CHAPTER TWO

Kenta Is in His Room

The day after Kura stuck me with his request, I was heading to the cafeteria at lunch break with Yuuko, Yua, Kazuki, Kaito, Haru, and Nanase. All the popular kids in Year Two, Class Five, in other words.

When I looked around, I could see that several new second-years I didn’t know had taken up noisy positions at the tables. Since our school’s cafeteria is kind of small, there’s an unwritten rule that first-years aren’t allowed to sit down to eat, unless they’re super popular. There was no punishment for breaking this rule, of course, but all the first-years tended to stick to it out of an awareness of the school hierarchy. Most of them took their school lunch out to the courtyard or the classroom to eat. As long as they returned their plates and eating utensils, none of the staff cared.

So the privilege of being able to eat in the school cafeteria was something new and exciting to a lot of kids who had been first-years only as recently as two weeks ago.

As for my group, we had obviously been eating in the cafeteria the whole time, and we were a little taken aback as we were reminded of how it was a year ago. The cafeteria was at its fullest in April, but the numbers tended to taper off around second semester. By the time third semester rolled around, there were a lot of empty seats. We had come straight from class, and yet most of the tables were already filled. The only empty one was located in the farthest corner, which everyone knew was basically permanently reserved for a group of the most popular kids in third year. But that was last year. They were gone now.

“Boy, it’s crowded. I guess a lot of first-years felt like cafeteria lunch today.”

Yuuko had been mindlessly seating herself in the cafeteria all through first year and hadn’t noticed how unusual that was. Typical Yuuko.

Kazuki rolled his eyes. “Uh, no, it’s mostly second-years like us. I’m not asking you to remember names, but you could at least learn to identify faces. You’re gonna make all the boys cry. They’ve been staring at you since you came in. You talk to complete strangers like they’re your best friends; you could at least try to remember who some of them are.”

“What? But you’re nice to all the girls, too, Kazuki.”

“No, it’s Saku who sweet-talks everyone. I pick and choose.”

“Wow, that’s…kinda awful.”

“You might see it that way. But sometimes in this world, you have to be cruel to be kind.”

“You know, Kazuki, sometimes I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

That table’s free, so let’s sit there.

Kazuki and Yuuko sat themselves down at the far table, operating on basic logic. The others all joined them and flopped down casually at the table, too.

As we settled ourselves down at the sacred table, whose location identified its users as the chosen few, there was a hushed murmur across the cafeteria. As if everyone was thinking, Ah yeah, that checks out. Our group sat down without much ado, but I knew that starting tomorrow this table would always remain empty and waiting for us. And that we would always make sure to choose this table to sit at. It suited me fine. There was no need to scope out a different spot. Thus, the perks of one petty unspoken high school rule had just been inherited by our group.

“What’s everyone eating? I’m having the katsudon, jumbo size, obviously!”

The dish Haru had just mentioned was popular among the guys in the sports teams. It was pretty calorific. A mountain of white rice soaked in special sauce, then covered with two big pieces of breaded, deep-fried pork drenched in the same sauce. Unless you ordered the jumbo, in which case you got three pieces.

By the way, if you order katsudon in Fukui, you get the sauce-soaked version every time. I guess in other prefectures it’s normal to get it served with egg, but in Fukui, if you want egg you gotta ask for “katsudon with egg,” or you’ll be disappointed. But we Fukui-ites rarely order that.

I love the stuff. I would totally order it as my last meal. When I was a kid, we took a family trip to Tokyo, and I ordered it at a highway rest area. I got a nasty shock when it arrived dripping with egg.

Yua blinked rapidly in response to Haru’s remark as she set down the tray of waters she’d gotten for everyone.

“Haru, you sure can eat a lot for someone so skinny. I ordered that last year in the regular size, and I had to give up halfway through. Asano had to finish it for me.”

“Whoo! Thanks for the water, Ucchi! But yeah, I can really pack it away. I have breakfast in the morning, then after early club practice, I always eat a rice ball. Then once after-school practice is done, I always pick up a steamed pork bun or a hot dog on a stick at the convenience store. Oh, and then there’s dinner when I get home. I mean, that’s just high school sports club life, though, isn’t it?”

Nanase made a face.

“Er, no, it’s just you. Normal girls learn to fear the repercussions of that. I’ll order the Fuji Lunch, I guess. With only a small serving of rice and extra salad.”

Yua handed Nanase her glass of water. “I think I’ll have the same,” she mumbled.

Today’s lunch special was Hamburg steak with grated daikon radish and ponzu sauce. Following strong pressure from the female student body, our school serves extra salad for those who order a smaller portion of rice. Sadly, they rejected the requests of male students who pushed for a “less salad, extra rice” option.

Yuuko, meanwhile, always had a decent appetite.

“Oh, won’t you be hungry later? I’ll have katsudon as well. Just the normal portion, though.”

Nanase raised an eyebrow at this.

“Er, what?! I figured you’d be the super-calorie-conscious type, Yuuko. Is tennis club really that much of a hard-core workout?”

“Oh, not at all. Sure, we have our medal-hungry maniacs, but a lot of people just play for fun! I’m one of those. Anyway, I don’t really factor my activity levels into what I eat. I just eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t like to over-complicate things!”

“Oh my gosh. Ucchi, can we punch her?”

For some reason, Nanase nudged Yua, who had just finished distributing the waters.

“Oh, I totally get how you feel, Yuzuki-chan! But we can’t allow ourselves to get mad, mon! We gotta rise above, mon!”

Who are you, Kumamon?

I watched as Nanase and Yua threw their arms around each other in solidarity against some perceived injustice. Female friendships. They’re a beautiful thing.

We bought lunch tickets, picked up our orders at the counter, and then returned to the table. Kazuki and I both ordered a dish that was right up there with katsudon on the popularity scale: chilled ramen. Jumbo size, of course. To be honest, it’s just soy-sauce-flavored ramen served cold, and it’s not actually all that good. And yet I found myself addicted to it. The addiction took over a lot of the guy students, but for some reason, girls never ordered it. Just another Fuji High mystery, I guess.

“Cheers to our new class!”

Yuuko led us all in a toast, and we all cheered as we clinked glasses together. Water glasses, of course.

Then, between bites of his pork and rice, Kaito started talking with his mouth full.

“So, Yuzuki, Haru, how’d you like your new class? It’s all the same old stuff for us, but you’re transplants from Class Three, right?”

Haru was packing it away, too.

“It’s only the second day, dude. Anyway, I can adjust to just about anything, so yeah, I’m having fun! Besides, I already knew Chitose and Mizushino from before. And Ucchi and Yuuko are easy to get along with. And I bet we’ll be the group to beat in the inter-class sports tournaments!”

Meanwhile, Nanase finished delicately swallowing a bite of her Hamburg steak and put her chopsticks down before speaking.

“I feel the same way. But it’s also daunting. There are so many new people I’ve never spoken to before.”

“Oh yeah. There are so many people who I’ve never even seen before, either!” Yuuko commented lazily.

Kazuki rolled his eyes.

“Er, that’s not the same thing. You just have selective amnesia when it comes to people’s faces. As we already discussed.”

“Oh, shut up, Kazuki. This afternoon we’ve got math, biology, and English, right? Ugh, I’ve got a headache already. Is it time to go home yet?”

I joined in, seamlessly picking up the rhythm of the conversation. “Well, that’s what you get in an elite school.” I paused for a second before continuing. “By the way… Has anyone here ever felt like just not coming to school?”

““Why? All the sports are here,”” Haru and Kaito answered in unison.

“All the cute girls are here,” Kazuki added.

“Are you okay, Saku?” Yuuko asked. “Are you having a post-puberty crisis?”

“All right, all right, I guess I phrased that wrong.”

I wanted to face-palm, just a little. I was figuring I could get their opinions on Kenta Yamazaki’s situation in a subtle, sneaky way, but what was the point of asking popular kids about something like that? They were far too popular to relate.

Ah, but perhaps I just overestimated their intelligence. Maybe if I simplified the question, they’d handle it a little better.

“Okay, so say there was someone who didn’t want to come to school, now, why might that be?”

Kaito and Haru answered first.

“You mean an absentee student? I don’t really know, but I guess bullying?”

“Maybe things aren’t going well in their school club. You know, some of the upperclassmen can be too harsh sometimes. You wouldn’t really call it bullying, but sometimes kids don’t see eye to eye with their teammates.”

Both of them had provided uncharacteristically sound arguments. And from the sounds of it, common ones, too.

Kazuki offered his own idea, eyes narrowed.

“Well, this is an elite school, so maybe they can’t keep up with classes? Maybe the stress of the entrance-exam cramming broke them? This school’s full of kids who were at the top of their class in junior high, then got here and discovered they were actually completely average in comparison. What do you think, Yuuko?”

Based on Kura’s intel, I didn’t think that was it. But maybe Yamazaki himself wasn’t happy with his average grades. It was possible.

“I think it has to be romance-related! You know, it’s super sad when the person you like doesn’t like you back. Or even worse, flat out rejects you! Or even worse than that—starts dating someone else! I know I wouldn’t want to come to school.”

That was a very Yuuko response. Not that I really expected her to be able to fathom why someone might be refusing to attend school, of course. But usually it would be because of friendship issues, problems with schoolwork, or an after-school club, right? The three big things that plague every high school kid to some degree, at some point or other.

“Even if they’re skipping school, it doesn’t necessarily mean that school is the source of the trouble.”

This hypothesis came from Nanase.

“I mean, if something bad happens in your home life, for example, you might not have the willpower left to go to school. You might be too scared to interact with anyone, whether at school or outside it.”

I found this concept interesting. We popular kids tended to think of school as the center of the universe, but I guess there were some kids who had other stuff going on.

But Yuuko took the opposing stance.

“That’s weird, though. If I had something bad going on at home, I’d want to come to school even more so I could see my friends.”

“That’s because school is a safe space for you. But some people don’t care much for school to begin with, so they focus on their home life. And then if things go wrong with those relationships at home, it might have a knock-on effect that stops them from wanting to interact with people at school, too.”

“I see,” said Yuuko. “So it’s like when your favorite mascara is sold out at the drugstore. You can’t just buy another brand as easy as that. And if people say your makeup sucks, you’ll start overthinking your whole routine, and it’ll become this huge complex!”

“…I guess that analogy tracks, technically,” Nanase replied. “I’m gonna give you that one.”

Their contributions to the conversation had distracted everyone to the point where no one thought to question why I’d brought up this topic to begin with. Good.

Still, all this posturing and conjecture wasn’t getting me anywhere. I was going to have to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. In the meantime, I applied myself to my chilled ramen.

Yep. It tasted the same as ever. It was just soy-sauce-flavored ramen. Only cold.

“Chitose!”

After lunch, we were heading back to the classroom when Nanase called my name.

We came to a stop in the hallway. Since we were bringing up the rear anyway, none of the others noticed and just kept on walking.

“What’s up?” I asked. “Did you want to separate me from Yuuko and Yua so you could ask me on a date?”

“Oh yeah? A surprise attack like that might be good, I guess.”

Nanase giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. She didn’t seem flustered or indignant at all. Her hair fell forward in front of her ears in an elfin sort of way, like a fairytale sprite from a children’s story. Man, she was cute.

“But right now I have something else I want to talk to you about. That thing you brought up over lunch… Are you having some kind of issue, Chitose?”

So she noticed.

I mean, it’s weird, isn’t it? Why would a popular kid like me even bring up kids not coming to school? Still, while this mission of Kura’s wasn’t exactly something I wanted to make widespread public knowledge, I didn’t need to go to desperate lengths to hide it from my friends, either. Also, Kura hadn’t told me to keep my mouth shut. That had to mean it was cool for me to talk about it, right?

“Kura asked me to do something for him. You noticed we’re missing a student today—and yesterday, too? His name’s Kenta Yamazaki. Apparently, he stopped coming to school around the end of last semester.”

“So he wants you to go convince this kid to come back to school? Boy, it’s hard being Mr. Popular, isn’t it?”

“Tell me about it. Anyway, I won’t be able to help him if I don’t find out what his damage is, so I’m going to go see him after school. Still, I don’t see how a class prez he hasn’t even met is supposed to convince him.”

“Hmm…”

Nanase frowned thoughtfully, tapping her chin with one finger. It was sort of a theatrical gesture, but somehow it suited her and made her look even more beautiful. Weird.

“I could go with you if you like? I can get my club buddies to cover for me. It might go down better if you bring someone with you, after all.”

I knew Nanase and I were birds of a feather.

I hadn’t even told her much at all, but she still came to the same conclusion I did.

“Thanks, Nanase. But I think you and I are too similar. Things are still in the early stages, and I wanna gather some more info. So I’ve already asked someone else.”

“I see. I guess I should butt out. If you’re sure, then okay. But just know you can call on me anytime.”

Nanase gave me a cheeky grin. “I go the extra mile for the guys I like.”

“…Can I interpret that to mean whatever I’d like it to mean?”

“Nope!”

“Damn, you’re good!”

She made an X with her fingers, and then with a smirk she left, taking her C cups with her.

After seventh period, I was waiting by the bike racks when Yua came running out around five minutes late. She didn’t seem to notice me, since she paused for a second, pulled out a compact mirror, and fixed her hair. I smiled a little.

“Sorry, did you wait long?”

“…Oh no, I just got here. Actually, I lied. I was here half an hour ago, just dying to see you. Tee-hee!”

“Wow, now I’m not sorry at all.” Yua gave me a mock scowl, fanning her face with her hand.

“All cool with music club?”

“Yup. It was a free practice day anyway. I just said I had stuff to take care of.”

Last night, when I made that phone call, it was to Yua’s phone. I told her about the situation and asked her to come with me to Yamazaki’s house. I mean, I could have gone alone, but for reasons both good and bad, I tend to stand out. And there are a lot of kids who sneer at the mere mention of the name Saku Chitose. Mostly other guys.

…Sob.

Anyway, if Yamazaki was one of those guys, there was a high probability I’d be met at the door with a “Whaddaya want, you man-slut shithead?” I think Nanase offered to come with me to prevent something like that from happening.

However, Nanase was also school royalty. If Yamazaki was one of those “Die, normies!” kinda types, bringing her with me would be counterproductive. Worst case, he’d be like, “I get it; you two normie scumbags are trying to convince everyone what good people you are, is that your game? Go to hell!”

…Wait a minute, who said I have to help this guy again?

Anyway, that aside, I couldn’t bring Yuuko with me for similar reasons. And also because she had no filter.

So that brings us to Yua. She’s the least standout member of our group, and she doesn’t give off too much of that popular, normie vibe. She gets along well with the mousier girls, too, and she knew how not to get too close too fast without seeming cold. Even people she hadn’t met before tended to like her from the start. And I had another crafty reason for bringing a girl with me, too.

I mean, think about it. No guy wants to show his bad side in front of a pretty girl, right?

“Saku?”

“…It’s a compliment, really, when you think about it, Yua. Being a girl who’s a bit plain, I mean.”

“Er, I have no idea what you were just thinking about, but I know it’s something rude. Anyway, Yamazaki’s house is kind of far. How are we gonna get there?”

“I’ve gotcha covered. I borrowed Kaito’s bike. He said it’s cool as long as we return it before club practice ends.”

Yua and I walked to and from school since we liked the riverbank path, but most kids at our school—most kids in Fukui Prefecture, really—travel to high school by bicycle. The only ones who don’t are the ones who live pretty close to school or those who live so far away they’ve gotta take the train.

And I have to add, Kaito’s choice of the classic granny bike didn’t mean he was uncool. For some reason, every kid in Fukui has a granny bike as his or her ride of choice, rather than a mountain bike or hybrid. As a fun fact, every guy in Fukui, regardless of height, lowers his bike seat down to its lowest setting.

“But I don’t have a bicycle.”

“We’ll ride double. It’s a granny bike, so there’ll be plenty of room.”

I unlocked Kaito’s bike and was fiddling with the seat as I spoke.

“But what if a police officer sees us? They’ll tell us to get off.”

“Listen, Yua. Riding double with a girl on a bicycle is a rite of passage for every high school boy. I know, I know, it’s dangerous, it’s frowned upon, it’s technically illegal, and people get all heated about it on online forums. But don’t you think it sucks to bash people where they can’t defend themselves? Kura said something super philosophical about that the other day.”

“Yeah, and we all know that Mr. Iwanami’s personal life is a colossal disaster…”

Huh, she had a point. Still, that was no reason to be deterred.

“Well, I for one think it’s sad we might graduate never having participated in the classic high school custom of riding double on a bike. Anyway, if anyone gets mad at us, all we have to do is apologize.”

“Well, that’s not really the issue that’s holding me up…”

“Actually, when you think about it, the combined weight of two passengers on a bike has to slow you down, so it’s totally safer. And the brakes have been recently serviced. As long as we go at a nice steady pace, we’ll be way safer than we would be on a racing bicycle. And we can get off and push whenever there’s a lot of pedestrians around.”

“It won’t be that heavy. I didn’t have a big lunch today, after all.”

Yua pouted and sat down on the bike’s rear luggage rack, legs to one side.

“Kaito’s bike has one of those footrests that stick out of the back wheel where the chain is, see? You’ll be more comfortable if you put your feet there, on either side of the bike. It’ll be easier to sit on the luggage rack that way, too.”

Adding one of those footrests to a bicycle was an easy customization and made it much more comfortable for a passenger to sit behind the rider on the bike. Popular kids in Fukui have been adding footrests to their bicycles since way back, and recently the trend had seen something of a revival.

“I am not doing that in this skirt.”

“Well, it’s your call. But you’d better hold on tight to my shoulders or waist, or it’ll be dangerous.”

“Huh?”

Yua looked intimidated for a few moments, then she reluctantly reached out and grasped my shoulders with her fingertips.

“You don’t have to touch me like I’m a dirty dishrag.”

All this prevaricating was getting us nowhere. I grabbed Yua’s hands and repositioned them to hold my shoulders more firmly. Her fingers felt slimmer than I had imagined and were cool to the touch. Her grip on my shoulders was surprisingly strong now, too. It kinda hurt.

Slowly, easily, I started pedaling. We headed off down the narrow side street that ran in the opposite direction to the river path. There weren’t any students out and about here. It wasn’t even close to getting dark yet, but for some reason, there was no one around.

We rode for around ten minutes before we came out onto a wider road, and the town disappeared on us. To the left and right, there were only rice fields. You’ve never seen such a quintessential Fukui countryside scene. The fields were still brown and a bit sad, but come next month, they’d be filled with shallow water, rippling pleasantly in the warm May winds.

“Your back…”

Yua finally loosened up on her death grip and said something.

“Your back, Saku… It’s much wider and more muscular than I thought… Very masculine.”

“Well, I used to be the best baseball player in the prefecture, you know. You may not believe me, but I’ve always ranked first during the school athletic tests, ever since elementary school. I even beat out Kaito and Kazuki.”

“I know. I saw one of your games out on the athletic field last summer, from the classroom window. I was having band practice.”

“Before we became the great buddies we are now? Have you always been a secret fan of mine, Yua?”

“…Hmm, maybe I have.”

Then, hesitantly, as if fumbling about in the dark, Yua switched her grip from my shoulders to my waist. It tickled a little, but I faced front and kept pedaling at the same pace and cadence so it didn’t show.

“Is something on your mind, Saku?”

“Yeah. I’m thinking about how best to execute a sudden tactical brake so I can get some boob-to-back action.”

“…”

“I apologize, I apologize. Can you please stop squeezing my jugular?”

“You are such a jerk.”

Huffing, Yua put her arms around my waist again.

“I know, I know, but never mind me. We’re here to help Kenta Yamazaki. Did you have any ideas while we were all discussing things at lunch?”

“Hmm, I thought about it, but without any hints to go on, it’s impossible to guess what could be wrong. I guess we just have to press ahead and ask him ourself.”

“I think you mean ourselves.”

We arrived at Yamazaki’s house with some help from my phone’s GPS. It was just a boring, ordinary house with a tiled roof. It wasn’t particularly new, but it wasn’t particularly old, either. It was probably built in the eighties. You can’t walk fifty meters in any direction in Fukui without seeing at least one house like this. (In the suburban areas, at least.) It had a faded wooden nameplate on the gate that said YAMAZAKI.

I let Yua off in front of the house, then parked the bike at the end of the bike rack. Yua shot me a “What now?” sort of look. Without hesitation, I went up to the door and rang the doorbell.

Ding-dong.

I could hear the doorbell ringing inside the house. I quickly fastened the top button of my shirt and straightened my tie. Then I grabbed Yua’s hand and made her stand beside me. We stood there for around ten seconds before we heard a voice from inside.

“…Hello?” the person asked suspiciously.

“Hello! I’m Saku Chitose, a friend of Kenta’s. We’re in the same class in second year. I’m going to be class president this year, so I brought some class handouts for him!”

I was polite, but not so polite as to sound phony. I faced the security camera and gave it my best “Trust me” smile.

At the same time, I gently whacked Yua on the back, where the camera couldn’t see, cueing her to speak, too.

“Hello, I’m Yua Uchida. Kenta hasn’t been coming to school lately, so we were a bit worried and wanted to see if he was feeling okay!”

Classic Yua.

She was a little more reserved and polite than I was, but with a friendly, caring air. Yes, yes, that’s why I brought you, Yua!

“Oh my, to go to such trouble…! Hold on just a second!”

We could hear a commotion inside, with plenty of rustling and clanking. Then we heard footsteps running to the door. It sounded like Yamazaki’s mom was doing a rush-job cleanup.

“Thank you for waiting! I’m Kenta’s mother.”

The face that appeared at the door belonged to a woman in her late forties. She was slim, in a bony sort of way. The skin on her cheeks and the backs of her hands looked worn-out, and her hair was peppered with gray streaks and seemed to have been hastily smoothed down. She looked us both up and down as if appraising us quickly, then refocused her gaze on our faces.

“We’re sorry for the sudden intrusion. Is this a bad time?”

I bowed politely to Mrs. Yamazaki, giving her the old winning smile. Beside me, Yua lowered her head as well.

“Oh my, of course not! I apologize for the mess, but please do come in.”

Mrs. Yamazaki’s voice had gone up two octaves as she ushered us in and gave us both a pair of slippers. I figured one octave was because she was stunned to discover that her son really did seem to have friends who gave a damn, and the other was because it was obvious to anyone that Yua and I were probably two of the best-looking kids in our school.

It’s handy being attractive at times like this. You can bypass the whole process of earning people’s trust after you meet them. They just give it to you. And while parents tend to recoil when teachers pay home visits, their kid’s friends don’t have that same intimidating effect. So it was no surprise that Mrs. Yamazaki was being so welcoming. I guess that’s another reason why Kura put me up to this.

She showed us into the living room, and we sat down on the sofa. Mrs. Yamazaki then served us black tea, from teabags and not leaves. Yua asked for milk in hers, but I had mine straight.

“Ah, before I forget. Here are the handouts we got today.”

I pulled out a bunch of handouts I’d gotten from Kura. Mrs. Yamazaki took them, sighing as she scanned them quickly.

“I’m really sorry for all the trouble my son is causing…”

I ignored her, folding my hands solemnly in my lap and clearing my throat hesitantly.

“How is Kenta, though? We’ve all been worried. We weren’t sure how to reach out, and then time just kept marching on… I really wish we could have come sooner.”

“You’re so sweet to be concerned. But I don’t even know what to say to him myself, to be honest with you.”

Mrs. Yamazaki lifted her head and looked at me.

“But the important thing is that Kenta has friends like you, who care. As his mother, I’m so happy to know that. I always worry that he’s all alone at school.”

I’d heard he had “friends with mutual interests” at school, so it wasn’t like him being alone and friendless was the problem. I bet his so-called friends didn’t turn heads when they walked down the hallways like we did, though.

“So Kenta won’t even talk to you, his mother? About, uh, the reason why he won’t come to school?” Yua spoke hesitantly.

“It’s embarrassing to admit, but he never tells me anything. He just suddenly announced in January of this year that he didn’t want to go anymore, and then he locked himself up in his room. I put trays of food outside his door at meal times, and he does eat them, so at least there’s that. And I can tell he’s been roaming around the house while I’m out shopping—or late at night when everyone’s asleep.”

“It’s a relief to know he’s eating properly.”

The atmosphere was getting more and more depressing, but Yua was trying to keep it light.

“I’m really sorry… Oh, for a cute young girl like you to have to concern herself with this…”

Yua looked guilty all of a sudden, so I quickly jumped in.

“But you know, for kids our age, there’s nothing more embarrassing than telling your troubles to your parents. So it makes sense he hasn’t confided in you. I’d be more worried about him if he spent every day putting everything on you.”

I kept my tone light and easy-breezy.

“You…you may be right. He’s my own son, but I don’t understand him at all…”

“Well, that’s no surprise. We don’t know ourselves at this age, you know? But would you allow us to try to talk to Kenta? If possible, just us two. If you’re nearby, he might not want to talk.”

“Oh, I was just about to ask if you’d talk to him. But I have to warn you, he may be very rude to you as well. When his teacher came by the other day, he said, ‘I’m not interested! Get rid of him!’…”

“My apologies for saying so, but a teacher is just like a parent. There are some things high schoolers can only admit to other high schoolers, you know? He might be rude to us, too, but we won’t give up. We’ll keep coming back. I want to graduate with Kenta, all of us together. So would you be okay letting us handle this situation and not saying anything more about it yourself?”

Mrs. Yamazaki gasped and nodded, eyes filling with tears.

…Hook, line, and sinker.

“…You could be a scam artist.”

As we headed up the stairs to Yamazaki’s room on the second floor, Yua hissed at me.

“Wow, that’s mean. I didn’t tell a single lie.”

“You said we’re his friends.”

“That was just common sense to win her over.”

“You said we’ve been worried about him.”

“I have. Ever since yesterday at lunch. I actually wish we’d come earlier. The situation seems very dire.”

“You said we’d keep coming back! You said you want to graduate with him!”

“I do. ’Cause otherwise, Kura is never gonna let me off the hook.”

“Saku, did your mother never teach you about how you shouldn’t talk back?”

We reached the second floor and stopped outside the door at the end of the short hallway. Yua gave me another “What now?” look, but I just knocked on the door.

Knock, knock, knock.

Three slow knocks. I had gotten his mother to tell me the kind of knock she usually used. A pair of unfamiliar voices calling out all of a sudden might give the guy a heart attack.

Knock, knock, knock.

Knock, knock, knock.

I waited a few seconds before repeating the knock.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Shut up! I can hear you! What do you want?!”

An answer finally came after the fourth knock.

“Hey, man. It’s Saku Chitose from Year Two, Class Five. We’re in the same class, right, Yamazaki? ’Sup, homeroom homie? Our new teacher, Mr. Iwanami, asked me to bring you some handouts. But since I’m here, you feel like talking?”

I started off light and casual. After a few moments, the voice from the room barked a very confused “What?!”

“Saku…Chitose?”

He sounded like he was still trying to process what was going on. He and I had never even spoken before, so this must have been very out of the blue for him.

“What? Why? Why are you here, you man-slut shithead?”

Welp. Time to murder him.

I lifted my foot to kick the door in, but Yua grabbed me.

“Chill out.”

She whispered in my ear, giving me some of that boob-to-back action I’d been joking about on the bike. I put my foot down quickly.

“Yamazaki, hi,” she said. “I’m Yua Uchida, I’m in Class Five with you this year, too. Sorry to show up so suddenly like this. When we heard you hadn’t been to school in a while, we were both worried…”

“Uchida…? Aren’t you one of Chitose’s harem skanks?”

…Hey, Yua? That saxophone of yours is a fine instrument, meant for bringing joy to music lovers with its sophisticated sound. It is not a weapon meant for bludgeoning a certain potty-mouthed shut-in to death. Okay?

“Chill out,” I whispered in her ear, restraining her.

“I don’t agree with your descriptions of us, but yeah, we’re the Chitose and Uchida you’re thinking of. Anyway, instead of shouting through the door, why don’t you open it? It’s okay; we’re not here to lecture you about coming back to school or anything.”

“What? I’ve got nothin’ to say to a pair of dirty normies like you. Are you kidding me right now? Chitose, you dragged a girl here to win points with her by pretending to care about poor, underprivileged me? I bet the teacher forced you to come here, and you’re hating every second of it!”

Hate to say it, but he was right on the money.

Ah, but things were also going exactly as I expected. Disappointing, really.

“I’d be lying if I said the teacher wasn’t involved in this at all, but that’s not the main reason we’re here. We just wanna talk, Yamazaki. You know a lot about anime and light novels, right? Recently, I’ve started getting into that stuff, too.”

“Oh, here we go. A normie dips his toes into the world of otaku culture and thinks he’s sooo cultured and original! I bet you’ve never seen any anime that wasn’t some mainstream movie! Okay, if you’re really so interested, tell me which of these titles you’ve read!”

Then Kenta began reeling off a long list of titles like he was chanting some kind of curse. I caught a few of them: In the School Social Order, I’m Right at the Bottom! and I’m an Otaku Geek with a Hot Girlfriend! Honestly, I hadn’t heard of any of them, but I wasn’t sure if they were even real titles or if he was being sarcastic.

“…Sorry, no dice. I guess to you I would be a bandwagon jumper. You know them, Uchida?”

I looked at Yua, but she shook her head.

“Sorry, Yamazaki. I don’t really know much about light novels. I haven’t read any of those. But they do sound interesting; could you maybe lend me some?”

“Uh… I don’t think a popular, normie girl like you would enjoy them.”

Yamazaki had been a complete jerk through this whole conversation, but now he seemed to have remembered that he was talking to a girl—and a cute one at that. And Yua was being super polite, so perhaps that had disarmed him somewhat.

“Oh really? Well, I’ve read a few of the more popular boys’ manga. I’d like to see your bookshelves, Yamazaki!”

“Uh, no… My room’s a mess…”

“Then let’s chat through the door like this. If that makes it easier for you, I don’t mind at all!”

“Uh, but I don’t know what the bubbly kids like to talk about.”

I was glad he’d simmered down some, but we were still just going around in circles here.

“Actually, I’m more low-key compared to Chitose. I wish I was better at making conversation, too, but I tend to go blank, heh. Sorry I’m not a better conversationalist, Yamazaki.”

“Uh, no… From what I’ve seen of you at school, you’re a total girly-girl normie.”

“You think so? Maybe I’m just surrounded by people who stand out that way? But it sounds like you’re the type who prefers time to yourself over rowdy groups, right?”

“Uh…yeah.”

“I envy you. You have the peace and quiet to really get absorbed in your interests.”

Up until now, I’d been leaving the talking up to Yua, but I had to interject.

“Yamazaki, I’m glad you and Yua seem to have hit it off. How about if just the two of you chat for a while? No need to hold back. Yua and I hang out so often we have nothing to talk about these days anyway.”

“…Are you kidding me? Could you be any more of a supercilious dick? ‘Here’s my woman, you can borrow her for a while’…? I don’t want one of the used sluts from your harem anyway!”

“Ah, my bad, man. I didn’t mean it like that. Oh well, never mind.”

Actually, I totally did mean it like that. I was baiting him on purpose.

Another sucker. Like mother, like son.

Anyway, listening to their conversation gave me some ideas as to what might be the root cause behind Yamazaki’s abnormality.

Meanwhile, Yua was about ready to hit me with her sax for that little offer I just made, so it was about time to call it.

“All right, well, we’re leaving now. We’ll come back again next week.”

“Don’t ever come to my house again, you shithead man-slut.”

Oh, I’ll be back, all right! And next time, I’ll bring my baseball bat!

We told Yamazaki’s mom he wouldn’t open up to us after all, either, and left after receiving her profound thanks anyway. We also let her know we’d be back next week.

Outside, I looked up at Yamazaki’s window, figuring he would probably be watching us. But the curtains remained drawn.

Then we headed back to school to return Kaito’s bike.

“So what do you think, Yua? Did you glean anything interesting from your conversation with him?”

“Honestly, it cracked me up to hear him call you a shithead man-slut. But how dare he call me a harem slut!”

“Yeah, it would have maybe made more sense the other way around, right? …Ack! Stop! I told you—don’t squeeze my jugular!”

Yua let go and refastened her arms around my waist.

“Honestly, though, I didn’t really get a very positive impression of him. I don’t like to label people this way, but it was so obvious from our conversation that I can’t help it. He’s like the most stereotypical otaku you’ve ever seen, isn’t he? I mean, obviously he’s going through something, but that’s no excuse to be so nasty and rude to someone he’s never even met before.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

Personally, I was used to it. But Yua had not yet experienced an unprovoked attack from someone she barely knows. It’s par for the course when you’re a member of the in crowd, but it doesn’t feel great. Still, she held up well under the circumstances.

“Did you notice anything, Saku?”

“Hmm, yes, something very important. He hates my guts.”

“Yeah, I kinda picked up on that.”

“Waahhhhh…”

I pretended to bawl like a baby. Yua unhooked one arm from around my waist and thumped me on the back soothingly.

“There, there. You’ve still got your looks, Saku.”

“Nice save. Very classic.”

I couldn’t see Yua’s face, but it sounded like she was stifling a laugh.

The squeaking of the old bike’s wheels sounded like laughter, too.

The setting sun was dying the clouds all kinds of colors—from apricot pink, to deep orange, to burnt sienna, and then finally indigo blue. It went through a whole spectrum. Beautiful, like something out of a movie.

The shadows of the boy and girl riding double on the bicycle grew longer, too. They stretched into eternity—or at least into the rice fields. The textbook young-love scene.

That was like something out of a movie, too.

It felt like Yua and I could keep riding forever, never stopping, going wherever the road took us.

One Tuesday around a week after my first visit to Kenta Yamazaki’s house, I was chilling by the bike rack after school, waiting. My upper eyelids were playfully kissing my lower ones, like tentative lovers. Then they started smooching.

What I’m trying to say is that I was tired.

“Saku!”

Ah, here came Yuuko, D cups a-jiggling, one arm waving, her high voice snapping me awake. If any other guys caught a glimpse of this scene…Yuuko running joyfully to meet me…they would want to kill me. In fact, they’d immediately start plotting my demise. Death by fire? Water? An anvil to the head? What would be best?

“Thanks for agreeing to come with.”

“Not at all! Anything for you, Saku! So all we’re going to do is convince this Ken-something Yama-what’sit to come back to school, right?”

“It’s Kenta Yamazaki. Don’t act like such an airhead.”

I’d been mulling it over and asked Yuuko to come along this time. After explaining the gist of it to her, of course. Yua was nice and all that, but that was exactly why I couldn’t keep using her as my partner in this little endeavor. Last time had made that clear.

Before, my objective was to gather information. So bringing Yua along had been the right decision. But now I needed a cunning strategy going forward.

If I was going toe-to-toe with that twisted, complicated, broody guy, I needed a clear display of power. To borrow Kura’s words, I’m great at analyzing a situation and acting accordingly.

“It’s too far to walk, so I borrowed Kaito’s bike.”

“Oh, you did? Cool, cool!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Yuuko hopped onto the bike in a standing position, feet on the hub steps, hands gripping my shoulders.

“Tallyho!”

“Hey, have some dignity. You can’t stand up in a skirt that short. Everyone will see your panties.”

“Oh, but this is how riding double works! Anyway, what do I care if some randos see my underwear?”

“If you’re that cool with showing them off, perhaps I could have a glance?”

“No, you don’t get to look, Saku. You’re special.”

“Usually the special ones get to see.”

“Only when the timing is special, too.”

Ah, Yuuko, sneaky, sneaky.

I kicked away the bike stand, and we set off with Yuuko yelling “Wahoo!” and “Put the pedal to the metal!” Then she suddenly leaned forward, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I could smell her sweet body spray and feel her impossibly silky hair against my cheek. She was giving me serious boob-to-back action, too. Please stop that, Miss. Or I’ll never be able to get off this bike.

“You don’t smell as sweaty compared to last year.” Yuuko’s voice was right in my ear.

“Yeah, ’cause I quit baseball club.”

“Aw, boo! I used to like your post-sports stink. And I wanted to have more chances to cheer you on at games.”

Yuuko sat down on the luggage rack, probably tired from standing. This time, she put her arms around my waist. Because of my blazer, I didn’t get to feel the softness of her cheek pressing against my back.

“So, Yuuko, after hearing about Kenta Yamazaki, do you have any ideas?”

“Uh, I’m not good at stuff like that. I don’t even know. But you’ll figure it out somehow, Saku! You’re my hero, after all!”

“Hmm. Well, all I want you to do is just say whatever comes into that pretty head of yours. I’ll follow your cues.”

“Sure thing.”

What does it take to be considered a hero? And is that something you have to keep living up to your whole life through?

I mulled it over as Kenta Yamazaki’s house appeared in the distance, growing closer and closer.

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

No point emulating Yamazaki’s mom’s knock this time. I just rapped on Yamazaki’s bedroom door the way I normally would.

Speaking of his mom, apparently Yamazaki told her, “Those freaks are not my friends. Don’t let them in next time.” But clearly, Mrs. Yamazaki trusted in the power of school friendship over the words of her own son. We told her she could leave it all to us.

Oh yeah, she wanted to be off the hook.

She’d balked a little at first when I showed up with Yuuko, a girl twice as beautiful and showy as Yua. But with her natural charms, Yuuko soon won her over, and before long, it was like watching a loving aunt coo over her very own niece.

“Yamazaki, it’s Chitose again. I told you I’d be back this week, remember?”

There was no response from beyond the door. Actually, to be more precise, there was a sudden silence from beyond the door.

“Uh, maybe the silent treatment would work if we didn’t know if you were in there, but we know you never leave this room, so what’s the point? But fine, if you’re not going to talk to me, I’ll just entertain you instead by rapping the Heart Sutra! I’ve gotten kind of into it lately. Ready? Yo, yo!”

Shut-in or not, the kid was still a student of the elite Fuji High. He would know what the Heart Sutra was. Then I heard him speak, sounding crabbier than ever before.

“…Shut up. I told her not to let you in. You seriously came back?”

“Ouch. We’re your friends. We’re worried about you. Or at least, that’s what your mom thinks.”

“So you used your pretty-boy face to charm my mom, huh? Of course she’d believe whatever crap you told her over her own son. Is…is Uchida out there?”

Ah, so she’s graduated from “Chitose’s Harem Slut” to “Uchida,” has she? Yua, you really tugged on the guy’s heartstrings. I bet he’s been mentally replaying that precious five minutes of chitchat with you all week long.

Still, too bad. Have to get on with things.

“No, Yua had music club and couldn’t come.”

“…See? You popular normie jerks are all like that. She only came to win points with you. Then she got bored and dropped it. I freaking knew that would happen.”

Yamazaki was sulking.

Ah, he was so easy to read. Made my job a lot simpler.

“Yua’s not like that. She really was worried about you. If she didn’t have club, she would have come for sure. But today I brought a different girl with me.”

Yuuko took a step closer to the door. “Hello! I’m Yuuko Hiiragi; we’re in the same class. I heard you’re skipping school? That’s not good. You okay?”

Her voice was perky and lighthearted, a total sucker punch.

“…”

There was a long pause of about ten to fifteen seconds.

“…H-Hiiragi?! That Hiiragi?! Queen Skank of the Chitose Harem? What’s your game, bringing a floozy like that here? You trying to show off to your groupies?!”

He was underestimating me and how popular I was with girls. I knew I was hot stuff, and I sure didn’t need to assert dominance over a little shut-in like him to prove it. Also, I was embarrassed for him. No one uses terminology like floozy, harem, or groupies in real life. Unless they’re trying to be ironic.

“…Saku, what’s a harem skank? What’s a floozy?”

“When he says harem skank, he means close, personal female friend. And a floozy is, uh, a loose woman, I guess.”

Yuuko and I were whispering together.

“Hey! I’ll admit to being a harem skank, but I draw the line at floozy! I’m only loose for Saku, got it?”

Well, that’s good to hear!

Kenta Yamazaki did not like this.

“Yeah, you’ve gotta say that in front of Chitose. But everyone talks about you. You’ve done it with that Mizushino kid and that Asano kid from your group, too!”

“I have not! Kazuki and Kaito are my good friends! Saku’s the only one I might date. Anyway, who is ‘everyone’? Tell me. Explain yourself!”

“Everyone is…everyone. The whole school was talking about it.”

“I need names. If there are too many, then just tell me the name of the person you heard it from directly. So. Who told you?”

“…I don’t remember. But there’s no smoke without fire. No slut rumors without slutting.”

“Let’s talk about you, then. You’re a sweaty, shut-in high school no-show, obsessed with anime and light novels! I bet you’re a pedo! See, I can make up nasty rumors, too! Now, why don’t you open that door and show your face? We came all the way here; it’s the least you can do!”

Yamazaki fell silent. Yuuko was giving it to him straight and undiluted, and what’s worse, she had a point. He didn’t really have a leg to stand on.

If only he could own up to his flaws, there might be hope for him yet.

“Don’t push your normie values on me. I didn’t ask you to come talk to me. I’m not bothering anyone anyway, so just leave me alone!”

“Uh, no. You are bothering a lot of people. You’re bothering your poor mom and dad, your old homeroom teacher, your current homeroom teacher, Kura, Ucchi last week, and now me! Everyone’s worried about you; everyone’s trying to help you and taking time out of their busy lives to come and see you!”

Yuuko paused for breath before continuing.

“And the person you’re bothering most of all with your sulking and skulking in your room is our new class president, Saku! If you really don’t want to bother others or have anyone else worrying about you, then get your ass back to school, get your ass back to class, and freakin’ graduate!”

Finish him, Yuuko!

This was excellent entertainment. I wish I’d brought up some of Mrs. Yamazaki’s tea for refreshment. She’d upgraded to tea leaves since my last visit.

But Yamazaki himself still wasn’t backing down.

“Say what you like, but everything you’re doing is really for your precious Chitose, isn’t it? You and Uchida might be here to win points with him, but you don’t give a damn about me, do you? This is why people hate you!”

“Uh, excuse me, what’s wrong with caring for a friend? I came here because my friend Saku asked me to. That’s what you do when you have friends; you want to help them out! So yeah, I do want to ‘win points,’ if that’s how you wanna put it. If Saku wasn’t the one who asked, you really think I’d be here trying to convince some nobody I’ve never met to come back to school? What do I care?!”

“See? See? You normie scum rely on trampling us geeks to claw your way to the top of the hierarchy. Then you only pretend to care to make yourselves look virtuous! Once you’ve won points with whoever you’re trying to impress, you drop us!”

“Ugh, you’re impossible to have a conversation with! Like I literally just said! What the heck is wrong with that? Everyone wants to put on their best self when they’re around someone they like! And I’m not gonna lead other guys on when I’ve got a boyfriend!”

Yuuko had her face pressed up against the door, scowling with fury, probably picturing the guy she was arguing with.

“What I’m saying is: Don’t pretend like you’re interested in them in the first place! Being nice to guys will give them the wrong idea! Then you laugh with all your buddies, like, whoops, I was only being nice, and then he fell in love with me! Just leave us the hell alone! And you’re being played, yourself! You think Chitose likes you? Hah! He’s like that with all the girls! Including Uchida!”

“What’s that? So you’re admitting that a girl was nice to you once, and then in all your pimply, inexperienced glory you asked her out, and she turned you down? That’s it? If you think it’s only okay to be nice to people you’re romantically interested in, you’re never gonna make any friends, you know!”

“I didn’t…say that…”

Ah, it was all making sense now. The reason why none of his friends at school knew what was wrong with him. He had fallen for a girl outside of school. A girl who was actually popular, and he lost her to a guy who was equally popular.

Yuuko shot me a glance, then faced the door again.

“Also, I know that Saku is nice to all the girls, and that a lot of them like him! But it’s not just girls—he’s nice to everyone! I admire that about him! That’s why all I want is to be his number one someday! If he ended up dating another girl, yeah, I’d be crushed. Maybe I’d even take some time off school. But it would just show that I didn’t end up being the type of girl he likes! That wouldn’t be his fault for being nice to me, though! I’d never blame him, not even for one second!”

“…”

Kenta Yamazaki had fallen silent.

Ah, I really did make the best decision bringing Yuuko here.

Last week when I left this house, I had two options open to me.

The first was to continue to wear the mask of niceness with Yua at my side and keep coming by week after week until he finally opened his heart to us. Once he let us in, Yua would soothe him and cajole him back to school. Based on what I’d just seen, I’d give it about a 20 percent chance of success.

The other option was to find the root of the problem and deal with it directly. Classic and clear-cut, if also extremely annoying.

The first way would be effective, yes. And low effort. But it would have only been a makeshift solution. He probably would have gotten fixated on Yua, confessed his love to her, and then been shot down in a sweaty mess of pubescent disillusionment. And using Yua as bait that way…just wasn’t a very beautiful solution to me.

I had chosen the second option.

But that required getting our shut-in friend to spill his guts. Yua and I, working in tandem, could have pulled it off (maybe), but it would be time-consuming. I needed Yuuko to cut through the bullshit.

It was obvious Yamazaki had a chip on his shoulder about “normies” and popular kids. My bringing Yua seemed to get him really steamed, especially when I was being ultra-nice to him in front of her. He hated that. I figured that if I brought the school princess herself, Miss Popularity Yuuko, with me, she would enrage old Yamazaki until he blew up and spilled his guts in a blaze of self-pitying vitriol.

But to be honest, I never expected it to go quite this well.

“Yuuko, calm down. I understand how you feel, but you should take a step back, go downstairs, and pull yourself together. I’ll talk to Kenta.”

I gave Yuuko a “That’ll do” kind of smile and dropped her a wink for good measure. She gave me a billion-dollar smile back, plus a saucy wink of her own.

I watched as Yuuko clattered down the stairs, and then I called out to Yamazaki.

“All right, I see what the situation is now. But I think I can help you.”

“…Oh, is this the part where the generous, popular normie helps out the geeky, lovelorn otaku? Spare me! How dare you look down on me like that!”

Goodness, what a pill he was being.

When you start feeling like people are looking down on you, perhaps you should start by asking yourself if it’s not just because you’re looking up at them. Hmm?

“Anyway, can you open the door? This whole shouting-back-and-forth thing is getting old. Come down and have tea with your mom and Yuuko. Your mom will supply the teacups, and Yuuko will supply the D cups, if you get what I’m sayin’.”

“Go die! I’m never opening this door.”

“Never? No matter what?”

“I just told you: I ain’t openin’ it! Get lost, you slutty man-whore shithead!”

…I think I’ve earned the right to get a little angry by now, wouldn’t you say?

I went next door into what looked like the parents’ bedroom. Then I stepped out onto the balcony, which connected to Yamazaki’s. The curtains were closed tight in his room. I tried the window, but it was clearly locked.

Guess I made the right choice bringing you with me after all, eh?

I removed my metal baseball bat from the carry bag I had slung over my shoulder. The weight of it in my hands felt nice and familiar, and the grip was just right.

The balcony itself wasn’t very wide, so I didn’t have enough room for a full swing, but…

Batter up. Player number nine, Chitose.

Sorry to have to use you for something like this, old friend.

I stretched my arms out in front, then readied the bat. I focused on my target. It was the same routine I’d done so many times when I stepped into the batter’s box. I counted to three, loosened up, then swung the bat with all my might.

Crash!!! Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle…

The crash was much more muted than I’d been expecting. And the sound of the breaking glass was almost musical. And thus ended the life of Yamazaki’s faithful window glass.

It didn’t come close to knocking a ball into the outfield, but still, that felt good.

I did feel a little bad for the glass. I hope you get reincarnated as one of those glass marbles you find in old-fashioned soda bottles, to someday meet the lips of a young, fresh, high school beauty like Yuuko, I thought to myself.

“What. The. Hell?!”

A half-hysterical yell came from inside the room. Understandable. I’d be taken aback, too, if someone busted their way in through my bedroom window. The drama was warranted.

Careful not to cut my arm on the jagged pieces remaining in the frame, I reached through and unlocked the sliding door. Then I pushed it open, parted the curtains, and stepped carefully into the room, bat slung over my shoulder.

“You’re completely crazy! This is a criminal act! You’re a criminal!”

I shrugged, unfazed by his dramatic reaction.

“Oh, don’t you know the song? ‘Laugh Maker’? By the band Bump of Chicken? ‘You can’t be serious! I hear the window on the other side break as you take an iron pipe with a tearful face. I’ve come here to bring you a smile.’ It’s a sweet song. Kind of an oldie now, though. I’ll play it for you sometime.”

“What the hell are you talking about?! Are you for real right now? What is wrong with you?!”

“Oh, now, there’s no need to be so salty. I just told you, ‘I’ve come here to bring you a smile,’ dude.”

Man, am I the coolest guy in the universe or what?

Let’s go back half an hour, shall we?

“Mrs. Yamazaki, to return to my proposition, which would be easier to repair, the door or the window?”

Mrs. Yamazaki looked like she had no idea what to say. I plowed on anyway.

“Kenta’s not coming out, not unless we do something drastic. I’m sure he only meant to skip a few days of school in the beginning, but things have gone too far now. He’s missed his window of opportunity to emerge on his own. He knows he needs to do something before it’s too late, but after all the fuss he’s made, he’s too proud to come down and announce that he’s done renouncing school. So we need to create some convenient pretext for him, so he can act like he’s being forced to return. That way, he can save face.”

Mrs. Yamazaki still didn’t seem to be following me.

“So my proposition is that I break into his room by force, either by bashing the door down or breaking the window. That’s why I brought this baseball bat with me. Then Kenta can tell everyone: ‘Crazy Chitose busted into my room, so I had no choice but to give in.’ You see?”

Finally, the light seemed to dawn in Mrs. Yamazaki’s eyes. Her blank expression was replaced with anxiety.

“…I understand, Chitose, but won’t that make things worse? I don’t want Kenta getting upset. I would hate for there to be any violence…”

“I don’t think we need to worry about that. If Kenta really didn’t want our help, he would have put on headphones or something and just ignored us when we knocked or tried to talk to him. But he’s been quite chatty with us, actually. I think he’s looking for a way out.”

I wasn’t just saying that, either. Kenta Yamazaki wasn’t committed to his shut-in, school-dodging plan for the long haul. He was probably kicking himself for getting stuck in this position in the first place. That was why I needed to go hard now. I needed to go totally OTT on his ass.

“You won’t hurt him, will you?”

“It’d take a while for me to bash down the door. I’m sure Kenta will back away to a safe distance when he hears the commotion. And the curtains are drawn, so if I smash my way in through the window, he’ll be safe from any flying glass. But I recommend the second option. Repairing the window will be less expensive than replacing a door. And Kenta won’t be able to put up any resistance if I go in fast. Of course, I’ll pay to replace the window.”

I predicted that Mrs. Yamazaki would refuse to allow me to foot the bill if it came to that. But I was prepared to pay if necessary. I’d just have to hit ol’ Kura with an invoice and get reimbursed later.

“I couldn’t possibly take money from such good students who are doing so much for my wayward son! All right, I understand your plan, and I agree to it. May I ask you to opt for the window, though?”

Ah, all according to plan.

If this was a syrupy teen novel, you could expect me to sweet-talk Yamazaki through the door until he finally opened it of his own free will in an emotional, heartwarming scene. But I didn’t have the patience for that. And the end result would be the same, so who cares? I just prefer to cut to the chase. When I’m on the case, all roads lead to Saku-cess, after all. Heh.

“Thank you for agreeing to my plan; I know it’s a bit on the wild side. But I’m certain we can get Kenta back in class if I do this. Yuuko, when I give you the sign, can you head back downstairs where it’s safer? I think it will be better if I talk to him man-to-man, as well.”

I smiled at Yuuko, keeping my ulterior motives to myself.

“Okey dokey. We can have that tea together while we wait, Yumiko!”

His mom’s name was Yumiko? Must have missed that.

…So you see, everything was aboveboard. No criminal act here.

While I was trying to explain this, Yamazaki kept pacing the room. Sitting on the bed. Sitting on his desk chair with his legs tucked under him. Every now and then he made as if to interject, then shut his mouth again. He kept looking at the door furtively. Clearly wondering if he should make a break for it. It was quite funny, really.

“Just take a deep breath and calm down, Kenta.”

“Don’t say my name like you know me.”

He was much less feisty now that I was on the other side of the door. His voice had lowered a notch or three and taken on a tremulous quality.

“Remember what Yuuko said? Looking the other person in the eye when you speak to them is rule one of basic human communication. We’ve finally reached the starting line. We’ve finally both stepped into the ring.”

I was sweeping glass pieces into a corner of the room with the end of my bat as I spoke.

“Now, let’s try to understand each other here. I can tell you have a ton of things you want to say to me, right?”

Now that I was able to finally get a glance at Yamazaki—well, Kenta now—my suspicions were totally confirmed. He was the most stereotypical sad-sack otaku I’d ever seen.

He was extremely disheveled, the effects probably worsened by a long spell of being a shut-in. Dressed in slobby sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt, he had unkempt hair and scrubby stubble growing all over his face. But I tried to overlook that.

He wasn’t fat, exactly, but he was a bit round for his frame. Behind his unfashionable, cheap-looking glasses, his eyebrows were bushy and had clearly never felt the loving touch of a pair of tweezers. And he had a twitchy, restless air about him. If you looked up sweaty otaku, he’d be the first image result.

“Come on. No sense in clamming up now. If you’ve got something to say to me, you’d better get it all out.”

“…That swagger of yours, it’s all because you honestly believe you’re better than everyone else at the end of the day, don’t you? All you jocks are the same. Doesn’t matter what I say or how good my argument is. Guys like you just resort to using force. Pulling pro-wrestler tricks. Getting violent. You prey on guys like me. Anything to make yourselves feel superior.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong. Though, I guess me saying that kinda rings hollow after I just busted open your window. But I’m actually a totally peaceful kinda guy. I abhor violence. I’d never do anything to escalate a situation. Anyway, I’m confident I could best anyone in an argument using just my words. Didn’t I tell you? We’re both standing in the ring here. It’s going to be a totally fair fight from now on.”

I rested my bat against the desk and sat myself down on the chair.

Kenta was still watching me with suspicion and a touch of fear in his eyes.

“You’re pretty different when Uchida and Hiiragi aren’t around, huh? You decided to quit the whole ‘Look what a good person I am’ shtick?”

Hmm, he wasn’t totally wrong. I certainly wouldn’t want the girls to hear some of the truths I was about to lay on old Kenta. Especially not Yuuko. It would really spoil her shining image of me as the hero.

“I just changed up my angle now that we’re talking face-to-face and not through the bedroom door, that’s all.”

“W-well, let me warn you, if you get physical in any way, I’m calling the police.”

“Fine by me.”

I shrugged. Kenta hesitated for a second more, then sat himself down on the bed as if resigned to his fate.

“Fine, then. I’ll tell you what I think. Why not? All you popular kids shit on us unpopular ones like it’s your freakin’ birthright. Just ’cause you got to the top of the school hierarchy using your athleticism, your study smarts, your good looks…all stuff the universe just handed to you! Well, it’s not right! You should at least try to get to know who we are as people before you discriminate against us based on what we look like and who we hang out with!”

Oh boy, he’s mad.

But I could point out at least ten reasons why he was wrong.

“Don’t just assume that good looks, athleticism, and good grades are ‘gifts’ from the universe. Yeah, maybe until the end of elementary school, you can coast. But from junior high on, there’s good reasons why the popular kids are popular.”

I thought of my buddies as I spoke.

“You think Yuuko doesn’t spend hours every day working on her hair and makeup skills and doing her skincare? You think my buddies in the soccer and basketball clubs aren’t spending precious hours of their irreplaceable youth every day doing hardcore training? You think Yua didn’t spend two to three hours every night studying just to pass the exams to get into our school?”

“That’s just polishing up the skills and stuff they were born with…”

“Fine, let me put it this way. Would you quit an RPG just because your character has to start at Level 1? Would you call it a shit game unless your character started off at Level 99? We all have different initial stats, you know? Everyone’s got different parents and home environments. It’s not realistic to expect everyone to begin on equal footing.”

“That’s…a reductionist example.”

Kenta was mumbling to himself.

“Yeah, maybe. But it’s true. We all choose our own paths. That’s called having free will. We get to make our own destinies.”

“Easy for you to say, and for everybody else who’s got it made. It’s impossible to beat someone with natural ability, no matter how much effort you put in. Trying your best is just a waste of time.”

“That’s the kind of comment I’d only allow from someone who’s put their absolute heart and soul into something, worked their fingers to the bone and wrung out every last drop of blood, sweat, and tears, and only then failed to someone with natural talent who expended no effort. Even Ichiro, the best batter in all the world, puts an incredible amount of effort into his game, so much so that his major league teammates give him grief for it. And he’s been working that hard ever since he was in elementary school.”

“…So he was born with natural talent and then cultivated it a bit.”

He still wasn’t getting it.

Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say he was deliberately not getting it.

“Okay, have you ever even tried to work hard at anything? You talk about how some people are just blessed. About how you can’t win. But who are you trying to win against? Yeah, if it’s a competition to see who is the best in the world at something, then natural ability is definitely going to be a big part of that. But at our school, anyone should be able to get great grades if they just put a little work into it.”

“Oh, here we go. The whole, ‘Just pull yourself up by the bootstraps’ speech.”

“Am I wrong? Sure, some of us are more cut out for certain things. But it’s knowing that difference and going for the thing you’ve got more aptitude toward, and working hard on it, that defines real success. If you put in the time and effort toward something you’re good at, then results will follow. Like they say, once a child prodigy grows up, they just become average. Even if you succeed at something by coasting along on natural talent, that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to keep it up forever. You’ll be overtaken by people who work harder.”

I gave Kenta a meaningful smile.

“I mean, if you took all the time you’ve spent not going to school and applied it to, I dunno, solving the Rubik’s Cube or something…then by now I bet you’d be the fastest in the whole school at solving it.”

“…Oh, whatever.”

I caught Kenta smiling for a second. But he quickly blushed and looked away.

“Well, all I’m saying is that if you made it into our school, then you’re already ahead in terms of society. You know how many people failed the entrance exam? You do have abilities, Kenta. In the future, you’ll be able to walk into any job in Fukui Prefecture with Fuji High on your résumé. In fact, our school’s name holds more clout around these parts than some of the best universities in the country.”

Of course, Fukui’s a small, rural prefecture. So it’s not that big of an achievement in the grand scale of things. But what I wanted to get across was that Kenta wasn’t the loser underdog he thought he was.

“Huh. Maybe you’re right… Okay, so hard work does factor into it a little. But I can’t do anything about my shitty communication skills or my personality…”

“Yeah, when you prefer being alone, it’s hard to go out and try to become a party person. But I don’t think you need to go that far. And communication skills are easy to pick up. To put it simply, you can start with asking why, offering information about yourself, and finding points in common. Get it?”

“What?”

I coughed pointedly and put a little extra energy into my voice.

“Ah, man. I am hella sleepy today.”

I raised an eyebrow and gestured at Kenta in a “Go on, then” motion.

“…Uh… Uh, how come?”

“’Cause I have not slept in, like, a week. I’ve been up all night reading this really sweet light novel…”

I gestured to Kenta again.

“I… I like light novels, too…”

“You do?! No way! What genres are you into?”

“I… I like romantic-comedy-type ones…”

“There, see? We’re having a totally normal, functional conversation. It’s easy!”

I clapped my hands in an exaggerated manner.

“…The hell? You making fun of me?”

“Nah, man, I’m dead serious. This is communication. It’s all about trying to get to know the other person, about trying to get them to get to know you. It’s like a game of catch, see? You pass the conversational ball back and forth. Think back to your chats with Yua and Yuuko. You kept dropping the ball. ‘Why?’ ‘What?’ ‘I dunno’—you weren’t giving them anything to vibe off, see?”

“Huh, I guess you’re right…”

“And then you kept saying dumb stuff like ‘I dunno what the bubbly kids like to talk about.’ If you don’t know, then just ask. You wanna know what makes people tick? Ask them. And then tell them about the stuff you like.”

Kenta stared at me, uncomprehendingly.

“Yeah, but, Chitose… I thought you didn’t read light novels?”

“Oh yeah? Check it: I Was the Biggest Dork in School, but Then I Got Reincarnated as the Leader of My Own Harem in Another World!, I’m Handsome, but Only in a Parallel Universe?!, I’m a Huge Otaku, but the Slutty Girls Are All Up on Me?!, Is It Okay for an Otaku to Fall in Love?, I Joined the Popular-Kids Group and All of a Sudden I’m in High Demand!, The Most Popular Kid in School Is None Other than My Younger Brother!, My Hot Senpai Is Obsessed with Me, an Otaku?!, I Don’t Need to Be Popular, but at Least Let Me Be King of the Nerds!, I Can’t Get the Hot Girl’s Attention if All I Do Is Hang Around with Otaku Scum!, In This World, Geeks and Normies Have Switched Positions!…”

I finally paused for breath.

“…Why do they have such long titles? Thought I was gonna die listing those off.”

“Those are all the ones I mentioned last time.”

“I’m actually a big reader. But let me know next time how long each series runs. Each one of those had at least five volumes out to date. It took me the whole freakin’ week to get through ’em.”

“…What? You read them all in one week? Yeah, right. Well, prove it, then. Answer these questions.”

Then Kenta started shooting questions at me. He wanted me to provide the character lists for each series, plus describe random chapters. But I was up for the challenge. As I said, I spent all week reading them. There wasn’t a question he had that I didn’t have the answer to.

“…I seriously don’t get you. The heck is your game? Why are you so desperate to be friends with me?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Being friends with you would provide me with zero social benefits. I just want to get your ass back to class. I have no other motivations whatsoever.”

“Then why…all this?”

“You know, I hate people who make zero effort to get to know the first thing about someone or something, then jump on what they’ve heard secondhand from people talking shit and use that to try to drag that person or thing down. Actually, the books were pretty interesting. I couldn’t put them down. I can see why you like them now. Like I said, communication is all about actually wanting to get to know the other person. That’s where it starts.”

Kenta fell silent. I guessed he was in shock.

“And there’s something I want to ask you. You just said something pretty interesting. What was it? ‘You should at least try to get to know who we are as people before you discriminate against us based on what we look like and who we hang out with,’ right? Fine. Then out of me, Yua, Yuuko, and you, who was discriminating against whom based on looks and friend groups? Hmm?”

“Yeah, but…”

Kenta’s lips flapped for a few seconds, but then he fell silent again.

I picked up a book on world history from his bookshelf and idly flipped through it.

“You know, in elementary school, I was hooked on that book series…The World’s Greatest Figures from History. Did you ever read them?”

I wasn’t thinking too hard about it when I threw out that question.

Kenta shook his head, confused by the sudden change of subject.

I continued, half messing around.

“One of the great men I admired, he had an interesting childhood. This young man was blessed with all kinds of natural gifts. He was so beautiful he was mistaken for a girl sometimes, got the best grades, and beat all the other boys at sports. But he never let it go to his head. He was nice to everyone, boys and girls alike.”

Kenta interjected then.

“What are you talking about now? I don’t follow…”

“Just listen. This will help us understand one another more. So what do you think of the boy so far, Kenta?”

“What…? I guess…from what I’ve already heard, he sounds like a jerk. He’s got to have some kind of flaw, though. At least one, right?”

Ah, he was so honest.

“Yeah, a lot of people would probably feel that way. And actually, they did. The kids in the boy’s peer group started picking on him, looking for a weak spot. He was just too perfect, you know? If he got a ninety-nine on a test instead of one hundred, they would tease him about it. If he had a stray thread hanging loose on his school uniform, they would mock him. They even made fun of his laugh.”

“Sounds like he deserved it. Anyway, kids are jerks. And getting one question wrong on a test doesn’t change the fact that he’s smart in school.”

“Like I told you, they were nitpicking whatever they could find. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. They hated this kid. They were like crabs in a bucket. They couldn’t ascend to his level, so they dragged him back down with them.”

I took a pause for effect then, looking at Kenta.

“So what do you imagine the boy did next?”

Kenta pondered it for a second. “I guess he started fighting back and giving as good as he got. After all, he was naturally gifted, right? All he had to do was assert dominance. Yeah, I bet he was pissed.”

“Nope. The boy decided to lower himself down to the level of his inferior classmates. He made deliberate mistakes on tests and screwed up on purpose during gym class. He made himself just like the others. He figured that if he stopped standing out, he’d stop being singled out.”

“…Well, that’s not really fair. It wasn’t the boy’s fault his classmates were jerks. He still should have been able to be himself.”

“It’s always the unremarkable ones who try to drag down the remarkable ones.”

I returned the history textbook to the shelf. Then I wandered over to my bat and began to idly stroke the handle.

“So then the boy stopped being picked on?”

“No, sadly not. The situation only got worse. Now that he was making even more basic errors, the mocking got worse. His tormentors were more determined than ever to hammer him down into complete submission.”

“Yeah, that’s just bullying, then. But the boy triumphed in the end, right? I mean, he was that remarkable, wasn’t he?”

I fell silent, rubbing my chin before continuing.

“In the end, a certain schoolteacher noticed the boy’s plight. She saw how the other kids were excluding him, and she took the boy aside to speak to him. She said: ‘A boy like you, blessed with all these gifts, ought to be standing in front of the class and serving as an example to the others. You may wonder why you’re the only one who has to put in this much effort, but the other kids—well, they’re wondering why you’re the only one who has all these gifts.’”

I paused to exhale a little. I was getting a little fired up here. I had to make sure to keep my voice cool and steady.

“‘…So you have to fly even higher. You have to run even faster. Until you become a real hero, the kind who inspires the others to follow along behind you…’”

“…Sounds like a good teacher.”

“So the boy stopped trying to hide his talents and focused on being the best he could be. Until he became someone so awesome that he was admired by everyone. And he lived happily ever after. The end.”

Yeah, the boy realized that by trying to fly under the radar, he was only putting himself in range of the losers around him, who kept trying to grab him and drag him down by his feet.

He had to fly higher…faster…until he was so far out of reach that the simpletons would look foolish trying to catch him. He had to shine—bright and beautiful.

Like the moon in the night sky.

Like a round glass marble trapped inside an old-fashioned bottle of Ramune soda pop with a lid you can’t take off. I read something like that in a book once.

He had to go so high and so far that when he finally looked behind him, he wouldn’t even be able to remember why he had gone so high in the first place…

“I see. So which great figure did the boy grow up to become?”

“He grew up to be the great, the exalted, the legendary…Saku Chitose.”

“You?!!!”

“By the way, I mostly made up that story on the spot. It’s, like, ninety percent fiction. Good, eh?”

“Why’d you make it sound like it was some sort of morality tale?! And which part of it was true, then?!”

“The part about me being great.”

“Quit wasting my time, asshole!!!”

“Well, now, I think we’ve learned the important thing about trying to better ourselves and not just drifting through life, haven’t we?”

I folded my arms, sounding purposely pompous.

“I feel like an idiot now. I can’t believe I actually fell for your dumb story. But… Well… It wasn’t completely fictional, was it? I guess you went through some stuff, too, Chitose. So… Sorry. All right. You’re right. I had preconceived ideas about you all. I made you out to be the bad guys without knowing you.”

This is the kind of guy who reads too much into an anime series that has a vague, lackluster ending and calls it a masterpiece based on all the things it blatantly isn’t.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve seen the light. So you feel like talking now?”

“…I guess. At least, I’m open to hearing what you’ve got to say.”

I smiled in my mind.

“Great, thanks. I wanted to ask you a few things, to clear up some misunderstandings. First, about those light novels you love that all feature awkward losers. Yeah, as fiction they’re enjoyable, but don’t get them confused with reality. Okay, they do mention a few skills you’ll probably need to become popular, but they over-idolize popularity. And they also demonize it. It’s not realistic. They need to skip over stuff and simplify for the sake of the story, you know?”

“I know it’s fictionalized, but popular kids are like that, aren’t they? They’re the winners in life.”

“I see. So that really is how you view it…”

I thought about things for a moment.

Probably all the unpopular, gloomy kids felt like that, not just Kenta.

To clear up this misunderstanding for him, I was going to have to show a little of my inner self. I didn’t really want to, but I’d predicted this. Another reason why I brought Yuuko with me.

Still, Kenta was far from the point where he’d be able to read any deeper meaning into what I’d been saying. But this was a small price to pay for helping someone change their life. In taking on this endeavor, I was also taking on some small amount of personal risk.

I started talking again.

“So even if you think that popular kids are playing life on easy mode, it’s actually hard mode, way harder than it is for unpopular kids. Standing out kinda sucks. I mean, you know about the abuse I have to put up with on that underground website, right? Yeah… I mean, don’t get me wrong, being handsome opens doors, but it also makes people think they can say mean stuff about you, like that you’re a dick, that you’re a man-whore, and so on. I get that kind of stuff on the daily. As I recall, you even did the same…”

“I… I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s cool, I’m not trying to guilt-trip you about that or anything. I just want you to understand that there’s two sides to every story. I mean, here I am trying to help you out. And I got named class president.”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned that.”

“Yeah, but it’s like everyone takes it for granted that I’ll do whatever they need me to do just ’cause of that position. And that I’ll do it right, whatever it is. It’s a lot of pressure, and it comes from everyone, and there’s no way around it. I mean, would you like to have to go to the house of some gloomy shut-in you’ve never met to try to convince him to come back to school?”

“Uh, no. I really don’t like getting involved in other people’s business…”

Kenta screwed up his face as if imagining being in my shoes.

“Right? I tell you, you get that ‘class hero’ label slapped on you. And you end up having to be freakin’ perfect from then until the end of time. ’Cause if you slip up just once, they’ll be coming for you to drag you down into hell.”

“Like in the story you just told me.”

Kenta was following right along the trail of bread crumbs I was setting. Yes, he was following along real nice.

I continued.

“Compared to that, these otaku protagonists have it easy. If they screw up… So what? No one’s surprised. No one’s going to shame them for it. All they have to do is pull themselves together and have a normal conversation with a three-dimensional person, and they get praised and clapped on the back. They screw up, no problem. They succeed a little, and everybody loses their minds. Like I said, it’s life on easy mode. But for us? When we succeed, nobody cares, because everyone just expects it. We never get to earn any additional points. But if we ever do anything wrong, we lose all our points. It’s a rigged game. It sucks.”

Kenta was deep in silence, thinking about what I had just said. Then he spoke again.

“Okay, I get what you’re saying. But that only applies to, like, the most popular of all the popular kids, like you and Hiiragi, right? But the regular popular kids are just jerks, always trying to act so superior to all of us on the bottom of the ladder.”

All right, I’ll admit I’m exceptional. But he was missing my point.

“But it’s just an issue of categorizing people. Those lower-ranked people look at popular kids and think they’re all the same. But there’re so many levels to it. I don’t see kids who constantly try to get one over on the unpopular kids as truly popular. They’re just wannabes. I only acknowledge genuinely good people as actually part of the popular set. Jerks don’t make it to the top, no matter what kind of special skills or good looks they may have. I mean, take Yua and Yuuko. Were they mean to you? Did it seem like they were trying to put you down?”

“…No. They just talked to me, like we were equals. It was all me… I started off seeing you as the enemy without knowing anything about you, Chitose…”

“And do you know why the girls and I have been so decent to you?”

“Uh…no?”

“To put it in broad terms, it’s because we all feel confident in our place in the world. So we don’t need to point out the flaws of others and laugh at them when they screw up and act like we’re somehow balancing the scales. It’s not going to elevate our positions by doing that, and we don’t care to try anyway. We don’t need to look down on others. We don’t even need to look down. See what I mean?”

I lowered my tone a little as I continued.

“Dragging down other people won’t lift you any higher. It’ll just degrade you until you end up descending to their level.”

“…So you’re saying I have to work hard to change, until I can have confidence in myself?”

“Yeah, exactly. Forget the others. Focus on becoming someone you’d like if you weren’t you. Then you’ll automatically become a nicer person. And you won’t let other people’s opinions bother you anymore.”

Kenta was leaning forward, absorbed in our conversation. He was actually a pretty decent kind of guy. Most kids are so convinced they’re right about everything that they close their ears to the opinions of others. But not him.

“However… Can I say one more thing? At least for kids like you and Hiiragi…dating actually is on easy mode, right?”

“Hmm. Yeah, I can’t deny that we usually get to have our pick of romantic partners. But at the same time, it gets awkward when people we have zero interest in get clingy and start crushing on us. We’re just trying to get along with our classmates and have fun with our friends, but when someone starts catching feelings, it can end up biting us in the ass. When you turn them down, they start painting you as the bad guy. You try to distance yourself before it gets that far, and they accuse you of freezing them out. You can’t win. It’s like, sorry for being hot, y’know?”

I threw up my hands and shrugged.

“Yeah, I heard some girls complaining about that in my class last year. At the time, I thought…Popular sluts, go die! But when you explain it like that, I kinda get it. Relationships are complicated… I can kinda sympathize… But I mean…not completely.”

“Yeah, well, if it’s someone you don’t care about, you can take the hating on the chin. But if it’s someone you actually like and value as a friend who catches feelings and asks you out… Well, it sucks to have to wreck a friendship. It sucks to have to be like, ‘Please keep this platonic!’ you know? And also…”

I trailed off then for a few moments.

“And also, no matter how handsome you might be, or how good at sports you are, or how high your grades are, or whatever, it doesn’t automatically mean the girl you like is gonna like you back.”

“I guess not… But hey, Chitose…can I tell you about, you know, something personal?”

His voice lowered. Here it comes! One more push and over he goes!

“Nah, it’s okay. I already get what’s going on, more or less, and I don’t really care to know more.”

“What? But… But I was just about to bare my soul to you here…”

“You were in a group for otaku hobbyists. A nonschool group. There was a girl. Kind of a princess, but she was nice to you, so you started crushing on her. But she liked someone else—let’s call him Prince, uh, Jiro. Jiro steals your girl. Ever since then, you’ve felt totally inferior, and you didn’t want to be around anyone, popular or otaku. So you quit coming to school. Have I left anything out?”

Kenta was staring at me, lips flapping wordlessly, but I knew what he was thinking: How the hell did you know that?!

Dude, how can you seriously not see how glaringly obvious it was?

Yuuko and Nanase had been right on the money.

“…Wh-when I asked her out…she said…‘Excuse me? Are you delusional? I would never date someone like you. Don’t you even realize what your own social status is? Loser!’…”

“Yikes, man. I’m surprised you’re still able to even show your face in public after hearing something like that from a girl.”

“I’m literally not showing my face in public!!!”

I sent Yuuko a quick message through LINE and asked her to bring up some iced coffee and iced tea and leave it in front of the door. Kenta and I still had some talking to do.

“So what do you want to do going forward, man?”

I swirled the ice cubes around with my straw before slurping up the iced coffee noisily.

“The girl… Her name’s Miki… To be honest, I’m done with her.”

“You’re traumatized.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It was my first time ever liking a girl who wasn’t animated. But real-life girls suck worse than I suspected. I’m going back to my waifus.”

“What about school, though?”

“About that… I know I can’t keep going on like I have been. I’m going to end up screwing myself. With the shock and all, I just couldn’t make it to school at first, but once I recovered, I kinda missed my chance to go back. And I know how freaked out I’ve been making my parents…”

Mm-hmm.

It was just my guess, but it seems like shutting yourself away in your room while at the same time not being fully committed to throwing away your future…that’s got to be mentally taxing.

“So if you’re really willing to stick with me and teach me how to become popular, Chitose, then I guess I can go back to school.”

Kenta lifted his head, gazing into my eyes.

“Er, no way, dude.”

I shook my head firmly. Kenta’s jaw dropped open in surprise and remained just hanging there.

“What? But…but that’s how this is supposed to go…isn’t it?”

“Dude, think about it. My mission was to get you to agree to come back to school. That’s done now. But to be honest, even if I’d failed, it wouldn’t have affected me much. I only came here so I could feel good about swooping in and solving a problem. But who says I have to drag your ass around school with me and make you popular?”

“But…but that’s how it’s supposed to go…”

“Yeah, no. I’m under zero obligation. Sure, I could probably get you accepted into Team Chitose. But you’d only be depressed. Everyone else is way above your level, after all. The fundamental issue here, though, is that I don’t want to hang around with you at school.”

“Are you serious?! Are you seriously saying this to me? Right now? After all that?!”

“Grow up. You may be the main character in your otaku-to-popular-stud story, but that’s not my story. My story is a harem comedy starring Chitose himself. You’re just a little side character designed to show off my coolness to the readers. Your whole ‘Poor me, I can’t go to school’ plight is just a red herring to kick-start the story and get the readers invested. Go take responsibility for your own story, and write it how you want it to be, Sidey McSide Character.”

“Are you trying to be annoying?”

To be fair to him, he probably thought this was going to be a major life-changing event. The day that would change his whole life. But for me, it was Tuesday. I was here to do my thing, like always, and get results, like always. I probably wouldn’t even remember this when I was an adult.

This was my way of cutting him loose. It was better for him, to do it this way. He wouldn’t get anywhere in life hanging on to my shirttails.

Kenta had this look of abject shock on his face, as if he’d been transported to another world only to find that he’d turned into a hippopotamus.

“But I can see your predicament. You’re in a boat with a hole in the bottom, and it’s sinking fast. I’d hate to have to watch you drown. So I’ll throw you some tips. Enough to help you plug the hole, at least.”

“Why bother? You obviously don’t care if I sink or swim!”

“Do you want to drown? Huh?”

“…Fine. Help me out, then. It’s not like I have any other choice, after backing myself into a corner like this. Besides, I feel like I can, uh…trust you, Chitose.”

“Oh gee, thanks. Thanks for the opportunity to serve you, Your Highness.”

“All right, all right. Please, Mr. Saku Chitose, most popular and coolest guy in all of Fuji High. Please, please, take pity on this poor, lowly, shut-in otaku loser worm and share with him your wisdom.”

Kenta got down on his hands and knees, as if he had already abandoned all sense of self-respect. I could tell he still didn’t completely trust me, but after he had already allowed me to smash his window and lecture him at length on not judging a book by its cover…he couldn’t very well take a stand against me now.

I smirked secretly to myself.

Good. I was using Kenta to bolster my own image. So Kenta could make use of me, too.

“Very well. You may call me…King.”

“King!!!”

Aha, what a fascinating boy this Kenta really was.

“I’ll warn you, I don’t intend to be your mentor for very long. Maybe three weeks, tops. Let’s say, until the Golden Week holiday rolls around. I shall teach you the basics of living as a popular kid. After that, you must use what you have learned to further your growth by yourself.”

“Understood, King.”

“But you need some sort of goal to aim toward. Are you sure you’re over this Miki chick?”

“I’m done with her in the romantic sense. I mean, I’m still sad about it, I guess… And if I got the opportunity, I’d like to show her what she’s missing. Just a little bit.”

“That’s good. Simple is best. Let’s make her sorry she missed her chance. And let’s smash Prince Jiro as well. Bring him down a peg or two.”

“D-do you think we really could? …King?”

“Yeah, we’re talking about the prince and princess of some little otaku group. I’m the King of the Popular Kids, y’know? If you can’t manage to take them down after receiving my excellent tutelage, then that’s on you. If you screw it up, I’ll come after you. The only place you’ll have left to hide from me is inside your own mind. Got it?”

“You’re not a king… You’re…you’re…a demon!”

“And one more thing.” I slurped down the rest of my iced coffee. “You just said that real-life girls suck, right? That doesn’t sit well with me, Kenta.”

“Yeah, but that’s how I feel. It’s impossible to tell what real girls are thinking, and you have to worry about your looks and what you say around them. Animated girls are so much better. They just give you unconditional love; you don’t need to do anything special.”

“Are all you otakus like this? ‘Popular kids suck, real girls suck, the voice actress or idol I used to go crazy over got a boyfriend and now she sucks.’ That’s just sour grapes, isn’t it? If you can’t have something, you make yourself feel better by telling yourself it sucks anyway. Well, I’m about to open the door to popularity for you. Learn some humility.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Girls are so much better as abstract concepts. Once they’re three-dimensional, they’re nothing but a pain in the ass.”

“You just want a girl who won’t do anything to break your fantasies. You think having to be aware of your appearance and the things you say is a pain in the ass, but you need to master these things if you want to be popular and have an actual life. I know, what you need is an amazing girl to shoot for. It’s easier to work on being your best self if you’re spending time around a girl you want to impress.”

“No… I don’t wanna. Seriously. Real girls are scary.”

“…Yeah, well, you went all gooey over Yua, didn’t you?”

I paused, watching Kenta slyly as he began to sputter. “Wh-what? Yeah, right!”

Then I pressed on.

“Listen, Kenta. When I was reading those light novels you like so much, I really found myself falling for some of the female love interests. And all that stuff about the buildup to a relationship being the best part, and it being downhill from there? That resonated with me, man. And yeah, I know, girls can be a lot of work. But you’re missing the big picture.”

I got up from the desk chair and picked up my bat. Then I pointed it right at Kenta, the tip mere inches from his nose.

“Listen up, you maggot! Have you ever felt the softness of a real girl’s boobs? Do you have any concept of the variety in size, shape, and squishiness that is totally unique to each girl? Have you ever smelled the fresh, clean scent of a girl’s hair as you pull her into your arms? Do you know the velvety softness of her belly and hips when you slide your hands up her shirt? Have you ever tasted the salty tang of a girl’s neck as you run your tongue along it? Have you ever almost swooned when a girl leans in and licks your bottom lip? Have you ever experienced the anticipation that comes as you peer over a girl’s shoulder, fiddling desperately in an attempt to unhook her bra? Have you ever felt the rush of excitement that comes exactly seven seconds later (my personal max time frame) when you get that clasp at last and the bra pops loose and comes off in your hands? Have you ever even dreamed of these things?!!!”

“N-no…”

“Then nothing you say is valid, virgin! Fine, content yourself with animated girls! Rely on your limited imagination to color those fantasies! But never forget! Those 2D girls you so revere… They are flat! They are lifeless! They’re nothing more than paper!”

“They’re not lifeless! They’re alive in my mind!”

“But only in your mind. If you can’t bring them truly to life, then the only option for losing your virginity is to pursue real girls! But I have good news for you. You know Yuuko, right? You’ve seen her face. And her body.”

“Uh, yeah… Well, I’ve seen her around school. She’s hard not to notice!”

“Yeah, well, she’s kind of my harem slut. If I told her I wanted to do some cuckolding role-playing or whatever, I bet she might go along with it. She might not be thrilled about it, but I bet she’d be your first. Incidentally, here’s the specs on Yuuko… Super-plushy D cups. The very size that every woman in Japan considers to be ideal. So what do you say? Don’t you want to dive right in there and motorboat the hottest girl in school?”

“K-King…are you being serious right now?”

“The king never lies.”

“Yeah but seriously… Are you serious?”

“Seriously serious. So what do you say? Wanna motorboat?”

“Y-yes! I wanna motorboat! I wanna motorboat, King!”

“Do you like three-dimensional boobies?”

“I do! I do! I do like three-dimensional boobies! Forgive me for saying real girls suck!”

“Is your penchant for 2D girls a mere case of sour grapes?”

“It is! It is! Very sour, King!”

“Do you like boobies?!”

“I like boobies!”

“I can’t hear you! Louder!”

“I like boobies! I LIKE BOOBIES!”

“Louder!!!”

“BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOO-BEEEZ!!!”

“WHAT’S MY NAME?!”

“KING! KING! KING!”

“LOUDER! GIMME ALL YOU GOT! THINK OF YOUR POOR SHRINK-WRAPPED DICK!!!”

“I WANNA MOTORBOAT THREE-DIMENSIONAL BOOBIES!!!”

“SELL YOUR SOUL TO ME!!!”

“YES, KING! YES! BOOOBIIIEEESSS!!!”

“TOO BAD!! THOSE ARE MY BOOBIES!! GET YOUR OWN!!”

“Wait… What?”

“I wasn’t lying. You said yourself that she’s part of my ‘harem,’ and I never said she would do it, only that I thought she might. I made no promises of any kind. I just asked what you thought.”

“You…you really are a demon.”

After that, I brought Kenta downstairs. After all the fuss he’d caused, I think he was relieved to have an out and was determined not to miss this one chance.

“I hope Mom doesn’t start crying. I bet Hiiragi’s mad, too…”

He probably went over this repeatedly in his mind, during his long shut-in period. The moment when he finally emerges.

Not sure how to face people or what to say. Would his mom cry? Would she get mad? Would she eventually forgive?

I went first and opened the door to the living room.

“Oh, hey, Saku! All done?”

“Oh my! You’ve finally come out?!”

The two of them were sitting down here sipping tea like old buddies. His mom had major “We’ll be having curry rice for dinner tonight!” energy.

I was expecting this, though. That’s the thing about Yuuko—she can make friends with anyone.

Kenta had his head hanging low, looking sheepish. He kept lingering in the doorway. In the end, I had to haul him through. Gave him a smack on the ass for good measure, too.

“M-Mom… Sorry for all the worry I’ve caused you. Actually, I—”

“Oh, I heard all about it from Yuuko. You were feeling depressed about your love life, is that it? You might talk big, but you’re still just a little boy. I was worried something was really wrong! Now, you’ll be going back to school tomorrow, and let’s say no more about it.”

“Uh… Sure.”

Sorry, Sidey McSide Character. You don’t get any dramatic reconciliation scenes in my novel.

“S-sorry I was a jerk to you, Hiiragi. I don’t even know you, but I said some things…”

“Yuuko’s fine, you know? Anyway, Kentacchi, it’s all fine with me as long as you’ve already apologized to Saku, too.”

Yuuko grinned, waving her half-eaten cookie in the air dismissively. What was with that nickname? Made me think of fried chicken.

“But you should go and take a shower and shave your face, then change your clothes. You reek.”

“He does!”

And so ends the touching reunion between mother and son, who have not spoken face-to-face in months now.

Ah, so uplifting!

Yuuko being there was probably what spurred Kenta into action. Half an hour later, he reemerged, freshly showered, shaved, and changed into regular clothes. He’d even switched his glasses for contacts.

““Meh…””

Yuuko and I both spoke in unison.

“Hmm, maybe you should have kept the stubble after all,” I mused. “I thought your glasses were super dorky, but without them, your face has zero personality. Also, your hair is a disaster. I was going to suggest you get it buzzed off, but maybe a wilder look would be better…”

“Yeah, I could walk past you in the hallways every day and never even remember your face!”

“Wow, that’s really harsh.”

By the way, Yumiko had stepped out to go shopping for dinner by this point, so it was just us three. And dinner was to be, as I had predicted, curry rice.

Kenta hesitated. “But what about the outfit, though? I actually picked out all my best stuff.”

““Yeah, no.””

“Seriously?”

“Give us a break. Who do you think you are, Sid Vicious? Some punk rocker? What’s with the long-sleeve T with the English gibberish on it? What does that say? DEAD BOY? Try FAT BOY. And do you really need the skulls, crosses, and tribal designs? Are those wings on the back?! And that necklace. Did that come free with the T-shirt? Now the jeans—I thought those were all right at first, but are they boot-cut?! C’mon, boot-cut? Even by the most generous interpretation, you are not gonna be the one to bring those back, I can tell you right now! Oh, and did you see the checkered pocket lining? Yikes, honey. What is it with you otaku and check patterns? Do you have some sort of check pattern quota you’ve got to meet? I’m embarrassed to be associated with you, you walking fashion disaster.”

“Y-you don’t have to go quite that far, King.”

“Well, you’ve blown my mind, that’s why! If you’d come down here wearing the typical otaku uniform of a tucked-in checkered flannel shirt, jeans, and forehead bandanna, maybe I could have dealt with it, but this…? What do you think, Yuuko?”

Yuuko grinned.

“Hmm, well if you showed up for a date with me dressed like that, I’d have to kick you in the crotch and run.”

“Dude, is this what you’ve learned from your light novels with loser protagonists? All right, we’ll have to take you shopping at Lpa next weekend. I’ll show you how to pick clothes that look good. You coming, Yuuko?”

“I’ll be there if you are, Saku!”

By the way, Lpa is the biggest shopping mall in Fukui City. It has clothing stores and other home goods–type stores, but it also has a movie theater, an arcade, karaoke, and even a Starbucks all in the same complex. It’s where basically everyone in Fukui comes to hang out on the weekends and holidays. Lots of junior and high school kids go there on dates, too. College students, too. And lots of families. Everyone knows it. What I’m saying is that it’s the place to meet up and hang out.

“Thank you. You’d spend your weekend on me? That’s so kind. Because I really have no idea what kind of clothes to choose. Can I wear this to the mall, though?”

““No. School uniform.””

Yuuko and I both spoke in unison again. The guy was a mess, I won’t lie, but he definitely had potential to improve.

“For now, we can’t let you go back to school with that hair. Let Yuuko cut it for you.”

“Er, you want me to let Hiiragi cut it? I mean, uh, Yuuko? She doesn’t look like the…steady-handed type.”

“How rude! I’ll have you know, I’m as good as any salon! Anyway, Saku already asked me. I have my haircutting scissors, plus my thinning shears, and even my barber clippers in my bag! While I’m at it, I’ll trim those brows for you as an extra bonus, too.”

Yuuko rummaged around in her bag, showing off her tools one by one.

“Relax. I can vouch for Yuuko’s steady hand. She’s cut my hair a bunch of times. What kind of hairstyle did you have before you started skipping school?”

“It was kind of long all over. With bangs that covered my eyes.”

“Yuuko, give him a really short cut. With a skin fade.”

“Aye, aye, captain.”

“Isn’t anyone going to ask my opinion?!”

We stepped out into the small yard. It wasn’t anything special, but Kenta’s mom or dad or both had clearly been caring for it, and it was pretty nice out there.

A cool evening breeze had started up while Kenta and I were talking in his stuffy room together, and now it was quite pleasant out. The twilit sky was tinged with a crimson hue.

Yuuko spread out some old newspapers she’d found in the house, then plonked one of the dining chairs down on it. Then she got out a plastic bag she’d asked Yumiko for earlier, folded it into a semicircle, then cut a small hole in it to create a haircutting cape.

I turned to Kenta, who was hovering about behind us.

“Listen, only hot guys like me can get away with having floppy hair that falls in our eyes. The most important impression guys need to make is neatness. If you’ve got a face you feel like hiding, the best thing to do is buzz your hair short and own it. But your face isn’t a disaster, so I’m going to have Yuuko give you an undercut and leave it a bit longer on top. You’ve got a natural-curl type of situation going on, so it’ll give you some character without looking too wild.”

“Oh yeah, I totally agree. Now, Kentacchi, sit down and put this on.”

Kenta sat down obediently on the dining chair. Yuuko stood facing him and plonked the bag hole down over his head. It looked like she’d forgotten to cut him any armholes, though.

“You look like a rogue samurai who’s seen better days. And in that cape, you look like a decapitated rogue samurai who’s seen better days.”

“Ew, gross! That’s so funny!”

“…”

But I knew that Kenta’s sudden silence wasn’t because of rage. It was because Yuuko’s chest was right in his field of vision. And he was trying to surreptitiously inhale her scent. I could see his nose twitching.

Still, I could let him have this.

“Now, let the snip-snapping commence!”

Yuuko’s scissors flashed as she immediately began cutting off the long strands around Kenta’s jawline. First, she was getting rid of the length roughly, so she could shape it afterward.

“You’re cutting off an awful lot… Can’t I have a mirror so I can at least see what you’re doing?”

“All a mirror’s going to show you is a pasty, unhealthy-looking shut-in of a boy. And besides, you have no right to question Yuuko’s abilities. So pipe down.”

“Aw, it’s okay, Kentacchi. First time for you? Just close your eyes and leave it all up to me. I’ll even throw in a free head massage!”

Yuuko, please. I know you’re oblivious, but you’re going to give the poor virgin a heart attack. And I still have some important things to discuss with him. Wanting to distract Kenta, I started talking to him again as Yuuko continued her work.

“So you’re coming back to school tomorrow, agreed?”

“I guess asking for a little more time is out of the question, King?”

“Hmph. It’s out of my way, but for the first few days, I’ll pick you up in the morning, and we can go to school together.”

“You’re not going to back out on me, though, are you?”

“Listen, there’s only so much I can do for you in three weeks. Whether this is effective or not really depends on how much effort you put in. First, you need to improve your communication skills. We’ll start off by getting you back to school and woven back into the class. Then our goal will be for you to have a normal conversation with a popular kid without freaking them out, okay?”

“That’s all? Hah. That doesn’t sound so hard.”

“Then why haven’t you been doing it all along?”

“…My bad, King. Please continue.”

Yuuko was focused on haircutting. She could hear what we were saying, but it was clear she was leaving everything else up to me.

“Just so you know, if you’re hoping to reach the level of people like Yuuko and me, then you can keep on dreaming. Maybe in a fictional world, you could do it if you had, like, a year. But this is reality, and it’s not a matter of how much time you put into it. Being able to enjoy conversations with other students and live a normal high school life is the best it’s going to get for you. If you still want more after that, that’s on you. But don’t think any amount of instruction is going to get you there.”

Kenta nodded obediently. Whoa, don’t do that; you’re gonna mess up Yuuko’s handiwork.

“One other thing we need to worry about is your appearance. That’s why we’re giving you a haircut, and why we’ll take you to Lpa. I’m going to guide you, but you need to put in the work yourself to fix that bloat you’ve got going on. You’re not chubby enough to make it part of your character, so you’ll need to slim down some. Have you been at that weight since before you quit going to school?”

“No, actually, I used to be more on the skinny side.”

“That’s all right, then. I’ll write up a meal plan and a training plan for you. But make sure you put in the work. I’m not going to put you on keto or anything, but you’re going to cut out the refined carbs. And we’ll go heavy on the cardio, plus some strength training, the kind that will show the fastest results. If we don’t fix your hair, clothes, and get you back to your fighting weight, then there’s not much I’m going to be able to do.”

“Well, my body type and metabolism aren’t really under my control…”

“I know, people have different bodies. But it’s calories in versus calories out, basic thermodynamics. Don’t try to make excuses. And anyway, if you’re usually skinny, then a little exercise and a calorie deficit should have fast results. Time to get up and work.”

I knew how it was, though. I’m the type who packs on muscle fast with a little exercise, but once I stop, that bulk immediately goes to other places. There’re some folks out there who don’t get fat even if they eat the house down, but they also can’t put on serious muscle no matter how hard they go in the gym. You have to work with your body type, but you can’t use it as an excuse.

“Yeah, but…”

“But, but, but. Enough buts. I hear one more but from you and you’re getting a buzz cut. All you’re allowed to say from now on is: ‘Yes, King,’ got it?”

“…I’ll give it my best effort, King.”

“And give me your phone. Unlock it first.”

“…You’re taking my phone…?”

“Yuuko, hand me the clippers.”

“Here you go!”

“…Sir, yes, sir!!!”

I grabbed the phone from Kenta’s trembling hands and immediately started looking through it to see what kind of apps he had. There was nothing there that came as any kind of a surprise to me. I sighed with disgust.

“Kenta, starting tomorrow, you are forbidden from using Twitter, 5chan, and that goddamn school gossip site. No posting, no scrolling. In fact, don’t even look at them. Got it?”

“But those apps are about fifty percent of what sustains me! How long until I can use them again?!”

“Until you learn how unproductive it is to trash-talk people on the internet that you don’t even know. But to say thanks for introducing me to those light novels you like, I’ll lend you some mainstream novels. Make sure you read them carefully.”

“Mainstream novels? They’re so hard to read, though…”

“Don’t be a wet blanket. You can learn a lot from reading someone like Raymond Chandler. Any hard-boiled fiction, in fact. Really cool, popular guys are driven by more than the desire to be popular. A man should learn about philosophy and aesthetics. But I warn you now, if you leave my books lying open facedown on the floor or dog-ear the pages, I will murder you with my bare hands.”

“I…I would never do that to a book. You don’t have to worry about that with me.”

“I’ll also give you a list of movies and TV shows that feature cool male protagonists. You should sign up for one of the streaming services. But you don’t need to just consume everything I tell you to. You should find your own heroes to emulate. Even light novel protagonists are fine. Just find someone to use as an example.”

“A hero to emulate, huh…? I’ll have to think it over.”

I guess that wraps up everything for now.

Snip-snip.

Yuuko had a very serious, un-Yuuko-esque look on her face. Kenta, meanwhile, seemed on edge and was staring at his own knees. He clearly wasn’t sure where to put his eyes. It wasn’t like he was ever going to get a second chance at being this close to Yuuko. He could at least have made the most of it.

Snip-snip, snip-snip.

The sound of the scissors was almost rhythmical.

It was a strange evening.

Here we were, Yuuko and me, two of the best-known kids in the school. Hanging out with Kenta, who was almost completely off everyone’s radar. Yuuko was cutting his hair while I was teaching him how to live. A series of strange coincidences seemed to have led us all here. Or perhaps it was a series of bad decisions that had led us all here.

It was definitely a strange sort of miracle, though. Like finding a golden ticket in the very first candy bar you ever bought with your very first allowance.

Yuuko had gotten the clippers out now and was cleaning up the sides.

“All done! What do you think, Saku?!”

“Hmm. From a disgraced samurai to a hippo emerging from the water with weeds on its head. It’s an improvement, at least.”

“Hey!”

“Uh…”

It wasn’t really Yuuko’s fault. She didn’t have much to work with.

“Let’s work on your frame, okay, Kenta?”

When Yumiko got home from shopping, she made a serviceable yet still comforting meal of curry rice for us all. We agreed to stay for dinner before we headed home.

Of course, Kenta had his curry served over a bed of cabbage. And we made him pick out all the potatoes. Simple carbs, after all, were not part of the diet plan.