, it’s for Anastasia’s sake.”

“A last resort?”

“Hehe, that’s a secret. Anastasia has to believe in me.” ¹ are you going to claim the order from those gods? =v=)

Fia’s mouth curved into a confident ω-shape, and her eyes were closed as she spoke with total self-assurance. The atmosphere of omnipotence even infected the worried Anastasia, whose tense expression softened as she bowed her head deeply.

“I have always believed in Your Highness…”

“As long as you believe in me, that’s enough. Go take your bath, Anastasia. I’ll wait for you here.”

“Yes.”

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“Don’t slip back to your room and make me wait all night in vain, okay?”

“I will not go back on my word.”

“That’s good then.”

Their gazes met, and Anastasia returned a reassuring smile before slowly backing out of the bedroom.

◇

By the time Anastasia had thoroughly washed herself and returned to the room, Fia had already fallen asleep on the bed.

Perhaps exhausted from waiting, Fia—in her pale pink nightgown—hadn’t covered herself properly with the duvet. She lay slumped against the headboard; had it not been for the steady rise and fall of her lovely chest, Anastasia would have feared Fia had been assassinated.

She closed the door and tiptoed to the bedside. She blew out the candle, which was nearly spent, and the bedroom plunged into darkness, with only the moon outside providing a sliver of light. The silver moon outlined Fia’s delicate profile, making it seem as if her skin itself was glowing with a sacred, inviolable radiance. Anastasia preferred to call this light “divinity”—for Fia was the god in her heart.

She said she’d wait for me, yet she fell asleep…

No, this was her own fault for insisting on bathing for so long, making Dofi wait until she drifted off.

That said, being able to see Dofi’s tranquil sleeping face was a stroke of absolute luck. Anastasia couldn’t help but regret not bringing a recording crystal, then immediately began to agonize over it; surreptitiously filming Dofi without her permission would be shameless and lewd. Even though Fia trusted her as a sister, she was thinking of betraying that trust.

I’ll just record it in my mind. Remembering it isn’t shameless.

The burden in her heart vanished in the blink of an eye. Anastasia kicked off her shoes and quietly crawled onto the bed. She hesitated for a moment before finally taking off her nightgown, folding it, and placing it on the nightstand. She belonged to the sect that didn’t wear nightgowns to sleep; usually, she wouldn’t even wear a bra, as it made her feel stifled.

“I can’t let her sleep like this…”

Like a maid tending to a lady, or perhaps like a real sister, Anastasia supported the back of Fia’s head with one hand and her back with the other. Using a half-embracing posture, she gently laid Fia flat. However, at the moment she should have let go, Anastasia remained still. She maintained her hold on Fia’s upper body, staring blankly at her face.

She was utterly captivated by the sleeping Fia.

The smooth, snowy-white collarbone and neck, the defenseless and perfectly relaxed sleeping face, the rosy, dainty lips and pert nose, and the slightly trembling, long eyelashes—everything firmly held Anastasia’s gaze. The girl before her seemed like a daughter meticulously crafted by the gods. She felt she could watch her like this all night without ever growing bored. The orchid-like fragrance unique to Fia made her mind go hazy, as if she were intoxicated by a dream.

Anastasia didn’t realize at all that her face, looking down from above, was inching closer and closer to Fia. Before long, their foreheads would be nearly touching and their noses would be brushing. She was like a poor soul bewitched by Cupid, unable even to perceive what she was doing, her eyes and her very heart capable of noticing only Fia.

She heard Fia’s heartbeat, and even the sound of blood flowing peacefully through her body; in her ears, this sound was like a flood surging through a river, making her heart swell with emotion. She wanted to hear it more clearly, wishing she could press her ear to Fia’s chest. Then, she felt the sensation of warm breath brushing against her face, and her gaze was drawn once more to Fia’s rosy lips, which reflected glints of silver. She stared at Fia’s lips without blinking, as if they were the only treasure in the world—something that would slip away if she lost focus for even a second.

Her heart hammered in her chest, and hot blood pulsed through her veins. Her nerve cells felt as if they were boiling, making it impossible for her to think. As she looked at the sleeping Fia, a strange thought suddenly surged into her mind.

Maybe this is an opportunity…

To just kiss Fia like this—not on the cheek, but on those flawless lips, pure as a blank sheet of paper. Fia wouldn’t find her out.

Possessed by the idea, she swallowed hard and closed her eyes in trepidation. Her lips moved inch by inch toward Fia. The sound of breathing, which she usually couldn’t even feel, was now as conspicuous as a waterfall plunging into a valley. She hated herself for not being quieter so she wouldn’t startle Fia awake. Just as her lashes intertwined with Fia’s long ones, Fia, feeling a tickle, frowned noticeably.

“Mm…”

Ah!

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Though it was only a small movement, Anastasia snapped back to reality, her eyes flying wide. She realized what she was doing and felt a surge of loathing for her own shameless behavior. Yet, she was afraid of waking Fia and didn’t dare pull her hand back to slap herself. She sat up straight, panting heavily like someone who had nearly drowned.

Anastasia, Anastasia, what on earth are you doing?

She began to question herself, her hands slowly pulling away from Fia’s soft, boneless back to instead clutch her forehead. The throbbing vessels in her brain gave her a splitting headache, yet she knew this pain didn’t come from physiology, but from her heart. Shame, disgrace, remorse, fear, and even a sliver of regret—all sorts of emotions swirled around her, making it impossible for her to face herself.

Finally, as if giving up, she leaned back against the headboard and stared up at the ceiling. Several minutes passed in a silence so deep there wasn’t even the sound of crickets before Anastasia finally calmed down. She bit her lip hard, her expression full of agony.

I was bewitched by a demon, almost committing an evil act that would leave me unable to ever face Fia again.

Goddess, why have you allowed me to harbor such feelings?

Is this the price for being rescued from the Land of Exile back then?

Anastasia wouldn’t go so far as to say that her current state was worse than dying back then. The scenes of the Land of Exile she had seen today were still fresh in her mind; that place hadn’t changed at all. She thought of Grand Duke Herr’s family who were to be hanged. Though the Grand Duke was composed, his family members had wept and wailed, cursing Fia for doing nothing and cursing Erin Slate as an ungrateful dog. Had she not been rescued by Dofi, she probably would have been just like them—hating everything before her death and then dying miserably, tossed into a cremation pit like a tattered sack.

By comparison, she was incredibly lucky, even able to stay by the side of such a dreamlike, soul-stirring person now. All the fault lay within herself for harboring feelings that wouldn’t be fulfilled, and then wallowing in self-pity.

I brought this upon myself.

Her burning body gradually cooled. Anastasia looked again at the peacefully sleeping Fia. Perhaps her earlier actions had made Fia uncomfortable, for Fia’s brow was slightly furrowed. This made Anastasia’s heart ache. During her bath, she hadn’t just been washing; she had been savoring Fia’s words from earlier. She didn’t remember anything abnormal about herself, yet for that very reason, Fia’s words felt very persuasive.

Although Fia promised that after separating, she would stay in a place she knew about, Anastasia found it hard to accept such a result in her heart. Heaven knew how long they would be apart. And could she even recover? If they had to be apart for a hundred or two hundred years, she would rather just stay by Dofi’s side all along. That way, even if she died, she would have left her youth to Dofi. She couldn’t endure such loneliness; she had to be able to watch Dofi from afar to feel at ease.

But if she really had to say it, the fault lay with her. If she had been able to properly protect Dofi back then—intercepting that strike the moment the Unsinkable Moon rose—things might not have turned out like this. Dofi wouldn’t have to suspect that she was the cause of the abnormality. Even if the consequence of intercepting that strike was death, it wouldn’t be like today where regrets might be left behind; at least she would know in her heart that Dofi would remember her. Such a thought was selfish, but compared to separation, she could accept this outcome much more easily.

After a long silence, Anastasia let out a long breath. She slipped into the covers with a rustle and turned her head, staring blankly at Fia’s tranquil profile.

If only I could say my feelings of love out loud, how wonderful that would be.

She reached out and lightly pinched Fia’s pointed elven ear. Recalling Nola’s confession from earlier, Anastasia’s dry lips trembled as she tried her best to voice her feelings. After a long while, she spoke with as much difficulty as a child learning to talk.

“Dofi, I… I like…”

Abruptly, Anastasia’s voice cut off. She swallowed hard, forcing the words back down her throat.

I cannot do this.

I should just sleep. Sleep.

As if to separate herself from the person she was just a moment ago, Anastasia decisively withdrew her hand. She closed her eyes and lay flat, no longer looking at Fia’s face.

Goodnight, Dofi.

Offering a bitter yet sincere prayer in her heart, Anastasia forced herself to calm down. With deep breaths, her consciousness gradually sank into the bottomless sea of her mind.