Idle Asides, No. 1, Cercis’ Perspective — The Undercover Operation
✦✦✦Idle Asides, No. 1, Cercis’ Perspective — The Undercover Operation✦✦✦
My special division has been constructing a frontline base as part of an advance party near the border separating the Flür Kingdom and its southern neighbor, Aurantia, on land belonging to the Fisalis family.
We had been investigating in secret ever since we received a tip from someone in Aurantia that the kingdom is conspiring to go to war with Flür. Our cover was almost completely blown when, in the middle of the investigation, some tradesman told Viola I was having an affair! I suspect he received quite the tongue lashing from Rohtas, but (typical of me, I suppose) I was not satisfied.
Damn it all.
...Ahem.
At any rate, we gathered all the intel we could from our secret base outside the capital and have begun to approach enemy territory. We will work out a more specific strategy once we scope out the situation here.
Thus:
“I’ve decided we’ll disguise ourselves as merchants on business for our time undercover. We can’t afford to stand out.”
From here on, our undercover work will be deep in enemy territory. It’s unlikely that we will be recognized, since Aurantia is a third-world country, but just in case, we’ll don disguises (as well-worn as they are by now) and appropriate makeup.
But.
“You’ll probably stick out the most, Commander.”
“No one would forget a merchant that good-looking.”
“You need an uglier disguise!”
My subordinates like to make mountains out of molehills. As soon as they lay eyes on me, it’s nothing but complaints. They say whatever they want, with no filter whatsoever, about my disguises—“it just doesn’t look right,” “okay, but now try to look even worse,” and “don’t let your innate elegance show!”
If they have the time to complain, then I think they ought to have plenty of time for more training too, but as far as disguises go, they are right that it’s important to be inconspicuous. Standing out in this scenario would be objectively bad.
I was contemplating how the hell I was supposed to make myself uglier when one of them said, “Ah, in that case... try this!” I was handed a pair of glasses with absurdly thick black frames.
Seriously?
These are so thick they’d only make my vision worse.
“Only some nerdy librarian from the Royal Library would wear these,” I said.
“Which makes them a perfect disguise!”
Wondering to myself if I could use them as a prop, I gave in to the pressure and put them on... only to notice that my subordinates all looked disappointed. What now? I put them on like you told me to. Do they look weird?
“Oh no, the glasses only make him look even more stunning...”
“Damn it! How is this possible?!” My subordinates were making quite the scene, slamming their fists on the table and crying. I ignored their antics. I couldn’t understand why they were so upset.
I guess the glasses look better on me than they expected? Don’t make this awkward, everyone.
“Look, guys, don’t be so depressed. It does make him look slightly less immaculate,” said Corydalis, my lieutenant commander, as he tried to calm them down. He was disguised as a merchant, too, but the look somehow actually suited him.
Hell. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed that he’s really good with disguises. That pisses me off, though, so I’m not going to let on about that.
“Lieutenant Commander! Do you mean to say that even wearing hideous accessories only makes him slightly less attractive? You’re going to make us cry!”
“He’s making us normies look even uglier!”
“Hey, g-guys. Chill. It’s not like we have much of a choice. It’s ‘slightly nerdy’ or nothing.” Corydalis continued to try to placate my subordinates as the latter clung to one another and whined.
I still don’t get what all the fuss is about.
—At a Pub, Undercover—
Undercover in Aurantia, we made contact with our target on multiple occasions and managed to gather some useful intel. We took the opportunity to scout the area while we were there. Using textiles that would have been hard to find in Aurantia only made our merchant disguises more convincing. We’d actually sourced those textiles from Viola’s family territory! Since they weren’t commonly found in other kingdoms, it would have been nearly impossible to trace them back to that specific place. Additionally, we’d contributed to the Euphorbia family’s income, thereby making it a two-birds-one-stone deal!
Enough about that, though.
“A lot of them are dressed better than I expected,” I grumbled after I had finished talking with our informant and discreetly surveyed the area.
“According to our research, this place gets some rather fancy clientele. A lot of travelers, too, which means this is an ideal site for undercover work,” Corydalis explained. Judging from their skin tone and clothes, it did indeed seem as though many people in the crowd weren’t from Aurantia.
He’s not kidding—this spot really is perfect.
The other knights sat next to us, also in disguise; they were eating and drinking just like everyone else in the pub as Corydalis and I exchanged occasional comments. Did they forget what they were here for? In the pub with Corydalis and I were two of our male subordinates, Lantana and Jen, as well as Chamomile and Angelica, both disguised as men; the two of them did everything together.
Foreign merchants stayed in here talking business for longer than they’d stand around on the street, so many of them were doing so over dinner. When we weren’t talking in private with our informant, we had been visiting other establishments so as not to rouse suspicion.
“Boy, men’s clothes really suit them,” Lantana said in awe as he looked at Chamomile and Angelica. It was a perfect disguise—no one would assume they were anything other than unusually beautiful, feminine men.
“Didja expect anything less? It takes balls to pull something like this off, and we’ve got the biggest ones here!” laughed Chamomile heartily as she chugged malt liquor. She’s almost too much of a natural at that...
“But you never know what someone may try when they see a lithe young man.”
“Huh? Who do ya think you’re talkin’ to? There wouldn’t be nothin’ left of anyone who tried messin’ with me!” Chamomile replied to her fellow knight with a roguish grin. ...Okay, yeah, she’s definitely way too good at being a man.
“What’s scary is that she seems like she really could.”
“She definitely could,” Lantana and Jen whispered back and forth, timidly. They quickly found themselves on the receiving end of Chamomile’s glare, though, and cringed in fright.
Suddenly, raucous laughter cut straight through all the tension in the air (granted, the tension was limited to the air between my male subordinates).
“Man, who would’ve thought we’d make such great men? We’d have hell to pay if our disguises failed!” Angelica added in a baritone voice, jovially swigging a tankard full of more malt liquor. ...How is she even making that voice?
My poor (male) subordinates could only look on in amazement.
“For real, no one would ever guess they’re women.”
“If anything, they look manlier than a lot of the actual guys here,” Lantana and Jen whispered in each other’s ears in order to be heard over Chamomile and Angelica’s loud laughter.
We’d be a real force to be reckoned with if Alkanna had joined us. No, never mind, I can barely keep these two in line as it is. They’d be uncontrollable once she was added to the mix. No, I need to put a stop to this, now!
“What did you just say?!” Chamomile and Angelica asked my men threateningly.
They... they really do look like guys. Viola would probably go nuts if she could see them now. And she’s friendly with them, too! She’d probably be really into them if she saw them dressed like this. I-I’m not jealous or anything, though!
And thus I found myself sitting in that crowded pub attempting to re-convince myself of my own masculinity, surrounded by the good company of my men—both the ones who were born that way and... the other two. They seemed to have fun joking around with each other, so Corydalis and I left them alone and busied ourselves watching the other customers.