CHAPTER 1

Spies Will Be Dispatched!

1

The Kisaragi Corporation. A global corporation known to every man, woman, and child on Earth. And I’m sitting here in a conference room in the very heart of its company headquarters.

“—That about covers the basics. I trust you have no questions, Agent Six?”

“Got it, Agent Six?”

“I think I misheard you. Would you mind going over that again?”

The faces in front of me sigh, presumably in exasperation at how thickheaded I’m proving to be.

“…Very well. Agent Six, your assignment will be to infiltrate the target as an advance scout for the Kisaragi Corporation. Your mission will be to survey the local fauna. If you encounter any aboriginal inhabitants, you are to gather intelligence on their military capabilities. Your overall objective will be to assess whether the target has the resources and territory with sufficient strategic value to justify an invasion.”

“…I see.”

The mission makes perfect sense. It’s something I’ve done countless times before.

“Your target will be an alien world. You got that?”

“Yeah, you got that?”

“…No, I can’t say I do,” I immediately reply, and the expressions of the pair in front of me sour in puzzlement.

The first is Astaroth the Ice Queen. A slender woman with hip-length black hair that shimmers like obsidian. She possesses an ethereal, otherworldly beauty that inspires fear more than anything else.

The other is Belial the Great Flame. A flame-haired bombshell, she dresses in an outfit that leaves little to the imagination.

The Ice Queen and the Great Flame both have a preference for skimpy clothing and share a hobby of using their unique titles in daily conversation.

Astaroth the Ice Queen lets out another sigh, preparing to describe my assignment for the third time in as many minutes.

“…Just what is it that you fail to grasp here, Agent Six? There’s nothing about this mission that should cause you any confusion. All I’m telling you to do is to infiltrate the target as a spy.”

I notice Belial the Great Flame nodding along in agreement.

“I understand the mission. But you keep losing me at the ‘alien world’ part. Look, I’ve learned to play along with your cosplay outfits and corny titles…but I’ve gotta admit…a pair of grown women going on about alien worlds is a bit much, even for me.”

“H-how…how dare you call our uniforms cosplay outfits?!”

“Tacky…?! Agent Six, is that how you’ve thought of us all this time?!”

The pair in front of me flush and become noticeably more animated.

“Well, I mean…it’s not exactly rare for the two of you to make statements that are a bit…out there. But you’re breaking new ground today. Have you been watching too much of those isekai anime about people being reincarnated in other worlds?”

“Silence! That is enough of your impudence. You are aware that we, the Kisaragi Corporation, are nearing our goal of world domination, correct?”

“Well, yes, of course.”

I try not to notice the bulging vein on Astaroth’s forehead as she patiently resumes her explanation.

World domination. For the Kisaragi Corporation, this doesn’t refer to dominating a particular industry or market. It’s literal, and Kisaragi happily describes itself as an evil secret society on the “about us” page. The corporation’s primary business is the planning and execution of evil schemes.

As for me, well, I started working here as a Combat Agent while in high school. Soon after they hired me, they cut me open and installed some weird body enhancements, making me a glorified errand boy—a role I’ve been stuck in ever since.

Ordinarily, you expect a corporation to retain plausible deniability about aiming for world domination, but we became so big that we stopped trying to keep it a secret a long time ago. We’re now a multinational criminal organization, focusing on mayhem, death, destruction, and plunder. There isn’t a military force on the planet powerful enough to oppose us, and I’ve been told that the handful of countries holding out hope with economic sanctions were on their last legs.

“Very well. Now, what do you imagine will happen to you operatives when we finish conquering the world?”

I don’t understand what Astaroth is asking, and I tilt my head.

“…? We, of course, become the new rulers of the world and indulge in a life of decadence and debauchery, right?”

“No, you fool. We’re looking at a massive restructuring of the organization.”

““…Say what?””

Belial and I respond with one voice to Astaroth’s response.

“…Restructuring? Is that your way of saying you’re gonna start firing people?”

“That’s right.”

The conference room goes deathly quiet.

“…Wait, wait, what? You can’t just… After all that I’ve done for you! You coldhearted bitch! First, you make me do all your dirty work, and now you’re just gonna toss me aside?! I’m basically unemployable and undatable given all the modifications you’ve made to my body. You owe me. So let me move in with you! Please! I promise I’ll make a good house husband!”

“Hey, am I on the chopping block, too?! Is my position as the Supreme Leader in charge of military operations going to get eliminated?!”

Both Belial and I cling to Astaroth, but true to her title, the Ice Queen doesn’t so much as flinch…

“Calm down, both of you… H-hey! Agent Six! I’ll explain the plan! Just don’t grab my top! It’s slipping! Stop, stop, stop! My outfit’s too skimpy to be pulled like that!”

…Astaroth pulls away from us, panting in panic, wrapping her arms protectively around her top to hold it in place. She scrambles away with teary eyes to secure some personal space.

“I can’t believe you two. Listen! First, Belial, you’re one of the Supreme Leaders in this corporation. Your job is safe. We will still need a military after we finish our conquest. As for you, Agent Six…”

Belial lets out a sigh of relief, but I, the lackey, find nothing reassuring about Astaroth’s answer. As if reading my mind, Astaroth shifts her gaze to me.

“Unlike Belial, you’re just one soldier in our great army. With that said, you have been with us since the very beginning. Whatever your title, we consider you one of our own and think of you as part of our leadership.”

“…Does that mean I can get a raise? I’ve been working here since I was in high school, but my pay hasn’t changed since I was a temp.”

“However! If we provide special treatment only to you and ignore the other operatives, we risk alienating the rank-and-file members and having the corporation fall to pieces.”

Astaroth makes no indication that she heard anything about my pay as she continues her spiel.

“…Then how will you decide who stays and who gets canned? If you say, ‘By drawing lots,’ I’m gonna give you a taste of the modifications you’ve made to me.”

“F-fool, that’s why we’re talking about your new assignment!”

Apparently recognizing that my patience was wearing thin, Astaroth backs up into a defensive crouch.

“Basically, Agent Six, the idea is that once we conquer Earth, we look for another planet to attack. The layoffs were new, but we’ve been discussing our next target for a while now. We have to govern what we’ve conquered, and without a war on, there’s no money to spend on an excessive military,” Belial adds from next to Astaroth.

“So that’s why you’re going on about alien worlds? But we don’t have the technology to get there. If we had that kinda tech, I’d have fled to the planet of big-breasted beauties by now. We’d have to start by getting people to Mars or Venus,” I say to them with a pitying glance.

“…We should continue this discussion in Lilith’s room. Come with us, Agent Six.”

Astaroth, with her icy visage back in place, turns on her heel and leaves the room. The most I can do is tilt my head in confusion and follow.

The third of Kisaragi’s three Supreme Leaders is Lilith the Black. Her lair at Kisaragi headquarters, a research laboratory, is always filled with machinery with no clear purpose. Yet, today my eye catches a new object in the center of the room.

“Agent Six, do you know what this is?” Astaroth asks, waving her palm toward a jumble of large technological equipment attached to a great glass pod.

“It…looks like a teleporter straight out of a sci-fi movie.”

As soon as the observation leaves my mouth, I hear the lab owner call out in reply, “A keen observation, Agent Six! You’re certainly sharp for a meathead!”

The harsh appraiser of my intellect is a beautiful young woman with dark hair in a bowl cut and dressed in a white lab coat as she triumphantly struts around the object. Lilith the Black, the Kisaragi Corporation’s resident mad scientist and the one who applied the various modifications to my body.

“Wait, you’re serious…? You’ve actually achieved teleportation? With a pile of junk like this?”

“Junk, you say? How rude! This is the answer to humanity’s prayers. A magnificent device that will solve every problem plaguing our world today. One of my greatest inventions if I do say so myself!”

The ordinarily taciturn and antisocial Lilith is in a fine mood. Even Astaroth’s poker face cracks a little, thin frown lines creasing her brow.

“A lab coat again, Lilith? You are one of the leaders of this organization. You should wear the proper uniform every once in a while.”

“You’re kidding, right? Why would I want to expose myself like that? I’ll go ahead and say it—Astaroth, you and Belial look like you’re auditioning for a cosplay porno.”

“Oh, good, I’m not the only one who thought so!” I comment.

““Wh-what?!””

It appears this observation is news to Astaroth and Belial, who freeze in place…which, honestly, is the least of my concerns right now.

“…So this is an actual working teleporter? That’s…one hell of an invention. I figured the people in the organization calling you the world’s greatest scientist were just sucking up to you. Your lab always did seem like a black hole that just ate up our budget.”

“…I—I see that you’re still not afraid to voice your opinion.”

Ignoring the tomboy nerd’s forced smile, I continue examining the pod.

“How does this relate to my assignment?”

I tilt my head in curiosity. Lilith’s face brightens at my question.

“Do you believe in aliens?”

“I bet they exist, but it’s not something I’ve spent too much time thinking about.”

The corporation counts mutants among its ranks, and then there’s those oddities called Heroes. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other things out there, given the size of the universe.

“To date, modern science has confirmed the presence of thousands of planets similar to Earth. They have things like water, atmospheres, and what appears to be plant life. These planets are at the right distance from their stars, are the right size, and made of the right material…and so this is a reward for all the hard work you put in each and every day.”

…Reward?

At my puzzled expression, Lilith turns to stare intently at me.

“Think about it. There is literally an astronomical number of stars in this universe. Billions of stars with planets like Earth. There are so many worlds that counting them is a waste of time.”

Lilith grows more reverential and animated, sweeping her arms outward in a grand gesture as she continues her sermon.

“And with these infinite worlds come infinite possibilities. Worlds where the inhabitants are still in the primal stages. Worlds that have made wondrous technological advancements. There’s even the possibility that some of them have actual magic, like the swords and sorcery books you’re so fond of. Don’t you want to explore those possibilities?”

“So there might be worlds where everyone adores me without question or I’m the very image of beauty or, heck, I’m the only man, and this teleporter will help take me there? I’m sold. Fire it up.”

Lilith edges away at my monologue, gesturing toward the back of the laboratory.

“E-excellent. I’m glad you’re so eager to go. Of course, we won’t be sending you in alone… Come on in, Alice.”

A little blue-eyed, blond-haired girl dressed in a white flowered dress enters the room in response to Lilith’s summons.

She looks like a sixth grader.

She’s carrying an enormous backpack much too large for her small body, wobbling slightly with each step.

“Who’s the brat? I should probably mention that I hate kids.”

“Just who are you calling a brat? You’re not exactly royalty yourself.”

………

“…Oh-ho? Is this what we’re doing? Who does this damned brat think she is? I’m a soldier for an evil organization. No one mouths off like that to the Kisaragi Corporation and gets away with it.”

“If you attack me, my reactor core will melt down and vaporize everything within a considerable radius. If that’s what you’re after, be my guest. And my designation is not ‘damned brat,’ it’s ‘high-spec pretty-girl android.’”

…An android? Seriously?

I suppose that explains why the girl seems…off. Now that it’s been said out loud, I can kind of see it.

“Well, it looks like you two will get along splendidly. Let me give you a proper introduction. This girl is Alice. She’s a high-spec android specifically designed to support you. She ranks up there with the teleporter as one of my greatest inventions.”

“Unlike you disposable lackeys, the corporation has spent an enormous sum of money on my development. You’d better take care of me. I’ve been warned you’re a meathead. Leave the thinking to me.”

“…Can I return her? I don’t really need a dangerous, mouthy pile of junk following me around.”

I check my equipment, stepping in front of the pod.

The comforting weight of my trusty sidearm on my right hip. Plenty of spare magazines on my belt. On my left hip rests my lucky combat knife, purchased with a bonus I got a few years back.

If I’m being honest, the whole set doesn’t really amount to much, considering I’m walking blindly into an alien world…

“Well, I see you’ve made your peace with going.”

Astaroth has recovered from the shock of being called a cosplay porn star, and her icy expression has been replaced with a gentle smile.

…It’s the smile that charmed me into signing up with a shady company calling itself an evil organization after that complete con of a recruiting poster tricked me into applying.

The smile that convinced me it was worth it to participate in evil schemes and take on the entire world.

“I’ll go. I’ll go! I mean…I’m the one you chose out of all the corporation’s Combat Agents to represent Kisaragi in this new world, right?”

Astaroth, of course, backs me up enthusiastica…lly?

“Huh…? O-of course! Most certainly! There’s no one else we could trust with such an important assignment!”

“Wait…how did you pick who to send? Belial? How did you choose the scouting party?”

I ask Belial, still sulking in the corner, rather than the unconvincing Astaroth.

“They’re not skanky… The Supreme Leader outfits aren’t skanky…hmm? The scouting party? Astaroth rolled a die…”

“We’re counting on you, Agent Six! N-now go on. There’s not a moment to waste!”

Astaroth interrupts Belial and shoves me toward the pod.

…When I get back, I’m going to demand a Supreme Leader–level salary. Just you wait.

“Oh yes, I almost forgot. If you need any weapons or other supplies, write down the request and send it with this mini-teleporter. The chips we’ve implanted in you and Alice will let us know your coordinates.”

Lilith gives what I assume is supposed to be a reassuring smile, then hands Alice and me a pair of devices resembling wristwatches.

Well, that takes care of my concerns about equipment. So long as I have access to Kisaragi Corporation equipment, it really doesn’t matter where they end up sending me.

The mouthy pile of junk follows me into the pod.

“What was your name again? Alice? You mentioned your reactor might melt down if you get hit. You sure you can handle this? I can’t have you blowing up on me.”

“Isn’t it the dream of every evil minion to self-destruct and take the enemy with them? Don’t worry yourself. Evidently, I was built to support you, so you ending up dead is out of the question. I’ll make sure to pick the right time and place to explode.”

That’s not reassuring. I’d rather she not self-destruct at all.

“Agent Six.”

Astaroth calls to me with the cold expression worthy of her title…which is quickly replaced by a look of concern.

“…Well…you’ve been with us since you were still in school. As I mentioned earlier, I consider you to be one of this organization’s Supreme Leaders. It’s true.”

This is hardly the place or time for this. It’s true that I started working here as a part-timer back in my first year of high school. It didn’t take long for us to conquer half the world. One minute we were facing off against various militaries, the next we had spandex-clad weirdos calling themselves Heroes coming after us. We even faced off against a giant robot made of smaller interlocking robots, which was as big a waste of technology as I’ve ever seen. This whole situation has been utterly ridiculous and terrifyingly dangerous. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve threatened to quit…but still…

“I’ve enjoyed my time with everyone here at the corporation. I’m even looking forward to this next assignment in spite of everything. I can’t promise I’ll come back safely, but I’ll do my best not to disappoint you. When I do get back, would you mind giving me a decent raise?”

“You fool. That’s where you’re supposed to swear you’ll make it back home. The three of us will be waiting to welcome you home. In fact, when you get back, we’ll promote you to the fourth Supreme Leader… The Four Supreme Leaders, or perhaps the Elite Four has a good ring to it.”

Astaroth’s lips curl in a daring smile at my reminiscing. I don’t have the heart to tell her that at nearly twenty years of age I’m a bit too old to call myself a member of something like the Elite Four.

“Sigh… I wish I could go. You’re so lucky, Agent Six. I should’ve sneaked in the weighted die.”

“…Weighted die? Belial, you were on the list of candidates?”

Belial laughs as though my question was particularly absurd.

“Of course! Astaroth would go on a one or two, I would go on a three or four, Lilith on a five, and you on a six. Astaroth made it pretty clear we had to pick from a small list of trusted people, so that’s how we came up with that list. Of course, when your name came up, she threw a fit, insisting it was too dangerous, and demanded that she go instead.”

“V-very well! Are you prepared, Agent Six? I will now formally give you your assignment!”

Astaroth, flushing from her face to her ears, interrupts Belial’s little story with a hurriedly off-pitch order.

Aw, so they really do consider me a member of the inner circle. And they’re worried about me, too. …Sniff. Huh, there must be something in my nose.

Astaroth tries to compose herself even as her cheeks stay stubbornly flushed.

“…Astaroth, do you mind if I give you a hug?”

“Here is your assignment! Your mission is twofold. First, secure a base of operations, assemble a teleporter at this base, establish two-way travel from between the target to Earth, and return safely. This task will primarily be Alice’s responsibility.”

Belial smirks as Astaroth tries vainly to dodge my question.

“Agent Six, this sort of occasion calls for more than a hug. Kiss her already. I’m sure Astaroth wouldn’t mind…”

“Don’t you dare, unless you want to be frozen! We’re getting off topic… Your second objective is to gather intelligence on local military forces, resources, and soil. This objective is intended to determine if the target is a suitable solution to pressing issues such as continued employment for our Combat Agents, food shortages due to population growth, land pollution due to war, and the reduction of habitable land due to rising sea levels. You are to determine if the target planet is suitable for human colonization.”

…Huh?

“This assignment… It’s not just about the future of our organization, is it? It’s one that concerns the fate of Earth and even humanity itself.”

“Of course. That’s why failure isn’t an option. I mean, if you fail at this assignment, you’ll be stuck there, so be careful. As Lilith said earlier, if you have any need for equipment, make a request in writing. For now, it’ll have to be small enough to fit in the pod.”

…Ah. So the corporation will back us up and provide unlimited use of company equipment.

“Also…make sure to send a progress report at least once a week… Let me know how you’re doing, all right?”

That smile again.

Before I can throw my arms around her, Astaroth kicks me into the pod.

“…All right, then. All set?”

With Alice and me inside the pod, Lilith goes through the final preparations.

Next to her, Astaroth has her eyes focused on the ground in front of her, arms crossed across her chest. Belial clings to the glass pod, staring intently at me as though trying to etch my features into her memory.

“Uh…could you maybe back up a little? The staring is making me nervous.”

At my remark, Astaroth looks up. “…Right. You’re right, of course. Now that you’ve made up your mind, having us fuss over you is just going to make you anxious… I’m praying for your safe return, Agent Six.”

Astaroth looks at me as though she’s never going to see me again.

“You’re blowing this all out of proportion. I won’t be gone too long. I mean so long as we find a suitable building, we’ll have a teleporter up and running before you know it. Then we can just zip back and forth.”

“Sorry, can’t help it. We’re not even sure if the teleporter works properly.”

Despite my attempt at levity, there’s a sadness to Belial’s gaze.

“There’s nothing to worry about. Lilith wouldn’t make something that doesn’t work. She’s the world’s greatest inventor, right?”

““………””

Astaroth and Belial exchange a wordless glance. Next to them, Lilith silently continues the preparations.

“Um, Lilith…? Just what is the success rate with teleportation? How many times have you used this thing? When you say you’re sending us to a known planet, are you able to place us accurately onto the surface?”

“The success rate for teleportation is currently at one hundred percent. The number of attempts is classified. So are details about the accuracy of the teleportation process.”

“Um…on second thought. I’d like to decline this mission.”

Alice grabs hold of my arm as I try to get out of the pod.

“Hey! Let go of me, you piece of junk. I need to step outside the pod for a minute.”

“What are you so afraid of, lackey? Did you forget to make a backup this morning?”

…What is this junk pile going on about?

“…You do understand that humans can’t just save and load from a backup, right? And if you don’t stop calling me lackey, you’re going to suffer an unfortunate accident when we reach our destination.”

“Thtop ith! Leth goff oth my theek! You’re gointh to thretch my thkin! I’ll stop calling you lackey if you call me Miss Alice.”

“Well, this isn’t getting anywhere. We may as well send them out now.”

As I pull on Alice’s cheek, Lilith makes her chilling remark, and the pod begins to fill with smoke.

“Wh-what’s going on? Lilith? What’s with this weird smoke?”

“Ah. We’re making sure we’re killing off any microbes and viruses that might be stuck to you and Alice to avoid infecting the natives. Oh, bear in mind that you’re not allowed to come back if you get infected by something while you’re over there,” Lilith adds.

I make an effort to break out of the pod, but Alice keeps me from making contact with the glass.

“…Agent Six! With your enhanced body and your power armor, you should be able to handle any environment you find yourself in. We’re praying for your safe return.”

“We believe in you, Agent Six! Don’t forget to bring back souvenirs!”

“Wait, wait, wait! Shouldn’t we take a bit more time to test all this? Come on, now!”

I shout vainly in response to Astaroth’s and Belial’s good-byes.

“Listen, Agent Six. To date, this device has a hundred percent success rate. But if we keep testing it, there might be accidents, and the success rate will fall under one hundred percent. If the success rate goes down, that puts you at an increased risk.”

…I take a moment to think through Lilith’s logic.

“What the hell are you going on about?! That risk calculation makes no sense! There’s no way you’re a genius inventor! You’re nowhere near that fine line between genius and insanity! You’re just a mad scientist!”

“You need to learn a little restraint when you’re upset. There’s no one else on this Earth who would say something so rude to a woman of my intellect. Anyhow, enjoy your trip, Agent Six! Don’t forget to write!”

Lilith breezily activates the teleporter…!

“You tomboy nerd! I’ll be back for my reven—!!”

2

The moment the teleporter fires, I take a full blast of cold wind to the face and reflexively shut my eyes. After a moment to steel my nerves, I sneak a peek and see—

“That idiot! I should’ve known better than to trust her! I don’t wanna die, Idontwannadie, donwannadieeeee!”

“Could you shut up and stop panicking? Based on visual estimates, we’re about thirty thousand meters in the air. We have a bit more than two minutes before we hit the ground.”

Yes, it turns out I’ve been teleported so high off the ground that objects below appear blurry.

“What about this situation suggests I stop panicking? Alice! You’re a high-performance android! You have a flight mode, right…right?!”

“Actually, my only internal feature is the self-destruct.”

“You pile of juuunk!”

My falling speed increases as gravity grabs ahold of me. The wind rushing past my ears and life flashing before my eyes make it hard to hear much of anything. Halfway between my first steps and my first bike ride, I notice Alice matching my fall speed and offering me the backpack she’d been carrying.

“Put that on. Lilith and I are smart enough to plan for this possibility. If you set the target too close to the ground, even the slightest error means you and some dirt end up occupying the same space. Even your meathead brain can understand that’s much more fatal than a little fall, right?”

The pack is a Kisaragi Corporation standard-issue parachute. It’s specially designed to allow for parachute drops wearing even these stupidly heavy suits of power armor. Doing as I’m told, I hastily place the pack on my back, double-checking that the straps are all in place. As I finish, Alice wraps her arms around my waist.

“You don’t have your own?”

“We don’t have the budget for it. Have to save with the little things. I’ll leave the deployment timing to you, but you better be careful. Remember, if we hit the ground too hard, the explosion will vaporize everything within a few miles.”

That’s really not a reminder I need right now. I can’t shake the feeling that being followed around by this walking nuke is meant to be punishment.

Once the parachute is securely attached to my person, my anxiety drops from panic to mild concern. I take a moment to scope out the ground below me.

“Check that out, Alice. Looks like a city of some sort.”

“Huh. Most of this land is untouched. There might be intelligent life but not a lot of it.”

I catch a glimpse of something that looks like a walled city a distance away from our landing zone.

A castle sits at its center, which is then surrounded by the city proper and some farmland. Enclosing the city, farmland and all, is a massive wall that’s an impressive sight even from this altitude.

Outside the walls of the city stretches a vast plain of red-brown dirt. The plains reach out toward the horizon and disappear into the woodlands, and it looks like the rest of the world itself.

I make these observations on our leisurely trip down. After a while, Alice and I make contact with the ground. I take a moment to savor the feeling of solid earth beneath my feet, then let out a slow breath.

“…All right, Alice. Send our coordinates to those idiots in charge. Screw securing a base. We’ll put the teleporter together here and head back to regroup. As payment for the sudden near-death skydiving experience, I’m gonna grope that tomboy until she cries.”

“Sorry, no can do. The teleporter is a really sensitive piece of equipment. It needs to be assembled in a clean room. We need to let the connection stabilize for at least a month. So if getting home’s important to you, you better get cracking on securing a base of operations.”

……Seriously?

“…Not again. Do you know how many times they’ve done this to me? You know what they told me before modification surgery? ‘If you get these modifications, you’ll be blowing through missions with ease. Promotion, reputation, money, and women—it’s all yours for the taking,’ they said. Do you know how much I actually make?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. But cheer up! Teleporting so close to a settlement is pretty lucky. It’s not a bad start at least. Let’s begin by heading toward that city we saw on the way down.”

Alice starts rapidly walking in the general direction of the walled city. I suppose it’s better than making a scene here in this barren wasteland. Throwing a tantrum won’t bring me any closer to a base. Still, this is going to take a while…

“Hey…things were a bit hectic earlier…so let’s redo introductions. I’m Agent Six, the longest-surviving Combat Agent in the Kisaragi Corporation. I’ve made it through every hellhole and battlefield imaginable, and I intend to keep it that way.”

I reintroduce myself as I hurry to catch up to Alice.

“I am the Kisaragi Corporation’s high-spec pretty-girl android: Alice Kisaragi. No need for formalities. We’re the same rank.”

“Hey, that’s my line! You do know I still have seniority, right? Oh, whatever. So what is it you can do? I can’t really do anything but fight. Oh, hey! Speaking of fighting, we could use more equipment. Lilith said to use these mini-teleporters to order what we need, right? Even if we can’t get a teleporter, we can order a buggy to drive around in.”

I catch up to Alice, but she stops dead in her tracks and turns to me.

“Oh, right. I need to explain that part to you. Six, how many Evil Points do you have?”

Evil Points.

It’s one of the things that allows the Kisaragi Corporation to function as an evil organization.

Each individual member of Kisaragi is implanted with a chip that tracks that member’s Evil Points. You’d think that doing evil for evil’s sake shouldn’t be our highest priority, but our leadership takes our role as villains really seriously. So they’ve set up a system where they track our villainy. You can then use your accumulated Evil Points to get equipment or exchange them for reward money.

People who are model evil minions have lots of Evil Points. The more you have, the better equipment you can buy, and better equipment means better performance on the battlefield. That, in turn, leads to promotions, which ultimately net you even more Evil Points.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been particularly good at villainy. At most, the things I do are petty nuisances rather than truly vile schemes. That means whatever my abilities on the battlefield, the other members of the corporation view me as a poseur.

The Supreme Leaders believe there’s an art and science to villainy. They expect Kisaragi Corporation members to be charismatic super villains rather than mere beasts or thugs. I admit I don’t understand what the hell that even means.

“My current score’s about three hundred.”

“That’s a bit low to be invading a fortress city like that. All right, we’ll walk there to save on points and infiltrate the city as spies.”

Come again? We’re starting with the assumption of invading? That’s a little scary.

“…Wait, are you saying we need to buy equipment with points? Just how evil is our corporation? I thought this was a giant, important undertaking!”

“There’s a literal universe full of candidate planets. You may be the first scout, but they’ll eventually send out others. We don’t have enough resources to spend generously on each and every planet. We haven’t even finished conquering Earth yet.”

…This is starting to feel like one of those RPGs where they give you about as much money as you’d get from bagging groceries and expect you to use that to defeat the Demon Lord.

“It’s not like I have a lot of leverage given my limited skill set. Sigh… I have to admit it’s almost impressive how evil our corporation can be.”

“If you don’t want to get fired, you need to focus on the job. If it turns out this planet is a good candidate for colonization, we’ll have plenty of things for you to do like fighting life-forms that threaten new settlements. So far, the atmosphere is breathable; that’s a good sign so far as this world is concerned.”

Alice continues her explanation as she starts lightly tapping at my neck.

“That seems like a good reason to provide equipment instead of this nonsense about Evil Points. I mean, with the right equipment, Mr. Six can easil… Ow! The hell are you doing?!”

“I’ve injected you with immuno-boosting nanobots to protect you from unknown diseases. Anyway, let’s hope the inhabitants of this fortress city are pushovers. We did pick a world as close to Earth as possible, so there’s a good chance the locals are Homo sapiens like you. I didn’t notice any skyscrapers, and given the amount of undeveloped land, it should be easy enough to slaughter and subjugate them.”

Well, if I had any doubts Alice is an android, that settled it. That cool expression as she casually discusses slaughter and subjugation? Yeesh.

3

I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been trudging along these plains.

After staring at a hazy blob on the horizon for what feels like an eternity, I can finally make out some details of the walled city— Wait, what the heck are those…?

“Liar! I thought you said this place was like Earth! Those things don’t exist on Earth, dumbass!”

“Stop whining and start shooting. There’s a lot of them.”

We find ourselves surrounded by a mob of grotesque four-legged monsters.

I draw the pistol from my hip holster, thumb off the safety, and take aim. Alice, meanwhile, takes shelter behind my back.

“The hell are you doing? What sort of robot hides behind a human?”

The pack spreads out to surround us, rearing up on their hind legs in a show of strength. I carefully squeeze the trigger, methodically taking the monsters down one at a time.

“I told you, I’m a high-spec android. As a high-spec model, they put extra effort into realism. So I have the same combat abilities as a similar-size human girl.”

“You useless pile of junk! You’re definitely not a high-spec model! You better treat me with respect from here on out!”

Just as I yell out to Alice, one of the four-legged monstrosities pounces. Thinking (incorrectly, as it turns out) that its mouth was at the front of its head, I brace for a bite. Instead, the creature’s back splits open, revealing two glinting rows of razor-sharp teeth…

“…It’s gonna eat me!”

I grab at each jaw with my hands, flexing every bit of cybernetic, power armor–boosted muscle to keep the jaws from snapping shut.

“Alice! Alllliiiice?! You may not believe this…but this thing’s jaw is as strong as I am! Quick, help me out here!”

What the hell is up with life on this planet? I’ve got both enhanced muscles and power armor on, and I can barely keep the jaws open.

“I’m sorry I can’t be of help, Mr. Six. I’m a useless pile of junk incapable of solving this problem.”

“Look! I take back everything I said earlier! Just help me out here! Please!”

I struggle to keep the jaws of the first monster pried open as a second and then a third lunge toward me. I manage to fight each creature back with desperate, flailing kicks, but it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m dinner.

“Well…I suppose I can help you out. Buy me a shotgun with your Evil Points?”

“Okay, okay! Just hurry up and help!”

Alice quickly sends over the order as the four-legged monsters appear to have come to the conclusion that attacking one by one is a losing proposition. They’re ready to attack all at once.

“,!”

What sounds like words with some sort of meaning attached to them comes from the direction of the fortress city. Turning my gaze toward the voice, I see what appears to be a group of horseback cavalry heading in our direction.

More precisely, it’s a group riding mounts that look like horses with single horns on their heads.

Yes, it’s a unit of armored warriors on what appears to be a bunch of unicorns heading toward us and yelling something.

“It’s here, Six. Just remember who it is that’s saving your hide.”

Alice pops out from behind my back, taking aim with her newly acquired shotgun and squeezing the trigger.

The shotgun blast sends a creature flying. It lands with a wet squish, tumbling along the ground with a final whimper before going still.

With my arms freed up, I bend down to pick up my pistol and quickly squeeze off a shot at a convenient target.

The monsters, caught off guard by the shotgun blast, didn’t take long to finish off—

“, is it?!”

The woman at the front of the unicorn cavalry calls out to us.

She’s wearing full armor, so it’s hard to tell her figure, but just based on her face, she’s the sort of strong-willed beauty who’s right up my alley.

The woman, her light-blue hair flowing behind her, dismounts from her unicorn, drawing her sword and pointing it at me.

“ me! What are ? Where did you !!”

I don’t quite catch her meaning, but based on her expression and tone of voice, it’s clear she’s demanding, rather than asking for, answers to her questions.

“What do you think we should do, Alice? She looks about ready to shove a few inches of steel into my gut.”

“Why don’t we just wait and listen for a while longer? We can figure out what to do after.”

Listen to what exactly? It’s not like we can understand what she’s saying.

“Just where is that from? I’ve never anything that!”

…Wait, what?

“And it looks like you’re not carrying a . Answer me! Who are you?”

……

“Hey, Alice, I think I may have acquired some new abilities on this planet. For some reason, I’m starting to understand what they’re saying. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? I’m already powerful, and now I might be gaining the ability to instantly understand language.”

“I have no idea what you’re going on about, but the reason you can understand her is because I’m analyzing the words and sending you the translation data through the chip implanted in your head.”

……

“Wait, the chip in my head can do that? That’s news to me! Honestly, that’s pretty creepy.”

“It’s not particularly relevant right now. Just be quiet and let me take care of this.”

Alice brushes aside my objection and turns to the woman barking questions.

“Fair knight, I shall answer all your questions. Please quell your anger.”

I completely fail at my attempt to hide my surprise as Alice answers fluently in the local tongue. For a moment, I’m convinced she’s an innocent little girl.

According to the story Alice is giving the knight, I was once a relatively important individual in my home country. I commanded armies and fought to protect people, leading an intense life of traveling from battlefield to battlefield.

Unfortunately, that life of conflict caught up with me, and I picked up a particularly nasty, traumatic head injury in battle. So accompanied by my guardian Alice, I was on a journey of self-discovery to heal my mental and physical wounds.

Due to my post-traumatic stress disorder, I’m prone to fits of odd behavior and outbursts. This means I can’t function in polite company. As Alice would have it, it’s not something I’m doing intentionally—so she beseeches the knight to treat me with compassion and ignore small indiscretions along the way.

As for how we wound up where we are now, Alice explains that a large band of beasts attacked us as we emerged from the woodlands near the city. We managed to fight our way out of that situation, but in the process, we had to abandon the wagon carrying most of our belongings.

The knight listens to Alice tell what is honestly a ridiculous tale and nods solemnly without interrupting.

“I thought you might have been bandits or fugitives, not travelers. Forgive me for the harshness, but understand it’s part of my job. Witnesses in the city saw something fall from the sky. We were on our way to investigate when we found you.”

Ignoring the pitying looks from the knight, I grab Alice by the arm and drag her out of earshot.

“…What the hell, Alice? Why are you making me out to be some sort of head case? What did I ever do to you? Do you have a death wish?”

“I based it on the data Lilith provided me. Look, let’s be honest, Six; you’re a meathead. There’s no way you can stick to a story over the long haul. At least with this story, we can get away with your ignorance of local customs and lack of common sense. Any odd behavior on your part can be explained away as mental illness, and people will just treat you with pity.”

Alice explains her reasoning without so much as a flicker of expression.

“Also consider the fact that you’re black haired and brown eyed. It’s a stretch to pretend we’re siblings. So we’ll say you saved me from a pedophile. When you were saving me, you suffered another head injury. Your brain was already scrambled, but the injury made things much worse. Blaming myself for your condition, I resolved to accompany you as your innocent and brave young guardian. Got it?”

“Got what exactly? Just what sort of monster was this pedophile? And why do you keep insulting me in your explanation? So I’m crazy, and you’re the brave young girl?”

The whole story pisses me off…but I can’t think of a better one. I hate to admit it, but Alice makes a good point.

No, not about there being something wrong with my head. It is a lot more convenient if everyone thinks I have issues with my memory.

The knight regards our whispered conversation with a touch of suspicion but turns away.

“…Very well, I understand your situation. Ordinarily, I’d find it hard to believe you came through the Darkwood, but having seen that… Well, the only thing left is to welcome you to our kingdom… Of course, that’s if you want to stay once you learn the situation.”

I couldn’t shake a bad feeling at her faint smile as she gestured toward the dead monsters with her chin.

4

On the road toward the fortress city, the armored woman gives us the rundown.

“It came without warning. The demon nation that neighbors our kingdom of Grace declared war upon us without provocation.”

The other members of the search party were off investigating the object that fell out of the sky—which was probably me and Alice. Once deployed, a heavy-duty parachute is a bit of a hassle to lug around. Which is why Alice and I had decided to leave it at the landing zone. I try to push any concerns about it being connected to our appearance to the back of my mind as I turn my attention back to our guide.

“Well, that got dark really quickly. So what exactly are they after? Resources? Food?”

The armored woman shakes her head no in response to my question.

“They’re after land. I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from, but around here, there’s a limited amount of habitable land. There’s a giant monster called the Sand King that’s turning their country’s land into desert. But at the same time, they’re hemmed in by the Darkwood. Which is likely why they’ve decided to focus on our kingdom.”

Sand King, monsters, evil forests—I’m not hearing a lot of encouraging keywords here. Is this planet really worth invading? At the very least, it seems more than the locals can handle.

“The demons are probably aiming to conquer our kingdom, take over our lands, enslave the population, then use the slaves to settle the Darkwood. However, there’s an ancient prophecy that’s been passed down for generations in our kingdom.”

“Prophecy…?”

In spite of all the dangers, I feel a giddiness welling up in my heart.

“That’s right, a prophecy. When mankind faces the wrath of the Demon Lord, the gods will anoint a champion with a mark on his hand. After facing many travails, the Chosen One will defeat the Demon Lord…”

I remove the power armor gauntlet and show off the top of my hand.

“Well then, it would seem that I am your Chosen One.”

“That’s a mosquito bite.”

Alice lets out a soft snort of exasperation, but my expectant gaze was never meant for her. I look up at the armored woman hopefully.

“…Um…well…I hate to dash your hopes…but the mark has already appeared on one of the kingdom’s princes.”

Dammit…

My shoulders slump, and my eyes droop. The spring in my step is gone as I trudge along the road. I suppose the armored woman noticed my disappointment; she speaks up, trying to change the subject.

“H-hey…so I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced! My name is Snow. I command this kingdom’s Royal Guard. What are your names?”

“Combat Agent Six.”

“I am Alice Kisaragi, the high-spec pretty-girl android.”

……

“You know…you should probably rethink the whole calling yourself ‘high spec’ and ‘pretty girl’ thing.”

“At least I’m using a name. Have you been called Combat Agent Six for so long that you’ve forgotten your actual name?”

Snow tilts her head after our introductions, repeating our names several times to herself as if trying to sound out the words.

“Com-ba-day-jent Sicks…? Ah-liss Key-sarah-ghee…? And what is an android exactly?”

It appears that my full code name is actually kind of hard to pronounce in the local language.

“You can just call me Six.”

“You may simply refer to me as Alice. That will suffice.”

“Very well. So do you understand the situation our kingdom is in? We have no issue welcoming you as guests if you’re willing to put up with the war. If you’re short on travel funds, I can at least find you some work. I mean, I’m sure our meeting isn’t just a coincidence; I’d like to think there’s some higher purpose at work.”

Snow smiles at us in what I assume she thinks is a reassuring and gentle way. For someone in my line of work, it’s not hard to see through that expression and sense there’s more lurking beneath the surface. Alice, of course, chooses this moment to break into my thoughts in Japanese:

“<Hey, Six. This is a great opportunity. Ask her to find you a job. It’d be a good chance to evaluate the average combat skill of the natives. It’s also a lot easier to sabotage the castle’s defenses if we’re living there.>”

“<You’re pretty ruthless, even for an android. But it would be nice to have a source of income while we conduct our survey. And it looks like we can avoid the need for identification if Snow’s our way into the country.>”

Snow looks at us suspiciously as we converse in what is, to her, a foreign language.

“My apologies. This man is a bit…dim, so I was explaining the situation to him in our native language. Please don’t worry about his combat abilities, though. What he lacks in brains he more than makes up in brawn.”

“Could you stop sneaking in insults at every opening? …Oh, whatever. As Alice says, I’d be happy to work for you as a mercenary or such. Just tell us what you need.”

In response, Snow flashes that shady smile of hers. “Of course! We’d be happy to have you. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’re capable of…heh…heh-heh-heh.”

“Open the gates! It’s Snow, Princess Tillis’s personal knight and captain of the Royal Guard. I’ve brought a pair of travelers we encountered on the road.”

In response to Snow’s command, the soldiers open the gate and salute.

“Welcome back, Captain! And travelers? That’s a welcome surprise… Where did they come from, and how did they get here, I wonder…? Regardless, I’m sure you’re all tired; please head to the castle and get some rest.”

We enter through the gates and are greeted by an unexpected sight. Alice, riding behind Snow on the unicorn and cheerfully cleaning her shotgun, also pauses to stare at the same object.

The city itself is a collection of what appears to be pretty solid buildings of brick. Given the lack of power lines, it doesn’t look like they’re using electricity yet.

The people milling about the city are diverse, with a wide range of skin and hair tones. Judging by their clothes and the things they’re carrying, it seems pretty safe to assume that this country is as technologically advanced as you’d expect from the castles and armored knights we’ve seen so far.

However…

“Hey, Snow…what is that exactly? It looks like a tank to me.”

Sitting on the road just inside the gate is a rusted scrap heap that looks like it was once a battle tank of some sort.

“…Wait, you know what that artifact is? That’s an ancient weapon that once saved this kingdom from a giant magical beast. It was back before the city’s walls had been built. The weapon stood its ground here, stopping the magical beast in its tracks. They tried to save its technology and preserve it using magic, but as you can see, the years have taken their toll.”

If this is an ancient weapon, that means there used to be a civilization advanced enough to build tanks. That probably means it was at least as advanced as Earth is now. All this talk about Demon Lord prophecies and armored knights got me into a fantasy world mood, but suddenly it seems like we’re in a postapocalyptic sci-fi setting. This bears investigating… Hey, wait a minute!

“Magic…? Did you just say there’s preservation magic cast on that thing?”

“Wh-what are you all excited about? I mean, I can’t use it myself… Hey, don’t look so disappointed! I can’t help it! The use of magic is a rare skill, after all.”

This planet has magic…… I suppose that makes sense if there’s a Demon Lord and magical monsters. It makes perfect sense. Still…

I raise my hands to the sky and yell out.

“EXPLOOOSION!”

……

“You did mention his…strange outbursts… Is this one of them?”

“Exactly right. He engages in odd behavior like this from time to time, but when he does, it’s best to simply leave him be.”

Snow and Alice whisper behind me as I stand there with my arms held high.

5

“Welcome back, Snow. Thank you for undertaking the mission… Perhaps you could introduce me to your companions?”

Once inside the castle, we’re taken to the largest room at the very top of the building and introduced to a blond-haired, blue-eyed young woman. I get the sense she’s the calm, quiet sort.

“Of course. I encountered these two while carrying out my mission, Your Highness. They say they are foreigners who come from beyond the Darkwood. I was not able to determine the truth of their claims, but when I found them, they had slain a pack of Deadly Heggs. At the very least, they are skilled enough to navigate the forest.”

Hearing Snow’s report, the young woman covered her expression of surprise and mouthed Oh my…

“Lower your heads. The lady before you is Her Highness, Princess Cristoseles Tillis Grace, princess of the realm and your new employer.”

“That name’s a mouthful.”

“Y-you insolent cur!”

Snow glares as I blurt out my opinion, while the young woman in front of me lets out a soft chuckle.

“I see you’re one who readily speaks his mind. Clearly, you’re not from any of the neighboring kingdoms… I doubt anyone who knows of my reputation would behave this way in my presence.”

The young woman chuckles in amusement, letting the implications of her statement remain a mystery.

“How should I address you? Princess Grace? Or should I refer to you as Princess Cristoseles?”

“Please call me Tillis. There is no need for formalities or titles. I ask that you act as naturally as possible.”

“…L-Lady Tillis, surely that is going a little too far…?”

Snow seems to have more to say, but Tillis is breezily unconcerned. The Supreme Leaders at our corporation are pretty quick to comment about my attitude, but it appears this princess doesn’t need constant reminders of her status.

Snow whispers into Tillis’s ear. A moment later, the princess nods and turns back to Alice and me.

“…Sir Six and Lady Alice, is it? I’m told that you commanded armies in your homeland, Sir Six?”

“I sure did. I led countless Combat Agents in vicious battles against all sorts of enemies from around the world.”

Snow shoots us a skeptical gaze typically reserved for scam artists, while Tillis chuckles in her artful way.

Eesh. For once, I’m telling the truth.

“Currently, our war with the demons has left us with a shortage of qualified soldiers. Given your abilities, we would appreciate it if you could lend your strength to us, if even for a short while.”

Tillis clasps her hands together as if in prayer, then gazes up at me.

“W-well…I can’t very well refuse the request of a princess. D-don’t think I’m accepting just because you’re easy on the eyes…”

“Six, stop being a creep. You’re just going to complicate things.”

Hearing my response, Tillis lets out a soft sigh of relief and smiles at me.

“Honestly…I know you’re a foreigner, but there are limits! Her Highness is kind enough to ignore your indiscretions, but don’t think the other nobles are so tolerant. I don’t mind you losing your head, but you’re likely to take me down with you!”

After our interview with our new employer, Snow takes us to the next part of the hiring process. Even though Tillis has given us her blessing, they still need to interview us, if only as a formality. It looks like bureaucracy’s strict adherence to protocol is a universal concept.

“Please forgive him, Lady Snow. Six is certainly a fool without a shred of common sense, but when it comes to battle, he’s a professional. He’ll prove his worth soon enough. His accomplishments will be a credit to you, I’m sure.”

“Well…”

Snow’s string of complaints cuts off as Alice highlights our potential.

“Oh! I get it now. Since you’re in the middle of a war, I’m sure you want every able-bodied fighter. Seeing the corpses of those whatchamacallit monsters, you thought we’d make quite the catch. I see, I see… You made a big deal out of your generosity in giving us work when what you really wanted was to get your hands on my sexy body!”

“We’re not that desperate! And your body? Don’t make me laugh! I’ll be honest with you. My three greatest loves are money, glory, and high-quality swords!”

I’m caught a bit off guard as Snow drops all pretense and essentially declares herself a megalomaniac.

“Look, Six. There’s something about you that makes me think we have something in common. Normally, they wouldn’t just hire a foreigner. I’ve got some authority, too. If anyone gives you crap for being a newcomer, I can use my position as captain of the Royal Guard to crush them. We’re on the same side, you and me. I’ll try to give you some backup from here on out. I’m counting on you!”

Snow has just admitted to being a social climber and accused me of being the same thing, and I’m still reeling from the sudden revelation when Alice suddenly pipes up.

“…Say? Snow, what might that be?”

As we pass the castle courtyard, we come across another sight that, like the tank, looks completely out of place in a stonework castle. There’s a box-shaped contraption around three meters to a side sitting there in the courtyard. Alice stares at it, examining it in detail.

“Compared to the tank, this appears to be in much better condition. Seems to run on solar power. What is this for?”

We stop to examine the object, and Snow lets out a sigh at our curiosity.

“This is another of our kingdom’s artifacts. It’s a legendary relic that makes rain. Every year, during the dry season, one of the members of the royal family offers a prayer to the device, and it brings rain to the kingdom. As you might have noticed, it’s currently not operating. It’s safeguarded here, protected by layers of preservation magic, but someday it, too, will be lost to the sands of time…”

Snow trails off at the last comment. From her expression, it’s clear she’s equating the fate of the device with the fate of the kingdom.

“If it’s not too far gone, I might be able to fix it. May I open it up?”

“T-truly? Even if you can’t fix it, I’ll take full responsibility. But please, give it a try!”

In response to Snow’s hopeful expression, Alice produces a toolbox seemingly out of nowhere and starts repair work on the device.

“Where the heck did that come from?”

“I carry the tools I need to maintain my own body. It’s like how you take care of your health,” Alice responds airily.

She can repair herself, hmm? She might be more useful than I thought.

Snow shifts impatiently as she watches Alice work.

“Well…? Can you fix it?”

“Yes, ma’am, it looks repairable. Some of the wires are worn. It should just be a matter of replacing them and restarting the device.”

Snow’s face lights up as Alice explains the repair process.

“Good work! All right, let me go fetch someone. Heh…heh-heh-heh…… Hey, Alice, Six, we’ll be splitting credit evenly, right? Right??”

Snow breaks out into a bewildering fit of giggles as she dashes off in a random direction.

“…Split the credit? But she didn’t do anything.”

“You haven’t done anything, either, you know… There, that should do it.”

Alice pushes what appears to be the on switch, and a mechanical voice speaks up.

“Commencing reinitialization process. You will be prompted to set a new password once reinitialization is completed.”

Password?

Ah, so that must be what Snow was talking about when she mentioned saying a prayer to the device.

“Reinitialization process complete. Please set a password.”

The device announces that it’s ready to accept a new password.

“Dick festival.”

“Password set.”

“…What the hell are you doing?” Alice blurts out, momentarily pausing as she puts away her tool kit.

I wag my finger and tut. Alice is an android; she should have seen this coming.

“Think about what Snow said. Every year when they need rain, a member of the royal family says a prayer. That means Tillis. Imagine that beautiful, well-mannered princess saying that obscenity. In public, to boot! Each time Tillis is forced to embarrass herself to the masses, I’ll also get some Evil Points.”

“Clearly you didn’t think this through. Snow said a royal. That means it doesn’t have to be Tillis. Tillis is a princess. That means there’s an actual king. So you’ve made it so that every year a middle-aged guy is going to say that idiotic password in front of a huge crowd of people.”

……

“Crap. When you put it that way, I’m starting to think this wasn’t such a great idea.”

“Well, it’s too late now. Six, get them to send us some plastic explosives. We can blow up the machine and erase the evidence. Then we tell Snow, ‘We couldn’t fix the machine. I thought it was fixed, but it blew up.’”

That’s a wonderful idea. I can see why Alice is classified as a high-spec android.

“Excellent, let’s go with that!”

“And what, pray tell, is so excellent?”

A familiar-sounding voice interrupts me from behind.

Tillis is standing behind us with a forced smile and a fan clutched in a death grip. An uncomfortably silent Snow stands next to her, sweating bullets and trembling.

The chip in my head chooses that moment to chime in with a familiar notice.

<Evil Points acquired.>

6

“Stop squirming! You’re in the royal presence!”

“Oh, come on! You said you’d take all the responsibility for anything that went wrong! Liar! Sadist! If you couldn’t handle one little screwup, you shouldn’t have asked us to fix the damn thing in the first place!”

After Snow and the other soldiers take us into custody, we’re dragged into what appears to be the audience chamber in front of the king himself.

“S-silence! I told you to fix it…not do…that!”

Snow shoves me, hoping to shut me up. Our arms bound, Alice and I are thrown onto the carpet in front of a dais and forced to kneel. The gentle-looking man sitting on the throne in front of us gazes down at us with a look of curiosity.

“…And these are?”

“Your Majesty, these were travelers Snow recruited to serve as officers in our military. They came upon the artifact in the courtyard and claimed they could repair it…and ended up doing just that.”

A woman who appears to be a secretary or assistant describes our misdeeds, prompting the man’s brows to rise in surprise. At this point, I’m pretty sure this man is the king himself, after all…

“Hey, Alice, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who looks so…kingly. Look at that beard! He’d make Santa Claus jealous! Do you think he’ll let me touch it?”

“Six, that is the ruler of this country. If you must spout mindless drivel, can you at least whisper? You’re practically shouting.”

Ignoring our exchange, the secretary continues her explanation.

“Unfortunately, in the process of repairing the artifact…they changed the prayer into…well, an obscene phrase.”

“An obscene phrase? And what phrase would that be?”

The secretary is an attractive woman with a calm, collected demeanor.

What is it with this planet anyway? All the women I’ve met so far are superhot. Now that I think about it, the knights who were accompanying Snow were all pretty easy on the eyes, too…

“Um…it’s…dick festival…”

“Ah…forgive me for making you say that aloud.”

I can’t help but feel another pang of regret as the gravity of the situation sinks in.

But wait a second…all those women were riding unicorns…

“We cannot understand why anyone would do such a foolish thing. You there, do you dispute anything the secretary has said so far?”

…If I’m remembering my mythology right, unicorns only accept the company of virgin maidens. Say, does that mean…?

“You! Answer His Majesty’s question!” Snow’s face breaks into my thoughts.

“Whoa! Too close! I see what you’re trying to do! Taking advantage of my reverie to steal a kiss!”

“What…?!? What are you talking about?! Do you realize where you are?!”

The king breaks in with a polite cough and repeats his line of questioning. “You, is it true that you changed the prayer into an obscene phrase?”

I recall my current situation with a start and glare at Snow.

“It’s true, but she said she’d take all responsibility.”

“Y-you son of a… He’s lying, Your Majesty! I only ordered him to fix the device…”

The king appears at a momentary loss for words as I try to press responsibility onto Snow…

“We appreciate the fact that you repaired the artifact. For that, we will forgive your indiscretion and provide you with a reward. You may take that reward and make your way—”

“Father, a moment please.” Tillis, wearing a calm smile that just manages to cover whatever emotions were roiling beneath the surface, interrupts the king and enters the audience chamber. “I would like to take those individuals into my service. They are, after all, capable of wiping out a group of Deadly Heggs and repairing artifacts. It would be a pity to lose their services over such a trifling matter.”

“V-very well. If that is your judgment, I will support your decision, Tillis.”

The king nods frantically in agreement to Tillis’s suggestion. Alice and I have an aside in Japanese.

“<Six, it looks like the true center of power in this country is that princess. The king strikes me as more of a doting, doormat father.>”

“<Ah, so we should cozy up to Tillis. Brownnosing is one of my best skills, leave it to me.>”

“<You are something else…>”

Snow waves her hand grandly toward us as she processes what Tillis had just said.

“Your Highness! We should banish this man! Think of what he’s done to our artifact! He might very well be a spy planted to bring ruin to our kingdom! Please rethink your decision!”

“Oh? Spies, huh…? What does that make the person who talked up our potential and got us hired?”

Snow explodes with rage. “You dare accuse me of treason? No one is more loyal to the princess or this kingdom than I!”

“Ah, looks like I struck a nerve… People get really defensive when the accusations against them are true. The truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

Snow responds to my taunting by drawing her sword and lunging at me. “You bastard! Give me one good reason not to use my beloved Flame Zapper to cleave your head from your shoulders!”

“Ah, resorting to violence against a helpless opponent just because you’re losing an argument. I guess chivalry really is dead! You sure you wanna kill someone your boss is interested in hiring? There’s something else you ought to be doing, isn’t there?”

Snow, cheeks flushed with rage and ready to take my head off with a single swipe of her blade, freezes in her tracks.

“…Something else I ought to be doing?”

Alice explains to the bemused Snow. “Well, you told Six and me, and I quote: ‘I’ll take full responsibility.’ Our part has been swept under the rug, but that doesn’t change your role in all this.”

Snow begins to tremble uncontrollably, sword slipping from her hand and clanging against the floor. Cringing, she turns her gaze toward Tillis. The glimmer of hope in her eyes is quickly extinguished as the kingdom’s true ruler directs a gentle smile toward the knight—

I stretch as I leave the interview room, and Alice comes up to me, speaking in Japanese.

“<Hey. How did your interview go? Since they’re already planning to hire us, I’m assuming they just asked some easy background questions.>”

“<Yep. They asked about Kisaragi, my Finisher, and even a couple questions about Heroes.>”

After the audience with the king, they had me write a résumé for a quick interview for appearance’s sake. I’m just giving a rundown of the interview to Alice.

“<So I’m now a knight of the kingdom…not bad. If I can’t be the Chosen One, I’ll settle for being a knight.>”

“<Just don’t forget you’re a Kisaragi Combat Agent first and foremost. Our mission comes first.>”

“So that language you sometimes break into, is that your native tongue?”

* * *

A voice breaks into the Japanese conversation between Alice and me.

“You again?”

It was Snow, finally having changed out of her armor and revealing that the outfit was hiding one seriously nice body. The outfit, which I assume is some sort of knight uniform, is pretty heavy on blue tones. The color accentuates the whiteness of her slender legs that peek out from the skirt, and judging by her looks, Snow would give a supermodel a run for her money.

“What do you mean, ‘You again?’ I’d prefer not to be here, either.”

She’s weirdly hostile. I mean, I suppose I’ve given her a few reasons to hate me, but still.

“And…? What do you want? We were just on our way to the barracks.” I’m pretty salty myself, and I’m not even trying to hide it.

Snow’s brow twitches. “I’ve been assigned to take you to those very barracks…and tend to you while you’re there.”

“…Say what?”

The moment the question leaves my mouth, Snow straightens and snaps off a smart salute.

“I’ve been assigned to your unit, effective immediately. From here on out, I’ll be serving as your executive officer.”

…It appears Snow is now part of my unit. Wait, how did it come to this?

“…You’re saying my first assignment is as a unit commander?”

Snow maintains her salute, but her expression turns to a look of annoyance.

“…W-were you even listening to Princess Tillis? We’ve lost most of our veteran commanders and knights in our war against the demons. That’s why you see women serving as soldiers. It’s also why so many knights and officers are barely older than children. We have a critical shortage of commanders. You have experience leading units in your home country, right? So starting today, you’re being placed in charge of your own squadron. Even if the group is only at squadron level, this is still a leadership position.”

Ah. I see this kingdom’s higher-ups appreciate my talents, making me a squad commander so quickly.

“With that said…I consider you a figurehead. When it comes to actual combat, I’ll issue the orders. Stay out of my way.”

What the hell is this woman going on about?

“Hey! Don’t let that whole knight-captain thing go to your head. I’ve got a pretty good record as a commander. Definitely better than your kingdom’s losing streak to the demons.”

“…I do appreciate that you repaired the artifact. But in the process, you made it abundantly clear that I can’t trust you. I’m on to you now, so don’t try anything funny.”

Snow turns on her heel and starts walking without so much as a backward glance. Her body language makes it clear she’s not planning on making friends, but Alice and I don’t intend to just let her march off without getting in a barb or two of our own.

“Taking out your anger on us because you got demoted… Don’t you have any shame? Some people!”

“Some people!”

“…I—I haven’t been demoted! I’m…I’m here to make sure you two don’t do anything suspicious. And since you’re basically an amateur, I’ve been assigned to support you. You’d best understand where you stand.” Snow turns back toward us and gives a hurried string of excuses.

Her eyes are bugging out way too much for us to believe her. Alice and I turn to each other and shrug.

“…Pretty sure she’s the only one who thinks she’s being assigned to watch us…”

“Of course. After letting that happen to a national treasure like that artifact? I’m pretty sure a screwup that big would normally call for seppuku. Poor girl, deluding herself into thinking she’s getting an important assignment.”

“You…you bastards!”

7

“This will be your room. We’ve furnished it with the basics. Now, what shall we do about Alice…?”

After a brief argument, we’ve finally made our way to the barracks and been led to our rooms. Here, for whatever reason, Snow has decided she needed to complicate the discussion.

“What do you mean, ‘What shall we do about Alice?’ Did you have something special in mind for her?”

“…Well, ordinarily this barracks is off-limits to nonpersonnel.” Snow looks a little nonplussed.

“Excuse me? You think you can exclude me now? I’m a member of Six’s unit, dammit. Seriously, that’s why you got demoted, dumbass.”

Alice suddenly launches into a tirade. Her expression isn’t much different from usual, but I get the impression she’s miffed.

“Wh…what? A-Alice…wh-where did you learn to speak so disrespectfully?”

The sudden burst of venom from Alice, who by all appearances is a child, sends Snow reeling back, wide-eyed.

“I don’t need any lectures about respect from you. Check yourself before you criticize anyone else, got it? Now go and ready a room for me, you cheapskate!”

“…Y-you…insolent little brat! Squadrons have five members. Each member has a specific role. Usually, there’s three knights as front liners, with a mage and healer as the back line. Six and I would be knights in this case. Meaning we need at least one more front liner, a mage, and a healer… What can you do, Alice?”

Snow looks at Alice skeptically, but if Alice is troubled by it, she’s not letting it show at all. She scowls as she presses her face up at Snow.

“What can I do? As a high-spec model, I can do anything. My specialties are planning, strategizing, and devising tactics, but I can also use nanomachines to provide medical attention to those in need. It’s technology far beyond the comprehension of you troglodytes. So I guess you can tell that healer or whatever to hit the bricks. Their services are no longer required!”

Alice unilaterally declares healers to be superfluous extras, then stomps her way out of the room in a manner not befitting a presumably emotionless android.

“…Can she do that…?”

Snow mumbles her concern, momentarily looking less like a cynical knight and more like an insecure teenager.

Snow makes arrangements for Alice’s room, then leads us to the exercise yard in front of the barracks. Snow mentions that there’s currently a group of soldiers awaiting assignment, carrying out training exercises there.

“Eyes up! We will now begin the recruitment of two members for a brand-new squadron. If you think you’re up to the task, step forward!”

In response to Snow’s announcement, the soldiers stop sparring and gather around us.

“You haven’t been here long enough to know what each soldier is like, so I’ll be choosing our squad members. However, feel free to peruse their résumés if you’d like.”

Snow shoves a pile of papers into my hands, then waits for the soldiers to assemble. If she actually wants our input, she’s doing an amazing job of hiding it. Anyone can see that she’s just putting on a show by waiting for everyone to gather before announcing her preset choices.

“Hey, Six, look at this.”

Alice pauses filing through the résumés and holds a set up for me to look at.

“‘God of War, Alexandrite Gravekneel.’ Good pick—he sounds like a badass.”

“No, not him. Just look at his age. That geezer is over eighty years old. I’m talking about these two.”

With a title like God of War and the experience from surviving into his eighties, I’m pretty sure Alexandrite’s got all the qualifications of a badass, but Alice is intent on the pair on the next page.

“‘Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera: Rose,’ ‘Grimm, Archbishop of Zenarith’…? These names sound like trouble to me. What’s so great about them…? Hey! ‘Mirei the Clumsy Ally-Killing Mage’! Let’s go with her! I want a clumsy mage on the team!”

“There’s no way that a clumsy mage is anything but a ticking time bomb. Besides, just look at the kill counts for the two candidates that I found. They’re way higher than the others.”

I go through the résumés again after Alice makes her point. Sure enough, those two have a lot more kills than the others.

Still…

“But if we’re talking about kill count, Alexandrite has ten or twenty times their number. Might be better off going with him…”

“Forget about the old guy. We can’t have a soldier that might keel over from a heart attack mid-mission. Besides, these two have more interesting titles. I have no idea what an Archbishop of Zenarith is, but a Battle Chimera sounds like a perfect fit for the corporation.”

…That’s true. The title does make her sound like some sort of mutant.

“I see you’ve all assembled. Now, I’ll announce the choices for the squadron. First…”

Alice interrupts Snow in the middle of her announcement without so much as a by your leave.

“Hold up, Snow. These are the two we want.”

Alice hands the chosen résumés to Snow.

“Uh…wait, not these two… Can we at least swap one out for Sir Alexandrite?”

“Do the two of you have a geezer fetish or something? Just call them forward already.”

It’s hard to shake the feeling that Alice has Snow firmly under her heel, and the knight mumbles complaints under her breath as she summons Alice’s selections. A young girl steps in front of me, looking a little older than Alice, at maybe fourteen or fifteen years old.

“…Well, each résumé describes the soldier in question, so you can read up later. Rose, go ahead and introduce yourself,” Snow orders.

“The name’s Rose. Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera Rose… You think you can handle me…?”

Covering one eye with her hand, Rose glares at us with a look of deliberate disinterest to rival Alice’s.

A closer look reveals a lizard tail peeking out from the hem of her skirt and a little demon horn protruding from behind her silver bob. Each of her eyes is a different color, and the combination does in fact bring a Chimera to mind.

I mirror Rose’s pose.

“Combat Agent Six. Cybernetic killing machine. I buried my past with my old name. Pleasure to meet you, Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera…”

“I’m Alice Kisaragi. Don’t worry, our corporation deals with so many cringeworthy nutjobs, we’ve got HR policies to help special snowflakes like you. We’ll make good use of your abilities.”

At our introduction, Rose freezes in place, covering her face with her palms. She falls into a trembling heap, evidently hoping that we might have mercy and forget about her weirdly haughty intro.

“Alice, you could have at least tried to play along. Look at her; she’s so mortified, she’s shivering. You’ll probably make her cry if you call her cringey again.”

“Why would I play along with her dumb antics? …You there, stop acting like that if you find it so embarrassing.”

“Y-yes, ma’am… I’m Artificial Humanoid Chimera Rose. P-pleased to meet you.”

Rose slinks toward us, her face beet red.

“Try to look past her oddities; she can’t help that her creator raised her this way.”

“My creator…that is, my grandpa, told me to do this when introducing myself… Sniff, sniff… I didn’t want to do it, but it was my grandpa’s dying wish…”

Rose starts crying after Snow’s explanation. This strikes me as a good time to look away for a bit, so I turn my attention to Rose’s résumé. I note the basics: age, assignments, kill count, and special abilities…

“…Whoa, what’s this? You can absorb the abilities of things you eat?”

“Huh? Y-yes, sir…as a Chimera, I’m pretty easily influenced by the things I eat… It can’t be just a bite or two, but if I eat enough of a monster, I start manifesting its abilities. Lately, I haven’t eaten much other than meat from one-horned ogres and fire-breathing lizards. That’s where this little horn and tail come from…”

Alice and I exchange glances.

“<Alice, she’s a mutant initiate.>”

“<We definitely need to secure this one.>”

“…Wh-what’s going on? I can’t understand a word you’re saying…but it doesn’t sound particularly pleasant… Um…say…you wouldn’t have any unusual foods on you, would you? Something smells really tasty…”

Rose’s initial panic at hearing Japanese is replaced by curiosity, her nose twitching in response to a scent. I haven’t had time to eat a proper meal since we were teleported, so I started snacking on a ration bar on my way to the barracks. I take out the partially eaten ration bar and show it to Rose.

“Did you mean this? It’s everyone’s favorite, delicious, nutritious ration bar, Calorie-Z. You can have it if you agree to follow all my orders without exception.”

“S-seriously? Oh…but it just smells too good to resist.”

“Tsk… Six, you know you look like a pedophile trying to tempt a little girl with candy, right? …Still, that is useful information for the future.”

Rose’s mismatched eyes follow the ration bar as I wave it from side to side.

Snow’s attention remains on the gathered soldiers, looking for a specific face. When she finds her mark, Snow calls out, “Grimm, wake up and get over here!”

In response, a woman in a wheelchair wheels her way over to us. Seated barefoot, the slender woman looks to be about eighteen or nineteen years of age. She has sleepy brown eyes on a faintly pale face framed with beautiful straight brown hair. The first word I can think of to describe her is frail, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s actually fit for combat.

“I’m Combat Agent Six, your new commander.”

“Staff officer and medic, Alice.”

Grimm listens to our introductions with a bright, shining gaze.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you! My name is Grimm. I have so many questions for you! But let’s start with the most important one. Are you married, Commander? Got a girlfriend, maybe? I’m not currently seeing anyone, by the way. Can you believe it? A fine woman like me, still single.”

“In spite of my rugged good looks and charming personality, I’m still single, as well.”

“This is a military squadron, not a dating service! Fraternization within the same unit is strictly prohibited! Focus, Grimm!”

Snow works herself into a righteous frenzy, but Grimm appears unfazed by it. If anything, Grimm shifts from side to side in her chair, almost giddy.

…I suppose I should pick something combat-related to talk about. What do I ask first? Who or what the hell is Zenarith? Do you really need to be heading out to battlefields when you’re in a wheelchair? There’s a whole lot of questions that keep bubbling up, but the most important question comes first.

“Grimm, are you a magic user? If you are, could you tell me a bit about your abilities? I’m a novice when it comes to magic.”

Of course I’m going to ask about magic first. Especially since Grimm’s résumé lists something as creepy as curses in her Special Abilities section.

“Well, if you want to go into specifics, I’m not a magic user… Instead, as an archbishop, I serve as a conduit for the great Lord Zenarith. He uses me to manifest his blessings upon this world.”

A conduit for blessings? What the hell does that even mean?

“Uh…so just who or what is this great Lord Zenarith?”

“Lord Zenarith is the God of Undeath and Disaster. I, Grimm, am a humble servant and worshipper of the great Lord Zenarith.”

God of Undeath and Disaster…?

“…So…a dark god?”

“Blasphemy! Watch what you say, or Lord Zenarith might smite you!”

Ordinarily, I’d ask that she demonstrate, but the whole “curse” thing makes me a little nervous. I suppose I’ll see it in action soon enough on the battlefield.

… I don’t quite know what’s gotten into Grimm, but suddenly she shifts in her wheelchair, hugging her knees to her chest with a playful grin. Her long skirt lifts in response, and the hemline creeps up along her legs…

“…Tee-hee…hey, big boy. Are you interested in what’s going on down here? If you repent for your sin of calling Lord Zenarith a dark god, we can initiate you…and then maybe I’ll let you have a little peeEEEEEK!”

<Evil Points Acquired>

I lose patience with Grimm’s teasing and hike up her skirt.

I’m forced to reassess my opinion of Grimm as her panties come into full view—she’s wearing a black G-string. Far from being a frail, reserved beauty, it seems that Grimm has a rather naughty side.

“I had no intention of actually letting you look! You’d better take responsibility for this and put a ring on it! You’ll be supporting me for the rest of my life! I’m never letting you go!”

I take that back about her being naughty… Any way you slice it, this chick is crazy.

“Easy there, Lady Butt-Floss. You’re partly to blame for teasing Six like that.”

“Don’t call me Lady Butt-Floss! I only started wearing this underwear because Gothmopolitan Magazine said it would make it easy to get a boyfriend!”

The hell is Gothmopolitan? Some sort of dating magazine?

“If seeing panties was enough of a reason to marry a woman, I’d have my own harem by now! I’ll show you my underwear later, and that’ll make us even, Madame Butt-Floss?”

“Don’t you dare equate your dirty boxers with a maiden’s panties! And you’d better stop using that nickname, too!”

Snow lets out a deep sigh as she watches our exchange.

“Sigh…of course he’d choose the biggest potential headaches… Still, at least they’re useful in combat.”

I take another look through the résumés at Snow’s remarks. It’s not just the old man or bumbling mage or these two weirdos. Every single candidate has one problem or another. So this must mean…

“Well…anyway, I suppose we’ll just have to do our best as the cream of the reject crop. Any chance of us becoming friends is pretty much dead, but I’ll at least try to keep you alive.”

Snow wears a sullen look, turning her back to us and waving her hand dismissively…

…Hey, who the hell is she to call us rejects?

I mean, sure, we’ve got a thong bishop in a wheelchair, a perpetually hungry monster girl, along with a Combat Agent and android from an evil organization, but…

…Okay, yeah, we’re definitely a bunch of social rejects.

…Hey, wait a second.

“That means they thought you were a reject and sent you to join us, doesn’t it? Makes sense given your personality…”

Snow twitches and shoots us a look of pure venom.

“Wh-what are you going on about…?! Of course that’s not the case! I’m here to watch over you!”

“Hey, Six, not only did she get demoted, but Tillis decided to use the opportunity to get rid of her. Ha! Re-ject! Re-ject!”

“Ha-ha! R-re-ject!”

“Whoo-hoo! Serves you right!!”

Drawn in by Alice, even Rose and Grimm join into the taunts.

Snow clenches her jaw, squeezing her knuckles tightly enough that the color drains from them entirely.

“S-say what you will! You just need to listen to my orders! Under my command, we’ll produce results and I can get myself promoted out of this mess!”

Snow glares at us with a mixture of hurt and determination, likely due to her shattered pride as an elite soldier.

“Did you hear that, Six? She just admitted this unit is a mess! After all that talk about being assigned to us as a guardian.”

“Hey, you’re right. She finally admitted that she got demoted…which reminds me, why do we need to listen to Captain Demotion again? I’ve commanded units myself.”

The taunting from Alice and me has Captain Demotion at the end of her rope, and her brows rise in anger.

“Don’t call me Captain Demotion! You’ve never fought in this country before, so that’s why you listen to me. Just what the hell is up with your armor anyway?! There’s something…off about it. It’s black and evil looking…like something a low-ranking demon would wear, not a knight!”

“Watch it! My armor’s got nothing to do with it. I’ll admit the power armor looks a bit prickly, but I don’t have to put up with remarks like that from you!”

The power armor I’m wearing is an older model and heavy as hell, but it’s been my constant companion for years and saved my ass more times than I can count.

“I’ve had enough of you! Just the fact that our commander is some shady-eyed, scar-faced bastard from parts unknown…prone to strange antics, to boot…that’s enough of a stain on our reputation!”

“Wha—?! You little…”

Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, huh? I start going easy on her, and she decides it’s an invitation to walk all over me.

“What’s more, you look like an ignorant bumpkin! What kind of schooling did you even receive? I have a degree from the kingdom’s top university!”

“…Grrr.”

I didn’t go to college. Hell, I was so busy with my job as a Combat Agent that I never even finished high school!

“Do you get it now? Do you see why you should just shut up and listen to me? Swear you’ll listen to my orders, and I’ll at least make sure you’re not embarrassed on the battlefield!”

Oh, this little— …I’ll show her…!

“What’s with that look? Going to resort to violence now?! Fine! Ignore the fact that I’m a woman and give it your best shot! Assuming you have the balls! Well?! Come on now!”

You…!

“You biiiiiiitch!!”

Snow drops into a fighting stance at my yell. I approach the knight, poised and ready for an all-out brawl…and grab hold of her breasts. Yes, Snow’s ample bosom that swells out from the front of her uniform. The whole room goes silent, the rest of the squad just gaping. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the sheer look of incredulity that Snow wore as she stood there frozen in a fighting pose.

<Evil Points Acquired>

8

“Help! Someone help! This chick is crazy!”

“Who are you calling crazy?! If anyone’s messed up in the head, it’s you!”

This is a new experience for me. I’ve never had a woman chase me around like this before.

“Calm down! I told you I was sorry! I’ll apologize again if you want! Just put down that sword!”

“It’s way too late for apologies! I should’ve sliced you in half the moment I saw you!”

Okay, so when I say “chase me around,” in this case, I mean a wild-haired woman is chasing me around with a drawn sword and murder in her eyes.

“Drawing your sword in response to groping definitely makes you the crazy one!”

“A sane person doesn’t just grab a woman’s breasts without any context or warning, you lunatic!”

So…accidentally groping a woman’s breasts is a pretty common trope in manga. So, too, is getting chased around by an angry woman in response to an accidental grope. But…

“Can’t you at least blush while you’re chasing me? Or swing something less lethal?! There’s nothing pleasant about being chased by a raging berserker! Not even a little bit!!”

“Of course it’s unpleasant! I’m trying to kill you!”

“Someone, heeeeelp!”

What the hell? This is not the clichéd rom-com development I thought it would be.

I continue running through the halls of a castle, turning a corner and hoping against hope for some deliverance.

Wait…is that?

“Tillis! Just the person I wanted to see!”

I catch sight of Tillis walking in our direction.

“Why, Sir Six, what a pleasant surprise. I was just about to… Wh-what are you two doing? Is something the matter?”

“Can we talk about that later? I really could use your help right now.”

“Your Highness, I’ll be lopping off this bastard’s head. Please look away.”

Snow’s eyes glint with murderous intent as I tremble in fear behind Tillis. A woman of Snow’s age shouldn’t be mentioning lopping off heads so casually.

“I…I’m not quite sure what transpired between the two of you, but the use of deadly force within the castle will end with you shackled in the dungeon, Snow! Calm yourself, please!”

Curling her lips in a disappointed scowl, Snow lets out a frustrated grunt and sheathes her sword.

“…You better watch your back on tomorrow’s mission.”

Snow makes clear her intent to murder me tomorrow and storms off toward the barracks. She definitely missed her calling. Rather than being a knight for some Royal Guard, she’d fit in way better at the Kisaragi Corporation.

“Thanks, Tillis… I didn’t expect her to take getting groped that personally.”

“Sir Six…wh-what possessed you to do such a thing? Snow has no sense of humor. Unlike the noble-born members of the Royal Guard, she could never afford one. She rose from a life of poverty in the slums to her position as captain of the Royal Guard by way of honest effort. That’s why she seems so serious…”

Oh…I thought she was of noble birth, given her pride and arrogance…

“By the way, didn’t you mention you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yes. It was on the subject of a room for Alice.”

“Well, I guess this is fine. Thinking logistically, it’s better that we share a room anyway. Just don’t get any funny ideas because I’m pretty. I’m not equipped with any reproductive functions, so we couldn’t do anything even if we wanted to.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I wouldn’t lust after an android! How the hell did we get into this situation anyway?”

Due to our sudden hiring, they could only ready a single room for me and Alice to share. It made sense from the castle’s point of view; after all, we’d been traveling together for some time. Something I hadn’t thought about when coming up with our backstory.

“If you do get any urges, I’ll gladly leave you to your own devices for a bit. I’ll also make sure to knock and wait a few moments before opening the door.”

“Don’t put yourself out! I’m not some horny monkey!”

I glance around the room we’ve been given. Thankfully, they’ve prepared two beds for us. The furniture is rounded out by a simple table with chairs and a single chest of drawers. Aside from that…

“Check that out, Alice; there’s running water. And that’s not an oil lamp, is it? There’s no place to pour the fuel. There’s also something that looks like a cordless TV hanging on the wall. I thought we could just bring some technology over and be worshipped as gods by the primitive locals, but I guess we’ll have to scratch that plan.”

“Best not to underestimate this world’s technology level. That lamp and sort-of TV are probably powered by magic. Add the fact that they can create artificial Chimeras… And then those artifacts. The list of things to investigate is getting longer by the day.”

I spread out the items we’ve brought from Japan and let out a sigh of relief. At least it looks like we’ll be able to sustain ourselves here for the time being. I strip off my power armor and flop down on the bed.

“Say, Six. Snow made it clear that we’ll have a combat mission tomorrow, but don’t forget our main objective. We can support this kingdom so long as it helps us achieve our goals, but if things start to look bad, we should cut our losses and leave. Hiring us as knights, then lumping us in with the social rejects… I don’t know who came up with that, but it’s a decent bit of petty villainy. We shouldn’t underestimate them.”

Alice begins polishing the shotgun I bought her. She seems oddly fond of it now, making a habit of polishing it every chance she gets.

“I know, I know. But think about our audience with the king. They took my knife but left my handgun. That means guns aren’t common knowledge here. They called the busted tank an artifact… If they’re still mostly using swords and bows, then we have plenty of options. We’ve found ourselves some work and a place to live, so why don’t we go make a name for ourselves and establish a proper base of operations…?”