CHAPTER 2

It’s Usually the Boss’s Fault

1

We’re finally back at the base.

I take Heine, who’s been loafing around, out to the construction site for our future city.

“…I don’t know how else to say this, but you people really are several kinds of ridiculous…”

Seeing the Combat Agents busy themselves with work on infrastructure and buildings, Heine’s been in a state of mild shock ever since.

Thanks to the special materials, which are light, durable, and fireproof, the buildings are going up at a steady rate.

The various types of construction equipment scared her at first, but when she saw the countless pieces of heavy machinery working to move building materials, Heine could only stare with her mouth agape.

The Combat Agents looked smug upon witnessing Heine’s expression.

Yeah, I get it. This is the sort of reaction I’ve been dying to see, too.

Using Earth’s modern devices to completely redefine a primitive planet’s idea of technology.

That’s what I really wanted to use my Evil Points for.

My original plan was to be an exemplary Combat Agent and use them to summon some crazy-advanced weapons in the heat of battle, but I’d say blowing the locals’ minds with high-tech construction equipment is a close second.

“This is our true power. You guys are lucky the war ended before I showed off what I’m really capable of…”

Hearing me wax sentimental, Heine lets out a note of surprise.

“When we first met, it looked like you were struggling…”

“Okay, next, I’ll take you to the residential district. You really are in luck, having me, the boss, show you around. There’s nothing wrong with getting in my good graces while you can.”

After I completely ignore her comment, Heine shoots me a skeptical look.

“S-so should the boss really be spending all his time giving me a tour, then? Aren’t you busy? I don’t particularly mind if someone else…”

“Don’t be stupid. Look at the lascivious stares those men are directing your way. Think about the situation you’re in. They’re not bothering you because you’re tagging along with me, the strongest and most important one here. I’m doing you a favor!”

Overhearing our conversation, the working Combat Agents shoot me nasty glares.

“The hell, man?! Don’t fill the rookie’s head with lies!”

“You’re being put on guide duty because you can’t operate heavy machinery for shit! Besides, Alice is in charge around here, and Tiger Man is the strongest agent!”

The foulmouthed Combat Agents all pause their tasks just to yell at me.

“Considering the only thing you’re good for is fighting, you’re in no position to talk shit!”

“Oh, shut up! Who cares about a bunch of third-rate losers with double-digit designations?! I’ve served longer than all of you, so you damn well better respect me! Besides, I’m smarter than the lot of you combined, you dumbasses!”

With that, the lackeys’ expressions turn dark.

And then—

“Hey, looks like Six is hungry for an ass-kicking! He’s filling his squad with women like he’s trying to put together a harem or something!”

“All you’re good for is being Lady Astaroth’s arm candy! How about you get your ass back to Earth and suck up to the Supreme Leaders some more, huh?!”

“Useless asshole! Don’t act like you’re some big-shot senior agent just because you’ve been around a little longer!”

The bottom-feeders step away their heavy machinery, faces red with anger like they’re ready to pounce.

I crack my knuckles and get ready to show them why I’m the top dog around here.

“Oh yeah? Bring it on, chumps! I’ll knock some sense into all of ya!”

“Hey, stop that! Aren’t you guys supposed to be on the same side?! How can you go from friendly to fighting in the blink of an eye? You’re even more bloodthirsty than demons!”

Having shown the rank-and-file Combat Agents who’s boss, I’ve escorted Heine over to the residential district.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay…? They really did a number on you…”

“Meh, that sort of thing is just part of our daily routine. Also, saying they did a number on me makes it sound like I lost, so please phrase it differently.”

My recovery enhancements will have me healed up in no time, meaning their attacks didn’t do any lasting damage. So if you ask me, I didn’t lose.

But Heine looks shocked by my words and stares at me.

“They were taking turns beating on you, and I’m pretty sure I heard you apologizing. I don’t think you can spin that into anything other than a loss…”

“Nah, I was just pretending to surrender. Like a tactical retreat or whatever. So long as I make sure to hunt them down and ambush them one by one later, I’ll still be the winner.”

For some reason, Heine shrinks away after hearing my brilliant plan.

I then lead the troubled Heine to the dorms built in the residential district, open the door, and—

“This is where you’ll be living… Oh hey, it’s the Demon Lord.”

—on the first floor of the dorms, we run into Viper buried in paperwork in the corner of the lobby.

2

Previously, at the Demon Lord’s Castle’s underground facilities.

Hearing Viper’s request to be executed, Heine drops her gaze inside her cell.

“Um… What’re you talking about? Aren’t you technically the Demon Lord right now? You’re a really important person. I’m pretty sure the demons are gonna be in a bind if you suddenly kick the bucket.”

Seeing I’m clearly not a fan of her death wish, Viper gives me a gentle smile as if to reassure me that she’s not simply being self-destructive.

“I have already ordered Camille, my lady-in-waiting, to take the demons to the allied kingdom of Toris. Our alliance negotiations had included terms of that sort… However, in the event that they’re denied entry by Toris, I do have one request.”

Viper, looking every bit the ruler, fixes her gaze on me.

“I’m told by our scouts that you’re currently settling the Cursed Forest and building a city there. Perhaps you could use laborers? I know it’s presumptuous of me to ask, but the soil in the demon territory can no longer grow crops, and we’re now out of water. If you can guarantee them the minimum amount of safety, I have no doubt they’ll be happy to live and work in your city.”

Alice and I exchange looks at the unexpected proposal.

“<What do we do, Alice? She’s offering to give us the residents of her country. But isn’t the whole point of invading and settling this planet to make room for people from Earth to live here?>”

“<We won’t be migrating anyone from Earth until we’ve done more surveying. We haven’t researched yet all the planet’s viruses. It would be less than ideal if we moved people here only to have them die from some mystery ailment… Still, we should be the most hated enemy for the Demon Lord’s Army. We killed their previous Demon Lord, after all. I’m not sure why they’d even wanna come work for us.>”

Viper probably realized we’re using our own language to communicate after listening to several of our conversations in Japanese.

She shows no sign of unease, waiting with a serious expression until our discussion is over.

“I gotta ask you something, Ms. Demon Lord. Why us instead of the kingdom of Grace? I mean, we’re the ones who…you know…offed the last Demon Lord. And we’re an evil organization, so…”

“Concerning my father, I don’t believe it was a matter in which you had any choice. After all, we were the ones who started the invasion, so we have no right to complain. As for why I’d like my people to be settled in your city, Mr. Six, well… I’ve heard beastfolk are treated quite well in your organization. Orcs are treated as livestock in Grace, so I believe your city would be a better choice…”

Beastfolk? What’s she talking about? I don’t think Rose counts as “beastfolk” or whatever.

…Oh! I guess she means people like Tiger Man!

Well, I suppose he looks closer to a demon than a human, but he’s just a mutant who was made through surgical enhancement. He’s technically not a beast man.

“…What do you think, Alice? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

I mean, I’ve heard there are quite a few attractive races among the demons like succubi and vampires.

Yep, I remember what Heine said way back when.

I haven’t forgotten what she offered me that time she tried to recruit me into the Demon Lord’s Army.

“No objections on my part. We’re short on labor at the moment. Besides, we came here to negotiate at an advantage. An unconditional surrender is way better than we bargained for. That just leaves the question of reparations for the Grace Kingdom…”

Viper looks a bit reassured at the exchange between Alice and me.

“I’m afraid this castle now only has a small quantity of treasure, as well as the mystery facilities. I’m quite certain that’s not enough to serve as reparations. Instead, as Demon Lord, I’ll offer my life and body as recompense.”

Well, her life is one thing, but her body…

Wait, no, that’s not the important thing right now.

“As mentioned earlier, my public execution will no doubt help quell the rage of the victims. Of course, I understand it’s not enough. As for the rest, it may be depleted, but they may have the entirety of the demon territory. So please… Can you please save my people…?”

She looks straight at us with an expression prepared to face even death.

Oh no, she’s serious.

I’ve gotten so used to dealing with unserious people on a daily basis that I can’t help but be put on the back foot dealing with someone this sincere.

I mean, Snow’s gone quiet, intimidated by Viper’s commitment.

As for Rose… Dammit, I don’t know what the hell she’s thinking, but she’s taking a nap in the room she wandered into.

Why the hell is she sleeping in enemy territory? I don’t understand what’s going on!

And just as I start to panic…

…Heine raises her voice from inside her cell in Viper’s defense.

“Okay, I get it! If that’s not enough, you can do whatever you want with me, too! So please…”

“Well said! Given how many times we’ve fought, I just don’t feel that guilty about doing things to you for some reason, Heine.”

Right as I give an immediate answer to Heine’s exclamation, I see the color drain from her face.

“H-hang on, Six. I mean, we’ve known each other a while… C’mon, you know I had to say that as a member of the Elite Four. It’d be a problem otherwise…”

…Just then, Alice starts nodding intently and speaks up.

“As expected of the boss of an industry rival. Self-destructing is one of evil’s most coveted exit strategies, after all. Well said.”

Alice is bubbling with glee. Why is she impressed by Viper’s statement? And, um, I don’t think this is quite the same as self-destructing.

“For now, we’ll figure out what to do with you after we take you back to our hideout. We’ll take temporary custody of you and Heine. Leave the negotiations with the kingdom of Grace to me. If you’re moving to our city, at the very least, I’ll guarantee the lives of your people.”

Hearing Alice’s confident statement, Viper lets out a sigh of relief.

She looks as though a great weight has just been lifted off her shoulders.

Alice spends a while studying Viper’s reaction.

“…And welcome to the Kisaragi Corporation. It might be a short stint, but try to enjoy yourself. We’re always happy to add a high-level evildoer like a Demon Lord to our ranks.”

With that, she smiles cheerfully at Viper.

3

After yesterday’s exchange, we returned to the buggy, where Grimm, seemingly incapable of unlocking a car door, was tearfully pounding on the windows.

We got back to the hideout with Grimm complaining all the way, first about waking up in some random place, then about the fact that there’s more women all of a sudden, but anyway—

“Hey, Demon Lord, what are you up to this morning?”

As I approach her with Heine in tow, Viper looks up from her pile of paperwork.

“Good morning, Mr. Six. When I asked Ms. Alice if there was anything I could do while waiting to learn my fate, she gave me all this…”

…Wait, so she voluntarily looked for work because she had nothing to do?

We’re currently discussing Viper’s fate with the kingdom of Grace.

For the kingdom’s part, they can’t just pin all the blame on the deceased previous Demon Lord and let bygones be bygones.

In the worst-case scenario, they might just demand Viper’s life as payment. I don’t really think she needs to be looking for work to do under these circumstances, but I guess she’s a diligent girl at heart.

I glance over at the stack of papers to see what she’s doing, but because they’re in this planet’s language, I can’t make heads or tails of it.

“What’re you working on?”

“Oh, this concerns the allocation of materials to the construction site and where to assign laborers, along with the schedule and—”

I hold up a hand and cut off Viper mid-sentence.

“I got it. If there’s something you don’t understand, make sure you ask for help.”

I say this with the air of a dependable superior, and in response, Viper picks up a sheet from the stack.

“Oh… In that case, I wanted to ask about this subject…”

“Sorry, Demon Lord, I’m a little busy right now. Ask someone else.”

“Y-you’re such a…”

…As Heine directs an exasperated gaze in my direction, Viper, having put the document back, asks a bit shyly:

“Um… Mr. Six, since I’ve surrendered to the Grace Kingdom, I’m no longer the Demon Lord. So…if you could please call me by my name…”

Viper then looks up at me, but I can’t help but notice Heine glaring daggers at me.

“You do know she’s my leader as well as the former Demon Lord, right? Don’t you dare disrespect her…,” says Heine in a threatening whisper. I guess embarrassing nicknames are out…

“All right, then ‘Vi’ it is!”

“That’s it, I’m kicking your ass!”

While Heine breathes fire, for her part, Viper smiles gently as though to say she doesn’t mind.

“Lady Viper, you may be a prisoner, but you’re still allowed to get mad, you know. If you don’t, he’ll just keep trying to push his luck.”

“I truly don’t mind how I’m addressed. But let’s move on for now. Heine, have you been given a job?”

In sharp contrast to the short-tempered Heine, Viper smiles rather serenely.

“So, Vi, the thing is…Alice had her try a whole bunch of stuff, but it turns out all she’s good at is fighting…”

“H-hey…! It’s not like you can do anything other than fight, either! L-let me explain, Lady Viper. I tried to help with the construction, but their tools are weird and…”

As Heine desperately tries to explain…

…Squeak…squeak… The sounds of a moving wheelchair filter into the room.

Eventually, the front door to the dorms cracks open, and a pair of eyes eerily peer in…

What is this, a horror movie?

“Hey, Grimm, come in already. You’re creeping me out. If you stay over there, I’m gonna throw salt and try to exorcise you.”

Suddenly, the door flies open to reveal a cranky-looking Grimm. I guess she really didn’t want salt in her eyes.

“…You seem to be enjoying yourself, hanging out with a former enemy and some girl you met just yesterday. Sigh, Commander, you’re always so forgiving when it comes to women…”

Grimm’s being her usual needy self, wheeling herself near Heine and shooting her a venomous grin.

“It’s been a while, Heine of the Flames, pillar of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four. To think that you, our former foe, would end up as the commander’s concubine…”

“Now wait just a minute! You take that back…”

A vein on Heine’s forehead twitches at the comment, and Grimm backs away, clearly intimidated.

…But the moment she notices Heine isn’t in possession of a sorcerer stone, she takes an aggressive stance.

“Oh, hush. With your abilities stripped away, you’re nothing to be afraid of! I can’t believe you took advantage of the fact that I was stuck inside the buggy to seduce the commander! Have some shame, you home-wrecker!”

“I honestly didn’t expect anyone to call me a home-wrecker…! I didn’t seduce him or steal him away! I was forced into being his slave!”

Ignoring the dramatization of Angry Wife versus Jealous Mistress, I call over to Viper.

“Vi, Vi, it’s loud in here with those two arguing! Let’s go play outside.”

“Huh…? B-but…I have a lot of paperwork to do…”

Ordinarily, she shouldn’t have to do anything until a decision has been made regarding her fate, but I guess she’s conscientious to a fault. She’s oddly reluctant to abandon her work.

“Hold on! Commander, I just heard you call her Vi! When did you two get so close?!”

“I agree with this gloomy curse-woman! Stop calling her Vi!”

As Viper responds with a forced smile, Grimm puffs out her cheeks.

“I mean, I’ve known you longer! I deserve a pet name, too!”

“…Okay, that’s asking for too much. You’re a little too old for that.”

Grimm takes out a doll and readies a curse, so I grab Heine and hold her in front of me as a shield.

“Hey, quit it! If you’re going to bicker, do it outside! Why do I have to get dragged into this?!”

The fact that I grab Heine tighter to keep her from escaping sends Grimm into an absolute frenzy.

“How dare you flirt in front of me, you home-wrecker!”

“How the hell does this register as flirting to you?! Is something wrong with your head?!”

Just then.

“Um, Ms. Grimm…was it? I apologize on Heine’s behalf. If you’re going to curse someone, please curse me. I’ll endure any curse intended for her.”

“Er…”

Ever the martyr, Viper steps in front of Heine to shield her.

Grimm lets out a yelp of surprise, while Viper deeply bows her head.

“I understand. You need not explain your motives. I know you have reasons to hate Heine for killing many of the Grace Kingdom’s soldiers. That is why you’ve been picking a fight with her, is it not? Please use me to take your revenge for the fallen.”

“Lady Viper, I doubt this witch is thinking that deeply about this. Her reasons aren’t that noble.”

Viper’s earnest plea succeeds in making Grimm uncomfortable.

“Commander, isn’t this girl the Demon Lord? This is starting to make me feel like the bad one.”

“Since you’re the one picking fights at random, I’m pretty sure that does make you the bad one.”

Shocked by my statement, Grimm takes a moment to collect herself before giving Viper a warm smile.

“I did come here to pay you back for all my comrades who fell on the battlefield, but I’m over that now. Rankis, who always seemed to stare intently at me as I napped in the middle of the training grounds… Oz, who seemed to have a thing for me and would always kindly push my wheelchair away, telling me I was getting in the way of training… Jed, who eagerly pounced on our fateful meeting by accidentally stepping on a handkerchief I’d dropped and then came sobbing to me begging not to be cursed and promising he would wash it… Heh, the men who I could have had futures with all died before me…”

“Y-you have my sincere…”

“Look, you gotta stop claiming any man who looks your way is interested in you. It’s becoming a problem. Just think about how embarrassing it is for me walking next to you.”

After I interrupt Viper’s attempt to apologize for Grimm’s monologue, Heine chimes in.

“So, um, is everyone in your squad like this? I took you guys pretty seriously when we fought. This just makes me feel stupid for considering you my rival…”

H-hey, at the very least, I was taking the fighting seriously, too…!

The clock strikes ten AM.

Grimm declared she was going to nap until evening, and Heine and I sat watching over Viper as she did paperwork. A short while later, Alice wandered in carrying a big stack of papers.

“…Here’s some more work for you, Viper. And what’re you two up to?”

“As the head of this hideout, I’ve been keeping an eye on Vi.”

“I’m making sure Six doesn’t do anything weird to Lady Viper.”

“So you were getting in her way. Look, unlike you two, Viper is good at her job. Here, you can have the game console Lady Lilith left behind. Go play with it over there, Six.”

I take the handheld console from Alice and plop down on a sofa.

“Ha, getting yelled at by a brat! If you want to avoid that in the future, stop bugging Lady Viper! Unlike you and I, Lady Viper’s received the highest-quality education to be worthy of the throne. Which is why she’s perfectly capable of governing a city!”

Heine puffs out her chest as though Viper’s accomplishments are her own, and Alice retorts:

“Don’t think you’re not part of the problem, either. Now come with me. I’ve figured out your new workplace.”

Heine insults me as she looks back and forth between Viper and me.

“Huh?! W-wait, I want to be with Lady Viper…! It’s really risky to leave her alone with this bastard!”

“I’m a proper gentleman. I have enough restraint to delicately toe the line with people who really want me to leave them alone.”

“The whole point is that you shouldn’t be doing anything at all! So, Alice, what’s my job going to be? Is helping Lady Viper not good enough?!”

Reluctant to leave us, Heine keeps the complaints coming.

“Oh, relax. You’ll be working in a comfortable, welcoming environment and doing important work that makes use of your talents.”

“What do you mean, my ‘talents’?! Are you going to make me do perverted things similar to what Six is constantly subjecting me to?! Am I cursed to wind up in those situations whenever I run into you guys?!”

As Heine whines with tears in her eyes, I grow increasingly curious about where she’s going to be assigned.

“Well, if you’d prefer that sort of work, I guess we can make that happen. But our Combat Agents are all talk and no action. They don’t have the balls to follow through on anything they say to the women they harass. Besides, in our company, we may be lenient with untoward advances to a certain extent, but actual sexual assault is subject to punishment.”

“R-really?! You’re serious?! I can really trust you, right?”

As if gaining a measure of hope from Alice’s words, Heine asks for confirmation again and again.

This is Alice we’re talking about. I’m almost positive she found a better use for Heine than base perversions.

As the loud one is led away by Alice, the only sound left in the dorm lobby is that of Viper turning pages and running her pen over paper.

I turn on the game console so I can focus on that instead of interrupting Viper’s work.

“No, you’ve already gone down this hallway! It’s a dead end! Oh, oh, there’s a monster following you from behind!”

“But this is the only hallway left! You sure there wasn’t a puzzle on the way here?! Dammit, the monster’s in the way!”

The game Lilith had been playing is pretty hard, and because I’ve died so many times, it didn’t take long for me to ask Viper for help…

“Mr. Six, I caught a glimpse of a red button next to one of the torches!”

Peering into the small screen from next to me, Viper points at the torch in question.

“Oh, you’re right! Good work, Vi! …Dammit…! Hey, that killed me! This was a switch to a trap door! What now, Vi, what now?!”

“S-s-sorry, I’m so sorry! That’s my fault; I’ll take full responsibility!”

Vi’s expression takes on a look of extreme concern over the fact that I died in a game.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Vi. We only got this far because we worked together. I won’t force you to take responsibility for a little mistake like this…”

“Mr. Six… Yes, you’re right! Let’s focus on getting past this point for now!”

During our exchange, the main character respawns, depleting one of his lives in the process.

Viper and I start over, determined to get through this section…

“…Hey, I hate to interrupt you two while you seem to be having so much fun, but once you’ve made a little more progress, I need you to get back to work.”

Here comes Alice’s voice, sounding as annoyed as ever.

I don’t know when she sneaked in, but the android’s back with a brand-new stack of papers.

“……Er!”

Viper suddenly turns beet-red and covers her face with both hands. I guess she’s embarrassed for getting too absorbed in the game.

“Vi, you can’t pretend nothing happened just by hiding your face, Vi. So let’s just get through this level, Vi.”

Despite the fact that we’re pretty close to getting past this level, she no longer says a peep and isn’t much help anymore.

Guess I’ll have to finish this on my own!

4

It’s been several days since Heine and Viper arrived at the hideout.

Seems Viper’s really good at crunching through paperwork, to the point where Alice has given her an office, and she’s busy at work there today.

“Vi, I’ve got a puzzle here. ‘A fire above, a flood below. Speak my name, and thou shalt pass.’ What do you think that means?”

As for me, I’m sprawled out on the couch, struggling to figure out a riddle in a game.

I really did attempt to clear it on my own, but it’s important to know when to accept your limitations and cut your losses.

Scratching her pen across the paperwork, Viper raises her gaze after a moment.

“Perhaps it’s the Flaming Sea Monster, the Balubalu Hydra, that’s said to live on an island nation to the far west. It’s a giant monster that has a brightly burning crest, and I’m told that, in order to keep its body temperature in check, it’s always got its lower body soaking in the ocean.”

“You sure are smart, Vi.”

In the game’s text box, I enter Flaming Sea Monster Balubalu Hydra.

“God’s wrath upon the fool who answered incorrectly!”

Inside the game screen, accompanied by those words, a horde of monsters attack the main character.

“Vi! Vi!”

“My apologies! It seems I was wrong! Then the alternative is the Inferno-Frost Divinity, Magmarion. It’s a demigod worshipped by a certain tribe, said to manipulate burning magma and freeze everything it touches with its frost breath.”

As I input the answer as told, the screen fills with monsters.

“To the fool who answered incorrectly multiple times, begone!”

“Looks like that’s wrong, too, Vi!”

The main character becomes monster food, and I’m shown the game over screen.

“My apologies! I’m sorry, very sorry! I’ll pay for this with my body…”

“You need to stop offering your body at the drop of a hat, Vi! I’m a guy, y’know! It’s getting harder and harder to resist!”

Just then.

A knock on the office door, followed by Rose making an appearance.

“Boss, you here? Ms. Alice told me to come play with you just in case you were bugging Ms. Viper.”

“Oh? I’m not bugging her. I’m just having her help with the puzzles that sometimes show up in this game.”

“I think that counts as bugging.”

As Rose hops onto the open spot on my couch, she starts munching on the snacks in the office.

It’s the moment Alice’s plans fail and the number of useless anchors in the room doubles.

“Aren’t you supposed to be here to play with me? Why are you munching on snacks, then?”

“I don’t understand the reason, but I find being in the same room with Ms. Viper really soothing. It’s like it helps me relax and calms me down enough make me sleepy.”

It’s not really a reason to toss aside her work and start eating snacks, but now that I think of it, she was napping in the Demon Lord’s Castle, too.

From what I hear, the room Rose was napping in was the same one where the last Demon Lord often lost himself in his research.

I wonder if that means she’s got some sort of connection to demons of the Demon Lord bloodline…

“Why are you staring so intently at my face, Boss? I’m not giving you any of these snacks. Ms. Alice is strict in limiting me to one bag a day.”

Nah, I can’t imagine this airheaded Chimera’s got anything to do with Demon Lords.

“You know, I didn’t really want any, but after hearing you say that, I wanna take ’em from you. C’mon, hand over the snacks! Resistance is futile!”

“What, are we fighting? You know I don’t back down when it comes to food. Maybe it’s because I’ve been eating lots of mokemokes in the woods lately, but I feel like I can smash rocks with my fingers when I hold them out like scissors.”

After carefully placing the snacks on the couch, Rose makes scissors with her index and middle fingers, waving her hand at me threateningly.

I guess the fact that we haven’t done much fighting lately means this rookie’s getting a little cocky.

“You’re on. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Last time we fought was in the desert. I held back that time before things got too nasty, but I’m not showing any mercy this time. We’re going all the way.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. Let’s not do this. You can have some of my snacks. I just have a really bad feeling about this… I mean, not to ask this again, but what exactly did you do to me back then?”

“I would appreciate it if you could do whatever you’re talking about outside. It would let me focus on my task…”

As Viper chimes in apologetically, Rose and I agree to a truce to avoid interrupting her work any further. Instead, we sit on the couch eating snacks.

Seeing us sitting side by side and eating, Viper chuckles softly.

“When you’re like that, you two look like siblings.”

Rose and I exchange glances at Viper’s remark.

“I’d prefer a cute, girlie little sister who regularly comes to me to get doted on.”

“And I’d prefer a big brother who spoils me and gives me snacks every day.”

Right as I think Rose and I are about to go at it again, I realize something.

“Hey, you’ve been here a while now, Vi, but I haven’t heard any updates regarding the negotiations with the kingdom of Grace. They sure are taking their sweet time…”

I’ve left all the negotiations to Alice, but it seems she’s struggling against the scheming Princess Tillis.

Rose interjects with her mouth full of food.

“Yew hafn’t feard? …Gulp. Princess Tillis is showing a little reluctance over the fact that we want to let demons, the longtime enemy of humankind, settle just outside the kingdom.”

I guess from a Japanese-ish point of view, I feel like the decent thing to do would be to give the poor refugees a place to settle. Having been involved in this war for a while, though, I can understand Tillis’s perspective, too.

This war’s been going on for way too long.

Because so many men have died in battle, female soldiers are a common sight these days. That gives you some sense of just how deep the rift is between both sides.

With each nation having committed to a fight to the finish, having us suddenly show up and announce, We’re taking in the enemy, so let’s play nice, isn’t going to be acceptable to most.

I mean, this kingdom’s people were so desperate, they were clinging to a prophecy that a Chosen One would arise and defeat the Demon Lord.

As for the demons, with their lands turned into desert, having Lilith take out that giant lizard and open up the Great Woods for settlement is a huge stroke of luck.

But given that the Demon Lord’s Army used up most of its money and can’t pay much in reparations, it’s hardly worth celebrating for the kingdom of Grace.

“Yeah, I can understand not wanting to suddenly be all buddy-buddy with a longtime enemy… I guess the best solution is for the Demon Lord’s Army’s ally nation, Toris, to let them settle there.

“I can understand why the demons had to go to war, though, given all the land they lost. I mean, I don’t think I’d be able to resist, either, if there wasn’t any food.”

It’s weirdly convincing when Rose is the one saying it, given she tried to eat me when she was hungry.

Just then—

“All Combat Agents assemble in front of the hideout. Don’t forget your weapons. We’re under attack by a giant monster. Get your asses out there ASAP!”

—an extremely tense announcement from Alice from the hideout’s PA.

The sudden interruption causes Rose to choke on her snacks as I jump out of the office. I stop by my room to grab my R-Buzzsaw and exit the base.

5

There’s a giant mole outside.

“Wh-what the hell is this…?!”

Even though I can’t contain my surprise, I’ve actually seen this thing before.

It’s the Sand King, the giant mole we ran into in the desert.

Nearby, Combat Agents have already climbed into the heavy equipment and started grappling with the Sand King.

“Ah, there you are, Six. I see you’ve got your R-Buzzsaw. Good, go ahead and try that. The others are using guns, but nothing seems to work on this thing.”

Alice noticed me from one of the construction machines and gave me an order, but I’d rather not approach it on foot.

“Alice, get off that thing and hop in the Destroyer! The repairs are done, right?! It could handle that mole, I bet!”

“Mr. Destroyer is still having a break at the power plant. He has a voracious appetite and hasn’t consumed his fill. And although he can run on either jet fuel or electricity, the former costs way too many points. Since he used up so much energy clearing away the woods, I’m recharging him right now.”

But this is the sort of situation where Mr. Destroyer is the most needed!

As everyone surrounds the Sand King, it twitches its nose and stands up on its hind legs.

I always knew it was big, but seeing it looming in front of me is a wholly different experience altogether.

I’m pretty sure this thing’s gonna stomp me flat if I get too close.

Just as I wilt a bit under its gaze—

“RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!”

—I hear a familiar roar echo from deep in the woods.

The great mutant Pedo Man—er, Tiger Man, one of Kisaragi’s finest, is dashing this way.

The sound of his intimidating roar draws even the Sand King’s attention.

Oh yeah. I remember Tiger Man mentioning something about being attacked by the Sand King last time. I wonder how he got away from this mole.

Well, we can come back to that later…

“Whoo, go get ’em, Mr. Tiger Man, sir! A mere Combat Agent like me can’t hope to match a mutant in strength, so I’ll provide cover fire from the corner!”

“Given that fighting’s just about the only thing you do well, you’rrre coming with meow!”

Rushing into the hideout, Tiger Man lets out a loud growl to ward off the Sand King.

Is it just my imagination, or is the Sand King’s attention completely focused on him?

“You ran away from it last time, right, Tiger Man? The mole seems awfully interested in you.”

“I punched it with my full mewtant powerrr last time, so it’s probably being cautious.”

Wow, I’m impressed. That’s insane.

I can’t believe he ran up to a monster that big and just punched it.

“We’ve got a ton of people in heavy machinery this time, so let’s leave it to them. It doesn’t look like guns are having any effect.”

I don’t think I can manage something that dangerous, so I might as well make the others do the work here.

“Okay, well, you and me are gonna drrraw its attention. The moment it comes this way, the constrrruction equipment’ll pin it down.”

“Seriously?!”

Goddammit, I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

As Tiger Man and I inch toward the Sand King from the front, it suddenly starts moving its jaws.

I have a bad feeling about this, so I immediately leap to the side.

With a loud whooshing noise, the Sand King spits something out.

A split second after I’ve moved, a rock the size of a human head whizzes past the spot I’d just been occupying.

H-hold up! That was big enough to take my whole head off!

“Tiger Man, that thing’s using ranged attacks!”

“Our guns don’t worrrk. And as you just saw, it can attack from a distance. That’ve means we’ve got no choice but to beat it with brrrute force.”

The Sand King twitches its nose while we yell at each other.

Oh yeah, I seem to recall Alice saying something about this when we ran into the Sand King last time.

Moles are real sensitive to sound and smell because of their bad eyesight.

“Tiger Man, since I can’t use Evil Points, there’s something I’d like you to order.”

“…Supprrression Weapon Type B? Oh, because moles have good noses. Okay, leave it to meow.”

As the Sand King prepares for another ranged attack, one of the agents in the construction equipment rushes its flank.

The others take the opportunity to charge in as well.

“Six, here’s the suppression weapon! My claws aren’t any good for thrrrrowing, so you have to do it!”

“Whoo-hoo, take this! Graaaaah!”

I throw the suppression weapon, aka the Enhanced Tear Gas Grenade, and perfectly nail the Sand King right on the nose.

The pain of the impact and the release of the noxious gases seem unbearable, and—

“Gaaaaaah! Six, what the hell are you doing?!”

“You moron! Try to restrain it!”

“The buildings! It’s gonna wreck the buildings we’re working on!”

—the Sand King, reacting violently to the strong smell, throws off the construction equipment holding it down and rolls around in agony, crushing the nearby buildings.

“Those with extra Evil Points, request whaling harpoons! Fire them into that thing and anchor the lines to something heavy!”

The whaling harpoons have reinforced rope attached to one end for easy recall.

Alice senses that subjugating the target with construction equipment isn’t very feasible, but it continues to howl in rage…

The Sand King then jumps into the hole it dug, before kicking up dirt behind it to seal the entrance.

6

After the Sand King vanishes, Rose and Viper come rushing out of the office.

“Are you okay, Boss? What just hit us?!”

“You’re a bit late, Rose! It was a mole! That Sand King thing attacked us!”

The pair gasp at the giant hole in the residential area.

“Please excuse my lateness, Mr. Six. Ms. Rose was choking on her snacks, and she almost died…”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Vi. You’re a guest. It’s okay for you to stay somewhere safe… But as for you… You’re a Combat Agent. How is it those of us who fought are unharmed, but you were having a brush with death?”

“Well, I learned something new today! Snacks dry out your mouth, so if you try to cram them all down, you can choke!”

Well, at least Rose has leveled up from total dimwit to slightly-less-of-a-dimwit. The Combat Agents who had their equipment blown back by the explosive approach me angrily.

“Hey, moron, what the hell were you thinking tossing a Type B grenade at something that big?!”

“All that talk about being a veteran, and this idiot just gets in the way.”

“You listening to us, dumbass? See all those wrecked buildings? That’s your fault! Go fix ’em!”

“Hey, lay off! Don’t call someone stupid when you’re plenty stupid yourself! Rose, you were late to the fight, so you better help me! Let’s get this cleanup over with!”

“A-all right! I’m sorry we were late!”

After that, Rose and I get to work. Viper helps out, too, for some reason.

“What are you doing, Vi? I said Rose and I would handle this. You can go back to your room. Besides, all the bastards out here (besides me) are creeps. This really isn’t the safest place for you.”

““““Oh yeah?!””””

As the creeps all fly into a rage, Viper shakes her head.

“It’s quite all right. I’ve finished my paperwork, so please let me help. And are you sure you’re all unhurt? Despite appearances, I can use some basic healing magic, so please tell me even if it’s a small injury.”

““““Magic!””””

The creeps all forget their anger thanks to the promise of witnessing real magic.

“What the hell, guys? You’ve seen plenty of magic during your fights with the Demon Lord’s Army, haven’t you? …Sigh, this is why having new recruits on the job is such a pain in the ass. They gawk at every little thi—Ow!”

As I’m standing there bragging about my familiarity with magic to the scumbags, one of them smacks me.

“Ms. Viper, was it? Can you please demonstrate your magic by healing this moron?”

“Oh, how convenient… You want her to heal the cheek you just smacked? You’re not implying that I’m a moron and that she should fix my brain, right?”

Just as I’m picking a fight, Viper gently places her palm against my cheek and chants her spell.

“In the name of the Goddess of Time, restore thy body to good health!”

With that, my cheek, which reddened from the impact, heals as though being restored to a previous state of existence.

““““Woooooow!””””

As the agents hoot and holler at Viper’s magic, the antithetical android pays us a visit.

“That’s not magic; it’s just super advanced technology. You can fool these idiots, but you can’t fool my crystal-lens eyes.”

“You’re usually dependable, but right now, your eyes are made of glass.”

Alice, who still steadfastly refuses to believe in magic, says:

“Yo, Six, smack one of the Combat Agents.”

“OW! Six, you son of a—! …Huh?”

As I smack the Combat Agent who hit me earlier, Alice presses her hand to his swollen cheek.

“Even knowing she’s an android, it’s nice to have a girl touch your cheek… Ow, ow, ow, ow! Alice, what are you doing?!”

Having held the agent in place by grabbing his face, Alice stabs his cheek with a syringe.

Shortly thereafter, the wound rapidly begins healing.

“I injected some healing nanobots. See? The power of science can do the same thing.”

“Don’t make me a guinea pig to compete against the supernatural!”

While that agent starts a shoving match with Alice, the others ignore them and turn to Viper.

“Ms. Viper, you mentioned something about the Goddess of Time, but does that mean your healing works by reversing time? Does that mean you can fix broken things? If so, can you fix my figurine that Six broke?”

“Can you fix tech, too? If so, then please fix the game console in the rec room that Six broke after he got upset the other day…”

As the agents all make their requests, Tiger Man, who has shown no interest in magic until that moment and has been happily helping Rose, stops in his tracks.

With a deathly serious expression, he asks:

“Ms. Viper. Can you use that magic to restore my body to that of a child’s?”

“I-I’m sorry… With my sorcerer stone, the most I can do is restore a small part of someone’s body to how it was a short time ago…”

The request seemed to be so important to Tiger Man that he’d even forgotten to purr while saying it. And after hearing her answer, he simply muttered, “I see,” and stared off into the distance.

“Sorry about all this, Vi. See what I mean about them being creeps? Don’t worry about helping out here. Go back inside. You’re surrounded by mindless beasts. They might try something.”

At my words, the agents clench their jaws in anger, but Viper hurriedly shakes her head.

“No, actually…I had something I wanted to ask you. I heard the Sand King appeared, but does that mean you defeated the master of the Great Woods, the Forest King?”

…What was the Forest King again?

The name sounds familiar, but did we defeat something like that?

Just then, one of the agents speaks up.

“I think she’s talking about the crazy-huge mechanical lizard Lady Lilith killed the other day. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was called.”

Oh, right, the thing that was protecting the mystery facility. Yeah, I remember that.

“I see. I understand now… When you began settling the woods, I thought you had come up with a way to compete with the Forest King, but to have killed it… Oh dear, this may be an issue…”

Viper appears to be lost in thought, muttering softly to herself.

But it doesn’t sound like something we can ignore.

“Um, Vi, what did that lizard have to do with anything? Should we not have killed it?”

“N-no, well, not exactly…”

Viper hesitates as though the answer is difficult to get out, but her expression says this isn’t something she can avoid talking about.

“I believe the Sand King appeared here because the Forest King is dead.”

……

“The Forest King and the Sand King have been rivals for as long as anyone can remember. They each fight for territory. Eventually, the Forest King settled in the Great Woods near the Grace Kingdom. And the Sand King made the demon territory its domain.”

The agents all go silent at Viper’s words.

If she’s right, there’s something I gotta ask her.

“So, Vi, now that the Forest King’s gone, do you think that mole’s gonna come back here? …Maybe even attack the kingdom of Grace, too?”

“I-I’m afraid so…”

…Rose efficiently cleans up the debris while Tiger Man helps. He also directs an affectionate gaze her way.

The only sounds that can be heard are coming from the people helping with cleanup. Alice, who has somehow managed to restrain the agent she’s been fighting, then quips:

“Yo, Six, time for a report. Make sure Lady Astaroth and Lady Belial get all the juicy details. Don’t forget to put in a punishment request from everyone present.”

[Status Report]

Dear Supreme Leaders,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Lady Lilith, who already caused plenty of problems while here, has retroactively done it again. Please tie her up one more time.

It’s been revealed that the reason Tiger Man’s unit was attacked by the giant mole, also known as the “Sand King,” was because of Lady Lilith.

She killed the “Forest King,” a giant lizard, without putting any serious thought into it, and now the power balance between the two great monsters has collapsed.

It appears, at this rate, there’s a high probability the Sand King will also attack the kingdom of Grace.

In fact, the Sand King attacked our hideout just the other day.

Because the situation is so desperate, we’ve put a temporary hold on the negotiations between the demons and the kingdom. We’ve also paused our investigation into Rose’s origins. We are now pouring all our effort into defeating the Sand King.

As such, all the Combat Agents and mutants assigned to this world request some sort of punishment upon Lady Lilith for leaving us in this situation.

—P.S. Please inform her that if she feels even a shred of guilt, she should send us more portable console games.

Reporting Agent:

Combat Agent Six