Volume 7, Chapter 40 – Accepted Feelings

“Huh?”

Had Anastasia’s brain short-circuited?

Gazing at Anastasia’s earnest face, Fia wore the expression of someone looking at a fool. She took a small step backward to avoid her cheek pressing against something it shouldn’t.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Anastasia, but that kind of action exceeds the boundaries of investigating magic. The only person allowed to touch your chest is your future husband; even I cannot cross that line.”

Though she said that, she was secretly thinking that if anyone wanted to marry Anastasia, they’d have to get through her first—they’d at least have to be stronger than she was.

Anastasia remained relentless.

“But I am a slave saved by you. A slave is the master’s property; the master can do whatever they wish. There is no such thing as ‘crossing the line.’”

“That would only apply if you were actually a slave, but you aren’t one anymore. Besides, even if you were, I don’t intend to do anything that violates my principles. Though I don’t think you need me to lecture you, I must emphasize: we are elves, not humans. Even as members of the same sex, being too intimate will cause those around us to misunderstand.”

“Then do you touch Lady Claire?”

“Why ask that?”

Anastasia hesitated for a moment, her right hand—the one wearing the ring—pressed against her chest.

“Your Highness seems to have been agonizing over the matter of the Holy Son. If you didn’t intend to make a change regarding the matter of your Royal Concubines, you wouldn’t be worrying like this, would you? In that case, I have a bold suggestion—no, before that, I have a question. Did your gift of the ring to the Anastasia of this world hold no other meaning?”

Anastasia had not forgotten what Fia had said in the Netherworld. Fia had expressed vaguely that leaping straight to the step of a Royal Concubine was too early and that they should take it step-by-step; she had even said that if it weren’t for Claire, she might have already fallen for her. This was practically stating her thoughts out loud; it wasn’t as if Anastasia had no chance.

In any case, her days in this world were numbered. If a suitable vessel couldn’t be made, only death awaited her. It was better to bet everything and take a chance. No, she shouldn’t call it a bet; it was more like if the opportunity was delivered to her doorstep and she didn’t cherish it, she would surely regret it for the rest of her life.

Even so, she had to confirm it once.

Anastasia’s heart was incredibly restless. She forced herself to maintain an expressionless mask as she waited for Fia’s reply.

“Do you want the truth or a lie, Anastasia?”

Not knowing how to answer, Fia turned away, pretending she didn’t care—though in reality, her heart was pounding wildly, and she felt exceptionally guilty. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with Anastasia; in fact, she could say Anastasia was exactly her type. When she had given the ring, she had been thinking that letting Anastasia become her second Royal Concubine wouldn’t be a bad idea.

“Well… let’s hear the lie first?”

“It held no special meaning.”

Fia spread her hands, feigning a relaxed manner.

The lie was that it held no meaning; the truth, of course, was the opposite. Anastasia finally couldn’t suppress her joy and hurriedly asked.

“And the truth?”

How greedy.

Fia wanted to say that, but just as Anastasia felt she had a chance, Fia’s subconscious was gradually leaning toward Anastasia.

It was like a man and woman without romantic experience who harbor feelings for each other walking together along a moonlit path; once the atmosphere is right, their hearts fill with eagerness. It was as if every cell in the body was cheering and shouting. Thoughts of what to say, what would be said, reason, complete logical ability—all rational things were tossed to the back of the mind. Only a flood of unreasonable emotion roared through the veins, thinking of getting closer, just a little closer, until words that could never normally be spoken were uttered. This was a behavior born of the heart, without conscious thought.

The current Fia was exactly like this. she could no longer care for her habit of thinking everything through first; her subconscious felt how she should answer, and so the words came out. Her cheeks flushed slightly as she whispered.

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“The truth is… it was an apology to Anastasia. The reason I gave you that ring was because I made a joke about ‘I think it would be fine if Anastasia became my second Royal Concubine,’ which made you happy for nothing.”

Happy for nothing?

Doesn’t that effectively mean she realized Anastasia’s feelings?

She hadn’t mentioned it before, not because she hadn’t noticed, but because she didn’t dare poke through that final layer of window paper. Once spoken, both sides would have to face this cruel problem. If Claire didn’t exist, given the current situation where she held feelings for Anastasia and Anastasia held feelings beyond master and servant for her, the two could have hit it off instantly. Yet that wasn’t the case. This wasn’t to say Claire’s presence was an eyesore, but rather that Fia’s concepts were incompatible with this world.

So the paper has been poked through…

Whether the words were spoken unintentionally or intentionally despite knowing the barrier shouldn’t be broken was a question. What was the psychology driving her to act like this? Even Fia herself, who had spoken the words, couldn’t tell which was which.

Simply like a fool whose head couldn’t turn.

Fia reflected on herself in her heart.

“A joke… that doesn’t sound like a joke, haha…” With her right hand on her chest, Anastasia gave a wry smile. “I asked some questions I shouldn’t have. So, do you plan to learn faith magic by touching Lady Claire?”

“You’re asking too much, Anastasia. How am I supposed to answer a question like that?”

“Though I come from another world, I can still be considered a personal maid who has served you since childhood. You needn’t be shy about this matter; I won’t criticize your private life.”

“No, it’s a secret,” Fia answered without a second thought. “Why did you suddenly ask about this, Anastasia?”

Anastasia hesitated for a moment.

“Well… I was thinking, since Your Highness wants to make a change regarding the matter of the Holy Son of Cold Night, you might as well… might as well try it first with someone close to you. Didn’t you say so yourself? Feelings should develop step-by-step. With one month’s time, just thinking about it surely won’t allow you to personally feel the changes brought by taking this step. Rather than agonizing over accepting the other person’s feelings, the bigger trouble is how you’ll feel after accepting them and what problems you’ll face, right?”

“Directly accepting the Holy Son of Cold Night might lead to a sense of debt on both sides if something unpleasant happens in the future. Instead of that, why not find a training partner first and experience what it feels like after accepting someone? Even if you feel it’s not a fit, it’ll be easy to end the relationship at any time. That way, once the one-month deadline arrives, you can decide ‘yes’ or ‘no’ more calmly.”

Fia’s heart beat a bit faster. She faintly guessed what Anastasia was going to say next, and because of that, her whole body tensed up—like a girl about to accept a confession once the atmosphere was right.

“It’s not the same… No matter who the person is, their personality won’t be the same as Nola’s.”

“But your heart’s desire to accept change won’t change. Once you take that step and gradually adapt to life after making a change, if you feel it’s not so bad, won’t you be able to accept the Holy Son named Nola?”

This was sophistry.

Fia answered in her heart, but her body acted as if it were out of control and asked the question on its own.

“Then who would be a good training partner?”

Anastasia fell silent instantly. Just as Fia felt her body was out of control, she also felt herself becoming unlike herself. It seemed her true personality was being suppressed within her, and her body was being controlled by her subconscious; she could only watch her body act and scream “Don’t say that!”, yet her subconscious continued on its own path.

She swallowed hard with difficulty and then asked cautiously.

“Would it be alright if I took on that role? I will keep it a secret and not tell anyone. Moreover, because it’s just a trial, even if you find you can’t accept the role of a second Royal Concubine in the end, you can just tell me directly and end the relationship. There won’t be any hard feelings.”

“What’s more important than anything is that if I am treated as a lo—lover by Your Highness, then physical contact would be unavoidable, right? That would also make it easier to pursue faith magic. You are studying faith magic to gain knowledge of [Sacred Relic Analysis], and studying [Sacred Relic Analysis] is to create a vessel for my soul. From that perspective, I am working hard for my own future.”

What am I saying…

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By the time she finished, Anastasia felt her cheeks scalding and her heart racing wildly; she could even hear the pounding in her ears. Along with it, her body temperature increased rapidly, and her limbs turned soft from trembling with tension. She looked no different from a girl who had just confessed.

What she intended to do had been clearly stated.

Even Fia, having been told this much, understood Anastasia’s thoughts. This was likely a case of saying “training partner” on the surface while being sincere underneath—the kind of thing that often happens in stories: starting by pretending to be a couple, then gradually developing feelings, and finally the fake act becoming real. The only difference between the story and her own situation was that she understood Anastasia’s heart.

How cunning.

Bold to the point of not being like Anastasia.

If it were the Anastasia of this world, she certainly wouldn’t have been able to say something like “pretending to be lovers.” Though both were Anastasia, there were differences; the outworlder Anastasia had lost Dofilia and thus understood more clearly the preciousness of the Dofilia before her. Her feelings were stronger and less bound by conventional logic.

Ultimately, things like emotions couldn’t be predicted with normal logic. Driven by emotion, a person could do all sorts of things that seemed bizarre to outsiders—the most typical being giving up everything they owned to pursue someone of a status mismatched to their own, or continuing to pursue someone even after the other person explicitly stated they didn’t like them, even giving up their dignity to do so.

But in this way, the dilemma she faced with Nola was back before her. Agreeing to Anastasia now would seem very disrespectful to Nola’s previous confession—both were confessions, so why was Anastasia okay while Nola wasn’t?

No, there were some differences here, weren’t there?

Nola was indeed very endearing, but she had known Anastasia longer. More importantly, she had developed an indescribable feeling for Anastasia, while she hadn’t for Nola.

But even so, something was still strange.

Sigh, why was she so smart? If she couldn’t understand Anastasia’s heart and didn’t know Anastasia was using the excuse of “practice” to get closer, she wouldn’t have any worries. She would have innocently agreed and then innocently played house with Anastasia, finally facing the fact that she had fallen in love with Anastasia with surprise and becoming lovers naturally. As long as one was a big enough idiot, they could toss their worries to the people around them.

Advancing in silence.

As the two walked further, the brightly lit exit of the alley came into view. The moonlight peeked over the top of the high wall, and the pitch-black alley was instantly bathed in silver light. Aside from the shouts of soldiers in the distance, there was no other sound.

Anastasia’s golden hair must be shining brilliantly under the moonlight.

Fia sighed inwardly; even though today wasn’t a night of the new moon, the moonlight was so bright. Truly ill-timed.

“Ahem, Anastasia, I’ve thought about it. This isn’t good, is it?”

“Wha… why isn’t it good?”

Fia shamelessly spoke her thoughts out loud.

“When facing Nola, I said I needed a month to think about it. Now, facing Anastasia, I agree immediately. Isn’t that very strange?”

“You must have misunderstood something. I am merely acting as a training partner. It’s different from Holy Son Nola; they cannot be lumped together.”

“Er…”

She wasn’t wrong.

Was Anastasia just too clever?

Fia really wanted to turn around and see what kind of expression Anastasia was making right now, but because the alley was only wide enough for one person, Anastasia would definitely notice her looking.

That would make her look like a lost and helpless child.

She was being pushed along entirely by Anastasia… Just like when she first arrived on the World Tree Continent and was agonizing over whether to accept the identity of the Eldest Princess, Anastasia had given her a way out and made the choice for her. She hadn’t expected it to be the same now.

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To be given a push twice by people who were so similar yet different… I really am useless…

“Do you… do you think it’s alright?”

“Let me think about it…”

Fia fell silent.

What kind of long-winded explanation was she supposed to give Anastasia at a time like this?

Fia didn’t know how to choose. Her only reason for refusing Anastasia was her own principles, yet Anastasia had used the excuse of “practice,” cornering her perfectly. If she didn’t understand Anastasia’s heart, she would have happily agreed in an instant. But knowing that Anastasia admired her, nodding while knowing the truth made her state of mind quite subtle.

Goddess, why are you making me face such a difficult problem?

—It seemed she had said that before.

The choice was right before her eyes, yet she still had the presence of mind to think about these things.

Fia gave a wry smile.

Perhaps the difficulty was so great that she simply gave up on thinking altogether.

Before they knew it, the two had walked out of the alley. Fia finally had the chance to walk side-by-side with Anastasia. She deliberately slowed her pace and quietly turned her head to look at Anastasia’s beautiful profile under the moonlight. However, she discovered that while she was looking at Anastasia, Anastasia was also quietly looking at her. Even though it was night, Fia could clearly see by the moonlight that Anastasia’s cheeks were incredibly red, so hot it felt as if they were warming the air itself.

Like a caught mouse, Fia quickly retracted her gaze.

So Anastasia gets shy too…

The atmosphere became awkward. Neither Fia nor Anastasia spoke, yet both could feel as if a single sentence were circulating between them.

Where are those sightless exiles? Why aren’t they coming out to cause trouble?

Fia screamed in her heart, but the winding, rugged path formed by the tents was empty. All the exiles were tucked away in their tents, sleeping soundly.

Even the irredeemable exiles were creating an opportunity for them.

The moon shining on Anastasia, the exiles—everyone was far too good at reading the room.

If only they’d show some of their usual energy…

There was only the sound of footsteps crunching on the dirt.

A midsummer night that was incredibly quiet, yet her heart felt like a raging storm.

Even the rules of the world were helping Anastasia; was this a hint that she should do something as well?

Perhaps she should follow her heart… but how could she face her own principles…?

“Eh?”

Suddenly, Fia felt warmth in her hand, accompanied by Anastasia’s startled cry. She thought Anastasia had taken her hand, but looking down, she realized that she was the one who had unconsciously taken Anastasia’s.

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Wasn’t the answer already there?

In the end, she had made this choice.

Dammit.

I really am a bastard.

Even as she thought this, she gripped the hand a little tighter.

“Your Highness, you…”

Though she spoke with hesitation, a flash of joy crossed Anastasia’s azure eyes.

Fia wanted to keep a straight face and act aloof, but her body wouldn’t obey. She couldn’t control the blush rising to her cheeks, so she had to turn her face away.

“Mhm… yeah… that’s what I meant. Claire and the others might be waiting, so let’s get back quickly.”

“Yes.” Anastasia nodded habitually, then asked timidly and cautiously, “Then, does Your Highness mean… you… agree?”

Fia’s face grew even redder. She even felt her palms beginning to sweat, to the point that her grip on Anastasia’s hand became fidgety. If Anastasia hadn’t been holding on so tight, she would have broken away out of sheer embarrassment.

“That’s—that’s what I meant. Don’t ask so much, Anastasia. Are you stupid? Also, let me say this in advance: this is just ‘practice’ as you said. It’s not real… real… anyway, as long as you understand what I’m trying to express.”

“Of course!”

Although Anastasia tried her best to maintain a calm tone, her face was clearly filled with excitement. Fia, taking in this scene, felt both relief and guilt. She caught her breath and then feigned a tough attitude.

“Alright, let’s head back quickly.”

“Yes.”

As she spoke, Anastasia let go of Fia’s hand. Then, Fia stubbornly took it back again. She frowned and looked at Anastasia, a clear hint of reproach in her exquisite features.

“You’ve already agreed, and you’re taking your hand back? Going back like this is fine.”

“But Lady Claire will find out…”

“Don’t worry.”

“But—”

“That’s an order.”

Ignoring Anastasia’s stiffening expression, Fia led her forward quite forcefully, practically dragging her to take the first step.

Translator Note

=w=)b