Chapter 7: A Man’s Tears

Chapter 7:
A Man’s Tears

 

WE’D MANAGED to get our hands on some intel through our little chat with Katsuragi. But it wasn’t like Class C had the upper hand. Horikita, well aware of where we stood, was trying to address our concerns one by one.

“Wait a minute, Hirata-kun,” she said, calling out to Hirata as he stood up at his desk when class ended, about to head back to the dorm.

He was the first student to try to leave. This was also the first time she had called out to him since after the in-class voting exam.

Hirata simply stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around to face her.

“I imagine you don’t want to talk to me, so allow me to just confirm one thing. You will not be participating in any of the events Class C chooses. And there are no plans to have you in play on the day of the exam. But things may change, depending on the situation. Sakayanagi-san understands what’s going on with you, so we must assume it’s possible she’ll throw in multiple events that require quite a few people to participate,” said Horikita.

No matter how much Class C tries to accommodate Hirata, there was still the possibility that all thirty-eight students would have to participate.

“If that time comes, what will you do? Will you apathetically drag your feet? Or will you put in the bare minimum required of you? I’d like you to answer me that much,” said Horikita.

However, Hirata didn’t answer. A heavy silence filled the classroom. Then, as we felt time start to move forward again, Hirata started walking away.

“So, you can’t even give me an answer, huh?” huffed Horikita, exasperated. Fed up, she averted her gaze, as if to say she had given up.

“…Hey, uh, maybe we…aren’t gonna win in the end anyway after all… With Hirata-kun being like this, I mean,” said one of the girls in class, her voice filled with concern.

The boys probably felt the same way. The guy who’d been pulling the class forward was absent, and his absence continued to place a heavy burden on Class C’s shoulders, time and time again.

“You told me that getting Hirata back to normal depended on the efforts of those around him. But in the end, nothing has changed,” said Horikita, addressing me.

“I’m not so sure.”

“Huh…?”

Horikita looked up with a puzzled expression on her face, but she and I were looking in different places.

“Hirata-kun! Wait!”

I had no idea how many times Mii-chan had cried out like that by now. She hurriedly grabbed her bag and chased after him.

“Mii-chan still hasn’t given up,” I told her.

“I’ll never begin to understand why not,” huffed Horikita.

“You have work to do, Horikita. Keep Class C together and improve our chances.”

No one in our class could do that right now, except for Horikita.

I followed after Mii-chan, and found her standing face to face with Hirata on the path leading back to the dormitory. This definitely wasn’t some bittersweet confession of love, though. She was going on the offensive to get her classmate, Hirata, back on his feet.

“Please, Hirata-kun. We need your help, Hirata-kun…so.”

“Mii-chan, please, enough. Can you please just leave me alone already…?” Hirata grumbled heavily. He was probably wondering how many times he was going to have to repeat himself.

His sharp words cut like a knife. I was sure they pierced her heart deeply. However, the determination in her eyes showed no signs of wavering. Even if he pushed her away again and again, Mii-chan continued to persist.

“I-I can’t leave you alone… Not when you’re like this, Hirata-kun. I can’t,” she replied.

“In that case, how can I get you to? Please tell me.”

“Well, um, by going back to how you used to be, Hirata-kun…”

“Back to how I used to be? I can’t.”

His cold words rained down on Mii-chan over and over, without mercy.

“No, that’s not true! I-I believe that you can, Hirata-kun!”

“I already told you, I can’t. I don’t want you to believe in me.”

“Even so, I do!” she shouted.

Hirata clenched his fist. Depending on how the conversation went, it felt like he might even throw a punch.

“Okay, then bring Yamauchi-kun back,” he told her.

“Wha…?”

“That’s what it’ll take for things to go back to normal.”

Yamauchi had been expelled. He was never coming back to our class. And in the same way, Hirata was never going back to how he used to be, either. That was the truth he was trying to convey to Mii-chan.

“That’s…”

“I really wish you could have understood that before you came to talk to me,” said Hirata.

He turned his back to her and tried to walk away. But Mii-chan reflexively reached out and grabbed his right arm, holding him back—because if Hirata made it back to his dorm room, then it would mean she’d been unable to do anything to help him today, either.

“Will you let me go?” he asked.

“I-I won’t!”

Despite the fact that Hirata had rejected her, Mii-chan firmly held her ground. She believed her feelings would surely reach him if she did so. I continued to watch the scene unfold some distance away, deciding I shouldn’t carelessly get too close and get in Mii-chan’s way.

Hirata let out an obvious sigh. Then he raised his right arm quickly and shook it as hard as he could to break free of Mii-chan’s grasp.

“Kyah!”

It was a forceful move, completely unlike Hirata. The momentum unintentionally caused Mii-chan to fall to the ground.

“…Leave me alone already. If you don’t… I… I…”

Mii-chan looked up at Hirata. His gaze, filled with anger, wounded her once more.

“I have nothing else left to lose. If you keep hanging around me…” said Hirata, his words trailing off.

He was about to bring the hammer down on Mii-chan. To say something so devastating that all the things he’d said and done so far wouldn’t even begin to compare. But then, at the last minute, a lone man walked past me. His blond hair fluttered in the wind and he smelled of cologne.

“My, my. It would seem you’re dithering again today, hm? And you’re showing everyone such an unseemly side of yourself,” teased Kouenji, trying to get a rise out of Hirata.

He typically went straight back to the dorms after class, too.

“Well, now, don’t worry about me. Carry on with what you were doing. I’ll simply watch,” said Kouenji.

Hirata wasn’t foolish enough to continue what he was doing after hearing that. Instead, he directed his hostility at the man who was getting in his way.

“Is there…something you want from me…?”

“Want? There’s nothing I want. I already have everything, after all,” replied Kouenji, walking past Hirata and Mii-chan. “But…hmm. Come to think of it, if I had to name something I wanted from you, it would be…”

This was just something he’d happened to stumble into on his way back to the dorm. Nothing more and nothing less. Hirata’s feelings meant nothing to him.

“You’re an eyesore, so could you please go ahead and remove yourself from my sight? If this is no longer your ideal school, then why don’t you just drop out?”

How very like Kouenji. He was essentially telling Hirata that he might as well just leave if he was going to keep hemming and hawing like this.

“…Shut up. You have no idea how I feel,” said Hirata.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. However, I can make a few guesses. You’re going to tell me that you can’t simply drop out because it would cause trouble for your classmates, hm? What nonsense.”

“P-please stop, Kouenji-kun! Hirata-kun hasn’t done anything wrong!” shouted Mii-chan, standing up, trying to stop Kouenji’s relentless verbal assault on Hirata.

“Oh ho. It would seem what I said displeases you. My apologies.” Despite the smirk on his face, Kouenji treated Mii-chan with a certain degree of respect. “However, the sooner you forget about Hirata Boy here, the better. He’s already beyond help.”

Hirata, who had already been nearing his limit for a while, opened his eyes and closed in on Kouenji.

“N-no, don’t, Hirata-kun!”

Mii-chan, sensing something was obviously wrong here, put herself between the two of them. But Hirata pushed her out of the way more forcefully than when he shook her off before, then reached for Kouenji without even looking at her. He tried to grab Kouenji’s collar with his right hand but was quickly intercepted by Kouenji’s left. Kouenji held Hirata’s wrist firmly.

“Gr!”

“Understand, I show no mercy to anyone who comes after me. I don’t want anyone to mar my beautiful face,” said Kouenji. He tightened his grip on Hirata’s wrist, causing an expression of pain and anger to appear on Hirata’s face.

“Enough already! God, you’re so annoying, Kouenji…!”

“You’re free to do as you please. But I don’t need to be told what to do by someone who makes a girl cry,” said Kouenji.

He looked over at Mii-chan, who was sitting on the ground. Then he let go of Hirata’s wrist and spoke once more.

“You knocked her down. Shouldn’t you extend your hand to her?”

“…This has nothing to do with me.”

“Nothing to do with you, hm? My, aren’t you cruel.”

Mii-chan averted her eyes from Hirata, unable to look directly at him.

“Well, no matter. You’re free to do as you please, Hirata Boy.”

“Wh-wh-what?!”

Kouenji gallantly swooped down and picked Mii-chan up.

“Well, since you’re not going to do anything, I suppose I’ll take care of her myself,” he said.

Hirata and Mii-chan were both stunned by this newest move from Kouenji, already someone whose actions no one could ever predict.

“You’re heartbroken, and moreover, you’re hurt. Why don’t I heal your pain?” said Kouenji.

“B-b-b-b-but, wait, huh?! I’m not hurt anywhere though!”

“Now, now. No need to worry. Despite how I may appear, I am exceedingly gentle, you see.”

The injury that Kouenji was referring to likely wasn’t physical but emotional. He was probably talking about a broken heart. Probably.

Kouenji moved farther away, as if he were trying to get Mii-chan away from Hirata.

“Hey, um, please put me down!” exclaimed Mii-chan.

“Ha ha ha! I’m afraid I cannot do that. I’ve already taken you!”

“Whaaat?!”

Hirata glared at Kouenji’s back. Kouenji stopped in his tracks, almost as if he had sensed it.

“Are you unhappy with me, hm?” he asked.

Honestly, I wished he would just ignore Hirata at this point…

“You’re just going to keep on hurting me forever, huh. Forever and ever?”

“No, no. You’re the one hurting those around you. At the very least, I wouldn’t ignore a girl who showed me affection, hm?”

Kouenji started to walk away again, ignoring Mii-chan’s fussing. When Hirata realized he was headed toward the dormitory, he started walking in another direction, probably not wanting to be around him anymore. I hesitated for a moment, then decided to follow Kouenji.

Also, Mii-chan’s bag was still on the ground. I scooped it up and went after them. Once he got to the dormitory entrance, Kouenji gently set Mii-chan back down.

“K-Kouenji-kun, why…?”

“Fu fu fu. Hm, why indeed, hm?” he replied, smiling instead of answering her question, then added, “At any rate, you should really give up on pursuing Hirata Boy.”

I came forward and handed Mii-chan her bag.

“Thank you, Ayanokouji-kun… Wait, where did you come from?” she asked.

I could have told her that I was good at hiding my presence. But I didn’t.

“I’ll stay here and keep an eye on you until you get to the elevator, all right?” said Kouenji.

“…O-okay,” said Mii-chan.

Even if she went to look for Hirata right now, she didn’t know where he’d gone. Mii-chan gave up and got in the elevator to escape Kouenji. I watched as he went over and took a seat in the lobby.

“Now, then…did you have some business with me, hm? Ayanokouji Boy.”

“Why did you call Hirata out like that back there? You were probably just adding fuel to the fire. Or did you think you were doing it for the class’s sake?”

“It would seem you still don’t understand me, hm? Tsk, tsk.” He waved his finger at me. “I do not do things for the class’s sake. I only do the things that I want to do. Whether those actions positively or negatively impact the class is nothing more than a byproduct.”

So it was just incidental, hm? Kouenji only did what he wanted to do. The only exception to that rule was that he’d take action when at risk of being expelled himself.

“His presence is unsightly. It positively vexes me, like an insect.”

And he couldn’t help but call out to Hirata because of that?

“You selfishly indulge your every whim, doing exactly as you please, but what if we have another test like the in-class voting exam? What will you do then? To be frank, no one in our class is in quite as much of a bind as you, Kouenji.”

“Fu fu fu. It won’t matter. As long as I’m good enough,” said Kouenji.

He checked to make sure Mii-chan was no longer in the elevator, then stood up.

“That reminds me. You are the commander for this exam, if I recall.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not feeling very motivated. So I’d like you to avoid putting me in play.”

“Sorry, but Horikita’s the one making those kinds of calls. I don’t get to decide.”

“Surely you are mistaken, no? You’re the commander. As such, you have the right to make decisions, not her.”

As far as the rules were concerned, that was true, but… It didn’t seem like I could make Kouenji understand.

“Anyway, I ask that you please be flexible,” said Kouenji, before boarding the elevator and heading toward his room.

7.1

 

I DECIDED TO LEAVE the dorm and look for Hirata. He probably hadn’t gone back to the school building, so he might be at Keyaki Mall or somewhere nearby. Assuming he wanted to avoid people, chances were high that he was somewhere outside. I decided to just walk around and look.

After about an hour of searching, I came across a lonely figure sitting on a bench.

“Hirata,” I called when I was close, almost within arm’s reach.

“…Ayanokouji-kun,” he responded slowly, still downcast.

It had been a while since I’d gotten a good look at his face like this. He must not have been sleeping well, because I noticed dark circles under his eyes.

“Do you have a minute?” I asked.

After hearing my request, his eyes opened up a little more.

“I’m just sick and tired of all of this. Why do people just keep coming after me, again and again? I thought you were the one person who understood me, Ayanokouji-kun. I thought you’d leave me alone. I’m disappointed,” said Hirata.

“Sorry. If you don’t like it, why don’t you push me like you did Mii-chan, and run away?”

Despite my deliberate attempt at provocation, Hirata didn’t get up from the bench.

“A minute, huh? Well, it’s fine. It’s not like there’s anywhere I can run to at this school, anyway. I’m too exhausted to run anymore, today. But…I’m sure I’ll just disappoint you, too.”

I was sure a great many students had tried talking to him in this short period of time. Voices of concern, voices of encouragement—either way, it must have hurt. Although I didn’t know who’d tried to talk to him, I could imagine what they’d tried to say. I was sure they tried to mend his heartbreak, to comfort him with kindness and gentleness.

The two of us sat on the bench with no one else around.

“So…what did you want to talk about?” asked Hirata.

I already knew how Hirata was planning this conversation to go in his head. He was thinking he’d just sit there and listen, the words going in one ear and out the other, and that would be it.

“I want you to tell me your story,” I told him.

“Huh?” He sounded apathetic, caught off-guard. I was sure he’d been expecting me to express my sympathies.

“What kind of kid you were. What did you think about then? I want to hear about it.”

“…Why?”

“Dunno. Just felt like I wanted to know. I’m having a hard time coming up with a reason why.”

Hirata let out a heavy sigh and then slowly shook his head. “I don’t really have the energy to remember the past right now. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“No energy? Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I…”

The way he looked at me seemed to say, Don’t you get it?

“So, why?” I repeated, ignoring the look.

“…Because Yamauchi-kun got expelled.”

I was forcing him to say things he didn’t want to say. Hirata sounded annoyed, like he was aware of what I was doing.

“You’re making me talk about something rough.”

“I’m just curious. If I’ve offended you, I apologize.”

“…It’s all right.”

Hirata let out another sigh, lacking the energy to argue back. He hunched forward, shaking his head side to side. I want you to leave me alone. Please stop caring about me. That’s what he was trying to say.

“What does Yamauchi getting expelled have to do with you not being able to talk about your past, though?” I asked.

Once again, Hirata wore an exasperated look in response to my persistent questioning. “My past doesn’t really have anything to do with what’s going on right now, does it?”

“Not necessarily.”

He tried to put a stop to our conversation there, but I kept going, not letting him bring it to a close.

“It’s awful when a classmate gets expelled, yeah. Everyone thinks so. But it’s not like we can afford to wallow over it forever. The Event Selection Exam is just around the corner now. It’s not just Horikita and Kushida—even Ike and Sudou are getting their heads in the game and preparing to fight. But why not you, Hirata? You keep dwelling on the issue of Yamauchi getting expelled, and even if you tried to help—”

I deliberately paused for a moment. Then I switched gears, showing him I didn’t really want to talk about that.

“What I really want to know is what caused you to have the system of values you have, Hirata,” I told him.

“What’s the point in talking about that? You think I’m going to tell you?”

“You will. Because you really want me to know just who you are, Hirata. You can’t help it.”

Truthfully, he probably did want to reveal his innermost thoughts. But he couldn’t do that, which was why I was here right now. Talk. Now, I told him with my eyes, encouraging him so powerfully that I was almost threatening him.

When he saw the look in my eyes, he seemed overcome by fear.

“I finally understand the real reason Karuizawa-san revealed everything about herself to you, Ayanokouji-kun. When I saw your eyes… Just now, when you made me see them. There’s a deep darkness there. So dark it’s terrifying…” said Hirata.

The darkness within Hirata was being eroded. By me. He wasn’t just waiting around for death to find him—he was begging to be saved, with each passing day. That was why he was grasping the black thread of salvation dangling before him. So that he could crawl out of hell.

“I think I’ve told you once before… About a close friend I had since I was little. When we were in junior high, he became a target for bullying,” said Hirata.

“Yeah, Sugimura, I think.”

“You even remember his name…”

It was precisely because I knew the story that I could make some predictions about Hirata’s mental state. He’d wanted to help his friend back then but had been terrified of becoming the bullies’ next target. As a result, he simply stood and watched on the sidelines. And then…

“My friend…committed suicide. He jumped.”

At long last, Hirata was going to begin to recall what happened that day.

Slowly but surely, he started to tell me his story.

“Well, technically, he survived. He’s barely clinging to life. But he continues to sleep, even now, with no signs of recovery…”

Hirata brought his hands together and clasped them tightly.

“I’m the one who drove him to try and take his own life. The weight of that responsibility hasn’t changed.”

“It’s not like you’re the only one at fault. Besides, it was other people who actually drove him to it,” I told him.

“I suppose, but I think that being a bystander means I’m equally guilty,” he replied.

He’d said something similar back when we were on the cruise ship. This was exactly why he wanted to save everyone around him. Hirata always took the initiative to address every problem that arose in our class, sparing no effort to find a solution. Like when Sudou got into a fight with those other guys, or the time he and Kei became a pretend couple.

However, there were some things that couldn’t be explained by that alone.

“I understand that you still have some doubts,” said Hirata, without looking at me. “So, it didn’t end when my friend tried to kill himself by jumping…”

He’d told me the first part earlier, on the cruise ship. Apparently, there was more to this story.

“I thought the ordeal would be over after my friend tried to jump to his death. I thought that after such a heavy sacrifice, the bullying would end. But I was wrong. After that incident, I saw the unfathomable darkness of humanity,” said Hirata.

He was trembling. Something like a murderous impulse flashed in his eyes.

“The bullies chose a new target. One of my classmates,” said Hirata.

He stopped to bring his emotions back under control. He let out a sigh, then began to speak once more in a quiet murmur.

“I couldn’t believe it. They’d only just done something so awful, and now they were bullying someone new? This other kid, who was nothing but an innocent bystander, started getting the same treatment as my friend. And what’s more, some of my classmates who weren’t previously involved in the bullying before, started to join in now.”

The bullying continued to escalate, inexhaustibly.

“If the person at the bottom of the pecking order is gone, then it’s only natural someone else will take their place. It’s the natural order of things, I suppose,” I replied.

“I knew I couldn’t let it happen again. I knew that I had to stop it,” said Hirata.

“So…you took action?”

He nodded once. Then a second time, and a third.

“I took a certain approach to ensure the same mistake wouldn’t be made again,” said Hirata, slowly looking up and looking straight ahead. “Well, to put it simply…I tried to control the class through fear.”

“You did? Hirata?”

“Yeah. I’m not particularly strong, or good at fighting, like Sudou-kun or Ryuuen-kun. But not many people can actually, seriously haul off and punch someone. Even if I was throwing punches for real, no one tried to hit me back. So I stood alone at the top of the class, while everyone else stayed at the bottom. I tried to end all the bullying that way. Whenever there was trouble, I was there to intervene. I gave both sides the same amount of punishment, the same amount of pain. There was no difference. But there was a brief moment of quiet,” he told me.

Hirata had probably known that wasn’t justice. And that it was wrong. But even so, he didn’t want to stand witness to a world where people were being abused.

“As a result, I wondered if…in the end, I destroyed that year of our lives. My classmates’ smiles were gone. Everyone moved like they were emotionless robots. There was a lot of talk about it going around in the place I lived, at the time… People talked about it like it was a big scandal,” said Hirata.

“How did the school handle it in the end?”

“I think it was a pretty unprecedented response. All of the classes were broken up, forced apart. Then everyone was redistributed, starting with me. And we remained under strict surveillance until graduation.”

If the incident had been that big a deal, it was only natural that it reached a lot of ears. Which meant, in turn, that there was no way this school didn’t know about it. In fact, it might be precisely because they knew about the incident that they’d had Hirata enrolled here. I finally understood why he’d been placed in Class D.

“So, you can’t forgive yourself for Yamauchi being targeted and attacked, can you?” I asked.

“Yeah…I, well, I just thought as long as I didn’t actually hear anything, I’d pretend I didn’t know anything. I wanted to remain silent until the day of the actual vote,” said Hirata.

And then, as a result of Horikita’s trial, Yamauchi had been brought down. Deemed unnecessary.

“I’m useless. I should never have tried to keep the class together in the first place. Even though I did everything I could, in the end, I couldn’t protect Yamauchi-kun… You understand, don’t you, Ayanokouji-kun? I just can’t anymore. I even thought about trying to control people using fear again, to protect people. I’m sure you know as well as I that that was a huge mistake…” said Hirata, his voice trembling.

His heart was on the verge of breaking. Hirata thought our entire class should share everything, both the highs and the lows. He couldn’t bear to see anyone suffer, to see anyone disappear. I was sure he’d been asking himself these questions on loop.

It wasn’t clear how much he’d opened up to Mii-chan or to other students. However, I was sure I knew what sort of things they’d said back to him.

“There was nothing you could have done.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hirata-kun.”

“Yamauchi was the one who messed up by betraying the class.”

I was sure that no matter who he asked, they’d tell him that Hirata was good and the other person was evil. That was never going to change. But, as a result, this problem remained unsolved. It was pointless to tell Hirata to blame someone when he was trying to protect them. If anything, that would just make him retreat further back into his shell.

“There’s something that I want to make explicitly clear. It’s not Horikita’s fault that Yamauchi got expelled, and it wasn’t my fault, either. Do you understand that?” I asked.

“…Yeah. I know there was no avoiding it. There was nothing any of us could do,” said Hirata, before adding that he didn’t blame me either, in a quiet voice.

I probably sounded like I was reminding him it wasn’t my fault for what happened. It might have even sounded like I was asking him if he resented me.

“Whose fault do you think it is that Yamauchi got kicked out of our class? Out of school?” I asked.

“I would think…that it could be nobody but himself, I guess,” concluded Hirata, saying something that he didn’t want to admit.

Yamauchi had reaped what he had sown. He had been expelled as a result of his lack of skill and the choices he made.

“No, that’s wrong.” I rejected his answer. I flatly denied Hirata’s naïve way of thinking. “It’s your fault that Yamauchi got expelled, Hirata.”

“I…!”

He looked up at me. The look on his face told me he couldn’t understand what I just said.

“If you really wanted to save him, then you should’ve done everything you possibly could,” I added.

“B-but… I, I tried…! There wasn’t anything else I could have done!”

“Ichinose from Class B hasn’t lost a single person.”

“That’s, but, that’s because she’s a special case. We didn’t have a huge number of Private Points, so I couldn’t do what she did!” he exclaimed.

“In that case, the problem is you not leading the class like she did. You should have been saving points all through the year, like Ichinose did, so you could save someone if they were about to be expelled,” I told him.

If he had done so, Yamauchi wouldn’t have been expelled, and we would have still had forty people in our class.

“But that’s impossible. We lost our class points almost immediately after we started school here. And even if we hadn’t, there’s no way that our classmates would agree to something like that,” said Hirata.

“The fact that we’re at zero class points and the fact that you failed to guide the class into becoming one that would comply with a plan like that are both your fault,” I told him.

No matter how much Hirata tried to run, the fact he was at fault wouldn’t change.

“But that’s absurd! It’s completely ridiculous.”

“Yes, it is absurd. But there’s no getting around it. You chose to take this path. You should have just kept this fantasy of saving everyone to yourself. If you had, then no one could blame you, Hirata, no matter who got expelled. But if you continue to feel this way about the people around you, then you will take all the blame when you fail. You need to be prepared for that,” I told him.

“B-But I…!”

“I was wrong about you. I thought you were an honors student. A man of character who had the respect of many of his classmates. But that’s not who you are. You’re just a cheap, incompetent sham, who does nothing but talk a big game about stuff he can’t even do,” I told him.

Of course, this was just me following an extreme argument to its conclusion. Hirata was by no means incompetent at all. He was an exceptionally talented person, and such a good student that it was hard to imagine he was just a first-year. There was nothing wrong with him saying that he wanted to protect people. And it wasn’t like he was to blame just because he’d failed to do so.

But even so, I blamed him. I blamed him completely and entirely, putting pressure on him, pushing him persistently until he was about to break apart.

Was I doing this because of Hirata? No. Was I doing this so I could empower him to protect everyone? No. There was no way he could protect everyone. I was sure someone else would be expelled in the future.

I was doing this because, when that time came, Hirata was one of the components we needed to keep the class functioning well.

“How long are you going to sit around and daydream?” I asked him.

Hirata hadn’t taken a single step forward since he was back in compulsory education, in junior high. High school was a place where students came of their own volition. A place where students made their own decisions about their education.

“This… This is what…you’re really like, isn’t it? Your words are so terrifying, merciless, and cold…” said Hirata. Tears welled up in one of his eyes, then the other.

“You’re free to wish for whatever you want. But if you truly desire something, you have to keep fighting for it to the bitter end, to push yourself to your limits. If people get expelled in the process, you have no choice but to accept that. No choice but to keep moving forward,” I told him.

“That’s…cruel.”

“If you stop right now, the students around you will disappear, one by one. Which is exactly why, if you keep your eyes trained on the goal and keep moving forward, when all is said and done and you do reach the end, there will be lots of students standing right behind you.”

It took a lot of courage to take the lead and walk ahead of everyone else. You never knew when an obstacle might block your path and bring you down.

“But…how do I let myself be vulnerable and say what’s bothering me…? Do I have to keep everything to myself and walk forward alone?” he asked.

“No, you don’t. When you’re in trouble, you can rely on your classmates. Horikita, Kushida, Sudou, Ike, Mii-chan, Shinohara. It doesn’t matter who. You can show your vulnerability and vent your frustrations to anyone you want to rely on. It doesn’t matter who’s leading the pack or who’s following. We’re all in this together.”

There was no rule that said the person leading the way couldn’t show weakness. The people standing behind them could lend a hand when they faltered. Our classmates would be more than willing to let Hirata be vulnerable and listen to his problems.

“It’s all right. It’s all right for you to take the lead,” I told him.

I patted him on the shoulder. With that small impact, more and more tears began to pour from Hirata’s eyes. He was burying the past for good. He’d set down the heavy burden he’d been carrying all this time.

Hirata, who’d been trapped in place, was now able to stand up.

“Thank you… Thank you, Ayanokouji-kun…”

Hirata hung his head low, tears streaming down his face. Men are difficult, frustrating creatures who won’t let others see them cry except in special circumstances. Which was exactly why I, too, wanted the kind of friendship where I could shed tears in front of someone.

No more words needed to be said. All he needed was a friend at his side, someone who he could be vulnerable with and who would listen. By doing that…he could begin walking forward again.

7.2

 

NIGHT CAME AND WENT, and the next day arrived. The final special exam of the school year was just around the corner. When I arrived at school, there was no sign of Hirata in the classroom. Mii-chan looked gloomy, as expected.

Even though everyone in class had tried to push Hirata to the back of their minds, they were still worried about him. But then—the man who Class C so desperately needed showed up.

And people were reluctant to even look at him.

“G-Good morning…Hirata-kun,” said Mii-chan.

Sure enough, she called out to him before anyone else did. She pushed aside her sadness and tried her hardest to put on a smile. Seeing that, Hirata approached her.

“Wha—!”

Mii-chan froze for a moment, perhaps remembering what happened yesterday. When Hirata saw her, he bowed deeply, as low as he could possibly go.

“Good morning. And also, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was really horrible to you, Mii-chan,” said Hirata, delivering an emotionally charged apology.

“…Huh?” she replied.

“You were always, always trying to be there for me, to talk to me, and I ignored you. I’m so sorry,” he added.

“B-but, well, I just…” she stammered.

It wasn’t just Mii-chan who was completely floored by Hirata’s clear change in behavior. Everyone in class was bewildered.

“Good morning…everyone!” said Hirata. He wore such a bright smile that everything before today felt like a lie.

“H-Hirata-kun?” said Mii-chan, puzzled.

“I’m all right. I’m all right now,” he replied, reassuring Mii-chan with a gentle smile on his face, before bowing to everyone else. Still bowed, he continued, “I understand it might be too late for me to apologize by this point, but…if everyone is all right with it, I would like to contribute to the class however I can, starting today.”

The guys and girls of Class C exchanged looks. Several seconds passed as they struggled to understand what had just happened. And then…

“Hirata-kun!”

First, some of the girls in class rushed over toward Hirata’s side. They were followed by both guys and girls. Not a single person was unhappy to see Hirata’s long-awaited return.

“What happened?” asked Horikita, who had been watching from afar, still unable to get a grasp on the situation.

“I told you that it would depend on the efforts of everyone around him, didn’t I?”

“Well, yes, you did but… You don’t think he’s just forcing himself to act like that, or anything?” she asked.

“Does it look that way to you?” I replied.

“No, it doesn’t, I suppose.”

“Everyone processes things differently. Some might get over it quickly, while others might need more time. Some people are even capable of going right back to normal the day after a big fight, and getting along just fine again,” I told her.

That was just how human relationships worked.

Hirata, after being welcomed back with open arms, approached Horikita last. “Good morning, Horikita-san,” he said, looking directly at her with clear, honest eyes.

“Y-yes, good morning.” Horikita seemed shaken, perhaps overwhelmed by how radiant he seemed.

“I don’t think that I was wrong in the class trial incident the other day,” said Hirata.

“…I see.”

“But…I don’t think what you did was wrong, either. Or rather, what I should say is that you did the right thing,” said Hirata.

That was something he hadn’t been able to face at the time. But now, Hirata had resolved his own issues and come to accept it.

“I just hadn’t realized it at the time,” he added.

“Did you hit your head? Your way of thinking seems completely different from how it was just yesterday. And it doesn’t seem to me like you’re trying to put on a brave face or anything, but…” said Horikita, trailing off.

Despite her doubts, Hirata simply gave her an untroubled smile.

“I’ll do my utmost to regain the trust that I lost. I would like for you to give me the details of the special exam later,” he said.

“I understand. After you’ve gotten a grasp on the situation, I’ll test you to see whether or not you can really be of use. Is that all right with you?” she replied.

“Yes, of course,” he answered, stretching out his hand.

He was offering a handshake, asking for reconciliation. Horikita accepted. Afterward, Hirata was approached by his classmates once again, one after another. The classroom had become such a bright and cheerful place that it was hard to believe it had been submerged in gloom just a few minutes ago.

“Well, maybe this means that we’re finally ready to face the special exam,” said Horikita.

“Looks like it.” One might say Hirata’s return was the greatest boon Class C could have received at this point.

Kouenji seemed to be the only person unaffected by it, though.