CHAPTER 2

Go Settle!

1

Having lost our hideout, we’ve set up tents in the Kisaragi territory we recently acquired from Toris as our temporary shelter.

I would have preferred an inn room or some place in the castle, but unfortunately, the recent drop in my reputation means all of them flat-out rejected me.

And now…

“Okay then, let’s hear it.”

Here in our temporary hideout, Alice begins interrogating Snow, who is sitting on the ground in a position of penitence.

“Yes, I did leave without putting the gunpowder away. And I apologize for bringing my newly acquired Flame Zapper the Second into the workplace. But please listen, Alice!”

“What did I tell you to call me while you owe me money?”

Snow bites her lower lip. “…Miss Alice.”

“Good. Next time you forget, I’ll start assuming you’re as dumb as Six.”

“P-please, anything but that!”

Hey!

“Well, Miss Snow, you don’t seem all that sorry to me… Even I’m super careful when handling gunpowder. You’ve got a lot of nerve, making excuses after blowing all the blood, sweat, and tears we poured into our hideout sky-high.”

“Says the man who didn’t contribute a single thing when I funded that hideout,” Alice quips, but I ignore her for now.

Unused to sitting on her knees, Snow’s legs begin to tremble.

“Thanks to you, we’re stuck camping out tonight. Me! The Grace branch manager of the Kisaragi Corporation! Reduced to living in a tent! You, my subordinate, are going to sleep under a roof while I’m stuck camping! Take responsibility, dammit! Specifically, let me stay in your house! And wait upon me hand and foot with your body!”

“Didn’t you hate the words ‘take responsibility’?” Alice is starting to get on my nerves with her constant quips.

With her numb muscles shaking, Snow raises her head. “They already evicted me from my house.”

“…Huh?”

Snow’s words catch me off guard.

“They evicted me because I couldn’t pay my rent. There’s no room in the castle barracks. That’s why I’ve been sleeping on the sofa in your hideout. As such, I’m also camping out as of tonight.”

“O-oh. Gotcha…”

I back up a little at Snow’s serious expression.

“Heh-heh-heh… After steadily saving up for the down payment and taking out a long-term loan, I finally got Flame Zapper the Second… But she died in the blast…!” Snow mutters to herself, as though something inside of her has snapped, half sobbing, half laughing. “…You wanted me to serve you with my body, right? Fine! I don’t care how much more I have to disgrace myself! Just let me stay in your tent! Please!”

Even I can’t help but reel back as Snow pleads with a bow of her head.

Just how far does she plan to fall?

“There’s no point in continuing to needle her. Besides, it’s not that strange to lose a hideout or two to a freak explosion or whatever else. I’m also at fault for letting an amateur handle gunpowder. We’re just lucky no one was hurt.”

“Y-you’re going to forgive me? After I blew up your home…?”

Alice smiles at Snow. “Of course. I won’t abandon my employee. I’ll provide you a place to stay and food as well. I also won’t charge you interest on paying me back for the hideout. You mentioned your Flame Zapper the Second was destroyed in the explosion, right? I’ll lend you the money if you’re planning to buy a Third.”

“L-Lady Alice…!”

Snow looks at Alice as one would a goddess.

Looks like this android plans to enslave this useless woman with debt.

Alice seems to be satisfied with pushing the cost of the old hideout on Snow instead of having to sell it after our fortress is complete.

“No use crying over spilled milk. Hey, Six, this is an emergency. We have to focus on building the new base. So forget about that stupid Undead Festival and focus on this instead,” Alice says cheerfully, then claps me on the back.

“Sure, I’ve got this. I’m supercompetent, after all. I’ll prove I’m not like that idiot over there.”

“Y-you bastard! I’m going to be Lady Alice’s right hand! I’ll blow her away and get a raise!”

This bitch!

“If you want money that badly, go sell your body, you bum!”

“I’d have sold my body long ago if I could still ride a unicorn! My mount’s been avoiding me ever since I kissed you! From now on, I’m going to charge you if you so much as look at my chest!”

Snow then puffs out her chest, making sure my eye is drawn in that direction.

“I’m Alice’s partner, dammit! Don’t try to usurp that position! I’ll lose my allowance! Hrmph! Don’t let the fact that you’ve got a huge rack go to your head! What—are you saying I can grope you if I pay up?”

“Hey, stop it! Don’t try to grope me! It’ll cost you! Touching will cost you! Stop! Stoppp—!”

Alice mutters as she watches Snow desperately fight off my grabbing hands.

“What’s a droid gotta do to get some decent help around here…?”

2

Alice, Snow, and the two Chimeras are lined up in front of the massive pile of building materials sent from Earth.

Standing on a slightly elevated spot, I pick up the loudspeaker.

“Good morning, everyone! My name is Agent Six, manager for the Kisaragi Corporation’s Grace Kingdom branch. Our mission will be to construct a fortress to serve as a base for our settlement of the Cursed Forest. Our land is plagued by environmental pollution and population growth, as well as food shortage. Humanity’s future rests upon your shoulders…”

Today we begin construction on our fortress. Once we have a proper stronghold, I’ll obtain the title of underboss, which is separate from positions like Supreme Leader.

Positions like Supreme Leader represent power, while titles like underboss represent accomplishments.

Of course, once I obtain the title, I’ll be able to lord it over the other agents.

As I’m basking in the glow of this event and giving my speech, my heartless subordinates start complaining from the sidelines.

“What’s the point of this? You’re rambling and not making any sense! We’re getting paid by results. Stop with the stupid speeches, and let’s get started!”

“Boss! It’s just weird when you start using big words out of the blue. Let’s get this over with so we can go eat!”

These lackeys clearly need a lesson on the chain of command.

“Shut it! Once the fortress is complete, I’ll be an underboss! That makes me important! I’ll be much more important than you rank-and-file lackeys! You two better start treating me with respect!”

After I yell at them with the loudspeaker, Snow and Rose bristle.

“Who are you calling a lackey?! I’m still a knight of this realm! I’m here at Princess Tillis’s orders, and I’m decidedly not a part of your shady organization!”

“That’s right! Stop treating me like I’m part of your group!”

As I’m pondering how to quiet down the unruly pair, Russell sighs and pipes up. (I dragged him here due to a lack of personnel.)

“Hey, you know… I beat the crap out of you with my giant weapon. I’m only following you guys because Tiger Man is unreasonably strong. We Chimeras are closer to wild animals than humans, you know, so we’ll follow someone stronger than us. I’m not going to take orders from a weakling like you.”

…Oh yeaaaah?

“You’ve got some nerve, you brat, considering I took you down with a single shot! I’d be happy to come beat the shit out of you right now, you cross-dressing exhibitionist!”

“Th-that was a sneak attack from behind! And I’m not an exhibitionist! I’m not a pervert like you!”

At the word exhibitionist, Snow and Rose open a little distance between themselves and Russell.

“W-wait, Sis! He’s lying…” Even Russell has a hard time being rejected by another Chimera, and he hurriedly begins making excuses.

“I’m sorry, Russell, but could you stop calling me Sis while you’re dressed like that? It might not seem like it, but I’m still trying to take my life seriously.”

“Rose, this cross-dressing brat is definitely on Six’s end of the spectrum. You’ll catch the stupidity if you spend too much time with him.”

“Hold on! Just hold on a minute! I’m trying to live seriously, too! It’s just that I got captured by a bunch of weirdos!”

As the three of them neglect me to yell among themselves, I let loose with the loudspeaker at close range.

“Bah! Why can’t I get any good help? A cross-dressing Chimera, a gluttonous Chimera, and a cheap floozy. Try being in my shoes, attempting to build a fortress with help like you! Especially you, the one who blew up the hideout! You should be begging me for mercy each and every day!”

“You bastard, just who are you calling a ‘floozy’?! I’ll admit I’m cheap, but calling me a floozy is just your damned opinion! Also, there was a reason I was outside the hideout! Someone was looking in from the window…”

“Boss, calling a girl a ‘gluttonous Chimera’ is a little much, isn’t it?! If you’re going to call me a glutton, I’ll go ahead and start gnawing on you, too!”

“Y-you lot are the ones making me cross-dress!”

With all three of them speaking up at once, I can’t make out what they’re saying.

However, it’s easy enough to see they have no respect for their boss. I spit on the ground in front of them to let them know what I think of that.

“You idiots! You’ll regret it when the fortress is done and I’m an underboss! Insubordinate lackeys like you will be on permanent shoulder-rubbing and toilet-cleaning duty. If you want to avoid that, get to work!”

“Rose! Russell of the Water! We’ll surround this bastard and bury him in the forest! Underboss, shmunderboss! We’ll get rid of this useless superior!”

“It hurts to have the boss—of all people—call me slow-witted.”

“You do remember I’m a Chimera who used to be one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, right? You really think a mere human can beat me in a fair fight?”

As the three of them start issuing threats, I smack my fist into my palm with a loud thwack.

“Yeah? Let’s do this. You really think the three of you can take me in an actual fight? Come at me, you damned lackeys! I’ll happily bring all of you to tears!”

“I’ll go after his neck from the back,” says Snow. “We’ll form a triangle around him and attack him. Take your places!”

“I bet this battle was fated to happen before we were even born. I woke from my ancient slumber just for this day…,” Rose murmurs.

“Ha-ha. I’ve needed a release after all the stress I’ve accumulated from being dressed up like this. I’ll make you into my playthi— Ow, ow, ow, ow! Attacking me while I’m talking isn’t fair… Wait! My arm doesn’t bend that way!”

While Snow and Rose are rambling on about some nonsense, I take the opportunity to grab Russell’s arm. The other two hurriedly try to help him, but I circle around behind Russell as he cradles his arm, putting him in a choke hold.

“Boss! Mr. Russell’s foaming at the mouth! I think that’s enough!”

“Stop! Let him go, Six! You’re going to make your maid corps into a maid corpse!”

As I refuse to let go despite the blows to my head and back, Alice picks up the loudspeaker and, with a sigh, points it in my face.

“Listen up, Six! The longer it takes to build a fort, the longer we live in tents. Don’t you want your own room? You can’t enjoy porn without any privacy.”

I freeze at Alice’s words.

“Besides, Six wasn’t exaggerating. If we successfully finish the fortress and settle the forest, it’ll solve lots of problems. That’ll make you lot heroes. You come to our world, you’ll get a massive bonus and live a life of luxury… See? That’s worth it, right? Good. Let’s get to work!”

With a renewed sense of purpose, we steadily complete our tasks.

Using the heavy machinery acquired with Evil Points, we begin laying the foundation.

The forest stretches out near the planned fortress location. Everywhere else, there’s nothing but wasteland.

Settling and developing the Cursed Forest: It’s a grand project that’ll solve the countless problems facing both this planet and Earth.

3

Both a scream and an explosion ring out in the wastelands near the Cursed Forest.

“Russell!”

Seems the cross-dressing Chimera just got caught in a blast.

One day after setting up the tents and beginning land development…

…we’re currently being attacked by a herd of monsters.

“Lady Alice! Russell’s hit! Save him, please! We can’t afford to lose him yet!”

Evidently, Snow was the one who screamed earlier.

I didn’t realize she and Russell were that close. I guess it pains her conscience because he looks like a child? Actually, the surprising thing has to be that the gold digger has a conscience to begin with.

“He’s fine. I mean, wearing a maid outfit in a war zone isn’t exactly normal, but Battle Chimeras won’t die from a blast that weak. Give him a couple aspirin, and he’ll heal eventually.”

“O-oh, all right,” she says. “Seeing how badly he gets treated, I’m relieved that someone has it worse than I do! I can’t have him die here!”

Well, now I feel like an idiot for thinking positively of her.

Ignoring this worthless woman, I run toward the epicenter of the explosion.

“Targets are hostile mupyokopyokos. They appear to attack by self-destructing!” I yell out to Alice, then draw my gun, moving into effective range of the enemy.

Alice follows me with her shotgun in hand, also running. “Six, those are mipyokopyokos. Rookie mistake,” she quips.

“That’s right. Those are the ones that are too dangerous to eat. Please don’t mix them up!”

“Who the hell cares?! Charge! Onward! Onward!”

At my order, we all rush in.

The targets are weird bipedal frog-faced creatures hopping around in front of us.

I fire off a shot at one of them, and it promptly explodes.

The others regard the creatures with caution as they tauntingly hop around.

“Hey, Alice, this is the seventh attack since we broke ground here! Do we have to build here? There’s gotta be better spots than this!”

“This is the only land we acquired. Suck it up. If you don’t like it, go invade the demon territory or Toris and get more land.”

“What sadist came up with this game anyway?! Dammit!”

Just as I yell that out…

…Snow and Rose, who had been fighting the pyokopyokos, speak up with near panic in their voices.

“Six! There’s supopocchis emerging from the forest! A herd of supopocchis!”

“There’s a group of mokemokes coming, too! Boss, what do we do? I can’t possibly eat this many!”

The constant reports of new hostile creatures are enough to tip me off that something’s wrong here.

“Alice! Aliiiice! Is it normal for monsters to start attacking in droves because people try to settle in the forest?”

“Pay attention, Six, and look behind them. Bashin tribe members. They’re clearly stirring up the monsters. That must be how they defend their territory. Fascinating!”

“Not fascinating! Frightening! We’re getting out of here! Retreat!”

At my order, the others rapidly start pulling back.

Rose has already fetched Russell and carried him back without being told to do so. I can’t quite decide if I should praise her initiative.

I’ve stayed behind to issue orders; during all this, a few of the supopocchis and mokemokes start heading toward me.

“Hey, where the hell is Tiger Man? This is the sort of thing we have mutants for, isn’t it?”

“There’s been border skirmishes with Toris. Tiger Man and the other agents are off dealing with them. They’ll be back eventually.”

Snow, who has been watching until this moment, draws her sword and steps in as though to cover Alice’s back. “Ha-ha-ha-ha! Monster hunting is my specialty! Come at me, you walking bonus checks! Add to my income!”

At a glance, she looks like a knight defending the helpless, but the naked greed warping her smile ruins the image.

I fire off a shot at a nearby target, then land a front kick on a mipyokopyoko launching a jump kick at my flank.

“Even if we finish the base here, we’ll just be dealing with constant monster attacks. Let’s find another spot, Alice!”

“After all we went through to acquire this territory, we’re not letting it go that easily. Never mind that, Six; cover your face. I’m going to blow up the mipyokopyoko you just kicked.”

I throw my hands up to cover my face before Alice finishes speaking…

“Besides, if we’re here, our research targets will be coming to us. I’ve managed to talk the leadership into giving us Evil Points if we send research samples to headquarters. So…”

Alice aims her shotgun.

“…this is your job from here on out. Wanna head back to Earth? Well, put your life on the line and earn us some points, partner!”

“Goddammit! Again?! I’m sick of busting my ass! Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll do it! I’ll hunt! I’ll misbehave! I’ll save up my points and make those Supreme Leaders pay for it with their bodies!”

The mipyokopyokos’ explosions echo through the wasteland.

4

Settling the frontier means a struggle against the natives.

Watching the forest from atop the construction site, I shout a warning.

“Alice! We’ve got more barbarians incoming!”

It’s one day later.

Although we’re eager to see an end to our camping-out status as quickly as possible and working on building an impenetrable fortress, we encounter a group of barbarians different from the Bashin tribe.

“Doesn’t look like they’re armed, and given their numbers, I’m sure Snow and Rose can handle them. Six, let’s have you stay on watch duty. If we stop every time we’re attacked, we’re never going to finish this damn thing.”

Alice says this from the operator chair of a crane, moving construction equipment into piles.

The group before us have tattoo-covered bodies, each member wearing only a wooden mask and a loin cloth.

Since our cross-dressing Chimera exploded the other day, we’re down to four people at the construction site.

Still, this batch of barbarians doesn’t appear to have any obvious weapons.

Like Alice said, Snow and Rose should be enough to chase them off.

As I’m pondering this, Snow, wearing a hard hat and wielding a pickax, looks up and comments, “Wait, that’s the Hiiragi tribe! They value harmony and coexistence with nature! They use odd powers that are different from magic! They’re not very dangerous to people, but they’re extremely aggressive against invasive structures!”

“What do you mean ‘odd powers’? Everyone on this planet is weird, if you ask me… Eh? What are they doing?”

It doesn’t look like the tribesmen are going to attack the fortress I’m standing on. They’re just observing us from a distance.

Retrieving drums and flutes, they then begin dancing to a mysterious tune.

“What should we do, Alice? They’ve started dancing. Should I go with the flow and join in?”

“What good would that do? Still, what are they doing? …Wait, there’s an excessive amount of sunlight shining in from above.”

Light begins raining down upon the fortress from the sky.

Standing in the middle of that light, I feel like I’m being worshipped by the natives.

As soon as they see this, Snow and Rose toss aside their heavy pickaxes and start running for some reason.

“Wow, I’m totally shimmering. Hey, Alice, I feel like a god! Should I bestow some words of wisdom upon them?”

“Stop rambling like an idiot and get out of there. Everyone retreat!”

My legs begin moving before I have time to think.

Just as I frantically make my way out of the fortress—

—a shaft of light comes down from the sky, blowing off the top of the structure.

“Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Shielding my face from the debris, I see the Hiiragi tribesmen retreat toward the forest.

Alice stares up at the sky, head tilted.

“Was that a solar ray–style energy weapon? Odd, we didn’t detect any satellites around this planet when we landed here.”

“I bet that’s just divine power of some sort! It’s retribution for our blasphemy! Oh, gods, I’m so sorry! I’ll stop robbing your collection boxes! I’ll even reduce how often I harass your priestesses!”

As I pray, Alice begins sorting through the wreckage. “They usually use lightning for divine retribution. Look, some of the wreckage is melted. Safe to assume it’s a heliostat of some sort. We can take precautions against that.”

“C’mon, stop it! That’s gotta be divine retribution! What do you plan to do if we keep blaspheming and get punished even worse?”

Just then…

“Oh! They’re trying to run off with Mr. Russell!”

“W-wait, dammit! Despite his looks, he’s a guy!”

I turn to see the Hiiragi tribesmen carrying off the unconscious Russell like he’s the spoils of war.

Rose and Snow retrieve their pickaxes and give chase.

A few hours later.

I don’t know exactly what happened in the forest, but Rose returns looking exhausted and carrying Russell and Snow, who are both out cold.

Settling the frontier is a struggle against nature.

In the middle of a giant sandstorm, Alice uses me as cover and yells, “Hey, Six! Pull harder! We’ll lose the tent!”

In between repelling the attacks from the Bashin tribe, the Hiiragi tribe, monsters, and mokemokes, we’ve been steadily fortifying our base…

“What the hell is wrong with this planet’s climate?! Not a cloud in the sky one moment and a giant sandstorm the next… Gah! Snow just got blown away!”

Snow, who had been barely weathering the intense gusts, is being carried off by the wind. She had initially taken off her heavy armor to make her construction work easier, but that apparently made her too light.

“Hey, Alice, I don’t see the cross-dressing Chimera. Where’d he go?”

“Him? The first gust blasted him away, and now he’s stuck in one of the trees. I’ve sent Rose to retrieve him. At any rate, forget about the tents, Six. We won’t need them once the fortress is completed anyway. So long as you keep that stupidly heavy power armor on, you’ll be fine. Let’s get back to work,” Alice remarks while operating heavy machinery.

“You sure we can keep working under these conditions? Whoa! Alice! The storm’s blowing some dangerous stuff our way!”

Just as Alice jumps out of the cockpit, the partly constructed base and construction equipment explode.

The blast from the explosion and the sandstorm send an intense gale our way.

I look at the wreckage of the heavy machinery.

“Hey, Alice. If we keep spending Evil Points at this rate, I’m going to get arrested before we finish the hideout.”

Currently, I’m only allowed to spend Evil Points for equipment and materials needed for the base.

Which means that I’ve been building up my Evil Points balance with steady effort every day after work, but…

“Just how are you earning all these points anyway? All this construction material and equipment. Did you end up committing some massive misdeed?” Alice asks the question as though it’s been bothering her for a while.

“You worry too much. I’ll tell you how I’m doing it once the hideout’s complete. I can at least tell you I’m not doing anything dangerous.”

“…Well, I already know you’re not capable of anything too heinous, so I’m not worried about that…”

I’ve been pretty fond of infiltration missions lately, making use of the hard-won experiences from countless battles.

Basically, I’ve been sneaking into the castle every night to earn more Evil Points.

“It may not seem like it, but I’m pretty good at espionage…”

“Oh? Sounds like you’re up to something a little more impressive than your usual misdeeds. I’m looking forward to learning more.”

As Alice savors the thought, I give the order to retreat.

Really, at this pace, I have no idea how long it’s going to take to finish this. I wanted to keep all the credit for my unit, but that’s no longer a luxury I can afford. “Guess we may as well put all our effort into this. Let’s recall some of the agents deployed to the front and focus on getting this base done first. Should be easy once we properly commit Kisaragi’s efforts to it.”

“You really do love tempting fate, don’t you…?” Alice mutters with an exasperated expression as I gain confidence in our chances of victory.

5

Settling the frontier is…

“Screw this place! I’m going back to Earth!”

“I understand how you feel, Six, but calm down. If you return to Earth with a negative point total, you’ll get punished. More importantly…”

Alice looks at the things surrounding us.

“So these are the zombies you mentioned. Wonder how they’re moving? Are they animated by some sort of parasites? Or maybe they’re robots on the inside…?”

“Forget about the analysis and do something about them!”

As our fortress approaches completion, a horde of zombies has emerged from the forest to surround it.

The other agents are here today, but these odds aren’t good.

Upon closer inspection, it’s clear I’m not the only one afraid of zombies.

Rose and Russell, the Chimera pair with a keen sense of smell, are frozen by the awful stench. And all the other agents have no motivation to fight.

“Fighting’s the whole point of being an agent, isn’t it? Why are you all cowering back here anyway?”

“Zombies are our natural predators. You’ve seen zombie movies, right? Guys like us are the first to die. The more zombies you kill, the more gruesome your fate. Then there’s the fact that they splatter when you shoot them. That’s pieces of rotting human. Pretty sure my appetite’s gone for the night if I see that.”

As we’re caught up in debate, the horde of zombies begins climbing over the fence.

Just then, Snow inserts herself between the zombies and the rest of us, staring them down.

“Hrmph! How pathetic. Shambling zombies are no match for my blade.”

Despite her usual uselessness, Snow makes her declaration with an inspiring bit of confidence. But she keeps casting small glances toward Alice…

“Fine, fine. If you beat them, you can have a bonus. Our Combat Agents are apparently afraid of dumb superstitions. And they’re supposed to be evil henchmen? Pathetic. You damn chickens!”

Snow rushes in, letting out an odd cry of happiness at those words.

“Don’t call us chickens!” I snap at Alice. “Our evil nature is what makes us afraid. If there’s zombies and ghosts, that means there’s an afterlife. Given how much evil we’ve done, that means we’re all headed straight to hell. That’s why we Combat Agents are so hard to kill and cling so hard to life.”

“If you’re a Kisaragi Combat Agent, you should be treating hell like another place to conquer. But at this rate, we’re never going to finish our construction,” Alice says, looking over to Snow.

Motivated by the prospect of a bonus, Snow is wreaking havoc among the rotting zombies, ignoring the spray of rotting blood and flesh.

“Looks like she’s completely given up on being a woman…”

“Combat Agents should be like that. You’re less useful than the natives.”

Snow’s returning the zombies to their maker using a flaming magic blade; that must mean she’s bought her Flame Whatever III.

Although she’s rarely much use against powerful enemies, I guess she wasn’t a knight captain for nothing. She’s making quick work of the zombies.

A truly momentous occasion. We should give her a little encouragement.

“Good work, Snow! Just what we’d expect from Grace’s greatest swordswoman! We can’t handle zombies! I’ll let Tillis know you are worth your weight in gold!”

“…?! T-truly?! You better be serious! Feel free to exaggerate the number of zombies in your report, too!” Encouraged by my words, Snow continues her rampage, eyes glittering happily.

And it seems she’s come to the conclusion that her armor is just weighing her down against the slow zombies, unfastening her equipment to lighten her load.

With each swing of her sword, the boob knight places more and more emphasis on showing off her assets, leading my coworkers to enthusiastically cheer her on.

“Good work, otherworlder! You’re awesome!”

“I’m impressed! I owe you a drink later!”

“Keep the show going!”

Snow, aware of the skills of the average Kisaragi Combat Agent through regularly interacting with us, looks surprised at the praise they’re giving her.

Eventually, she begins to smirk…

“Tsk, it’s just zombies, boys! Leave them to me! You can just watch from over there!”

“Whoa! Look at that!”

“What a sight! She’s at least Lady Astaroth…no, Lady Belial class!”

Thoroughly egged on by the cheering, Snow eliminates the zombies, returning with a satisfied expression on her face.

“To cower in front of mere zombies in spite of your usual strength, sheesh! All right! If you ever run into zombies, leave them to me! I’ll wipe them out for you!”

Alice and I head over to welcome the giddy Snow back.

“Good work, Tittania.”

“I’m impressed, Tittania. I’ll make sure you get an extra bonus.”

“Stop calling me that! …Say, Six, I wanted to ask you. What did my admirers mean when they said I was Lady Belial class…?”

“Lady Belial is one of my superiors and one of our Supreme Leaders. She’s the head of Kisaragi’s combat division and possesses the highest power level in our organization.”

She’s also got the biggest cup size in Kisaragi.

“Th-they think I’m equal to such a person? I feel like that’s a bit of an exaggeration… B-but it’s not a bad feeling.”

Tittania smirks, evidently quite pleased at being compared to someone like that.

“I feel it’s a fair comparison. Given your age and growth potential, you’re perfectly in Lady Belial’s class.”

“Y-you think so? Well, if you’re willing to go that far. I—I mean, I did climb to knight captain. I’m pretty confident in my blade skills.”

Tittania, who is actually pretty easy to manipulate, happily swings her sword around.

Just then…

“We’ve got a fresh batch! Hey! We’ve got another load of zombies coming out of the forest!” shouts the Combat Agent keeping watch on the forest.

Looking over in that direction, I catch sight of a few hundred zombies emerging from the forest heading straight to the hideout…!

“All right, it’s time for you to shine. Go show us what you’re made of!”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I can’t handle that many. Let me in!”

Quickly giving up on stopping the zombies, Snow starts yelling and rattling the fence surrounding the hideout.

“Of course you disappoint the moment I have a little faith in you. You’re as useless as ever, Tittania!”

“That’s fine! I’ll be Tittania! Just let me in! Please! There’s way too many of them!” Tittania pleads tearfully.

“Ohhh? Seems you’ve finally come to terms with your worth, eh? Well, in that case, I suppose I can help you. But listen. You better treat me with the respect due to a superior. Second, you better obey my orders! When I say show off your boobs, you bend forward, got it? Next…”

…?

I swear there’s an animal suit out there in the forest.

No, wait, that’s a giant cat plushie…

Just as I narrow my eyes and focus my gaze to get a better look in that direction…

“Hey, Six! You staying behind? We’re ditching this place for now! Get a move on!”

…Alice calls out to me from a distance, as I’d stayed at the hideout to taunt Snow.

…A distance?

“Wait, you’re all out already?! Snow, you’re supposed to be a knight, right? Hold them off for us!”

“I’m a woman before I’m a knight! I totally wouldn’t mind if you let me leave first! You should hold them off!”

“Don’t try to play the woman card at times like this! Alice, help!”

6

It’s the day after we abandoned fortress construction and returned to town.

Alice is pissed off because of all the delays.

We’re currently occupying the city’s park and have turned it into a temporary base.

Obviously, they’d yell at us if we built an actual base there, so we just set up a bunch of tents.

“Okay, time to rethink our plan. Sorry, Six, I haven’t been taking this planet seriously enough. I didn’t expect to fail with this many Combat Agents involved. This is on me,” Alice says as I finish putting up my tent.

Given her usual confidence, it’s weird for her to be so contrite.

Alice spreads out a map of the surrounding area, kneeling down in front of it. “I chose that land for our base because I thought it would let us watch over Toris and our competition while gathering samples from the forest. But it’s time to stop being so greedy. We’ll wait till things calm down a bit before sending a unit to collect samples.”

“I was hoping that having the forest nearby would let us eat mokemokes whenever we wanted. So if we’re giving up on the forest, are we moving our base location?”

Alice shakes her head in response. “Let’s burn down the forest. That’ll throw the natives and fauna into a panic. We can use that time to finish construction.”

I can’t shake the feeling that this new approach seems a little extreme. If this planet had any environmental groups, they’d be coming after us with torches and pitchforks. I mean, arson is every villain’s dream, but…

“The Cursed Forest spans most of the continent. Reducing a woodland that size to ash would take a long, long time. After a large-scale bombing or fire, the air gets filled with soot and ash, which leads to cloud formation and rain. Keep that in mind. A forest that big won’t be reduced to wasteland just from a little fire—go burn to your heart’s content.”

“I suppose flamethrowers would make it easier to deal with the zombies, too… And so long as it’s a forest fire…” I look to my side. “…We can have him handle fire suppression.”

“…I mean, sure, I’m good with water magic, so firefighting would be something I could handle, but…listening to your conversation makes me think you guys are a lot more of a threat to humanity than us demons could ever hope to be.”

There’s a hint of exasperation in Russell’s tone as he busily prepares everyone’s meals over the stove he built next to the tents.

With the Cursed Forest before us, Alice calls out to the group.

“Are you ready, you bastards? We’re an evil organization! Leave your morals at the door! Raze that forest to the ground—zombies, mokemokes, mipyokopyokos, and all!”

““““WHOO-HOO!””””

The Combat Agents let out a cheerful whoop.

You shouldn’t join an evil organization if you’re afraid of a little environmental destruction.

With each of them equipped with a flamethrower, all Combat Agents other than me let loose a stream of fire toward the forest. Even Rose gets swept up in the moment and joins in the festivities, adding her flame breath to the mix.

As the wet trees start bursting into flame, the forest—ever the perpetual thorn in our side—begins to go up in smoke.

I bet my coworkers are going to earn a lot of Evil Points for this assignment.

Flamethrowers are an evildoer’s dream weapon.

I watch my coworkers happily engaging in arson and mumble…

“Sigh, if only I was allowed to order weapons, too…”

“You Combat Agents have a weird attachment to flamethrowers.”

Just as I’m enviously watching my coworkers commit a grand act of arson…

“Hey! What are you doing to the forest?”

…a voice calls to us from behind, interrupting my and Alice’s observations.

It’s Snow, galloping toward us on a unicorn after seeing the black smoke rising from the forest.

I turn to Snow with my best evil grin. “What does it look like? We’re burning down the forest. We’re an evil organization. The ends always justify the means! If it’s gonna mess with our base construction, we’ll reduce the whole thing to ash!”

“You’re showing off now,” Alice retorts, “but you were the one who was worried about taking things too far.”

“There’s no time for your petty banter! Hurry and retreat. The forest is about to retaliate.”

…The forest can retaliate?

“Gaaaahhhh?! B-Boss! BOSS!!”

I turn toward the sudden scream and see Rose hanging upside down in the air, a root holding her up by her ankle.

Meanwhile, the Combat Agents, myself included, gather around her.

“H-hey?! Wh-why are you just watching instead of helping?”

We settle down in a spot under Rose, sitting on the ground and gazing up serenely.

As the announcements of Evil Point acquisition chime in our heads, Rose takes in a deep breath, holding up her skirt as gravity tries to peel it away—

“W-wait, hold on! We’ll get you down, so don’t use your breath!”

The other Combat Agents scatter as Rose prepares to strike.

Using my R-Buzzsaw, I prepare to hack away at the roots grabbing Rose…

“B-Boss! Behind you! Look behind you!”

“Hmm? Whoa! The hell is this?!”

Turning around, I see the ground shift and wriggle around me. Roots are starting to pop out here and there; this must be what Snow meant by the forest retaliating.

“Keep burning, boys! Use your flamethrowers from a distance and burn the damned things away!”

I give the orders as I jump to safety, but the ground beneath the Combat Agents swells as though it’s about to explode…!

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Wh-whoa! Th-this thing’s trying to strip away my power armor! Stop! I’m not an exhibitionist like Six!”

“There are tons of pretty girls around here! Why are you attacking me?! Pay attention, dammit!”

Reduced to a struggling mass, the Combat Agents fight against the roots tangling around them.

Although the strength boosts from the power armor are letting them resist the roots, the flamethrowers aren’t much use against the ones that approach from underground.

As if mocking our confusion, the trees begin spraying a mist from their leaves.

“…This planet’s flora comes with its own fire-suppression abilities?” observes Alice from a distance. “That’s incredibly fascinating.”

“This is hardly the time for observations! We’re outmatched! Let’s get outta here!” I yell as I chop up the roots holding Rose with my R-Buzzsaw.

Just then, we hear a high-pitched scream.

“Gyaaaaaaaaaah!”

I look over and see our resident firefighter, Russell, getting snatched up by a bunch of roots.

“You know… He kinda looks like a pretty maid getting groped by tentacles, but he’s still got a dick…”

“Would you stop with the weird comments? The forest is only getting started! We should get out of here while it’s occupied with Russell!”

Snow offers a harsh proposal, but Alice holds up her hand to shoot it down.

“I’m all for running, but go cut down one of the trees. There’s something I want to try.”

7

A good distance away from the forest, we slump onto the ground, exhausted. Alice uses points from the other Combat Agents to order a variety of chemicals from Earth. She appears to be experimenting with the tree we’d grabbed on the way out.

I settle next to Alice and watch her work. “What are you up to this time?”

“Trying out various defoliants. Looks like they work on this planet’s plants, too. If these didn’t work, I was going to have them send me viruses tailored for plant use.”

No biological weapons. Ever.

“Hey, Alice, are you sure these defoliants are safe? They’re not poisonous to humans, are they?”

“We’ve come a long way since Vietnam. Kisaragi Corporation defoliants break down and become harmless after a month. They only use natural ingredients, so they’re even safe to drink.”

That actually sounds pretty shady.

“All right, we’ll dispense it using drones. Make sure you’re somewhere safe, just in case.”

“Hey, you’re sure this stuff is safe, right? What do you mean ‘just in case’? Didn’t you say it was okay to drink?”

Alice ignores my concerns, quickly loading the defoliant onto a drone.

And then—

“Hey! That weird thing just started flying! Boss, what is that?!”

“Wow! It’s flying! Flying!”

Excited by the foreign tech, the two Chimeras watch the drone with rapt attention.

“That’s a drone. It’s an unmanned plane that Alice controls with her remote… Hey! What are you doing?! Don’t try to shoot it down!”

The drone seems to trigger the Chimeras’ predator instincts.

I manage to stop them just as they start grabbing rocks and throwing them at the drone.

“Six, keep those two on a leash, will you? We’ll try dispersing the defoliant with a single drone. If it works, we’ll use a fleet of them and get this taken care of,” Alice says as she sends the drone to hover over the forest.

The drone begins dispersing defoliant…

With a bang, the drone disappears.

“The weird thing’s gone.”

“Whoa! It vanished in a blink of an eye! Drones are awesome!”

It really seems to have stirred up something inside the two as they keep chattering excitedly.

“Drones don’t just vanish! Hey, Alice, something just sniped the drone!”

“Wait, that’s…”

Before Alice can finish speaking, the forest suddenly splits open.

The rock-hard trees give way…

I let out a loud cry.

“It’s a beautiful girl! A beautiful, naked girl just popped out of the ground! This planet’s got trees that grow beautiful girls! Hooray!”

“Hooray for new worlds!”

“Hooray for beautiful girls!”

A beautiful girl, growing out of the bushes, smiles over at us. Her body is wrapped in budding vines.

The vines are covering her most sensitive spots, but the look is actually more erotic than if she were just plain naked.

The green-haired girl points a finger at us as we stand there cheering.

“Get it together, you meatheads; that’s a hostile life-form! It probably has some sort of projectile weapon.” Alice ducks behind me and issues a warning to the Combat Agents.

The green-haired girl pointing her finger toward us lets out a soft chuckle and the tips of the buds suddenly face us—

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Wait, this stuff hurts even through the power armor! It’ll split your head open like a pomegranate if you’re not careful!”

I throw my hands up to guard my face as a bunch of hard objects are thrown in my direction.

Alice yells out again from behind me. “Retreat! Deploy riot shields and retreat!”

“Wait! I can’t order a riot shield with my equipment restrictions! Someone shield me, please!”

I glance around with my arms still guarding my face and only see my coworkers backing away under the cover of their shields.

Snow and Rose were standing near me just a moment ago, but they appear to have made a run for it the moment the forest split open.

“The equipment! Use the equipment for cover! Even that won’t damage a power shovel…”

As I retreat toward the construction equipment, the green-haired girl smiles again.

“Aahhhh! Alice! Aliiiice!”

“Calm down, Six. She’s no different from the mutant Two-Mouthed Woman.”

The top of the girl’s head pops open like a blossom, and then she turns to the equipment.

It looks like she’s preparing to launch another attack like the flower buds from earlier.

The construction equipment rings as though hit by a bullet, then tips over onto its side. There is a huge dent in its frame.

Then the equipment’s gas catches fire, and black smoke begins rising from it.

Staring at it, Alice and I mutter:

““Let’s go home.””

8

Reoccupying the park and setting up our tents and fire pits as our hideout (temporarily), we settle down to rest our tired bodies.

It’s the middle of the night, and everyone is fast asleep by the time I’m able to crawl out of my tent.

It all just started on a whim. Something I came up with by chance.

I just wanted to surprise her while she slept. But now it’s escalated, and I can’t figure out how to stop. I’m well aware of the consequences if I get caught. Everything I’ve worked to establish will come crumbling down overnight.

But I can’t afford to stop now.

Looking over at the tents where everyone is sleeping, I nod.

Off I go…

With the moon out tonight, the spot where I drove my stakes in last time is brightly lit.

I can’t use the same route this time.

But that’s where the Kisaragi power armor comes in.

Careful to avoid the guards, I get a running start and jump.

Thanks to the power armor’s assistance, I manage to grab hold of the top of the outer wall.

Ordinarily, I’d use my stake gun to climb the rest of the way, but adaptability is the name of the game for infiltration missions.

Dropping into the courtyard, I spray Tiger Man’s scent like last time…

“Have you heard the rumors? Evidently, someone in an animal suit is causing trouble in the city. There hasn’t been much damage yet, but I hear it’s a little different from the usual stuff.”

“Those scary stories are pretty common this time of year, though. Nothing particularly weird about a doll going on a rampage. But never mind that; did you hear? One of the cleaning girls mentioned it, but evidently they’ve noticed a man’s scent in the princess’s bedroom. Could it be that the princess is sneaking someone into her room…?”

Maids on the night shift exchange gossip as they make their way down the hall, while I duck under some bushes.

I’m tempted to follow the maids, but that’s not why I’m here tonight.

Of course, my destination is—

<Large Sum of Evil Points Acquired>

At the announcement of a massive point gain, I’m overcome with emotion.

She looks so innocent…

Her typically grown-up expression and smile have melted away, and the Tillis in front of me wears a youthful expression as she sleeps.

She is a young woman who bears the weight of this country on her shoulders with her political skill, a figure admired for taking on the burdens of running the country in her unreliable father’s stead.

Next to a national treasure, I strip my power armor off, and—

Careful not to make any noise, I begin assembling my Jenga set near the sleeping Tillis.