CHAPTER 1

Alien Planet Exploration Log

1

It’s been one month since the massive celebration commemorating the destruction of the Sand King, the giant monster that wreaked havoc on the surrounding countries.

With the Demon Lord’s spectacular self-destruction in the midst of the celebration, the war between humanity and the Demon Lord’s Army came to an end.

The kingdom of Grace declared an end to the war, and in our Hideout City, the demon refugees were hard at work.

Although there was the occasional attack from barbarians and monsters from the Great Woods near Hideout City, the Kisaragi Combat Agents had been dealing with them pretty easily.

“Vi, when are you gonna be done with work? This video game’s getting a little stale, so why don’t we take a break and go bother Heine?”

We’re currently enjoying a period of peace.

“I’m working on projects that aren’t due for quite a while, so I’m free to take a break whenever, but… No, Mr. Six, we shouldn’t bother others while they’re working. Please don’t tease Heine too much.”

As I lie on the sofa and toss my portable game console onto the table in boredom, Viper’s pen stops as she turns to look at me, her brow faintly pinched with concern.

“I’m not teasing her. Besides, boys tease girls because they like them. It’s the thing where I can’t help but tease the girls I like.”

“I see… So, Mr. Six, does that mean you like Heine…?” Perhaps because we’ve never broached the subject, Viper asks with a faintly hopeful expression.

“I like her face and body.”

“Honestly, I don’t dislike how honest and direct you are. But please don’t say that to her face.”

We’re in Viper’s office.

Viper switched jobs from being the Demon Lord to one of Kisaragi’s female mutants, and Alice has officially given her this room to serve as her executive office.

It’s a slightly nicer room than most, and it has also become my preferred hangout spot.

…Oh, speaking of which.

“Do you have any special abilities other than your healing magic, Vi? For example, can you manipulate fire or water like Heine and Russell?”

“Special abilities? Well, I’m good at time magic. I can rewind time and fix people’s injuries or mend broken items. I can also accelerate time, which allows me to do things like make crops grow faster.”

Ah, I see, so she’s a time mage.

In anime and video games, that’s definitely something only super-powerful characters can do.

“…So does that mean you can stop time, too? Damn, Vi, I’m super impressed! You can peek on baths and changing rooms all you want, can’t you?!”

“Stopping time takes an enormous amount of mana, so I can’t do that. I mean, even if I could, I wouldn’t do such things… Goodness, why are you always plotting such nefarious schemes, Mr. Six?”

She speaks as though she’s lecturing a small child.

“You’re a Supreme Leader of an evil corporation. If anything, Vi, you’re supposed to be one of the people who seduces me, the innocent and pure Six, to the path of evil.”

Yes, that’s right. Viper is now a Supreme Leader in the evil Kisaragi Corporation.

I have no doubt that in the near future I’ll be able to see evil Viper in action.

“M-me?! …I suppose that’s true. They were nice enough to give me a leadership role, so I suppose I should put all my effort into luring you to the dark side. Um… And what am I supposed to do, exactly?”

“Since you’re a female Supreme Leader, I think drawing me in with promises of erotic pleasure is your best bet. While your skintight bodysuit is a little lewd, I think you could show some more skin… What’s with that look, Vi? Are you questioning my wisdom?”

For some reason, Viper is wearing an exasperated expression and mumbling something under her breath.

“Um…well, I feel like you just want me to wear sexy clothes, Mr. Six…”

I guess I’ve been teasing her a little too much lately. She’s finally growing suspicious of me.

When Viper first took the job, I told her that female Supreme Leaders were supposed to help Combat Agents relax, and I talked her into giving me massages or lap-pillow ear-cleaning sessions, but it’s gotten much harder to convince her to do that sort of stuff.

Right now, she isn’t wearing the appropriately lascivious bodysuit that she had as Snake Woman, but rather, the clothing she had worn as the Demon Lord.

*   *   *

But it’s true that the female Supreme Leaders of an evil corporation have to be easy on the eyes.

“If you look at the Kisaragi’s Supreme Leaders, other than Lilith who’s supposed to be the brains, everyone else is dressed pretty erotically, right? And even Heine, a former member of the Elite Four, is practically naked!”

“N-now that you mention it!”

And it was at that moment…

…the office door slowly opened, and—

“I’m sorry, Mr. Six! I’m ashamed that I doubted you… I’ll do my best to become a Supreme Leader with as much sex appeal as Heine!”

“Vi…?! Lady Viper?! Don’t suddenly say ridiculous things so loudly!”

With impeccable timing, Heine entered the room and threw cold water on Viper’s pronouncement.

“Hey, don’t interrupt us! Vi’s finally awakening to her true nature! Get back to work.”

“Awakening? Don’t insult us! Stop filling Lady Viper’s head with weird ideas! …Wait, never mind that! That’s not why I’m here!”

Heine slaps the wall a few times as she speaks.

“It seems the party that went to check on Toris is back. Alice wants you in the conference room!”

The neighboring kingdom of Toris has been wiped out.

At first, I don’t understand what that report means, but it seems they were suddenly invaded by a mysterious new force and crushed with little to no effort.

Additionally, the royal family of Toris has vanished, but we don’t know who this mysterious new entity is, nor do we know what happened to the prince Snow had been trying to seduce.

“According to the reports from our scouting party, the capital of Toris is currently blockaded, and they had no idea what was going on inside. It doesn’t seem like the occupying force is preparing to invade us; we don’t even know if they’re an enemy. With the Demon Lord’s Army gone, it would have been only a matter of time before we could take out Toris ourselves, but… Well, they took our prey from us, but for now we’re going to just see how things turn out.”

Alice speaks from her position at the head of the conference table, holding court as though she is the one in charge.

Since she seems to have a bit of an attitude, I grab her head and give her a noogie.

“You’re being awfully tame today. They took our prey from us! We can’t just kick back and let them have their way!”

My words trigger a flurry of responses from the other Combat Agents.

“Six, for once in your life you have a point! We gotta show ’em who’s boss!”

“Let’s invade! We can take over Toris or whatever it’s called now!”

“I dunno who the hell those guys think they are, but they can’t get away with stealing our prey from us! Kill ’em!”

The bloodthirsty underlings hold up their fists and howl.

“I mean, hell, what were the scouts even doing?! They couldn’t figure out who the enemy was and they couldn’t figure out their motive?! Ugh! How useless! They’re robbing us blind by collecting their pay! If you guys feel even a little guilty for how useless you are, go spend your undeserved salary on drinks for the rest of us!”

“Yeah, Six is right! If you’re not gonna pay for our drinks, get back to the war zone!”

“Punishment! Punishment for the useless!”

“You’re telling me you can’t even do recon on some backwater country on this ass-backward planet? You had all those fancy gadgets at your disposal and that was the best you could do? What a waste of Kisaragi technology!”

We gang up on the scouting party, who all wear guilty expressions.

Bullying people for their shortcomings while making excuses for our own is the Kisaragi way.

“Y-you bastards…! It’s not like we were out playing around! There was a huge tiger monster guarding the gates of Toris! One that was almost as big as that Sand King we fought recently!”

…Whoa, seriously?

The conference room falls quiet as everyone seems to think the same as me.

“Which is why we’re going to stand back and see how things develop. I know you’re all chickens at heart, so you probably won’t do anything now that you know there’s a considerable risk factor, but I’m still warning you to stay quiet for now.”

Alice’s voice seems to ring particularly loudly in the silence.

I feel as though Alice has seen right through me, so in an attempt to distract myself from that discomfort, I grab Alice’s head again.

“Wh-who the hell are you calling ‘chicken’?! We’re Combat Agents of the Kisaragi Corporation! We’re not scared of anything! We struggled against the Sand King because guns didn’t work on it, but as for other monsters? Pfft! They’re nothing… Isn’t that right, guys?!”

“Y-y-yeah! We’re totally not scared! Yep, not scared at all, right?!”

“Felt something pucker a little, but yep, totally fine!”

“The Sand King, huh…? W-well, obviously, if our guns didn’t malfunction we would’ve Swiss cheesed it!”

As the Combat Agents try to put on brave faces, Alice speaks from under my hand.

“Let me spell it out for you meatheads. This planet’s got abandoned combat vehicles and mysterious O-Parts, huge mechanical lizards and optical weaponry. And now we’ve got a giant monster the size of the Sand King sitting in front of Toris, which got taken out in a single day. The opponent, who we know nothing about, probably has tech and weaponry or at least living weapons that are more advanced than what we’ve got. Don’t think this is anything like the showing off you lot talk about against a bunch of backwoods yokels.”

The clamoring Combat Agents fall silent in an instant.

Just then, Alice stops and looks up at me.

“Then again, considering the relative worth of Combat Agent lives, we can afford to send in a single squad…”

“Why do you say that while looking at me?! Is it… Is it because I ignored your orders?! You’re gonna send me to my death just for that?! I’m sorry I didn’t trust you! I’m really, really sorry!”

“For the last time, stop weighing the value of our lives!”

“Everyone here is a veteran Combat Agent! You should treat us better!”

Alice shakes her head and sighs at our complaints.

“Then it’s like I said earlier. We’ll wait and see what they do. For now, let’s focus on developing Hideout City. This is the infrastructure stage of the game, essentially. Make sure you listen to me… Hey, don’t do anything stupid without my permission, got it? You guys over there, wipe that ‘you can count on us’ look off your faces. I’m serious!”

2

As Alice and I leave the conference room, I hear a familiar voice from around the corner of the hallway.

“W-we can’t do that… Besides, we already have a supplier for buying ingredients…”

“Ingredients are the same regardless of who we buy them from, aren’t they? One of my acquaintances sells meat for real cheap. We can buy from him and then take the difference…right? I’ll make sure you get a share…”

Alice and I exchange nods as we catch bits of the hushed conversation.

“Caaaaught yooou!”

“Huh?! How dare you!”

I restrain Snow, who was conspiring around the corner.

“Don’t look so upset, Little Ms. Corrupt! We know you’re trying to feed us shady meat!”

Alice uses the opportunity to shoo away the demon in charge of buying food supplies for Hideout City.

Snow turns around to confirm that it is me restraining her and then speaks up.

“Ms. Corrupt?! How dare you! I was just kidding! I haven’t even done anything yet! Yes, this is a Kisaragi joke! The sort of joke that’s common in evil organizations!”

“Kisaragi joke?” The hell is she talking about…?

“You’ve gotten way too comfy with the villain life! You’re still supposed to be a Combat Agent Recruit! I knew you were easily corrupted, but just look at how many times you’ve been caught embezzling money!”

It’s temporary, but Snow’s been transferred to our organization.

Apparently, Snow’s screwed up a few too many times in the Grace Kingdom and is now considered a nuisance by the kingdom’s nobles.

Tillis asked us to add Snow to our ranks as a way of avoiding the royal family getting blamed for Snow’s failures.

Originally the plan was to have her fully transfer to our organization, but it seems even Snow is aware that she wouldn’t have anything left if she lost her knighthood, so after she threw a crying fit, we came to the current arrangement.

She’s a common sight around Hideout City, and she knows my coworkers pretty well.

Aside from that, Tillis mentioned that because Grimm and Rose were being transferred, it’d be mean to leave her out of it… which is why we chose to take her, but…

“Practicing your villainy is totally fine, but don’t do anything shady with the food. A Combat Agent’s body is their bread and butter, so we have to stay properly nourished.”

“Hey, Alice, don’t let Ms. Corrupt off the hook! If you don’t chastise her she’ll just do it again!”

Snow’s been weirdly lively since she got assigned to us. It’s almost like she’s a natural when it comes to evil deeds.

“What’s gotten into you? Why do you look so happy?! What happened to the kicked-puppy face you were making?! I don’t want this Snow! Gimme back the serious knight commander who was always accusing me of espionage!”

“Sh-shut up! I’ve always been like this! …Huh, do you think I’ve looked happy? Dammit, seems I let myself get all giddy over being reunited with my squadmates…”

Snow blushes as though she’s embarrassed by the revelation, but I think she should probably be more ashamed of her embezzling.

As I maintain my hold on her, Alice leans over to ask…

“…So putting aside the fact that you’re here, where are the other two?”

Grimm smiles gently as she sits with a demon at one of the soup kitchens in Hideout City.

“Here you are. Be careful; it’s hot… You seem to be hurt, so please don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Th-thank you… Um, you can let go of my hand now. I’m not so badly hurt that I’ll drop my plate…”

Grimm’s serving a bowl of stew to a male demon with a hand injury, but…

“Are you sure? I can spoon-feed you if you’d like.”

“N-no, I’m fine! U-um… I’m gonna go now!”

The demon blushes as he takes the bowl of stew and runs off.

Grimm, who has been quietly watching over him, seems to have noticed us.

“Oh, what brings you two here? We’re starting to wind down at this station since there are fewer and fewer people coming to get food. There seem to be eateries opening up around town, so I think we can start phasing out these kitchens.”

“I see. Good work. That’s fine, but—”

Just then a demon girl shyly brings a bowl to Grimm.

“Um…”

Before the girl can say more, Grimm quickly fills her bowl with stew and hastily hands it back to her.

“Thanks!”

“No need to thank me. Go eat! But be careful; it’s hot! Next!”

As Grimm practically shoves the beaming girl aside, stirring the stew to cool it down for the next person in line, I can’t help but comment.

“Hey.”

“Yes? We’ve got enough hands here. Just leave it all to me, will you? Hee-hee-hee. I’m going to feed all the innocent young boys. That way, there’ll be boys who grow up with a fondness for kind, older women. I’m investing in the future. I won’t let anyone get in my way. Not even you, Commander.”

Maybe we should isolate her from the kids before it’s too late…

I’m pretty sure she’s the last person who should be in charge of the soup kitchens. She’s way too obvious in how differently she treats the boys and girls.

…Grimm responds to me as she continues her preparations, but then suddenly pauses as she spies the next person in line.

There’s someone in a dog suit standing in front of Grimm, bowl in hand…

“Rose, I know it’s you in there! This soup kitchen is only for the demons of Hideout City! You already get food from Kisaragi!”

Rose stands there dressed in the dog suit, looking for a handout.

“Please give me stew, pretty lady!”

“I’m not giving you any stew even if you try such obvious flattery! Here, I’ll give you my snacks, so go eat those instead! …Why are you taking some, Commander? You should buy your own!”

Grimm, who is more of a softy than she lets on, reaches into her pocket and produces snacks…

As she watches this typical afternoon scene play out, Alice crossed her arms and murmurs, “Man, they’re all useless outside of battle…”

3

The next day.

“All right, we’re leaving the city in your care.”

We stand in front of the gate that leads from Hideout City to the woods.

Alice is saying her good-byes as she stands, carrying a backpack, accompanied by Viper, who is dressed in her Snake Woman outfit.

The rest of the usual crew, minus the other Combat Agents, is here to see them off.

“Yes, leave running the city to me! I’ve always been really interested in governing! Really, really interested!!” says Snow, intent on staying behind.

I’m pretty sure she’s just interested in the bribes that inevitably go hand in hand with running a city.

“All right. Rose and I should keep our eyes on Snow so she doesn’t do anything stupid, right?”

“Leave it to us! If Ms. Snow does anything bad, I’ll bite her up!”

“You two… You’ve really stopped pulling your punches of late…”

At Grimm’s and Rose’s responses, Snow, with a faintly troubled expression, murmurs, “…So where are you two planning to go?”

“Well because of the stupidly huge mechanical lizard and the barbarians, I hadn’t been able to do a proper survey of the surroundings. Since things have settled down a bit, it’s a good opportunity to survey the landscape and look for useful raw materials and water sources for industrial use. Basically, we’re going to explore.”

…

“Hold up! Why do you get to go on a fun adventure like that?! That’s a big risk you’re taking out there given how weak you are! You need me out there with you! Your combat specs are the same as an average human child, so you should take a Combat Agent along for protection!”

In response, Alice points to Viper, who is also carrying a backpack.

“I’ve got all the protection I need right here. I’m taking Viper with me this time. She’s not only stronger than all of you, but she’s smarter and she’s got a decent amount of common sense to boot. No matter how you look at it, Viper’s a better choice than a Combat Agent.”

“Um… Erm… I’ll do my best…,” says Viper with a bow. There isn’t anything I can say in response.

Wait, hold on; that’s not the point!”

“Hold on, Alice! I’m your partner! C’mon, Vi! I know you’re talented, but don’t take my role away from me!”

“I-I-I-I’m sorry, I apologize! Um, Ms. Alice… Given what Mr. Six is saying, maybe I should stay and do administrative work in my office…,” Viper says nervously, but Alice shakes her head.

“Either way, I’m gonna need someone with local knowledge. But the other three locals are useless, so it’s not like I had a choice but to take you in the first place.”

“Just a moment, Alice! I used to be a high-ranking officer in the kingdom! Calling me useless is a bit much, don’t you think?! Also, this has been bothering me… I get why Six would call Snake Woman ‘Viper,’ but why are you doing it as well…? And the way you’re saying it makes it seem like this Viper is someone from this world…”

As Snow starts rambling to herself, I decide to push my case to Alice.

“C’mon, Alice, I’m your partner! You’ve been so busy acting like the commander that you’re paying no attention to me! C’mon, gimme a bit of your time! Besides, no matter how strong Vi is, it’s still dangerous having just two girls out there!”

Frankly, I’d much rather go on a planetary exploration mission that’s full of mystery and adventure than deal with the bothersome bits of paperwork that come with running a city.

As I grab her tiny shoulders and shake her, Alice, despite being an android, looks like she’s struggling with her emotions while she thinks through the situation.

“…All right, fine. Then you can tag along. But don’t do anything stupid like you did when we first got here, okay? You’ve got a history of doing stuff like screwing with the rain-making artifact.”

I take the backpack from Alice and hoist it onto my own shoulders.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but leave it to me. With a single punch, I’ll take care of all the barbarians that dare approach you.”

“I’m telling you not to do those things, you idiot. This mission includes trying to negotiate with the local savages.”

I half listen to Alice’s words as I excitedly put on the backpack.

While I finish my prep, Viper takes the opportunity to ask Alice a question.

“Ms. Alice, shouldn’t we tell the other Combat Agents as well? Like Mr. Six, there might be others who want to tag along…”

“I’m sure there will be. In fact, I’m pretty sure all of them are so bored by the peace that they’ll all try to come. It’d be a hassle to deal with them, so we’re just going to leave them be. I’m sure they’ll forget about it if we bring them back a souvenir or two,” Alice says as though it’s the most obvious solution in the world, but she’s probably right about the hassle.

With that said, Tiger Man, the one who will be the most trouble if he gets upset, has gone off to look for a sorcerer stone that is superior to even the one he nabbed from a dragon.

The other Combat Agents are all simpletons, so I’m sure they’ll perk up if Viper gives them their souvenirs with an apologetic look.

And then…

“Snow’s insistent on staying in the city, while Grimm’s wheelchair’s not really suited for exploration.”

“Yes. I’m a city girl, so I’m going to pass on the woods. I gotta keep an eye on Snow, too.”

As Alice glances toward Grimm’s feet, Grimm smiles and folds her hands on her lap. Just then, Rose chimes in.

“I wouldn’t mind tagging along and eating some monsters after hunting them, but…”

“You’re fine in terms of combat ability, but you’re a bit lacking in the brains department. You should stay at Hideout City this time around and do the math problems Alice left for you… Hey, why are you looking at me like that? I actually graduated middle school, so I outrank you in education!”

“…It’s a little weird for you, who’s not much smarter than Rose, to be acting so smug, but… Anyway, are you two ready to go?” asks Alice, now significantly lighter on her feet since I took her backpack.

“Vi, this is your first exploration mission, right? It’s gonna be a tough journey, but no special treatment for you, got it? However, if things get too tough, make sure you ask for help from me, the veteran Combat Agent, okay?”

“Okay, Mr. Six. I promise to ask for help if need be. But I’ll do my best not to get in your way…”

As Viper and I exchange nods, Alice says with an even more aggressive expression than usual, “Right then, our objective this time is to find useful resources, secure a water source, and bring the savages to our side! And more than anything, we’re going to find out how the life-forms on this planet are ignoring the laws of physics!”

Dammit, she’s adding a personal vendetta of hers to our objective.

She’s going on about how griffin flight spits in the face of physics, and seeing as she already hates the supernatural, asking her to ignore stuff like this is probably a tall order.

…But come to think of it, she did pretty well last time. Saving Viper while making it look like she self-destructed was a clutch move. I guess I owe my cranky partner some credit, so I’ll help her out as best as I can this time.

“I don’t care if it’s a griffin or a dragon! I’ll wipe out all life-forms that defy the laws of evolution and aerodynamics!”

Such are the words of the pretty-girl android who holds so much animosity for the supernatural, you’d think a dragon killed her family or something.

4

“Alice! Aliiiiice! Alice, help! My gun doesn’t work on this thing!”

I’m already regretting my decision to tag along as I take aim with my handgun.

“Hang on a sec. Leave critters like this to me. I’m having them send me a special Kisaragi-made vacuum cleaner!”

Having entered deep into the woods, we are being pursued by mysterious floating balls of light for some reason.

Well, technically they’re just following me.

For some reason, these floating balls of light are clinging to me.

“They’re wind spirits. They’re harmless, so no need to worry about them. They’re said to provide all sorts of benefits and are worshipped around the world,” says Viper, smiling as she watches the spirits chase me around.

“More nonsense… Great.”

After sending off her request for the vacuum cleaner, Alice grabs one of the glass jars she brought for gathering samples.

“Caught me a wind spirit!”

“Ms. Alice?!”

Alice captured a wind spirit in her jar.

“…Phew, thanks Alice. I’m fine against opponents that weapons work on, but I really can’t do anything to incorporeal creatures, like ghosts and spirits, when my weapons don’t work.”

“No worries, partner. We’ve each got our specializations. Let’s send this thing off to Kisaragi when we get back to Hideout City. It’s a rare life-form, so I’m sure we’ll get a good price for it.”

“Y-you can’t sell a spirit! They’re very sacred and precious beings!” insists Viper as Alice puts a lid on the jar.

I click my tongue and wag my finger at the protesting Viper.

“Vi, you don’t get it, do you? Are you sure you’re a Kisaragi leader? We’re an evil organization! We’re supposed to go out of our way to do bad things!”

“Ah! Y-you’re right! I’m a leader in an evil organization!”

Viper seems to come to her senses, then stares intently at the spirit inside the jar with a determined expression…

“…Heh. No matter how sacred you might be, we won’t worship you.”

“Vi, the wind spirit escaped.”

“What the hell? I thought it was just some sort of glowing bug… Well, if bullets go through it, I guess it can also pass through a glass jar.”

Viper, who was talking to the jar, turns beet-red and covers her face in embarrassment. Meanwhile, the wind spirit that escaped returns to floating around me.

“All sorts of odd things seem to like you. Do you emit waves that nonhuman critters like, maybe?”

“In manga and video games, spirits like people who are pure of heart. And if you bully the little ones like this spirit here, the big one comes to get revenge.”

We leave Viper to her embarrassment and the floating spirit to do as it pleases and take a look around the area.

Alice, who wants to secure a water source for industrial use, has brought us to the shore of a vast lake that stretches as far as the eye can see.

It is a lake so large that you’d swear it was an ocean. Its pristine, clear water speaks to how lovely the untouched wilderness is on this planet.

Off in the distance, there is a mountain range lined with peaks that are taller than Mt. Fuji, and the woods near the lake are populated by trees that must be hundreds of years old…

“Hey, Alice. When I look at beautiful scenery like this, I start to wonder if I’m really doing the right thing. We’re going to use this lake for the factories we’re planning to build, right? I wonder… Should we really be disturbing this land…?”

“It means you still have a heart, Six. It’s not something I can understand, being an android, but I do think those feelings have value.”

“Mr. Six…”

Alice and Viper watch over me as I study the lake…

“Alice, let’s hurry up and gather resources so we can expedite our invasion plans. There’s tons of lumber we can gather from the trees over there, so let’s build some log cabins along with the factory. We’ll build a nature retreat to have a cookout with the Supreme Leaders. And since we’re on a lake, I bet they’ll wear swimsuits…”

It only takes about two minutes for me to grow bored of the breathtaking landscape.

“Guess that’s the limit of your conscience. It’s reassuring to know you’re still you, Six.”

“M-Mr. Six…”

*   *   *

Several hours later, we’re wandering around the shore of the lake using the map in Alice’s head as a guide.

“…Hey, Vi, are you sure these things are harmless? Honestly, it’s a bit creepy to have so many of them around me.”

“H-how odd… I’ve never heard of anything like this happening…”

I’m being so swarmed by various types of spirits, I can’t see a thing in front of me.

“I mean, these things are clearly dangerous. I can’t see where I’m walking. There’s no way for me to know if there’s an enemy nearby, and that means I can’t run away, either.”

The spirits circle around my head, shimmering and ringing like little bells.

It’d be one thing if they looked like cute fairies, but there’s nothing nice about having bright balls of light fluttering near my eyes.

“Hey, Vi, it sounds like being liked by spirits can be a pretty powerful ability, but is it really?”

Often the main character in a novel, for example, is loved by spirits, fairies, and various demihumans.

“Let me see. Well, there’s a type of magic called spirit magic. Spirits are said to be the servants of various goddesses. Spirit magic works by beseeching the goddess to bring forth a miracle. One can also ask to borrow their spirit servants for the purpose of wielding magic, but…I’m told that people who are friendly with spirits can borrow their power directly. Doing it that way evidently lets them use magic with less cost than using their own magic or offering a sacrifice to the goddess.”

I had completely lost interest in magic since it seemed that earthlings couldn’t use it, but I feel a glimmer of hope at hearing the description of spirit magic from Viper. If spirits like me so much, why can’t I be a spirit magic user?

“So basically the goddesses are skimming magic off the top, huh? I guess that makes them spirit interpreters or something. Then if I can speak directly to the spirits in their own language, I can cut out the middleman goddesses, right?”

“You’re not wrong, but you’re inviting some divine punishment with that sort of thinking…”

I mean, I guess, but if they’re that easily offended…

“…Then isn’t Alice more likely to get punished? I mean, look at her. She’s spraying the spirits with pesticide.”

“Don’t do that, Ms. Alice! Spirits are sacred… Oh, but I’m a leader in an evil organization…”

Ignoring Viper’s struggles with her own inner contradictions, Alice shoos away the spirits.

I don’t think the pesticides will kill them, but they clearly don’t like being sprayed with random chemicals.

“So physical attacks do work on spirits. Maybe I should order some bug spray as well.”

“Please don’t! Spirits really are sacred!”

5

The sun sets by the time we finish testing the purity levels of the lake water and the surrounding soil.

Having decided to make camp by the lake, we start setting up our stuff.

Since I want to show off to Viper, who, although superior to me, is a less-experienced survivalist, I go to gather firewood.

After I gather some small, dry twigs so that I can lecture them on how regular wood smokes a lot, I return to the campsite to find…

…Viper summoning parts for a cargo container at Alice’s instruction.

“…Hey, Vi, how were you able to order that? Are you sure they’re not giving you special treatment because you’re a leader?”

Once assembled, the container is designed to be more durable than the temporary shelters used for disaster relief.

This is probably the ideal living space for a forest infested with monsters.

Viper glances at the teleporter on her wrist.

“Well, I have a lot of Evil Points…”

She looks at me apologetically.

…Seriously? Just what sort of evil did the cherubic former Demon Lord Viper end up committing? She is such a pure and innocent girl. It’s hard to think she’s been corrupted by Kisaragi already…

“Vi, y’know… Sure, Kisaragi’s an evil corporation, but there’s no need for you to do anything you don’t want to do. I know you’re serious about your work, but that sort of thing can wait until you’re more used to working here…”

I can’t help but voice my concern, but I shouldn’t have done that.

Viper has made up her mind and steeled her resolve in joining Kisaragi, so as her elder in the ways of evil, I should be praising her…!

“Oh, I’m not angry or anything, Vi. Can I ask just what sort of evil deeds you committed to be able to summon a container like this…?”

As I ask this with a troubled look, Viper’s expression clouds.

“I accidentally deleted the save data for your video games…”

“What the hell, Vi?! Wait, I mean, yeah that’s pretty awful, but how did that get you so many Evil Points?! Like, yeah, that really sucks for me, but…!”

Alice chimes in as I seesaw between praise and anger.

“Evil Points are calculated by the amount of guilt felt by the person in question, the amount of psychological damage to the victim, and how severe the offense was. Basically, in Viper’s eyes, erasing your save data was unforgiveable.”

…I see.

For example, let’s say Viper and Lilith are dying of thirst after being stranded in a desert for days on end. Then they suddenly run into a vending machine full of drinks. In Viper’s case, she’d probably take out her wallet, look for some money, then if she doesn’t find any, she’d struggle to figure out a way to get a drink from the machine without breaking it. But unable to come to a solution, she’d be racked with guilt as she does what needs to be done…

In Lilith’s case, she wouldn’t even bother taking out her wallet; she’d happily destroy the machine, take all the drinks inside, and then probably take any money inside as a bonus.

So while Lilith would have committed the greater crime, there probably wouldn’t be much difference in the number of Evil Points they gained.

Which reminds me, when the eggs that I scattered around the city of Grace went off in a wave of explosions, I got a load of Evil Points even though there hadn’t actually been much damage.

“Meaning, if I struggle with my conscience, I can easily get points?”

“That’s right. But in your case, your conscience wouldn’t be bothered unless you did something really heinous.”

Just who does she think I am?

“I’ll forgive you for erasing my save data, Vi, since I get to stay in this container instead of a tent. But don’t ever do that again. And even though I’m forgiving you, you still have to play that shitty game with me until we make it back to my save point, okay?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll help you to the very end.”

Even though I am clearly scolding her, Viper seems faintly happy for some reason.

How can she not show a hint of remorse for this unforgivable act?

I guess that’s just what happens to a person after they join up with the bad guys…

“Why are you smiling, Vi? In Japan, it’s a serious crime to erase other people’s save data, y’know? If you’d erased someone else’s data and not mine, I bet you’d be in deeeep trouble right now.”

I make sure to hammer home the point as I try to start a fire with the branches I gathered.

“Yes, I understand, Mr. Six. I’ll make sure to only do bad things to you.”

“You don’t understand at all! Not one bit, Vi!”

Viper seems amused by my reaction as she huddles near the campfire. I guess her former Demon Lord status is still skewing her sense of right and wrong.

Looks like it’s time for me to counterattack Viper, denizen of this backward planet, with the power of science.

“Vi, watch carefully, I’m going to start a fire without using magic. This is called a Zippo. Not a zipper, a Zippo.”

“I see; a Zippo… It’s similar in shape to a magical lighter. How does it work?”

…

“Hey, Alice, what the hell is a magical lighter?! Vi just mentioned something that sounds like an item from a magical girls show!”

“I keep telling you not to underestimate this planet’s tech level. When we were living in the castle, there were TVs and lights that ran on a mysterious power, remember? Sure, your average peon digs latrines and uses them instead of toilets, but the upper crust live perfectly comfortable lives replete with indoor plumbing.”

Oh, right, now that she mentioned it…

“Um, Mr. Six. The fire’s started…”

While I am arguing with Alice, Viper already started the fire.

“…So that’s a magical lighter, huh? Wanna trade for my Zippo?”

“I don’t mind trading, but people without magic can’t use this…”

Damn you, magic…

“Ah well, it’s gonna be a long night. Why don’t we sit around the fire and chat? Though you did start the fire without my help, you can leave any camping-related survival stuff to me from here on out. I have enhancements and stuff, so I can see in the dark. As your senior in the Kisaragi Corporation, I’ll find you something to eat…”

“Oh, about that… I’ve already caught a three-eyed eel! I put it in a container with fresh water so it will spit out all the mud. We can have it for dinner.”

Oh, come on, Vi…

6

After skillfully cleaning and gutting the mysterious three-eyed eel and grilling it over the fire with a pinch of salt, Viper gives me a curious glance.

“So, Mr. Six, what shall we talk about?”

“Um, I’m just going to stop trying to impress you with my experience. Well done, Vi, you’re a full-fledged member of Kisaragi.”

“Th-thank you…?”

Viper thanks me even as her expression reveals she doesn’t understand what I am saying.

“I’ve been watching this whole charade, but you do know there’s a reason why Viper was promoted to leader so soon after joining Kisaragi, right? Leaders need fighting prowess, but they also need the leadership skills to command Combat Agents, and sound judgment besides. Comparing her to a defective product like you is totally asinine.”

“Who are you calling defective, dammit?! And all the leaders I know were problematic in some way. I mean, Tiger Man’s not any smarter than me, for example.”

Yes, Tiger Man—one of the longest-surviving leaders in our organization and pedo extraordinaire—is a good example.

He is out on a journey looking for the planet’s most powerful sorcerer stone in the faint hope that Viper can make him a child again.

I mean, isn’t that a little too self-centered, even for a feline mutant?

But Alice shakes her head in exasperation.

“Tiger Man got a degree from a good university. He’s even got a teaching certification. Apparently, he joined Kisaragi because he couldn’t get a job as a teacher. His face was too scary.”

“Wait… That teaching certification isn’t for the elementary-school level, is it…? If that’s the case, I’m pretty sure there’s another reason why he couldn’t land a job…”

…Viper watches us and smiles as though she is watching a particularly close pair of siblings squabbling.

“You really are good friends, Mr. Six and Ms. Alice. You two are partners…right?”

“Yeah, she’s my partner, but she’s been so mean to me lately…”

“Why in the world would you expect an android to be all warm and mushy? Your brain’s already mushy enough.”

I can’t believe this bully is supposed to be my partner in crime.

Just then…

“…Oh? Hey look, Alice. The spirits are coming back. While I doubt a ruthless android made by an evil corporation like you could understand, critters like these can sense that I’m pure of heart, so they wanna be my friend.”

As the spirits gather around me like they had during the day, Alice pokes at them curiously.

“Oh, hey, Vi. You mentioned earlier that I might be able to use magic if I figure out how to communicate with the spirits, right? Alice, can you translate what I’m saying into spirit language?”

“These things are made of plasma. That or they’re some type of firefly.”

This is the problem with science-worshipping robot kids.

“Mr. Six, I happen to know a little spirit language. Would you like me to interpret?”

“Oh? Sure, give it a go, Vi. Let’s see… Try saying, ‘I come in peace. Let’s be friends,’ and see how they respond.”

As I flash a winning smile at the floating spirits, Viper begins to whisper something to them.

The spirit lights then begin to blink as if in response.

“U-um…they say, ‘Begone, filthy invaders from a foreign world. Stop being stupid and leave immediately. If not, we’ll curse you until your dying breath…’”

“Vi! They’re not friendly at all! They really, really hate me!”

As I try to chase off the spirits with pesticides, Alice, who has gotten down on her hands and knees, regards the spirits with newfound curiosity.

“What? Now you like these spirits? That’s pretty odd, given how much you hate the supernatural.”

“…No, I was wondering how these things knew we came from another world. I can’t imagine Viper telling them random drivel, so do they have microcomputers in them that can predict the future? They’re just mysterious floating objects, though…”

As we let Alice ramble about complicated sciencey stuff, Viper gently reaches out her finger to the spirits, and one of them comes to rest on her finger.

She’s currently dressed as Snake Woman, so watching her stand by the moonlight lake with a spirit resting on her finger is one hell of a sight.

“All right, I’m gonna get you this time.”

“Ms. Alice?!”

Evidently Alice put her vacuum cleaner in the container, waiting for a moment like this, and she’s using it to capture spirits.

“Yep, this is the surefire way to deal with things like ghosts and spirits.”

“You just like ghostbusting them with that vacuum.”

“Oh… Th-the spirits…!”

Viper is the only one horrified by the display as Alice happily puts down her vacuum cleaner.

“Let’s have Lady Lilith look into what these so-called spirits are. If things go well, even you Combat Agents will be able to deal with the ghosts that infest this world.”

“…Well, those spirits did seem evil, so I don’t mind, but…”

It is at that moment when—

—the sharp, percussive noise of something hard banging against a tree rings out a short distance away.

Feeling hostile eyes on me, I stomp out the campfire.

“Vi, take shelter in the container with Alice! This is the sound those head-bashing barbarians make, right?”

“Yes, the Bashin tribe. And it’s too late to escape into the container. They’ve got us surrounded.”

Alice also has night vision, and after glancing around the camp, she grabs her gun.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a high-performance android?! Don’t you have infrared sensors or anything?”

“Of course, I do, you meathead. I’ve got thermography, infrared vision, and all sorts of other sensors. But they’re covered in something that’s masking their heat signature. They live in these woods, so maybe they’re covered with mud to avoid the bugs?” says Alice as she looks around curiously, but now’s not the time to be curious about the savages.

“If they’re just savages, then guns should do the trick! Cower before the might of Kisaragi!”

Using my own night vision, I find one of the Bashin tribe members and open fire with my assault rifle.

Thanks to my exploits in Operation Retrieve Viper at the festival, I’ve got plenty of Evil Points.

Not only do I have a brand-new assault rifle, but I’ve got plenty of magazines strapped to my R-Buzzsaw, so there’s no way I’ll be losing to a bunch of primitive folks.

I spray gunfire at the silhouettes lurking among the trees and shout out the standard warning to surrender, fully aware that my adversaries won’t understand a word I say.

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha, this is the power of civilization! Now, those were just warning shots! Next I’ll start aiming right at you! Surrender if you value your lives! If you can understand me, throw down your weapons!”

Pinned down by my gunfire, my opponents are unable to respond.

Just then, a silhouette that appears to be a Bashin warrior winds up and throws the ax he’s holding.

“Whoa!”

I duck my head as an ax whooshes through the air above it.

“Even if they’re from different planets or countries and don’t speak the same language, they can still understand expressions and body language. I don’t recommend taunting them.”

“Oh, shut up! That caught me off guard! I’m gonna slaughter them, just watch…”

Sure, I may have almost soiled myself, but I do my best to put up a brave front before Alice, who has been using me as a shield, lightly taps her own head.

“Leave this to me, the brains of the operation. I can understand what they’re saying based on their gestures and body language. If we can negotiate with a powerful tribe and get them on our side, that’s the smarter solution.”

“…Well, since you put it that way, I’m happy to leave it to you. If the negotiations don’t go well, send some sorta signal…”

Before I can finish talking, Alice peers out from behind me and shouts, “What do you want, you savages?! Money? Women? Power? You name it! We’ve got food and clothing and lots of shiny treasure. All you have to do is obey us and it can all be yours! Refuse if you wish to die!”

I somehow manage to block another ax thrown my way.

“Was that your idea of negotiation, you useless scrap heap?! Some brains you turned out to be! You’re no better than me!”

“Savages usually spend their time drinking, eating, and sleeping, right? My terms should have been awesome. I simply wasn’t able to get my point across this time. I’ll get it right this time. Leave it to me.”

Alice speaks with an incomprehensible amount of confidence, but I’m pretty sure there’s no way we can successfully negotiate when this useless bucket of bolts naturally looks down on the Bashin tribe.

While Alice and I are arguing, Viper has somehow made her way to the Bashin tribe members.

“We’re sorry for disturbing you at such a late hour. We’re just visiting your woods. We have no intention of stealing your prey, so could you just let us stay here a few nights?”

“Vi, what the hell are you doing?! They’re not going to understand your peaceful request!”

I step in front of Viper, hoping to shield her if she’s attacked, but a man in a mask and loin cloth takes a deep breath and…!

“Awwwwaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“See! You made him super mad, Vi! Hey, Alice, time to go! Get us a flash-bang!”

As I cower at the sudden scream, Viper looks at me with a puzzled expression and shakes her head.

“No, he says, ‘So long as you leave our primary prey, Supopocchis, alone, do as you wish, young lady.’”

“Why is he so polite?! Wait, you can understand them, Vi?”

“E-erm, yes… The Bashin tribe speak the spirit language, so…”

So that “awwaaa” was spirit language? Seriously?

…But based on the fact that the Bashin person Viper spoke to puts his ax away, it seems they really do understand her.

I suck in a deep breath.

“Awaaaaaaaa!”

“Graaaaaaaaaah!”

After attempting to speak in the spirit language, I barely have time to dodge the ax thrown at me.

“What an awful thing to say, Mr. Six! You shouldn’t ever say such things!”

“I was just trying to mimic their ‘awwaaaa’ scream! What the hell did I say that was worthy of Evil Points?!”

7

Thanks to Viper’s desperate pleading, we’re able to get the Bashin tribe to go home so we can finish our dinner.

“Huh, I didn’t expect the Bashin tribe to be so civilized. Hey, Alice, at this rate maybe we can talk to them about developing this area,” I call out to Alice, who is conducting soil tests despite the fact that it’s pitch-black outside.

“Nah, that’s not possible. Our goal is complete subjugation of these lands. First, this stupidly big lake is necessary if we’re gonna build up an industrial base. People have been fighting over water rights since the dawn of time. No matter how civilized they may be, if we start taking over this area, they won’t go quietly,” says Alice while pointing something that looks like a radio at the lake.

Currently there’s a steady stream of demons immigrating to Hideout City. And under Alice’s direction, they’ve taken up jobs and are slowly improving their standard of living.

For the time being, Kisaragi’s been providing food to the demons living in Hideout City.

But our goal is to develop this land as a space for people from Earth to move to.

According to Astaroth, the food shortages on Earth have us teetering on the edge of ruin.

While we’re currently caring for the demons because they’re refugees from the Demon-Human War, in the long run they’re going to be the labor force that helps develop this land.

Of course, we’re the highly sophisticated and civilized Kisaragi Corporation. We won’t make the demons pick up hoes and plows and manually develop the land.

We’ll be leveling this entire area with heavy machinery and building up an industrial base. There are also plans to start large-scale farms near Hideout City.

To accomplish all that, we need to take water from this enormous lake, create the working environment by hand, and then use the demons as employees in our giant corporate endeavor.

“…I really do appreciate the fact that you’ve given my people shelter and even jobs… I’ll do everything in my power to repay the Kisaragi Corporation…”

Viper has become extremely loyal to Kisaragi after hearing about these plans.

“Hey, Vi, we just want to use the demons to make money, okay? We’ll pay them, of course, but Kisaragi only pays low wages, so there’s no need to thank us. They might not technically be servants, but they’re gonna basically be corporate wage slaves.”

“I don’t know what corporate wage slaves are, but on this planet it’s an enormous blessing to have a safe place to live and to have a warm meal in exchange for work… The usual price for my people for losing the war would have been enslavement and being worked to death, after all…!”

Oh, right, this was a world with a screwed-up ethics system where orcs are worked like slaves as farm labor, then eaten after they die of old age.

“In that case, you can pay me with your body, Vi. You’ll do anything, right?”

“Yes, of course! Leave it to me!” says Viper without an ounce of hesitation, leaving me unable to actually tease her by asking for something perverted.

Dammit, if this was Snow, I’d have no trouble asking her to do lewd stuff…!

Just then, Alice, who had been conducting soil tests, speaks up.

“Six, if you don’t want me to tell the Supreme Leaders about this conversation, do me a favor.”

“I haven’t said anything bad, so I have nothing to be ashamed of, but I’d be happy to do you a favor. So don’t tell them about this.”

While Alice had offered a line or two during the conversation, she hadn’t taken her eyes off the lake.

Viper and I look in the same direction, but don’t find anything unusual…

“Go take a dive in the lake.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

I may have night vision, but to go diving in the lake at night?

At Alice’s unreasonable request, Viper speaks up enthusiastically.

“Is there something in the lake? I can go check if you’d like.”

“I’ve been using a metal detector to look at the metals in the ground, but I’m getting a huge reaction from the lake. I figured there might be an artifact or something down there.”

…Well, I suppose I have to if there’s an actual reason and not just Alice trying to haze me.

I take off my power armor and strip down to my underwear. As Viper blushes in awe of my rugged physique, I make my way to the center of the lake.

Brandishing my knife between my teeth in case of trouble, I take a deep breath, then dive down with a breaststroke.

With my various enhancements, I can go for about ten minutes without air.

And my enhancements mean I can see underwater without goggles, so I’m able to steadily explore the bottom of the lake.

Over the next hour or so I thoroughly investigate the lake, coming up for breath every once in a while before diving again. I lost count of the number of times I’d dived down when I see a giant silhouette lying on the bottom.

While I feel a prickle of fear, I focus my eyes on it and realize it’s something mechanical. Its skin has long since peeled away, exposing its mechanical innards.

I take pictures with my underwater digital camera and notice that the external design looks like the mecha-lizard that Lilith destroyed a while back.

But even as I swim around it, it doesn’t move, and it appears to have completely stopped functioning.

I remain submerged as I head back to Alice to report on my discovery.

“Alice, there’s some giant robot down there! It looks dead, though… Errr…whoa!”

As I peer at the shore, Alice and Viper are surrounded by a swarm of monsters.

“Hey, Six, hurry up and put on your power armor! It looks like those are the infamous Mounting Gorillas!”

“Wait, hold on! Gimme at least thirty seconds! I wanna change into dry underwear!”

Around the container is a group of silver-furred gorillas threateningly pounding their chests.

As I change, a small gorilla tries to tackle me from below.

“Demon Lord Punch!”

Viper, who has been defending Alice from the gorillas, knocks away the gorilla that lunges at me.

Seeing one of their number roll along the ground after taking a powerful blow further agitates the other gorillas.

“Thanks, Vi! I’ll repay you with my body!”

“You don’t need to thank me, so please put on your underwear!”

As Viper turns away, her face beet-red, I put on some fresh undies and then my power armor.

“There, all set! Sorry to keep you waiting! Come get some, you stupid monkeys!”

In response to my taunting, the gorillas start flipping me off… I’m not kidding. They stick their middle fingers up at me, screeching in an eerily human manner. Where the hell did they learn that?

While gorillas are known to be gentle giants on Earth, this planet’s gorillas seem to be straight-up jerks.

“There’s no need to fight them if you don’t have to. In fact, apparently they’ll protect you if you surrender to them. The symbol of surrender is to lie down and show your stomach to them. Try it.”

“No way! Why the hell should a Kisaragi Combat Agent surrender to a gorilla?! C’mon and try me, you big dumb apes!”

Since I rejected Alice’s suggestion, the largest gorilla in the group comes flying at me in a low tackle.

But having had my recent experience dealing with a chimera in a fursuit trying to tackle me, I am ready for it.

Dodging the tackle, I then land on top of the gorilla, stupidly heavy power armor and all.

But the gorilla, unfazed by my weight, uses its muscles to lift me up.

Damn, this is one impressive gorilla.

The other gorillas seem to want to help their boss, but can’t because of Viper’s presence.

Leaning my entire weight into the gorilla, I acknowledge my rival.

“You’re not half bad…! Fine, I’ll show you my true power. Release re—”

As the gorilla and I trade intimidating grins, we’re hit by a blast of Alice’s chemical spray.

“…Gaaaaah! My eyes! My eyyyyyyes!”

“Aggaaah! Howaaaaaaaah!”

As the two of us roll around clutching at our faces, Alice says coldly, “We’re done playing. Go home. If you don’t, you’ll get another eyeful of this pepper spray.”

When Alice turns her spray bottle toward them with that line, the gorillas take off running.

“Six, go wash your face and then get over here. Why the hell were you trying to have a fair fight with a gorilla?”

“You stupid, evil android! We were gonna have a gentleman’s—”

Just then, Viper speaks up with a tense voice.

“Mr. Six, Ms. Alice, a powerful magic signature from what seems to be a giant monster is heading this way.”

As if to back up Viper’s words, howls ring out all around us.

“Seems the body odor and cooking of modern humans aren’t conducive to a peaceful time in these woods. That’s fine. I’ll do things right next time. I can save and reload, so do your best to make it home in one piece.”

“Now’s not the time for that! Dammit! Retreeeeeeat!”

The depths of the Cursed Forest are a dangerous place that makes even a night of camping a challenge.

[Status Report]

Dear Supreme Leaders back on Earth, I hope this letter finds you well.

The environment here remains extremely hostile to humans, and I have every one of my preconceived notions of fantasy worlds being shattered on a daily basis.

I spoke with spirits the other day.

Spirits are, of course, a popular fantasy creature second only to fairies, but these spirits were really, really mad at me.

Just about the only creature on this planet that has had a comforting presence is the mokemoke.

Also, this planet has gorillas.

While Earth’s gorillas are giants, the ones here are aggressive, dangerous creatures that act more like thuggish Yakuza than anything else.

Can’t I just take my subordinates from this planet and return to Earth, please?

Also, since my apartment got blown up, as part of my workman’s comp, please find me a new place to live. Pretty please.

Reporting Operative:

Combat Agent Six, Who’s Homesick Even Though He Has No Home to Return To