CHAPTER 1

Vs. the Forest King

1

My scream echoes through the park-turned-campsite.

“Goddammitttttt! What the hell is with this planet?! I’ve had it! I’m going back to Earth!”

It’s been a week since the Undead Festival ended and our newly completed hideout exploded in front of our eyes.

This latest setback has put our morale at an all-time low. After all, we’ve pulled out all the stops for our latest effort—even dragging out the Destroyer—yet this is what we have to show for it.

Sitting on the grass and polishing her shotgun with the occasional squeak, Alice opens her mouth to speak.

“An exploding hideout or two is to be expected…but still, this is getting old. We don’t even know what caused the blast. We cleared out the area around the base with the Destroyer and burned a decent chunk of the forest for good measure. Just about all we can do is build another base to catch the attacker in the act…”

“Like hell we’re doing anything that convoluted! Remember, they won’t even send reinforcements until the base is ready. And to think, if we had a Supreme Leader with us, we’d be able to finish off this war with Toris and even do something about our competition and those damned woods…”

The Undead Festival has left its mark on our unit.

For starters, Snow’s been focusing on her work as a knight, trying to recover the trust and, more importantly, the pay she lost with her screwups during the Undead Festival.

As I fix my gaze on her bloodshot eyes, showing how hungry and desperate she is for status, I don’t see a trace of the proud woman I first met so long ago.

Next, there’s Rose. She hasn’t been back ever since announcing she’d be spending the rest of her days as Patrasche.

Looks like she’s been totally domesticated by a daily routine of eating her fill and being coddled by some old geezer.

Apparently, the only reason she conveniently showed up in the castle courtyard to face off with Gadalkand was because she was there to submit her resignation letter.

I snatched the letter, obviously.

I figured her cover would be blown after the Undead Festival ended and she’d be forced to come back, but I guess I underestimated her dedication.

And finally—

“Hey, Commander, I’m not sure what’s got you upset, but I’m sure a full stomach will help. Look! I’ve got a bento box here that I started prepping before the day even started! I heard you’ve been living in the park lately, but a bento lunch on the grass should put a positive spin on the situation.”

Grimm then happily opens up a bento box, skewering a piece of karaage fried chicken with a fork and offering it in my direction.

“Say ah.”

Grimm smiles beatifically, despite the bright morning sun she usually withers under.

“…Ah.”

I play along and open wide, at which point Grimm pops the piece into her own mouth instead.

“Juuuust kidding. Tee-hee, don’t mind me, Commander. It’s just a little teasing from your cute subordinate. But if you insist, this time, I’ll…”

This seems to amuse her, and Grimm giggles softly while reaching to skewer another piece of chicken…

At the same time, I grab a fork of my own and stab the piece in front of me.

“Oh! No, no, Commander! Let me feed it to you! …O-oh? Did you want to feed it to me?”

As I wordlessly move the piece of karaage toward her, Grimm, with her cheeks flushing, slightly glances off to the side and opens her mouth.

“Ah— F-fwait, fwannder! That’s too much! Wait! Did I annoy you?! You’re going to get me all greasy! Stop!”

I reduce Grimm to tears by force-feeding her karaage without a word. I then confiscate the bento box, munching on what’s left while wallowing in despair.

Our assignment is to build a hideout and begin settlement plans.

If we can’t find a way to accomplish it, we’ll be stuck on this miserable rock for the foreseeable future—

“Screw it, let’s call them over anyway.”

Ignoring the sobbing Grimm, I realize the obvious as I scarf down the food.

We were told to call over a Supreme Leader after the hideout was completed. They never said anything about the hideout needing to still be there. We did actually finish the thing. It’s not our fault it blew up almost immediately afterward.

“I spent all night making that lunch! At least pretend you’re enjoying it! Or at the very least, stop eating it in silence! One word of praise…that’s all I ask…”

Just like that, we’re technically finished with our hideout-construction mission.

Sure, it exploded after completion, returning to dust.

I suppose it’s a technicality verging on fraud, but as a proper evil minion, this is the sort of thing we’re supposed to take pride in, right?

“And another thing, what happened to the necklace or ring you promised to buy me?! I’m not saying this because I want the physical object, mind you. I just want…well, a token of your…love and affection…!”

I finish off the last of the food.

“Yo, Alice, I figured out what we’re gonna do next! Technically, we already finished building our hideout. Let’s just go ahead and call over one of the Supreme Leaders tomorrow. Then if they ask us where the hideout is, we’ll flat-out tell ’em it blew up. Once we get them over here, they’ll be stuck for a while. So while we’ve got ’em, we can get ’em to help us solve our pesky exploding-hideout problem.”

“…That’s all well and good, but everything depends on who we call over. For example, this sort of stunt’s not going to fly with Lady Astaroth.”

“You bastard, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying! Hrmph! Yes, clearly, it’s my fault for bothering with a bento in the first place!”

Alice looks at me skeptically, but I already know who we’re calling over.

“…What’s going on, Grimm? You look like you’re about to cry. Oh, the bento was delicious, by the way. Thanks a bunch.”

After spending the past few moments yammering on about something, Grimm looks over at me. It seems like she has something she wants to say, but she only manages to mumble a few words.

“That’s not fair, Commander…”

What’s her problem?

2

The next day.

“Please send Lady Lilith.”

“Whaaa—?! M-me?!”

As we request reinforcements from Kisaragi headquarters, Lilith’s shock echoes from beyond the communications monitor.

Yes, the one I want is Lilith the Black.

The mad scientist who sent me to this planet without any preliminary testing whatsoever.

“Why would you be so surprised, ma’am? You’re a scientist, and considering we’re on a largely unexplored planet, I figured that’d make you the best candidate.”

“Well, sure, I’m the obvious pick if you put it that way! I’m definitely the most logical choice, but still!”

Ordinarily, Lilith is one of those shady characters who could fill a person with dread with a smile alone, but something’s off about her today.

“Oh, I wanted to ask. Is something wrong with Lady Astaroth? Things seem a little hectic over there.”

“This is all your fault! W-wait, Astaroth! Calm down!”

On the other side of the monitor, a teary-eyed Astaroth grabs Lilith by the shoulders and shakes her back and forth.

Lilith eventually regains her composure and looks up at me through the monitor.

“Six, are you sure I’m the right choice? When it comes to combat, both Astaroth and Belial are stronger than me, and…”

Pulling a stunt this close to a scam on someone as serious as Astaroth would easily land me a one-way ticket to hell. On the other hand, Belial is actually such a sweetheart deep down that I can’t bring myself to scam her.

“Well, even Combat Agents like us can go toe-to-toe with the enemy leadership, meaning any of our Supreme Leaders can handle them with ease. We’re counting on you, Lady Lilith.”

Hearing that, Lilith’s expression lights up, and she scratches at the back of her head a bit shyly.

“Well, if you put it that way, Six, I guess I have no choice! Sorry, Belial, Astaroth. You know Six and I are gaming buddies, so that’s probably the reason. Mm-hmm. I’m not gloating, honest. I’ll bring you two back some really great souvenirs!”

“Say, Six, are you sure you want Lilith? Also, about eighty percent of your letters make no sense; could you clarify…?”

“Six! How ya doin’? We’ve got some new recruits lately! They go on about weird things like Chosen Ones and Demon Lords—bet you’d get along with them! I’ll introduce you when you get back!”

As the three of them crowd the monitor, I can’t help but curl my lips into a forced smile at the familiarity of it all.

“I’m glad you all seem to be doing well. For now, this is the Kisaragi Corporation Grace Kingdom branch, eagerly awaiting Lady Lilith’s arrival—signing off!”

I straighten my posture and snap off a salute to the monitor.

Ten minutes later.

A voice verging on a scream rings out through the park that’s housing our temporary hideout.

“What do you mean, there’s no hideout?! Could you run that by me again?!”

The voice belongs to a beautiful girl dressed in a lab coat, her black hair in a bob.

It’s the Kisaragi Corporation’s antisocial princess, who we were chatting with over the monitor just a few minutes ago.

“We’re not exactly living in luxury here, either. I mean, we finished construction on the hideout and ended up back in our tents a day later. Can you get HQ to send us some mobile trailers, at least?”

“Waaaait a minute, tents?! I’m a Supreme Leader! The Kisaragi Corporation controls the majority of Earth, and I’m one of its head honchos! Me, one of the greatest inventors of the age! You expect me to live in a tent?!”

It would have been one thing when Kisaragi was still a poor, little evil start-up. Given that she now lives in a mansion with a swimming pool in the middle of the city, though, Lilith’s a little too pampered to accept tent life.

“Tents aren’t the worst part of it. Our living conditions here are practically medieval. Like, get this: Some idiot sold off all our toilet paper because it’s apparently really valuable here.”

The idiot in question is Snow, who’s been living in our camp ever since she got evicted for not paying her rent.

“Wha…? Seriously…?! Then what’s the toilet situation here? Are there no bidets?!”

“Latrines are more or less standard, but depending on the circumstances, we just dig a hole and bury our business.”

Still, Lilith’s a battle-hardened Supreme Leader of an evil organization.

Just because she’s sampled the sweet taste of luxury doesn’t mean she’s against some rough living here and there…

“NOOOOOOOO! I’m leaving! I’m going back to Earth! No hideout…that means no AC, right?! No PCs and no video games, no TV, and no Internet?! I’ll miss the Sunday episode of Magical Girl Puikyua!”

“We don’t get broadcasts, so having a TV wouldn’t have helped anyway. Could you maybe make do with the fact that we’ve got real, live Magical Girls here? As for going home, well, without a hideout, there’s also no way to use a teleporter to get back to Earth.”

The color drains from Lilith, and she freezes.

Wait, I thought she came here as backup. She’s acting like she’s here on vacation.

“Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, you bastard! I should’ve known something was up when you specifically asked for me! What a letdown! This is a scam! A SCAM, I TELL YOU!”

…So that’s how it’s gonna be? Whiny little brat.

“Oh, so you’re the victim now, eh, tomboy? If we’re talking about scamming, you’re the one who started this damned cycle! I haven’t forgotten that you zapped me over here without any explanation or so much as a safety test! Oh, right, you were supposed to let me grope you as compensation!”

“Wha…?! W-wait just a minute there, Six. My theories made it clear the teleporter was safe…! And I don’t remember promising you that! And I apologized! I already apologized!”

Seeing my sudden anger, Lilith cuts short her whining, backing away from me.

“And then there’s all those fake promises you made to encourage me, like stuff about a planet where everyone loves me without question, a planet where the beauty standards make me a stud, or a planet where I’m the only man! And then of course you just neglected to mention that it’d take a month to assemble the teleporter and stabilize the connection!”

“Wh-what? I didn’t say anything like that! That wasn’t my pitch! …W-wait…assembling the teleporter and stabilizing the connection…takes a month…?”

The color further drains from Lilith’s face, going from blue to paper-white.

Seems she’s finally realized her situation.

“That’s right. We have to assemble one from scratch, so it’ll take at least a month for you to be able to teleport. Therefore, Lady Lilith, no matter how much you cry, no matter how big a tantrum you throw, you still won’t be home any earlier than a month from now.”

“IDONWANNAAAAAAA!! DONWANNNNAAAAAAAA!!”

“H-hey, you’re still one of Kisaragi’s Supreme Leaders! Please don’t pitch a fit out in public. It’s embarrassing! I mean, people are starting to stare.”

Passersby are starting to glance over at Lilith from off in the distance as she leans against both my arms and sobs hysterically.

Why is it she’s so useful when it comes to brainy things but so useless in everyday life?

I’m glad we sent Grimm home before calling in reinforcements.

I can’t very well expose a subordinate to one of my bosses throwing a tantrum.

“Now please calm down and send in a request for some trailers. Hell, even basic amenities would be fine now. No doubt you’d like to avoid the tent life, too, right, Lady Lilith?”

“Obviously, I don’t wanna live in a tent, but… Six, I won’t forget that you lied to me. You’re getting court-martialed the moment I get back to Earth.”

Lilith stands, taking her device in hand with a sour expression.

“If it comes to that, I’ll be sure to take you down with me. Betcha didn’t know I’m aware of all the stuff you bought with the money you claimed was for ‘research and development.’”

“Six, let’s make sure our trailer home is top-of-the-line. And let’s get you guys some luxuries. We’ll say it’s for all the hard work the Combat Agents have put in. How about some top-shelf champagne, huh? Huh?”

“Now that’s the sort of quick decision-making we admire you for, Lady Lilith! We Combat Agents will follow you to the ends of this planet!”

As I rub my hands together, Lilith sends her order through her device with a faintly satisfied expression.

“Now, now, Six, flattery will only get you some high-priced champagne and snacks. Heh-heh, just make sure you give me all tens on the next internal survey.”

The survey is basically a popularity contest within Kisaragi.

It’s published each month in the company newsletter and has a ranking of the most admired mutants and Supreme Leaders.

It’s supposed to provide encouragement to the ranks, but at the moment, it’s just a way for the high-ranked mutants and Supreme Leaders to gain favor in their struggle for dominance.

“Leave it to me. You’ll be my pick for Ideal Boss, Most Admired Agent, and Top BILF.”

“This is the first I’m hearing of that third category… I’m guessing the B in BILF stands for boss? Who the hell came up with that anyway? You don’t need to vote for me for that one… Hmm. Instead of a trailer and champagne, they just sent a piece of paper.”

A single sheet of paper arrives in front of Lilith and flutters to the ground.

I lean over to pick it up and read its contents.

“Let’s see. ‘Trailers are too big to fit into the teleporter, so we can’t send them. As for the luxury items expensed to the company, we’ve been instructed by Lady Astaroth to simply say ‘piss off’’…Lady Lilith, are you sure you’re actually one of the Supreme Leaders?”

“Whhhhhyyyyy?! They were able to disassemble the Destroyer and send it in piece by piece! And don’t you think ‘piss off’ is a little too mean? Geez!” Lilith grabs the paper from my hands, confirming the message before lashing out at me.

“Perhaps it means they consider a trailer nonessential equipment, so it’s not worth the time to disassemble like the Destroyer?”

“…B-but I’m one of the Supreme Leaders… I’m still one of the top Supreme Leaders…”

Lilith falls silent in shock, and Alice arrives as I’m trying to cheer her up.

“Yo, Six, how’d it go? We get the things we wanted from Lady Lilith?”

“Oh, hey, Alice. Nope, didn’t work, just like you said. Seems Lady Lilith is a lot more useless than I thought.”

“Wha—?!”

After hearing my exchange with Alice, Lilith comes out of her trance and sharply glances up.

“Told ya. Lady Lilith’s an idiot savant. Unlike the other two Supreme Leaders, I figured most of her requests would get denied.”

“Seriously? Didn’t know they thought so little of her. What a disappointment! To think I admired her…”

“Hold on just a minute, you two! You’re still talking about your superior here!”

Well, I guess, but c’mon.

“Sorry! But I’m an evil minion, after all!”

“Sorry! But I’m an evil android, after all!”

“I know I’m the one who built you that way, but you’re REALLY annoying when you say that just like Six!”

Lilith speaks through gritted teeth as the two of us straighten and snap off a salute.

“That’s because you used Six’s samples for my personality matrix. I’ve always wanted to chew out Lady Lilith for that!”

Wait…what?

“Whoa, wait, what the hell? That’s news to me. When did you take a sample of my brain?”

“Don’t be stupid—well, stupider than usual. We wouldn’t take samples from your broken brain. That would’ve just made me an empty-headed moron. But I was constructed to be your support android, which means my personality was designed specifically to match yours by analyzing your actions and personality patterns.”

Uh-huh, right. I still don’t get it.

“So basically, that means you’re tailored to coddle me?”

“Your guess isn’t even in the same neighborhood, but let’s just go with that. To put it in a way you understand, though, my bad attitude is modeled on yours.”

Oh, c’mon…

“Lady Lilith, my attitude’s not nearly as bad as Alice’s, is it? I’m actually kind of hurt to be told I’m similar to this dry, cynical, and merciless hunk of metal!”

“Yeah? That’s my line! Time for a change of sample! Gimme a new one!”

“The more you two talk, the more you sound like a pair of siblings. But you know…”

Seems Lilith’s regained her calm as she takes a fresh assessment of her surroundings.

“So this is the alien planet. All those reports you two sent definitely piqued my curiosity. I admit I’m having trouble containing my excitement in spite of myself.”

Lilith takes several deep breaths, as though confirming the oxygen levels, and looks around with shimmering eyes.

“It’s a little hard buying your whole scientist shtick after watching you bawl like a toddler just minutes ago.”

“Q-quiet, Six! This is supposed to be a memorable moment—don’t ruin it with your commentary!”

Lilith gazes up at the sky, her cheeks faintly flushed, and begins a long monologue.

“Do you understand how many generations of humanity have gazed up at the stars, dreaming of setting foot on distant new worlds? Have you ever imagined O-Parts so far beyond human technology that they’re like magic? Did you cower as a child imagining invasions by people from deep underground, from the sea, or even Mars?”

“Hey, Alice, check this out. You can’t flood anthills on this planet. Watch… When you pour water down them like this, they’ll block it with a leaf and start bailing the water out.”

“Pretty damn impressive for ants. Here, if you survive my pebble attacks, I’ll reward you all with sugar cubes.”

As Lilith rambles on, Alice and I turn our attention to poking an anthill. Lilith quickly joins us, squatting down nearby.

“Fascinating…they’ve got a room filled with leaves to use as a barricade in emergencies. Alice, pebble attacks will just force them to hole up in their nest, leaving us without options. We should capture one for observation and figure out their habits.”

“Understood. Let’s grab this one; it looks like the strongest.”

Anyone else would probably be angry that we’d stopped listening to them, but Lilith’s endless curiosity means she’s easily distracted by something novel.

That day, after trying to engage in a long, philosophical discussion, Lilith instead acquired three notebooks full of information about attacking anthills, played some cards in a tent, had some of Russell’s curry, then happily went to bed.

3

“…What am I doing? At this rate, I’m as big a moron as Six!”

The next morning.

Waking from her slumber, Lilith lets out a shrill screech, storming out of her tent and directing her renewed ire at me.

“Six! Just what are you wasting my humanity-leading intellectual powers on?!”

“Wasn’t it fun attacking that anthill? I mean, I sure didn’t expect them to stage a counterattack to free our captive. I take my hat off to ’em.”

“So true. And to top it off, the moment they realized they couldn’t win, they started offering pebbles of an unknown alloy as though trying to pay a ransom for the hostage… No, no, no! I’ll admit the anthill attack was fun, but I’m here as a reinforcement!”

Lilith shakes her head, as though remembering what she came to do, and raises her voice.

“You’ve been a serious help. If it was just Alice and me, they would’ve holed up in their hill, and…”

“Forget about those ants! First, we get a hideout! Then, we destroy our competition! I mean, without a base of operations, I’ll never get home!”

Lilith then glowers at the tents.

“Me, a top Supreme Leader of the great Kisaragi Corporation, reduced to living in a tent! Six! Do you call this an acceptable state of affairs?”

“I dunno; last night, you seemed pretty happy playing cards with us in the tent. You also seemed to be a pretty big fan of the curry.”

“That’s beside the point! …Oh, speaking of which, let’s have a chat with the pretty Chimera who made the curry I had last night. She’s currently investigating her past, right? And I remember reading that you recruited her as a Combat Agent in training.”

The pretty Chimera who made the curry? Oh, she must mean Russell.

The Chimera who’s looking into her past and was recruited to be a Combat Agent in training is Rose, but if she wants to chat with a Chimera, I guess I’ll go get Russell.

“What now, Six? I’m kind of busy with everyone’s laundry.”

“Yo, this lady wishes to speak to you. I wasn’t able to introduce you last night, but this is Lady Lilith the Black, one of Kisaragi’s top Supreme Leaders.”

Hearing her introduced as a top Supreme Leader, Russell twitches and shudders.

“Hello there, pretty Chimera. I see—a little horn, a tail, and mismatched eyes, just as the reports said.”

“U-um…h-hello…”

Russell is already on the back foot, evidently because he’s already well aware of the strength and abnormality of Kisaragi operatives.

As for Lilith, she’s examining Russell as though she’s studying a particularly interesting specimen.

“No need to be so tense. So I hear you’re interested in learning more about your past?”

“…? U-um, no, I’m not particularly hung up about the past…”

Russell looks nonplussed at Lilith’s remark, but she continues:

“Strange, that’s what the reports said. How odd. Anyway, on to the next question… How are you holding up? Do you think you’ll settle into our organization? Six and the others haven’t done anything weird to you, have they?”

Lilith smiles over at the slightly anxious Russell to put him at ease, speaking to him in a gentle tone.

“Weird? I’m not sure, really… Well, I’d like them to stop hiking up my skirt for a peek while I’m working because it’s really distracting, but otherwise…”

“Hey, Six? I know we promote acts of villainy, but to sexually harass someone so young…”

Yep, now she’s looking at me like I’m worth less than garbage.

“Well, we don’t get any Evil Points for peeking, so I doubt Russell minds all that much.”

“Really?! B-but…that’s ridiculous…”

As Lilith’s gaze shifts from disgust to incredulity…

“So long as they don’t interrupt my work, I really don’t mind having my skirt hiked up. I mean, sure, I do think it’s pretty stupid, but whatever.”

“You need to value yourself more, pretty Chimera! Is it that you lack a sense of shame because you’re a Chimera?! Six, she’s too naive—I’m going to put her under my protection!”

Seems like she’s operating under a massive misunderstanding.

“Lady Lilith, Russell’s a guy.”

“Just what the heck are you on?!”

Lilith shoots a look at me with a deadly serious expression.

“Six is right. I’m a guy.”

“And what are you going on about, too?”

Since Lilith won’t take our word for it, I decide to show her his indisputable evidence.

“…Hey, Six, can we wrap this up? I’m getting embarrassed.”

“But she’ll keep treating me like some pervert otherwise!”

Faced with the hard evidence that Russell is a guy, Lilith slumps to the ground in confusion.

“Is that unique to Chimeras? Are Chimeras intersex? No, no, the reports clearly said the Chimera in Six’s group was a girl, so what could have happened in this short time frame? Oh, I get it. She’s still a girl at heart. Of course, Kisaragi’s a tolerant organization, so employees are free to identify however they feel—”

“Actually, he’s dressed in girl’s clothes because Tiger Man likes it.”

“The world might consider me a genius, but I can’t make heads or tails of you lot!”

Lilith hops to her feet, sighing in consternation.

“How am I supposed to report this to the others back on Earth…? That prude Astaroth will have a stroke if she hears Six is hiking up the skirts of cross-dressing boys…”

“Oh yeah? I wonder how she’ll react to one of the Supreme Leaders staring at a cross-dressing boy’s dick.”

“Okay! Let’s just keep today’s events between us! If I recall correctly, your name’s Rose, right, Chimera? Rose, I’m going to give you a little bit of spending money, so forget what’s happened today.”

Lilith is so flustered that she hands over a wad of cash, completely forgetting that our currency has no value on this world.

“I’m not Rose. I’m Russell.”

“Really? REALLY?! What are you trying to get out of teasing me?!”

A short while later, Russell returns to his laundry, and Lilith starts recovering her composure.

“Lady Lilith, would you please stop procrastinating and start getting some actual work done?”

“I wasn’t exactly trying to procrastinate! Oh, for the love of… Alice! Aliiiice! Come along, it’s time for work!”

Lilith calls over Alice, who has been standing off to the side, pretending to be a passerby.

“…I’m afraid I’m busy dropping sugar cubes into the anthill, so do you mind if I stay here?”

“Of course I mind! Alice, have you been hanging around Six so much that you’ve been infected with his rebelliousness?”

Since arriving on this planet, Lilith has been conspicuously short on patience, but she’s still technically one of Kisaragi’s top Supreme Leaders, so we need to get her to build the hideout.

“Well, why don’t we head out, Lady Lilith? Though elite agents like myself may be struggling with the construction, I’m sure it’ll be a snap for you.”

“I don’t know when you became an elite agent, but leave it to me. I’ll show you the true power of Kisaragi technology and a top Supreme Leader!”

4

With Lilith, a top Supreme Leader, on our side, we make our way to the woods.

“Well! Take a look at how clean the roads are, Six! Do you understand that even this little detail is a treasure trove of information?”

Or not.

“Based on the fact that the roads aren’t clogged with waste, we can tell the local residents are aware that excrement invites disease. Of course, they might just like cleanliness, but it’s possible the standard of medical knowledge here is higher than we think!”

Passing through the city, Lilith’s been stopping every few steps to make observations of this sort.

“Either that, or this planet once had a highly advanced civilization, and while the culture itself died out, some of its knowledge has persisted through popular lore—”

I turn to Lilith as she glances around the streets like a kid in a candy store.

“Lady Lilith, I really couldn’t care less about this city’s poop situation. Can we please leave already? If we don’t, your return to Earth will be delayed indefinitely.”

“That’s right! But still, this is all very fascinating… Oh! Hey, look over there, Six, there’s a tank! That must be the one from the reports!”

Seeing the tank just sitting there in the middle of town, Lilith rushes over for a closer look.

“Hey, Alice, mind doing something about that childish creator of yours?”

“She’s your boss. You’ve known her longer than I have.”

—After finally reaching the city gates by dragging Lilith along, we find a bunch of kids crowding around the Destroyer parked beyond the walls.

Seeing the children, Alice runs toward them.

“You damned brats, don’t touch the Destroyer!”

Just like with her shotgun, Alice has grown oddly attached to the Destroyer and evidently can’t stand people touching it.

“Who the hell are you calling a brat?! You’re smaller than I am!”

“Hey! It’s that kid who’s always hanging around the Fly! Get outta here!”

“You’re right! And the Fly’s hanging out back there! Bet she’s one of his lackeys! Throw some rocks at ’em!”

The kids don’t take Alice very seriously, probably because she looks about their age, which sends her into a frenzy.

“So that’s how you want it, you snotty brats? Fine! Get ready to cry!”

Alice catches a rock that was thrown at her, then jumps the tallest boy in the group.

“You’re such a girl! Why don’t you go back to—? Ow! Hey! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop it! …Gaaah!”

Alice takes down the boy she tackled, then, grabbing at one of his legs, begins hammering his shin with the rock in her fist.

“Hey, stop it! You made Pikke cry!”

“Okay, okay! We were wrong! We’re sorry! So stop it! Please just stop! C’mon, stop it, all right?!”

As Alice continues obsessively attacking the kid’s shin, the other boys hurriedly move to stop her.

Lilith stares confusedly at the weirdly immature android.

“Hey, Six, is Alice always like this? Even taking into account the fact that you’ve been a bad influence on her, picking fights with kids is a pretty good sign she needs some maintenance…”

“Bad influence? She’s actually got a shorter temper than me and tends to start fights more often than I do. Wait here a minute, I’m gonna go help her.”

“Stop that! And, Alice, that’s more than enough; give it a rest—!”

Finally making our way out of the city, we’ve arrived at our destination despite Lilith curiously inspecting every little thing on the road.

The Cursed Forest.

When I first heard the name, I thought they were being a little too melodramatic, but the name just feels appropriate now.

We’re still not sure why the completed hideout exploded.

At times like this, the best course of action is to just toss it up the chain for an able boss to handle.

“Lady Lilith, just so we’re clear, this forest is really messed up. Please be careful.”

“As if some forest is any match for Lilith the Black! If I recall your reports correctly, the problems were monsters, tribes of savages, and natural disasters, right? Then there was the attack on the newly constructed facility that you still haven’t been able to identify… Does that about cover it?”

Lilith begins fiddling with her wrist device…

“Best to turn those things into radioactive ash with the purifying fire of thermonuclear—”

…only to be promptly restrained by Alice and me.

5

At the site planned for our base, Lilith sits hugging her knees with a sour expression.

“I’ll gladly admit this planet is fascinating, but I want to go home as quickly as possible.”

“Hey, I’m looking forward to getting home, too, which is why I’m counting on you. But we need you to work instead of spending all your time pouting.”

She may be the crazy boss who wanted to solve the cursed-woods problem using nukes, but Lilith’s still one of the more restrained members of the Kisaragi leadership.

“There are definitely times when Lady Lilith acts without thinking. Given that we’re looking for new lands to populate due to Earth’s various problems, turning our prospective new home into a radioactive wasteland would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it? Stop wasting time and use that stupidly inflated Evil Point total to build us a lair.”

“Hey, Alice, you do realize that I’m your creator, right? Your attitude only seems to be getting worse…”

As a Supreme Leader, Lilith’s grown accustomed to being surrounded by legions of fawning sycophants. Casual disrespect is an experience totally alien to her. She stands up despite her sour expression.

“Fine, if that’s what I need to get back home. I’ll show you the power of a Supreme Leader!”

Lilith loudly makes her declaration, throwing open the front of her lab coat.

At that moment, the tentacles the mad scientist implanted into her body come out of hiding, their metal surfaces glinting.

Growing out of her sleeves, hem, and neckline, the eight metal tentacles aim toward the forest, their tips glowing.

“First, let’s clear some of that forest and reduce the enemy’s territory!”

At her words, a barrage of light lances out toward the woods.

The rays emitted by the tentacles work as advertised, turning the dense woodland into an open clearing.

In the blink of an eye, the forest has been reduced to a charred wasteland past the horizon. That’s the level of craziness one can expect from a Supreme Leader.

“Next, we overwhelm them with sheer numbers! I’ll import some supplies using my abundance of Evil Points!”

A few minutes after Lilith fiddles with her device, piles of heavy metal plates start arriving on the foundations we laid for our hideout.

The tentacles sprouting out of Lilith then grab the plates, planting them into the exposed earth.

The tip of a tentacle glows brightly with blue-white light, welding them together…

“Lady Lilith, I’ve always meant to ask. Given how useful those tentacles are, could you put a couple in me, too?”

“These appendages put a really heavy burden on my brain to operate! Just one would overload your synapses, and we’d end up with a terrible tragedy!”

I briefly consider asking her if that’s her way of saying she thinks I’m stupid, but even with all her smarts, Lilith herself can only handle eight of them. Bet it really would end tragically for me.

“Let’s say you had eight arms, Six. Would you be able to do something different with each arm?”

Taking a closer look at Lilith’s tentacles, each is moving independently of the others.

One welds, another hauls metal plates, yet another scratches Lilith’s back, while a fourth hands her a bottle of iced tea—

“…It actually looks pretty easy, so yes, I’d like one, too.”

“No way! Tentacles are part of my identity! Do you know how hard it was for me to create the mutant Anemone Man?”

The construction proceeds rapidly, making all our struggles seem ridiculous in hindsight.

It was at that moment…

“Oh! Lady Lilith, it’s them! The Bashin tribe! Careful! They’ll try to drive monsters toward us. You can already see some mokemokes and mipyokopyokos here and there!”

“…Mokemokes and mipyokopyokos? Really? Alice, can’t you do something about those names?” Lilith asks out of the blue…

“What are you talking about, Lady Lilith? Mokemoke’s a cute name.”

“…? What’s Alice got to do with the names of monsters?”

Alice clarifies for me:

“I already explained, didn’t I? I’m translating the local language and sending the feed directly to your brain. It’s easy for creatures like orcs and griffins, where there’s already a word for something similar from Earth, but for completely new and unknown creatures, I’ve been the one naming them.”

“In that case, I agree with Lady Lilith! At least put more effort into the task.”

“Could you two leave the bickering for later? They’re here!”

As Lilith issues her warning, monsters herded by the Bashin tribe descend on the construction site.

Lilith’s tentacles pause their work and turn on the creatures.

“It’s been bugging me for a while, but just where do those tentacles of yours sprout from? It’s really bothering me, so do you mind if I strip you down to find the answer?”

“Of course I mind! You don’t have to help; just don’t get in my way.”

Lilith politely takes the time to answer me, then, with her lab coat still open, leans forward and widens her eyes.

Looks like she’s using her eyes to lock onto targets while putting all her concentration into operating her appendages.

The tentacles start spitting out everything from lightning to lasers to ultrasonic pulses to bullets.

“Man, Lady Lilith’s just like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’ll get out of her.”

“I agree, but shut up. It’ll be a hassle if she hears you.”

“I can already hear you two! You’re in the way just standing there, so go somewhere else for a bit!” Lilith yells at us, her eyes bloodshot, likely from the strain of running her brain at full tilt.

As we back off like we’re told, a battle against the monsters unfolds before our eyes.

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! See, you two? Kisaragi’s technology is the greatest! These monsters and savages are out of options and fleeing!”

She’s an antisocial character, having hurtled way past the line between madness and genius. She’s obsessed with anime and prone to sending people on the stupidest errands imaginable, but she’s still a Supreme Leader.

Lilith lets out a satisfied-sounding cackle, single-handedly overwhelming the beasts and tribesmen that gave us such trouble.

What makes her so dangerous is that she doesn’t have to worry about running out of ammo or energy.

A chip implanted inside her continually feeds her location to Kisaragi HQ, which then automatically sends energy and ammunition as quickly as she expends them.

I’m told the large-scale teleporter used to send us to this planet is actually based on the technology employed to resupply Lilith’s weapons.

“Hmm? Looks like they’re going to try a counterattack.”

As Lilith scythes through the ranks of their monsters, the Bashin brandish their hand axes and step forward.

There are over twenty of them.

They all draw back and begin hurling their weapons at Lilith.

Most are shot out of the air, and the handful that make it through are effortlessly swatted aside by two tentacles wriggling around Lilith.

Watching this display reminds me of the time I saw Lilith stroll through a battlefield fraught with gunfire as casually as if she were taking a walk.

“…The rules really don’t apply to her, do they?” I can’t help but mutter, prompting exasperated agreement from Alice.

“What with the tentacles and her title of Lilith the Black, Lady Lilith seems a lot better suited to being the Demon Lord.”

The scary thing is that Lilith isn’t actually putting in much effort yet.

Finding that their throwing axes aren’t working, the Bashin begin their retreat.

As though sensing the change, the pretty girls who did a number on our construction equipment emerge from between the trees.

Behind them, I catch a glimpse of the mass of masked and basket-shouldering Hiiragi tribe members.

Seems like the whole gang of guardians are here.

“Lady Lilith, those ones back there are the most dangerous! If the Hiiragi tribe starts dancing, watch out! Also, the girls sprouting from the ground will launch projectiles this way.”

I shout my warning to Lilith from a good distance away.

“And? I’m Lilith the Black. Those Hiiragi tribesmen attack using sunlight, yes? In that case…eat this!”

Lilith curls her lips in a confident smirk before fading from view.

It appears she plans to make extensive use of pricey optical-camo technology to neutralize the enemy’s light-based weapons.

“Man, Alice, I really want some of that optical camo. I bet I could earn tons of Evil Points if I had that.”

“Let me guess, you plan to peep, peep, and peep around some more. Word of warning, you can’t use that near a bath. High humidity condenses on the surface, cutting the camo’s effectiveness in half.”

Dammit, really? And to think that was near the top of my equipment wish list.

The Hiiragi look around in confusion as Lilith disappears before their very eyes. Then they scatter as attacks fire at them from thin air.

That done, Lilith peppers the forest girls with bullets, and they retreat, screeching.

“See, Six? This is the might of Lilith the Black! FYI, I haven’t even shown ten percent of my true power!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s quite impressive of you to overwhelm them while still holding back, Lady Lilith. But you know, characters who handicap themselves like that usually end up dying when they have to go all out.”

“J-just kidding, Six! That actually took about half my power! You’re right, of course. I should use a hundred percent of my power from here on. It’s not a good idea to underestimate your opponents.”

Perhaps because she’s an anime otaku, she seems more than familiar with countless examples of the scenario I’ve cited, and Lilith quickly walks back her statement.

Turning her back to the Cursed Forest, she resumes her construction efforts where she left off.

“But, Six, you’ve still got a ways to go, hmm? You’re a future Supreme Leader candidate; we can’t have you struggling against opposition this pitiful… Still, you were right to call on me out of the three Supreme Leaders for help.”

She then happily sticks both her hands into her lab-coat pockets.

“That being the case, Six, you need to show your commitment to becoming a Supreme Leader by engaging in acts of heinous villainy as a Combat Agent for our evil organization. Although, if I’m being honest, I don’t hate your softness. You don’t have to rush it. I’ll wait however long you need.”

She gives me a teasing smile.

From deep in the woods, a single beam of light streaks out, blowing away the hideout (still under construction) and sending the posing Lilith tumbling to the ground.

6

The next morning.

“Yo, Alice. Is our useless boss still sleeping?”

“Seems she’s awake, but she won’t leave her tent. Can’t blame her, showing off like that and then, well… Figures she’s shutting herself away and staying inside all day.”

The sudden detonation of the base did send Lilith tumbling, but since her tentacles intervened at the last minute, she’s not actually hurt.

Well, at least, her body’s unharmed. That pratfall in the middle of her little spiel left a nasty mark on her pride.

I pick up the breakfast Russell prepared and head to her tent.

“Lady Lilith, how long do you plan to pout? It’s fine. It’s common knowledge among the Kisaragi rank and file that you’re kind of useless. It’s nothing we didn’t already know.”

“…?!”

I hear a sharp inhalation as the tent’s occupant swallows a comeback. I guess she was clueless about her reputation in the organization.

There’s a rustling as something crawls around inside the tent, then Lilith’s face peeks out.

“…That reminds me, Six. I didn’t think much of it at first, but where are Tiger Man and the other agents?”

Her composure restored, it finally occurs to Lilith to ask about the rest of our troops.

“After hearing you would be the one reinforcing us, Lady Lilith, they scattered to the four winds.”

“Wh-why?! Um…wait, does everyone hate me?!”

Despite the fact that she seems the type least likely to care about things like that among the Supreme Leaders, Lilith chooses this moment to get self-conscious.

“……”

“Six, now isn’t the time for you to get all quiet. You’re supposed to reassure me! Tell me that’s not the case! Wh-what am I doing wrong? I’ll do my best to fix it, so tell me what I’m doing wrong!”

I mean, she wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that she uses us like errand boys. That and the whole batshit-crazy thing…

“Well, there’s a pretty long list, but… First, Lady Lilith, compared with Lady Astaroth and Lady Belial, you’re completely lacking in the sex-appeal department.”

“Any last words?”

Lilith, beautiful but modest where it counts, mutters darkly.

“I’m only telling you what you wanted to know, but if that’s how it’s gonna be, whatever. Don’t blame me when the agents you send to bring you food put weird stuff in it.”

“I’m sorry! I’ll try to fix things, honest! So please… But there isn’t a whole lot I can do about sex appeal, y’know!”

Lilith crawls out of the tent with tears in her eyes, pleading as she clings to my leg.

“Your problem, Lady Lilith, is you eat nothing but junk food. Considering that, it’s probably too late to try to address your lack of assets, so why not start by revealing a bit more?”

“I really don’t need you telling me it’s probably too late! I’m a scientist. If there’s even a one percent chance, I’ll keep fighting, even if it’s against fate itself.”

She’s trying to make it sound impressive, but given the context, ehh…

“But…more revealing…? Wouldn’t showing more skin just make me look kind of stupid?”

“When it comes to reputation, you’re already at rock bottom, Lady Lilith. You’re so far down, it’s all up from here. Lose the tacky lab coat. Wearing it doesn’t make you seem any smarter.”

“Can’t you, I don’t know, be a little more tactful?! All right, fine, I’ll try making my outfits more revealing. But surely, there are other reasons, right? If agents are avoiding me just because I’m not showing enough skin, I’m going to have to beat some sense into them.”

Other reasons? Hmm, I guess all that’s left is…

“Well, beyond that, you just need to stop sending us on stupid errands and using us as subjects for your crazy experiments…”

“Wait, isn’t that the bigger issue?! The bit about how I dress is kind of irrelevant, isn’t it?! Forget all this for now. Let’s get our base built today!”

Slightly motivated by our exchange, Lilith grabs her breakfast and scarfs it down.

Back at the construction site.

The location has grown familiar by now, but we got some news today. We’ve figured out who’s behind the explosions.

According to Alice, what sniped our hideout yesterday is some new form of monster.

One moment, there was a flash of light from deep in the woods, and the next, boom went the base, with Lilith sent flying.

A look at the light source revealed a large reptile poking its head out of the ground.

Basically, we’d successfully executed Alice’s plan: Build a decoy to draw out the bomber.

“…All right, then. Ready, Six, Alice? The enemy is a large monster that takes cover underground between long-range attacks. Now that we know what it is, we can take care of it!”

Lilith’s specialty is long-range shelling using a massive amount of modern artillery.

Her typical MO is to use overwhelming firepower to vaporize a wide area, turning it into a charred wasteland. However…

“While we have no problem with you strafing the woods, please don’t use any of your really dangerous stuff.”

“I mean, the really dangerous stuff is the most efficient way of reducing things to rubble, but that wouldn’t be elegant. However, I, in my peerless genius, have already planned for this! Last night, while you lot were snoring away, I launched a small surveillance satellite into orbit. I’ve already identified the target’s lair.”

In spite of everything, she’s still a Supreme Leader. She’s planned ahead.

I turn to Lilith as she starts scribbling a note. I guess she intends to request some equipment.

“Why can’t you put all that strategizing to better use anyway?”

“Shut up, Six. You simpletons just can’t understand how a genius like myself operates. Now, while we don’t know what method the enemy uses to attack, we can always figure that out after we kill it. And with that… ‘Hypersonic Anti-Submarine Depth Charge!’”

As Lilith happily holds up the compact depth charge, I sigh in exasperation.

“Lady Lilith, you know that’ll mess up the bedrock around here. We’re supposed to settle this area, remember? We haven’t even done a tectonic survey yet. What if you cause an earthquake?”

“So what? If there’s the possibility of an earthquake, we might as well find out about it before we start moving people here. It keeps the damage to a minimum. That’s the power of science!”

The Hypersonic Anti-Submarine Depth Charge.

It’s a weapon particularly hated by people like the Japanese, who’ve been plagued by earthquakes throughout history. The hatred is justified, though. It’s been used to artificially trigger earthquakes more than once.

Lilith stole…or rather, got the inspiration from…the popular monster-hunting game, Monster Panda, where one uses sonic explosives to force subterranean enemies to the surface.

The weapon is primarily intended to be deployed against underground bases, but it’s also been used countless times to trigger earthquakes in areas where a large quake was anticipated within a matter of decades. Of course, in addition to the quakes, it also triggered massive protests from multiple activist groups.

Groups that believe it’s best to evacuate the areas and get the quakes over with. Groups that believe that, if left alone, the quakes might never happen and that consider it hubris to try to control nature. Groups that believe even broaching the subject completely discounts the feelings of the victims. These factions have been locked in a never-ending debate since we triggered the first quake.

Just then, Alice breaks her silence.

“Preach, Lady Lilith. There is nothing science can’t do. Someday, humanity will overcome any disaster. You might be useless from time to time, but you make good points!”

“Of course. Victory to humanity as we close the books on our long history of fighting natural disasters… Hey, Alice, are you sure you don’t need maintenance? I’m your creator, you know…”

As the science cultists work themselves up into a lather, the forest begins stirring, as though sensing the danger.

The trees suddenly part, and from the new opening, a giant lizard shows its face…

“Looks like it detected the danger through natural instinct. But it’s too late! Depth charge, awaaaay!”

Lilith’s tentacle grabs the explosive and tosses it at the lizard’s head.

The distance is about two kilometers.

Despite the considerable range, the anti-submarine depth charge sails high into the sky, falling in a pinpoint arc toward the target and—

A sharp, keening noise pierces the air as the ground violently rumbles underfoot.

The quake passes in a few seconds. Struck by the hypersonic blast from the depth charge, the lizard leaps out of the ground and rolls around in pain.

“Damn, Alice, she really did just cause an earthquake.”

“Impressive, Lady Lilith. Supreme Leaders are something else.”

“Hold on. That wasn’t an earthquake. It was over too quickly! And I didn’t get the Evil Points Acquired announcement! A-anyway, we’ve managed to drag the target aboveground!”

Panicking a little, Lilith turns her tentacles toward the lizard still thrashing around in the dirt.

7

With the giant lizard dead, the rest of the monsters withdraw like a receding tide.

I guess the lizard must have been the pack leader around here.

The science nerds insist on checking out the corpse, so we’re about to head toward the target when…

“Wait, whaaat?!”

Lilith lets out a cry of surprise as she glances down at her device.

“What is it, Lady Lilith? Was that earthquake actually your fault, Lady Lilith? Did you get a massive influx of Evil Points?”

“No! I already told you I didn’t get the point announcement! But when I double-checked my score, my point total was a lot lower than it should be…”

Alice helpfully elaborates as Lilith keeps rechecking her device in shock.

“While you’re on this planet, all supplies are going to cost you Evil Points. Basically, after your battle, Lady Lilith, the points were spent on your automatic resupply of ammunition and energy cartridges for your energy weapons. You were generous with your ammo yesterday, after all.”

“Wait just a minute. That applies to leaders like me, too?!”

On Earth, the cost of ammunition and energy cartridges that Lilith uses is automatically deducted from her bank account.

But on this planet, even things that are cheap to buy with cash require payment in Evil Points.

This clause was originally put in place to force me to commit acts of villainy whether I liked it or not, but…

“Are you kidding me?! My strength is based on the fact that I have access to unlimited ammo! If I stay here, I won’t be useful for long!”

Flipping out when a policy of her own making comes back to bite her—what a lovely boss.

“No one’s kidding. That’s your own damn rule, remember! You might spend your days goofing off, but since you’re here, we need you to do actual work. If you spend all your Evil Points and still end up useless, I’m gonna take out my pent-up frustration on you! You’re going to understand at least SOME of my suffering!”

“Nooooooooo! I don’t wannnnnnnaaaaaaaaaa!”

As Lilith tries to return to the camp, we spend the next hour cajoling her with a mixture of threats and reassurances.

Finally getting out of her funk, our bothersome leader makes her way to the target.

“Wow, that’s big. Dinosaur-class, even. How is it supporting its own body…?”

Lilith speaks with a hint of surprise, looking up at the giant lizard sprawled out with a huge hole through its head.

It really is a giant lizard, and it’s big enough that if someone told you it was actually a dinosaur, you’d likely believe them.

“Damn, giant lizards are sick. Hey, Alice, let’s try eating this thing. Then when I get back to Earth, I’m gonna brag about eating dinosaur steak.”

“Just because you Combat Agents are tough doesn’t mean you should go around putting random things in your mouth… Huh.”

After patting the lizard’s body with her hands, Alice quizzically tilts her head.

“What, you want a slice of dino-steak, too?”

“I don’t eat, you idiot. But try touching it. The skin feels metallic.”

I reach over and touch the lizard, and just as she says, the skin feels solid and cool to the touch.

With her interest piqued, Lilith begins taking a skin sample. I wander over and open the beast’s jaws.

““Oh…””

Alice and I peer inside the mouth.

“What is it? …Oh-ho-ho, well, well…”

Lilith joins us in staring into the creature’s maw.

The lizard’s innards are mechanical.

There appears to be a deployable turret inside its mouth. I have to guess that’s what blew away our hideout.

It’s then that I notice the hole in the ground the lizard popped its head out of also looks faintly metallic.

“Lady Lilith, Lady Lilith, notice anything odd about this thing’s lair?”

“…Any way you look at it, it’s clearly a highly advanced, man-made structure,” says Lilith curiously, directing her tentacles toward the ground.

Is she searching underground with sonar or something?

“…Hah! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Six, Alice, listen up! There’s a giant subterranean facility in this region! This is getting really interesting! Tell the other agents to be careful when exploring this place! Any damage will be met with severe punishment!”

As Lilith cackles maniacally, Alice and I peer into the giant hole.

“…Um, the facilities are a wreck thanks to the depth charge you used, Lady Lilith.”

“…Okay, tell the others to…uh…just be careful when they’re down there…”