Chapter 2: Love’s Arrow

Chapter 2:
Love’s Arrow

 

DECEMBER TWENTY-THIRD. Clear skies. I woke up feeling great, so refreshed that I almost couldn’t believe it. Even though I’d just gotten out of bed, I felt as though I was still dreaming.

I felt different. What’d changed, exactly? If someone asked me, I’d have said nothing at all. But that wouldn’t really have been true. There had been a change. A dramatic one.

I, Karuizawa Kei, was now free of my horrible past. No, that wasn’t it—it was more like I’d gained enough power to overcome that past.

It’d happened yesterday, after the second semester’s closing ceremony. Ryuuen Kakeru summoned me to the roof and bullied me viciously. It sounds lame when I say it like that, but it’s the truth.

Faced with his cruelty, I hit rock bottom. I thought I was cursed, doomed to hell once more. I’d run to this school in search of salvation, only to be trapped all over again. I learned shocking things that day on the roof. I learned that Kiyotaka had goaded Manabe and her friends into bullying me. At first, I felt despair. Then anger.

But, in the end, I was saved. By Kiyotaka.

When I left the roof, the former student council president and Chabashira-sensei were waiting for me. They didn’t say much, but they were considerate, taking care to avoid attracting attention. If it weren’t for them, I probably wouldn’t have made it back to the dorms. They told me that they were acting on Kiyotaka’s instructions. Maybe they knew that was the only way to put me at ease.

I thought of what’d happened on that rooftop. If I’d had the power to shake off my past, I wouldn’t have been afraid. No one would’ve discovered who I was in junior high.

But that wasn’t really true, was it? This was my fault, too. I’d acted arrogant to make myself look big and strong. No wonder Manabe and her friends had hated me. My attempts to save myself from bullying just got me bullied again.

“Ahh,” I sighed. Not a bad sigh, exactly. A sigh filled with emotion? I didn’t know how to describe it. I was certain of only one thing—whether I was asleep or awake, Kiyotaka was always on my mind. Since yesterday, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Even though I didn’t have a fever, I felt hot. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress that heat.

Ayanokouji Kiyotaka. First year, Class D.

At first, I hadn’t noticed he even existed. He was just a background classmate, that’s all. Some classmates thought he was cool or whatever, but I wasn’t interested. Besides, they forgot Kiyotaka soon after. You had to be able to talk to people to be popular, and Kiyotaka lacked that skill. It didn’t matter how good you were at school or sports—if you couldn’t make others want to follow you, you’d never have a lot of influence. That was why Yousuke-kun, Class A’s Tsukasaki-kun, and Class B’s Shibata-kun were way more popular than Kiyotaka.

As it turned out, though, the real Kiyotaka was a good talker. He was smart, mature, calm, and so good at sports that he even held his own against seniors. He was also unbelievably strong.

He could be cruel and coldhearted, too, but…well…he’d still saved me in the end.

“Huh?!” Wait a minute. Had I…? Don’t tell me that I… For Kiyotaka… “No! No, no, no! No way!”

I held my hands over my beet-red face and shook my head. Blushing like this, I was acting like a fairy-tale princess in love for the first time. I mean, I would’ve liked to fall in love. But…part of me just didn’t want to admit that I thought about Kiyotaka that way.

“Yeah. There’s just no way. I mean, it’s because of him that all those bad things happened to me.”

If anything, Kiyotaka should’ve been grateful that I wasn’t holding a grudge. Stealing my heart, on top of everything else? I couldn’t forgive such selfishness.

I brushed my messy hair in front of my mirror, wondering whether a normal person could’ve forgiven Kiyotaka for everything he did. Probably not. Actually, it’d be impossible. They’d definitely bear him a grudge. Only a person with a generous heart, like me, could forgive such a thing. Just be satisfied with that, Kiyotaka.

As I talked to myself, I tried to shake off my wild fancies. I didn’t know what to say when I was actually in front of him, though. I couldn’t tell Kiyotaka that I already forgave him. Maybe I should give him a hard time? Let him know I was angry that he used me?

While I thought about that, a message popped up on my phone. Today at eleven. I’m counting on you, Karuizawa-san.

“Ah, yeah. That thing.”

The text was from my classmate Satou Maya. She’d told me that she wanted to meet up and get some advice from me. Satou-san and I belonged to different friend groups, so we didn’t usually interact all that much. Of course, it wasn’t that we didn’t get along. We did. But this was the first time she’d invited me to hang out alone.

“Despite everything, I’m feeling pretty good,” I said to myself.

Given that I’d had buckets of water dumped over my head in the freezing outdoors yesterday, I was proud of how well I was holding up. I’d taken a hot bath right after, but a normal girl probably would’ve caught a cold. She might’ve slept for three days and nights after torture like that.

“I’m just used to that kind of treatment, I guess.”

The self-deprecating joke slipped out almost too easily. I thought I’d changed who I was, but really, I hadn’t. I’d been terrified of bullying ever since I started at this school, and that darkness had always been there, deep in my heart.

Now, however, I saw everything clearly. Maybe I could change.

I took off my pajamas and stood in my underwear. I couldn’t stop looking at the scars on my body, but they didn’t bother me as severely anymore. It was unbelievable how much I could change in one day.

Still, I absolutely couldn’t let a boy glimpse those scars, since girls should have soft, smooth, beautiful skin. I’m sure the sight would cool even the hottest love. Although…

Kiyotaka was different. He’d looked at my scars without disgust. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to say how repulsive they were. Or maybe it’d been, like, really dark in that room on the ship. Or maybe he was too busy intimidating me to be grossed out.

Maybe, deep down in his heart, he thought I was disgusting. Or…maybe he didn’t.

As I went over the memory again and again, I realized something. “Wait. He touched me, didn’t he? He put his hands on me.”

It hadn’t really sunk in back then, but that’d happened, hadn’t it? He touched my thighs. I’d never even held hands with a boy before. What in the world had he done to me?

“Augh! Jeez! I’m thinking about it again! I’m such an idiot!”

Enough with this! For the time being, I banished all thought of Kiyotaka and got dressed.

2.1

 

I WAS RUNNING LATE at this point, so I had to hustle. Students on winter vacation crammed Keyaki Mall, making it way more crowded than usual.

“I guess that makes sense. There isn’t anywhere else to go,” I muttered to myself.

I made it to the café in the nick of time, waving to Satou-san, who waited by the entrance with her cell phone in her hand.

“Good morning, Satou-san,” I said.

“Ah, Karuizawa-san! Good morning!” Her eyes sparkled as she waved back. She must’ve just gone to the salon or something, because her hair was styled beautifully.

I hid my exhaustion. No one could know about yesterday’s torture on the rooftop. I had to be my usual cheery self, which was why I’d agreed to meet Satou, even though I could’ve turned down her invitation. Besides, I’d been curious about what she was up to for a while.

“Sorry for inviting you so last minute,” said Satou-san.

“Nah, it’s no big deal.”

“Whew! I’m so glad to hear that.”

Satou-san looked delighted as we entered the café. It was completely packed, but a group got up to leave, allowing us to take their spot. Perfect timing.

“Wow, it sure is a full house,” I remarked. It was absolutely crazy in here.

“I wonder if any classes have exams over winter break,” said Satou-san. It sounded like she was thinking the same thing I was. We first years had gone to sea on a luxury cruise ship over summer break, but this time around, there didn’t seem to be any special exams in the works.

I wondered whether the school was being merciful by giving us winter break off. Or maybe there’d be some kind of exam as soon as the new year started. I hoped not.

“If you haven’t eaten breakfast, go ahead and order anything you want. My treat,” said Satou-san with a smile. Taking her up on that kind offer, I ordered an American scone and a café au lait.

Satou-san and I sat down at our small table for two.

“So, what did you wanna talk to me about?” I asked. If she was paying me in food, it had to be a pretty big ask.

“Y-yeah. Here’s the thing. To tell you the truth, I…I’m gonna go on a date soon,” said Satou-san.

“A date?” I was surprised, but I kept my shock and minor anxiety in check.

“Yeah,” said Satou-san, her face turning red.

I had a bad feeling about this. If I wasn’t misreading Satou-san, her date was… “Uh, so, with who?” I replied. It seemed like she was waiting for me to ask.

“Well, with Ayanokouji-kun, actually. It’s…pretty surprising, huh?” She sounded embarrassed, but happy.

I heard a slight ringing in my ears, but tried to pretend I was completely calm. I picked up the scone and took a large bite. Some crumbs landed on the tray. The inside of my mouth was all dry from the flaky pastry, so I washed the scone down with the café au lait.

“Oh. So, you’re going after Ayanokouji-kun, huh? That definitely is a surprise.” I knew Satou-san had liked Kiyotaka for a while, but since we’d never discussed it, this was probably the safest answer.

“I know, right? I’m a little surprised too, actually. But remember that relay race during the sports festival? When I saw Ayanokouji-kun run, well, I felt my chest tighten. I started falling for him, I guess.”

Satou-san spoke with such excitement that it gave me secondhand embarrassment. She really did look like a fairy-tale princess in love.

“But he doesn’t really stand out, does he?” I asked. “I mean, this is you we’re talking about, Satou-san. I’m sure lots of other guys would be great for you. I dunno, maybe a guy like Tsukasaki-kun from that other class?” He was pretty handsome. A lot of girls were crushing on him at one point.

“I don’t think so,” Satou-san said. “It sounds like he’s going out with an upperclassman in his club.”

So, someone had already nabbed him. No wonder no one talked about him anymore. Male or female, celebrities always took a hit to their popularity when they started a relationship.

“Ah, okay. I see. Well, how about Satonaka-kun? He should be single now, right?” I asked.

“Well, I think he’s cool and all, but…I guess I just don’t feel that way about him,” Satou-san replied.

My attempts to suggest other, more popular guys weren’t making much of an impression on her. It didn’t seem as if she only liked Kiyotaka for his looks—not that he could compare to Tsukasaki-kun or Satonaka-kun in the looks department. Still, Kiyotaka was among the top-ten cutest boys in school, and Satou-san must’ve realized that fact.

A good-looking partner was a status symbol. Dating a cool guy or a cute girl was enough to boost your reputation. When I’d started “going out” with Hirata-kun, my star rose higher than I ever expected. If Satou-san started dating Kiyotaka now, her popularity might explode in the near future. If Kiyotaka revealed his real talents, his reputation might eclipse Hirata-kun’s.

Even though Kiyotaka had gotten a lot of attention from the relay race, he still wasn’t really popular with the girls—probably because of his quiet demeanor, plus the fact that he only ever seemed to talk to Horikita-san. Plus, most girls really disliked his guy friends, such as Ike-kun, Yamauchi-kun, and Sudou-kun.

In any case, Satou-san couldn’t have spoken to Kiyotaka all that much before. Now she was crushing on him just from seeing him in that relay race the one time? Wasn’t that kind of shallow? I knew Kiyotaka way better than she did. I knew his true nature. I knew the deep, dark part of him that Satou-san had no idea even existed.

Agggh! No, no! I had no reason to badmouth Satou-san. I needed to support her. Why? Because I was dating Hirata Yousuke-kun. I had no reason to block someone else’s path to romance. I had to be Karuizawa Kei, Hirata-kun’s girlfriend, leader of all the girls in Class D.

“Look, I know this might sound weird, but are you seriously going for him? For real?” I asked. The “real” Karuizawa Kei would ask that question in such a skeptical way.

“Yeah.” Satou-san answered without hesitation. She was determined. This wasn’t a prank.

“Well, it’s a good thing you found someone you like, right? Ayanokouji-kun should be single right now,” I said.

“That’s right. That’s why I thought this might be my chance. I felt like I had to hurry.”

It was the oldest tale in the book. You confessed your crush to a friend, and that friend snatched up the guy you liked. I understood why Satou-san was cautious. She probably figured that I was safe, since I already had a boyfriend who ranked higher in the class hierarchy than Kiyotaka.

Even so, I’d never imagined the two going on a date during winter vacation. Despite what’d happened on the rooftop, Kiyotaka really was going out with Satou-san, even though he didn’t seem interested in her at all.

Rip. I unconsciously tore open the paper wrapper on my straw.

“So, has our little chat got anything to do with your date?” I asked.

Satou-san’s eyes sparkled as she nodded. She was annoyingly radiant right now. “Yes. I just, like, wanted to ask what makes a successful date. You know? I wondered how you and Hirata-kun got together.”

Yousuke-kun and I were the only ones in our class who’d announced our relationship. If Satou had sought help from people in other classes, their response would probably have been something like, “Kiyotaka? Who’s that?” It made perfect sense that she came to me for help.

“Karuizawa-san, you started going out with Hirata-kun soon after we started at this school, right?” she continued.

“Yep. Well, I guess so. Yeah. It’s really not a big deal.”

“But it is a big deal. It’s amazing. I totally respect you!” Satou-san grasped both my hands in hers. “Please, teach me your ways! Your skills!”

“It’s not like a ‘skill’ or anything.”

I couldn’t give Satou-san the answers she was looking for. At the start of the year, I’d only just escaped the hideous bullying from my junior high days. I was determined to make my high school experience better, so I approached Hirata-kun and asked for his help. Looking back now, I was lucky he was such a good guy. It’d been a huge gamble. If he’d refused to play my pretend boyfriend, my life would’ve been very different now.

But Yousuke-kun was the kind of guy who genuinely wanted peace and harmony. If he could help me by pretending to be my boyfriend, he was happy to do it. I could tell he was a good person, which was why I’d chosen him.

Being his “girlfriend” worked out better than I ever could’ve imagined. Some other girls in class seemed jealous at first, but that went away soon. I remembered how the popular girls had acted at my old school and copied their behavior. I went out a lot, shopped indulgently, demanded that girls give me money. Before long, I was queen bee of the Class D girls.

And I was living a lie. Satou-san asked me to give her tips on romance, but I had none to give. How could someone who’d never had a boyfriend know the secret to dating?

I didn’t want to let Satou-san down. The old me would’ve faked her way through it, boldly showing off “knowledge” she’d come across in magazines or on TV. But I was changing. I didn’t want to disappoint Satou-san, who’d put her trust in me, but I was sick of playing an arrogant, self-absorbed girl. I wanted to tell Satou-san the truth about myself.

I couldn’t, though. I had to be Yousuke-kun’s confident girlfriend. I lived a lie to keep myself safe. But did I still need to live that way? Was fake-dating Yousuke-kun still necessary? These thoughts swirled through my mind.

Manabe, Ryuuen, and their friends had been a real threat to me, but Kiyotaka took care of them. Now, no one would ever know I’d been bullied in the past. Even if something did happen down the road, I believed that Kiyotaka would save me.

Being Yousuke-kun’s girlfriend came with a ton of advantages, but I wouldn’t instantaneously lose my position in class if I stopped seeing him, right? I mean, asking Yousuke-kun to “break up” after I’d asked him to “date” me would be pretty lame, but I had a feeling it’d work out well. If it did, I’d be single and free…and able to go after my true love.

Wait—I couldn’t think about this stuff right now. Satou-san was waiting for me to give her an answer. I could ponder my fake relationship with Yousuke-kun later.

“So, you don’t want this to be—like—something casual, do you?” I said. “You’re saying that you want a serious date with Ayanokouji-kun. Something that’ll make you an official couple, right?”

“Yes,” she answered. She wanted Kiyotaka to fall for her tonight. “What should I do?”

“Let’s see…” Think. How to help Satou-san start dating Kiyotaka?

I had no idea how to make a guy fall for you. Besides, Kiyotaka was clearly different from other guys. Would a normal romance even satisfy him? Or maybe he was the sort of guy who secretly longed for a normal romance. It was hard for me to tell either way.

While I debated what to do, Satou-san took out her phone. “Maybe I’m being too vague. Umm, you see, I’m still a total amateur when it comes to this. I’ve been trying to make up the perfect date. What do you think?” She showed me the plan she’d typed on her phone.

Meet at noon à Lunch à Movie theater à Shopping à Romantic confession under the legendary tree? à Present

It looked incredibly simple. Well, lists made everything look simple.

One detail immediately jumped out at me. “Wait a second. Are you planning on telling him you love him during your first date?”

“I guess I thought I’d go big or go home—but only if I can summon up the courage.”

I thought she’d want to deepen their relationship bit by bit, slowly but surely. She was more decisive than I’d imagined.

“Don’t you think you’re going, like, too fast?” I asked. “I mean, it’d be fine if you waited until the second or third date. You’d still be moving at a good clip. Besides, you might find out something about him that you don’t really like.”

Even girls with romantic experience sometimes didn’t know how to start a new relationship, and Satou-san seemed like an absolute beginner. I hoped she’d take things slowly.

Though, as another total beginner, what’d I know?

“Also, what’s ‘the legendary tree’?” I added. “One of those things where, if you swear your love under it, you’ll be together forever or something?”

Did this school even have a tree like that? Was it an urban legend? Even if that mysterious power really existed, binding yourself irrevocably to someone for ten or twenty years sounded like a bad thing.

“Well, it’s not really that famous. I saw something about it on the school bulletin board. It said that, if you tell someone how you feel under the tree, they’ll like you back. It sounded like there’re a lot of stories of it working.”

Hunh. Maybe I should look into it. I pulled up the school’s bulletin board forum on my phone and saw that the stories were true. The tree existed, and several successful romantic confessions had happened there. Apparently, some bigshot gave the tree to the school when it was founded. The tree was supposed to be over fifty years old now.

From what I read, the romantic confession had to take place in the evening, before sunset, sometime between four and five o’clock. The posts also stated that no one else could be around. If you met all the conditions, there was a 99 percent chance you’d succeed.

That sounded pretty fishy.

“Isn’t such specific timing difficult to pull off, though?” I asked.

“Yeah. They say that if anyone else shows up the moment you say how you feel, it won’t work.”

Being alone seemed like a tall order, especially because lots of people would be around at that time of day. Besides, what if a whole bunch of couples wanted to test the theory at the same time? This really just sounded like superstition, but people would do anything for the sake of making some once-in-a-lifetime romantic confession successful. If it were me, I’d probably want to raise my chances of success any way I could, too.

“Um, so…like, why did you fall in love with Ayanokouji-kun?” I asked.

“Huh? Why?”

“Sorry,” I added. “It’s just that I don’t know anything about him. It’s hard to even picture him. Like, just what’re you attracted to? If you tell me, it’ll give me ideas for your date.”

Satou-san’s cheeks went red with embarrassment. She hid her face with her hands as she spoke. “Hmm. Well, first of all, he’s really cool, isn’t he? He’s so quiet and mature. Also, he’s a fast runner. He scores higher than me on tests, so he’s not an idiot. You know, besides Hirata-kun, most of the guys in our class are really immature.”

She probably meant Ike-kun and Yamauchi-kun. I definitely agreed on that point—most of the boys acted like total children. It was hard to believe we were all the same age. No wonder most girls went after upperclassmen.

“Pl-please keep this just between us,” Satou-san added. “Don’t tell the other girls, okay? I don’t want them to figure out how great Ayanokouji-kun is, or how inexperienced I am.”

“It’s okay to talk about it with me, though?”

“Well, you’re Hirata-kun’s girlfriend. There’s no competition.”

Satou-san was relying on me. It felt nice to be valued…but why did it have to be Kiyotaka? If this were about any other guy, I would’ve supported her fully and honestly. I wouldn’t feel so mixed up. Was this just cruel fate?

“Ahh.” I couldn’t help but let out a sigh. This one was heavy.

Satou-san’s expression turned sad. “I…I’m being a bother, aren’t I?” she asked.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t sigh about that at all. Honest.” I felt as if a cloud hung over my heart. It wasn’t like I was in love with Kiyotaka or anything, though. I just…had a unique relationship with him. Still, right now, I had to help Satou-san. “Okay, let’s revisit your date plan. It might be better to schedule lunch for after the movie. That way, if things get weird, you can always talk about the movie or whatever.”

“Okay. Good idea, Karuizawa-san.” Satou-san took out her phone.

“So, when’s the big date?” I pulled up the movie theater’s homepage to check whether the ticket times could be changed.

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Okay, pretty soon. Wait—the day after tomorrow?! That’s the twenty-fifth!” I almost stood without thinking, but caught myself. Flustered, I sat back down.

“Hee hee!” Satou-san giggled.

Don’t you “hee hee” me!

December twenty-fifth. One of the most important days of the entire year. Ugh—Kiyotaka! What the hell was he thinking, going on a date on Christmas?! That was a day for lovers to spend time together and deepen their relationship. A day to confirm their love. It wasn’t meant for starting a relationship.

He should’ve gently declined and suggested moving their date to the twenty-sixth. Actually, that might’ve backfired, too. It might have gotten him slapped with a reputation for being a guy who only wanted to be naughty, not nice.

I was so worried that my brain was going haywire. I sighed again.

“What’s the matter, Karuizawa-san?”

“Uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Why was I getting all flustered? It was none of my business. I had no say in the specifics of their date. That was for them to decide. “The twenty-fifth, huh? Well, I guess it’s better than Christmas Eve.”

Movie theaters were packed on Christmas Eve. If you didn’t care too much about the time of the showing or where you sat, you could spend the whole day there.

“So, if you start watching the movie at 11:50, it’ll be over around 1:30,” I continued. “If you start lunch before two, you can probably leave the restaurant around three. That gives you time to tell him your feelings after four. Good?”

Satou-san gave a satisfied nod.

“You’d better make reservations for lunch, too,” I added. “You want seats near the window, right?” Since it wouldn’t be peak lunch-hour traffic, I was sure she could make a reservation. “Also, if you order in advance, the restaurant can make you things that aren’t on the everyday menu.”

“I never even thought of that. Just what I’d expect from you, Karuizawa-san!”

I thought people should accommodate a special Christmas date. Honestly, the boy should’ve been the one making these arrangements. Still, this was setting the stage for Satou-san’s romantic confession, so it was probably fine.

Probably. I wasn’t sure. Pathetic as it was, I’d never been on a real date.

2.2

 

AFTER SATOU-SAN AND I TALKED, we headed back to the dormitory. We kept chatting as we walked.

“The snow’s really been coming down since this morning. They say it’s supposed to snow even more from tomorrow,” she said.

I glanced around us. We might have snow on campus all the way to the new year if it kept falling at this rate.

Snow reminded me of the year before last. I remembered someone telling me that muddy snow was chocolate shaved ice before stuffing it into my mouth. For once, I recalled that memory from far away, as if I were fondly reminiscing. Somehow, it seemed so long ago.

“What was so fun about doing something like that, anyway?” I asked aloud.

“Eh?” said Satou-san.

“Oh, sorry. Just talking to myself.” Maybe because of what’d happened yesterday, memories kept coming back to me.

Satou-san’s expression stiffened. I thought it was because I’d been talking to myself, but apparently, that wasn’t it. “Actually, um, there’s one more favor I wanted to ask.”

“Well, don’t hold back. Hit me,” I replied, thumping my chest for added emphasis.

“Thanks, Karuizawa-san. You see, um, I’m really happy to be going on a date, but…this is the first date I’ve ever been on. I have no idea what to do.”

“You’ve never gone out with a boy before?” I asked.

Well, based on what she said earlier, it made sense. Still, I’d assumed that a trendy girl like her had at least gone on a date.

Satou-san shook her head, looking embarrassed. “I’m telling you this because you’re, well, you, Karuizawa-san. I’ve never gone on a date, and I’m starting my second year. If I told anyone else that, they’d laugh at me. They’d say I’m slow or something. You think so too, don’t you, Karuizawa-san?”

“W-well, no. You might be a late bloomer, but that just means it took a while to find someone you really like, yeah? It means you respect yourself too much to settle for less.” Even as I lied, I supported her. Not for Satou-san’s sake, but for my own.

“Thank you for saying that,” she replied. “Well, um, here’s the thing. I think I’m going to be so nervous that it might mess up the date. So, I was wondering if maybe you and Hirata-kun could come along and make it a double date? I want you to be my wingwoman!”

I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. “D-double date?! W-wingwoman?”

“I really should’ve asked sooner, right? I had you help with all the reservations and stuff, too,” said Satou-san sheepishly.

The reservations hadn’t really been a big deal. What mattered was that she wanted me, someone totally inexperienced in romance, to play Cupid. What could be more hilariously wrong?

“It’s probably a bad idea,” Satou-san added. “Right?”

“Well, that’s—” I should say no. I was sure to mess up, exposing my inexperience for all to see. Augh! Since this was Satou-san’s first date, though, maybe she wouldn’t notice? Should I act cool and composed, and cheerfully accept? “Well, I was thinking I’d like to spend Christmas alone with Hirata-kun. Just the two of us, you know?”

Normal partners would probably also spend tomorrow and the day after together. That should’ve been an obvious conclusion, but my mind was still racing. I agonized over what to do.

“Oh.” Satou-san looked anxious. “It’s just…you and Hirata-kun are so perfect together. I want to have a relationship like yours.”

From Satou-san’s perspective, I smoothly sailed through life. That wasn’t true, of course, but…something kept bothering me, and it wasn’t Kiyotaka.

I didn’t actually like Yousuke-kun in that way, and we weren’t actually dating. We were a fake couple. As long as we continued, neither of us could find true love. The thought nagged at me.

Even Kiyotaka wasn’t attracted to me. How could my lies help Satou-san?

“Well, I don’t know.” I thought I might decline, but I stopped myself.

Constantly thinking of Kiyotaka wasn’t good for me. I needed to get him off my mind. If I could encourage him and Satou-san to get together, then… Well, it’d eliminate the possibility of Kiyotaka dating me, unlikely as it was.

“L-Leave it to me. I’ll handle it,” I said.

“Really?! Thank you, Karuizawa-san!” Satou-san took my hands, hopping up and down.

She really does like him that much, huh? In that case, I should support her first love. I scooped up some snow and pressed it against my forehead to cool off.

As I did, I reflected.

I wasn’t the person I’d been in junior high. I wasn’t the same despair-filled girl of three years ago. I wasn’t even the same student who started school here eight months earlier. Playing a part for my classmates hadn’t set me free; it’d been a way to protect myself. That was no good. If someone needed your help, you had to be honest. You couldn’t be a true friend otherwise.

But, if I went on the double date, other issues would come up. First, I had to know whether Yousuke-kun was available. Since the whole school knew we were together, we didn’t need to appear in public much, so we’d meant to relax and take it easy this Christmas. If someone asked what we did, we’d decided we would just tell them we had a date in one of our dorm rooms. Even if someone saw us outside alone during the day, we could say we had plans in the evening.

“Oh…um…one more thing,” said Satou-san. “I kind of hoped you could act like you and Hirata-kun met up with Ayanokouji-kun and me by accident.”

Jeez, another request. “You don’t want it to be, like, a pre-established double date?”

“Is that all right?”

“Oh, it’s fine.” Of course she wouldn’t want that. I thought about it, then advised, “Let’s not go that route. I think it’s probably better to say up front that you want this to be a double date.”

“I see. What if Ayanokouji-kun doesn’t like that, though?” asked Satou-san.

“Won’t he be more upset if he finds out later that we manipulated him?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” She looked troubled.

“It’s up to you, Satou-san.” I couldn’t force her one way or the other, but I thought lying to Kiyotaka was a bad idea. Sooner or later, he’d figure it out…not that I could tell Satou-san that. Saying something like, “Kiyotaka’s surprisingly perceptive. Don’t try to trick him,” would be weird. As far as anyone knew, Kiyotaka and I never hung out.

However, I couldn’t definitively say that a double date was a bad thing. Maybe I’d go online and find an article to help. Something like Why Double Dates Are Ideal for Beginners.

“Could you just join up with us naturally on the day of our date? I think that’d be good,” said Satou-san. My suggestion of honesty clearly hadn’t found purchase. She wanted to keep our double date covert.

“If you’re fine with that, sure. I don’t mind.” Now, all that was left was to keep Kiyotaka from noticing our deception. Maybe this was a good time to test how much I could sneak past him. “If Yousuke-kun doesn’t want to go on a double date for whatever reason, I’m sorry,” I added.

With that disclaimer, we headed back to the dormitory.

2.3

 

WHEN I GOT TO MY ROOM, I lay on the bed with my phone in my hand and stared at the ceiling. A bunch of weird emotions welled up inside me.

My discussion with Satou-san, the fact that she loved Kiyotaka, her asking for my help to make them an official couple… That stuff pissed me off, but I also felt restless. If this were just about romance, that’d be one thing. I think I’d be able to help Satou-san out. But…

Did Kiyotaka plan to go on a date with Satou-san just to “study” what girls were like on dates? What if he wasn’t interested in her romantically at all—but, instead, planned to use her like he did me? I might’ve been overthinking it, but this was Kiyotaka. I could never tell what he really thought.

Maybe he was dating her to see whether she could be useful to him. I was afraid that he saw Satou-san as the key to making his life at this school easier, the same way he’d once used me. What if Kiyotaka decided Satou-san was better than me? He might stop protecting me.

I picked up the phone and dialed, muttering, “I haven’t even memorized my own phone number, and yet…”

All I had to do now was touch the call icon. What did I even plan on asking him? Do you really think Satou-san will be more useful than me? No, that was stupid. It sounded as if I wanted him to use me, and that wasn’t true. I just, well, wanted to protect myself. I wanted my Kiyotaka protection policy. Yeah. That was obviously it.

“Maybe I’ll try asking him directly.” I told my thumb to hit “call,” but my thumb didn’t budge. It wouldn’t even touch the screen. In the end, I couldn’t make myself do it. “I’m such an idiot,” I sighed.

What I really wanted to ask was, “Are you done using me?”

Then my phone rang. “Huh?!” It was Kiyotaka’s number. “H-hello?” I stammered, answering in a panic.

“I want to ask you something.” His tone was the same as always, flat and apathetic.

“What? What do you want to ask?”

“Is anyone there right now?”

“No. I’m in my room.”

Maybe he wondered whether I was sick, and called to check. Even so, it was too late in the evening for him to call me like this. Still, my heart fluttered to think he cared.

But Kiyotaka crushed my hopes in a second. “I need you to investigate something for me, Karuizawa.”

“What? Didn’t you say you weren’t going to rely on me anymore? You told me to erase your contact information,” I snapped.

After what happened yesterday, shouldn’t he check on me? I didn’t expect something caring, like “You didn’t catch a cold, did you?” Still, it’d be nice to at least get an “I’m sorry,” or something like that.

Kiyotaka had manipulated Ryuuen and the others into bullying me. I should’ve hated him. Anyone else would’ve reported him to the school. The least he could do was apologize. Yet the first thing he said was “I need you to investigate something.”

Listen up, Kiyotaka. Who do you think you are? I don’t owe you anything anymore. Actually, you owe me protection. For free.

I ought to have said something bold like that, but those words remained stuck in my throat. I was afraid that if I actually did, Kiyotaka would walk away from me.

“What do you want me to investigate?” I asked instead.

“Satou.”

“Satou-san?” This situation was getting weirder and weirder. I said nothing about my meeting with her today. “What about her?”

“I want to know who she usually hangs out with. What her behavior patterns are. I’d also appreciate it if you could fill me in on her personality, hobbies, and likes and dislikes. If you already know all those things, our conversation will be brief.”

I don’t know any of that stuff. “Unfortunately, Satou-san and I hang out in different groups. I don’t know much about her.”

“Not very well-informed, eh? So, there’re lots of things that even you, the girls’ de facto leader, don’t know.”

“Hey, did you know you’re being a jerk right now?”

“If you don’t have the answers, then do some digging for me. I’d prefer that Satou remain in the dark about this,” he said.

“Well…if I ask Shinohara-san, I might be able to find out some things.”

“Do whatever you think would be best, please. I leave everything in your hands,” Kiyotaka told me.

“All right, fine. I’ll try asking around…but tell me the reason why.”

“Send me the details via e-mail.” Kiyotaka hung up without even responding to my question.

“What the hell is his deal? Ugh. God, I was an idiot to expect anything else from him.” I should’ve coughed during the call or something to hint that I didn’t feel well.

Grumbling, I sent a chat message to Shinohara-san. If nothing else, I could be proud of myself for acting professionally, even while Kiyotaka was being a jerk. Shinohara-san responded, and soon, I effortlessly turned the topic of conversation to Satou-san.

Shinohara-san and I chatted for a while, and once I’d gotten everything I could, I sent the information to Kiyotaka’s other e-mail address. I didn’t get a reply, as usual, but I was sure he got the message.

So, Kiyotaka was actually interested in Satou-san? He was clearly collecting information before the date to make sure it went well. If it did, would the two of them start going out for real? Or maybe…maybe he was trying to turn Satou-san into his pawn? I just couldn’t figure it out.

“Argh! Come on! What the hell’s up with that guy?!”

I couldn’t sleep that night. Tomorrow would be a long day.