Volume 8, Chapter 64 – Melting Away, and True Feelings

Lucitine’s words, whose meaning only Fia understood, left everyone present with puzzled expressions. Their gazes shifted to Fia. Holding Liti, Fia’s body stiffened. She first patted Liti’s back, signaling her to get down, then stood up and, rather awkwardly, straightened her clothes.

“If there’s something you want to say, let’s talk inside. People might overhear us out here.”

Saying this, Fia proactively walked towards the door of the Twilight Palace, not forgetting to instruct Anastasia to put away the documents and letters before she left.

During the time she led Lucitine towards the library, Fia’s mind raced.

She had certainly heard Lucitine’s apology, but she didn’t understand why Lucitine had undergone this change. She was extremely surprised by this apology. From Fia’s standpoint, Lucitine was the type of person who, once she knew someone was meddling with Chaos, would regard them as an enemy no matter what. Not standing with Chaos was a matter of principle for her. Precisely because of this, a few days ago Lucitine had flown into a rage upon seeing her command Milan. Now, not only had she come to apologize, but she even directly said she was wrong, giving Fia the illusion, “Is this really not the pure white fairy in disguise?”

However, the fact was that Fia also knew the pure white fairy couldn’t possibly impersonate Lucitine. There was a clearly perceptible difference between an energy entity and a person with flesh and blood: the thudding sound of feet on the wooden floor, the subtle changes in facial muscles, and the variation of light and shadow caused by the body blocking light. These details combined to form the feeling of a “living person.” Although the current Lucitine appeared introverted, she was certainly not played by an energy entity.

Moreover, judging by this travel-worn appearance, she had probably flown all the way from the Netherworld to Blossom. In terms of time, two days of full-speed flight would be just about right.

In other words, not long after she had saved Lucitine, Lucitine had set out?

It couldn’t be that saving Lucitine had greatly moved her, so she had specially come to thank her. From her own standpoint, she was already grateful that Lucitine hadn’t interpreted her rescue as self-directed and -acted, especially given how resolute Lucitine’s resistance had been at the time, to the point of even abandoning the name “Lucitine.”

Besides, Lucitine hadn’t come all this way just to give thanks; she had said “I’m sorry.” The logic that being saved by her meant no longer hating Chaos simply didn’t hold up. Just thinking about it made Fia find it absurd.

She couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

She’d take it one step at a time. Apologizing and pretending nothing had happened were two different things. Lucitine might have simply come to apologize and then leave, not intending to restore their past relationship. If she were too casual and directly called her by the name Lucitine, it might be like poking a pufferfish, making Lucitine instantly become prickly in her speech.

Fia could even imagine Lucitine frowning and reprimanding, “I didn’t allow you to call me that!”

How harsh.

It would have been better if she hadn’t come to find me.

Fia sighed inwardly. Although she knew Lucitine’s hatred for Chaos came from the bottom of her heart, which was why she had been so resolute that day, that didn’t mean she hadn’t been hurt by Lucitine. Of course, the hurt wasn’t as severe as one might imagine; she had concealed things first. Without that premise, she would have definitely been furious and never paid Lucitine any mind again.

Harboring various thoughts, Fia led the silent Lucitine to a stop at the library door. She opened the door and walked in, then turned to look at Lucitine, who was still standing outside.

“Come in. There’s no one else here, and no one will hear our conversation.”

Although her tone was flat, one could detect stiffness in it.

Still angry, after all.

Head bowed, Lucitine clasped her hands tightly in front of her, a groan escaping her heart. Of course, she understood that Fia was angry now. If she were Fia, she would be angry too—expending painstaking effort to help the weaker party reach a reconciliation with the stronger one, only to have the weaker party, after finally being persuaded, turn around and cause trouble. Anyone would be furious, let alone the fact that she had not only expelled Fia but also, to show her resolve, returned the name “Lucitine.”

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If not for those last words, Fia wouldn’t have drawn a line with her either.

“Mm.”

Lucitine nodded lightly and obediently followed Fia into the library. Her movements were like a first-time visitor, her steps cautiously, afraid of knocking something over. She only stopped when she reached Fia’s desk.

Fia leaned against the desk, hands braced on either side, standing slanted and unceremoniously.

“Lu… Venex, what did you want to say?”

“Uh—”

Lucitine’s voice faltered. She really wanted to ask Fia if she could use the name “Lucitine” again, even if it meant using the most humble, begging tone. However, spilt water couldn’t be recovered. She knew asking for this now would be too arrogant, as if she were treating Fia like something she could summon and dismiss at will.

She forcibly swallowed the bitterness in her throat, still keeping her eyes lowered.

“I wanted to apologize to you.”

“Apologize? For what?”

Lucitine abruptly lifted her head. She wasn’t naive enough to think this was literal—other than sarcasm, there was no other possibility.

I had hurt Fia.

Lucitine bit her lip.

“Then what should I do for Fia to forgive me…”

“Saying it like that, I can’t understand what you’re trying to express, Venex. Don’t you think this change in attitude is very abrupt? Did that pure white fairy beat the stupidity into you?”

I want to go back to the way we were before , Lucitine answered in her heart. She wanted to tell Fia that she had realized Fia was an indispensable part of her life. From the moment she understood that Fia had drawn a line with her, she had been in constant fear and unease, as if a large piece of her heart had been gouged out. She had become unable to do without Fia. But in the current context, such a statement would only be disgusting—just as she had initially thought, treating Fia like something she could summon and dismiss at will was too selfish.

Even if she said it, she would only be met with ridicule.

Thinking this far, Lucitine gritted her teeth. She stepped forward, bravely looking at Fia’s face. But upon glimpsing Fia’s backlit expression, Lucitine, as if afraid, quickly averted her gaze and stammered in response.

“After you left, I thought a lot. I… I shouldn’t have been so absolute in my words. I was wrong. Fia was with Chaos, yes, but the ultimate goal was to unite the undead and the World Tree Continent against a common external enemy. I was blinded by anger. No, it was like I suddenly became uncontrollable back then. I, I…”

As her tone grew more urgent, by the end Lucitine was already incoherent, only able to open her mouth and reach out a hand towards Fia. However, the outstretched hand merely stopped in the air, not daring to touch Fia.

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“Hmm—”

Fia murmured.

She frowned, scrutinizing Lucitine. Feeling Fia’s questioning gaze, Lucitine’s body couldn’t help but tremble.

What she had feared most had happened. Fia didn’t trust her at all.

Come to think of it, how could a person suddenly become uncontrollable? Ultimately, it meant she hadn’t trusted Fia enough, which was why she couldn’t control her emotions. Her excuse was too clumsy.

But she had already said everything she could. If even this couldn’t win back Fia’s heart… no, if she gave up here, there would never be another chance. Lucitine had this premonition. This moment would decide the future. If she didn’t do enough, she would lose Fia here and never be able to lift her head again.

The urgency in her heart forced her to step forward and sincerely take Fia’s right hand. Her face, which should have been elegant, showed not a trace of queenly elegance, only the anxious desire to reclaim her friend.

“I… I don’t want to lose you, Fia. Driving you away that day was a moment of madness, of losing my reason. These past few days, I’ve lived in regret, constantly regretting driving you away. I’ve recognized my mistake. Please, forgive me. I promise I’ll never do it again!”

“No…”

Seeing Fia seemed about to refuse, the extremely tense Lucitine simply knelt down beside Fia. Tears of unease and regret appeared in her eyes.

“I won’t speak ill of you for Chaos anymore. Whether it’s Noreen’s remnant soul or the Chaos you command, I’ll do my utmost to cooperate with you, Fia. I just… I just don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to become a person no different from the other Venexes. I’ve truly fallen in love with you. I don’t want my life to lose its color!”

A cry, as if torn from the depths of her heart, echoed through the library. The vibration of her voice even made the dust on the bookshelves tremble.

What is this woman doing…?

Watching Lucitine, who was gripping her right hand tightly, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes, doing everything she could to beg for forgiveness, Fia was momentarily frozen. Of course, she understood what Lucitine was saying, but the timing of this declaration left her unsure how to respond. There was a strange sense of dislocation, as if something was out of place.

Lucitine’s hatred for Chaos wasn’t something that happened overnight. This statement now was almost like, in order to keep her, she could stop hating Chaos. And the better one knew Lucitine, the clearer one understood her obsession with Chaos. She hadn’t even agreed to find the remnant soul for Estelle’s sister, Noreen. Yet now, for the sake of her so-called “love,” she could allow her to command Chaos. It was extremely strange.

Fia didn’t think she had done anything to make Lucitine truly fall in love with her. From the perspective that she had made Lucitine fall into danger as part of her plan and then rescued her, the connection between her and Lucitine had undergone no real trial of storms.

What had happened to Lucitine during the time I was away…?

And saying such cheesy things.

Unsure of what had happened to Lucitine, Fia could only help her up first. The latter stood up properly but stared at Fia with an anxious expression, as if expecting a response, insisting that Fia nod her head. Fia felt as if she might be burned by the gaze and had to look away—being directly confessed to was really embarrassing.

“I understand a little. Venex means to withdraw her previous decision and continue cooperating, right?”

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“Still Venex…”

Although Lucitine’s voice was so low it was almost inaudible, and her tone was like that of an utterly dejected failure, Fia still caught the words thanks to her keen elf hearing.

“Wasn’t it you who told me to call you that?”

Not bothering to confirm if Fia was being difficult, Lucitine’s unfocused eyes instantly regained their sparkle, and she breathlessly corrected.

“That was just me talking nonsense back then. I… I still prefer the name Lucitine. Fia can call me Lucitine from now on. No, actually, as long as you don’t call me Venex, you can call me anything!”

“Won’t you get angry?”

“Absolutely not! I’m sincere!”

“Ahem.”

Having a beautiful girl staring at her with such fiery eyes would make anyone uncomfortable. Fia cleared her throat with her right fist pressed to her lips. After hesitating for a moment, she explained quite seriously.

“I understand your feelings, Lucitine. I was in the wrong first for concealing my cooperation with Chaos. Regardless of the purpose, one shouldn’t deceive future allies, especially on such a matter of principle. I used saving your life, Lucitine, to make up for the fault of deception. Now that you’ve also apologized to me, let’s consider it even, shall we?”

Seeing Lucitine’s pained, lip-biting expression, Fia thought she might have misunderstood “even” to mean no further contact. Fia had no choice but to helplessly add another sentence.

“By ‘even’ here, I mean we can get along like before. Only, I have to make one thing clear: I cannot abandon Milan and the others. Can Lucitine truly accept that? If you can’t, don’t force yourself. Wait until you can accept it, then we’ll talk.”

After saying this, Fia quietly observed Lucitine’s expression. She was worried Lucitine might repeat history. As it turned out, her worry was unnecessary. Lucitine’s mood had already shifted from stormy to clear skies. Hearing that Fia was willing to forgive her, her expression instantly brightened, and she nodded repeatedly with joy.

“I can accept it, I can accept it!”

“Really?”

Fia was quite doubtful. Lucitine seemed completely different from before.

“Really!”

“You’re not Ruth in disguise, are you?”

“Has Ruth ever disguised herself as me?”

It seemed to be the real person.

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Although filled with confusion, even bewilderment, Fia still chose to accept this outcome for now. She tried to withdraw her hand from Lucitine’s grip, but Lucitine held on quite tightly, as if afraid Fia would leave her.

This behavior felt, somehow, like a child looking for its mother after being scared awake by a nightmare.

Quite puzzled, Fia sorted through Lucitine’s statements again in her mind. Then a guess emerged, one that seemed incredible both rationally and emotionally.

Her importance in Lucitine’s heart outweighed the hatred the first Venex had left in her. That was why Lucitine’s personality had changed so much, allowing her to ignore her “transgression” of cooperating with Chaos and still want to mend their broken relationship.

It sounded simply like fantasy.

But aside from this possibility, she couldn’t think of another.

After all this going around in circles, the problem was ultimately solved by coaxing Lucitine’s feelings. However, she hadn’t deliberately done anything to win Lucitine’s favor. Things were unpredictable; this simply couldn’t be called coaxing.

Correspondingly, how to deal with Lucitine’s feelings next was a problem. Lucitine had made such an impassioned confession. Under normal circumstances, she should rightly give an answer.

Fia quietly observed Lucitine, whose forehead was covered in sweat beads, but whose face now only showed happiness.

Lucitine wasn’t waiting for her answer. For now, she’d avoid mentioning it.

Furthermore, just in case, she absolutely had to meet the first Venex in the immortal sanctuary. She had to know why the first Venex loathed Chaos.

Pretending not to see the relief and joy on Lucitine’s face, Fia proactively changed the subject.

“Lucitine, do you know why the Venexes in the immortal sanctuary disappeared?”

“You’re bringing them up now?”

“Let’s talk about serious matters first. Later, I’ll arrange for you to meet Milan, the Chaos who obeys my commands. Before that, I want to fundamentally solve your problem of loathing Chaos. The reason you hate Chaos is probably because the first Venex tampered with the ‘replacement’ ceremony. Two days have passed. The souls in the immortal sanctuary should be about ready to recover. There’s no time to lose. Let’s go to the kingdom of the dead. Also, is the ghost I captured alive, the one who claimed she wanted to kill you, still alive?”

“She killed herself.”

“Killed herself?”

Fia’s eyebrows instantly furrowed. She tensed up, grasping Lucitine’s backhand.

“Let’s go to the kingdom of the dead now. Immediately.”