Chapter 1: A Girl Peering at Herself in the Mirror

Chapter 1: A Girl Peering at Herself in the Mirror

Chapter 1:

A Girl Peering at Herself in the Mirror

T ODAY WAS MARCH 31 . It was the last day he… I mean my older brother would be here at this school.

“My face looks terrible.”

Peering in the mirror, I saw I looked depressed and worn out, which could be attributed to the fact that I’d hardly slept last night. How much time had I even spent talking to my brother at this school? We’d been here together for a full year, and I was sure it didn’t even total a couple of hours.

Our relationship was far too tenuous. People might mock me for it, saying my relationship with my brother hardly even qualified as friendship, and there wasn’t much I could say in reply. We were siblings. That might seem like a close connection, but in reality, we were so far apart from each other that it was hard to even imagine we shared blood.

“Is it really okay to part ways while things are like this?” I asked myself, posing the question to my reflection in the mirror.

My reflection didn’t answer, of course. It was just me, staring back with a depressed expression. I didn’t even need to meet my reflection’s eyes to know that she was trying to bring something to my attention.

There were so many things I wanted to talk to my brother about. I couldn’t even begin to list them all. I couldn’t possibly part ways with him now, with things being what they were.

Or so I’d thought. And then a year went by, and in the end, I couldn’t even make time for us to talk. But…things were different now. We could face each other now. I could meet him confidently, without hesitation. I could meet him proudly and we could say our final goodbyes.

“…No. It’s just no use.”

I wasn’t even qualified to say goodbye to him right now.

It was certainly true that our relationship had changed. I’d been able to get my brother to look at me. But…

I’d barely been able to show my brother how much I’d grown this past year. Even if I did manage to say goodbye to him now, I was sure it wouldn’t make him happy. If anything, it would only end up making him worry about his incompetent little sister. I couldn’t sully the three dazzling years my brother had spent here with feelings like that.

Maybe it would be better if we didn’t meet up at all? I ended up thinking to myself. I couldn’t bother him with my selfishness…

“No. That’s not right. That can’t be better, can it?” I said aloud, once again posing my question to my reflection in the mirror.

I couldn’t show him what I wanted to. Even so, that didn’t mean running away was the right answer. If I could confidently tell my brother that I was all right, everything would be okay. So what would I do? What should I do? I didn’t have much time left. I really wished I’d noticed my own foolishness much sooner. What if I had noticed it right after I had started school here?

“There’s no point in second-guessing what’s already happened, I suppose…”

It was now after eight o’clock in the morning. My brother would be leaving today at noon.

“What do I do…? What should I do?” I asked myself.

I’d thought that everything would be okay if I just showed him myself, as I am right now. But the person I was right now wasn’t the real me. I was just an incredibly foolish little sister who’d been doing nothing but chasing after her big brother. My reflection in the mirror seemed to overlap with my past self.

“Who…in the world…am I?”

That was right. The person reflected in the mirror was me, but it was not me.

“…A fake.”

In this moment, I was a fake. Thinking back, I’d spent more than half of my life living as an imposter. I’d been hiding who I really was, pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Pretending to be the little sister that my brother wanted. My outward appearance, my personality, my grades, everything—they were all for my brother.

An imposter I had created to be accepted by my brother. But there was no way my brother would ever accept such an imitation.

No, that wasn’t right. The person I’d been for all these years was most definitely me. I couldn’t call that an imitation. It was my true self, one I’d spent half my life with, although that was admittedly still a short period of time. I didn’t regret who I was now.

But…

“What I want to show him… What I really wanted my brother to see was…”

There was only one thing I could show him. I thought I could finally see what that was, now.

“…Thank you. My false, yet unmistakably real, self.”

I bowed to the mirror and my reflection in it. My long hair swayed. Then, I brought my head back up and looked away from the mirror. I was done facing my past self. There was no more time for that.

I had something I had to do, as myself. It was something I’d noticed right at the very last moment. A final gift for my brother, so that he could leave in peace.