Chapter 7: Adolescence About to Begin

Chapter 7: Adolescence About to Begin

Chapter 7:

Adolescence About to Begin

Q UITE A NUMBER OF THINGS had happened around me just during spring break. There was the incident with Matsushita, and before that, the ones with Horikita and Ichinose. There was the establishment of a cooperative relationship between Director Sakayanagi, Chabashira, and Mashima-sensei. And finally, there was my bargain with Tsukishiro.

I should probably be most vigilant of all about Tsukishiro. Unlike the other issues at hand, the problem he presented would just worsen if I ignored him. The next thing I knew, I might be getting told I was being kicked out of school. That was exactly why I needed to coordinate with the teachers to try to deal with this situation.

As for what Tsukishiro had said about sending in a student from the White Room, it wasn’t necessarily definite, but it was plausible. There was no way Tsukishiro could come and go in and out of the classrooms and the hallways all hours of the day. He could only attack me through indirect means, like the exams.

But if I was dealing with a student, that was a different story altogether. A student could come and go as they pleased in the classrooms and hallways. They could even come up and make contact with me at any time, affording them more chances to get me expelled. It would be a solid move in terms of gathering intelligence, too. If all of that did become a reality, it would be the biggest change that had taken place around me yet.

And then there were Horikita and Matsushita. Problems internal to the class, so to speak, each having their suspicions about my true abilities and wanting to know my full potential. I’d promised Horikita I’d have this little competition with her, but there was probably nothing else I needed to do for the time being.

As Ichinose, that could wait a while. After seeing what battles lay ahead, all that remained was to casually, indifferently, do what should be done. However, that only applied to the things that were happening around me. As for my internal changes…well, those were still very subtle.

At least…that was true until today.

There were only two days left until spring break ended. Just Tuesday and Wednesday. On these days, when students enjoyed their final rest before the new battles to come, I was determined to make a big change and take some action. If I was going to get things moving, this was the time.

It was now past six, the time of day when the sun started to set and night began to fall. There was a question I’d like to ask a great number of people, if possible. Let’s say, hypothetically, that there was someone of the opposite sex whom you liked. How would you push forward and open a path to the point where you would tell them you had romantic feelings for them?

I supposed that if you were an exceptionally beautiful man or woman, you could immediately confess your feelings to someone without needing to go about it in a roundabout manner or draw things out. If you said you liked them, and they said they liked you too, it would be happily ever after for all involved. But most people weren’t so blessed. People were insecure about their faces, their personalities, their bodies. Complications like love-triangles might form obstacles on the path to telling someone you love them. Ultimately, it was clear that confessing your feelings to someone—the gateway to romantic love—was certainly no easy task.

Which was precisely why I was mulling it over so seriously in my head, letting my thoughts carry me. I thought hard, racking my brain to calculate the certainty of success of such an endeavor. Of telling someone how you felt. Ten percent? Twenty percent? Or was there a success rate of fifty percent? I supposed that you might have an eighty percent, ninety percent, or even close to one-hundred percent rate of success, depending on the circumstances.

But even so, there would be uneasiness. People would be afraid that if their attempt failed, they’d get shut down when they told the other person how they felt. That the relationship they had with the other person would change dramatically. There might be a few positive-minded people out there who could shrug off such things, but to high schoolers, school was our world, and that world was everything. The possibility that the relationships you’d built within that world might fall apart was terrifying.

And so, people took such things very seriously. They’d think about what they could do in order to raise their chances of success, even if only by one percent, and start working toward that end. They might change their hairstyle to their crushes’ liking, as much as they could, or dress fashionably. They might study hard and work out, or try to approach their crush’s heart through their stomach by cooking them meals or going out to eat. They might even give them gifts.

They would use every trick in the book to try to improve their chances. Sometimes, this might make said chances jump from one percent all the way up to ninety-nine percent. But a single failure could also make your chances plummet fall from ninety-nine percent down to one percent. People would try desperately to read the other person to sense what they were feeling.

Such was the process of telling someone that you had a romantic interest in them. And I…experienced that process in the same way. I thought and I worried, just like any other man or woman.

But these feelings weren’t limited to romantic love. Speaking more broadly, there were unseen probabilities in everything, and they could fluctuate depending on what happened from day to day, just like how studying could increase your chances of being accepted into high school and college.

Additionally, simply being aware of all this could greatly change your understanding of the situation. It didn’t stop at school entrance exams or romance, either. Even if you succeeded at those things, it wasn’t like that was the end. If anything, it was the start of many new things. If you failed in your attempts to seek higher education, it might lead you to leaving school or getting expelled. Also, your love life could fall apart through cheating or violence.

I envisioned what the future would look like. A month from now. Six months from now. A year from now. Sometimes plans do change, but I didn’t exactly like acting in the spur-of-the-moment. That was especially true when it came to self-initiated actions.

Now then, let’s go back a bit. Everything I’d done up until today had been to affect a certain probability. In other words—to increase the probability of success, of course. Whether I’d be met with success or failure would be revealed today. If I was reading things correctly, I should be hearing from someone right about now.

The phone I was already clutching in my hand rang. There was a nondescript 11-digit phone number shown on my phone’s display. The number wasn’t registered in my phone, but it belonged to Karuizawa Kei.

“It’s me. Sorry for bugging you earlier,” I said, answering the phone after it rang a few times.

I had called Kei about thirty minutes ago, but she didn’t answer the phone then. She was just calling me back now.

“It’s fine. What’s up?” she asked.

“You sound like you’re irritated.”

“Not really. I guess, rather than saying I’m irritated, it’s more like I just want to make sure of something with you.”

“About the time when I asked you to come out before, and didn’t call back later?” I asked.

On the day that I met up with Hiyori, I had asked Kei to come out. But in the end, I didn’t tell her anything we’d had talked about. All I’d said to her was that I could call her later if I remembered. And I didn’t even try to get in touch with her again until close to the very end of spring break.

“It seems like you already know, then. What, are you trying to annoy me?” she asked.

“How about we talk about this in person?” I asked, cutting in.

“Huh?”

“About what I said. That I’d tell you if I remembered. I remembered. Can you come now?”

“For the love of… You do things based on your own time and convenience way too much, you know? But fine. But you know, if someone does happen to see me going to your room at this time of day, you sure you’re not gonna care what happens?” said Kei.

There would be many students coming and going in and out of the dorms at this time of day. The chances that Kei could be seen visiting my room were high.

“Don’t worry about that,” I replied, encouraging her to come.

“Okay. Oh, I do have plans at seven though, so I can’t take too long.”

“I’ll make it quick. Probably about ten or twenty minutes.”

“In that case, it’s no problem. See you soon,” said Kei, before hanging up.

Now then… Let’s get started, shall we? All preparations had been made. I looked around my room, which was even tidier than usual inside. I briefly glanced over at the mirror, gazing at my reflection with a serious look on my face. Then I quickly averted my eyes.

7.1

K EI SAT IN MY ROOM , looking quite displeased and sullen. Judging from the fact that she was dressed nicely, it did certainly look like she had plans to go out later.

“So? What is it?” said Kei, giving me a sour look when I didn’t start by saying anything. I supposed it wasn’t like I could call her here and then just stay mum.

“What do you mean, what?” I asked.

“What do you mean, what? You called me here because you said you wanted to talk, didn’t you?” said Kei.

“Oh, yeah, I did say that, come to think of it.”

“………”

“………”

The displeasure in Kei’s eyes got even more pronounced as I continued to act evasive.

“Come on, what is it already?” she huffed.

“Come on now, no need to be in such a rush.”

“I told you this before, but I have plans. I’m having dinner with my friends at seven at Keyaki Mall. Understand?” she asked.

“There’s still plenty of time. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, this is kind of giving me some bad vibes now. It feels like you’re talking complete nonsense.” Kei was starting to get suspicious, since I was behaving differently than usual. Since I wasn’t saying anything, she elected to complain instead. “…That reminds me. I need to tell you that I’m not happy with you.”

“Is there something you want to tell me?” To be honest, I really didn’t know what Kei wanted to say, so I just asked her that straight out.

“Satou-san has some suspicions. About our relationship,” said Kei.

Satou. A classmate whom I hadn’t interacted with much lately, but who’d taken a liking to me.

“I thought she’d hate me after I turned her down. What kind of suspicions?” I asked.

“She thinks the reason I broke up with Hirata-kun was so I could start going out with you. She tried to confirm her hunch in a sort of roundabout way,” said Kei.

Meaning that Satou had avoided directly saying anything about her suspicions, but said something ambiguous that could be interpreted that way instead.

“I denied it, of course. But I have my doubts about how much she actually believed me,” said Kei.

“I see. I actually have a similar story.”

“Huh? What do you mean, a similar story?”

“Matsushita. She has some suspicions about our relationship. Like if we’re dating.”

When I told Kei about the conversation I had with Matsushita the other day, her face went as white as a sheet.

“Huh? HUH? You’re kidding, right? Or wait, are you serious? You’re not joking?”

I nodded to show that it was certainly no joke. I continued speaking, explaining what happened. I told her how Matsushita was the kind of person who hid her true abilities, like me, and that thanks to her powers of observation, she had some doubts about my relationship with Kei. And that she also had her suspicions about my own abilities. Things like that.

“W-wait, hold on a second. I can’t wrap my head around all of this.” She placed a hand to her forehead, as if she had a headache. “Okay, I feel like things are really, really looking bad, but… What do you think?”

Kei, understanding the situation, asked me what I thought about it. No—she was asking me for a plan of action. This was related to what I had called her here for today, so I figured I’d give her a straight answer.

“Why don’t we just let it go? Not worry about it?” I asked.

“No way, we can’t do that! Besides, our relationship, it’s… There’s nothing really going on between us!” huffed Kei.

“You mean you don’t like people thinking that there’s something going on when there really isn’t? In that case, even if Matsushita were to go around spreading rumors or something, isn’t it fine to just let her say what she wants?” I replied.

“What? Just let her say whatever she wants…? We can’t just ignore something like this alone! Go talk to Matsushita-san right away. Tell her that there’s nothing going on between us,” said Kei.

“Even if I gave her a lame excuse like that, it would only have the opposite effect.”

“You knew all this from the start, didn’t you? Why did you give her some half-assed lie?” said Kei.

“No matter what I say, the situation won’t change. Satou has her suspicions that you and I have some kind of relationship, right? And if Matsushita is close friends with Satou, sooner or later, she’ll hear from Satou that there’s something unusual going on between us. Actually, there’s a good chance she already heard something from Satou and acted on it.” I had to consider the possibility that Matsushita had made contact with me after seeking the opinions of those around her.

“…I see. I guess that might be true, but…”

After that had happened, getting in touch with Kei was unavoidable. Even if I vigorously denied anything was going on, their suspicions would only be confirmed. If they found out I was lying, then they might spread word to everyone else. If that was the case, it would be best to get them on our side as quickly as possible.

But that wasn’t what Kei was concerned about, apparently.

“But, well…it’s just that, in the unlikely chance that people in class go around saying that the reason I broke up with Hirata-kun was, so, um, I could start dating you…and word got around the school, it’d be a problem,” said Kei.

“Why would it be a problem?” I asked.

“Well, you know, it’s just…if word did get around, then it would have certain, you know, effects , on my future.” She continued to press the issue, exhibiting her discontent. “Get it? Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if there’s like, talk or signs that you have something going on with the opposite sex, that means fewer people are going to approach you.”

Kei pointed her forefinger at me, holding it in front of my eyes, as if to ask me if I understood.

“Meaning I’m getting in the way of you finding a new love?” I asked.

“…Yes, that’s what it means,” she answered.

Looking at this from the perspective of an objective third party, I could certainly understand what she was getting at. People who knew that Sudou liked Horikita would be less likely to approach her. That was basically what she was saying.

“Do you really understand? Hey, hold on, are you listening?” Kei must have thought that I didn’t understand, because she continued speaking. “You…you’re pretty close with that girl, Shiina, right?”

“Shiina? Oh, you mean Hiyori?”

“Hiyo…” she replied, stammering.

Hiyori was one of the people I called by their first name. Of course, the list of people I called by first name also included Kei, as well as people like Haruka and Airi, and I was sure Kei already knew that. But it seemed she hadn’t thought of the people I was close to in other classes.

“Yeah, I suppose we are pretty close, sure. We share a hobby in that we both love reading. What about it?” I asked.

When I told her that, Kei’s expression changed.

“Huh…the same hobby. A love of reading…hm… Hm. That’s completely different from me,” said Kei.

Of course, Kei and Hiyori were completely different kinds of people. She should have known that already.

“So?” I asked.

“…Well, it’s just… Agh, whatever! I forgot what I was going to say!”

Kei, angry, crossed her arms in frustration and then looked the other way. Not long afterward, she seemed to calm down and opened her mouth to speak up once more, apparently having remembered what she wanted to say.

“Well, if word got around that you had something going on with me, then, well, it would make it harder for you to get, well, closer , with Shiina-san, right?” said Kei.

“I see. I suppose you might be right about that.”

When I replied with that, recognizing the truth of the matter, Kei stood up.

“Well, whatever. You’re free to get close to whoever you want,” she said, turning her back to me. “I’m sorry, but…can we talk about this some other time? I kind of want to get to Keyaki Mall a little early. There might be guys from other classes coming to hang out too, so I gotta be pretty on point to be able to dispel any rumors. I don’t really have the time to be worrying about you.”

“On point?” I asked.

“Since I broke up with Hirata-kun, I’m looking for a new boyfriend. Is that wrong?”

“No, it’s not.”

“…Okay, so, you get it? In that case, I’m gonna go.”

It looked like I’d gone a little overboard with the teasing. I stood up too, just as she did. Kei probably thought I was getting up to show her the door.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to,” she said, rejecting me forcefully.

I called out her name. “Kei.”

“What? What is it?” she huffed.

“If you don’t like it, then just ignore it. That’s it,” I replied.

“Huh?” she replied, exasperated.

She looked very cautious now, wary of what I was about to say next.

“Will you go out with me?” I asked.

“Huh?”

Kei furrowed her brow, unsure of what I meant.

“What? Like, hold on, go out where?”

Apparently, she’d interpreted what I said to mean that I had wanted her to accompany me someplace.

“That’s not what I meant. I’m asking you, will you go out with me? As in, dating.”

“Wait, hold on… I don’t understand…what you…mean…” stammered Kei.

There was probably no more need for words, just the way that I was looking into Kei’s eyes. She caught my gaze and returned it. Even in a tenuous relationship, if two people gazed into each other’s eyes like this, they could communicate their feelings to one another, to some extent.

“Wh…huh…wh…huh?! Wh-what kind of joke is this? Okay, this is just like totally problematic… ?!” shouted Kei.

“It’s not a joke.”

“B-but! Just now, you were just hinting that you had something going on with Shiina-san!” she wailed.

“ That was a joke.”

“But… These past few days…”

“That was just, well, you know. I guess I was trying to see if I could make you a little jealous, Kei.”

There’d hardly been any need for me to ask Kei to come out to the café so she could see me talking to Hiyori. But it was just one way to show her my rather clumsy, awkward idea of romance.

“I-if you’re lying about this, we are seriously going to be through, you and me… Okay, so if you want to take back this fake romantic confession, this is your last chance to do it… Do you really get it?” she asked.

Kei was a deeply skeptical, suspicious person, and this was a situation where she couldn’t simply just answer me with a yes or a no.

“This is not a joke in the slightest. I want to hear your answer,” I replied.

“Y… B-b-b-but wait, how am I supposed to, well…?!”

“I already told you. If you don’t like it, you can go ahead and ignore it. Or you can reject me. Whatever you want,” I told her.

“No one said anything about ignoring anything! B-but more importantly, why ?!”

“What do you mean, why?” I asked.

“Well, it’s…I’m…you know…and stuff. I mean like why ask me today, in the first place…?”

She wasn’t very clear with the first part of her statement, so I could only answer the second part of it.

“Why today, huh? Well, I can’t really explain the reason I did it today, but I can say why I wanted to do it now . It’s because I wanted to stop you from becoming someone else’s girlfriend,” I replied.

“Meaning…you, um…you like…me?” asked Kei.

The question Kei had just asked me was filled with more depth of emotion than I had ever felt before. At that moment—or rather, just before that moment—my heart trembled. I felt like I could answer her with certainty.

“That’s right. I like Karuizawa Kei,” I replied.

Telling someone that you had feelings for them was supposed to be one of the most significant events of your life. The moment when you laid your heart bare. I wondered if I had really managed to give Kei an answer to her question that came from my heart. Normally, the act of telling someone how you feel about them was motivated entirely by the simple fact that you love them. It was an act of courtship based on the desire to make the person you love your own.

“So, what’s your answer?” I asked.

The ball was now in Kei’s court. All that remained was to wait for her reply. Kei was trying her absolute hardest to organize the chaotic mess of her thoughts. Before she knew it, she averted her gaze and then desperately tried to bring her eyes back on to me.

“—I-I’ll go out with… you.”

“So, I can take that to mean you like me, then?”

“Y-you want me to say it?!” she wailed.

I understood that she was feeling flustered, but this confirmation was a part of the process that couldn’t be skipped. It was by receiving her answer that, for the first time, there would be a definite change in our relationship.

“Yeah, I want you to say it.”

I urged her to come out and say it. Kei, while surprised, didn’t explicitly reject my request.

“Um…”

It wasn’t like there was a third party listening in. Nor was there any kind of contract being signed and stamped. Only the two of us would know. Only the two of us were having this conversation. A promise that only the two of us would keep.

“Can you not answer?” If she couldn’t give me an answer, I would need to propose what we ought to do from here on out, I supposed.

“W-wait, hold on. I-I’m trying to hurry and get my feelings in order right now, so…!”

She suddenly extended both hands, holding them out in a gesture like she was asking me to stop rushing her. I decided to wait, quietly watching her and letting her take her time. Then, less than a minute later, Kei looked at me, and I could see the resolution in her eyes.

“…Okay, well? Agh, how do I say this…?”

Although she had made up her mind, it seemed she was still struggling to find the right words. Perhaps it was because seeing her like this was strangely adorable, I didn’t mind waiting.

“So, you… well, I…”

Although she was struggling hard to gather up the courage—a great deal of courage—she never once looked away. Perhaps that was proof of Kei’s firm determination. The force of Karuizawa Kei’s will. The conviction to carry something through once a decision had been made, no matter what the circumstances may be.

“I-I like…um… Well, I guess I should say…”

Her voice gradually became quieter and quieter, until it was a whisper, though she continued to struggle forward, mumbling through her feelings.

“I’ve come to…like you…too… It’s frustrating, but… Okay, I-I admit it! I admit it, I like you!”

I didn’t know why she was angry. But anyway, Kei had put her answer into words, saying that it was mutual. She liked me back.

I reached out and gently grabbed hold of both of Kei’s arms.

“W-wait, wait?! D-don’t tell me you wanna starting kissing or something?!” she wailed.

Her reaction was even more intense than when I told her that I liked her. Even if I did go in for a kiss right now, I didn’t think she’d object. But I wasn’t going to go that far.

“I’m not. Not yet.”

“N… Not yet…”

By wording it that way, I was saying it was something we could consider doing in the future. When Kei imagined that, she stiffened, as if she had been frozen in ice. I pulled her into my arms, in a gentle embrace. That was proof that our relationship had taken a big step forward.

“Just doing this much is fine, right?” I asked.

“…Well, I suppose this much is…”

Even though I couldn’t see her face, I understood. Right now, Kei probably felt confused, nervous, and happy. I was sure the look on her face right now was probably a cross between a smile and something indescribable.

“Hey, have you gotten a little bit taller?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I replied.

When I was measured before starting school here, I was one hundred and seventy-six centimeters tall. It wouldn’t be strange if I’d grown over this past year. I’m sure the other students had probably grown too.

People are creatures that grow and develop. And they are creatures that love to learn. That was instinct. Just like learning how to ride a bike or how to swim. Just like learning how to handle chopsticks and how to drink through a straw. I was learning to love, through Kei, and it was something I hadn’t learned to do in my life so far. Something I hadn’t been able to learn in the White Room. I was compelled by my inquisitive mind.

Also, there was one other important reason for me choosing Kei for this. It was because this romance was necessary for Karuizawa Kei to grow as a person.

Looking ahead to the next year, her relationship with me was going to be very important. If Kei continued to live as a parasite that needed to attach itself to a host, she would eventually break down. This step was vital to prevent that from happening.

I…

I wondered what kind of expression I had on my face right now? Was I smiling? Or did I perhaps have a look of embarrassment? Maybe I looked flustered, or maybe I had a big, goofy grin?

I didn’t know.

I didn’t know what kind of look I had on my face right now.

…No.

That’s not right. I did actually know the look I had on my face right now. I knew what I was thinking and what I was trying to do.

People take joy in learning. It’s the same whether it’s studying, exercising, or even when you’re playing a game. You feel pleasure when you realize you’ve improved.

It was the same with love.

I didn’t know anything about love. Not romantic love, and not familial or platonic love. I didn’t know anything about the relationships between men and women. The shyness and the pleasure that awaited them in those relationships, I didn’t know anything about those things.

I was sure that I would find answers for each of those things in the near future. But nothing would probably change as a result. I was just learning is all. I would grow and move forward. I could say that Kei was like a textbook about the opposite sex for me, in a manner of speaking. Once I was done reading it, that textbook would have served its purpose.

Or perhaps…

Maybe there was a future in store that wasn’t like that? Would I become someone irreplaceable to her, never leaving her side? I didn’t know. There was a part of me that wished for that to happen. And another part that realized it was impossible.

Please, I prayed.

In this moment, as I was smiling happily while embracing someone precious to me, I sent up a prayer. As I gently hugged Kei, I silently wished to myself that I would become a young student who would vow to take care of her.