FINAL CHAPTER

Undead Night!

1

Weaving between the wandering dolls, I run like hell through the streets of Grace.

“Hey, Commander, could you hold on a moment?! Wait, wait, please; my underwear’s going to show!”

“Why are you worrying about that now? It’s hardly the time! Besides, I’ve seen your underwear countless times! It’s a little late to be embarrassed!”

After getting ambushed by that mysterious stuffed animal, I’m trying to make my way back to the temporary hideout in the park. With her wheelchair destroyed, I’m hauling Grimm over my back.

“Dammit, what the hell was that thing? It’s heavy, rock-solid, and OP as hell! There’s no way we can beat it without a decent weapon!”

It’s just another stuffed animal.

With that thought in mind, the first thing I tried was kicking it.

But that cat doll blocked the blow with the metal club, coordinating with other dolls to counterattack.

Then I thought to grapple with it and tear it to shreds. But for some reason, it had a lot of mass for a stuffed animal, and its monstrous strength was even greater than mine with my power armor. It almost broke my back.

Unfortunately, Alice has my main weapon, the R-Buzzsaw, under lock and key (although I can always get it back when I leave the city) after I attacked Tiger Man.

It might also be because when I got drunk, I chopped down a few trees they consider holy in this country, or the fact that I got drunk and tried to carve a large boulder popular with tourists into the shape of a pretty woman.

“Commander, can you at least carry me bridal style instead of giving me a piggyback ride?! My skirt keeps riding up, and at this rate, I really will be exposed! If you run around town while I’m like that, I’m really going to make you take responsibility!”

“Are you trying to make me ditch you?! You can run on your own feet!”

“It’d be one thing if we were inside the castle or in a building, but you’d really make a barefoot girl run around outside?! The gravel really hurts!”

Actually, wait a minute…!

“Why am I getting attacked by your dolls in the first place?! You’re the leader of these undead. Do something!”

“Wh-what am I supposed to do? Sure, I made those dolls, but I don’t recognize any of the spirits possessing them. I bet there’s just something inside of them! Are you sure you don’t have anyone who wants you dead?”

It’s possible there are people inside.

I mean, there’s plenty of precedent with Heine and Rose, and more than that…

“I’ve got way too many people who hate me. It’s pointless to try and narrow them down…”

“Say, Commander, just go ahead and set me down! I can’t imagine I’m not just getting caught up in your problems!”

If I leave Grimm behind, getting rid of the extra weight would make it easier to run.

But there’s the possibility that the cat doll is holding back because I’m carrying Grimm.

For some reason, the cat doll hasn’t gone all out yet.

If anything, it feels like it’s watching for something…

“Come on—we’re comrades, aren’t we? I won’t just leave you behind; trust me.”

“I’m not your comrade; I’m your subordinate! I can’t trust you when you’re so eager to point out your rank the rest of the time! But anyway, carry me bridal style! If you’re going to keep carrying me, then at least do it right! If you don’t, all the men in the city will see my panties!”

With Grimm yelling into my ear, I give in and shift to carrying her the way she wants.

I punt a pig doll when it pounces on us from the side, then survey my surroundings for anything I can use as a weapon.

“…Say, Commander, what should we do? I know I suggested it, but being carried like this, even under these circumstances, makes my heart flutter…”

I toss Grimm at the cat doll that’s been following us.

<Evil Points Acquired>

2

Activating the power armor’s general-purpose camo feature, I use my arms to hide my face and duck into the shadow of a garbage can.

While it’s not on the level of high-priced equipment like the optical camo, it’s enough to let you avoid casual scrutiny.

I figured it would be fine, since she told me to leave her there, but I didn’t think it’d end up this way.

“Commander, come out here! I know you’re here! You have until I count to ten! If not, I’ll curse you so that you won’t be able to meet any attractive members of the opposite sex for at least a year!”

Yikes. Talk about suicide terrorism.

In spite of the possibility of getting hit by the curse herself, she’s willing to suffer the consequences if it means she can get her revenge.

But this doesn’t even rise to the level of a threat.

If I won’t meet new attractive women, it just means I will focus on the ones I already know.

I’m already surrounded by women—female bosses, subordinates, coworkers, and even enemies.

I wouldn’t be able to handle any more potential heroines, so I don’t care if I don’t meet new—

“I’m right here! Here I am! Let’s just calm down!”

I raise my hands and rise from behind the garbage can.

It’s better to have as many new encounters as possible.

Duh.

“You ass! I’ve always dreamed of being carried that way, and then you tossed me into a dumpster!”

The stuffed cat that was chasing us dodged when I threw Grimm at it, complicating the situation.

Even I wasn’t planning to go that far, but…

“I get what you’re trying to say, Commander. You’re saying the world’s spinsters should be disposed of. Heh-heh-heh… What to do? What to do? What should I do to this insufferable ass?”

“Wait, calm down. Let’s negotiate. I’ll introduce you to one of my lively co–Combat Agents. He’s young, strong, and loyal, and he’s got a promising future, too!”

Note I haven’t claimed he’s handsome.

Is the situation too much for even a desperate spinster to bite?

…But Grimm goes quiet for a few minutes.

“…That’s the same thing the matchmaking service told me; I won’t be fooled. But I suppose I can at least listen to your pitch. Depending on what you say, I might forgive you for throwing me in the trash.”

Grimm is standing barefoot in the middle of the road, rooted to the spot by inner conflict, when a shadow falls across her.

The cat doll that had been following me suddenly appears behind Grimm and…

I can’t shake a sense of déjà vu at the sight.

I act before I think.

I draw my pistol and shoot the cat doll in the head.

“Eeep! W-wait, Commander—what are you…?”

Behind the frightened Grimm, the cat doll keeps its club raised, reaching up and pressing its free hand to its head.

Grimm glances over her shoulder and sees what’s going on, then runs toward me.

“Help, Commander! I just had a terrible flashback!”

“I feel close to remembering something, too! This is bad. That weapon looks familiar as well!”

Yes, I remember that heavy club.

I may easily forget faces and things people say, but when it comes to combat, my memory’s pretty good.

Yes… There’s no mistaking him.

“I remember now! That’s the Battering Hero, the Golden Bat! He was a Hero who had to give up his dream of becoming a professional ballplayer after tearing a tendon, and because his name is similar to a very famous Hero, he’s referred to as the Imitation Bat…”

“No, that’s not it, Commander! That can’t be it! Because I’m feeling déjà vu over the thing inside the cat doll, too!”

Grimm ducks behind my back, pointing her finger at the cat doll.

“You, identify yourself! If you’re undead, then you can’t escape Lord Zenarith’s rule! And that doll’s one of my masterpieces! I’m really fond of it so don’t damage it… Oh no!”

Ignoring Grimm’s warning, the cat doll begins to stuff the cotton spilling from the bullet hole back inside.

“What are you doing to the fruits of my labor, Commander? Do you know how much time it took to make this many dolls…?”

“This is hardly the time! The other dolls are coming closer, too! Are you sure you’re a bishop or whatever?”

The dolls nearby approach and surround the cat doll, as though to shield it.

Minus the cat doll in the middle, the dolls move awkwardly, as though they’re puppets on strings.

“In the name of Archbishop Grimm, I beseech you, Lord Zenarith! Remove your blessing from the undead here and return them to—”

“Stop that, dammit! How many times do you plan to kill yourself? We’re out of offerings to sacrifice to bring you back to life!”

I’ve lost count of the number of times Grimm’s done her suicide spell; pretty sure we’re playing with fire here.

But Grimm tilts her head with a curious expression. “What are you going on about, Commander? Undead can’t commit suicide. I’m just going to remove the blessing of undeath from them.”

“Do you not remember how you’ve been dying lately? You keep collapsing along with the other undead!”

Seems this useless bishop doesn’t remember that she was removing her own blessing each time along with the rest.

Grimm looks unconvinced. “I find it hard to believe that I, Miss Grimm, would do something so stupid… Still, there’s something wrong with these dolls. They didn’t even twitch at the mention of Lord Zenarith’s name. There might be a necromancer inside that cat doll…”

Necromancer.

A term that describes magic users who control the dead and that conjures images of antisocial and depressive people.

But the cat doll in front of us is most definitely the warrior type.

“Nah, just from fighting with that thing, I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of meathead. Necromancers are pretty smart, right? I mean this one’s dumb enough to possess a cat doll.”

“Not so loud—it can hear you… Hey, Commander, it seems to be quivering…”

The cat doll begins to tremble as though holding back its anger. It points its free hand toward the ground…

<Elite Four member of the Demon Lord’s Army, Gadalkand of the Earth, commands you!>

I hear the order inside my head like my internal announcer.

Probably because it has no vocal cords.

<Kill all the living in this city!!>

The cat doll issues the command telepathically.

3

Running desperately through the city of Grace, I call into my headset, “This is Agent Six! I’m being chased by a weirdo! Requesting backup! Bring me a weapon! Right now, I’m in front of the bookstore where the busty girl works! Bring me a powerful weapon! OVER!”

“Owwww! My feet hurt! Commander, carry me! I don’t care if it’s a piggyback ride! Please carry me!” Grimm screams to me as I call for reinforcements.

“This is a good opportunity for you to toughen your feet up! What are we gonna do?! The undead are flooding the city!”

“Don’t look at me! Commander, what do we do? People are going to blame me for this!”

Grimm’s on the verge of tears, either from running around barefoot or because of the situation.

Thanks to Gaddy Lad or whatever his name is, a ton of zombies have popped out of the ground.

That’s not a metaphor. They’re literally popping out of the ground.

As might be expected, the citizens of the city are panicking at the sudden horde of zombies.

Some try to put up a fight; others try to run.

An old woman calls out to a zombie, asking if it’s the old man from next door. It looks like she’s trying to take it home with her.

“Leave that part to me. If we report the situation to Alice, who’s in command, I’m sure she’ll figure something out. All we need to do is keep him occupied as we wait for reinforcements. Looks like it’s just the zombies attacking the people around us. Zombies may look horrible, but they don’t seem overly strong, so we probably don’t have to worry about the citizens getting slaughtered! …I hope!”

“You could at least show some confidence there! You get paid to defend this country, don’t you?! …Still, I wasn’t expecting Gadalkand of the Earth, one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, to return… I let my guard down. He was controlling golems when we first faced him. I should have known he was capable of this, too…”

Grimm clicks her tongue with a dark expression on her face, but I feel like I’m still not getting the whole picture.

“You know Gaddy Lad? What’s his deal anyway? He’s clearly coming after me.”

“He introduced himself, remember?! He’s Gadalkand of the Earth! He’s the Elite Four member that you killed! Demons proficient with earth magic also have a connection to undead that spring from tainted earth. I should have expected as much from an elite. He wasn’t just a simple warrior type…”

Undead are earth-element focused, hmm?

I guess that’s more or less the case on Earth, too.

“Now that you mention it, it’s all coming back to me. He’s the guy who blew your head off. When I saw him behind you with his club, I knew I’d seen this before.”

“Please don’t say things like ‘blew your head off’! It’s still kind of a touchy subject!”

Despite running barefoot next to me, Grimm seems to be holding up pretty well.

I figured that a nocturnal priestess would be a bit more of a bookworm, but we might be able to run off pretty easily—

“…Wait. What happened to the guy that was chasing us?”

I’ve lost track of how much we’ve run, but the cat doll chasing us has disappeared.

Just then, Grimm gasps with a realization.

“Oh dear! The castle! He’s headed to the castle! Inside the shrine in the castle—”

At the same time, a zombie pops up in front of us to block our path.

“Graaaah!”

“Zombies aren’t scary in daytime! Come at me, dammit! …Okay, I lied; that’s creepy! Grimm, do something!”

“Commander, you’re surprisingly useless today! In the name of Grimm, Archbishop of Zenarith…”

Seeing zombies in the light brings out all the creepy little details.

Grimm draws in a deep breath and shouts in a voice that rings throughout the city:

“To the kingdom’s citizens who are visiting home from the land of the dead! Aid me in sending back your kin who are suffering all across this city! To all undead who hear me. In Lord Zenarith’s name…”

“Ah! Don’t, Grimm!”

Grimm takes out something like a charm, gripping it tightly, and calls for aid from the surrounding undead.

The item she retrieved must be extremely precious…

Casting her gaze down briefly to the object gripped in her hand, she declares with a little frown—

“Regain your senses and, with your mind clear, act as you will!”

4

The moment Grimm utters her spell, the charm disappears with a burst of bright light.

All the fuss around Grimm suddenly stops, leaving only silence.

The dolls that were rampaging immediately stop attacking, and one of the zombies that was approaching us suddenly starts looking around curiously…

“Wh-whaffa? Whaf’s foin fon? Whaf fa feck if all liff…”

Evidently, its vocal cords are on their last legs.

The zombie notices it is the one trying to speak and looks down at its hands.

“…Whoa, I’m a fombie…”

It seems the zombie’s figured out what’s going on and glances around, at a loss…

Eventually, its eyes stop on Grimm.

“Lafy Frimm, Affbiffop off Fenariff… Um…”

Sounds like he wanted to say, “Lady Grimm, Archbishop of Zenarith.” The zombie looks to Grimm and breaks out in a wide smile when she nods wordlessly at him.

“In the name of Lord Zenarith, I forgive your trespass from the nether realm and hereby permit you to return to your slumber.”

“F-fank you…”

Her usual incompetence seems to have fled, and Grimm smiles as if to reassure the zombie, looking every bit the holy woman.

“Now go and resume your rest…”

Grimm, unfazed by the fetid smell of the zombie, reaches over and gently takes its decrepit hands in both her own.

The zombie closes its eyes as if at peace, then silently crumbles back to the earth.

Having witnessed Grimm’s actions, I—

“Emergency, emergency! This is Agent Six! Grimm’s been possessed! Requesting a skilled healer, over!”

“Hold on! If you’re going to nitpick about my current holy state, I’ve got some thoughts of my own!”

Five minutes later.

<Yo, Six, come in. What’s happening?>

I get an intercom message from Alice.

“Impressive, Commander. I didn’t think I’d end up using this ace up my sleeve. This is an evil…er, holy item I’ve been praying to for a long, long time. Let’s put an end to this. Now face the apex of disaster…!”

Faced with an excited Grimm, I suddenly come to my senses.

“We don’t have time for this! Hey, Grimm, get yourself together! The undead are still going on a rampage! You’re the festival organizer! You have no time to be playing around!”

“……?! Y-you’re right! What am I doing?! No, wait! Commander, you were the one who…! Besides, you were responding pretty enthusiastically yourself!”

After returning Grimm to her senses, I report the current conditions to Alice.

“Alice, the city’s a mess! I bought Grimm a necklace after she started tearfully clinging to me, and suddenly a stuffed cat that’s actually Gaddy Lad attacked us, and then a zombie went poof, and Grimm’s gone batshit insane!”

<You’re making no sense. Put Grimm on the line.>

I hand Grimm the small mic and teach her how to use the intercom feature.

However, the receiver for this intercom broadcasts incoming messages directly into the Combat Agent’s head, meaning I’ll have to interpret Alice’s side of the conversation.

“I see you’re carrying more oddities. So I just need to speak into this?”

“Right. Can you explain the current situation to Alice?”

Finally caught up thanks to Grimm’s explanation, Alice starts spitting orders.

<All right, I understand now. We just need to treat it like a terrorist attack on the city. I’ll get Snow to take command of idle knights and Combat Agents and work on restoring order to the city. You’re sure Gadalkand’s heading to the castle shrine?>

“She says she’ll hit the dolls with Snow and the knights. She’s also asking if you’re sure that Gadalkand’s heading to the shrine.”

“No doubt about it. That’s where we’ve been keeping Gadalkand’s head. The only reason he can act is because it’s during the Undead Festival,” Grimm replies with a deathly serious expression, and Alice goes quiet on the other end of the intercom. “Since it belonged to an enemy as high profile as an Elite Four member, we were cleansing the head in the shrine to eliminate any chance of Gadalkand’s return. But Gadalkand harbored so much hatred that we haven’t been able to complete the cleansing. The Undead Festival is when Lord Zenarith’s power is at its peak. My guess is that Gadalkand’s going to recover his head from the shrine and take advantage of the festival to return as a full-fledged greater undead creature.”

I’ve abandoned thinking for myself because of the complicated discussion and ask Alice to give me a summary.

“So what does this mean?”

<He’ll be at the shrine. I’ll bring you a weapon, so make sure you finish him off this time.>

Alice always gives easy-to-understand explanations.

“Oh, that’s no different from what I usually do. You didn’t have to make it sound so complicated; you could have just explained it simply like Alice did.”

“I made things pretty easy to understand! What exactly did Alice say?”

I ignore Grimm as she kicks up a fuss, turning my gaze to the castle.

“Target: hostile undead Gadalkand. Since we’ve got no one else who can fight today, Grimm, make sure you watch my back.”

“You’re going to make me walk barefoot to the castle?! Either carry me in your arms or on your back!”

Once things calm down, I’ll have to figure out an easy way to carry her.

5

The road to the castle has become a hellscape.

Seeing the knights scattered here and there, Grimm lets out a cry of despair.

“Oh my…! If he’s exhibiting this much power in a temporary body…”

To beat this many knights so easily—yes, I can see how remarkable that is.

“Grimm, this is starting to feel a bit hopeless. He seems a lot stronger than when I beat him. Right now, he’s a doll. I don’t know how I’m supposed to land a killing blow, and any hope that he’s weak because he’s a doll is… Well, just look…”

Just as I’m considering retreat, one of the fallen knights raises his head.

“Th-that’s not what happened…”

…?

“It was the mutant Tiger Man who disabled us… Lady Snow said the enemy commander was a cat-shaped stuffed animal and that the priority was to finish it off. She sent knights in pursuit of it… The knights who didn’t know Tiger Man mistook him for the enemy and attacked him, so he retaliated…”

“Where’s the one who issued that order?”

The knight points to the castle, then, as if running out of strength, collapses.

Just then…

…Alice speaks in a voice loud enough to echo through the city.

“All Combat Agents and knights in the city, report to the castle immediately. Attack the cat-shaped stuffed animal on sight. It’s a cat, not a tiger. Repeat, all Combat Agents and knights report to the castle!”

It seems she used a special voice amplifier; the windows in the city shake, and everyone turns toward the voice.

“…Hey, most of the problems that happened during this Undead Festival were either your fault or the faults of people you knew, Commander…”

“All right, let’s head to the castle. This is all because of Snow. She ignored Alice’s orders and let her hunger for glory blind her. Got it?”

“All right. This is all Snow’s fault. All the problems with this Undead Festival are Snow’s fault.”

It’s reassuring to see Grimm thinking about her own self-preservation.

As for me—

“…It’s Mariel! Bloody Mary is hunting zombies!”

“Good work, Mariel! You’re the true champ!”

I can hear some people yelling in the distance, although what they’re saying is strange. I dash forward while carrying Grimm on my back.

“Commander, there are zombies over there, too. I’ll return them to their senses; can you head there for a moment?”

“Leave it to me! …Say, Grimm, we’re kind of impressive today, aren’t we? Almost like heroes saving the city!”

I had always dreamed of being a hero.

I walked the path of evil thanks to a combination of no talent for heroism and those employers, but I’m a bit excited at the opportunity to feel like I’m fulfilling my childhood dream.

Grimm looks at me with a happy little smile. “There’s times where you’re like a purehearted little kid. I don’t dislike that about you, Commander.”

“That might be nice to hear, if you weren’t piggybacking on me with your butt hanging out…”

“B-butt! It’s still covered, right?! My skirt’s not completely hiked… Oh, oh, hang on a moment! We’re almost at the castle; let me fix my skirt hem!”

Grimm and I head toward the castle, stopping to bring the zombies back to their senses and convince them to return to the earth.

I’m carrying Grimm on my back, and maybe it’s because I’m wearing power armor, but I’m not getting as much out of the experience as I’d prefer.

Then there’s the whole comparison between Snow and Grimm…

“Hmm… Personality aside, I think I’d rather carry Snow on my back than Grimm…”

“Hey, just what part of me are you comparing to Snow?! Let me point out that mine are average. Actually, maybe even bigger than average. And I don’t hold back with a man I love. You know, it’s a pretty common thing, right? You start to worry after you get intimate at the start of a relationship because you wonder if he’s just after your body…that sort of thing. Well, I’d never worry about anything so trivial!”

Seems I’ve touched some sort of nerve, and Grimm starts babbling again.

“The fact that you start defending yourself against things I haven’t even said is part of what makes you so annoying.”

“?!”

Carrying a shocked Grimm on my back, I head to the next group of zombies.

Despite looking like she has something she wants to say, Grimm does her task effectively.

…Sure, she’s a pervert who shows off her butt while getting carried around, but every time she returns a zombie to the earth, she’s got the look of a proper bishop.

“You know, if you always had that whole priestly-aura thing going on, I’m pretty sure you’d have been married ages ago.”

“Wh-what do you mean, Commander? Don’t say things like that. They catch me off guard. You really ought to stop toying with my emotions.”

Evidently, one of the costs of her long spinster life is that she’s no longer able to handle compliments.

Grimm gently holds the zombie’s hand to reassure it as she returns it to the earth, giving no sign she’s bothered by the zombie ichor getting on her hand.

Even though the combination of bare feet and clothes dirty from running makes her look like a homeless woman…

“If you just keep your mouth shut, I bet you’ll be married within a few years.”

“I’m not going to live my life that way! I’ll find a nice husband who’ll accept me even if I am a follower of Zenarith. And even if I stay single, I have someone who’ll take me ten years from now, so it’s not a big deal.”

Oh great, she’s taking that promise seriously!

You know, that’s the sort of thing that drives men away. I really want to lecture her about that for an hour or so.

Still…

“It’s getting worse the closer we get to the castle.”

“Yes… S-say, Commander, being an elite demon, Gadalkand’s stronger than expected. If worse comes to worst, will you protect me? It’s possible his powers as a necromancer are greater than mine.”

There’s battered dolls scattered all around us, all people who died protecting this kingdom.

And now, even when visiting after death, they’ve sacrificed themselves again in their kingdom’s time of need.

They must have thrown themselves in front of Gadalkand as he headed to the castle, holding him off as they were battered.

Grimm stops to embrace each of the dolls, whispering something to them before setting them back down.

“Seriously, if only you’d show this side of you more often…”

“…? Hmm? What is it?”

Men are pretty weak toward women who have different sides to them, but if I told her that, I feel like she’d spent every waking moment cleansing the undead.

It’s attractive because she shows her hidden side every once in a while, but I can just see her overplaying the whole “holy woman” thing.

“Never mind. Anyway, we’re almost at the castle. Are you ready? There aren’t many zombies or dolls left; we’re almost to the main target.”

“I know. I’ll use my secret weapon if things get desperate.”

Grimm then takes something from her breast pocket.

It’s a necklace for a child, the very item she tried to use in our earlier battle. She must have started carrying it in her breast pocket after she started worrying people would think she was too old for it.

“Cursing people extracts a cost. Of course, the more important the object, the better. This is a gift I was given as a child by my childhood sweetheart.”

…I have a bad feeling about this.

“If it’s that precious, put it away. Once Alice gets here, we’ll manage somehow.”

In fact, please keep it as your most precious memento for years to come.

Otherwise, it’ll seem like you’re okay letting it go because you recently got a necklace that can take its place…

“No, it’s all right. I have the new necklace you gave me, Commander. Childhood memories should stay memories. I can’t be tied down by the past forever; it’s time for me to move forward!”

“Hey, you do remember what I said, right? I said I’ll take you if you’re still single ten years from now. If you find someone good in the meantime, go get ’em, okay?”

“I wonder how you are these days. When we were five, you said you’d marry me when we grew up, yet you so easily fell to the wiles of a big-breasted woman the moment we hit puberty. Are you happy now…?”

“Hey, can you stop it with the whole I’ve found someone new, so I’ll live my life moving past you sort of vibe?”

6

“I’ll walk on my own feet from here. It feels like we have a fight coming up. I’d just get in your way if you had to carry me.”

“It’s a little late to try and convince me that you’re low-maintenance… There’s someone here.”

As we approach the castle’s main gate, I notice someone fighting.

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! None shall pass! Die by the hand of Flame Zapper the Third!”

Snow is enthusiastically burning the stuffed animals and zombies approaching the gate.

“Grimm, I’ve got an eye on our guy. I’ll leave the zombies and dolls to you. I’ll go capture the puppet master responsible.”

“Of course, leave them to me. Please make sure you apprehend the culprit,” Grimm responds in a low voice as she approaches the zombies.

“You two are too late! I’ve already claimed all the credit! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, look around you! All this speaks to my contribution! But this is only the beginning. The enemy leader is a cat-shaped stuffed animal. The knights are currently looking for it. On my command! No doubt it’s only a matter of time before the enemy commander falls!”

With an ecstatic Snow in front of us, Grimm and I exchange nods.

“Raaaah! Surrender, you villain!” I grab the cackling Snow.

“Wha—?! Six, how dare you!”

“Commander, hold her like that for a bit! There, there, it’s all right now. There’s no more need to fight against your will. Leave everything to me and return to your rest.”

After making sure Snow’s been restrained, Grimm returns the undead to their senses.

Carrying out her task of returning the undead to the ground, she approaches the struggling Snow.

“You bastards! Have you gone mad?! To think you’d let your greedy intentions to steal my glory lead you to such low ends! Have you no shame?!”

“I—I don’t know why, but that really hurts coming from Snow…”

As Grimm lightly presses her hand to her chest, I step in to read out the charges.

“Hey, Snow. You’ve really done it this time.”

“Eh? What are you talking about? I’ve done nothing… Oh! Y-you bastard…!” Snow suddenly has a look of regret on her face, evidently finally realizing what she’s done. “So you intend to bring up the hostess club scam, huh? Ah, I get it now; you’ll keep quiet about the scam if I split the reward for my achievements in this battle. That’s the deal, is it? Very well. Now, as for our individual shares…”

“No, that has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m talking about… You seem a little too quick to bring up hush money. Do you have a lot of experience with this or something?”

Snow goes briefly silent at my words. “…If this isn’t about hush money, then what’s the big idea?”

“You ordered the knights to go hunting for a cat doll even when Alice told you to focus on maintaining order, didn’t you? The knights mistook Tiger Man for the cat doll and got wiped out. That’s caused all sorts of problems that we’re dealing with now—the city’s in chaos, and we’ve completely lost track of the cat doll.”

……

“You’ve got it all wrong; just listen to me.”

“All right, I’ll let you tell your side later. In a nice, comfy dungeon cell. Okay?”

The restrained Snow starts struggling. “I had no choice! I can’t lose Her Highness’s trust! I was under investigation until recently! Which means the only option I had left was to restore my reputation by producing results!”

Welp, she’s finally just decided to own up to it.

“You’re barely average as a field commander. We don’t need you trying to do more than you’re told! Thanks to you, we had to take care of the dolls and zombies in the city on our own. Hey, have you been here the whole time? You sure you haven’t let a doll past?”

“I guarded the gate properly, so there’s no problem at all. This main gate’s currently the only way into the castle, after all. I’ve been standing here the whole time, so it’s fine.”

At Snow’s words, Grimm and I let out sighs of relief.

It seems we’ve avoided the worst-case scenario of Gadalkand getting into the castle.

Which means all we have to do is tighten our defense of the entrance and exit points and wait for our Combat Agents to hunt down the stuffed animal.

…Snow seems to have decided that struggling is useless and instead addresses me in a conciliatory voice.

“Six, why don’t we cut a deal? I was only told a cat-shaped stuffed animal lost control and started going on a rampage in the city. Could this be the Demon Lord’s Army’s fault?”

…Huh, she’s pretty sharp considering she doesn’t know any of the details.

Thinking back on it, she also correctly figured out I was a spy even though she hadn’t known me very long.

I keep thinking of her as just a gold digger, but I suppose there’s more to her than…

“Yes, this must be the Demon Lord Army’s fault. Indeed, there’s nothing else it could be. Surely, Heine of the Flames, who fell victim to monsters in the wastes, has used the Undead Festival to return and get her revenge. It’s perfectly plausible that one of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four knows how to control the dead. In which case, this entire string of events is sabotage activity by the Demon Lord’s Army… That would about cover it, no? If you’ll accept, I’ll give you one of the beautiful swords from my collection. Not a bad deal, is it?”

I feel like she owes me an apology for the fact I felt even the faintest glimmer of admiration.

Just then…

…a bell tolls from inside the castle.

At the same time, I also hear objects colliding somewhere near the courtyard.

“…So much for ‘none shall pass,’ huh?”

“What’s with that look? Believe me! It’s true—I swear! I’ve been here the whole time, and there shouldn’t be any other ways inside!”

Feeling my scrutiny, Snow desperately tries to explain.

Grimm looks at Snow, tilting her head a moment. “But this is the alarm that sounds when an unholy presence like a demon or the undead gets into the castle… Wait, don’t look at me like that! I’m not an unholy presence! I’m not fully undead yet!”

…Which means the one causing the commotion must be…

7

Opening the main gate and looking inside, there are two stuffed animals duking it out.

“Hey.”

“N-n-no, I was keeping a proper watch!” Snow protests. “They must have gotten in from somewhere else! …But this castle’s surrounded by an outer wall; I wonder how they got in…”

That jogs my memory.

I drove stakes into the outer wall to sneak into Tillis’s room.

Oh yeah, I forgot to retrieve those.

“Tsk, how do you plan to fix this, Snow? You can’t keep the peace in the city with the knights; you let an intruder waltz into the castle…”

“Hold on, Grimm; leave it there. Now’s not the time to point out Snow’s failures. We should do something about those two stuffed animals going at it.” A reasonable point, if I do say so myself.

Grimm and Snow are instantly suspicious.

“Are you involved with this, too?”

“Explain this later, okay, Commander?”

“But I haven’t said anything yet.” I ignore the questioning gazes from the pair and take a closer look at the dolls.

The first is a cat-shaped stuffed animal holding a unique metal club. That one’s probably Gadalkand.

The problem is the other doll that’s facing him.

I could swear I’ve seen that dog-shaped doll before…

“Oh! Say, Commander, isn’t that Patrasche?!”

That’s right—that’s Patrasche!

For some reason, Patrasche is here. Maybe its owner, the old man, ordered Patrasche to save the city?

“Six, who is this Patrasche?”

“Patrasche is Patrasche—the Mounting Gorilla Patrasche, to be precise!”

“Wh-what was she thinking…?”

The stalemate between Patrasche and Gadalkand ends when Patraches notices us and aggressively charges in. Maybe it thinks it can leave things up to us if it loses.

A tackle aimed low takes out Gadalkand’s legs.

Patrasche then swiftly straddles the enemy, landing punches without any hesitation.

“Good work, Patrasche! Keep it up!”

“Try to get it into a hold! Then you can leave the rest to me!”

“Again, who the hell is Patrasche?”

As we cheer on from the sidelines, Patrasche casts a quick glance our way.

It seems like a glance for help, even…

Just then, Gadalkand lets go of his long club, instead punching at his assailant.

Gadalkand doesn’t seem to have suffered any damage from all the blows, and a realization hits me.

“Oh, duh, there’s no way punches would work. His body is just a stuffed animal!”

“Oh, right! Rose, we’re coming!”

We had decided to kick back and take it easy since it looked like Patrasche was winning, but we now hurry over to the dog doll.

“Rose?! Why are you bringing up her name all of a sudden?!”

Snow, who is the only one who doesn’t understand what’s going on, follows along as well.

<Graaaaaaaaah!>

“?!”

Patrasche takes a heavy kick to the stomach that launches it quite some distance.

“Hey, Rose, you don’t have to be Patrasche anymore! If it hurts, you can say so!”

“Th-that hurts…! He kicked me really hard; just what is that thing?”

Patrasche, aka Rose, holds her stomach while getting to her feet.

Snow sees her moment and steps in.

“I have no idea why Rose is here dressed like that, but if the enemy’s a flammable stuffed animal, it’s time for me to offer my assistance.”

Snow’s guard comes all the way down, now assuming the enemy is a mere stuffed animal.

Dropping into a fighting stance as flames burst forth from Flame Whatever, Snow cries out with all the bravado of a real hero, “I have no idea who or what you are, but you’ll have plenty of time to regret crossing my path in the afterlife!”

“That’s Gadalkand in there. The elite demon Gadalkand. The one Rose and Grimm fought before. He’s back from the afterlife.”

Snow freezes without a word.

<Ga-ha-ha, ba-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yo, long time no see, you maggots. Glad to see so many familiar faces!>

Picking up the club from the ground, Gadalkand starts talking to us with his annoying telepathy.

Finally figuring out the identity of her opponent, Snow breaks out in a cold sweat and starts backing away.

Meanwhile, I take a step out in front of the others as they stand on guard. “Hey, hey, hey, that’s quite the makeover you’ve gotten, Gadalk-whatever! I think this is a big improvement from before! I bet your old form had women running away screaming! At least now they might talk to you!”

Gadalkand twitches when he hears my taunts.

I know his type.

Cocky, arrogant, short-tempered, and violent.

It’s a classic thug personality that’s pretty common among Kisaragi’s ranks.

<…And whose fault is it that I look like this, huh? I’ve been waiting. It’s been a long, long wait! I spent each and every moment thinking of how I’d get my revenge on you—on all of you! If not for the Undead Festival, I might have lost my identity. But I’m lucky. I got back to the world of the living through the festival, and I’ve acquired this body and new powers…>

“You’re pretty chatty, aren’t you? You used to be a bit more of the type who wouldn’t listen to what others had to say.”

Gadalkand goes silent at my additional teasing. The club in his hand is quivering now; I’m guessing he’s trying to rein in his anger and regain his calm.

<…Heh. Heh-heh. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, is this how you’re trying to buy time? You think there’s help on the way? Is that the plan?>

Whoa, he’s suddenly gotten really cocky.

“Okay, you’re clearly plotting something. I’ll bet it’s one of two clichés. Either you’ve got an ace up your sleeve, like reinforcements on the way, or you’re not at full power yet and you have another transformation in the pocket. So which is it? I’m sure one of those is right. If not, then I can at least give you credit for originality.”

Looks like I struck a nerve, and Gadalkand stops moving for a moment.

<…I’ll wipe that smirk off your face soon enough.>

“Hey, look—I got it right! He’s panicking! Well, damn, it’s just another cliché. How disappointing. You’re such a letdown!”

He’s not the sort that’s good at resisting taunts.

As I wind him up, Gadalkand starts losing his cool, just as I’d hoped.

“You know, Commander, I’m not sure taunting him too much is a good idea… Still, rest assured. I’m an undead specialist. If he tries to summon more undead, I’ll stop him this time.”

“All right, I’ll leave that to you. So all I gotta do is put down this weakling.”

Inspired by Grimm, Rose and Snow also take a step forward.

“Boss, leave brawling to me. I can’t breathe any fire since I’m wearing a costume, but I can at least block attacks!”

“I’ll keep an eye on the overall situation and stand ready to order a retreat at any moment.”

It appears a certain someone has lost their nerve. Oh well.

Losing patience, Gadalkand begins moving his club from side to side.

<No matter how many weaklings you have, you’re all still just weaklings. Now I see that you’ve got the weak Chimera brat who tried to fight me; the knight who ran away, knowing she couldn’t beat me; and the undead bitch I’ve already killed once.>

“Hmm, yeah, guess you’re right. And you were the one who got slaughtered by me, the one commanding these weaklings. They’re all somewhat capable of holding their own against me. Unlike you. You went down without much of a fight at all… Huh! Guess that makes you the weakest of the bunch, huh? You’re even weaker than my underlings!”

Seemingly near his limit, Gadalkand moves into a fighting stance.

“Oh, gonna come at me? There’s four of us and only one of you. Not to mention you’re a stuffed animal, while we have Snow’s magic sword. Plus, we’re just here to buy time, with the folks who heard Alice’s announcement coming to reinforce us. If you’re fine with all that, come on and try it. You sure you don’t want to run away? Huh? Huh?”

As I continue taunting him, Snow mutters from behind me, “I really am impressed by your ability to taunt people. There are even times I feel sorry for your victims…”

It’s not like I’m taunting him for the hell of it.

Sure, there’s a good part of me that’s doing it because it’s fun, but the objective is to make Gadalkand lose his head.

What we can’t afford right now is for him to abandon the doll and run.

If he returns to being a spirit and gets another body, we won’t be able to tell who he is with a glance. We need to capture him somehow and conduct the exorcism while he’s still trapped in the cat doll…

<Should be about time.>

Gadalkand starts muttering to himself.

But before I can ask For what? I hear the sound of a breaking window, and a scream comes from somewhere in the castle.

His objective is to retrieve his severed head.

Which means this scream is—

“Look, Six! That’s not an undead; it’s a demon! It’s one of his lackeys!”

It’s one of the demons that was flying around last time I fought Gadalkand.

Demonic statues that walk on two feet and have giant bat-like wings—commonly known as gargoyles. One of them is hovering above us, cradling something.

Seeing that, Gadalkand starts running in that direction, immediately losing interest in everything else.

As Gadalkand shows his back, Snow slashes at him without any hesitation.

“G-grrr, I won’t let you do this, you walking payday! It’s time for a rematch! Take this!”

As usual, I’m impressed by her skill in sneak attacks. The fact that she waits to deliver her line after her attack is worth a lot of praise.

<Set the head down! It doesn’t matter where! As long as it’s touching the ground!>

“Damn you! Look at me, Gadalkand!”

Snow drives her flaming blade into the doll’s stomach, but Gadalkand pays no attention to it, reaching his hand out toward the ground.

<Gadalkand of the Earth, pillar of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, commands you maggots!>

“I, Lord Zenarith’s archbishop, Grimm Grimoire command you.”

Gadalkand briefly casts a baleful glance at Grimm.

<Rise, damn you!>

“Return to your slumber!”

The two shout at the same time, and nothing happens.

“Lord Gadalkand, I’ll set your head down here!”

The gargoyle lackey tries to set down the object in its arms.

I draw my gun from my hip and fire at the gargoyle. The gargoyle takes the shot right between the eyes, and it, along with the head, plummets to the ground.

Just before the head hits the ground…

“Yaaa!”

…Rose lands a jump kick on it.

Engulfed in flames, Gadalkand stands there staring mutely, then slumps his shoulders.

Thanks to Rose’s jump kick, the head slams into the castle wall.

Perhaps because it spent so much time in the shrine, it was more fragile than we thought and—

<Sigh, dammit. My head’s been shattered.>

Gadalkand mutters offhandedly.

Without letting down my guard, I call out to our dejected foe.

“Thought you only had undead lackeys, but I see you had some living ones hidden away, too.”

<Hmph, yeah, that’s because the alarm rings the moment the undead enter key areas of the castle. The bell rang when I walked into the castle.>

The doll Gadalkand’s possessing has become an inferno, making him look like a human-shaped fire spirit.

<Didn’t you think it was odd? Where do you think I got the weapon I’m carrying?>

“Now that you mention it, that’s a good point. At any rate, right now you look like a fire demon. It’s kind of cool-looking,” I comment, and Gadalkand turns to me.

I can’t see his expression due to the flames, but it seems he’s caught on to my intent.

<You buttering me up so we’ll just end things here and now? I know what goes through the minds of clever little bastards like you. After all, I’m the same way.>

Seems he’s not going to just let it end here.

“No, he’s definitely right! You’re really cool-looking right now! The very image of a fire demon! You should become the flame lord of the Demon Lord’s Army!” Rose exclaims, pumping her fist. Evidently, it actually struck a chord with her. I really don’t understand a Chimera’s tastes.

“Well, seems we’re short on time—you ready?”

<No, I’m gonna dump this body. It’s true we’re short on time, but elite demons can do things like this.>

The soil swells and starts forming into a person.

It looks just like the temporary vessels that Grimm used to trap those evil spirits, but those dirt dolls couldn’t stay possessed for long and exploded pretty quickly. That’s probably what he means when he says we’re short on time.

<If there were any parts of my body left, I would have been able to swap out a dirt doll for one of those corpses and recover slowly… Oh well, even with a body like this, it’s enough to drag you to hell with me.>

Even if it’s made of dirt, the body is pretty much a golem.

Now that he’s regained his size from when he was alive, a single blow from Gadalkand could probably break my neck.

“I don’t have my main weapon today, so can I get their help as a handicap?”

<No problem. I wasn’t planning to let any of you go anyway.>

Just what I’d expect from a guy in the same industry, I’ll give him that much; he’s a proper evil boss.

“All right, so let’s do introductions… Combat Agent Six, Kisaragi Corporation.”

<Gadalkand of the Earth, pillar of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four! All four of you are coming with me down to the pits of hell!>

I can sense that the others behind me have dropped into fighting stances.

Since I don’t have my R-Buzzsaw, I’m definitely at a disadvantage.

But this is the perfect opportunity for the power of friendship to—

“What are you guys doing?”

Suddenly, I hear the familiar voice of my partner.

If she’s here, that must mean she’s brought it.

I keep my eyes fixed on Gadalkand, but instead of reaching for the unknown entity that is the power of friendship, I reach for my trusty partner.

“Alice, this is what became of Gadalkand! He blames us for his death and came back to get his revenge! You’ve brought it, right?! Gimme my R-Buzzsaw!”

<Y-you! You bastard, what happened to a handicap?! And what about everything you were saying earlier…?!>

Sure, I could do the honorable thing and face Gadalkand as a true elite member of the Kisaragi Corporation, but honor ain’t worth shit if you’re dead.

“Oh, shut up, you moron! We’re the evil Kisaragi Corporation! All that sappy crap was just an act to buy some time, obviously!”

<Y-you bastard—you’re dead!>

“““Wai…!”””

Just as everyone but Alice was about to comment on our sudden squabble…

“This world ain’t big enough for two evil organizations! Time to slaughter the competition—!”

<You son of a biiiiitch!>

The battle was already over.

8

Despite being hacked to pieces, Gadalkand has somehow managed to keep the dirt body together and is glaring at me.

<Don’t think this is over. Ordinarily, our fight would have been the end, but with this much rage, I can sustain myself until next year’s festival. You better remember this. Next time—>

“There won’t be a next time.” Grimm flatly interrupts Gadalkand’s last words.

<…Stay out of this, Zenarith cultist. You’re not quite human anymore, are you? What are you planning?>

“Undeath is Lord Zenarith’s specialty. There’s only one thing to do here!” Grimm smiles gently at what’s left of Gadalkand.

<Are you sure you understand the risks of dealing with Zenarith? I wouldn’t curse me, if I were you. Zenarith is fair. The larger the curse you try to put on someone without reason, the greater the chance it has to backfire on you. If you curse me, you’re more likely to die than I am.>

“Yes, Lord Zenarith is fair. You’ve killed me once, remember? No doubt the judgment will be fair.”

What’s left of Gadalkand goes quiet at Grimm’s words.

“…Rest assured. As Archbishop of Zenarith, returning undead to the earth is part of my role. I won’t use a curse.”

Grimm smiles quietly, stepping toward Gadalkand.

<I’m fueled by a great sense of rage. I won’t be so easily cleansed.>

As we stand on the sidelines, unable to comment, the two undead trade warning shots.

“I’ll say this again: I’m the Archbishop of Zenarith. No matter how favored one may be by the Goddess of Undeath, Zenarith, I can remove the blessing from them.”

<Yeah…? If you’re that sure, give it a try. If it works, I’ll calmly head to my rest.>

Grimm smiles gently to Gadalkand at those words.

“If you’re reborn, come back as a human next time. If you’re a handsome man, I’ll go on a date with you.”

<You’re too thin for my tastes. Not enough muscle to satisfy me. I’ll come back as an ogre next time as well.>

At his sarcastic words, Grimm’s face has a slightly exasperated grin.

“O Great Goddess, Zenarith. I, Grimm Grimoire, your loyal servant, hereby beseech thee. Strip any blessing of undeath upon this place and return them to their eternal rest.”

Clasping her hands together in prayer in the very image of a holy woman, Grimm closes her eyes, and her prayer…

…returned two undead to the soil that day.