CHAPTER 3

Carnivorous Chimera

1

The audience chamber, kingdom of Grace.

“Snow, raise your head,” Tillis orders a trembling Snow.

“…Yes, Your Highness.”

Seems they haven’t found the king yet since Tillis is sitting on the throne.

Having successfully escaped…that is, returned, from Toris, we’re here to report on our mission.

As a result of our report, Snow is bowed flat against the floor, head pressed down in supplication and avoiding eye contact with the calmly smiling Tillis.

She fearfully raises her head, trying to gauge the mood in the room.

“Snow, what’s done is done,” I tell her. “Stop moping and move on.”

“You bastard! You bastard! YOU BASTAAAARD!”

Snow jumps up and snarls at me at my attempt to comfort her.

My ultimate party trick froze time in the banquet hall, then caused the knights to go berserk.

Alice got us out of the situation with her quick thinking, taking Engel hostage and buying us the space to get out of the castle…

“I did not expect to receive a declaration of war for sending Snow on a mission of friendship.” What comes out of Tillis’s mouth sounds like a half chuckle. Her tone is mild, but her eyes show no sign of amusement.

“Your Highness! It’s truly not my fault. I was a step away from successfully seducing Prince Engel! If I, Snow, wound up unable to ride a unicorn, Toris would owe our kingdom, and I could indulge in a life of luxury. Hence I put myself out there with the intent to seduce him…”

“I—I see. I had hoped you would use some of your wiles, but I did not expect that level of commitment from you…”

Tillis seems a little repulsed by the explanation, but Snow points her finger at me.

“But this fool ruined it all! Six, what possessed you to do something so stupid?! Just how badly diseased is your soul that you could place such a thing atop the prince’s head?!”

“How dare you call it stupid! It’s a legendary party trick in my country! Each country has its own culture and its own standards. It’s a big world. Don’t judge everything by your narrow standards.”

Still, I do feel a little bad about it, and I’m sitting on the floor with my legs under me in penitence.

“A-and why did you, Sir Six, perform such a party trick…?”

“I was pissed off. I guess I regret it now, though.”

“Put more sincerity behind your apology, dammit!”

I mean, what’s done is done. I wish we could move on already.

“In addition to the crime against the prince…the declaration of war notes that there were attempts at intimidation…”

Tillis looks over the declaration, then casts her gaze to Snow.

“Oh! That’s all her!” I said. “She was throwing in little threats here and there. She even requested bribes from their diplomrrrph…!”

“Damn you! It’s a misunderstanding, Your Highness. I wasn’t trying to intimidate them. I was only trying to secure an advantage in negotiations by showing we had the teeth to back up our words… As for a bribe? Why, that was also a diplomatic tactic! I was only trying to see how they’d react to a straight-up demand!”

Snow covers my mouth with her hand, flinging outlandish excuses to see if they’ll stick.

Tillis calmly gazes down at Snow from the throne. “Snow, Captain of the Royal Guard. You are hereby stripped of your command. You are to remain in your current role and continue serving as second in command of the squadron.”

“Noooooo… Just as I finally recover my position, I’m demoted again…”

Tears stream down Snow’s face, but Tillis simply sighs.

“Well, it appears I have to add this mess to the list of issues to deal with… Sir Six, what do you intend to do? Unfortunately, blame for this incident rests squarely upon our shoulders. Even if we engage in open warfare, it’s likely our neighboring countries will side with Toris…”

“Alice says we should go around loudly advertising the fact that Toris has signed a nonaggression pact with the Demon Lord. Declare them enemies of humanity. If they bring up this incident, we deny it ever happened and claim it’s a lie they’ve made up to distract from the fact they’ve betrayed everybody else.”

Tillis goes motionless for a moment, then raises her brow.

“…I’m well aware I’m no saint, but her personality is something else. Still, let us go with that tactic for the neighboring countries. The nonaggression pact is real, after all…”

Even as she seems a little put off by the sheer audacity of the tactic, Tillis nods her assent to the proposal.

Alice figures so long as we stick to our story, the other countries won’t consider us the only bad guy in this fight.

“No doubt Toris will require time to prepare for war, so I doubt they will invade any time soon. At this point, there’s nothing we can do but reinforce our defenses and prepare for attacks from both the Demon Lord’s Army and Toris.” Tillis appears to have settled that particular issue to her satisfaction, her expression softening into something less stern. “Still, the primary issue remains… How shall we secure the water we need…?”

She frowns with concern…

As though waiting for that opening, Snow raises her head and pipes up. “Your Highness, I believe I have a solution! This man can requisition items from his country. Why not have him request a large supply of water? And once that solves our water problems, perhaps I can be restored to my old rank…”

“Hold up, just how many points do you think I have? It’d cost way too much to get enough water to fill the needs for an entire country! Besides, this is your fault for taking so long to seduce that old man! That body of is yours is your only real asset, and you can’t even use it properly!”

Snow raises her brows in anger…! “That’s enough out of you! It’s your damned fault I got demoted!”

“Yeah? You wanna go? Want a piece of this?! I’ll kick your sorry ass!”

As we start grappling, Tillis lets out a sigh of exasperation.

While locked in a test of arm strength with me, Snow appears to have a realization of some sort.

“Wait! Your Highness, the rain-making artifact is still usable! With His Majesty nowhere to be found, if Your Highness can take it upon yourself…!”

“Still, the primary issue remains… How shall we secure the water we need…?” Tillis completely ignores Snow, repeating her line from earlier.

Still grappling with Snow, I lower my voice and start whispering.

“Hey, Snow, I’ll grab Tillis. You go gather up enough people for the ritual. We aren’t betraying her; it’s for the good of the country. Gather a crowd in the courtyard and tell them Tillis is going to activate the artifact…”

“Of course, we can make it impossible for her to back down! You’re right. This isn’t a betrayal; it’s to save the country. No doubt in the end, Her Highness will understand…”

“Ah, I’ve got it!” Tillis interrupts our whispered conversation with an overly cheerful note.

Is it my imagination, or does she seem a little panicked?

“Knight Snow, I hereby task you with an assignment.”

Noticing my gaze, Tillis hardens her expression, turning a solemn look toward the kneeling Snow.

“The Tezan Desert, the desolate domain of the Sand King. You are aware of tales that the center of this desert is lush with vegetation, yes? And what the fruits that grow on these trees can do?”

“Yes, Your Highness! The water fruits, despite being only the size of a fingertip, produce a pool’s worth of water when squeezed… Um… Your Highness? I’m sure I’m mistaken but…”

Tillis orders flatly to a pale and trembling Snow.

“Go get those fruits.”

2

“I’m not going! You can’t make me! The Sand King is one of those giant monsters that even the Demon Lord runs away from! Wandering into its territory is suicide!”

Rose is throwing a tantrum, clinging to the city gate and refusing to budge.

“It’s all right, Rose, we’re not actually going to fight the Sand King! Besides, I’m told the Sand King’s only active during the day. We’re going to sneak in and out at night, all right? I’ll buy you lots of delicious meat when we return!”

“Stop fighting! If I’m getting dragged into it, so are you! Snow’ll buy you delicious meats, and I’ll prepare some rare sweets! You ever had candy? Besides, we’re all responsible for screwing up that last mission! You can’t just sit this one out!”

Snow and I try our hand at persuasion, but Rose digs her nails into the city gate and refuses to budge.

“You can’t get me to listen to you just by offering me tasty food! As for the last mission being everyone’s fault, I didn’t even do anything! Though I am interested in that ‘candy’ you mentioned! What’s it like?”

Despite the tears welling up in her eyes, Rose appears to be less panicked than she lets on, and Alice takes out something, offering it to Rose.

“Well, if the two of them are offering you treats, I’ll offer a power-up item. Do you know what this is?”

It appears this draws Rose’s curiosity, and she stops crying.

“…What is it?”

“This is a battery. It’s concentrated electric energy. Try eating it. You’ll be able to breathe lightning breath…”

“I’m not eating that! That’s clearly not food!”

Rose turns her face away, but Snow and I exchange glances.

“Now, now. It’s not good to be a picky eater. Here, let me feed it to you. If you eat this and get stronger, you won’t have to worry about the Sand King. Please, Rose, just say ‘ah’…”

“Wh-whoa, I’m actually kind of impressed. She’s resisting my power armor…! But give it up! Starting today, you’re going to be the Electric Chimera…!”

“I’ll go! I’ll go already! I’ll go; just don’t make me eat that!”

Piling into the buggy, we speed along the dark roads with the night vision–equipped Alice at the wheel.

“Sniff, sniff… When we get home you owe me delicious meat and candy… I won’t forget…”

“I won’t forgive them… I absolutely won’t forgive them… That Harmel, who whispered sweet words to me despite being engaged… Gilbert, who showed me kindness despite having a wife and children… Isaac, who offered me a hand, telling me I would ruin my dress, then turned out to be gay… All the men of that kingdom, all of them, toying with my feelings…!” Grimm mutters darkly. She had gotten into the buggy early, keeping to herself while we struggled to convince Rose. Seems she’s still smarting from her failures in Toris.

It’s not like any of the men did her wrong. It was Grimm who was getting the wrong idea, but it doesn’t seem that logic is going to work on this walking time bomb.

Oh, speaking of which.

“Hey, Grimm, I wanted to ask you something.” Something had been bothering me since that evening.

“What is it, Commander? I’m in a bad mood. I’m fouler than the Demon Lord’s Army and pointier than Blood the Hedgehog! Watch yourself. I’ll curse you if you ask a stupid question!”

“I just wanted to ask about your curses, Miss Dumpsalot… Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that! Don’t glare at me while clutching a doll! It’s creepy as hell!”

Yeah, what I wanted to ask about was her curses. When we were in Toris the other day, the prince was acting pretty oddly. Or, more precisely, he was the complete opposite of his reputation. And something about that bothered me.

“What is it? Do you want to curse someone? What a coincidence! I’m in a mood to curse someone tonight. How about it, Commander? Once we’re done with this mission, shall we go on a curse-spreading date?”

“Hell no. And what the hell is a curse-spreading date anyway? Do you go around cursing random people every time you’re dumped?”

Grimm hugs her knees to her chest, looking at me with her head tilted to one side.

“So you tossed a curse at me when we were in the castle in Toris, right? The impotence one. What happens if the target dodges the curse? I noticed the ring you offered as a sacrifice vanished.”

“Ordinarily, you can’t actually dodge a curse. But, well, let’s take Heine for example. When I was trying to curse her, the bitch hid behind a golem. Basically, unless you hide behind a wall that’s been animated using magic, the curse keeps going until it hits a living creature and triggers…” Grimm trails off mid-explanation, the color swiftly draining from her face.

“So where did that curse go?”

“I bet it went out to play.”

I grab Grimm’s head as she tries to look away. “Are you familiar with the prince of Toris’s reputation and all the rumors surrounding him?”

“Nope, not at all. Rose is my only friend, after all. I have no one to trade gossip with!”

I ignore Grimm’s casually depressing statement.

“The prince had quite a reputation as a handsy old fart. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself when he saw a beautiful young woman. Snow was all excited hearing about that reputation, but he basically ignored her efforts…”

Grimm curls her lips into a slight smile, then presses her index finger to my lips to quiet me. “Say, Commander? Isn’t the idea of sharing a secret kind of romantic?”

I swat her hand out of the way. “Nope! Not at all! Hey, listen up, everyone! Looks like Grimm really stepped in it this time!”

“Wait, Commander! We can’t be sure that it’s my curse’s fault! There might be other reasons! Like he might just have been sick that day! Or maybe Snow just wasn’t very attractive!”

“What did you just say, Grimm? Something about me being unattractive?”

Ah-ha! So that old man got hit by Grimm’s curse and became impotent!

“Damn! That’s a whole new type of scary! I mean, there are times when I’m repelled by Snow’s greed and occasional shortcomings, but you’re on a completely different level of awful!”

“H-how about if we think of it this way? I protected Snow’s virtue! I—I mean Snow was about to sell herself for way below market value! A girl should be pickier about who she lets touch her!” Grimm starts laying out an unconvincing string of excuses.

“Uh, didn’t you show me your underwear when we first met?”

“W-well that…! At the time I thought you were a good catch! Young and already a squadron commander! I didn’t know you were a spendthrift, perennial lackey who was a complete failure as a man…”

……

“As for ‘girls’ being pickier about who they get close to, are you even at an age where you can call yourself a girl?”

“O Great Lord Zenarith, I beseech thee! Deliver disaster unto this man! Become unable to masturbate…!”

“Stop! If you trigger that curse I’m gonna make you pay for it with your body!”

I hurriedly hold down Grimm to stop her curse, when I hear soft laughter coming from next to me.

This is hardly the time to be laughing; not when we’re about to go strolling through the Sand King’s domain. I look over to see which fool is laughing and see Rose happily giggling away.

“Boss. I’m still afraid of the Sand King, but I don’t mind going out on trips with everyone like this. It’s like a picnic!”

The innocent laughter drains the malice from Grimm and me. We just exchange glances and let out a tired laugh.

3

“Say, Rose. You said something about it being like a picnic earlier,” Grimm comments. “Are you sure? Can you look at this and say the same thing? Whose mouth was going on about picnics? Was it this one?”

“Ow, ow! I’m thowwy! I’m thowwy!”

Our buggy is currently stuck in the jaws of a giant antlion.

“Can you two stop playing around and do something? What the hell is that thing?!”

Flashing a light out into the night reveals a giant grotesque bug.

Grabbing the seat in front of me as the buggy tilts to the side, I call out to Grimm, who is busily pinching Rose’s cheeks.

“That’s a huge antlion! It’s a deadly magical monster that makes its nests in the Tezan Desert, devouring passing animals! This is definitely the wrong kind of opponent for a delicate and frail Miss Grimm! In fact, I really can’t handle bugs at all!”

“Owfh! Ow!”

Grimm’s hands tighten their grip on Rose’s cheeks.

“S-so what are we going to do, Six?” Snow asks. “Kill it? That thing’s a pretty strong opponent! It’s true that given my recent demotion, I’d like to have some wins under my belt, but…”

“I’m pretty fond of resting on my laurels myself, but not enough to take on that thing…! I know! Bug spray! Let’s have Kisaragi send us enough of the powerful bug spray, Zap’em, to take out this bug…” I reach for my wrist teleporter in a panic.

Alice, who had been randomly shifting gears, turns to me and snaps me out of it. “Do you have any idea how much bug spray we’d need to kill something that big? Hold on, I’m going to floor it. Kisaragi Corporation vehicles have excellent performance. No mere bug is going to defeat one.”

As a fellow Kisaragi-manufactured machine, Alice apparently doesn’t want our buggy to lose. She revs up the buggy’s engine and accelerates.

The rapidly spinning tires eat away at the giant creature’s body. Unable to bear it for long, the antlion opens its jaws, letting us go.

As the buggy lands on the soft sand below and escapes, everyone inside lets out a sigh of relief.

“<Hey, Alice, don’t you think this planet’s got too much in the way of dangerous fauna? I mean, first the forest and now this. Are you sure our bosses want land crawling with these things? Why don’t we just abandon this place and head back to Earth?>”

“<However inhospitable it might seem, land is still land. If the population keeps growing at the current rate, we’ll run out of habitable land on Earth sometime in the next ten years. Dangerous life-forms can be exterminated. Desolate lands can be improved. There’s nothing we can’t do. Kisaragi’s technology is amazing. After all, it created me.>”

Alice replies to my remark in Japanese. Evidently, she’s got a lot of confidence and pride in the Kisaragi technology that created her. She’s not usually so assertive.

“<…Well, I suppose. Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what this Sand King actually is, but for Kisaragi, it’s just another target. Besides, if we can get rid of it, our rivals will calm down a bit, right? In that case, killing it now is a pretty viable option. Kill it and force the demons to hand over some of their territory.>”

“<Good thinking, Six. I’m glad you haven’t forgotten our assignment. Let’s increase Kisaragi’s territory by the end of the month. All we’ve got right now is that tiny hideout. We need to fulfill our quota before Astaroth loses her patience.>”

Alice and I share a malicious grin.

A moon larger than the one seen from Earth quietly illuminates the desert sky. Thanks to the abundant light, we easily find the trees we’re looking for.

Dismounting from the buggy, we take a few steps to check the ground underfoot. I stomp hard enough that my footfalls ring out with audible thumps, but perhaps because of the root systems, the ground is as firm as stone.

“Huh, there’s actually trees growing in the middle of the desert. They don’t seem to have leaves. I wonder if they’re a type of cactus.”

“Could be there’s an aquifer below us. You guys start gathering the fruits. I’ll search underground.”

Leaving Alice to her surveying, I take a glance around. “It’s not just the animals on this planet that are weird. The plant life’s odd, too. Is there really water in this tiny fruit?” I pick a piece of fruit growing on one of the trees and stare intently at it.

“I’m told those fruits are sealed with magic, compressing the water inside. If you use dispelling magic and squeeze it, it’ll produce an enormous amount of water. If we grab all the fruit we see, it should be enough of an accomplishment to undo my demotion!”

At Snow’s excited talk, Alice twitches.

“Again with the magic. Every time I hear that ridiculous word, it’s like a direct insult to my very existence.”

“Does this brat still not believe magic is real?! I mean, you’ve seen me curse people. How do you explain the fact that my dolls and rings disappear as payment?”

These two can’t seem to let this subject drop. Every time magic comes up they get into an argument.

Alice raises her head slowly, as if not wanting to deal with the subject, and starts manipulating her teleporter. A few moments later, underground surveying equipment appears near her hands.

“See? I just produced tools out of thin air. This isn’t magic. Since I can do the same thing, Grimm’s sacrifices aren’t evidence of magic.”

“Wait a minute. That thing you two are always doing—it’s not magic?! How do you explain the fact that I can’t wear shoes as a price for one of my curses?”

I get that science and superstition are like oil and water, but given the fact there might be monsters nearby, I wish they’d argue a little more quietly.

“I keep telling you. Curses are just a form of hypnosis. As for these ‘costs’ when you fail. It’s just self-suggestion to strengthen the hypnotic effect.”

“What a stubborn little brat! Fine! If you’re going to insist, I’ll cast a curse on you! If you want to keep claiming it’s hypnosis then be my guest!”

Grimm clutches at a doll, glaring sharply at Alice—

“Hey, Six, go ahead and restrain Grimm for a bit. I’ll have Kisaragi send us some shoes, and we can force her to wear them. I’m tired of moving her around on a wheelchair. I’ll prove to her once and for all that there’s no such thing as curses or costs.”

“All right, leave it to me.”

“Noooooo! Stop! Don’t you dare! If you put shoes on me, my body will explode into a million pieces! You don’t want to see something that gory, do you?! You won’t be able to eat for at least three days!”

Seriously? She explodes if she ignores the cost of a curse?

“Self-destructing is the dream of every villain. If Grimm explodes, we’ll go ahead and promote her into a full Kisaragi operative. I’ll leave a Kisaragi badge on your grave.”

“Commander! Stop this child! Snow! Rose! Stop gathering fruit and help me!”

As Grimm struggles against my restraining hold, Alice begins working with her device—

Just then…

“Wh-whoa?! A-an earthquake?!”

At the sudden shaking under my feet, I can’t help but let go of Grimm.

The others lose their footing from the shaking and crouch down, while the newly released Grimm opens some distance between us.

“Now see! This is Lord Zenarith’s anger! Your disrespect toward me caused the ground to shake!”

She puffs out her chest and points her finger at Alice…

But Alice ignores both Grimm and the earthquake, starting her survey of the ground below.

“You little brat. You’ve been getting away with far too much blasphemy! Go on, apologize to Miss Grimm…” But before Grimm can finish speaking, the ground shakes again, as if reacting to the yelling. Everyone in the area goes quiet.

“…Guys, get in the buggy. Not another word. Just get in quietly. We’re leaving.”

Alice looks up from her survey and issues the instructions. I can’t shake the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I follow the instructions without complaint.

The others, feeling something is amiss, climb into the buggy without a sound. Once Alice confirms everyone’s here, she silently revs the engine—!

“Hey, Alice, I’m tired of this planet. Can we go home yet?”

“Don’t say things like that, partner. This planet’s got so many interesting things going for it!”

The ground shakes much more violently as the buggy darts ahead.

“The ground’s starting to bulge. What’s going on?!”

“Looks like we’re currently on the Sand King’s back. After checking the results of my scan, it seems this entire area registers as a life-form.”

Even as Alice explains, the trees receding in the distance begin to bulge upward. With it flows a torrent of sand.

The moonlight reveals a giant mole with trees growing on its back.

Roughly the size of a school gymnasium, this is the giant monster known as the Sand King.

“Wow, that’s the first time I’ve seen the Sand King. I heard it was big, but I had no idea it was that big…”

Rose observes rather casually as Snow gazes intently at the gathered fruit. “Say, Six. Does that mean this fruit is the Sand King’s…?”

“It’s probably an organ for storing water, yeah. Not sure running off with them was a good idea.”

As if in response, the Sand King finishes its leisurely process of standing and glances at our buggy. To be honest, it’s kinda cute, and it twitches its nose just before—

“Six! The Sand King’s following us! Wh-wh-what do we do? It’s really fast for its size! It’s going to catch us!”

Despite its enormous size, it races after the buggy.

“Alice! Can’t this thing go any faster?! You said Kisaragi’s technology is awesome! Didn’t you say there’s nothing we couldn’t do?!”

“Calm down, Six. Kisaragi’s save and load technology is peerless. I’ll do better next time.”

“You’re the only one who can make use of it! Screw it! Let’s play whack-a-mole!”

With a body that big, I doubt even a rifle will do much to it. But if I can get close enough to slash a vital organ with my R-Buzzsaw…!

“Hold on, Six. When I give the signal, jump out of the car. Don’t make a sound. Also, no movement of any kind, no matter what happens.”

After issuing some odd instructions, Alice unlocks the doors, then suddenly turns the wheel, sending the buggy skidding into a wide arc.

“Now!”

I jump out of the buggy at Alice’s command, rolling onto the desert sands.

Instead of attacking me, the Sand King chases after the buggy heading off in the opposite direction.

The buggy and Sand King recede into the distance.

I guess the Sand King eventually caught up to the buggy and attacked it, given the distant sounds of an explosion…

“We should be far enough away now.”

With the buggy destroyed by the Sand King, we’ve started our walk back to town.

Lit by the shimmering moon’s glow, Alice leads the way without so much as stumbling on the sand. “Doesn’t seem it’s nearby for the time being. Moles have poor eyesight, but they can find their prey through sound and vibrations.”

“Dammit! Trudging across the desert on foot?! This is torture! And of course we lost the buggy. All those points down the drain…”

It’s been several hours since the Sand King started chasing us. We’ve been walking the whole time.

“Hey, Six, what’s your point count?”

“I’ve only got ten right now. Having them send us a tent will clean me out. I was still in the negatives until last month. Yet, I managed to save up a pretty impressive amount by diligently doing acts of villainy…”

“J-just what are d-diligent acts of villainy…?”

It costs about three hundred points to secure a buggy, and I spent most of my points ordering a buggy for our trip to Toris and buying equipment to fight the past few skirmishes.

I want to get some sort of vehicle to cross this damn desert, but I can’t do that with the points on hand.

“So, Rose… You’re gonna get a lot of meat and sweets when we get back to town, right? I’ll buy you lots of veggies if you carry me on your back. The cold sands at night are pretty harsh on bare feet. And I left my wheels at my room.”

“Why did you try a curse that would make it impossible to wear shoes? Wasn’t there a better curse to try?”

Behind us, Grimm is begging for Rose to carry her.

“That’s a long story. A very long story… The story begins…years ago…”

“Wait, how many years ago…? I think I missed a word…”

It’s a peaceful conversation. Makes it pretty hard to believe we were being chased by the Sand King a few hours ago.

Snow furrows her brow, smiling ruefully. “I dropped most of the fruits while running away and only kept one, but…” She holds up the small fruit. “Look, Six. We took water from the Sand King and got away without losing anyone. That’s plenty to be proud of… You agree, right?”

Illuminated by the glow of the incredibly large moon, she smiles happily.

Snow’s smile is infectious as the others all relax with the realization we’ve escaped the Sand King’s wrath.

Far from Earth on this moonlit desert…

“…Yeah, agreed.”

…I couldn’t help but smile as well.

4

[Desert Crossing: Day One]

As the desert sun beats down on me, I force my heavy legs onward.

“Why’s it so hot?!” Snow complains for the umpteenth time today, her mildly inspirational remark from last night long forgotten.

“Shut up! We’re all roasting here. Your complaining’s just making it feel hotter!”

The mystical night gave way to a blazing sun. After basking in a feeling of comradery last night, right now we’d be at each other’s throats if we weren’t busy being burned alive.

“Speaking of things that feel hotter, your armor! Take that damned black armor off! Just looking at you makes me feel hotter!”

“This thing’s equipped with a body-heat adjuster! It makes trudging through the desert at least a little bit more bearable!”

My power armor is a useful piece of equipment that makes it easier to sleep outdoors even during broad daylight in the desert or the extreme cold of the Arctic.

Of course, it’s been years since I had it properly maintained, so the internal cooler isn’t working as well as it ought to, but I’m probably still better off than the others.

“Wh-what…?! You son of a…! Let me have a piece of that armor! Even if it’s just the breastplate!”

“There’d be no point. This armor’s made for my body and my body only. If you’re so damn hot, why don’t you just strip naked?”

We begin a futile argument in the middle of the Tezan Desert.

“Will you two stop? Arguments will just make you hungrier and thirstier! Come on! It’s not that far! Let’s just get through this!” Rose maintains a positive attitude while carrying the motionless Grimm on her back. It’s only the first day of our march, but Grimm’s already dead weight.

“Yeah! Listen to Rose. She’s the youngest here, but she’s been the most mature. You’ve been bitching the loudest here.”

“Grimm was a lot louder until just a few minutes ago!”

As a follower of a dark god and basically half-undead, Grimm and the sun aren’t exactly friends. The intense sunlight quickly dried her out and knocked her out of the march. We covered her with a hood to avoid mummifying her, but I’d like to revive her as soon as possible.

“I suppose the one bright side to this desert march is that we don’t have to worry about water. I don’t need it, but the rest of you will die without it. Even if we only have one, this fruit is a saving grace,” Alice says cheerfully from the front of our convoy as she turns the fruit over in her palm.

Snow looks at her curiously. “You know, I’d heard about Alice, but I had trouble believing she was a golem. She doesn’t look much different from a human at first glance…”

“Technically, I’m not a golem, but whatever. Close enough.”

Currently we’re having Alice guide us using her internal map. She’s also rationing our water. If we didn’t have her along, we’d have gotten lost in the middle of the desert and ended up as vulture food.

Unlike a rapidly mummifying archbishop, my partner’s plenty useful here and there.

“The water is great, but I’d like something to eat, too…”

“…True. If worse comes to worst, we can eat monsters we encounter. Survival is a core skill for a Combat Agent. We can’t be too picky about what we eat when survival’s at stake. Let’s eat the next monster we run into! Got it?”

My tone leaves no room for argument, and the others nod meekly in response.

[Desert Crossing: Day Two]

“Nope, nope, nope, nope. Can’t do it! This thing’s still got the head on! I mean, I can’t eat a humanoid!”

“Boss, you were the one who said we’re eating the next monster we run into! Please don’t be a picky eater. You’ll die if you don’t eat.”

“Where’s your usual bravado? How pathetic. Rose, pry his jaws open. I’ll force the food down his throat.”

In the middle of the moonlit desert, we’re currently stewing orcs in a pot.

“Anything but orcs! I mean, we can talk to these things!”

As I try to resist Rose’s superhuman strength, Snow smiles reassuringly toward me. “Oh, there’s nothing to worry about. While orcs in the Demon Lord’s Army can speak the common tongue, wild orcs can only speak barbarian languages. You can’t actually converse with them, so you can eat them without guilt.”

What? No, that’s not the issue here!

“Alice, help! They’re trying to make me eat orc!”

“Relax. I’ve checked the composition. It’s quality protein. It’s not poisonous, either. You’ll be fine.”

I’m saying I can’t eat intelligent life!

“You usually eat worse at the bar! Why are you suddenly so squeamish about eating orc now?”

“That’s right, Boss. You usually devour things even I struggle with! Orcs are nothing in comparison!”

Wait, what? “W-wait, what do I usually eat? What the heck is so bad even Rose struggles with it?” I ask reflexively, opening my mouth.

Snow takes the moment to press the orc to my lips. “Here, I’ll feed it to you. Say ahh…”

“Stop! I can’t do orc! Gaaaah! At least feed me the shoulder instead of the head!”

[Desert Crossing: Day Three]

We’ve switched over to taking shelter from the sun during the day with our tent and marching during the cold nights.

So currently we’re hiding from the blazing sun.

“Hey, Six. The situation’s getting pretty bad. I need you to do something for me,” Alice says with a serious expression inside the sweltering tent.

“Go on.”

“Go pull down Snow’s panties,” Alice requests out of the blue.

“What the hell?” I shout at her. “Alice! Get it together! You’re the only reliable one in this group!”

“All right, partner. I’ve got this.”

“What? No, you don’t ‘got this’! Get away from me! Alice, did the heat break you?!”

“Boss, what are you doing in the middle of an emergency? Miss Alice, don’t egg him on at a time like this!”

Alice maintains her level expression despite complaints from Snow and Rose. “Listen carefully. Each time Six does an evil act, he gets points in response. And with those points in hand…”

“““Ohhh!”””

Of course. Why didn’t I think of this before? It’s not like I have to limit my villainy to the city. There’s a perfect target right here.

I turn to face Snow and say with a serious expression. “You must be hot. I’ll help you out of your clothes.”

“Go to hell!”

As I try to forcefully strip her, Snow draws her swords and drops into a stance.

“Could you not do that in this crowded tent? Please, Boss, Miss Snow, calm down! Let’s save it until we’re out of options!”

We manage to calm the situation temporarily thanks to Rose’s desperate attempts to restrain us, but…

“I feel like we’re out of options as it is… Besides, it’s not like Snow and I haven’t engaged in friendly groping or underwear grabbing in the past.”

“Shut up! Stop talking! Besides, if things get that desperate, I shouldn’t be the only sacrifice! We’ll draw lots! Rose, you’re taking part, of course.”

“What?!”

Watching our argument from the side, Alice gestures me over.

“…?” I approach, puzzled, and Alice jerks her thumb toward the sleeping Grimm’s skirt.

……

<Evil Points Acquired>

“S-Six! You’re not going to—?! That’s low… That’s too much for me…!”

“B-Boss… That’s awful…”

“N-no you have the wrong— I’m only doing this because Alice told me to…!”

Snow and Rose stare coldly at me as I hike up Grimm’s skirt.

[Desert Crossing: Day Four]

There aren’t many monsters around the desert at night.

We’re starting to have trouble finding food, but I still can’t stomach orc.

I tried to replenish my Evil Points by hiking up Grimm’s skirt again, but apparently sexually harassing a woman who’s no longer breathing isn’t considered villainy, it’s just really messed up.

For a moment, I suspect that Astaroth’s watching us from far away, back on Earth.

Sigh. I guess I’ll hike up the skirts of the conscious ones.

[Desert Crossing: Day Five]

We didn’t run into any monsters today, either.

Snow glances over at me, as if she has something she wants to say.

Rose looks at me with a different expression.

Actually, in Rose’s case, she’s not just looking at me, but occasionally casts a glance at the unmoving Grimm.

Oh, come on, if you have something to say, just say it already.

Damn, I’m hungry. I could probably even eat orc now.

I remember that I was able to get equipment despite ending up with a negative point balance. I try it again, but don’t get anything this time.

What’s the deal? I was able to get an advance last time.

I still can’t shake the feeling Astaroth’s behind this.

I’m gonna use her to farm Evil Points when I get back to Earth.

[Desert Crossing: Day Six]

Snow asks why I wasn’t hiking up Grimm’s skirt.

She says because it’s an emergency, she’ll let it pass, then turns to look outside the tent.

Wow, she just sold out Grimm.

When I explain I no longer get points for hiking up an unconscious woman’s skirt, she states she’ll take one for the team.

I try hiking up Snow’s skirt, but I don’t get any points.

I remember that points don’t get added if the target doesn’t mind. I ask if she’s enjoying having her skirt hiked up, and we almost get into a deathmatch.

Hunger definitely makes your heart shrivel.

Lately, Rose won’t even try to stop our fighting. If anything, she starts looking at me as if she hopes something will happen. I feel like I’ve seen that look before.

Oh. That’s right. I remember. That’s how the mutant Spider Woman looked at me. She was known for being a man-eater.

I’ve heard that when people are stuck in a dangerous situation, the survival instincts get stronger, and that leads to an increased libido.

Ah. So that’s why Rose looks so dangerous. She’s feeling frisky. Relax; I’m feeling that way, too.

Dammit. Tent life is hard. There’s no privacy at all.

I try hiking up Grimm’s skirt. No points, as expected.

What’s the deal with this system?

Actually, I feel like I’ve heard that point gains are influenced by emotional states.

Is the problem the fact we’re currently in an emergency? I think I remember hearing that crimes stop being crimes in life-or-death situations.

Yes, like when you’re stranded on a snowy mountain.

Ah, I see. So hiking up Grimm’s skirt is no longer considered a crime. Lately, no one even comments when I hike up their skirt.

Snow even occasionally says “Well?” to see if I got any points.

I guess I’m not one to talk, but are you guys really okay with this?

[Desert Crossing: Day Seven]

Our surroundings slowly grow darker, and it’s approaching time to start our march.

And we’re steadily approaching the very limit of our endurance.

According to Alice, the only chipper one in our group, we’re just a few days away from town.

But even with that in mind, I don’t have much left in me.

I’m hungry; I want something to eat. I want a cold beer. I’d like some privacy. Even if it’s just for five minutes, I want time to myself.

The thoughts cross my mind as we trudge along.

Rose begins chewing on her own tail. It’s a bit like how a hungry child sucks on their thumb, and according to Rose it distracts a little bit from the hunger pains.

Remembering how poor she was in the past, I feel a twinge of sadness, but when I ask her if the tail will regrow like a lizard’s, she appears to start seriously contemplating the option.

So far, I guess I’m still okay with my armor’s temperature adjuster. Rose, too, is evidently tolerant against the heat and cold. And, of course, Alice is just fine.

There’s already one that’s past saving, but I’d like to think she’ll be okay, given that Alice sprayed her with preservative.

Which leaves us with Snow.

I look at Snow, who seems desperate, and steel myself as I open my mouth to speak.

5

“This is an emergency. I’m gonna strip you.”

“Just try it. I can’t take much more of this, either. Bring it on.”

She must be at her limit, too. She stares at me with a ruthless expression, drawing her sword and taking a perfect stance.

The hunger must have enhanced her senses; she gives off a more intimidating aura than usual.

“Listen carefully, Snow. At this rate we’re all gonna die. If you’ll just let me have my way for a little bit, the Evil Points will see to it that your hunger is sated, and I’ll be sated in a different way, too. Everyone goes home happy. Come on, it’s a win-win.”

“My mind may be at its limit, but I can still recognize a scam as obvious as that.” Still, Snow’s expression looks conflicted.

“You don’t want to die, either, do you? You want to eat till you’re full, right?” I whisper, but Rose is the one who answers.

“Yes I do!”

“I’m not talking to you right now… How about it, Snow? Right now, I’ll even throw in a rare item. Remember what you said the other day? You have a good contact who’ll flip magic items, don’t you? You need money, right? All you have to do put up with me for a little bit, and you can pay off your sword loans.”

“Umm…”

As the internal conflict plays out on Snow’s face, Alice is busy picking the grains of sand out of her shotgun. “What’s there to think about?” she says. “You were eager to give yourself to that Engel guy.”

“There was something wrong with me then! The lure of getting the wealth of a rich country had me under its spell! And that time if something had happened, he would’ve taken responsibility like he was supposed to. But now…” Snow casts a meaningful glance my way.

“I hate those words. Taking responsibility.”

“You idiot scumbag, can’t you see I’m trying to convince her?” Alice snaps at me.

As I turn back to Snow and drop into a stance—

Snow, reaching her limit, suddenly collapses.

“S-seriously?! Grimm’s enough of a pain to carry. I don’t know if moving on while carrying you is even an option!”

“U-ugh… I—I can’t… No more…” Suffering from a lack of sleep and severe hunger in a hostile environment, she can no longer even stand.

“Six, now’s your chance. Get her while she’s still conscious.”

“B-but…that’s gotta be crossing several lines…”

I know it’s a bit hypocritical given how eager I was to get my hands on her, but going after a woman who’s too weak to resist is just too much.

Just then…

“B-Boss! I…I can’t resist any longer…” Rose’s voice is ragged. Her cheeks are red, maybe from the desert heat.

“R-Rose? W-wait; it’s too early for you. This is Snow’s area. Pervy things are kind of her department, especially since her personality makes it hard to feel guilty for putting her through it…” I can’t help but hesitate, even though Rose’s unexpected intervention should have made me happy.

Had it been Snow or Grimm, I wouldn’t have batted an eye, but…

“But I can’t take it anymore…”

At Rose’s expression of pained longing, my restraint heads straight out the door.

Right, we’re both at our limit.

Alice has been watching us with interest, but I need her to wander outside for a bit.

“All right. I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s just that you surprised me.”

“Don’t apologize for embarrassing me… I’m fully aware this is a line we shouldn’t cross, but…”

Oh.

Yes, she’s right.

We belong to the same squadron.

This isn’t about men or women. It’s a matter of life or death.

If we cross this line it could impact future missions. There’ll be awkward moments to spare going forward.

But still…

“Rose, it’s an emergency. Don’t sweat the small stuff. When you get down to it, it’s just primal instinct. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way in extreme circumstances.”

Yes, this is a libido born of survival instinct. It’s like when you randomly get hard after pulling an all-nighter.

Rose repeats what I said, as if to convince herself. “Primal instinct… There’s nothing wrong with it in an emergency…”

“Right. It’s one of the three primal urges! It’s no crime if you can’t resist it!”

At my declaration she smiles as though she’s made her peace with something.

“Thank you. I feel better about it! It can’t be helped given the circumstances, can it?”

“That’s right. It can’t be helped! If there’s one problem, it’s that it’s based on mutual consent.” If it’s consensual, I won’t get any Evil Points.

“Huh? What’s wrong if it’s consensual?”

“E-erm, if you put it so bluntly, I don’t see a problem with it… And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t flattered at being desired. Guess you’re quite the man-eater despite your cute face.”

Rose’s cheeks flush. “D-do you dislike carnivores?”

“Not at all! In fact, I say bring them on. But still, if we’re to save everyone, we can’t both just jump right in. The necessity is important.”

I need her to show some resistance to the idea, or I won’t get any Evil Points.

Rose nods once. “It’s the laws of nature, right? It’s fine. It’ll reduce my sense of guilt, too. Please, resist with all your might, Boss.”

“Guilt…? Wait? I’m the one being pounced on? I mean, I don’t mind that. Actually, I love it, but…”

I can’t help but hesitate at Rose’s assertiveness. Still, I can’t back down when she’s being this forward.

No, I’ve made young Rose say all these things. I need to man up.

“Besides, I’ve wanted to go all out against you, Boss. I don’t think there’ll be many opportunities to do so outside of situations like this, so please don’t hold anything back!”

“You’re okay with me going all out? I thought I would be gentle, but if that’s what you want…” I’m a little uneasy about throwing the full force of my raging libido at this young woman…

But it’s time for me to pull it together. I can’t leave her hanging when she’s this determined.

“All right. Just let me wipe down my body with a wet towel.” It’s the least I can do.

“I’m sorry, Boss, but I don’t think I can hold back any longer… Besides, you’re fine as is, Boss. Um… I’ve been thinking this for a while, but you smell pretty good, Boss…”

“I s-smell good? Damn, you’re aggressive today! If you’re okay with that, I’m fine with it, but isn’t it a little too…kinky?” I feel my cheeks flushing and pace quickening at everything this young woman is saying.

Still. The only thing left to do is make our move.

I look to Alice, trying to give her a hint. She just continues watching with amusement. “Rose, Six,” she says. “I want to ask you two a question. What are you two planning to do now?”

“I’m gonna jump her bones and devour her.”

“I’m going to eat the boss!”

Both of us blush after our similar declarations.

Alice looks at us flatly. “You two sound like you’re talking about the same thing, but you’re not.” She still seemed very entertained.

“I’m gonna do pervy stuff with Rose, right?”

“I’m going to fight the boss, right?”

……

“Wait, what? Fighting? That’s a little too intense as foreplay for me.”

“Wait, what are you saying, Boss? When you win the fight for survival in nature, you eat the loser.”

………

“When you say eat, you mean sexually, right?”

“No, I mean literally. I’m going to eat you.”

………

“What the hell?! That’s not even funny! I’ve met a lot of messed-up mutants in my day, but that’s a step too far, even for me!”

“What are you talking about, Boss?! You were the one who said it was one of the three primal urges and that it was useless to resist.”

“I did say that. Yes, I did say that!”

But that’s definitely not what I meant. I mean, yeah, that’s one of the three primal urges, too, but that’s really, really not what I meant!

Rose appears to be at her limit, and her gaze looks really, really dangerous.

“Boss, this is an emergency. We don’t have time to worry about this!”

“I said that, too, but that’s also not what I meant! We’ll get back to town in a few more days. Just hang on!”

The people on this planet are fine with eating intelligent life like orcs.

Which means…

Rose’s cheeks flush and she squirms.

“I can’t hold on any longer, Boss… I was really happy to hear you didn’t hate someone who might eat you…”

“Words really are hard to use right. I guess this is the culture gap in action!”

This is completely different from the “man-eater” definition I know! I back away toward the tent entrance, trying my best not to draw more of Rose’s attention than necessary.

Rose watches me with predatory eyes. “Boss, you smell so good…”

“Yeah, circumstances really are important. The line’s pretty close to what she said earlier, but now my pulse is racing for a completely different reason…”

Her cheeks flush a faint shade of pink again. “Boss, have you heard of the suspension bridge effect? Maybe that’s love…”

“That’s true. This racing heartbeat might be love! All right, come at me! I’ve made my peace! I’ll take you down!” An evil minion can’t afford to be afraid of a little girl like her!

“Grandpa used to say, ‘when people fall in love, they want to become one with their opponent…’”

“Your grandpa was right, but you’re misunderstanding what he wanted to tell you.” I correct her as I drop into a fighting stance.

“Well then, I’ll leave the two of you to it.”

I watch as Alice steps out of the tent.

“I bet we were fated to have this battle before we were even born… Rose, Battle Chimera for the kingdom of Grace! Prepare yourself!”

“Combat Agent Six, Kisaragi Corporation! Prepare to give up some points!”

In a tent in a desert far, far away, a heated night begins!

<Massive Amounts of Evil Points Acquired>

“Ah. Cheer up, Six,” Alice calls out happily. “We can see it in the distance.”

“……”

I let out a sigh, unable to muster the will to respond.

I’m sitting in the passenger seat of the brand-new buggy. “<Hey, Alice. I really wanna to go back to Earth.>”

“<What are you talking about? You seemed to have a lot of fun last night. It got us a new buggy. Cheer up!>”

……

“<Fun?! Fun?!! Don’t be ridiculous. We didn’t go all the way. That was foreplay at most!>”

“<Eh, you say that, but you earned a nice amount of points. Good work. You should make this a regular thing with Rose.>”

Last night I fought Rose, who had gone completely off the rails. I took advantage of little openings here and there to earn some points, then used the points earned during the battle to order some food, then used that as bait to neutralize Rose…

“<But damn, Chimeras are pretty scary. She gave me a run for my money.>”

“<Fascinating, isn’t it? It really makes investigating the planet’s ancient ruins all the more important.>”

I glance over at the back seat, seeing the three of them slumped and out cold. There isn’t a trace of sex appeal left.

“<Still, can’t say we succeeded in the mission Tillis gave us. We only got one of those weird fruits, and even then, we used a good chunk of the water. And I want to send this off to Kisaragi for study. Its ability to absorb liquid would be really handy if we can find alternative uses for it.>”

“<Damn, I’d forgotten about the mission…>” I can’t help but dread what comes next.

The kingdom of Grace comes into view, and there’s something off about it.

It reminds me of the time the Demon Lord’s Army was about to attack…

6

“It appears Toris and the Demon Lord’s Army have joined forces and are preparing to invade.”

Alice and I are summoned to the castle immediately after our return and given the news without so much as a cursory “welcome back.”

While we were busy getting lost in the desert, it appears they’d finished their invasion preparations.

“I see. So you’d like to borrow my power, right? Well, fighting is my job after all. However, Mr. Six’s help doesn’t come cheap.”

“Have you forgotten you were the primary cause of this war?” Tillis stares flatly at me.

“I’m not the type to dwell on the past. I don’t even remember much about the past.”

“That impressive, Six, given that this all started only a week ago.”

I ignore Alice’s comment while Tillis sighs.

“Under the circumstances, we don’t have many options. However, we need you to take responsibility for your actions, Sir Six.”

“I really hate the words take responsibility.”

“It truly is refreshing to see you constantly outdo yourself on the ‘I’m a piece of shit’ scale,” Alice interjects again, “but you’re making the conversation take longer, so shut up for a bit.”

Tillis twitches her brow, but patiently continues speaking. “Thanks to the presence of the Combat Agents dispatched by the Kisaragi Corporation, we’re roughly on par with the Demon Lord’s Army. Unfortunately, with Toris on the enemy side, we can’t win a prolonged conflict. We still have to solve the issue of water…”

“You know, Tillis, if you’d just get in front of the populace and—”

“Based on your report, it appears you failed to secure enough water for our farming needs! Our kingdom is at risk if this continues! We will continue searching for my father, but I would like to ask you to undertake a specific mission!” Tillis interrupts me, taking out a single map.

“This is the map to the ruins that would have been your payment had the mission to Toris succeeded. I’m told two of the Demon Lord’s Army lords are currently exploring these ruins…?”

Oh yeah, kind of got lost in all that hubbub, but that’s why Heine and Russell were in Toris, wasn’t it?

“Yep, apparently there’s some sort of powerful ancient weapon inside. They were planning to use it to beat the Sand King,” I reply.

Tillis nods. “I’d like to have the two of you head to those ruins.”

“…So you want us to stop them from acquiring the ancient weapon?”

We have no idea what that weapon might be, but Heine seemed awfully sure of its power.

I have to admit, I’m not keen on just letting the enemy have it, but…

Just then…

“<Hey, Six. We need to take this mission. Otherwise we’re screwed.>”

“<Pretty unusual for you to insist like this. You worried about the ancient weapon?>”

Tillis appears surprised by Alice’s sudden remarks in Japanese, but she remains silent, watching us converse.

“<Remember that weird glass case in Toris? It was empty. There just happened to be a member of the Demon Lord’s Army leadership who was familiar with both the ancient ruins and the case. Does any of this sound fishy to you?>” Alice’s tone is more serious than usual, and my mouth suddenly goes dry.

I gulp. “<…You mean there’s tons of those glass cases in the ancient ruins, and they’re mass producing beautiful female homunculi?>”

“<No, you idiot… That brat, Russell. He seemed awfully familiar with the ancient ruins. I think he was probably the one originally in that case. Think about it; he was awfully angry when you tried to hit the thing. Almost like he was trying to protect something that was important to him.>”

Now that she mentions it, I do remember that.

“<There’s a chance that he’s an artificial Chimera made long ago, just like Rose. And unlike Rose, he still remembers the past. If he’s saying that he can beat the Sand King with the ancient weapon… Rose the combat Chimera was able to hold her own with you. Now think of someone like that with a really powerful weapon…>”

“<Well, there goes our local business!>”

I finally grasp the situation after Alice’s explanation. The reason the Kisaragi Corporation’s Combat Agents can handle the Demon Lord’s Army is because we have the advantage of modern weapons. That means we’ll be in a world of trouble if they get their hands on some high-tech weaponry of their own.

From my exclamation and shocked expression, Tillis judges that I’ve realized something and resumes speaking. “I don’t know exactly what you were talking about, but it appears you’ve come to a decision.”

“Yup, this is a problem for us, too. We’ll go ahead and completely annihilate that weapon for you.”

I nod to Tillis, whose expression softens in return.

“Thank you. Hopefully we can solve all this before the water crisis becomes unsolvable…”

“Well, the water issue could be solved with your help, if you’d just cooperate.”

Yes, if only she’d say a certain phrase in front of the masses…

“I’m afraid I simply don’t have the power… With my magical ability and skill level, I can only summon a water spirit for a short period. So unfortunately…”

“No, that’s not it. We’re not expecting you to do anything with your magic. You just need to chant that phrase in front of everyone.”

Tillis completely ignores me. “Very well, Sir Six, Miss Alice! Please do everything in your power to destroy the ancient weapon!”

“Hey, wait a minute. You told me earlier to take responsibility. Then, Tillis, you need to take responsibility as a member of the royal family. All you have to do is chant one simple phrase.”

Tillis avoids my gaze as I stare at her. Just then…

“Wait, let’s not destroy the weapon. We can just take it for ourselves.”

…the evil organization’s android proposes an extremely rational alternative.

7

Returning to the hideout, we update Tiger Man on the situation.

“So we’ll leave defending this country up to you, Tiger Man. We’ll go infiltrate the ruins in Toris.”

“Mrrrr. That’s not fairrrr. I wanna go, too…”

We’re sitting in the room marked CONFERENCE ROOM in the hideout. Tiger Man lets out a disappointed purr.

Infiltrate the ancient ruins and take the weapon our rivals are trying to claim, then use that weapon to conquer Toris. That’s the plan Alice has come up with.

Currently, while the Demon Lord’s Army is advancing aggressively toward the city, Toris has been cautiously making progress.

If the enemy gets their hands on the ancient weapon, the situation would become dramatically worse for us.

If our squad members weren’t still recovering, I would have preferred to leave right away.

Alice takes out a map. “The ruins in Toris are here. We’ll follow Russell’s group as they survey the interior of the ruins. There’s likely to be defenses and traps inside the ruins, so we’ll let them deal with those. We can then attack them when they reach the last room and grab the weapon away from them.”

““Solid plan,”” Tiger Man and I say in unison.

Let the enemy struggle through the combat and traps toward the objective. The moment they get to the end and let their guard down, attack them.

A wonderful plan, the very model of an evil scheme.

“Tiger Man, you’ve forgotten to purr out your words.”

“It’s just us right now, so who cares? Still, following a group around the ruins would be a bit difficult given my size. Frrrine. I’ll stay home and guarrrd this.”

Tiger Man bats his tail from side to side as Alice places a rock on top of the map.

“Your job isn’t going to be any easier, Tiger Man. Your job is to stall the Demon Lord’s Army that’s likely to come from this direction. If they get through, Toris’s army will probably follow them. If we succeed in acquiring the weapon, we can force them into a hostage situation disguised as negotiations. If we can’t, we’ll end up getting dragged into an all-out war between two countries. It’s an important job; we’re counting on you.”

“This ambush point, it’s woodland. I’m the king of the jungle, Tigerrr Man. I can win a defensive battle in a forrrest with my eyes closed.”

“Damn, Tiger Man! You’re both creepy and awesome when you’re purring words like that!”

Mutants Chameleon Man and Tiger Man.

Their sexual fetishes and personalities are rather questionable, but they’re Kisaragi’s two best when it comes to woodland fighting.

Alice turns her gaze to Tiger Man and me. “Good. Well, it’s time to head back to Toris. The leadership of the Demon Lord’s Army is still there. I’m sure the kingdom itself is pretty busy and confused with war preparations, but they probably want to finish the survey quickly.”

Alice lifts her fist into the air.

“We’re an evil organization. Let’s get them right where we want them, then swipe the glory out from under them!”

““Wooooo!””

We let out a cheer and bump our fists together.

[Status Report]

Started a war with a neighboring kingdom over a difference in cultural values.

It appears popular Japanese party tricks are considered offensive in countries with no sense of humor.

Speaking of differences in cultural values, “man-eater” types on this planet are much more aggressive than those on Earth.

I almost wound up getting eaten, but I managed to avoid being carried away by the heat of the moment and resisted crossing any lines.

I believe anyone else would have been eaten under the same circumstances.

Considering the circumstances of this last mission, I hereby propose teleporting water and food supplies in the event of an emergency.

It’s a matter of life or death, so please seriously consider this proposal.

Reporting Operative:

Combat Agent 6, Super Attractive to Man-Eaters