Final Chapter: A Celebration of Villainy
FINAL CHAPTER
A Celebration of Villainy
1
Sitting in the wastelands near the hideout, Mr. Destroyer is extremely conspicuous.
This is where we plan to fight the Sand King.
We’ve set traps all over the place in hopes of slowing it down, and in the middle of our traps is the bait Alice whipped up herself.
“Boss, can I have a little of that?”
“That’s the bait for the Sand King. If you eat everything you come across, you’ll get sick.”
Rose gazes longingly at the bait set out on the ground.
Since it’s all-hands-on-deck, everyone who can fight—minus Grimm, for obvious reasons—is out here.
…Feeling pity for the ravenous Rose, Viper pulls out a snack.
“Mr. Six gave me something called Calorie-Z. Would you like—?”
“Don’t mind if I do!”
Before Viper finishes speaking, Rose grabs the supplement bar.
She seems to have grown attached to Viper and usually falls asleep in her presence.
Maybe Demon Lords give off a scent that Chimeras love or something.
For some reason, Heine shoots a nasty look at the traps we’ve set.
“…Hey, Six. Back when we attacked the castle, my sorcerer stone exploded right in front of me. Did you set that trap?”
“…? I don’t remember doing anything like that.”
“Huh? O-oh, I see. It doesn’t seem like you’re lying, s-so sorry for suspecting you…”
Heine apologizes, but she still seems a little skeptical of me.
Alice glances over at me as though examining some unusual animal.
“Hey, Alice, could you stop looking at me like that?”
“…Oh, sorry. I was just wondering what your memory capacity is like.”
I ignore Alice’s strange remark and confirm the placement of the traps along the plain.
The wire traps are designed to immediately bind anyone stepping on their triggers.
Alice nods in approval as she surveys them.
“The bait’s designed for carnivores this time. This should draw the Sand King to—”
Before Alice finishes her sentence, we hear a loud crash.
Looking in the direction of the noise, we notice the bait successfully lured in its first carnivore. Tiger Man has been snared.
“Well done, Alice! This trap should definitely work on the Sand King. It certainly drew Tiger Man’s attention.”
“Do you want to get your ass kicked that badly, Tiger Man? Someone get this waste of oxygen out of here!”
As Tiger Man, bound from head to toe, mewls in distress, Alice crosses her arms and yells:
“I’ve explained the plan several times, but since I’m worried that some of you still don’t have any idea what’s going on, I’m going over it one more time!”
I nod repeatedly in agreement.
Your average Combat Agent is as dumb as a box of rocks, so multiple explanations are a must.
“When the Sand King emerges from its hole, the Combat Agents will fill in the hole with quick-drying cement while it’s distracted by the bait. Tiger Man, Rose, Viper, Heine—the four of you will defend the agents as they work. Then, once the Sand King’s escape route’s cut off, you can leave the rest to me.”
I’d forgotten most of the plan up to this point, but I notice something when it’s explained again.
“Hey, Alice, I didn’t hear you mention my name.”
“You’re a Combat Agent, aren’t you? You’ll be helping with the cement.”
……
“Wait, that’s work for the expendables! I wanna do something more important! Something that’ll win me a bunch of accolades!”
Hearing my words, Snow also pleads with Alice.
“Alice, I didn’t hear my name, either! Please, I can’t go back to Tillis without any major achievements…!”
“Your specs are on par with an above-average human’s at best. I don’t care what you do. Just try not to die. If you kick the bucket, Tillis will probably use that as leverage to negotiate new terms.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, you know… Can’t you at least pretend to care about me…? Oh, forget it! Defending is the Royal Guard’s specialty, so I’ll play defense! I’ll watch over the whole battlefield from here, then reinforce whichever place is in trouble!” says Snow, pouting.
Once everyone is in position, I stand with my arms crossed and try to look important. Again, Alice glances at me as if observing a strange animal.
“…You know, I’m still technically the branch manager and your partner. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“…Well, I’ve known you for a long time, but I still can’t predict how you’ll behave. It’s fine, though. Do what you want. When I let you run wild, you sometimes produce unexpected results.”
Having received Alice’s blessing, I turn and call out to those in position.
“The fates of Vi and the demons rest on this battle! Make sure to give it your all!”
“You’re one to talk! Hurry on over and get ready!”
As I cockily cheer them on, one of my colleagues seems to have realized something and speaks up.
“…Ohhh. His Evil Points are still in the red, so he can’t afford to order any quick-drying cement.”
““““……””””
I can’t offer a response because they’ve seen right through me.
“Laaame! So he can’t even fight because of a reason like that?! Ha!”
“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Just go ahead and watch from over there, Mr. Branch Manager!”
“If you ask nicely, I might be willing to get you some cement!”
As the expendables start taunting me, I decide on one thing.
“All right, I’m going to kill them during the battle and make it look like an accident.”
“Why are you agents always at each other’s throats? Is it because you see things in one another that you don’t like about yourselves?”
While arguing with the other agents, I feel a tremor beneath my feet, so I scoop up Alice and hop to the side.
Just then, the ground swells.
“Squeesqueesqueee!”
A wild Sand King appears!
2
Alice shouts out as I put her back on the ground:
“Execute—!”
I didn’t expect it to appear right under our feet, so the first thing to do is to get clear.
Alice and I maintain our readiness and slowly open some distance between ourselves and the Sand King.
“Hey, Alice, don’t shout too loudly. This thing’s got good hearing, right? You’re fragile. It’d take you out in a single blow. Be careful.”
“If that happened, it wouldn’t escape with its life. My reactor will blow, and I’ll take it out with me.”
Your reactor blowing is exactly what I’m worried about!
“Squeesqueesqueeek…”
The Sand King twitches its nose and turns to the bait.
I’m sure it can hear our voices, but it seems fixated on the bait for now.
“Hey, Alice, Tiger Man’s still stuck in one of the traps.”
“We can just leave him as live bait for the Sand King. It’s his own damned fault.”
The ruthless android then heads off toward Mr. Destroyer.
As Tiger Man pleads for help, Viper rushes to his aid.
Seeing that, everyone else remembers their roles and leaps into action.
After making it to Tiger Man’s side, Viper quickly removes the wires holding him down.
“Lady Viper! Behind you!”
As though answering Heine’s voice, Viper lets loose with a punch as she turns around.
“Demon Lord Punch!”
“Squee?!”
Buffeted by an enormous shockwave, the Sand King lets out a short squeal and falls over.
So that’s the Demon Lord Punch that’s not a kick. First time I’ve seen it.
“Well done, Vipurr! Leave the rrrrest to me!”
With most of the wires undone, Tiger Man is able to free himself, and after standing up, he cracks the joints in his neck.
It’s faintly irritating that I’m still counting on him when he got himself into trouble in the first place.
Speaking of, it seems like the Sand King has identified our traps and is purposefully avoiding them.
Which means Tiger Man tripped a trap that even a mole can avoid.
…While all this is going on, the agents who’ve arrived at the Sand King’s hole start pouring quick-drying cement into it.
“The Sand King’s coming this way!”
One of my colleagues pouring concrete shouts out a warning.
Seems the Sand King, realizing it’s a trap, is trying to run.
…However.
“Nope! I’m not letting you pass! If you wanna get by, you’ll have to leave something valuable! Don’t think you’rrre getting away fur frrreeeee!”
“I’ll reduce you to ashes with my flames! Your death will be anything but quick!”
“Listening to you two makes me feel like we’re doing something bad…”
The three fighters assume a battle formation around the Sand King.
After Heine halts its movements with her flames, Tiger Man quickly closes the distance.
“Grrrrraaaah!”
“Squeesqueesquee!”
The Sand King and Tiger Man, each well aware of the other’s strength, exchange cautious glances.
Then Rose, who ducked behind Tiger Man, uses him as a springboard to leap into the air.
“Bow before my lightning!”
Rose yells something as she latches onto the Sand King.
“Sleep for all eternity! Blue Lightning!”
Her horn glows bluish-white, and she discharges electricity from her body.
Evidently, the Sand King’s never encountered an electrical attack before and, twitching, hurriedly swats Rose away.
I lend the swatted Rose a hand.
“Rose, when did you learn a new move?”
“Ms. Alice said, ‘I’ll feed you some gourmet food,’ and gave me something called an unagi don. Ever since then, I’ve been able to do this zappy thing.”
Where I’m from, unagi don, a dish of eel over rice, is pretty gourmet if you ask me. I have a feeling that Alice used a special kind of eel to make this one, though…
As I help Rose up, Tiger Man and Heine unload on the visibly weakened Sand King.
“Looks like it’s numb frrrrom the shock and can’t move rrright!”
“This is great! Time to turn it into barbecue!”
The Sand King tries to retreat in the face of the two warriors’ onslaught.
Its escape hole is being blocked by Tiger Man and Heine, though, and behind them, the agents are filling it up.
Understanding it can’t retreat, the Sand King gets up on its hind legs.
Just seeing the giant claws, which can tear through tough power armor like paper, is enough to dispel any illusions that this’ll be an easy fight.
“…Daaaamn. It rrrreally is big…”
“O-our job is to defend the hole and the agents, right? We can leave fighting this thing to the ones in the back, right…?”
As the two look up in shock at the building-size monster, we receive an answer to Heine’s question.
“Yep, well done, everyone. Looks like the hole’s plugged, so leave the rest to me.”
* * *
Hearing Alice’s voice from the speaker system, we hear the low-rumbling engine noise that every Kisaragi employee knows all too well.
Mr. Destroyer, the Multilegged Combat Vehicle, steps out in front of the Sand King.
The beast’s escape route is cut off, and it’s surrounded by enemies looking to take it out once and for all.
“Squeesqueesquee, squeeeek!”
The Sand King lets out a high-pitched series of squeaks.
“Yeah, well, bring it, you damned mole! Monster-slaying isn’t just for Heroes!”
Mr. Destroyer and the Sand King finally face off in earnest…
“Taste the power of science!”
“Squeeee!”
Far from Hideout City, they engage in a genuine giant-monster battle.
3
Having returned to the base, we first decide to wash Mr. Destroyer, who did the most work today.
“Mr. Destroyer really is the best. A mere mole is no match for it.”
Alice, a firm believer in science and nothing else, happily pats Mr. Destroyer’s hull.
The Sand King, which had long plagued the demons as well as the neighboring country, was finally put down after a fierce duel with Mr. Destroyer.
Despite its adorable appearance, it was still a great monster, and it put up a hell of a fight until the very end. Mr. Destroyer is a true asset for allowing us to take care of that monster.
“Mr. Destroyer’s damaged all over now. The least I can do is fill the cracks with grains of rice.”
“What the hell are you trying to do to Mr. Destroyer?! Do you want to die?! I’ll fix the damage myself. It’ll take some time, but my repairs will be so thorough that, by the time I’m done, you’ll be able to see your reflection in the hull.”
Alice has an attachment to Mr. Destroyer bordering on obsession. She forces us to also treat it like a person in conversation, but I suppose that attachment stems from it being a fellow robot.
…Heine, who has been oddly quiet since the end of the battle between the Sand King and Mr. Destroyer, bows her head deeply.
“Mr. Destroyer, was it? Thank you so very much for taking down the Sand King. Usually, you don’t move at all, and I thought you were just lazy, but I was wrong. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for accomplishing the long-held hope of demonkind.”
Heine then deeply bows her head to Mr. Destroyer. It seems like she’s got a strange misunderstanding of what it actually is.
Oh, right, she wasn’t there for the fight between Mr. Destroyer and Russell’s giant robot.
Just when I try to tell her that Mr. Destroyer is similar to a golem…
“Mr. Destroyer says the power you generated is the reason he was able to defeat the Sand King. The electricity you helped create with your high-quality flames was most delicious.”
“R-really?! I see. My flames helped…”
Alice begins pumping the ignorant Heine’s head full of weird ideas, but every Kisaragi operative other than me is already busy preparing the victory party.
Which is why Alice, Heine, and I are the only ones here.
I opt to jump on Alice’s bandwagon.
“Mr. Destroyer is our trump card, and he usually spends his days sleeping as a result. The harder you work in the power plant, Heine, the stronger Mr. Destroyer becomes.”
“Is that true?! …Okay then! From now, I’ll redouble my efforts!”
“Very good. Mr. Destroyer is looking forward to your help, but he doesn’t want you to work too hard. He’s asking that I give you some time off as I promised before.”
Tears spill from Heine’s eyes.
“Oh, Mr. Destroyer…”
Looks like she’s just as thickheaded as me and Rose.
I’ve been hearing announcements of Evil Point gains throughout our entire conversation with Heine, and at this rate, it looks like I’ll be in the black again soon.
As we continue teasing her, Viper shows up.
“Um, I was told preparations for the party are complete, so I came to collect you all…”
“Oh, gotcha. Once Mr. Destroyer’s clean, we’ll head over.”
Hearing that, Heine smiles and offers her help.
“I’ll help, too! It looks like Mr. Destroyer fell asleep. When he wakes up, I’m sure he’ll be surprised by how clean we made him!”
“Huh…? Um, what’s Heine talking about…?”
Clearly understanding Mr. Destroyer isn’t a living being, Viper looks confused by Heine’s words.
“In commemoration of the Kisaragi Corporation’s defeat of the Sand King, I’d like to begin with a short—”
With the microphone in one hand, I’m about to start my lead-in to the toast at the party grounds constructed in Hideout City…
“Get on with it!”
“We wanna drink already! Skip the speech and get to the toast!”
The expendables heckle me without fear.
I suppose it’s about time to make some things clear to them.
“Okay, okay, shut up already! Here’s a toast to the rare feat of all you weak-ass, dime-a-dozen agents surviving the battle with the Sand King… Cheers!”
“Cheers…my ass! We’re not dime-a-dozen!”
With that half-assed toast, a wave of clinking glass washes over our group.
We’ve turned Hideout City square into a party venue, setting up several tables for a buffet-style gathering.
The newly immigrated demon residents have joined us for the toast.
With the Sand King gone, they’ll now formally become residents of this city.
Meaning now’s a good time to get to know them better.
But still…
“There’s a succubus! A real-life succubus! And I bet that girl with the pointy fang is a vampire! Damn, this planet is paradise! I’m so happy!”
“More like a furry paradise… There’s so many fluffy people…!”
“I heard the kingdom of Grace was short on men thanks to the war, but it looks like the demons are in a pretty similar situation in terms of gender ratio… I think I’m gonna like it here…”
Seeing how the agents are eyeing the demons, it doesn’t seem like they’ll need my help making new friends.
The folks on the demon side have surrounded Tiger Man and are offering him praise after watching him fight.
“You’re Tiger Man, yes? I hear you stood resolutely in front of the Sand King to keep it from escaping!”
“Tiger Man, you’re so dreamy! I just love your rugged chest hair… Can I touch it?”
“Sir Tiger Man, if you would spare a moment of your time for us… Ohhh, what a man. Even the charms of a succubus won’t work on him… So this is what a hero is made of…”
The succubi press their chests up against him, but Tiger Man offers no reaction, gulping down the rest of the beer in his mug.
Unused to this sort of reaction, the more they’re ignored, the harder the demonesses try to get his attention…
Rose (predator) and an orc (prey) sit side by side and devour their food. The Lilim girl Camille wanders by to give her thanks, and Tiger Man follows her every movement with an intense gaze.
I’m stuffing my face, enjoying the chaotic atmosphere of the party, when Viper comes over to me.
“Mr. Six, thank you so much for everything. It’s thanks to you all that the demons have managed to smile again. We were invaders, and yet… How can we ever repay you…?”
As Viper goes through her spiel again, I wave the piece of meat I’ve been eating at her.
“Vi, you’re always so formal. You just need to say something like, Thanks, I look forward to working with you from here on out, and leave it at that. We Combat Agents are really only good for fighting, so we might not have a lot to do most of the time. When I have downtime, though, I’d love it if you helped me with video games again. Sound good?”
“Yes, I’d be happy to! …Um, oh…that is…”
Viper replies eagerly but then seems at a loss for words.
…Oh, right. I’m going to have a bit of free time now that the Sand King’s gone, but I guess people like Viper, who are actually good at paperwork, will find themselves even busier from now on.
“Oh, right, I understand. Vi, you’re gonna be the most in-demand person in the hideout, after all. But you still owe me, so I won’t forgive you if you just forget about it. At the very least, I’ll have you help me finish this stupid game we’ve been playing. That’s something I won’t budge on as the branch manager.”
At my selfish request, Viper looks a little happy and a little sad…
“Very well. So you still need my help to finish the game…”
“Yes, it’s a promise. A promise is binding! I easily forget promises that don’t benefit me, but I never forget promises like this one.”
Just then.
“There’s no need to thank him, Viper. He didn’t do anything in the fight against the Sand King.”
Despite being unable to hold her liquor, Snow interrupts our conversation, glass in hand…
“I did contribute! When the Sand King showed up, I protected Alice! Besides, you didn’t do anything, either! All that talk at the start, and you’re nowhere to be found during the fight!”
“Silence! That very subject is why I’m here! …Remember, I was close by when the Sand King appeared, was I not?”
Snow says this quietly, as though in a whisper.
“I was caught off guard at the time. And well…”
…?
“Oh! Hold on… When the Sand King made its dramatic entrance, did you get caught up in the blast and pass out?!”
“Shhh, don’t say that so loudly! Others might hear us! A-anyway, I can’t face Her Highness like this. In the worst-case scenario, I might be dismissed from her service…”
……
“So you want me to let you take credit for saving Alice? I’m desperate for glory this time, too! Don’t eat off my plate!”
“Please…! If I get fired and have nowhere to go, could I possibly…you know…like Rose and Grimm…?”
What about Rose and Grimm?
I hope she’s not begging me to marry and support her like Grimm always is.
Backed into a corner, Snow glares at me.
“Why can you never take a hint?! Or are you really just that stupid?! Anyone else would’ve figured out what I’m getting at by now!”
“What the hell are you talking about?! Why are you yelling at me?”
“Why do you two always get into a shouting match the moment you see each other?! Can’t we all just get along?!”
Viper hurriedly tries to insert herself between us, but Combat Agents are pretty much all thugs, Snow notwithstanding. This squabbling’s just our regular form of communication.
“I’ll forgive you today for Vi’s sake, but you won’t be so lucky next time!”
“Th-there are times when I really envy you. I think of just how blissfully easy it would be to say what I want, do what I want, and live life as I please…”
Viper lets out a sigh of relief as we bury the hatchet for the moment.
“Vi, you’re always so tense. Try to relax a little. Here, I’ll lend you the video game, so play it when you want to slack off from work.” I hand the portable console to Viper.
She doesn’t have to be totally useless like us, but I do think this girl should take it easy every now and then.
“N-no, I don’t think it’s good to skip work… But okay, I’ll borrow it for a bit. I’ll return it in a week or so…”
“Only a week? You can keep it forever if you’d like. I mean, I plan to come see you in the office every day anyway.”
Having taken that awful game into her hands, Viper smiles as she bows her head in thanks.
“One week will be plenty… Thank you for everything, Mr. Six.”
As Viper happily cradles the game to her chest, I can’t help but feel uneasy.
I feel like I just caught a glimpse of what they call a “death flag.”
“Hey, Vi…”
“Oh, Viper, there you are.”
Alice appears before I can say anything. If she’s here, I guess Heine fully took over the task of cleaning and shining Mr. Destroyer.
“Ms. Alice, is it time?”
“Yeah, it’s time. All right, let’s get going. Snow, you’re coming with us.”
Time for what?
When I try to go with them, Viper stops me.
“I have a few things left to take care of, so please wait here, Mr. Six.”
Oh, I guess she’s finishing the last of the paperwork for today.
Snow’s probably going with them because she was useless in the fight, and they’re making her help to make up for it.
“All right then, Vi, see you tomorrow.”
As I call out to her, Viper briefly turns back to glance at me.
“…Yes, see you tomorrow.”
She furrows her brow a moment, and her smile seems forced.
As I watch her delicate form recede, I think back to what she said when she took the game from me.
“One week will be plenty… Thank you for everything, Mr. Six.”
I wonder she didn’t just say thank you.
Why did she make it feel like that was the last time she’d speak to me?
I decide to ask her about it when she’s done with her work for the day, but…
…after leaving with Alice, Viper never returns to the hideout.
The announcement that the kingdom of Grace would celebrate the defeat of the Sand King by executing the Demon Lord came the next day.
4
As I pace around the office, Rose, tucked under a blanket on the sofa, speaks up.
“Boss, calm down, please. Let’s just wait until Ms. Alice can explain the details.”
“Alice hasn’t come back, either. And what the hell are you doing? Whose blanket is that?”
Apparently, when Alice and Viper left yesterday, they were heading to the castle in the kingdom of Grace.
This morning, the news of the Defeat of the Sand King Celebration and the Demon Lord’s execution came out, but…
“This is Viper’s blanket that I won from Russell in a fight. I find it soothing to have it wrapped around me.”
The two Chimeras, who are quite attached to Viper, have also been on pins and needles all morning.
Heine, the one most negatively affected by the news, has holed herself up in the power plant and is obsessively generating electricity.
No doubt she plans to ask Mr. Destroyer, currently recharging next to the facility, for help.
Then again, Heine seemed to have known something like this would happen from the time she was locked up in the dungeon of the Demon Lord’s Castle.
She might be trying to distract herself by focusing on her work.
“You probably don’t remember because you were asleep, but when we first met Vi, she said she wanted the kingdom of Grace to execute her as recompense for the demons’ many transgressions. She probably means to take responsibility for the entire war, but I didn’t realize she was this serious about it.”
Viper had been working hard every day, approaching her tasks with the utmost care and focus, but I guess she was putting in her best effort because she planned to die from the very beginning.
…Just then, the door to the office opens, and Tiger Man pokes his head in.
“Six, come with me. Emergency meeting in the cafeteria.”
I can tell Tiger Man isn’t messing around because, once again, he’s forgotten to purr.
“I take it you guys have hearrrrd the news? Man, as soon as we killed the Sand King, things got weirrrd,” says Tiger Man, surrounded by Kisaragi agents.
“Why are they executing Ms. Viper? Do those Grace Kingdom assholes not understand just how valuable attractive young women are?!”
“Viper’s such a good girl. She’s beautiful but in possession of a kindness and a common sense you’d never find at Kisaragi…”
“Well, she might not have thaaat much common sense. I mean, the other day when I said, ‘Heh-heh-heh, so, young lady, what color panties are you wearing?’ as a greeting, she tried to answer me normally.”
The last agent to speak up gets smacked by everyone in attendance.
Russell, who’s been stirring a pot in the kitchen, says with a note of exasperation:
“Will you calm down, guys? We have no idea what’s going on until Alice gives us the details. There’s time until the execution. So right now, we should wait on Alice.”
“Mr. Russell, you need to calm down, too. You’ve been stirring the pot for a while now, but you forgot to put in any ingredients.”
Russell falls silent at Rose’s words.
I take the opportunity to get up on a table and shout:
“Alice hasn’t come back, either, dammit! This is a challenge to us by the kingdom of Grace! Vi is our prisoner of war, so why should we sit back and let the kingdom of Grace execute her?! Beautiful young women are valuable assets! If they’re planning to take one of our assets, that’s no different than a declaration of war!”
“Wow, I actually agree with something Six said, for once! Yeah, we’re an evil organization! If there’s something we want, we should just take it!”
“Heh-heh-heh, now we’re talking like a real evil organization. We’ve all been behaving ourselves ever since we got to this rock. Now’s the time to do some real damage…!”
The Combat Agents, who are all petty thugs at heart, cheer in agreement.
The rest depends on the influential mutant Tiger Man’s opinion, but…
“If Vipurr is gone, no matter how grrrrreat a sorcerer stone I obtain, no one else can make me a kid again! If the possibility isn’t zerrrro, I’m not giving up!”
I don’t understand what he’s saying, nor do I want to understand, but if nothing else, he seems to agree we have to rescue Viper.
“Ugh, you people really are dumb. Since I’m afraid you’ll mess up on your own, I, Russell of the Water, will lend you a hand. I feel like you all have been underestimating me lately. I’ll show those pitiful humans of the kingdom of Grace just what I’m capable of.”
“Mr. Russell, you just uttered one of the Kisaragi manual’s forbidden lines. If you come with us, you’ll probably die, so just stay here and cook something.”
I guess everyone agrees we have to rescue Viper.
“All right then, let’s get to it! Prepare for war! Remember Kisaragi’s real nature! We’re gonna invade the kingdom of Grace and get Alice and Vi back!”
““““Yaaaaahoooo!””””
And just as we all get fired up…
“You morons. Why the hell would you want to invade the kingdom of Grace? They don’t have much in the way of resources. The place to invade is Toris, you hear me? Toris.”
Having returned while we weren’t paying attention, Alice speaks to us from the doorway.
“So why are you doing the walk of shame despite being an android, huh? Also, the reason we’re gonna invade the kingdom of Grace is to save Vi. We don’t want to take over the country itself!”
“That’s why I’m telling you to stop. Viper’s execution was decided from the start. It was included in the terms when they agreed to let the demons settle in Hideout City if the Sand King was defeated. We discussed this with Tillis herself.”
Well, I suppose that’s what I should expect from a cold, calculating android. She’s completely heartless.
“Hey, Alice, doesn’t Vi’s presence help you as well? I mean, you were piling all sorts of work on her. Given how clever you are, surely you’ve got some way of saving her, right?”
“It’s true that since Kisaragi’s full of idiots, having Viper was helpful. But to end a war, there needs to be a scapegoat who can take all the blame. And given that’s what Viper wants, the rest of us aren’t in any position to stop her.”
…True, given how seriously self-sacrificial Viper is, that’s something she’d probably say.
But…
“I hate to do this, but I’m invoking my wartime command authority. Forget about Viper. We finally got everything settled. Don’t mess it up. This is for Kisaragi.”
At Alice’s unusually stern warning, everyone present falls silent.
It’s now morning, five days before the Defeat of the Sand King Celebration.
Grimm’s voice rings out in the training grounds next to the hideout.
“Understand me, Commander. I’m not such an easy woman that I’ll forget everything just because you take me on a date!”
The day after we’re lectured by Alice, Grimm is fuming. Apparently, she’s upset that we didn’t even notice she came back to life at some point.
“Look, it’s not our fault. You’re usually dead when we need you. I mean, for the Sand King battle, if we’d had you around, we would’ve had a much easier time.”
Learning she missed out on the battle with the Sand King, especially after missing the Demon Lord’s Army battle, is a heavy blow to Grimm.
“…I won’t be swayed by sweet words like if we’d had you around… But I made you lunch. Would you like it?”
I take the bento box from the easily swayed Grimm.
“Let’s go on a date and eat it together.”
Hearing that, Grimm curls her lips into a poorly concealed smile.
“Yes, I suppose enjoying a packed lunch together is a regular part of a date. Um, Commander, can you say the words let’s go on a date again? One hundred more times, perhaps?”
“N-no way…!”
Seeing how happy she is just to hear the word date makes me feel guilty considering where I’m taking her…
“I can’t believe I fell for something like this again! I should’ve known you only invited me out on a whim! It was the first time anyone had asked me out on a date, too! Give me back my first time!”
We’re near the woods that spread out in front of the hideout.
“What are you talking about? This is a proper date. Have you never heard of picnics?”
“Hold on! I can understand calling it a picnic if we’re out picking berries or wildflowers. But this is in no way a picnic!”
Currently, Grimm and I are gathering mipyokopyoko eggs.
Since I heard an amateur can’t tell the difference between mupyokopyoko and mipyokopyoko eggs, I invited Grimm, who seemed to have nothing else to do.
“Besides, why did you invite me of all people? I’m not an outdoorsy type! Snow knows how to tell the difference, too!”
It’s true that pushing a wheelchair through these woods is a bit of a hassle…
“Snow hasn’t come back from the castle, and I thought you’d know a lot about things like this.”
“…Well, sure, I do use monster components as part of my job sometimes, but… Sigh, okay, just this once, all right? But in exchange, you need to help me gather materials to use in my rituals.”
Well, I guess I can help with that.
…And lo, there’s some right there.
“Hey, Grimm, which pyokopyoko’s eggs are these?”
“These are mipyokopyoko eggs. A strong shock will make them explode, so mind how you handle them… I heard you’re short on money since Alice cut off your allowance, but are you so broke that you need to take odds jobs like this?”
“I’m broke enough that I can’t go partying in the kingdom these days.”
Grimm smiles thinly.
“…Then how about we go drinking tonight? I’ve heard about that girl Viper. I know you two were close, so I’m sure you’re still struggling with that… As the Archbishop of Zenarith, the least I can do is comfort you at a time like this.”
“…Okay.”
But I’m not going to be comforted.
I’m going because there’s something I want to ask Grimm about mipyokopyoko eggs…
Three more days until the celebration.
The demons in Hideout City have started asking us for jobs.
They feel that, because Viper and Heine have been working so hard for their sakes, they can’t just sit around doing nothing.
I guess the news about Viper’s execution was intentionally kept from them so as not to cause a stir.
With a sudden increase in her paperwork, Alice gets caught grumbling pretty often. She better not look to us for assistance, though. Since we can’t read the local language, there’s nothing we can do to help.
When I shrug my shoulders and cite that as my excuse, she threatens to print out a bunch of paperwork in Japanese for me to do instead.
I return the favor by telling her it’d just increase her workload because she’ll have to go through and correct all the errors Combat Agents would make filling out the forms. She seemed to have a pretty hard time believing we would brag about something like that.
Two days until the celebration.
Lately, Tiger Man’s been howling at night, which has been a serious nuisance.
There are even more voices joining the chorus tonight.
Seems they’re trying to distract themselves from Viper’s absence.
But with three of them howling, it’s just way too loud.
Too much yowling is going to attract monsters to Hideout City and the kingdom, too, so I wish they’d stop.
“Tomorrow, there’s going to be a huge festival commemorating the defeat of the Sand King. They’ll also be conducting that ceremony at the end of the festival, but you guys better not intervene.”
The day before the victory celebration, Alice comes in to give us one final warning.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but in wartime, command authority is absolute within Kisaragi.
Everyone here knows that.
An organization can’t survive without following its chain of command.
Everyone seems to nod in agreement, and then…
Tonight’s the long-awaited Defeat of the Sand King Celebration.
Maybe it’s because there’s a particularly beautiful moon out, but the three beasts we keep in the hideout are howling again and drawing attention from monsters.
It’s possible that predators will be attracted to the city even with a festival underway.
As hired Combat Agents, we must fulfill our duty and defend the kingdom of Grace.
And so driven by that sense of duty…
“We’re the Combat Agents of an evil organization! You think we give a damn about rules?! Ha!”
““““Yaaahooo!””””
This is about par for the course for Kisaragi Combat Agents.
If they wanna throw a celebration so badly, we’ll gladly bring the party.
I take out the mask I usually don’t wear because it’s so stupid-looking and head into the city to witness Viper’s last moments.
5
Viper’s execution is going to be conducted at around midnight in the city square.
I suppose it’s meant to be the grand finale to the festival, but from our outsiders’ perspective, it’s just a bit of grotesque showmanship.
Having entered the city, we don our masks, completely ignoring the curious stares of the residents.
“Okay, so we’re just Combat Agents here in formal attire to enjoy the festivities. And everyone knows there’s no way that Kisaragi agents can be around this many people and not cause problems. With that in mind, everything that’s about to happen should be seen as nothing but normal, everyday activity.”
A group of strange men, wearing a bunch of weird masks, all nod in understanding.
Insubordination is heavily punished, so we all ready our excuses, weak as they are.
“Okay, the ones who’ll infiltrate the castle will be me and…Combat Agent Ten, who only recently got released from the castle’s dungeon.”
“Sneaking into the castle’s as easy as taking an afternoon walk for me now. Leave it to me.”
I was wondering why I hadn’t seen Combat Agent Ten lately, and it turns out he royally screwed up again and was taken into custody.
“So what did you do this time?”
“Nothing major. Since I’d reflected on why it was wrong of me to sneak into Princess Tillis’s room at night, I decided to sneak into her room in broad daylight and have a soak in her bathtub.”
There’s a lot I want to ask, including why the hell he took a bath in someone else’s home without asking, but I guess I can trust him with the task of stealing into the castle (again).
“After the last time I broke in, they revamped the castle’s security measures, but…that shouldn’t be a problem for me.”
Is it really okay to trust this man with anything?
I suddenly find myself worrying, but I’d be lying if I said this guy didn’t have a knack for infiltration.
I touch the mask I’m wearing and adjust its fit.
“I know you were locked up all this time, but do you even know where I want to go?”
“Of course I know. When it comes to sneaking into Princess Tillis’s room, I’m your man.”
Completely missing the point, Ten gives me a thumbs-up.
Maybe I should pick someone else to do this… It’s not too late, right…?!
As Ten and I head to the castle…
…I retrieve something from my backpack. I’ve been taking advantage of moments when the residents aren’t looking to toss these onto rooftops that look like they get plenty of moonlight.
“Six, what are those?”
“Mipyokopyoko eggs. They hatch when they absorb enough moonlight.”
Yes, what I’m planting are the eggs I collected with Grimm.
Ten, running next to me, nods in understanding even though he doesn’t know what’s going on.
“So it’s like when I tossed my used tissues onto the roofs of the neighboring houses from my second-story window.”
“Uh, just to make sure, you used those tissues to blow your nose, right? Don’t do that in Hideout City, got it?”
Having finished my egg tossing, I approach the castle’s outer wall with Ten.
The walls are even taller now than during my last visit, and all the entrances other than the main gate have been removed.
But for some reason, there’s no sign of guards tonight.
It might have something to do with the fact that, for whatever reason, a lot of monsters have been spotted near the city.
“Well, how do we get inside? Let me first note that I want you to take us to the dungeon.”
“I know the dungeon like my own backyard. Leave it to me. For infiltration…let’s go with this.”
That’s when Ten produces a couple of maid outfits.
“…Let me guess. We’re going to pretend to be maids who work in the castle and waltz in like we belong here.”
“Exactly. The walls are designed to make it impossible to climb over them, and with the only entrance—the main gate—shut tight, we need the watchmen to let us in.”
Well, I can follow up to that point.
“If you were on watch, who would you stop? A friendly merchant? A person in everyday clothes? The more effort you put into perfecting your disguise, the more likely you’ll mess up. In that case, it’s best to go the complete opposite route. If a couple of burly men wandered by dressed like maids, you’d do your best to avoid interacting with them, right?”
Well, sure, I wouldn’t want to interact with us, but I’m pretty sure we’d definitely get stopped.
Ten begins changing into the maid outfit without any concern for whoever might be watching.
“What do you think? Does it look good?”
“Good enough to make me think this just might work…”
Ten’s evolved into such a weird creature that any watchman would probably avoid him like the plague.
“I’ll lend you my optical camo. Use that to hide yourself and follow me.”
I take the light-refracting camouflage device from Ten and quickly turn it on.
Before me, a buff man dressed in power armor with a maid outfit pulled over it strides confidently into the castle.
The two watchmen, completely taken aback by Ten’s appearance, seem to struggle with something internally before pretending nothing’s wrong and opening the gate… No, they’re totally looking the other way.
I really didn’t expect this to work.
This man might be more than just your average pervert.
Ten continues walking, never once turning his head as he whispers to me.
“Six, the dungeon is around this next corner. If someone catches me, don’t hesitate to leave me behind. I’m going to make my way to Princess Tillis’s room. Godspeed,” says the outlandish maid, rather dashingly.
I nod, even though I know he can’t see me because of the camo.
“Sir Six, I had a feeling you would come.”
Tillis, leading a group of knights, is there waiting for me. Snow’s standing next to her with a conflicted look on her face.
6
“I gave the watchmen advance notice to let anyone from Kisaragi through, but I didn’t expect them to let you through looking like that.”
She looks a bit uncomfortable when she says this.
“Sir Six, our nation’s political climate is such that we simply cannot let bygones be bygones. For the sake of a bright future between our kingdom and Kisaragi, would you mind turning around and going home?”
Tillis is more serious than I’ve ever seen her before.
…But she’s not talking to me. I’m still hidden by optical camo. She’s speaking to the strange, masked maid.
I creep past Tillis with my back to the wall and sneak into the dungeon.
Tillis seems to be pretty intent, so I’m not gonna interrupt her. I’ll just leave her in Ten’s care.
I easily sneak past the sentry and search for the cell containing the person I’m here to find.
And at the very end of the dungeon…
…I see Viper in a cell, sitting primly on the floor, engrossed in the game I gave her.
“Vi… Vi! This is Six, can you hear me?”
When I whisper to her from outside the cell, Viper twitches and looks up.
“I-is that you, Mr. Six? Where are you?”
As Viper glances around her cell, my inner imp can’t help himself.
“I’m transmitting my thoughts directly into your mind from far away, Vi… Can you hear me…? Is my voice reaching you…?”
“Yes, I can hear you! Your voice is coming in loud and clear, Mr. Six!”
Viper looks off into the distance, appearing a bit excited.
Rather than following the sound of my voice, she’s probably looking in the general direction of the hideout.
“I didn’t know you could use magic as well! And magic as powerful as telepathy, no less!”
Oh, Viper, it wouldn’t kill you to be a bit less gullible…
“Forget about my secret powers for now. Tell me what’s going on, Vi. Why are you gonna be executed?”
Viper puts on a troubled smile.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Six. I lied to you… I wasn’t able to keep my promise of staying with you until you finished your game…”
Viper delicately hugs the console to her chest like it’s her newborn child. Considering the gloomy atmosphere of the dungeon, it’s a pretty heart-wrenching sight.
“So how far did you get in that dumb game I lent you?”
“I was able to handle most of the puzzles, but the fighting was rather difficult, and I ended up getting stuck…”
If she’s never played a game before, the combat segments would be hard, I bet.
“It’s okay, I’ll handle the fighting. You can just worry about the puzzles, Vi.”
“…I’m sorry. My execution is scheduled to take place soon. Everything will be over by the time you get here, Mr. Six…”
Even though Hideout City and the kingdom of Grace are technically neighbors, it still takes half a day to get from one to the other.
Since Viper doesn’t know I’m right in front of her, the smile on her face wavers further into sadness.
“I really enjoyed the time I spent with you, Mr. Six. All you did was come to the office and play video games, but listening to you let out weird voices or suddenly complain about something—Well, I found your carefree lifestyle heartwarming.”
She doesn’t think I’ll make it in time, so she begins spilling her feelings.
“Oh, I see. Vi, you probably shouldn’t say any more. You might end up regretting it.”
I warn her for her own sake, but she just quietly shakes her head.
“I won’t have any regrets. When I was helping you with your game, that was the only time I wasn’t a Demon Lord awaiting execution, but simply Viper, playing with her friend. I really, really appreciate what you—”
If I let her keep going, there won’t be any salvaging this.
“Vi, please don’t say any more. I’m a Combat Agent for an evil organization. I might use this embarrassing story to make you do ridiculous things in the future, you know.”
“It’s okay. Remember, I told you when we first met that you could do anything you wanted to me. But even after all the time we spent together, no one at Kisaragi troubled me in the slightest.”
When she says this, Viper looks a bit more relaxed than usual.
Since she thinks she’s about to be executed, she probably thinks there’s no harm in joking around.
“It’s not over yet, Vi. It’s too early to relax. You might end up getting kidnapped and taken to some evildoer’s hideout.”
“That’s fine by me. If I could be of use to them in any way, I wouldn’t mind.”
Once again, Viper just goes with the flow.
“Girls shouldn’t casually go along with every little thing. I promise you’ll end up having regrets if you keep that up.”
“I assure you, I won’t. If only I could see you again, Mr. Six… I would do anything. Even now, as I wait for the end, not being able to remain by your side is my only regret…”
Viper then chuckles, having teased someone for what might have been the first time in her life.
…I see.
“‘Anything,’ huh? Well, first, let’s get you outta here, Vi.”
I take off my mask and deactivate my camo. Viper freezes and stares at me, mouth agape.
“What’s wrong, Vi? Your face is all red, Vi! I did say you’d regret it if you kept going, didn’t I? Hey, Vi, can you tell me how you feel after giving that embarrassing confession right in front of my eyes?”
“…! …!”
Viper, a blushing, trembling mess, glares daggers at me.
“Mr. Six, you’re so mean!”
“And, Vi, you’re a liar. I won’t let you break your promise. I’ll say it as many times as I have to. We’re going to finish this stupid game. Together.”
I’ll think about the rest once I’ve safely kidnapped Viper and taken her to the hideout.
Viper has a troubled look on her face.
“I can’t leave this place. For the demons to be forgiven by this kingdom, I need to—”
“I don’t care about any of that. I’m a member of an evil organization. Why should I care what happens between the kingdom of Grace and the demons? I’m just gonna kidnap you, Vi.”
Yes, it tends to be forgotten a lot, but on a basic level, we’re still evil.
Great acts of villainy, like kidnapping beautiful young women, is technically part of our job description.
“B-but if you do that, you’ll drive a wedge between Kisaragi and the kingdom! This could result in another war!”
“If that happens, Alice will figure something out. She’s smart, unlike me. Besides, our primary goal is world domination. The kingdom’s gonna be ours eventually. It was always a question of when, not if.”
“…Oh…”
Viper recoils, but the truth is the truth. After all, we’re the bad guys.
“B-but even then, your fellow Kisaragi Combat Agents could end up getting dragged into the war! Surely, that’s…”
Wait, is this girl serious?
“You mentioned this yourself, Vi. We’re always at one another’s throats. Heine even said we were more bloodthirsty than genuine demons.”
But that’s a no-brainer…
“The job of a Combat Agent is to fight. If there’s no more war in the world, we’ll be out of work.”
Viper goes dumb as I say this without a shred of hesitation.
“Besides, I’ve thought this for a while, but Combat Agents are mostly scum anyway. If we lose a few, it’s no skin off my nose.”
“That’s awful! You shouldn’t say such things!”
Viper’s a good girl even in situations like this, but we’re running out of time.
I produce my vibrating blade and press it against the cell bars.
“N-no, you mustn’t, Mr. Six! There are lots of people who’ll be in trouble if I escape! …Oh!”
In no time at all, the first bar is severed.
As I place my blade against the second, Viper tearfully pleads with me.
“Pl-please stop, Mr. Six. The demons’ lives are on the line. If you don’t stop, I’ll get mad. I really will! I’m still a Demon Lord! I’m strong!”
The second bar clatters to the floor, and as I’m working on the third, Viper glares angrily at me through her tears.
She’s so adorable.
“I—I hate you… I thought you were a nice person, Mr. Six. But considering what you’re doing, I hate you! Please. We’re so close to ending things peacefully! You’re going to ruin everything!”
The third bar falls.
Knowing she can’t threaten me into compliance, Viper tries to sway me with tears. But she’s so cute when she cries.
I bring the blade up to the fourth bar, and Viper grabs the dull side.
“Why do you insist on causing so much trouble? We met only recently, and we don’t even know each other that well. I made my peace with this outcome long ago. So please… Please…”
Viper turns away in an attempt to hide her tears.
“Vi, Vi.”
As I ignore the gloom and call her name cheerfully, she faces me again.
I’m just a teeny, tiny bit stupider than most people. That’s why I can’t really deal with important matters or handle heavy topics. But there’s one thing I know for sure.
No one truly wants to die.
“For now, let’s just head back to the base and play that stupid game.”
As the fourth bar rolls onto the ground, Viper breaks out sobbing.
7
Carefully cradling the game console, Viper tags along behind me.
“Mr. Six, it’s only until we finish this game, all right? After that, I’ll have you return me to the kingdom. I’m going to keep my promise, so you have to keep yours, too, Mr. Six.”
“I know, I know. I promise, I promise. But, Vi, your eyes are all red.”
Viper casts a suspicious gaze my way. After having a good cry inside her cell, she seems to have stopped holding back with me.
How did this unquestioningly naive young woman end up like this?
“Oh, if the game console breaks, we gotta start over, okay? And before we can do that, we’ll have to order a new one from my country, so…”
At those words, Viper tightly cradles the console to avoid damaging it.
“If you break the console, Mr. Six, that condition is null and void. A-also, no slacking off and dying on purpose! Please take it seriously!”
That’s fine. I can always just overwrite the save data.
Besides, if I explain the situation, I bet Heine and company will just go ahead and destroy the game console on their own.
Once we reach entrance to the dungeon, I peek outside to assess the situation.
…Straining my ears, I can hear Tillis’s serious attempts at reasoning with Ten.
“Sir Six, please give up! This is a matter of a formal treaty between Kisaragi and the kingdom of Grace! …Also, Snow! Stop holding back!”
“N-no, Your Highness… I may not be feeling all that up to it, but I’m not holding back…”
Unfortunately, the optical camo only works for one person. Since I have Viper with me, it’ll be really hard to sneak out.
However…
“Gah! Dammit, he really is strong!”
“Surround him! He may be a Kisaragi Combat Agent, but he’s unarmed! Hold him down!”
“Combat Agent Six…! S-so this is the power of a man who’s taken down the Demon Lord’s Elite Four…!”
Out of the corner of my eye, “Agent Six” is brawling with some knights while wearing a maid outfit.
As Tillis noted, Snow doesn’t seem as sharp as usual.
Could it be that she’s holding back, knowing I’m here to break Viper out?
In order to save myself, I hand the optical camo to Viper.
“This is an item that makes you invisible. I’m going to save my maid self. Use that to escape through the gate.”
“I-I’ll go and ask Princess Tillis to delay the execution for a bit! So please…”
Viper may say that, but Tillis is a true ruler at heart. I can’t imagine she’ll pity Viper enough to delay the execution given that her kingdom’s authority is on the line.
I take out my mask and put it back on, then run over to the other me.
“This is as far as you go!”
“What the—? Reinforcements?!”
As I appear and block the knights in, a murmur of confusion ripples through their group.
“Hey, me, the mission’s complete. Let’s get the hell outta here.”
But the burly maid only shakes his head.
He puts his hand on his mask and—
“Y-you! You’re Sir Combat Agent Ten! Someone, check on the Demon Lord! Sir Ten is a decoy! Forget about him! Restrain the new guy and hurry to the dungeon! Securing the Demon Lord is our top priority!”
As Ten reveals himself, sweat beads on Tillis’s brow, and she slowly backs away.
Ignoring the watchful gaze of the knights, Ten slowly makes his way to Tillis.
“I have something I still need to do. Move.”
“B-but this is the way to my room… May I ask what you intend to do…?”
Tillis is clearly still bit traumatized by Ten’s past actions and continues to nervously retreat.
“Nothing important. For now, feel free to think of me as another piece of furniture in your bedroom.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
I don’t, either.
“I thought hard about it while I was locked in the dungeon. I’ve caused a lot of trouble for you, so I should do whatever I can to atone. I need to make myself useful to you somehow.”
Okay, I can understand that, at least.
“That’s when I came to this conclusion. All I can do is fight. But you have no use for a man who only knows how to fight, right?”
“Actually, I could really use some skilled soldiers…”
Ten pretends not to hear Tillis and takes her hands in his.
“During my time in the dungeon, I practiced being a chair. And not just a chair; I can also become a bed. Rejoice, Princess Tillis, for on occasion, I shall act as your furniture. I’ll pretend to be your chair and your bed and quietly watch over you.”
“Guards! Capturing this man is your new highest priority!”
Ten leaves one hell of an impression, putting up fierce resistance and drawing the knights away. Thanks to him, I’m nearing the main gate.
Since even the watchmen are off trying to restrain Ten, it shouldn’t be too hard to get out of here.
Ten really is something to make even Tillis lose her calm.
As I admire my comrade’s efforts, Viper, hidden by the optical camo, taps me on the shoulder.
I reach out just to confirm she’s there…
…but I suddenly feel an invisible hand stop mine.
“Hey…! I’m just trying confirm you’re here…!”
“I am! Where were you about to touch?”
She’s objecting now, but wasn’t she willing to let me do as I pleased until recently?
I guess this is a positive development, but maybe I should’ve done more while I could…
While struggling with that in my mind, I try to push open the gate, but it doesn’t budge.
Oh, I guess you need the keys to open it!
The watchmen aren’t stupid. If they had to leave their stations for any reason, of course they’d make sure to lock up first.
Just then.
Suddenly, I hear an explosion ringing from the castle, followed by alarm bells.
“Your Highness! That bell indicates a large number of monsters is threatening the city!”
“And the explosions came from inside the city! The beasts may already have gotten in…”
The monster-warning bell is probably thanks to the howling of our three beasts.
As for the explosions, the mipyokopyoko eggs must have hatched…
The knights, naturally curious about what’s going on in the city, look toward the gate…
…and see me.
“…! Leave Sir Ten…! Mmph… Leave Sir Ten for now and capture that Combat Agent over there! Ask him what he was doing in the dungeon. If there’s no sign of the Demon Lord, that man should know where she is!”
The gate doesn’t look like it’ll open, even when I hit it with my enhanced fist.
Okay, I need to calm down.
If Ten and I get apprehended, the knights will head outside to take care of the monsters.
Which means the gate will open…
“Vi, just stay hidden by the gate. They’ll eventually open it from the inside, and you’ll be able to escape.”
But Viper doesn’t reply. I get the feeling she’s shaking her head.
Then, I hear the shuffle of feet and a deep breath.
Understanding what she’s planning to do, I murmur to the empty air:
“Vi, you’re weirdly stubborn, but I don’t dislike that about you.”
Viper sighs. The optical camo can’t keep up with her movements and reveals her.
Looking as though she’s finally come to terms with something, Viper swings her left fist and cries:
“Demon Lord Punch!”
8
Finally freed from the castle, I’m sweating bullets as we run through the streets of Grace.
“What’s wrong, Mr. Six? You’re sweating profusely.”
Viper expresses concern for me, but an explosion rings out right as she speaks.
<Evil Points Acquired>
Sweet. The influx of points that started a little bit ago hasn’t slowed down.
The eggs that I scattered in the hopes that one or two would hatch seem to be yielding a lot more baby monsters than I expected.
From every corner of the city, I hear cries of “Look out, it’s a mipyokopyoko!” followed by the sound of explosions.
“…I’m worried that the dregs of the Demon Lord’s Army are conducting terror attacks to try and break you out, Vi…”
“N-none of my demons would ever do anything like that! This chaos is your doing, isn’t it, Mr. Six? I’m sure you know exactly what’s going on, don’t you?!”
Immediately recognizing this is most likely my fault, Viper stops running and looks around.
“…Perhaps I should just return to my execution…”
“It’s mipyokopyoko eggs! It’s just mipyokopyoko eggs hatching, and the newly hatched and irate ones exploding! Someone told me the explosion of a newborn mipyokpyoko isn’t strong enough to kill anyone!”
But as Viper surveys the damage, the knights from the castle gain on us.
“Vi, let’s think of our next move while we run!”
“But there’s a person pinned under some wooden debris over there!”
Completely ignoring the approaching knights, Viper goes to help the man crying out in pain.
“Vi, you really are a softy! But I don’t dislike that about you, either, Vi!”
While I assume a fighting stance, fully prepared to take on the advancing knights…
“My, my. Stopping and helping the injured to earn brownie points. That’s just the sort of shallow behavior I would expect from a home-wrecker.”
…Grimm appears, a thin smile on her lips and spouting a line better suited for the black-hearted daughter of a noble.
Moving in to block the knights’ path, Grimm has a group of Kisaragi agents backing her up. She snaps her fingers to the one pushing her wheelchair.
“…? What is it, Ms. Grimm? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when you go off script.”
“You’re supposed to say something along the lines of how I, the Archbishop of Zenarith, am better suited to helping the injured and that a Demon Lord isn’t needed here! Then, you’re all supposed to laugh at her! Oh, whatever! I’ll say it, so just laugh when I do!”
Grimm goes off on an odd tangent as she heads toward the injured man.
Ah, got it. She’s acting a bit like a tsundere, but I guess this is her own way of trying to help Viper…
“…Hey, why are you just standing around?! Healing the injured is my job! I’m going to help a handsome man who’s been incapacitated, and even though he’ll fall in love with me at first sight, I’m going to tell him, I’m sorry, I already have someone to whom I’ve promised my future.”
““““Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!””””
“Hold on! You’re not supposed to laugh at that part! …Oh, whatever.”
…Nope. She probably just wants to flirt with a handsome, helpless man.
Wait, when she mentioned the person she promised her future to, she wasn’t talking about me, right? Surely, she hasn’t been editing the promise in her mind, right?
Grimm tends to the injured man with all the speed and efficiency of a crazed spinster who’s relentlessly practiced for this exact scenario.
“Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!”
Having seen that, Viper shouts a thanks as she dashes off. The knights try to circle around Grimm as she blocks the road.
But the Combat Agents stand in their way…
“H-hold it! Don’t let her escape! …Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?!”
“Lady Grimm, we can’t have you interfering in our activities! Do you not know who that woman is?!”
In response, Grimm smiles seductively and makes a come-hither gesture to the barking knights.
“I’m far more attractive than that fragile girl, wouldn’t you say? There’s a lovely moon out tonight, so why not have a drink with me, hmm? Just forget about work and—”
Two of the knights turn on their heels.
“We don’t have time for this! Men, go around them!”
“There’s a back alley behind that street. Let’s take that route!”
“……”
Having been completely ignored, Grimm covers her face and trembles.
“Uhhh, Ms. Grimm! I-it’s all right, Ms. Grimm, you’re a beautiful woman! Six said so himself!”
“Hey, Ms. Grimm’s crying for real! What sort of men are you?!”
“Apologize to Ms. Grimm! …Um, Ms. Grimm! I currently have someone I like, so maybe if we’re reincarnated and meet each other in the next life, we can date then!”
As those and other such phrases recede into the background, Viper and I turn onto a busy street with a lot of people on it.
It looks like mipyokopyokos aren’t the only ones rampaging through the city. Combat Agents are raising hell, too, and I can hear familiar taunts coming from every direction.
But tonight is the Defeat of the Sand King Celebration. A festival isn’t complete without a brawl or two. That’s just how it is.
Eventually, Viper and I arrive at the square, hearing the screams of Grimm and the knights all the while.
If we can make it to the crowd of people, the knights will probably be at a loss.
After all, they can’t very well go around shoving their own citizens.
I, of course, don’t hesitate. I am, after all, part of an evil organization.
…Then, as we enter the square, we realize we’ve been had.
“We’ve been waiting for you, Sir Six. You’ve really done it this time…”
A knight commander is there waiting for me, backed by soldiers. The face looks familiar, but the name escapes me. The soldiers all have nets and ropes in their hands, and I can see they’re not planning to kill us.
There are over a hundred knights and soldiers present. Taking them all out would be a pretty tall order, even for me.
As I stop and take a deep breath, Viper stands up and hands me the game console she’s been cradling this whole time.
“I’ve solved as many puzzles as I was able to… Um, it’s a pity I won’t be able to keep my promise, but it’s been a long time since I’ve run this much. It was very refreshing.”
Viper then makes a smile free of regret.
“You know, Vi, you seem perfect at a glance, but your weakness is that you give up too easily. I get it. You’re brilliant, but you always make a snap decision after weighing the pros and cons for only a few seconds.”
I collect myself and open my wrist device for the first time in a long while.
After checking the screen, I show it to Viper.
“Do you know what this number represents, Vi? This is one of the biggest point totals I’ve ever been able to gather. And this number can directly translate into my power.”
I was already about to get out of the red, but after tonight’s rampage, my Evil Point total is about to hit quadruple digits.
“N-no, you can’t, Mr. Six. I don’t want to live at someone else’s expense. I don’t know what you’re planning, but…”
At my fearless grin, the soldiers around me back up.
Yes, the people here are just soldiers who, while I know their faces, I don’t know well enough to remember their names.
Which means they’ve also seen us Combat Agents fight…
“It’s okay, Vi. I’ll use nonlethal methods to take them out. Sure, they might get a little singed, or blown up, or electrocuted, or frozen, but I promise they won’t die.”
“No! Please, can’t we have a peaceful chat with them, Mr. Six? I won’t run away again, so maybe we can negotiate for more time to finish that game…”
At Viper’s panicked expression, the knights and soldiers here seem to have figured out my intentions.
I’m definitely in the black again, but I’m more than happy to go back into the red for her.
If I just let Viper die, I’ll probably regret it for the rest of my life…
“You’ve really done it this time, you moron. I told you to stay put, but nooo. You couldn’t even trust your own partner, huh?”
As I’m deciding which nonlethal weapons to employ, the person I least want to see right now shows up with Tillis and Snow in tow.
“Sorry, Alice, I need you to back down this time. Otherwise, I’m gonna use my points to turn this kingdom into a sea of flames.”
“Oh? Is that how you want to play? All right then, give it your best shot. Even if you do manage to take me out, my generator will detonate, and this kingdom, as well as every neighboring nation, will be caught in the blast.”
“Please don’t. Seriously, please, please don’t.”
“Mr. Six, no more! Please! I’m begging you!”
As Alice and I exchange glares, Tillis and Viper desperately try to stop us.
Deciding it’s too dangerous to leave things as they are, Tillis quickly issues orders to those around her.
“Snow, rally the other knights and soldiers and apprehend those two… But do it as calmly as possible. Try not to harm them or cause any unnecessary fuss.”
Snow flinches at her orders, and I totally understand.
For the most part, she just does as she’s told. But rarely—extremely rarely—she shows off her admirable side.
Given the circumstances, I can’t really blame her. I’d probably comply with Tillis’s commands if I were in her shoes.
“Y-Your Highness… I don’t mean to disobey a direct order, but…this woman, Viper, is a very good person—rare for a demon… And she’s great with paperwork, and she can fight, too! Killing her would be a terrible waste. She’s much more valuable alive…”
“That’s enough.”
The one who cuts off Snow’s desperate appeal is Viper herself.
“I’m touched by your gesture, Ms. Snow. Thinking back on it, I did nothing but cause problems for you in Hideout City. But it’s really all right. For a long time, many feared me simply because I was the Demon Lord’s daughter. They weren’t even afraid of me but of my title. Once I came here, however, my abilities were properly appreciated, and I was valued for the merit of my contributions. Now the very people I worked alongside have come to my defense. I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t ask for anything else… So please don’t look so sad.”
With that, Viper makes her way to Alice and the others.
When I glance in that direction, I meet Alice’s gaze, and she nods as if to say, Leave the rest to me.
…I can trust you, right?
“Viper, you’re special. From what I’ve seen, you’re extremely capable and not at all a moron like the Combat Agents.”
It’s irritating that she needs to diss me even now, but since she’s not wrong, I stay quiet.
As the knights and soldiers tensely watch the exchange, Alice holds something out.
“This manual contains instructions for how to use this item. What you do with it is up to you. You’ve come this far, so you might as well show them what a Demon Lord’s made of.”
After accepting the item from Alice, Viper skims the instruction manual.
I sidle up to Viper as she reads and peer over her shoulder, but the words are written in this planet’s language. I can’t make heads or tails of it.
After finishing the manual, she turns to Alice and me with a faintly embarrassed smile.
Then, she leaps up to the roof of a house.
High above the city, with the moon at her back, the beautiful young woman clearly stands out from everything else.
The various spectators who have been vaguely looking at our direction can’t help but stare at her.
Viper locks eyes with me, and then, with a deadly serious expression, she says:
“I am Viper—daughter of the former Demon Lord Mehlmehl and current reigning Demon Lord!”
Suddenly indulging in a bit of melodrama, Viper continues to draw everyone’s attention, flourishing her cape.
Holding up the object she received from Alice, she continues:
“The demon invasion of the human lands was wrought by my hand and mine alone. Using the secret brainwashing magic known only to the Demon Lords, I forced my ignorant and gullible populace to fight to this point. However…”
…Oh, she’s doing the thing where the villain spills the beans on their evil plan for no apparent reason.
“Those men there, the Combat Agents of the Kisaragi Corporation, foiled every last one of my plans. In a final bid for survival, I carried out terrorist attacks to cover my escape, but it seems they’ve messed that up for me, too… Yes, the explosions and the monster attacks were all my doing…”
Alice watches the display with a look of glee. Is this really gonna be okay?
I’m getting really, really worried all of a sudden.
“Rather than die at the hands of you pathetic humans, I would sooner end my own life! Witness how a true Demon Lord dies…”
Shit, this sort of thing never ends well…!
I try to run to her, but Viper pulls something that looks like a pin from the device she’s holding…
“Witness my power! Come, arc of the firmament! Let the earth tremble! Midgar’s Lightning!”
A concussive blast shakes the sky, and Viper vanishes in an intense flash of light.
“Well done! Look at that, Six! She went out in a blaze of glory! What a truly amazing display of evil! That was incredible!”
“You idiot! I should’ve known… Damn you and your obsession with self-destructing…! I can’t believe I was stupid enough to trust you…!”
9
It’s been a week since the celebration.
After Viper went out with a bang, a hysterical Heine and I got some time off. We’ve been spending our days in a stupor.
Of course, in my case, even without getting the time off, it’s not like I do any work.
Alice really is responsible for the outcome this time around, but I understand her on an intellectual level. Though I hate to admit it, the cold, unfeeling android is right.
I guess if the only other option was to be executed as a lowly prisoner while the masses howl for blood, it’s better to leave an impact and keep the pride of a Demon Lord intact.
Yeah, yeah, I know all that.
And I know that, in order to end the long-standing war, there needs to be some sort of scapegoat…
“…Hey, Heine. ‘Eyes of Red, Mane of Night. The Unrivaled King of All-Consuming Flame’… What monster does that sound like to you?”
“…Sounds like a description for a dark god or a god of destruction or something. Don’t ask me. I’m not good at using my head.”
The puzzles are still confusing as hell, but I’m determined to finish this shitty game.
I’d rather not ask for Alice’s help, but at this rate, I might need it.
“…Looks like dark god and god of destruction are both wrong. Sigh, I died again…”
As I lay on the office sofa, I toss the game console aside.
Heine is lazily draped against the chair where Viper used to sit and do her work.
“…I wonder how long I have off… If Mr. Destroyer’s getting hungry, I should probably return to work as soon as possible…”
I guess she still doesn’t know the truth about Mr. Destroyer. It’s more entertaining to watch her act as though he’s alive, though, so I’m not about to tell her.
…As I let out a loud yawn, I hear something come in over the intercom.
“All Kisaragi personnel, please assemble in the square. A new mutant has arrived from headquarters. They will now make their introduction. Make sure all of you attend.”
At Alice’s sudden announcement, I let out a brief “…Oh, right.”
“Oops. I forgot I’d requested mutant reinforcements from HQ.”
“With all these forces at your disposal, you still need more?”
Heine asks this, but no, that’s not it.
I had requested they send over Panda Man or Koala Man because a certain someone had a thing for cute creatures.
But it’s pointless now.
“I guess I should go welcome them since it was my request…”
I can’t muster up any enthusiasm, but I don’t really have a choice.
At least Panda Man and Koala Man are soothing just to be around.
Maybe they’re what we need most right now.
Heine and I drag our lethargic bodies out of the office and somehow make our way to the square.
We arrive to find everyone else already waiting.
“Hey, Alice, who did they send? Panda Man or Koala Man?”
“Huh? Those two are too popular to send to a backwater rock like this.”
I can’t help but deflate at Alice’s quick reply.
I was going to bury my face in Panda Man’s plush belly, but it seems I won’t even get to indulge in that little bit of happiness.
I slump in front of the assembled Combat Agents and vaguely glance in the direction of our new mutant recruit.
The mutant is dressed in a full bodysuit that looks a bit like a motorcycle outfit.
And unusually for a mutant, they’re wearing a helmet that covers their whole face, much like the ones given to us Combat Agents.
Based on the few features that I can see poking through the suit, it seems this mutant is a woman.
Maybe I should start giving Alice more credit…
As tears flow down Heine’s cheeks, the mutant—who is only wearing a sleeve on her left arm for some reason—speaks in a voice that sounds oddly familiar.
* * *
“Hello, everyone. It’s a pleasure to meet you all. I am the mutant Snake Woman. I’ve been sent from Kisaragi Corporation headquarters to aid in your efforts… I’m fairly confident in my ability to process paperwork, and my hobby is…”
Though she’s supposed to be addressing everyone in attendance, I feel her looking directly at me as she speaks.
“…solving puzzles in video games.”
And with that, the corners of her mouth curl up into a radiant smile.